1 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,760 SHE SCREAMS 2 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:30,760 Where am I? 3 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,200 Hello? 4 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:38,240 Hello? 5 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,440 Anyone? 6 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,120 Morning, Sandeep. Morning! 7 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:50,880 New hair, Karen? Lovely. 8 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:52,880 I love the smell of law in the morning. 9 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:56,960 Ken. Jane. 10 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,320 What's going on? I don't know. 11 00:00:58,320 --> 00:00:59,680 What do you think is going on? 12 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,600 I think you've come into the office ignoring the fact that you've been 13 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,360 suspended, hoping we'll let it go out of some sense 14 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,160 of British awkwardness. Right. 15 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,600 Well, you're way off. 16 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,280 You are in serious danger of losing your job permanently. 17 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,480 No, you are. Look, I really think... Can this wait? I've actually got 18 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,320 quite a lot to be getting on with, so... 19 00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,160 No. You really don't. 20 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,200 No-one likes you, Jane. 21 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:25,200 Everyone says so round the water cooler. 22 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,120 Ken, you've left me with no choice. 23 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,320 I'm calling a board meeting for 4pm to decide your future. 24 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,400 You have ten minutes to plead your case. 25 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,400 Then I will see you in court. 26 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,320 It won't be in court. 27 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:39,520 It's in the boardroom. It's a turn of phrase, Jane. 28 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:43,960 Told you it wouldn't work. 29 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,680 It was your idea. 30 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,920 Go in there with your head held high, you said. 31 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,400 No-one will question your natural authority, you said. 32 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:51,720 I even took a packed lunch. 33 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,880 I didn't think you were actually going to do it! 34 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,320 Now I have to go back in at 4pm today and beg for my job. 35 00:01:56,320 --> 00:02:00,440 A disgraced lawyer, dodging former colleagues in the supermarket, 36 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:04,120 before ending up glued to his sofa in a soiled man nappy. 37 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,480 I'm so sorry, love. 38 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,560 But...if you've got nothing to do till four, 39 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,760 how about you take the car back? 40 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,240 What?! Well, you said yourself, 41 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,080 the monthly payments are killing you. 42 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:19,640 And now you don't have a job. 43 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,960 I might still have a job! 44 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,160 Yeah, but it's looking a bit shaky. 45 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:26,920 Ken, it's a little excessive - the hands-free, 46 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,640 the onboard computer you don't know how to use, 47 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,040 the snazzy cup-holder. 48 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,280 Isn't it all a bit midlife crisis? 49 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:38,000 No. A Volvo XC90 is not a midlife crisis and I do know how to use that 50 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,640 computer, I just need some more practice! 51 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:44,480 Lorna, I didn't get a Vespa, I'm having a bloody cup-holder. 52 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,360 All right, Mum, you ready? Yep! 53 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,760 Fucking hell, dressed by 11? 54 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,480 You must've raced through your morning dump. 55 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,480 You can be high and mighty with me, young man, 56 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,280 when you're doing something more virtuous 57 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:56,640 than flogging phones to morons. 58 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,560 Erm, I think you mean valuable customers, dad. 59 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,960 No, if they're buying a phone off of you, they're a moron. 60 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,160 Well, at least I'm bringing home the bacon. 61 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,840 Tell you what, 62 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,280 treat yourself to something nice. 63 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,960 Bye, love. Oh, he thinks he's won. 64 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,800 You think you've won! Well, you haven't. 65 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,560 I've got your £20 and I will buy myself something nice. 66 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,480 Prick. 67 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,480 Oh, that's weird. What's weird, Chief Ken? 68 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:27,480 Rachel hasn't made her move on Words With Friends. 69 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:31,240 Must be still reeling from my crippling deployment of zygote 70 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,920 on a triple point score. She's not reeling. 71 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,840 She's just got no reception in the Pennines. 72 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,280 In the Pennines? Yeah. 73 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,960 It's a mountain range. I know what the Pennines are, Dale. 74 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,200 Why is Rachel there? Because I put her there. 75 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,800 It's the closest place to the outback I could find. 76 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,880 What? It's nothing like the outback. 77 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,760 Nowhere in the UK is like the outback. 78 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,480 Well, I mean there are parts of Kent, but my point is, 79 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:56,080 why have you stranded my daughter in the outback... The Pennines? 80 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:57,560 For a walkabout. 81 00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,760 When aborigines search for answers, 82 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,120 they strand themselves in the outback. 83 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,360 So, are you saying that...? 84 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,080 OK, start from the beginning. 85 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,840 It's pretty simple, Ken. So, Rachel said she needed more space to think 86 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:13,920 about her path in life, so, I found the place in England 87 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,640 with the most space there is. 88 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,440 And then I deserted her there! 89 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,320 Please, tell me, with food and water and... 90 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,520 Nope. With nothing! Oh, my God. 91 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,400 PHONE: Hi, it's Rachel, sorry, I can't get to the phone right now, 92 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,560 please leave a... 93 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,720 Great! So now I have to go and rescue Rachel from the Pennines 94 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,720 and you've picked the day where I have a meeting 95 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,760 to decide the fate of my career. 96 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,240 Oh, come on, Ken. I couldn't have predicted that. 97 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,600 Let's face it, you haven't had a lot of meetings recently. 98 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:43,960 Get in the car! 99 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,000 Oh, come on! 100 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,000 Come on. 101 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,120 Oh, fucking... 102 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,360 Dylan. 103 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,760 You promised me this had full coverage. 104 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,680 What the...? 105 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:20,120 WALKMAN: Rachel. If you're listening to this, 106 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,320 it means you've found the Walkman and pressed play. 107 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,200 And had the headphones when you did that. Kudos. 108 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,920 You said you wanted space so I gave it to you. 109 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,880 But I also gave you much more. 110 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,280 A double-sided cassette and my voice covering topics 111 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,720 like spiritual lessons I've learned to keep you company 112 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,640 as you find your way back to me. 113 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,240 So, keep listening. 114 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:40,280 The aborigines... 115 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:42,120 TAPE WINDS FORWARD 116 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,360 ..using the mucus from a kangaroo pouch! 117 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,000 TAPE WINDS FORWARD AGAIN 118 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,400 But, it was only ever in his mind. 119 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,720 TAPE WINDS FORWARD AGAIN 120 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,600 "That's not a knife, this is a knife." 121 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,560 But when you are lost, Rachel, 122 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,440 you need to give yourself to the universe 123 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:01,440 and the universe will provide salvation. 124 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,280 It may come in a strange form - 125 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:06,880 a form you didn't expect. 126 00:06:08,080 --> 00:06:10,920 Like the form of a spirit guide. 127 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,560 You just need to reach your hand out and grab it. 128 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:22,160 Oh, thank God I found you. 129 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,760 I'm lost. Can you help me, please? 130 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,160 Fuckin' hell. 131 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,640 This was supposed to be getting away from it all. 132 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:35,160 Two days I've got in the past five years just to be on my own. 133 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:39,640 No kids, no terrapins, no sex addiction therapy sessions. 134 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:41,360 What's that? 135 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:45,480 It's my Kendal Mint Cake and, no, you can't have any. 136 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,160 Please. 137 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:50,960 Fine, if you really are lost... 138 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,360 ..I shall be your guide. 139 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,680 But only to the car park of the A515. 140 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,200 SWITCHING BETWEEN RADIO STATIONS 141 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,040 Oh, this is great, Chief Ken, just two guys on the open highway. 142 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,480 We're not on the highway, Dale. 143 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,520 We're on the A515. 144 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,840 I mean, what the hell were you thinking? 145 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,520 I was just following your advice, Ken. 146 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,760 How's any of this got anything to do with me? 147 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,520 You were the one who told me I need to grow up so I started to do 148 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,760 what you do - watch documentaries on BBC Four all day. 149 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,520 And that's where I learned about the aborigines. 150 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,480 Pretty easy to connect the dots, Ken. 151 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,960 Nothing here connects, Dale. 152 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,360 Hey, I'm just trying to help. 153 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:48,320 Oh, really? Well, if you want to do something to help, 154 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,920 tell me what hill she's on - I'll enter it into the sat nav. 155 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,080 I don't know, Ken, there are a lot of hills. 156 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,000 I mean, the outback is a pretty big place. 157 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,640 The Pennines is not the outback! 158 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:58,720 That kind of depends on your point of view. 159 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,200 No, it depends on geography. 160 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,840 When you think about it, aren't we all just geographers? 161 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,600 Oh, for God's sake. 162 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,280 I can fix it. Just leave it. 163 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,040 I can fix it. Just bloody leave it. 164 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,520 Stop! 165 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,360 Oh. Wait. 166 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,120 What? You want to be helpful? Yes. 167 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,800 Get the iPad out of the back, use that app, 168 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,000 maybe we can track her phone. 169 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,200 Oh, yes, brilliant, Chief Ken. 170 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,520 You are a huge man with a huge brain. 171 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,200 All right. 172 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,560 Come on, come on. 173 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,000 Yep, I found her! 174 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,760 OK. And she's close. 175 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,120 She's on the A515. 176 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,200 OK, good, we're on the A515. 177 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,080 Heading north. All right. 178 00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,640 OK. We're heading north. 179 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,920 Dale, which junction is she off? 180 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,720 Er, she's just passing junction 17. 181 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:14,280 OK. Do you think there is a chance that you're tracking that iPad? 182 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,320 No. 183 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,520 IPAD BEEPS 184 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,040 Yes, I have done that. Right. 185 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:23,800 Well, I'm going to have to do something 186 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,000 I never thought I would do. 187 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,960 Run that 5K? No, I'm going to do that. 188 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,000 No, I'm going to call Dylan and ask for his help. 189 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,720 Computer, call Dylan. 190 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,360 Phone Dylan! 191 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,280 Fuck... COMPUTER: Please repeat name... 192 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,120 Dylan. Phone DYLAN! 193 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:47,240 Phone Dylan. Dylan Thomp-SON. 194 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,880 Playing popular songs by Chumbawamba. 195 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:50,920 Fuck it! 196 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,160 Are you, like, a real person, right? 197 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,240 My tape said something about spirit guides, 198 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,600 and I know you're not a real spirit guide, but... 199 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,000 ..I'm having boyfriend troubles, 200 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,280 and I just wondered if you could, 201 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,240 you know, while we're here, Debbie, 202 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,960 just tell me what to do with my life. 203 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,320 I'm NOT a spirit guide. 204 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,040 I'm just a lone woman wandering the hills who found you in the mist 205 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,480 in your moment of need. And I'm aware that what I just said 206 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,800 makes me sound like a spirit guide, but I'm not. 207 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,920 So, can you just be quiet for 208 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:23,680 at least the rest of the time we spend together? 209 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,960 PHONES RING 210 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,720 Hello, Phone For Now, how can...? 211 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:39,160 Dylan, it's Dad. I'm ringing from the hands-free in the car. 212 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,160 Is that supposed to impress me or something? Well, frankly, yes. 213 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,680 Listen, Dale has stranded your sister in the wilderness 214 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,160 for reasons that are impossible to fathom. 215 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,320 HE CHUCKLES What, like a sort of walkabout? 216 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:50,360 Exactly! 217 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,040 You sold her a phone, right? 218 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,040 Yeah, you bet I did. 219 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,880 Totally rinsed her. We call it the mug package. 220 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,160 Right. I'm not sure you should be quite so proud of that. 221 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,120 Says you. They let me ring the big bell. 222 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,600 Look, can you locate her phone? 223 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:09,920 Defo. But that's a service I can only really offer a customer - 224 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,800 or, as you might say, a moron. 225 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:17,000 Right... We do have some amazing packages, Mr Thompson. 226 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,960 OK, what's the cheapest contract you've got? 227 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:22,720 £12.99 a month, but unfortunately we're out of stock. 228 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:25,520 Oh, sounds like your phones are really flying off the shelves. 229 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:26,680 Don't encourage him! 230 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:29,520 We do, however, have our top phone in stock. 231 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,720 That's just £50 a month with a small upfront charge 232 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:34,480 of just £89.99. 233 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,360 Just find your sister's phone. 234 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,880 No problem. Just hold the line for one second, please. 235 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,080 BIG BELL RINGS 236 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,240 Sorry about that, Mr Thompson. 237 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,560 It looks like Rachel's phone is... 238 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,880 ..out of reception. I'll let you know when she comes online. 239 00:11:55,880 --> 00:12:00,560 Right. So, this whole thing was just one giant waste of money. 240 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:03,240 Not for me. Just made salesmen of the week. 241 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,920 Computer, hang up immediately! 242 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:08,680 You know, sometimes I really hate my own son. 243 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,120 I can still hear you, Dad. Good! 244 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:19,320 PHONE RINGS Oh! Finally. 245 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:24,400 Oh. 246 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,640 Nina? Oh, Rachel, finally. 247 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,080 Are you in a wind tunnel? 248 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,120 No, it's a bad line. 249 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,480 Oh, OK. Look, well, look, a job's come up, a real one, 250 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,040 with hungry kids and buckets and everything. 251 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,480 Just exactly what you wanted. 252 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,400 And, like, the kids are really, really hungry. 253 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,680 Oh, that sounds amazing! 254 00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:46,080 Where is it? Um, it's in Sierra Nevada. 255 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,480 Or Leone. 256 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,320 I forget. The African one. 257 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,960 BREAKING UP: I'm going to need an answer pretty soon, because... 258 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,960 Nina? Nina, I can't hear you. 259 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,400 BREAKING UP: I'll call you back. 260 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,840 "Zygote". Oh, Dad, you monster! 261 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,200 (Fuck.) 262 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,400 Jane, board members... 263 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:17,080 ..I can only apologise for my behaviour. 264 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,840 It does not reflect who I am. 265 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:22,960 Those of you who know me best will know me as a good man, 266 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:26,160 and someone who should have won lawyer of the year, but... Dingo! 267 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:28,880 Dale, it's another sheep! 268 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,320 And I'm trying to rehearse my speech here. Sorry, Chief Ken. 269 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,280 You're just not really holding my attention. 270 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,600 God, you are more like your father than you realise. 271 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:40,200 Did he like dingoes too? Oh, please, listen. 272 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,320 You are intending to marry my daughter, 273 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,000 a fact that through some elaborate form of Stockholm syndrome 274 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,680 I've come to accept. But, for the sake of my sanity, 275 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:52,560 I need to know that you can hold a normal conversation with me, 276 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,120 your potential father-in-law. 277 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:58,800 So, please. No dingoes, no walkabout. 278 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,320 Just talk to me like a human being. 279 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,320 LAUGHING: OK. This is going to be exciting! 280 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,960 OK. What are we going to talk about? 281 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,800 Well... Did you watch the rugby? 282 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,200 You lost me, Ken. Oh, Jesus Christ. 283 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,920 PHONE RINGS Oh, at last - Dylan. 284 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,280 Computer, answer the phone. 285 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:23,120 COMPUTER: The outside temperature is five degrees. I'll do it myself! 286 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,280 Dad? Rachel must have walked through some reception. 287 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:27,680 I can tell you where she is. 288 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,120 Thank you. Some good news. 289 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:33,920 Where is she? I said I CAN tell you. I didn't say I WOULD tell you. 290 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,640 You little rat. 291 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,080 How much is this going to cost me? 292 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:40,040 It's just an extra £15 a month, and I'll throw in a free 293 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,200 Pokemon phone case. 294 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,360 Oh, cool! This is highway robbery! 295 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,640 A515 robbery. Shut up, Dale. 296 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:49,480 Right, so I'll send over Rachel's location in a dropped pin. 297 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,560 You can open that on your inboard sat nav, right? 298 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:52,920 Yes. Yes, of course I can. 299 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,200 Let's see, um... 300 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,000 Airbag disabled. 301 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,880 Ha! You massive twat! 302 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,640 It is a bit weird. 303 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:08,640 I met you, now I've been offered this job. 304 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:11,040 Do you think the universe is trying to tell me something? 305 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:16,080 But, if it is, it's telling me to leave the man of my dreams. 306 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,280 And do I really want to do that? 307 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,600 You know what I think? 308 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,800 Your choices in life, they don't really matter. 309 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,640 Really? Yeah. 310 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,600 I'm never going to see you again. I don't give a shit what you do! 311 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,240 That is not nice! 312 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,560 Must be here... Settings... 313 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,160 Map... COMPUTER BEEPS 314 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,960 Oh, maybe it's this one. 315 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,640 Oh, no, that's the car seat! OK. 316 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,640 Wow! HE LAUGHS 317 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:51,520 It goes backwards and forwards with the touch of a button. 318 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,960 Oh, my God. Back, forwards, back... 319 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,480 Uh-oh. It's stopped working. Oh, well done! 320 00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,280 There. 321 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,360 Oh, no. Jesus Christ! 322 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,240 What? She's the other side of the Pennines! 323 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,960 I'm never going to make the meeting now. 324 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,360 And we need petrol. 325 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,880 Oh, God. That's it, it's over. 326 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,040 Jane is going to jump on this like a... Dingo? 327 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,960 No, not like a dingo! 328 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:23,720 I'm going to be out on the street. 329 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:28,160 I mean, this is a spacious car, but will it house an entire family? 330 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,040 Oh, God. I'm sweating. 331 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,680 I'm shaky! That's your massage seat, Ken. 332 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:38,080 I'm going to die. I'm going to die in a petrol station on the A515. 333 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,600 I need to get some air. 334 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,440 Chief Ken, take a deep breath, OK? 335 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:51,640 We got this. We can find Rachel and make it back in time 336 00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,680 for your meeting if we multitask. 337 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:58,560 I'll do the gas, you go inside. Get yourself a nice relaxing pasty, OK? 338 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:01,360 I'm not going to be placated by a pasty, Dale. 339 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,440 The idea that hot steak and potato chunks surrounded by delicious, 340 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,560 flaky pastry are going to make things better. 341 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:07,600 Honestly! 342 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:10,440 Yeah, I might get a pasty, actually. 343 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:14,000 Yeah. Oh, and I'm going to use Dylan's 20 to do it! 344 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,640 All right! Yeah! 345 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,320 ON TAPE: If there's one final piece of advice, Rachel, 346 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,400 it's that koala milk, while tempting, will drive you... 347 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,720 SHE REWINDS 348 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:32,400 Sid, if you're listening to this, it means I'm dead. 349 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,960 SHE REWINDS 350 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,080 It's probably because of zombies. 351 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,320 Hit it, Dylan! 352 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,480 HE BEATBOXES 353 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:42,880 Would you please just give me a bit of that? 354 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,600 No. I am lost, OK? 355 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,160 Here, but also here. 356 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,400 And whether you like it or not, destiny has chucked us together... 357 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:54,480 SHE EXHALES LOUDLY Will you just give me a break? 358 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:55,960 Rachel, I want you to take this. 359 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:02,960 Chuck it in the bin, will you? 360 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,400 But I still don't understand why it stopped. 361 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,000 I mean, I put so much diesel in it. 362 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:26,320 OK. I can see you're upset, Ken, but I was only trying to help. 363 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,960 Like you tried to help Rachel by stranding her in the wilderness. 364 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:31,160 And you helped Sid by cutting off his foreskin. 365 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,600 And you encouraged me to have that pasty that you knew I'd eat 366 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,560 too quickly and give myself indigestion! 367 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,360 OK, I put my hands in the air, Ken. 368 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:38,800 I've made mistakes, OK? 369 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,480 I promise you, I will learn from them, 370 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,840 and I will never make the same mistake twice. 371 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:49,080 No, you'll probably make new ones and outdo yourself. 372 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,960 Look, Dale, you're a nice bloke, but that means you get away with a lot. 373 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,560 And sometimes, honestly, 374 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:59,320 I can't help but wonder if you're not just a bloody idiot! 375 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,400 Oh, not that. 376 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,320 I can't bear that. 377 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,160 Dale, not the bottom lip. 378 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,000 Oh, don't cry. Look, I didn't mean it. 379 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,520 It's not what you said, Chief Ken. 380 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,280 It's that you're right. 381 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,320 I AM an idiot. 382 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:18,680 And I'm not worthy of Rachel. 383 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,760 And if she does live through this... She's going to live through this. 384 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:26,160 I'm going to tell her, if I'm stupid enough to put diesel 385 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,800 in your petrol car, then we shouldn't get married. 386 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,640 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's an easy mistake to make, son. 387 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,280 Anybody could've made it. 388 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,520 Don't go breaking up over this, lads. 389 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,720 What?! Listen. 390 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,920 I've been married 34 years, and I can tell you, 391 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,560 happiness is a hard thing to come by, 392 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,840 especially for a man of your age and...shape, 393 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:52,440 with a lovely young lad like this, as beautiful as he is. 394 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,720 Thank you. Hold on to it. 395 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,960 Don't let it go over a tankful of diesel! 396 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,800 Is the car fixed? Good as new. 397 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,400 You know the cup-holder's broken? 398 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,600 SHOUTING: I know the cup-holder's broken! 399 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,040 SAT NAV: You have arrived at your destination. Finally! 400 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,240 Rachel! 401 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,720 Rachel! 402 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,360 Oi! Oi! 403 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,520 She's over there! 404 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,720 Rach, I'm SO sorry. 405 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,200 You bloody should be! 406 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,520 I needed time to think, not some kind of 407 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,440 non-consensual Duke of Edinburgh. 408 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,440 It's like Chief Ken says, I'm not really good at anything, 409 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:56,840 except maybe capoeira. 410 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,560 So totally batshit, Dale. 411 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:00,720 But... 412 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:02,280 ..it WAS good to have some space. 413 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,360 Really good, actually. 414 00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:09,720 I'm really glad you're safe, love. Thank you. 415 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,680 Well, actually, you've got someone to thank for that. 416 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:16,880 A stranger who I weirdly thought was a spirit guide for a while. 417 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,520 Guys, I'd like you to meet... 418 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,880 Right. Can we get on the road?! 419 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,720 One hour till the meeting. I think we can make it 420 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,200 if I put this thing into sports mode. 421 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,640 Oh! Oh, my God! What the fuck?! 422 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,840 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 423 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,920 I can't believe what happened. This is the man of your dreams?! 424 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,040 Oh! Ow! 425 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,160 PHONE RINGS 426 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,120 It's 5:30, they're probably all in the Baker's Arms by now. 427 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,080 Jane, it's Ken. 428 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,320 Listen... Where on Earth are you? 429 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,160 We're all waiting. Yeah, I know. 430 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:26,800 Look, you've probably realised by now 431 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,240 I'm not going to make the meeting. 432 00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,360 I am so, so sorry. 433 00:22:30,360 --> 00:22:31,400 LINE BREAKS UP 434 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,560 Actually, I'm not sorry. 435 00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,280 BREAKING UP: I'm...sorry. 436 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:43,640 You see, my daughter was in danger, 437 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,400 and I made a choice to prioritise my family. 438 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,680 LINE BREAKS UP COMPLETELY 439 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:52,240 And I take those principles to work every day, 440 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,160 and I represent the underdog, the working man. 441 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,440 BREAKING UP: You dog, Jane. 442 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:58,840 I know you think I hate you. 443 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,680 BREAKING UP: I hate you. 444 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,080 I don't hate you. 445 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,560 BREAKING UP: I hate you. 446 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,200 So, please, let's start anew... 447 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:11,480 ..and work together to build a firm where we all want to be. 448 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,080 Good day to you. 449 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,120 BREAKING UP: A firm... F-you. 450 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,640 I motion we finally fire Ken Thompson. 451 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:22,840 Seconded. 452 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:23,880 Approved. 453 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:27,480 Goodbye, Ken. 454 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,680 Baker's Arms? ALL: Yes. 455 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,920 Well, if that doesn't do it, nothing will.