1 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:08,160 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 2 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:11,960 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:17,920 # We are the boys who will stop your little game, 4 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:22,520 # We are the boys who will make you think again. 5 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:27,440 # 'Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 6 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:32,360 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:37,120 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21, 8 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:41,840 # But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun. 9 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:46,880 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 10 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:51,760 # If you think old England's done? # 11 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:59,520 GERMAN ACCENT: Follow telegraph poles. Look out for main road. 12 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,520 Turn right. Carry on until road forks. 13 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:08,040 Bear left. Stop and look for signal west-nor'west. 14 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:15,560 - The woman's name? - Fraulein T. The password is "Ich weiss nicht, was soll es bedeuten." 15 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,760 What are you two smiling at? 16 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:24,320 You'll be the only girl in Berlin. 17 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:28,360 It's ever so romantic, don't you think, Arthur? 18 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:30,800 Yes... Yes, I do. 19 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,520 SPEECH INAUDIBLE 20 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:42,920 - In a way, he's rather like you, Arthur. Strong. Masterful. - Oh, really? Do you think so? 21 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:50,240 - Who is this chap? Some sort of foreigner? - Yes, yes. 22 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:55,680 Disgraceful. Why couldn't they have got a British chap to act the part? 23 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:03,400 Did you see the way he held her in his arms? 24 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:10,600 Frank! Take your thumb out of your mouth! Sorry, Mum. 25 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:26,400 I say, do you mind sitting up? Do you mind sitting up? I can't see the screen. 26 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:37,360 - Sssh! - What's the matter? - It's Mr Mainwaring! - Ohh! 27 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,880 Sssh! Don't turn round! 28 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:47,440 Disgraceful, the way people behave in cinemas. Isn't it, Wilson? Wilson! 29 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,960 Yes. Yes it is, yes. 30 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,680 I find all this very embarrassing. 31 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:09,080 I usually sit in the two-and-threepennies. 32 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:13,600 You have to take what seats you can, in war-time. 33 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:21,120 - This war's an excuse for anything. This cinema's like a bacchanalian orgy! - It's not as bad as all that. 34 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:26,240 Morals have gone to pieces. There's far too much permissiveness. 35 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:35,480 I'll be glad when this war's over and people stop doing this sort of thing. I'm glad my wife isn't here. 36 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:41,520 - Why couldn't she come tonight? - She's not keen on the talkies. - Why not? 37 00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:49,200 When Al Jolson first opened his mouth and said, "You ain't heard nothing yet", she got a headache. 38 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:54,480 - She hasn't been to the cinema since. - But that was twelve years ago! 39 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,520 She's not a great one for change. 40 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:04,840 Mum. Mmm? That's Mr Jones. 41 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,400 He's in front of Mr Mainwaring. No! 42 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:11,920 It can't be! It IS. 43 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,000 Mr Mainwaring! Frank! 44 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:23,000 I think that's Mr Jones over there in front of you. 45 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,280 That you, Jones? 46 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,320 Oh, hello, Mr Mainwaring. 47 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:38,960 This is a friend of mine. This is, um, Mrs Fox. 48 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:42,120 - Hello. - Good evening. 49 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:45,160 - She's a widow, you know. - Really? 50 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,920 SOUNDTRACK STARTS 51 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:57,960 This is the Gaumont British News, presenting the truth to the free peoples of the world. > 52 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,760 STIRRING MUSIC 53 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:09,480 It's a busy day for Mr Churchill. At 10 o'clock he inspects units of the fleet somewhere in England. 54 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:15,160 At 11 o'clock, he gives a cheery smile to our gallant Czech allies. 55 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:20,000 Hello, what's this that's caught his eye? 56 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:25,600 It's their regimental mascot. He can't wait to have a go at Adolf! 57 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:30,120 - Did you see that magnificent ram? - Yes - it's awfully nice. 58 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:35,080 - That gives me an idea. - Oh, lord, no, sir! No! 59 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:42,680 Oh. I'll tell you later. Come on. Report for duty. Come on, Frank. That applies to you too, Walker. 60 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,200 I haven't seen the Donald Duck yet. 61 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,320 Your scarf, Frank! 62 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,840 Now, pay attention. 63 00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,000 Last night, I went to the cinema. 64 00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,560 I saw something that made me think. 65 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,080 - Permission to speak, sir? - Yes? 66 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,600 That lady and I are just good friends. 67 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:08,600 I'm not talking about YOU. I mean the ram. 68 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,000 What's the difference? 69 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:16,040 The regimental mascot that we saw in the newsreel. 70 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:23,560 As you know, on Sunday morning, there's a parade of all the civil defence units and home guard units, 71 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:27,880 for the start of Spitfire Fund Week. We'll be leading it. 72 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:32,160 It might be a good idea if WE had a mascot. 73 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:37,400 I'm not sure what sort of mascot. I'm going to let you think about it. 74 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:45,120 - Permission to speak, sir? - Yes. - In days gone by, ships used to have a painted lady for their mascot. 75 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,640 Yes. 76 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,760 I was thinking of something live. 77 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:54,000 Couldn't we have a live painted lady? 78 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,120 Just be quiet for a moment, please. 79 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,000 I've got a white mouse. 80 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,040 Stupid boy! 81 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,720 I've got a very large pussy-cat. 82 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:12,640 Yes. Right. I appreciate your suggestion, Godfrey, but er... 83 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:17,880 We might find it a little difficult to make a pussy-cat march smartly. 84 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:24,840 It's just occured to me, sir - perhaps we could use a ram ourselves. 85 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:29,920 Private Sponge here is a farmer. Maybe he could help us. 86 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,960 Rams are funny-tempered at this time of year. 87 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:39,440 Why are they funny-tempered at this time of year? 88 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:45,480 Well, like the man said, it's...er...the time of year. The time of year. 89 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,120 What time of year? 90 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:54,200 - The time when they're after... - Yes, all right, all right. 91 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:57,120 Don't you tell this boy anything? 92 00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:03,800 - Um... - I take it, Private Sponge, that you'll lend us one of your rams? 93 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,760 If you can catch one, you're welcome. 94 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:10,280 Nonsense. One section should do it. 95 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,600 - Go and see to Mr Hodges. - Yes, sir. 96 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,200 Can I... Can I help you at all? 97 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:23,040 - Is Napoleon busy? - Yes, he's trying to find a way to catch a ram. 98 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,560 That'll help the war effort (!) 99 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:31,920 - We'd like to walk behind the ram at the parade. - Like sheep, you mean? 100 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:38,400 - What is it, warden? - Can I have a private word about the parade? 101 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:45,080 - We've no secrets here. - Right. Here's the plan. You're at the back. 102 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:51,440 Don't be absurd. We are LEADING the procession. 103 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:59,600 - I've made the decision. You're at the back. - I talked to Councillor Conway about it at the Rotary luncheon. 104 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:08,000 - Don't you come that class distinction stuff! - I'll be marching with the ram at the front. - That's up to you (!) 105 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:16,480 - We have a mascot. - I don't care if you've got a dove-cote. - Why did you think YOU'd be leading the parade? 106 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:21,880 Alphabetical order. ARP - Home Guard. A comes before H, don't it? Look. 107 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:26,920 First the Sea Scouts Band, then us - the ARP, then the nurses, 108 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:31,960 then the rescue service, the ATC, then the Fire service, F, you see, 109 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:37,160 - G, H, H for Home Guard, that's you, you're last. - Don't be ridiculous. 110 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:42,280 How can the nurses and rescue come before us? N and R come after H. 111 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,760 No - Auxiliary Nurses and Auxiliary Rescue. 112 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:49,000 A comes before H. 113 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:53,040 - We're Army. That's an A. - You're not proper army. 114 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:57,560 We're auxiliary army. That puts us even further in front. 115 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:02,040 - How can you be auxiliary army? - It's simple. 116 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:06,560 We're army, he's ARP. That's two A's, so we're level. 117 00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:14,360 The second letter of Army is R, and we take the second letter of ARP, which is R, 118 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,880 so that we're still level. 119 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:23,880 - Then we take the third letter which is er... - M, which comes before P. So we're first. 120 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:29,000 So there you are. If you want it in alphabetical order, WE are first. 121 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:34,280 We'll see about THAT! THEY WHISTLE "LAUREL AND HARDY" THEME 122 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,920 THEY JEER 123 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:46,800 - First round to us, I think! - I think so too, sir. - Right! 124 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:54,640 Number One Section will parade here at six tomorrow evening, to march to Sponge's farm to catch a ram. 125 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,520 - Dismiss the parade. - Dismiss! 126 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:05,520 # If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise... # 127 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,040 Ssh! Not a sound! 128 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:11,320 # If you go down in the woods today, you'd better go in disguise. # 129 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,360 Magnificent animal! 130 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,520 Down! 131 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:23,000 I don't think that ram's going to like the idea of being caught, sir. 132 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:29,600 Don't be a pessimist, Wilson. Frazer's an expert at field-craft. 133 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,920 I saw them do this in "The Last of the Mohicans". 134 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:36,160 Gary Cooper. 135 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,280 Right. Stand up and expose yourself. 136 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:54,720 We've got to make the ram think we're perfectly normal. 137 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,440 ­ That's going to be a bit difficult. 138 00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:03,480 He's got to accept us as part of the landscape. 139 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:07,600 Spread yourselves out, and slowly encircle him. 140 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:12,240 # There's lots of marvellous things to eat... # 141 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:16,760 - We won't interfere unless it's necessary. - No, sir. 142 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:21,920 - Why, sir, I do believe you like butter! - Don't be ridiculous. 143 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:28,760 # ..Picnic time for teddy-bears, 144 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:33,880 # The little teddy-bears are having a lovely time today. 145 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,720 # Watch them, catch them unawares... # 146 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,400 Oh dear. He looks awfully fierce. 147 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:47,920 # See them picnic on their holiday. See them gaily gad about, 148 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:54,480 # They love to sing and shout, they never have any cares. # 149 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,000 Right. Come on Wilson. 150 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,520 Pity. It was rather nice here. 151 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:05,440 # ..Because they're tired little teddy-bears. # 152 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:31,920 - Stop! - What is it? - Mr Mainwaring, permission to stop panicking, sir? 153 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,440 He's not chasing us any more. 154 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:39,440 - Where is he? - Down by the river. - Get after him! 155 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:42,960 - BREATHLESS: - You're all... out of condition. 156 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:46,640 Pike, keep it in sight, and we'll follow. 157 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,320 Gary Cooper! Whoooo! 158 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,240 Ba-a-a! > 159 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,560 Argh! > 160 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:18,520 It's no use. We won't find it this way. We'll have to spread out. 161 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,040 Help! > 162 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,560 - Help! > - Good Lord! 163 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:39,240 - Help, Uncle Arthur, help! - Just keep still. Whatever you do, keep still. 164 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,920 Stop struggling! 165 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,200 Stop struggling! 166 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,720 Hold on! Your uncle's coming. 167 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,840 Uncle! 168 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,480 Hold on a moment, Mr Mainwaring! 169 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,520 Help! Help! > 170 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,120 ­ What was that, Mr Mainwaring? 171 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,160 - Help! - Help! - > 172 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:08,920 - ­ There it goes again. Help! - Help! 173 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:14,960 - Sounds like an echo. - It's coming from over there! - Quick! Come on! 174 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,040 Help! 175 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:23,560 Hang on! Ah, thank goodness you've come, sir. 176 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:26,120 I'm sinking, Mr Mainwaring. 177 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:30,320 Pike's in the bog! Don't panic! Don't panic! 178 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,480 Be quiet, Corporal. All right, Pike! Hold on! 179 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:38,840 - What about me, sir? - You'll just have to wait. 180 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,360 Why are you always so selfish? 181 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:03,040 - We need something to pull him out with. - What about that notice-board? 182 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:10,080 - Get it. - You shouldn't take that. It might be important. - Nonsense. 183 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:14,880 What does it say? 184 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,440 Right! Grab hold of this! 185 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,960 I can't reach it, Mr Mainwaring! 186 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,040 We'll have to get something else. 187 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:41,560 - What about a rope, sir? - By the time we'd got a rope, it would be too late. - Oh, no! 188 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,160 - < - Excuse me, sir. - Wait your turn! 189 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:48,240 - I was going to suggest a way to help Frank. - What? 190 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,280 If you don't want to hear... Ouch! 191 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:56,960 This is no time to sulk. He's sinking! 192 00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:02,800 If you lay your jackets on top of the bog... Ouch...! 193 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:07,840 - One of you might be able to reach him. - Yes. Good thinking. 194 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,360 Take your coats off, you men. 195 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:32,240 - It's not enough. - I still say we ought to use the rope, sir! - Shut up, and take your trousers off. 196 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,760 All of you take your trousers off. 197 00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:43,160 D'you want this, sir? It's very absorbent. 198 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,040 Yes, yes, anything! 199 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:50,640 - Right. Get down there, Sponge. - Must I? 200 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:58,160 Do as you're told. If we hadn't been chasing your blasted ram, none of this would have happened! 201 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,680 Hold my right hand, Frazer. 202 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,280 Walker! Hang on to Frazer! 203 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,440 That's it! Right! Grab my hand! 204 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:19,920 PIKE: I saw this happening in a Tarzan film once. Blokes trying to get a man out of a swamp. 205 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,440 He got eaten by a crocodile! 206 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,880 Now hold my hand tightly! Heave! 207 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,040 Mr Mainwaring... 208 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:51,760 ..I'd like to thank you for saving my life. 209 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,800 Oh, nonsense! 210 00:18:55,600 --> 00:19:03,120 - Sir, could you spare a moment to get me free? - All right, Wilson, we'll be with you in a moment. 211 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:06,320 FRAZER: Where's Jones? 212 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,360 ­ I don't know. He was here before. 213 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:11,920 Mr Mainwaring, sir! Look! 214 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:18,720 - Get down and get him out. - Oh, Lord! 215 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:25,160 FRAZER: Let me try, Mr Mainwaring! My arms are nae as short as yours. 216 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:35,080 - Can you feel anything? - Nothing, Mr Mainwaring. Nothing at all. 217 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:38,800 Jones. 218 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,120 I don't believe it. 219 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:46,160 I... I simply can't believe it. 220 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,760 I've got the rope, sir. 221 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,600 Put it round your neck! 222 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,000 # Here comes the bogey-man, 223 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:08,360 # Don't let him come too close to you, he'll catch you if he can, 224 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:12,040 # Just pretend that you're a crocodile, 225 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,520 # And you will find that bogeyman will run another mile. # 226 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:19,000 Look at 'em! Look at 'em! 227 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:26,120 There's the warden. No doubt he'll have some clever comment to make. 228 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:29,640 Ignore him. Smartly, now! March to attention! 229 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,320 I'm going to enjoy this. 230 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,160 I'm going to enjoy this. 231 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,120 Are you all right, sir? 232 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:53,720 You don't look well. 233 00:20:53,720 --> 00:21:01,080 I've waited for this moment, but now it's come, I can't think of anything to say. 234 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,920 # Tomorrow's world belongs to you... # 235 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:10,480 FRAZER: There's no doubt about it, that is a magnificent animal. 236 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:15,000 WALKER: I said I'd get a mascot. There it is. 237 00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,720 It's not like the photograph. 238 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,240 We could always tidy it up a bit. 239 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:28,480 You told Mr Mainwaring it would be the same goat that was on the photograph. 240 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:31,680 We'll have to make it look like it. 241 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:35,360 How can we? The parade starts in 30 minutes! 242 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:41,880 Got it! Listen, Spike! Go and get the horns off the wall in the vicar's office. 243 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:46,920 My sister had her handbag eaten by a goat once. 244 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:54,240 - You're not carrying a handbag, are you, Mr... - No, but they eat other things. 245 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,720 Oh, ta. Just what I want. 246 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,720 Right, come here, son. 247 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:22,680 Hang on. We want a bit of fuse wire. Pikey, go and see if you can find some fuse wire. 248 00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,320 It's the warden! Hide the goat! 249 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,480 Where's Mr Mainwaring? 250 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,400 Hello, Verger! Joined up, have you? 251 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:44,040 I am skipper of the Sea Scouts. My band is leading the parade. 252 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:47,560 What are you doing with the vicar's horns? 253 00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:52,760 Ah! They fell off the wall, and I'm mending them. 254 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:59,520 The vicar's not going to like this. He got them horns when he was a missionary. 255 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,200 Was he climbing out of the pot? 256 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:08,120 Where's Captain Mainwaring? I wanted to tell him... What's that smell? 257 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,160 What smell? 258 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:14,920 - That horrible smell. - We can't smell anything. 259 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:18,440 I shall have to report this to the vicar. 260 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:25,960 Ah, Mr Mainwaring. I just wanted to tell you that my boys will be at the assembly point in half an hour. 261 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,480 Splendid, Verger. See you there. 262 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:33,000 - I must talk to the vicar about that smell. - Very good. 263 00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:42,760 Good morning, men. As soon as the rest of the platoon arrives, 264 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,560 we'll march to the station. Did you get the goat, Walker? 265 00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:52,160 - Er... Yes. Yes. - Good. Where is it, then? 266 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:56,000 Well, it's er... It's there, sort of er... 267 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,800 How dare you? 268 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:12,400 I thought it might work. 269 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,920 You told me you could get a goat! I paid £5! 270 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,920 And then you turn up with this THING! 271 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:25,680 Joe's really going to get a telling-off this time. 272 00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,240 You've ruined everything! 273 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:32,280 I'm sorry, sir. Hang on. Here's your fiver back. 274 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:40,000 - You know what this means? - Yes, sir. - No mascot! - It'll be a great relief, sir. 275 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:45,800 How you could ever believe that this moth-eaten, wretched... 276 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,200 Division, atten-shun! 277 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:11,120 Pull your sock up. 278 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,480 Atten-shun! 279 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,520 At ease! 280 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,360 As we wardens are leading the parade, 281 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:25,720 it's up to us to be as smart as the Home Guard. 282 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,160 Here he comes. Atten-shun! 283 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,680 Forward turn! At ease! 284 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,840 About turn! 285 00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,480 - Fall your boys in! - Aye-aye, sir! 286 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,840 - What are you playing at? - Clear off! 287 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:18,880 - The wardens are leading this parade! - The Home Guard are leading it! 288 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:25,320 - Where's your mascot? - Never mind. Take up your position. - We'll see about that! 289 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,400 Carry on! 290 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,640 Band, atten-shun! 291 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:42,840 Drummers ready! 292 00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:48,160 By the left, quick march! 293 00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:56,400 BAND PLAYS: "You're In The Army Now" 294 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:53,440 Come on, lads! We'll show 'em who's going to lead the parade! 295 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,320 Left! Right! 296 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:07,680 Left! Left! Left! Left! Left, right, left, right, left! 297 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:12,560 Left-right-left-right-left-right! Left-right-left! 298 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,120 FAST: LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT!