1 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:13,020 Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce our guest of honour, 2 00:00:13,020 --> 00:00:17,620 one of Walmington-on-Sea's most distinguished citizens. 3 00:00:17,620 --> 00:00:24,300 A banker, soldier, magistrate and secretary of the Rotary Club. 4 00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:27,660 A good fellow all round. 5 00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:31,540 Ladies and gentlemen, Alderman George Mainwaring. 6 00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:33,700 APPLAUSE 7 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:40,100 Mr Chairman, Mr Town Clerk, ladies and gentlemen, 8 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:44,180 when I was first invited to be guest of honour tonight, 9 00:00:44,180 --> 00:00:50,580 at the launching of Walmington-on-Sea's "I'm Backing Britain" campaign, 10 00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:53,300 I accepted without hesitation. 11 00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:55,980 - I - have always backed Britain. 12 00:00:55,980 --> 00:00:59,300 ALL: "Here, here!" 13 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:02,140 I got into the habit of it in 1940, 14 00:01:02,140 --> 00:01:05,460 but THEN, we ALL backed Britain. 15 00:01:05,460 --> 00:01:09,380 It was the darkest hour in our history. 16 00:01:09,380 --> 00:01:14,500 The odds were absurdly against us, but, young and old, we stood there, 17 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:19,580 defiant, determined to survive, to recover and, finally, to win. 18 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,700 Here, here! 19 00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:26,060 The news was desperate, but our spirits were always high. 20 00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:32,780 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 21 00:01:32,780 --> 00:01:37,020 # If you think we're on the run? 22 00:01:37,020 --> 00:01:42,740 # We are the boys who will stop your little game 23 00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:47,860 # We are the boys who will make you think again 24 00:01:47,860 --> 00:01:52,580 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 25 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:56,900 # If you think old England's done? 26 00:01:56,900 --> 00:02:02,180 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21 27 00:02:02,180 --> 00:02:07,780 # But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun 28 00:02:07,780 --> 00:02:12,820 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 29 00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:16,580 # If you think old England's done? # 30 00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:27,540 'The massive Nazi war machine is pushing its way across Europe, 31 00:02:27,540 --> 00:02:32,620 'laying waste neutral countries with a savagery unmatched in history. 32 00:02:40,180 --> 00:02:43,220 'When Hitler comes up against British troops, 33 00:02:43,220 --> 00:02:45,300 'it's a different story. 34 00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:50,220 'They fight him every inch of the way, giving as good as they get. 35 00:02:50,220 --> 00:02:55,060 'Is Tommy Atkins downhearted? We'll say he's not! 36 00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:59,740 'Why should he be with a leader like this? 37 00:02:59,740 --> 00:03:06,940 'To make Tommy's task more difficult, a new menace has been added to an already brutal struggle. 38 00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:11,300 'Parachutists trained to sabotage lines of communication. 39 00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:17,980 'And who knows? Even our own shores may not long be spared this, Hitler's latest trick. 40 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:20,180 'We all have our part to play. 41 00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:23,620 'Every effort is being made to confuse the enemy.' 42 00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:39,580 CRASH! SPLASH! 43 00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:45,820 'So look out, Adolf. Every day, our defences are strengthened. 44 00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:50,380 'And if they do come, let's give them a sharp welcome.' 45 00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:54,420 AIR-RAID SIREN WAILS 46 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:02,380 Ah, going home, are they? 47 00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:07,060 - Sir! - Well done, Pike. By Jove, these things are heavy. 48 00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:12,060 The sand's wet, sir. If the tide had been out, it would have been easier. 49 00:04:12,060 --> 00:04:19,420 - They'll do. Don't take so long the next time. - That's not my fault, sir. I had to pick the shrimps out. 50 00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:22,340 Ah, Mr Wilson. On there, please. 51 00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:27,580 It's a reasonable field of fire. It covers most of the High Street. 52 00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:32,380 Oh, yes, I think we can happily say that Jerry's parachutists 53 00:04:32,380 --> 00:04:37,340 will be dead as mutton from Stead And Simpson's to Timothy White's. 54 00:04:37,340 --> 00:04:42,100 We'd see the pavilion if that woman would get out of the phone box. 55 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:45,500 It's Mrs Hoskins calling her sister. 56 00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:50,420 Let's hope Hitler stays his hand till Mrs Hoskins gets the pips. 57 00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,780 And until we get a machine gun. 58 00:04:52,780 --> 00:04:57,740 - Last one, sir. - They're not high enough. - There's no more sand, sir. 59 00:04:57,740 --> 00:05:05,460 - There's a beach full of it. - The tide's in! The water's up to here. It went over my mum's wellingtons. 60 00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:08,540 Your mum's wellingtons are of little consequence 61 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:10,940 when Europe is writhing under the Nazi heel. 62 00:05:10,940 --> 00:05:12,860 Mum won't see it like that. 63 00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:17,700 - We could get some more sand at low tide. - Time is not on our side. 64 00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:20,300 How much copper have we got? 65 00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:25,300 - Copper? - Yes, copper, pennies. - About ten £5 bags. - Go get 'em, Pike. 66 00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:28,340 Lay them out along here. 67 00:05:28,340 --> 00:05:34,860 I don't think we ought to do that, sir. It'll cause a penny shortage. It'll be inconvenient. 68 00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:40,260 - They'll have to bear it. There's a war on! - Head Office won't like it. 69 00:05:40,260 --> 00:05:43,060 This is no time for red tape. 70 00:05:43,060 --> 00:05:47,980 At any moment, hordes of German parachutists may drop on us. 71 00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:55,100 They use disguises. They could come dressed as nuns, set up in that church and you'd never notice. 72 00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:59,100 - I - would, sir. That's the Methodist chapel. 73 00:06:00,580 --> 00:06:03,260 - Two bags, sir. - Ah, well done, Pike. 74 00:06:03,260 --> 00:06:10,020 The cashier says shall we open an account in your name and give you an overdraft? 75 00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:12,540 I'll talk to him later. 76 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:16,980 - KNOCK AT DOOR - See who that is, Wilson. - Yes, sir. 77 00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:24,420 - Pike, take this paper, lick it, and stick it in crosses on the windows. - It's an Army dispatch rider, sir. 78 00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:28,620 - He's got a packet. - Poor devil. Was it a sniper? 79 00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:33,620 - It's for you, sir. - Ooh, ah! This is the moment I've been waiting for. 80 00:06:33,620 --> 00:06:36,260 Pipped them to the post, did I? 81 00:06:36,260 --> 00:06:41,420 I sent a letter to GHQ, asking for instructions in case of an invasion. 82 00:06:41,420 --> 00:06:46,460 - I told them I'd served in the last conflict. - The Orkneys, wasn't it? 83 00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:53,460 I was a commissioned officer, Wilson, and I served in France... during the whole of 1919. 84 00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:58,540 - Yes, but the war ended in 1918! - Somebody had to clear up the mess. 85 00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:03,500 - Where were you during the war? - Mons, Gallipoli. I was a sergeant. 86 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,940 Never mind that now. 87 00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:10,940 "Dear Sir, In view of the danger of enemy parachutists landing, 88 00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:16,500 "a force of local volunteers will be formed to guard strategic points. 89 00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:20,940 "This force will be the Local Defence Volunteers." 90 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,500 - Miss King? - It's Anthony Eden! 91 00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:27,580 - In person? - On the wireless. They say it's important. 92 00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:34,140 INTERFERENCE 93 00:07:35,260 --> 00:07:42,020 'We want large numbers of such men in Great Britain, who are British subjects, 94 00:07:42,020 --> 00:07:46,300 'between the ages of 17 and 65 - 17 and 65. 95 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:52,260 'The name of the new force will be the Local Defence Volunteers. 96 00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:56,700 'This name describes its duties in three words. 97 00:07:56,700 --> 00:08:02,940 'Here, then, is the opportunity for which so many of you have been waiting. 98 00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:07,620 'Your loyal help will make and keep our country safe.' 99 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:12,180 Right! Let's go to it! Back to work, Miss King. 100 00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:16,220 We've got to set up an invasion committee. 101 00:08:16,220 --> 00:08:22,980 - Pike! - Yes, sir? - Whatever's the matter, boy? - I feel sick, sir, licking all this paper. 102 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:27,060 Now listen, we three are the invasion committee. 103 00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:34,100 - We appoint a properly appointed commander. - A what, sir? - Appoint a properly appointed commander - me. 104 00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:37,100 - ..All right? - All right. 105 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:41,300 - You will be my second in command. - Thank you, sir. 106 00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:46,100 What next? Means of conveying information to the public. 107 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:50,340 An information officer will be appointed. Pike, that's you. 108 00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:55,380 The information officer will be supplied with a megaphone. ..Oh. 109 00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:57,740 Ah! 110 00:08:57,740 --> 00:09:00,620 - Hold that, Wilson. - Yes, of course. 111 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,820 Like that? 112 00:09:02,820 --> 00:09:07,340 You'll find that improvisation is the keynote to... 113 00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:10,980 - ..success. - Well done, sir. 114 00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:13,740 There's your megaphone, lad. 115 00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:20,300 You're to jump on your bicycle and go round the town delivering this message. 116 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:26,540 "All local defence volunteers, report to the church hall at 6pm." Try that. 117 00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:28,940 (All defence...) 118 00:09:28,940 --> 00:09:31,700 Oh, come here. Let me show you. 119 00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:35,340 ALL LOCAL DEFENCE VOLUNTEERS 120 00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:40,700 TO REPORT TO THE CHURCH HALL AT 6 O'CLOCK TONIGHT! 121 00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:43,380 There we are. 122 00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:48,420 I don't know how you do it. 123 00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:51,260 History repeats itself, Wilson. 124 00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:56,740 Times of peril bring great men to the fore. Wellington, Churchill... 125 00:09:56,740 --> 00:09:59,940 - Al Jolson. - Al J... 126 00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:12,500 # There's a boy coming home on leave 127 00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:15,900 # There's a girl wants him home on leave... # 128 00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:18,940 The meeting was for 6. It's 6.20. 129 00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:22,980 I could have had time for a round of golf... 130 00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:27,700 - Excuse me. - Do you mind? We're waiting for the appointed commander. 131 00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:31,780 - I am the appointed commander. - Oh, sorry. 132 00:10:31,780 --> 00:10:34,460 Ah, there you are, sir. 133 00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:39,500 - Did you get the enrolment forms? - No. - Had the police station run out? 134 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:45,740 - I would have had to put in an application form. - Why didn't you? - They'd run out. - Oh. 135 00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:52,780 - I got those, however. - Paying-in forms? - Don't keep putting obstacles in the way. Get the first man in. 136 00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:57,020 Would you mind stepping this way, please? 137 00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:59,820 - Wilson, come here. - What, sir? 138 00:11:01,820 --> 00:11:04,020 I intend to mould those men out there 139 00:11:04,020 --> 00:11:06,700 into an aggressive fighting unit. 140 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:11,260 I'll lead them, command them, inspire them to be ruthless killers. 141 00:11:11,260 --> 00:11:15,940 I won't get very far if you invite them to step this way! 142 00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:18,660 - It's quick march! - Quick march! 143 00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:21,580 Not much point. I'm here already. 144 00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:24,420 - Name? - James Fraser. 145 00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:28,540 - Occupation? - I keep a philatelist's shop. 146 00:11:28,540 --> 00:11:30,940 - How do you spell that? - S-H-O-P. 147 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:37,500 S... Thank you very much(!) I imagine you've not had previous Army experience. 148 00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:41,820 - No! - We can tell. Once a soldier, always a soldier. 149 00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:48,140 I'm a sailor. Chief Petty Officer, Royal Navy - retired. 150 00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:50,500 Sign there. 151 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:54,180 Are you swearing? 152 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:59,860 - I never said a word. - You Army types. Swearing an oath of allegiance! 153 00:11:59,860 --> 00:12:04,580 Oh...yes, yes, of course. We'll do that later. Wait outside. 154 00:12:04,580 --> 00:12:07,660 The Boys' Brigade isnae in it(!) 155 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:13,700 - Watch that man. - Yes, sir. - Bolshy Jack Tars. - I agree. - Next man. - Right. 156 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:17,820 Next one, please. All right, quick march! 157 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,100 ..Halt. 158 00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:22,700 - How do you do? - How d...? 159 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:24,900 Name? 160 00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:27,580 Godfrey - Charles Godfrey. 161 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:32,300 - Occupation? - Retired, but I was 25 years in the Civil Service. 162 00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:36,340 - Really? Indian or British? - Civil Service Stores. 163 00:12:38,380 --> 00:12:41,420 Any previous military experience? 164 00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:46,180 I was in the sports department. That meant archery and air guns. 165 00:12:46,180 --> 00:12:51,100 Yes, well, no doubt your specialist knowledge will be of great use. 166 00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:53,860 - Sign there, would you? - I'd love to! 167 00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:58,700 - Is that all? - For the moment. 168 00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:04,420 - Don't I get a receipt? - This is a fighting unit, not a dry-cleaner's! 169 00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:07,820 Do that, would you, please? 170 00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:13,460 I'm sorry. Right turn! Quick march! And just bear round to the right. 171 00:13:15,780 --> 00:13:18,380 - Evening, gents! - Name? 172 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,780 My card. 173 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:25,220 "Joe Walker, wholesale supplier." 174 00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:30,020 I suppose you won't be with us long. You'll be called up any day. 175 00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:34,340 Oh, no, guv. I'm whatsitsname? Reserved occupation. 176 00:13:34,340 --> 00:13:38,700 - How do you work that out? - I supply central supplies. 177 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:43,620 - Any previous military experience? - A girlfriend in the ATS! - Sign here. 178 00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:49,220 Oh, by the way, any time you gents require anything, just give us a tip. 179 00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:53,820 - We'll bear it in mind. - Right turn! Quick march! - Pardon? 180 00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:58,580 - Right turn! Quick march! - You might wait for the ink to dry! 181 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:06,820 Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, halt, stand at ease! 182 00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:10,340 Evening, Mr Mainwaring, Mr Wilson. You know me. 183 00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:14,300 - Mr Jones the butcher! - That's right, sir! 184 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:19,060 - Isn't Mr Jones a little old? - Old?! Who are you calling old?! 185 00:14:19,060 --> 00:14:23,140 Let me at those Jerry parachutists. I'll sort them out. 186 00:14:23,140 --> 00:14:29,380 - Keenness counts, not age. - I'm as keen as mustard. - Any previous military experience? 187 00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:34,220 Now you're talking. I signed on as a drummer boy in 1884. 188 00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:39,100 Later, I saw service in the Sudan, fought the fuzzy-wuzzies. 189 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:44,820 Their great long knives zip you open. They soon know if you've got guts. 190 00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:51,860 The fuzzy-wuzzies were the only ones that could break the British square. 191 00:14:51,860 --> 00:14:55,700 Those Jerries couldn't break the skin off a rice pudding. 192 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:59,940 They don't like the cold steel. They don't like it up 'em... 193 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:01,340 Get him a chair, Wilson. 194 00:15:01,340 --> 00:15:06,020 - Do sit down, Mr Jones. - They don't like it, you see. 195 00:15:06,020 --> 00:15:10,020 Thank you, sir. I'm not as young as I was. 196 00:15:10,020 --> 00:15:14,700 But that won't stop me being in there with bayonets, cold steel... 197 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:19,780 - I think you've made your point. Sign there. - Certainly, sir. 198 00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:22,420 When did you leave the Army? 199 00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:28,420 1915, sir! I was invalided out, sir. The old minces. 200 00:15:28,420 --> 00:15:32,900 - I couldn't focus. - Presumably that's why you signed the table. 201 00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:37,620 I beg your pardon, sir. 202 00:15:37,620 --> 00:15:40,380 Right. Thank you, Mr Jones. 203 00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:43,060 - Oh, sir? - Yes? - There's... 204 00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:49,260 - There's a couple of pounds of steak, sir. Compliments of the house. - Oh! 205 00:15:49,260 --> 00:15:53,860 - By the way, sir, what about my stripe? - Your stripe? 206 00:15:53,860 --> 00:15:58,980 - I was a lance corporal for 14 years. Can I keep it? - I'm afraid you can't. 207 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:02,100 In that case, I'll keep the steak. 208 00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:04,820 Let's not be too hasty about this. 209 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,900 - We shall be needing NCOs. - Yes, sir. 210 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:14,180 Jones's previous experience could stand us in very good steak...stead. 211 00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:18,620 - Oh, yes. - Right. That's all...Lance Corporal Jones. 212 00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:22,660 Thank you, sir! Well, TTFN. About turn! 213 00:16:22,660 --> 00:16:25,820 Left, right, left, right, left... 214 00:16:25,820 --> 00:16:28,780 Can I do you now, sir? 215 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:32,740 Yes, very good, very funny. Awfully good. 216 00:16:32,740 --> 00:16:35,420 Oh, we'll share this later. 217 00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:38,100 MAN SHOUTS > 218 00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:43,260 - Who's in charge here? - I am. Why? - Get this hall cleared out at once. 219 00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:49,980 - History is taking place in there. - In five minutes, an ARP lecture is taking place in this hall! 220 00:16:49,980 --> 00:16:55,060 - I'll requisition this hall for military purposes. - Too late, mate. 221 00:16:55,060 --> 00:17:00,300 It's already been requisitioned for the civil defence. Get them out. 222 00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:04,500 - You're asking the Army to retreat? - You've had practice! 223 00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:09,540 - Stop. - We don't want to get excited. I've got my job and you've got yours. 224 00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:16,220 If you want to carry on in this office, fine, but get this lot out quick sharp! 225 00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:23,380 - We've only enrolled four. - We'll have to dispense with formalities. Get them all in here. 226 00:17:23,380 --> 00:17:26,740 - Right, come on! - At the double. 227 00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:30,340 All right, gather round. 228 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,980 Quickly, please. We all in? 229 00:17:34,980 --> 00:17:39,900 Now, men, you answered your country's call today. 230 00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:46,620 We're all here to defend our homes and our loved ones. I know you will not shirk that duty. 231 00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:51,620 With no guns, we are naked, but we have one invaluable weapon - 232 00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:55,700 - ingenuity and improvisation. - That's two. 233 00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,460 I want you all to go to your homes, 234 00:17:59,460 --> 00:18:04,420 gather what weapons you can and come back here in an hour's time. 235 00:18:04,420 --> 00:18:08,500 From tonight, whatever the odds, we Englishmen... 236 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,900 we British... 237 00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:13,900 we here are going to be able to say, 238 00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:18,100 "Come on, Jerry, we're waiting for you!" 239 00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:20,740 Don't forget gas masks. Dismissed. 240 00:18:20,740 --> 00:18:26,100 # Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye 241 00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:29,820 # Cheerio, here I go, on my way... # 242 00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:34,060 Squad, attention! 243 00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:37,820 Try to get it right. Stand at ease! 244 00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,700 Attention! 245 00:18:42,940 --> 00:18:47,660 All right, sir. The men are all ready for your inspection. 246 00:18:50,140 --> 00:18:52,740 Very smart, Corporal. 247 00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:56,020 ..What's that supposed to be, boy? 248 00:18:56,020 --> 00:19:00,860 - You said tie a knife to a broom handle. - I didn't say keep the brush! 249 00:19:00,860 --> 00:19:05,700 - You should've said! - Insubordination. Take his name, Sergeant. - Name? 250 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:10,820 YOU should know. You've been my mum's friend since before I was born. 251 00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:15,060 Well, see it doesn't happen again. 252 00:19:16,340 --> 00:19:21,500 - Where did you get that gun? - Eh? - THE GUN, where did you get it? 253 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:26,220 - It belongs to my friend, actually. - I see... 254 00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:32,500 - He's got a friend...a gun! - Yes, I can see that, sir. 255 00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:39,260 - I'm the officer. - Yes. - You're the sergeant. - Yes. - We ought to have that. - I agree. - Ask him for it. 256 00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:43,620 - It would have more authority coming from you. - No. - Right. 257 00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:46,220 Um, excuse me... 258 00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:50,980 - Mr Mainwaring would rather like your rifle. - Who? - Captain Mainwaring. 259 00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:54,900 - He can't have it. - Godfrey, hand over that gun. 260 00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:59,300 - Why should I? - Are you refusing to obey an order? 261 00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:01,860 We could have you shot for this. 262 00:20:01,860 --> 00:20:05,180 Tricky. He's the one with the gun! 263 00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:10,700 - Permission to speak, sir! - Permission granted, Corporal. 264 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:15,740 - Why don't we take it in turns to have the gun, sir? - Excellent idea! 265 00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:19,140 - Draw up a rota. Put my name at the top. - Well done. 266 00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:24,220 - That's looks formidable. - I pull him in with that then gie him that. 267 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:30,620 You needn't have bothered to dress. 268 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:35,700 As a matter of fact, it's my wife's birthday. We're going out for dinner. 269 00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:40,020 - Do you think you'll be long? - That depends on Jerry. 270 00:20:40,020 --> 00:20:44,980 - We don't want to interfere with... social arrangements. - It's all right. 271 00:20:44,980 --> 00:20:48,380 - We haven't really been introduced. - No. 272 00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:53,620 - May I introduce Captain Mainwaring? I didn't catch your name... - Wilson! 273 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:58,860 - What are you doing? - I don't know. I thought he might ask me too. - Oi! 274 00:20:58,860 --> 00:21:01,580 - Your wife's birthday today? - Yes. 275 00:21:01,580 --> 00:21:04,620 - Got her a present? - I haven't had time. 276 00:21:04,620 --> 00:21:07,020 Hang on. ..Hold that, Taffy. 277 00:21:08,420 --> 00:21:10,260 Anything there you fancy? 278 00:21:10,260 --> 00:21:12,500 I say! 279 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:17,100 There's a nice little thing. 15 jewels, 18 carat, Swiss-made. 280 00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:19,540 Ten quid and it's yours. 281 00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:24,860 - That's extraordinarily generous of you. Thank you very much. - Ta. 282 00:21:24,860 --> 00:21:27,940 Can I interest you? ..Thought not. 283 00:21:27,940 --> 00:21:30,500 Squad, stand at ease! Stand easy. 284 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:33,100 Splendid turnout, men. Splendid. 285 00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:38,020 If in one hour, we can achieve this formidable fighting potential, 286 00:21:38,020 --> 00:21:42,340 think what we could do with a week's training. 287 00:21:42,340 --> 00:21:46,900 - GHQ are rushing weapons and uniforms down here. - That's good! 288 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:51,740 Meanwhile, time is not on our side. The enemy may strike tonight. 289 00:21:51,740 --> 00:21:58,860 - We must learn how to deal with it. Squat on the floor. - At the double! - How can they squat at the double? 290 00:22:03,860 --> 00:22:06,020 Now... 291 00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:11,140 Sgt Wilson has kindly drawn this representation of a German tank. 292 00:22:11,140 --> 00:22:17,980 I want you to observe the following points. Heavy armour at the front, usually four inch plating. 293 00:22:17,980 --> 00:22:23,380 40, 50 or 60mm repeating canon here. Heavy machine guns here and here. 294 00:22:23,380 --> 00:22:26,820 Light machine guns here, here and here. 295 00:22:26,820 --> 00:22:31,060 High pressure flame-thrower here in the front. 296 00:22:31,060 --> 00:22:35,820 And I'm told on very good authority two hand grenade throwers. 297 00:22:35,820 --> 00:22:39,860 A formidable opponent, but we're going to tackle it. 298 00:22:39,860 --> 00:22:44,020 - The question is - how? - How about some sugar, sir? 299 00:22:44,020 --> 00:22:50,980 - Sugar? - Yes. - How would you use it? - Stick it in the petrol tank and the engine fizzles out. 300 00:22:50,980 --> 00:22:56,020 - I see. A very good idea. - Yes. Shall I apply for an extra sugar ration? 301 00:22:56,020 --> 00:23:00,420 Yes, if it doesn't work, we can put the rest in our tea. 302 00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:03,500 - How about some spuds? - Spuds?! 303 00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:10,980 Yes. You stuff one up the exhaust pipe and that stops gases coming out of the engine and the engine stops. 304 00:23:10,980 --> 00:23:13,380 I see. 305 00:23:13,380 --> 00:23:18,900 These Nazi tanks are equipped with very long, thin exhaust outlets. 306 00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:21,740 We could use long, thin spuds. 307 00:23:21,740 --> 00:23:25,180 - Charnock beauties are long and thin. - King Edwards. - What about a carrot? 308 00:23:25,180 --> 00:23:31,020 - Shall I order potatoes? - Yes. - If it doesn't work, we can have chips. 309 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:39,140 Your suggestions have stimulated a very lively discussion, but today we'll concentrate on my methods. 310 00:23:39,140 --> 00:23:40,660 Now, here are the weapons. 311 00:23:40,660 --> 00:23:46,580 Blanket, tin of petrol, crowbar, petrol bombs and a box of matches. 312 00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:50,980 Now, this is the procedure. 313 00:23:50,980 --> 00:23:55,820 First of all, we take cover, concealing ourselves from the tank. 314 00:23:55,820 --> 00:24:00,500 - Here, here. - We hear the tank coming, and as it draws level, 315 00:24:00,500 --> 00:24:05,620 the first man soaks the blanket in petrol and rushes towards the tank. 316 00:24:05,620 --> 00:24:09,380 We need a tough, commando-like boy. Pike. 317 00:24:10,780 --> 00:24:15,620 The second man will light the matches and set fire to the blanket. 318 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:19,980 - Sir, can I volunteer for that? - Very well, Corporal. 319 00:24:19,980 --> 00:24:24,460 - Do you think that's wise, sir? - ..All clear so far? 320 00:24:24,460 --> 00:24:29,420 Fraser, you'll prise open the lid of the tank with the crowbar. 321 00:24:29,420 --> 00:24:34,980 Walker will have bombs which will be pushed into the aperture. 322 00:24:34,980 --> 00:24:38,940 - Any questions? - What are you going to be doing? 323 00:24:38,940 --> 00:24:45,860 I shall be observing from behind cover and deciding whether or not to send in a second wave. 324 00:24:48,100 --> 00:24:55,100 Now, you must understand that the most important part of the whole operation is the decoy. 325 00:24:55,100 --> 00:25:02,780 It is essential that one man draws the attention and fire of the tank gunners to him and away from us. 326 00:25:02,780 --> 00:25:06,900 You'd better be the decoy. Bracewell - you, you. 327 00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:10,820 Let's try it. Get your weapons. 328 00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:16,860 Right, decoy, over here. You work over here in this corner. 329 00:25:16,860 --> 00:25:21,860 Godfrey, you're in charge of the tank at the other end of the room. 330 00:25:21,860 --> 00:25:26,300 Sgt Wilson will blow a whistle when we're ready. 331 00:25:26,300 --> 00:25:30,940 - Sarge, can I put the petrol on now? - This is a dummy run. 332 00:25:30,940 --> 00:25:34,420 - Stand by! - WHISTLE TOOTS 333 00:25:34,420 --> 00:25:37,180 I-I say! 334 00:25:37,180 --> 00:25:41,140 That's no good! Draw their fire. Do it again. 335 00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:44,620 I-I say, you Fascist beasts! 336 00:25:46,020 --> 00:25:50,700 - Where's the blanket?! - Sorry, I didn't hear them coming. 337 00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:53,580 Start again, start again. 338 00:25:53,580 --> 00:25:58,140 - This time, make a noise like a tank. - WHISTLE TOOTS 339 00:25:58,140 --> 00:26:01,020 - Vroom, vroom... - I say, you Fascist beasts! 340 00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:05,660 Blanket! ..Right, set fire to it! 341 00:26:05,660 --> 00:26:09,540 I can't get the matches to light, sir! 342 00:26:09,540 --> 00:26:16,700 - Wait a minute! Wait a minute! - Right, back to the start. Start again. 343 00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:18,100 Here we are, sir. 344 00:26:21,220 --> 00:26:23,020 Pike, take charge of the matches. 345 00:26:23,020 --> 00:26:27,060 - All right, sir? - I'll have the blanket, sir. 346 00:26:27,060 --> 00:26:29,380 WHISTLE TOOTS 347 00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:30,940 Vroom, vroom, vroom... 348 00:26:30,940 --> 00:26:33,860 # We're going to hang out the washing on the Siegfried Line... # 349 00:26:33,860 --> 00:26:36,180 Now, sir! 350 00:26:38,980 --> 00:26:42,100 Walker, get the bombs in! Pike, light the... 351 00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:44,980 FRANK! It's your bedtime! 352 00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:47,180 Mum, I'm blowing up a tank. 353 00:26:47,180 --> 00:26:49,940 You'll have to blow it up tomorrow. 354 00:26:49,940 --> 00:26:54,220 Arthur! I'm surprised at you. You know what time he goes to bed. 355 00:26:54,220 --> 00:26:55,540 Go along, Frank. 356 00:26:55,540 --> 00:26:58,060 - Yes, go along, Frank. - Mum! 357 00:26:59,740 --> 00:27:03,820 - Will you be round later, Arthur, for your usual? - Mavis... 358 00:27:03,820 --> 00:27:06,460 Please! Later. All right, fall in. 359 00:27:06,460 --> 00:27:09,980 A lorry! A lorry from GHQ, sir. 360 00:27:09,980 --> 00:27:14,700 Ah, this is it, men! Our weapons and uniforms have arrived. 361 00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:19,300 - Captain Mainwaring, sir! - Yes. - Just sign there, sir. 362 00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:24,180 - Sergeant, get the men to unload. - That won't be necessary, sir. 363 00:27:24,180 --> 00:27:26,860 Your uniforms and your weapons. 364 00:27:26,860 --> 00:27:34,260 - ..Thank you, sir. - Good Lord. Pepper. - Pepper?! - Pepper - enemy, for throwing in the face of. Five feet. 365 00:27:36,220 --> 00:27:43,780 Perhaps not quite what we expected, but every weapon in our armoury is another nail in the enemy's coffin. 366 00:27:43,780 --> 00:27:49,300 Hand out the armbands, Corporal. Sergeant, dish out the pepper. 367 00:27:52,940 --> 00:27:57,820 Have it with you always. If you see parachutists, let them have it. 368 00:27:57,820 --> 00:28:02,940 - That and the cold steel, sir. - That's the spirit. We're making progress. 369 00:28:02,940 --> 00:28:08,620 A short time ago, we were undisciplined. Now we can deal with tanks. 370 00:28:08,620 --> 00:28:13,340 We could kill with our pikes and make them sneeze with our pepper. 371 00:28:13,340 --> 00:28:18,620 Even the Hun is a poor fighter with his head buried in a handkerchief. 372 00:28:18,620 --> 00:28:23,500 But remember, men, we have one invaluable weapon on our side. 373 00:28:23,500 --> 00:28:26,260 We've an unbreakable spirit to win, 374 00:28:26,260 --> 00:28:32,820 a bulldog tenacity that will help us to hang on while there's breath left in our bodies. 375 00:28:32,820 --> 00:28:36,940 You don't get that with Gestapos and jackboots. 376 00:28:36,940 --> 00:28:39,540 You get that by being British. 377 00:28:39,540 --> 00:28:42,660 Come on, Adolf! We're ready for you. 378 00:28:42,660 --> 00:28:44,980 HURRAH! 379 00:29:36,140 --> 00:29:38,780 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd