1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,400 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 2 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:10,680 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:17,280 # We are the boys who will stop your little game 4 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,880 # We are the boys who will make you think again 5 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:26,840 # Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 6 00:00:26,840 --> 00:00:31,640 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:36,680 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21 8 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:41,400 # But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun 9 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:46,480 # So, who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 10 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:50,120 # If you think old England's done? # 11 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,480 SHOP BELL RINGS 12 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,600 Evening, sir. 13 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,640 Ah, Sergeant. 14 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,680 Early, aren't you, sir? 15 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,080 - Yes, I wanted to finish this battle plan. - I see. 16 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,840 And I'm afraid I had to rush my meal. 17 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,640 Oh, yes? What did you have tonight, sir? 18 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,760 Woolton pie and treacle tart. 19 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:21,920 - Really? That was a "real meal", wasn't it, sir? - Yes, yes! 20 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,480 Where did you get the treacle from? 21 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,520 Well, it wasn't real. 22 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:31,520 The pastry was made from potatoes, and the treacle from grated carrot. 23 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,560 What did it taste like? 24 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:34,960 Ohhh! 25 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,520 - Got a touch of indigestion? - Yes. 26 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:43,600 Well, would you like one of these? They're quite helpful. 27 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:47,000 Oh, thank you. "Calm Tums, for tummy disorders 28 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,240 "and air-raid strain." Why air-raid strain? 29 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,440 Well, sir, it can be embarrassing when... 30 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,480 - SHOP BELL - Yes. 31 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,800 # ..the white cliffs of Dover... 32 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,160 - Evening, Jones. - # ..white cliffs of Dover... # 33 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:05,480 Evening, gentlemen. Evening, Mr Wilson, Mr Mainwaring. 34 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,280 What are you taking there, sir? 35 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,280 - Cor, you shouldn't take those! - Why not? 36 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:16,240 - They'll keep you on the run, sir. - But I thought they did the opposite. 37 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:20,240 Have you got a touch of flatulence? This is what you want. 38 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,080 There you are - bicarbonate of soda. 39 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:27,400 I always carry this with me. I got in the habit in the Sudan. 40 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,640 General Kitchener was very keen on it, sir. 41 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:33,800 "Boys!" he'd say - he always called us that - 42 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:38,440 "Keep your bayonets sharp and your bicarb handy. 43 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,440 "That'll stop you getting the wind up." 44 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,840 He had a very dry sense of humour. 45 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:48,480 I've carried this for 45 years. Of course, I've refilled it... 46 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:53,320 - Well, I think I'll be all right. - If you fancy any of it, let me know. 47 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:58,440 BELL It'll be a wee bit crowded in here when everyone's here, won't it? 48 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,560 Well, we'll manage, Frazer. 49 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:05,000 Can we remove the bell, sir? It's a terrible nuisance. 50 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:09,120 Nuisance? It'll stop the enemy from surprising us. 51 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:15,360 We can't have these bicycles here. Tell them to get them out. 52 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,000 Yes, would you mind awfully, kindly taking... 53 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,000 Oh, give it in the form of an order, please. 54 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,080 All bicycles outside. Yours, too. 55 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:29,840 - And yours, sir? - What? No, on second thoughts, there's room for two. 56 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:35,000 Are you turning this into a second-hand bike shop? 57 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,040 Evening, sir. 58 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,080 Here's a tin of treacle. 59 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,720 I could have done with that earlier. 60 00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:44,120 Are we going? Is the parade over? 61 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:49,000 Of course not, stupid boy. They're taking their bikes out. You too. 62 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,800 Mum won't like me leaving my bike out, Uncle Arthur. 63 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:57,000 - It might get pinched. - That'll do, Pike. Take it outside. 64 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:00,040 - The saddle will get wet. - Never mind. 65 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,680 - Corporal! Fall the men in. - Yes, sir. 66 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,240 Sergeant, can I just have a word with you? 67 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:10,880 You must stop Pike calling you Uncle Arthur in front of the men. 68 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,920 It's bad for discipline. 69 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,400 Sorry, sir, but it's not my fault. 70 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,280 When he was little, he used to call me something else, 71 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:24,960 so Mavis - I mean Mrs Pike - told him to call me Uncle... 72 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,960 to stop him calling me something else. 73 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,880 What else did he used to call you? 74 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,920 - Daddy. - What?! 75 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:38,720 - You're not his daddy...his father. - Good heavens, of course not. 76 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,600 Well, tell him to address you properly. 77 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,640 Forward march! 78 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,560 ALL: One! One, two! 79 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,680 What are you doing, Corporal? 80 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,040 - Sorry, sir. The room's too small. - Put them back. 81 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:56,280 - Yes, sir. About turn! - Oh, pull yourself together. 82 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:58,320 Yes, sir. Forward. 83 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,920 It doesn't seem to work, sir. 84 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:05,160 - Oh, sort them out, Sergeant. - Yes, sir. 85 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,640 Er...platoon...about turn. 86 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:14,160 - Corporal, come out. - Sorry, sir. 87 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,680 - Now, who's missing? - Godfrey, sir. 88 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:22,120 Well, we'll manage without him. Now, I want you to gather round. Fall out. 89 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,800 All right. Sit down on the floor. 90 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,040 FRAZER: Oh, sorry! 91 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,480 Come on, now. Quickly as you can. Settle down. 92 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:37,120 Right. Now, pay attention. 93 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,160 I've had orders from GHQ, 94 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:43,720 giving us our precise instructions in case the balloon goes up. 95 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:48,080 Now, I asked you to parade here at the Novelty Rock Emporium, 96 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:52,720 because, if an invasion comes, this will be our command post. 97 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,960 - Who's in charge here? - Captain Mainwaring. 98 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,120 What are all them bikes doing? 99 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,440 - They belong to my platoon. - Well, shift 'em. 100 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,000 I don't think I like your tone. 101 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,960 Oh? Then I'll try it in a different tone. 102 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,000 THEY ALL GRUMBLE 103 00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:14,760 GET 'EM SHIFTED! How's that? 104 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,280 You're exceeding your authority. 105 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,200 Them bikes could be used by the enemy. 106 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,280 Er... I'm fully aware of the situation, 107 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:25,320 and I intend to deal with it. 108 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,120 You better, or I'll let your tyres down. 109 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:33,160 Don't you dare. Now, get out of my shop...er, my command post. 110 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:37,200 I will, but don't say I didn't warn you. And you, an' all. 111 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,240 THEY ALL JEER 112 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,600 Corporal, detail a man to watch the bikes. 113 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,600 Sponge, you nip outside and watch them. 114 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:52,400 Fix bayonets, and if that warden so much as lays a finger on them, 115 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,440 let him have it, right up. 116 00:06:57,040 --> 00:07:01,480 Lock the door, Jones. I don't want him trampling on you again. 117 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,320 Now, as I was saying... 118 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,720 In case of an invasion, this is our plan. 119 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,760 KNOCK AT DOOR 120 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,640 - Shall I let them in? - I'll deal with this. 121 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,360 I'll deal with this. Let me through. 122 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,800 Help him up, somebody. 123 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,880 Make way for the officer. 124 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,720 Now, look here... Oh, it's you. 125 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,840 Are you closed? 126 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:36,880 Why are you late, Godfrey? 127 00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:40,880 - I'm sorry. My bicycle had a puncture. - Well, come inside. 128 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,200 Lock the door again, Corporal. 129 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,720 ALL: Hello, Godfrey. 130 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,880 Come on, Godfrey. It's not a sherry party. 131 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,440 All right. Now, settle down. 132 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,520 Now, when the church bells ring, 133 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,400 you will report to the Novelty Rock Emporium here. 134 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,160 HE TAPS 135 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:08,640 There's someone at the door again, sir. 136 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,680 Corporal, wake up. 137 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:18,520 Now, we shall split in two. I shall take one half, and Wilson will take the other. 138 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:23,160 - One half will proceed to the crossroads, a mile up the... - HE TAPS 139 00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,200 ..a mile up the road here. 140 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:29,520 Now, these crossroads are a very vital strategic position. 141 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,960 He who holds them holds Walmington-on-Sea. 142 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,960 It will also be necessary 143 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,560 to cover the crossroads with a machine-gun post. 144 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:42,480 Now, I think the ideal place is Godfrey's cottage here. 145 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,800 You don't mind, do you, Godfrey? 146 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,840 Er...mind what, sir? 147 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:51,320 - Haven't you been listening? - I'm sorry, sir. I was talking. 148 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:55,640 We need your home as a gun post. Do you live with your sisters? 149 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:58,040 Yes, sir, but they might be in bed, 150 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,920 and as they're hard of hearing, they wouldn't let us in. 151 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,360 You've got a key, haven't you? 152 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,880 No, sir. They've got the only one. 153 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,760 They did promise me one once, but nothing happened. 154 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,880 - Permission to speak, sir. - Yes, Corporal. 155 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:17,200 Why don't we put the key under a flowerpot? 156 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,840 That's a very good idea. Hear that, Godfrey? 157 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,080 Arrange for it, will you? 158 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:27,960 Now, we shall send out patrols from these two...p... 159 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,040 these two posts... 160 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,560 and they will communicate... through runners. 161 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:42,120 - What on earth...? - Don't argue. Give me a penny. 162 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,440 I can't open the door! 163 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:51,400 - It's locked, sir. - Well, come and unlock it - quickly. 164 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:58,480 Hurry up, Corporal. For goodness' sake, man! 165 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,520 Oh, don't mess about. 166 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,560 I'm doing it, sir. 167 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,720 I told him he shouldn't have taken them tablets. 168 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,680 Well, you've got a point, Mrs Pike. 169 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:21,040 We'll dispose of your Channel Tunnel shares. 170 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,680 I'm very grateful for your advice, Mr Mainwaring. 171 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:28,520 As a widow, I don't always know what to do for the best. 172 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:33,440 No, I quite understand, but as your bank manager, I'm here to help. 173 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:39,800 Oh, thank you, Mr Mainwaring. You see, what I miss most is not having a man to look after. 174 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:44,200 You've got a button missing, Arthur. Why didn't you tell me before you left this morning? 175 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,480 Yes, all right, Mavis. 176 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,640 You sent for me, sir? 177 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,400 Yes. Those are the shares to be sold. 178 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,440 Well, I must go to it. 179 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:56,800 Mr Wilson's coming to supper with me tonight. 180 00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:00,560 Not tonight. He's taking a party of 18 to the cinema. 181 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,240 - Party of 18? - Home Guards. 182 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:09,200 It's a special showing of the film Next Of Kin. 183 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,360 Oh, I've heard of that. Are you all going? 184 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:15,760 Not me. I went with my wife and her two sisters. 185 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,440 Coals to Newcastle! 186 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:21,600 Goodbye, then, Mr Mainwaring. Thank you. 187 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,600 Bye, Arthur. 188 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,680 Well, I'm glad I'm not going to the cinema. 189 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:31,960 I've got a lot of work to do at HQ. I'll leave you to lock up, Wilson. 190 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:35,400 Oh, Mrs Pike's left her gloves. Run after her. 191 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,440 Yes, of course. 192 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:44,320 Ah. I'd better put that deed box away in the vaults. 193 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:53,160 I caught up with her all right, sir... 194 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:57,240 Well, where is he? He must have gone out by the back door. 195 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:01,560 The others have gone. Do you need me for anything else? 196 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,880 Er...no, thank you, Pike. 197 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:07,520 We haven't much time. The bus leaves in 15 minutes. 198 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,840 Why are they taking us to the pictures tonight? 199 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,920 Well, GHQ want all units to see this film. 200 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,640 - It's about the effects of careless talk. - Who's in it? 201 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:22,200 Oh, they wouldn't say. I think Geoffrey Hibbert. Some new boy. 202 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,880 - CHURCH BELLS CHIME - What's that? 203 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:29,520 Church bells. Funny time for them to ring. Somebody must be getting married. 204 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,440 Good heavens. It's the invasion! 205 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,480 What?! 206 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,120 What are we going to do, Uncle Arthur? 207 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:43,120 Well, you can stop calling me Uncle Arthur. 208 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:46,960 - Hadn't we better get to the rock emporium? - Do that. Yes. 209 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:52,920 - We're supposed to be going to the pictures. - We'll just have to go another night. 210 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,000 Get your respirator, gas mask and rifle. 211 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,800 I'll try and do something - I'll lock up. 212 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:03,880 - Don't forget your uniform. - Hadn't we better tell Mum we'll miss supper? 213 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,920 Is that you, Wilson? 214 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,480 He hasn't wasted much time, has he? 215 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,320 Soon as my back's turned he makes off. 216 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:16,040 Becoming a clock watcher, Wilson. I must talk to him - tomorrow. 217 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,880 # There'll always be an England... # 218 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:22,800 They're here, sir. 219 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:26,080 We're on our way down to the rock emporium, sir. 220 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,840 We just happened to notice your bike outside, sir. 221 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,800 There's not a minute to lose. 222 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:35,240 - What are you talking about? - The church bells. 223 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,600 What? I never heard them. 224 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:40,240 About 20 minutes ago. I was at home. 225 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:43,240 I went straight round to collect Jones. 226 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,920 That coach will be halfway to Eastgate. 227 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,720 Hitler's at our throats and my platoon's at the pictures! 228 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,760 Why aren't you there? 229 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,800 I was coupon counting, sir. 230 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,680 What are we going to do, sir? 231 00:13:55,680 --> 00:14:00,120 This means there's only... three of us to defend the whole town. 232 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:01,840 Yes, I know. Let me think. 233 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,280 Don't you worry, sir. We'll fight to the last. 234 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:11,240 And if we run out of ammo, sir, we'll give 'em the old cold steel. They don't like it up 'em. 235 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:16,240 I can't help it, sir. If I smell battle, it just gets me going, sir. 236 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,640 Look, put that away! 237 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:23,320 Sir, it'll be a bit of a job, defending the beach with only three men. 238 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,440 You're quite right, Frazer. 239 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,480 We must face the facts. 240 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:31,480 The three of us can't stop them from landing. 241 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,200 We must change our plans. 242 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,760 The commander in the field must always be flexible. 243 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,880 We must make a snap decision. 244 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:43,360 Well, don't take too long, sir. They'll be here in a minute. 245 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,960 Let's cross over to the key position. 246 00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,600 Three determined men could hold an army there. 247 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,520 If we can hold out for long enough there, 248 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:57,240 our regular troops can regroup for the counterattack. You see? 249 00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,320 Mind you, it'll probably be the end of us. 250 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:04,560 - But we're ready for that, aren't we, men? - Sir. - Of course, sir. 251 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:09,480 Good show. I think we'd better take this machine gun with us. 252 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:11,520 Right. 253 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,640 Grab a magazine, both of you. 254 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:17,080 I doubt there'll be any time for reading, sir. 255 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:22,240 - To Godfrey's cottage, at the double! - Aye, sir. 256 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:31,800 Are you enjoying your nice piece of haddock, Charles? 257 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,840 Yes, thank you, Dolly. 258 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:37,960 I had to queue up for 20 minutes just for that bit of fish. 259 00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,040 Are you parading with the yeomanry tonight? 260 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,000 No, Cissy, it's my night for the clinic. 261 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,000 Oh, I see. You ARE. 262 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,880 < Better hurry or you'll miss the parade. 263 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:53,000 Now, don't rush him, Cissy. I'm sure he's dying for more tea 264 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,960 and a piece of my upside-down cake. 265 00:15:55,960 --> 00:16:02,280 Oh, that reminds me. Have a nice little word with that nice Mr Walker tonight, Charles. 266 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:03,800 We need more sugar. 267 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,200 I'm not going on parade tonight. 268 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:10,560 < Oh, thank you, dear. I'm sure he'll get it for you. 269 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,560 PARROT SQUAWKS 270 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,720 Oh, what is it, Percy? Do you want your tea? 271 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:19,240 What about a little bit of my upside-down cake? 272 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,280 Here you are, dear. 273 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,320 PERCY SQUAWKS 274 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:25,640 No, no, dear. It's not maggots. 275 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,600 It's my upside-down cake. 276 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,160 KNOCKING AT DOOR 277 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,480 May we come in? It's an emergency. 278 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,600 Charles, dear, it's that nice bank manager, 279 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:46,440 Mr Mainwaring. He's outside. He's brought a gun with him. 280 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,400 I wonder what he wants. 281 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,440 PERCY SQUAWKS 282 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:52,600 Oh, come in, sir. 283 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,920 Why are you here? I thought you were in Eastgate. 284 00:16:55,920 --> 00:17:00,040 - It's my night at the clinic. - Get your rifle. The invasion's on. 285 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,880 - What invasion? - The Germans. Didn't you hear the bells? 286 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:09,080 - No, I didn't, sir. - We're setting up gun posts here. You've told your sisters? 287 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,280 - No, it slipped my mind. - Oh, well, too late now. 288 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,080 Evening, Miss Godfrey. 289 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:17,720 We'll put our gun here, where we've got a clear view. 290 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:21,240 Would you mind if we put this doily underneath? 291 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,400 It's rather a valuable table. 292 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,960 You know what we need, sir? We want a lot of sandbags. 293 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,760 What about some cushions? 294 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,360 Good idea, Frazer. Search the house. 295 00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:35,680 Charles, don't be so rude. Ask your friends to have some tea. 296 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,760 Er...just a moment... 297 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,960 < Oh, it's that nice Mr Jones, 298 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,600 the butcher... 299 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,760 Er, Mr Jones, 300 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,800 would you like a cup of tea? 301 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:49,520 No, thank you, Mrs Godfrey. The Germans are coming. 302 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,080 Yes, I know they are. So many coming for tea. 303 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,280 I think I'll make some more. 304 00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,520 Oh, good afternoon. 305 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:03,920 Er, Cissy, dear, there's a gentleman here selling pillows. 306 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,240 I think we ought to buy some. 307 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,960 They match the ones we have upstairs. 308 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,000 Just wait here 309 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,400 and my sister will attend to you. 310 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,440 Here you are, sir. 311 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,120 Well done, Frazer. 312 00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,120 There's the magazine, sir. 313 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,160 Where's your steel helmet? 314 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,920 In the confusion, I forgot all about it! 315 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:28,240 You've got to have a steel helmet! 316 00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,320 I have an idea, sir. What about this, sir? 317 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:37,360 Thank you, but I doubt a flowerpot on his head will help much. 318 00:18:37,360 --> 00:18:40,760 It's not a flowerpot, it's a steel German helmet. 319 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:44,360 - I brought it back in 1918. - Better than nothing. 320 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,680 Thank you, Godfrey, thank you. 321 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:53,120 Sorry about your plant, Godfrey, but this is war. 322 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,400 - Here you are. Try that on. - Thank you, sir. 323 00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,960 Right, here we go. 324 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,000 Excuse me. 325 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,480 Now, then... 326 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,520 Waaaaa! Waaaaaa! 327 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,320 What's the matter, Jones? 328 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,840 I've got a funny feeling in my spine. 329 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:19,160 Pull yourself together, you've fought before. 330 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:23,360 I know, but I've never had a feeling like this in my spine. 331 00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,400 Aaah! Oooh! 332 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,440 Eugh! Aargh! 333 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,040 SHE LAUGHS 334 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:36,840 Well, if he will wear a flowerpot on his head what else can he expect?! 335 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,080 It's a fine field of fire, sir. 336 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,720 They'll never get past. 337 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,840 Wait a minute! These won't stop any bullets! 338 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,600 You're quite right, sir! 339 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,840 Frazer, go and get these filled 340 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,400 with something a bit harder. Go on! 341 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,440 Now, then... 342 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,480 There we are. 343 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,440 PARROT SQUAWKS 344 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,480 Oh, golly, dear! 345 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:07,360 You really must get a conditioning powder for Percy. 346 00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:09,400 He's moulting terribly! 347 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,960 Oooh! 348 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,480 What about this?! 349 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:16,680 How many lumps? 350 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,400 Put the lot in. 351 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,720 Don't like it, Walker. 352 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,760 Don't like it at all. 353 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:33,800 Too quiet. 354 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,520 Funny you should say those words like that, Sergeant. 355 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:38,720 Oh, really? Why? 356 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:43,040 It's what the sergeant always says in them Western films. 357 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:47,680 The cavalry stops, and the officer looks through his field glasses 358 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,800 and suddenly the sergeant says, 359 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,000 "I don't like it, sir, it's too quiet." 360 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,560 What happens then? 361 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,400 He gets a dirty big arrow, right in the chest. 362 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:03,120 Mind you, sometimes it's the officer who says, "It's too quiet." 363 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:06,040 Sergeant still gets the arrow, though. 364 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:07,080 Aargh! 365 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,840 All right. Don't overdo things so much. 366 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,720 Hello, here's Pikey. 367 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:14,440 - Where's the Lewis gun? - It wasn't there. 368 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,600 What do you mean? 369 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,680 We went back to the church hall and the cupboard was bare. 370 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,480 Perhaps the Germans have got it. 371 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:24,680 They wouldn't know where it was. 372 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,520 Where's Captain Mainwaring and the rest of them? 373 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:31,480 Mr Frazer was the Lewis gunner. Perhaps the gun's with him. 374 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:35,600 If he's gone where I think he's gone, he won't need no gun. 375 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:40,960 Walker, would you stand somewhere else? This is really getting on my nerves. 376 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,600 Well, there's nowhere else. The place is full of bikes! 377 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:49,840 - Uncle Arthur? - What? 378 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,840 Do you think anything has happened to them? 379 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:53,920 No, no. 380 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:57,320 Why aren't they here, then? It was Mr Mainwaring - 381 00:21:57,320 --> 00:22:02,760 he said, "If you hear the church bells, go to the rock emporium," and he's not here. 382 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,360 Please stop talking for a minute. I can't think. 383 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,240 It's difficult when you go on like that. 384 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,720 Uncle Arthur? 385 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:13,760 What?! 386 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,160 I ain't half hungry. 387 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:19,840 Why didn't you bring sandwiches? You knew we were going to Eastgate. 388 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,760 I was going to have an ice cream there and supper at home. 389 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,800 Sorry. That's your lookout. 390 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:30,280 It's stupid, going on like that. I told you about that before. 391 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,320 Uncle Sergeant? 392 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,280 What is it now? 393 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:42,000 If anything has happened to Mr Mainwaring, will they make you the bank manager? 394 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,560 I hadn't thought about that. 395 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,120 If they make you manager, you can make me chief clerk. 396 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:51,120 Sergeant! Look what I found > 397 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,920 down in the cellar - from before the war - sticks of rock! 398 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:56,880 Do you mind if I hand them out? 399 00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:58,680 Yes, all right, Corporal. 400 00:22:58,680 --> 00:22:59,960 Right-ho, lads. 401 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:03,120 Get your sticks of rock here. Tanner each. 402 00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:06,280 Walmington-on-Sea. Stamped right through. 403 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,080 This has got Clacton on it. 404 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:11,560 What do you want for a tanner, Ashby-de-la-Zouch? 405 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,800 For heaven's sake, what are you playing at? 406 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,080 You're not taking money for that? 407 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,120 Ah. Well, they forced it on me. 408 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:21,160 Give it back at once. 409 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,040 Oh, all right. Want a stick? 410 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,440 That's the last thing I require now. 411 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:28,760 We can't keep on waiting for Captain Mainwaring. 412 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,760 We'd better carry out the battle plan alone. 413 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:37,800 Walker, Pike, get your things. We'll set up another establishment at Godfrey's cottage. 414 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,160 Sponge, you're in charge here. 415 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:46,440 Wait for half an hour, then send out a patrol to me at... Where? Godfrey's cottage. 416 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:47,520 Right, Sarge. 417 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:52,120 - Can I bring my stick of rock with me, Uncle? - No, put it away. Come on. 418 00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:54,840 I don't like it, Captain Mainwaring. 419 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:56,880 It's too quiet. 420 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:58,360 Can you see anything? 421 00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:00,400 Not a thing. 422 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,440 It'll be dark soon. 423 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,480 Wonder where the rest of the platoon is. 424 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,040 Likely they've left the coach and come back on foot. 425 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:14,120 All civilian vehicles must be put out of action during an invasion alarm. 426 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:15,800 They could be away for hours. 427 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,360 PARROT SQUAWKS 428 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:24,240 Miss Godfrey, do you think you could keep that bird quiet? 429 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,880 Could I go outside for a minute, sir? 430 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,400 - Oh, yes, all right. - Thank you, sir. 431 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,440 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 432 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,480 I'll cover you. 433 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,480 - Right. Now. - Sir. 434 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:53,600 If you ask me, I...don't think there's anybody at home. 435 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:57,040 Maybe Godfrey's sisters are in bed, Sergeant. 436 00:24:57,040 --> 00:25:00,120 Shall I get the key from under the flowerpot? 437 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:03,880 No, wait a minute. I don't like it, Walker, you know. 438 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,280 It's too quiet. 439 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,320 TOILET FLUSHES 440 00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:12,320 What was that? 441 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:16,640 - Sounded like the whatsitsname. You know, the... - Yes, yes. 442 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,160 - Hey, Sarge! Look over there, Sarge! - Over where? 443 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:24,040 There's a German soldier by the shed. Look at his helmet! 444 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:25,680 Blimey! He's right. 445 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,720 Come on. In here. 446 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,760 Quick as you can. 447 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:33,200 Hang on. Shouldn't we wait for Spongy and the rest? 448 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,920 No, it's too late now. Take aim. Fire! 449 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:52,440 - Let me at 'em! The filthy swine! I'll give 'em the cold steel! - Come back, come back. 450 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,080 Down, everybody! Stand by. 451 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,560 What was that noise, dear? 452 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,040 I don't know, and we can't interrupt. 453 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,240 Where did those shots come from? 454 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,120 From the summerhouse, sir. 455 00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:09,480 It's very nice. You can turn it round in the direction of the sun. 456 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,280 But the sun's not shining! 457 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:14,320 - Oh, shut up, Jones! Got the range? - Aye, sir. 458 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:16,320 Did we get him, Sergeant? 459 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:20,280 I've absolutely no idea. Now, just keep under cover. 460 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:22,920 Fire! 461 00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,960 RAPID GUNFIRE 462 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:38,720 I think we'd better clear the table, dear. 463 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,560 GUNFIRE 464 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,440 Now, you take the tray into the kitchen. 465 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,480 GUNFIRE 466 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,600 No, no, no, no, dear. Don't disturb them. 467 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:56,040 All right, dear. I'll shake the cloth upstairs from the bedroom window. 468 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,160 ANOTHER BURST OF RAPID GUNFIRE 469 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,320 Cor blimey! What are they using? 470 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:06,520 The cottage has disappeared. 471 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:15,080 I have a feeling we're facing the wrong way. 472 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,840 - I can move us round like this. - No, don't. 473 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:22,480 - Well, what are we going to do? - First, get into a safer position. 474 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,360 Follow me. Keep low on the ground. 475 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,960 Sergeant! Sergeant! Look! 476 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,000 What? 477 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,520 They're waving a white cloth out of the window! 478 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,360 They're surrendering! You'd better go in and accept it. 479 00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:46,760 No, no, Walker. I think perhaps you'd better go. I'll stay here, keep an eye on things. 480 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,320 Don't you think Pikey ought to go? 481 00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:53,640 Me? Well, you're the oldest, aren't you, Uncle Sergeant? 482 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,200 No, we'll all go together. Come on. 483 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:57,800 All right. 484 00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,840 - Captain Mainwaring! - Yes? 485 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:01,880 They're surrendering! 486 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,920 Three of them have come out. 487 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,400 Well done, men. We showed 'em, eh? 488 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,440 Stand watch here. 489 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,480 They may be up to their Nazi tricks. 490 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,560 I'm going to make them come right inside. 491 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,960 Put the light on so we can see them. 492 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,240 Kommen Sie hier! 493 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,240 They're Germans all right. 494 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:26,200 No, you kommen Sie hier - at once! 495 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:27,360 Mainwaring! 496 00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:29,160 Wilson! 497 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:31,880 You might have killed us! 498 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:33,760 YOU might have killed US. 499 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:35,440 Come inside at once. 500 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,480 Oh! What a... 501 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,240 I'm very disappointed in you, Sergeant. 502 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:43,080 You should have fought till the last man. 503 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:44,880 We thought you were Nazis. 504 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:51,360 - You should have kept on firing. - We might have killed you! - You had no business to give in. 505 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:53,680 But...you gave in first. 506 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,960 What?! We did no such thing. 507 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:59,280 I'm booking you for disregard of blackout rules. 508 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,160 Oh, all right, get on with it. 509 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,840 For the last time, I did not surrender. 510 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,960 Nothing would have induced me to surrender. 511 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:08,000 GUNFIRE 512 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,800 Get down! What the devil's that?! 513 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,040 It's Spongy with the rest of them. 514 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:16,560 Well, get a white flag out of the window - quickly!