1 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:07,240 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 2 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,720 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:17,320 # We are the boys who will stop your little game 4 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,840 # We are the boys who will make you think again 5 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:26,800 # Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 6 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:31,800 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:36,520 # Mr Brown goes off to town On the 8:21 8 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:41,040 # But he comes home each evening And he's ready with his gun 9 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:46,520 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 10 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:51,080 # If you think old England's done? # 11 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:06,000 - Oh, good morning, Mr Jones. - Good morning, Frank. 12 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,520 - How's Mr Mainwaring this morning? - A bit tired, I think. 13 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,000 Are these night patrols getting him down? 14 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,760 They're getting my mum down! 15 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,760 She's fed up with me and Uncle Arthur coming in at all hours. 16 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,280 None of us are getting enough sleep these days. 17 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:24,920 With the war on, we all have to get used to going a bit short. 18 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,440 That's what Uncle Arthur told my mum, Mr Jones. 19 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,680 Is this your wages cheque for the week? 20 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:33,760 Yes, it's a bit bigger this week. That's £2/12/6 21 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,880 30 shillings for Miss Mortimer at the cash desk 22 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:40,000 and 22/6 for the boy, Raymond. 23 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:44,960 - He used to get a pound, but I've given him a rise this week. - I see. 24 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:49,960 If you want good staff, you've got to pay them properly. 25 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:56,240 Yes. There's two £1 notes, a ten shilling note and a half crown. 26 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,200 I'll put it in the carrier bag. 27 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:02,880 If people hear I'm carrying wages, I might get knocked on the head! 28 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,200 Hello, Jonesie! Drawing out the wages? 29 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,480 Shh! Not so loud! 30 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:12,600 Hello, Spikey! 31 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:16,880 Morning, Mr Walker. Paying in again? That's three times this week. 32 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:21,200 I can't keep it all under the mattress - it gets so lumpy. 33 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:26,680 - There's something funny about this £5 note. - You mean it's a dud? 34 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,200 - I'd better show it to Mr Mainwaring. - All right. 35 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:32,960 Tell you what, I'll look after the shop, see nobody nicks nothing. 36 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,840 Are you paying in or taking out? 37 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,000 'Ere, d'ya want any clothing coupons? 38 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,680 - A bob a piece? - No, thank you. 39 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,760 - I'll do a special price. Ten bob a dozen? - No, thank you! 40 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,120 Petrol coupons? 41 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:58,120 - I haven't got a car. - Ah, I can help you there... 42 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:05,440 Look here, Walker, this £5 note is a forgery! 43 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:11,160 What's all this Walker bit? I'm not on parade now. I'm a customer! 44 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,720 All right, Pike. I'll deal with this. Come along to the next... 45 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,480 The point is, I cannot accept this note, Mr Walker. 46 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,680 You mean it's a fake? 47 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:22,960 And a very obvious one! 48 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,680 Only a fool would be taken in by it. Who gave you it? 49 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,960 - You did. - Well, didn't you...? - I - did!? When? 50 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,560 Last week. Don't you remember? I got you three bottles of whisky. 51 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,880 All right, I'll give you five ones. 52 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:43,040 You ought to take more care of your money, Mr Mainwaring. 53 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,160 - Here you are. - Ta. 54 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,920 - Can you get me some razor blades? - They're scarce, but ten bob a dozen. 55 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,480 That's a bit steep! 56 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,680 I told you, they're scarce. 57 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,480 Give me the money and I'll bring them tonight. 58 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,680 - Got any change? - No, I haven't got ten bob. 59 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:04,720 Wait a minute. I'll take it out of YOUR money. Just a moment, Pike. 60 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,480 There you are. That's one for you, and one for me. 61 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,160 You're a financial wizard, Mr Mainwaring. 62 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,360 I don't wonder they made you a bank manager 63 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,360 See you on parade, MISTER Walker. 64 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:34,000 I'll be there, Mr Mainwaring. Don't take any more dud fivers. 65 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:38,320 - Mr Mainwaring? - Yes, sir? - May I have a word? - Certainly, sir. 66 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,880 My name is West. 67 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,160 Yes, Mr West. Did you wish to open an account? 68 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:46,000 No, I did not. I'm an inspector from the Head Branch. 69 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,600 Ah. 70 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:51,360 - Perhaps we'd better go into my office. - Yes, perhaps we better had. 71 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,520 I'll open the door for you. 72 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,600 Come this way... 73 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:08,240 Oi, what's old Mainwaring been up to, having a bank inspector here? 74 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,920 Let me take your hat and gas-mask. 75 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,440 - Thank you. - Thank you. Do sit down. 76 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,960 Do you always interview people with a revolver on your desk? 77 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,680 Oh, yes. Especially in the spring. 78 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,960 What's the spring got to do with it? 79 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,320 Surely you realise Hitler is only waiting for the spring to invade? 80 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:35,160 And I suppose you think you'll stop him with that popgun? 81 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,760 Not only me. There's the rest of my platoon. 82 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,720 We're fully armed and trained to kill. 83 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:44,840 Really? Well, I shall come to the point at once, Mr Mainwaring. 84 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:50,120 Your monthly report to Head Office has become very irregular lately. 85 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:55,880 May I point out to you that I'm not only responsible for this branch, 86 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:59,240 but I'm also responsible for the stretch of coast 87 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,720 from Stone's Amusement Arcade to the Novelty Rock Emporium? 88 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,960 Some of you chaps will be heartbroken when this war's over. 89 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,960 You just love the Home Guard, don't you? 90 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:14,200 Gives you every opportunity to dress up and strut about in uniform! 91 00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:17,680 For your information, Mr West, I never strut! 92 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:21,440 What's that damn great gun doing there? 93 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,720 It's a Lewis machine gun, Mark 1. 94 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,600 We keep it there in the daytime, 95 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:30,200 as it covers the street from Stead and Simpson's to Timothy White's. 96 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,000 You'd use that to shoot at Germans!? 97 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,520 If they were coming out of Timothy White's, yes. 98 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,840 - They'd shoot back! - Very probably. 99 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,360 But they'd damage the bank! Don't you realise that?! 100 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,720 This is highly irregular! I must report this to Head Office. 101 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:48,320 - AIR RAID SIREN - Really, I... Excuse me. 102 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,600 - Sergeant Wilson! Private Pike! - Coming, sir. 103 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:03,240 - This is Sergeant Wilson, my Chief Clerk. - How do you do? 104 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,240 - And Private Pike, one of my cashiers. - Sir. 105 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,800 - What day is it, Pike? - Thursday, sir. 106 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:14,320 - What plan do we put into operation on Thursday? - Plan B, sir. - Carry on. 107 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,920 Please, sir, can I put Plan B into operation? You promised me I could! 108 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,080 Ah, that's what I like. Keenness. 109 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,240 - You don't mind, Sergeant? - No, sir. Not at all. - Carry on. 110 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:32,200 Attention all staff! Plan B will be put into operation! Non-combatant staff to Shelter A ! 111 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:36,080 Captain Mainwaring, Sergeant Wilson and Private Pike to Shelter B. 112 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,960 - Potential NCO material there, I think, Wilson. - Oh, yes. 113 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,240 Awfully good. Very good. 114 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:50,720 That's how it works here, sir. Like a smooth, well-oiled machine. 115 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,520 - No panic, no fuss. - No. 116 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,240 - There's one thing you've forgotten. - What's that? 117 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:56,960 Today happens to be Friday! 118 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,080 You stupid boy! Stop them at once! 119 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,320 Quickly, Frank! 120 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:12,920 Really, Mainwaring! What a complete waste of time! 121 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:16,600 Two hours we've been in that shelter, doing nothing. 122 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:20,040 All we heard was one plane, and it might have been one of ours! 123 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,240 Oh, no, sir. It was a Dornier. 124 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,600 You could tell by the noise the engine made. 125 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,600 NnnnnNNNNnnnn! 126 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:32,720 - That'll do, Pike. - They do have a high-pitched whine. They go...nnn-nnn-nnn-nnn! 127 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:38,800 Ours have a slower and steadier sound, like, mmmmmm-mmmmmm! 128 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:42,720 You can always tell a Jerry plane. It has a nasty, foreign sound. 129 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:46,080 THEY ALL HUM 130 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,960 This is no time for a lecture on enemy aircraft! 131 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,120 - Get on with your work, Pike. - Just go, Frank. Leave the room. 132 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:55,080 You realise I shall... Good heavens above! 133 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:56,680 How did that hole get there? 134 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:02,160 - I've never noticed that before, have you? - No, I haven't. 135 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,640 You fools! You...fools! 136 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:09,920 While you've been playing soldiers, someone's broken into the bank! 137 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,200 Get on to the police! 138 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,080 I can assure you, all the money's in the strongroom. 139 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,280 Then what is that? And that? 140 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,160 I'll get on the phone at once, but I do think... 141 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:27,880 - Where the devil's he gone to? - I've no idea. Mr Main...! 142 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:32,600 Oh, this is absurd! What are they playing at? Eee! 143 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,800 Someone's broken into the strongroom! 144 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:40,040 I say, somebody's broken through the floor into the strongroom! 145 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:44,480 Mainwaring! Can you hear me? Are you there? 146 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,000 - Can you hear me? - Hold it, Wilson! 147 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,240 Don't let it go! 148 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:54,480 All right, sir! Keep it steady! Keep it up, sir! 149 00:09:54,480 --> 00:10:00,160 - Don't...! - I'm trying to get hold... It's very heavy, sir! 150 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:05,720 - Let it go - easy, easy! Don't jog your end. - All right, sir. 151 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:10,320 What are you doing down there? Mainwaring! Mainwaring! 152 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:20,480 - Sir, if you could just lower your end... - Don't do that! 153 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:22,560 ..we could squeeze outside. 154 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:27,440 - Any movement could set this off! - We can't sit here all day holding it! 155 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,360 If you don't stop jogging your end, 156 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,600 we'll be sitting on a cloud, holding a harp! 157 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,960 Mainwaring! Why don't you answer me? Have they taken much? 158 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:39,960 Mainwaring! Wilson! 159 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,560 What are you sitting there for? What's that thing on your knees? 160 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:49,160 It fell out of the plane. The one you said was one of ours. 161 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:53,080 You fools! You fools! 162 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,320 Don't you realise that's a bomb? 163 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:59,360 It might go off at any moment! What would Head Office think? 164 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,240 Stay there! Don't go away! I'll get help! 165 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,560 Don't move, whatever you do! I'll get help! 166 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,600 Blimey! That was Shell, that was! 167 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,760 I've brought your sausages, Mr Mainwaring. 168 00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,720 They're nice and fre... 169 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:21,600 - That's funny. Mr Mainwaring? - Is that you, Jones? 170 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,800 - Yes, I brought your sausages. Where are you? - I'm here! 171 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:26,840 Where? 172 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:32,480 Oh, I get it. You're doing a camouflage. 173 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,560 That's very good. I can't see you at all. 174 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:40,600 - I'm here! - Oh, I give up. You're too good for me. 175 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:45,240 Give us a clue. Am I getting warmer? Warmer? 176 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:46,800 Quite warm, Jonesie, yes. 177 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:51,880 You shouldn't have gone to all that trouble to hide from me, sir. 178 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:58,320 I've brought you some sausages. I know you like a nice banger. 179 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:02,000 - We've got one of our own, Jones(!) - Eh? 180 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,280 - Jones! - Yes, sir? 181 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:09,640 - Listen very carefully. - Yes, sir. - Go and get help. 182 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,560 Blimey! Is that a bomb you and Mr Wilson are holding? 183 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,000 Of course it is! Go and get some help! 184 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:22,640 Yes, I will, sir. I will. Don't panic! Don't panic! 185 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,560 Don't panic! You're all right! 186 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:31,160 I'm in charge now! I'm in charge! Don't pa...! 187 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,720 Private Pike, come in here! At the double! 188 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:40,680 You hold on, Mr Mainwaring and Mr Wilson. Hold on. 189 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:45,160 - What's the matter? - Don't panic! - I'm not panicking. What's the matter? 190 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,560 I'm putting this bank under martial law! 191 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:56,120 - There's an unexploded bomb down there, Frank! - Then hadn't we better get out? 192 00:12:56,120 --> 00:13:01,600 - It's OK. It won't go off - Mr Mainwaring and Mr Wilson are holding it. - Oh, that's OK, then. 193 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,840 What!? 194 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,920 I'm going to clear the bank, 195 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:10,360 then I'll go to my shop and phone the bomb disposal people. 196 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,320 And they will do that. 197 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:17,920 Then I'll find the people of my platoon and come back here. Yes. 198 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:22,080 - What shall I do, then? - Er...put your tin hat on! 199 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:28,480 Get a gas-mask and a bayonet and don't let anyone in except me! 200 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:33,360 - What do I do if the bomb goes off? - Er, use your initiative. 201 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:39,520 - Frank! - Yeah? - Don't panic! - I'm not panicking! 202 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:45,360 Mr Mainwaring? Uncle Arthur? Are you down there? 203 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,680 Mr Mainwaring? 204 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,800 Uncle Arthur? 205 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,760 Is that the bomb you're holding? 206 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,840 Pike, what's going on up there? 207 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,600 Mr Jones is in charge. You have nothing to worry about. 208 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,760 We've everything to worry about. 209 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,920 Has he sent for the bomb disposal people? 210 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,000 - He's just phoning them now. - Thank goodness! 211 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,840 - Uncle Arthur? - What is it? 212 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,080 - Do you think I out to phone Mum to tell her? - No! 213 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,280 She'll be angry if she finds out and you didn't tell her! 214 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,640 Frank, please! 215 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:29,080 - Pike, are the staff out of the bank? - Mr Jones is doing it, sir. 216 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:33,120 Make sure he is. Get everybody out of the bank. 217 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,880 Righto, sir. What plan, sir? A, B, C, D or E? 218 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,080 Any bloody plan! 219 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,200 Attention all staff! Put Plan B into operation... 220 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:53,360 - Who are you shouting at, lad? - The staff. We're using Plan B. 221 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,840 What are you talking about? There's nobody there! 222 00:14:55,840 --> 00:15:00,240 Some wild-eyed lunatic said there was an unexploded bomb in the bank. Is that right? 223 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,040 Get back! Go on, get back! 224 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,800 Have you gone barmy? 225 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:09,800 This bank is under martial law! No-one gets in unless Mr Jones says! 226 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,840 Put that down, I'm trying to help! 227 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,640 No! I've got my orders, and no-one will stop me carrying them out! 228 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:16,680 Argh! Argh! 229 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:20,520 What are you playing at? 230 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:25,640 Strewth! 231 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,720 Is that a bomb you're holding, Mr Mainwaring? 232 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,440 If anybody else asks me that, I shall go mad! 233 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:39,680 Don't you realise that bomb could blow up half the high street? 234 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,800 This is an ARP matter! I'm taking charge of the situation. 235 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,280 Don't do anything silly. I'll be back in a minute. 236 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:49,560 - Don't panic! - I'm not panicking! 237 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,600 Are you frightened, Wilson? 238 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:59,440 Well, now that you've brought it up, yes, I am a bit. 239 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:00,920 So am I. 240 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:05,480 Not only that. I've got a terrible - maddening, it is - 241 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:09,880 itching on the end of my nose. 242 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:17,000 - Oh. You hold it steady with both hands and I'll wiggle my left hand out. - Oh, good. 243 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:22,080 I think I can probably... scratch your nose. 244 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:25,120 That's awfully good of you, sir. 245 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,040 - Thank you very much. - Hold it still. - Yes. 246 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,160 - How's that? - Much better, sir. 247 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,840 - Any more? - No, no, no. That's...just right. 248 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,320 Gosh...! 249 00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:59,640 Gie's a hand. 250 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,280 How long since you phoned the bomb disposal people? 251 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:07,520 About 20 minutes. They said they'd be as quick as they could. 252 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:08,760 I hope to God they are. 253 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:15,760 Captain Mainwaring...we're here. 254 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:18,240 Is there anything you need? 255 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,880 I've got your razor blades, Mr Mainwaring! 256 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,160 That's a stupid remark, that is! 257 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:30,040 He won't want to shave at a time like this! 258 00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:31,840 I'm trying to comfort him. 259 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,720 In times of stress, you need to talk about normal things. 260 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,120 Yes. We ought to try and keep things as normal as possible. 261 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:44,840 - Corporal Jones? - Yes, sir. - Listen. Get your men out of the bank. 262 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,240 There isn't anything you can do. 263 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,360 There's no point in risking your lives unnecessarily. 264 00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,960 I think he's right, you know. 265 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,840 There's nothing we can do, even if we stay. 266 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:59,520 I see, it's like that, is it? Anyone else want to go? 267 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:04,400 Hang on. I didn't say I wanted to go, I just don't see what we can do. 268 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:08,200 - I don't care about that. I'm staying. - What about you, Mr Godfrey? 269 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:13,760 I'd rather stay. It must be a comfort to them to know we're here. 270 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,480 After all, Mr Mainwaring wouldn't leave us. 271 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:21,320 I can't leave my Uncle Arthur. My mum wouldn't like it. 272 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,440 - What about you blokes? - I'm staying. 273 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,360 Right. Joe, if you want to go, go. 274 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:29,240 Hey! I didn't say I wanted to go, you old duffer! All I said was... 275 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:33,160 Oi! What do you blokes think you're doing here? 276 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,960 Nobody's allowed in here. I've cleared the street. 277 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,000 You're not clearing us out - I'M in charge! 278 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,160 This is an ARP matter! I'M in charge! 279 00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:44,120 That don't cut it with me, mate - I'm in command here. 280 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:45,800 I'm second-in-command! 281 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,720 Captain Rogers, bomb disposal. I'M in command. 282 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,240 Oh, yes, sir. Right, sir. 283 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,360 Don't do that! 284 00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,440 Where is this bomb? 285 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,720 - Are you chaps all right? - Yes, thank you. 286 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,880 We'll soon get you out of that mess...I expect. 287 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:13,600 Tell me, who keeps the key to the strongroom door? 288 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:17,560 We do, but they're both on us. 289 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,280 Can't you get through the hole? 290 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:22,000 I wouldn't like to chance it with my weight. 291 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,760 It might set that damn thing off. 292 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,480 It's a bit tricky, that. Rather tricky. 293 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:32,880 They've got the only two keys down there. 294 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,560 - Permission... - Jonesie, I'm going to kill you! 295 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,400 - Permission to speak, sir? - Pardon? 296 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:44,400 Let me go down that hole, sir. I'd like to go down that hole. 297 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:49,040 No, sir. I'm much more wiry than he is, sir! 298 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,440 I wouldn't want to chance anyone going down there. 299 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,720 The bomb is balancing on a piece of wreckage. 300 00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,640 Anyone jumping down there might disturb it, 301 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,000 and the whole shebang will go sky-high! 302 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,320 Yes...well, I'll go and see if the street's clear. 303 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:09,880 Leave it to me! Hold on a wee while longer. 304 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:13,000 I think I've got something in the shop that'll do the trick! 305 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,920 Hey, I've got a bite! 306 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,280 Whatever you do, don't pull it now! 307 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,200 All right. Take it up. Slowly. Very gently. 308 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:50,080 All right, Captain Rogers will be down in a minute. 309 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,560 Thank goodness for that. 310 00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:00,400 - How are we today? All right? - As well as can be expected(!) 311 00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,120 - Can you manage? - Yes, thank you. 312 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:10,800 Ah, it looks like an SC-50. Yes... 313 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:14,680 I'll just make sure. I think it is. 314 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:17,160 We want to know what we're tampering with, eh? 315 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,760 - It would be as well. - Let's see... 316 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:24,640 Ah, yes. It contains 25 kilograms of high explosive, 317 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:29,680 and makes a crater six metres in diameter, three metres in depth. 318 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:34,680 I thought they'd stopped using these small bombs. 319 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,800 - Is this a small one? - Oh, Lord, yes! 320 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,760 They're using 100kg ones now. 321 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:42,720 But I have a pet theory about these bombs, you know. 322 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,680 I think there's a dead area. 323 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:48,600 If you're in the right position, you'll only get slight concussion. 324 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,160 - I haven't put it to the test. I wouldn't like to, would you? - No. 325 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,920 I can't hear a damn thing! 326 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,760 Your heartbeats are vibrating against the casing. 327 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:04,000 Would you mind taking a deep breath and holding it? In we go... 328 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,440 THEY INHALE 329 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:06,920 Hold it. 330 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,600 One more, please. Deep breath in... 331 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,600 THEY INHALE 332 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,000 Hold it! 333 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,560 - That's fine. Nothing to worry about. - Can we let it out now? - Oh, yes! 334 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,480 THEY EXHALE 335 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:26,880 Now, then, I think we can penetrate. 336 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,440 Aha... Nasty. 337 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:47,680 Very nasty. 338 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,040 I'm afraid we've got a trembler. 339 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,400 - Is that a bad thing? - It's not good. 340 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:03,080 - I'll have to go and get a special tool to deal with that. - Oh, no! 341 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,440 I'll have to nip back to HQ. 342 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,680 I'll put that on to steady it. 343 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,520 Whatever you do, don't tip it at all. 344 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:14,600 Otherwise... Well, just keep it level. 345 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:17,120 I'll get back as fast as I can. 346 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,200 I'll deal with it then. 347 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:30,080 I'll just close this door. We don't want anybody to pinch anything, eh? 348 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:35,120 You know, sir, I don't think I can stand very much more of this. 349 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,480 Oh, come on, Wilson. Cheer up. 350 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:46,560 "There is a destiny that shapes our ends, rough hew them as we will." 351 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,920 I'm reminded of the tale 352 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:55,960 of the Australian soldier sent to the front. 353 00:23:55,960 --> 00:24:00,680 He was met by a British officer who said, "Did you come to die?" 354 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,560 And he said, "No, sir, I came yesterdie!" 355 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:14,160 It's a play on the words, you see. 356 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:18,560 - On the pronunciation of the word "die". - Yes... 357 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:21,160 Do you get it? 358 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,760 Yes, I do get it. Yes. 359 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:33,080 HAMMERING FROM ABOVE 360 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:40,680 Just a wee while longer. You'll be out in no time. 361 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:46,320 It's all right, sir. We've got everything organised up her. 362 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:51,840 Excuse me. I wonder if you'd care for a cup of coffee? 363 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:56,520 - Lovely! - Thank you, Godfrey. It'll be most welcome. 364 00:24:56,520 --> 00:25:01,520 - One lump or two? - Two, please. - Mr Wilson? - No sugar for me. 365 00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,840 We're nearly ready now, Mr Mainwaring. 366 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:10,960 - What's going on up there, Corporal? - You'd be surprised! 367 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:12,720 HAMMERING CONTINUES 368 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:19,240 JONES: When I give you the signal, you lower this away, right? 369 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,800 - Right. - Oh! Wait a minute! Oh! 370 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,800 No! Not me! No! 371 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,400 Take it up! Take it up! 372 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:38,400 - Steady! - Are you all right, Jonesie? - Don't rock this thing! 373 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,480 - Be very careful. - All right. 374 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:46,240 - Now you'll be all right, sir. - What on earth are you doing, Jones? 375 00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,200 We're going to lift this bomb off you. 376 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:54,320 - Shouldn't you wait for Capt Rogers? - No, he'll be ages. No time to lose. 377 00:25:54,320 --> 00:26:00,800 - It's worth a try. - Here's your coffee, Mr Mainwaring. - Thank you. 378 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,240 That's the wrong one, Godfrey! 379 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,400 Oh, dear! Then the other one's wrong, too! 380 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,760 Ah. 381 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:17,520 - Could you put your finger there? - Certainly. 382 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:22,120 Walker! Put that money down at once! 383 00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:27,840 - Sorry, sir. I suddenly felt that I'd like to die rich. - That'll do! 384 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:31,560 Godfrey! What kind of knot do you call that? 385 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,880 It's one we used at the Civil Service for Christmas presents. 386 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:38,600 I think it's called the Cupid's Bow. 387 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,280 It's a good job I didn't have you with me in the Navy! 388 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:45,240 I don't know. I've always fancied the idea of being a sailor. 389 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:46,920 You nearly ready, Jock? 390 00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:49,040 That should do the trick, Jonesie! 391 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,840 You lot go upstairs and get ready to haul. 392 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:56,880 I'll stay down here and keep the bomb steady. 393 00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:00,640 Don't worry about the coffee cups. I'll wash them up later. 394 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,960 - Now, Mr Wilson, you know what we're going to do? - Yes. 395 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,640 We'll take this bomb off you, 396 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:12,120 and we've pulled it up a little way, we'll tie it off. 397 00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:15,720 - Thank you, Jonesie. - That's all right, my dear. 398 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,840 - You all right, Mr Mainwaring? - Yes, Corporal. 399 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:23,440 - I think you'll get mentioned in dispatches for this! - I doubt it. 400 00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:26,520 When it's all over, I'll give you half a pound of liver. 401 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:33,760 - Are you lot ready up there? - Aye! - Well, you take the strain. - Righto! 402 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,200 - Take the strain! Away you go! - Steady! 403 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,880 Wait a minute! Wait a minute! No! 404 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,160 Well, men... 405 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:53,680 every member of our platoon is part of a close-knit unit. 406 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,960 It's safe to say every man today played his part to the full. 407 00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,240 - ALL: - Thank you, sir. - Here's to you! 408 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:04,000 On behalf of Head Office, I think I can say we're proud of you all for saving the bank. 409 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,400 Thank you, sir. 410 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:09,520 Sir, that was eleven pints and Mr Godfrey's port and lemon. 411 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,600 All of that came to 10/6. 412 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:16,160 Mainwaring, I think Head Office would like to show their gratitude. 413 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,160 - Take it out of that. - That's very civil of you. 414 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:24,840 Where's my Arthur? Arthur, there you are! Are you all right? 415 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:28,040 Mavis! Please...! No need to fuss. 416 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:32,360 - But that bomb! - No need to get hysterical like this. 417 00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:36,720 You're so brave, you really are! And you, Mr Mainwaring! 418 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,480 Thank you very much. 419 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:43,920 Excuse me, sir. She won't take it. 420 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:47,120 - That's very generous of her. - No, she says it's a dud. 421 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:52,120 Don't worry about it. Here, take it out of this. 422 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,480 Walker! That money belongs to the bank! 423 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,840 Does it? I thought it was bomb damaged!