1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:07,560 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 2 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:12,080 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:17,440 # We are the boys who will stop your little game 4 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:22,400 # We are the boys who will make you think again 5 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:27,440 # 'Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 6 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:31,720 # If you think Old England's done? 7 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:36,520 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21 8 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:41,560 # But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun 9 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:46,600 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 10 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,640 # If you think Old England's done? # 11 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:59,440 - ­ - There we were, in the desert, no food, and worse, no water! 12 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:03,800 And Johnny Turk sniping at us all the time! 13 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:07,840 My tongue was so swollen it filled my mouth. 14 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:12,400 I would've sold my soul to the devil for a drink. 15 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:15,680 - Like another, sir? - Thank you, Sgt. 16 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:18,200 Same again, please. 17 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:23,240 We don't see you gentlemen from the Eastgate platoon here very often. 18 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:27,800 We're over to see about the big exercise on Sunday. 19 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,760 All the home guard units are taking part. 20 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:36,800 That's enough, Sgt. Careless talk... What, what, careless talk, eh? 21 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,360 Now, wh-wh-wh-where w-w-w-was I ? 22 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:48,080 - In the desert, dying of thirst. - Oh, yes! Thank you so much. Cheers. 23 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:52,080 Yes, my tongue was absolutely black. 24 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:57,120 Then I remembered the old trick of sucking a pebble. 25 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:02,160 Only trouble was, no pebbles in the desert, what! 26 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:05,200 Nothing but sand, don't you know? 27 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:11,800 Then pulled out my Gold Hunter - beautiful watch. Belonged to my father. 28 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:17,360 I popped that in my mouth and left it there for three days. 29 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,400 That watch saved my life. 30 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:25,440 - That's a remarkable story, sir. - But what's even more remarkable 31 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:30,480 is that, when I took that watch out, it was still going perfectly. 32 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:35,120 I'll prove it to you. I'll just set the alarm. 33 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,160 Now... 34 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:49,800 - I must say I could do with a glass of beer, sir. - Yes, I always enjoy my pint after the parade. 35 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:54,840 There's that terrible old bore, Capt Square. What's he doing here? 36 00:02:54,840 --> 00:03:02,680 - I suppose he's over from Eastgate about the scheme on Sunday. - Yes. - Good evening, Mr Mainwaring. 37 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,360 MUFFLED GREETING 38 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:13,240 What the devil's he doing with the watch? 39 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:18,800 Perhaps he's, er... Perhaps he's watching his drink. 40 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,080 Just a little play on words, sir. 41 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:28,440 Oh, really, Wilson! Your sense of humour gets more childish every day! 42 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:34,000 - BUZZ - Ah! And still going. What did I tell you, eh? 43 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:39,040 This calls for another drink. Sorry, Mainwaring, after you. 44 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:45,600 - Please, carry on. - Same again. Well, Mainwaring, looking forward to Sunday? 45 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:50,840 - Should be interesting. - You won't capture that mill with us inside. 46 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,400 How will you cross the open ground? 47 00:03:53,400 --> 00:04:01,080 - I daresay a way will be found. - Sorry to keep you waiting. Pints? - Yes, please. 48 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,280 Thanks very much, yes. 49 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:12,440 - Sorry, gents. No more beer. - Well, that's nice (!) 50 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:18,000 FEMALE SINGER: # When that man is dead and gone... # 51 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:26,240 This is, without doubt, the most difficult exercise that we have so far tackled. 52 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:33,200 Here is the windmill. Inside, Capt Square and the Eastgate platoon. 53 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:40,240 Wall here, river here, boathouse here, and here and here, bushes and trees. 54 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,200 Elsewhere, completely open ground. 55 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:48,240 Our job is to get across that open ground 56 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:53,680 and plant a high explosive inside that windmill. Any suggestions? 57 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:59,520 - Permission to speak, sir? - Yes. - What about a tunnel, sir? 58 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:07,560 - A tunnel? - Yes, sir. We could go behind that wall and dig a hole in a downwards direction, sir. 59 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:13,640 Dig down and down, then suddenly start digging sideways and sideways. 60 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:20,800 When we think we're under the mill, start digging upwards. God willing, we'll be in the mill. 61 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,360 Or else in Australia (!) 62 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:29,680 I think you're in the realms of fantasy again, Jones. 63 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:37,800 Realms of fantasy! He's playing with fire, you know. I control his meat. 64 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:44,440 I have an idea, sir. There was a play of Shakespeare's 65 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:51,000 and there was some sort of king who invited his troops to dress up as bushes 66 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:58,560 - so that they could move across the open ground in order to attack the castle. - Yes? Dressed as bushes? 67 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:02,120 - As bushes, yes. - A very good idea. - Yes. 68 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:09,120 - Will you be long, verger? - The state you leave the place in is a disgrace! 69 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,880 Well, you're getting on my nerves, 70 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:15,240 creeping about looking miserable. 71 00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:21,400 This is my normal expression! You can't be a verger with a funny face! 72 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,200 You seem to have managed all right! 73 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:29,800 Dirt! That's what they treat me like - dirt! 74 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:34,160 Sorry, gentlemen. Where were we up to? 75 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:40,720 Get one of us inside a dummy log, then we can float down the river to the mill. 76 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:48,720 - That's rather a good idea, Walker. But someone would have to push the log. - Someone in a diving-suit. 77 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:52,920 That's absurd! Who's got a diving-suit? 78 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:57,640 - I have! - You have? How did you come by that? 79 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:03,400 I was in the South Seas with my friend, Willie, diving for pearls. 80 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,960 One day, he was down below doing the job 81 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:13,000 and I was up on deck with the native boys, workin' the pumps. 82 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:18,560 Suddenly, I felt four pulls on his life-line. That means "haul me up!" 83 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,200 I looked down - the sea was so clear - 84 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:27,240 and there was Willie fightin' for his life with a giant squid. 85 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:32,800 I never hesitated. I dived down and down into the depths 86 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:37,840 and I plunged my knife between those two HIDEOUS eyes. 87 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:45,480 My lungs were bursting, a red mist before my eyes! The sea was black wi' the inky liquid from the squid! 88 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:50,520 I gave the signal and they quickly pulled Willie up. 89 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:56,360 They got him on deck, unscrewed his helmet, and then... 90 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:01,840 then I realised they'd pulled him up too quickly! He was dying 91 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:04,400 from the dreaded bends. 92 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,360 I cradled him in my arms 93 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:19,200 and he gazed up at me and said, "Jock, look after my poor old mother. 94 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:24,200 "See that she gets all my property." 95 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:29,240 Well, all he had was his diving-suit and it was no use to her, 96 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:31,800 so I gave her ten bob and kept it! 97 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:36,800 Every time after that, 98 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:41,360 whenever I went down in that diving-helmet, 99 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:46,440 I could hear poor Willie's voice crying... 100 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,480 "He-e-e-e-elp! 101 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:53,960 "He-e-e-E-E-E-e-e-elp!" 102 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:07,560 So, we take it you have a diving-suit, Fraser (!) 103 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,080 - Permission to speak, sir? - Yes. 104 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:19,640 - I'll borrow the vicar's imitation log what he uses in his pantomime. - He won't like that much. 105 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:26,240 Oh, I'm in charge of his meat, sir. He'd do anything for a bit of kidney! 106 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:32,960 Fine. We'll parade here tomorrow and discuss the plan in detail. That's all. 107 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:40,520 - Hello. Hello. - Hello, who's there? - It's me, Capt Square. The verger at Walmington-on-sea Parish Church. 108 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:48,080 - Ah, yes. Any news? - Yes, sir. I know how they'll get into the mill - the same way Shakepeare did it. 109 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:55,640 - Shakespeare? - They'll dress up as bushes, creep into the crops, and then across the open ground. 110 00:09:55,640 --> 00:10:02,680 - That old trick! Mainwaring must be slipping! Thanks for your help. - Pleasure, sir. 111 00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:09,240 I'd do anything for you, sir. You're a gentleman. This lot treat me like dirt! 112 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:14,200 # Life is a melody never heard before... # 113 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:22,720 - Right, Fraser? - Fine, thanks, sir. - Right, we'll just run through the plan in detail again. 114 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:30,280 We are in the boathouse here and Fraser will push the log out into the open river. 115 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:37,880 Remaining underwater, he'll push the log along the river till he reaches the windmill. What then? 116 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:42,720 - When I reach the windmill, I give one tug on my life-line. - Right. 117 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:48,280 When Fraser does that, I shall give one warble on my bird-warbler. 118 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:53,560 - And what do you do then, Wilson? - When you've done your warble, 119 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:58,920 - I shall start to create the first diversion. - Right. Walker? 120 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:04,400 When Sgt Wilson starts the first diversion, I'll help him with it. 121 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:12,440 - That's right. And then, Fraser? - While the diversion is attracting the attention of the defenders, 122 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:17,840 I quickly tilt Jones, in the log, onto the bank. 123 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:24,000 - Excellent. Jones...? Where's Jones? - He's dressing up as a log. 124 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,720 Hurry up! Shouldn't take all this time! 125 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:34,400 And here we have Betty...in a natty little one-piece woodland ensemble. 126 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:38,440 # A beautiful girl is like a melody... # 127 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,480 Walker! 128 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:47,240 All right, stand easy, Corporal. 129 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:57,000 - Ahem... What do you think, Wilson? - I don't know what to think, sir. I really don't. 130 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:02,040 - Well, we'll just have to go through with it and hope for the best. - Yes. 131 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:07,080 - Jones... Where are you, Jones? - I'm here, sir. - Ah, Jones. 132 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:12,120 - We've got to the bit where you've been tipped on the bank. - Yes, sir. 133 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,680 - What do you do then? - Well, sir... 134 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:19,720 While Sgt Wilson's been diverting, I make my way to the windmill. 135 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:27,280 That's right. When Jones reaches the windmill, I shall give two warbles on bird-warbler. What then? 136 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:32,400 - Then I start the second diversion. - And I help him. 137 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,440 - That's right. Now, Jones. - Yes, sir? 138 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:40,480 This second diversion should give you time to get to the mill. 139 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:48,520 Make sure the people inside can't see you, then divest yourself of the log and climb up the ladder. 140 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:53,560 Then throw the bomb in through the window he...here! 141 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:56,560 How will you carry the bomb? 142 00:12:56,560 --> 00:13:00,440 - Between my legs, sir. - What? 143 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:05,480 I'll tie string round my waist, and that will dangle between my knees. 144 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:12,720 At a given point, of my own choosing, I'll untie the string and the bomb will drop to the floor. 145 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:20,760 - I see. - Sir. - Give him the time-bomb. - Right, sir. Here we are, Jonesie. Try and keep still for a moment. 146 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:25,200 Sir, I can't see where to put the... 147 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:30,360 - That was rather neat, wasn't it? - All right, tie it on, Jones. 148 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,920 Right, sir. 149 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,480 - Quickly as you can. - Right, sir. 150 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:45,400 - Do hurry. - I've only got two pairs of legs, sir! - Give him a hand, Walker. 151 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,920 Right. Open up, Jonesie! 152 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:52,520 I'm tying a knot, so put your finger on it. 153 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,920 Not there! 154 00:13:55,920 --> 00:14:01,040 Oh, come on, get on with it. See if you can release the bomb. 155 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,600 - Off you go! - Right, sir. 156 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,160 - Release the bomb! - Right, sir. 157 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:12,080 - CLUCKS - All right, Corporal! That's enough. 158 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:19,640 - Stop jumping about now, Jones. That seemed to work, Wilson. - Yes. Shall I put the bomb back in? - No! 159 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:25,200 Let's just assume that it's inside. Stand by. We'll run through it all. 160 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:29,600 From the beginning... Where have you gone? 161 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:35,160 - I'm down here, sir. - We're going from the beginning. - Very good, sir. 162 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:43,200 - You all right, Fraser? - Aye, sir. - Put him on the raft. - Don't forget - keep up a nice steady pressure. 163 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:49,840 Don't worry, we'll keep pumping. If I give four pulls, I want to come up. 164 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:56,480 If you give four pulls, you want me to come up. Two different signals, 165 00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:01,040 - four and four. - Clever boy. Put the glass in! 166 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:05,960 Start pumping! Godfrey, Wilson, take up your diversion positions. 167 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:11,000 - Yes, sir. - Right, get Fraser into the water. 168 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:18,640 Right, now. You're going into the water. 169 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:25,720 - Now Fraser takes the log out from the boathouse into the open river. - Gurgle-gurgle. 170 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:32,720 - All right, Corporal? - That's just the water gurgling against the sides, sir. 171 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:37,760 - I see. - Gurgle-gurgle! - I shall be looking through my periscope here. 172 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:41,040 Fraser's submerged, pushing the log. 173 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:46,080 - He has now reached the point opposite the windmill. - Gurgle! 174 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:49,120 WARBLE 175 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:56,800 - That's the signal for the diversion. Wilson! - Yes! - I've warbled! Are you diverting? 176 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:01,720 - We're doing it behind the wall. - I can't see you. 177 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:04,480 Of course. We're behind the wall! 178 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:08,040 - All right, start again! - Gurgle-gurgle! 179 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,080 Fraser! Fraser! 180 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:18,440 - FRASER ! - He can't hear you, Mr Mainwaring. - Well, give four pulls on his life-line. - Thank you. 181 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,480 One, two, three, four. 182 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,920 Get him up, get him up! 183 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:43,160 - He don't half look a funny colour, Mr Mainwaring. - What? Perhaps he hasn't got enough air. More air! 184 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,760 We're pumping as hard as we can! 185 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:49,360 - Mr Mainwaring? - Yes. 186 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:54,920 - You're on the pipe, you stupid boy! - Should we take off his helmet? 187 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:59,760 He'll get the bends in his head! No-one would tell the difference! 188 00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:04,800 - Are you all right, Fraser? All right? - He still can't hear you! 189 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:09,480 Right, he's all right! Come on! 190 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,960 - All right, Corporal? - Okay, sir! - Right. 191 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:18,000 Once more. Positions, everybody! This time we'll get it right. 192 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,520 What are you doing, you stupid boy? 193 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,600 Take up your positions. Ready? 194 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:30,600 Off we go... What do you want, warden? 195 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:37,040 - What's going on? - That's no concern of yours. It's vital to the war effort. 196 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:44,560 - A bloke dressed up in a diving-suit pushing another bloke dressed as a log! Vital to the war effort? - Yes. 197 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:51,120 If I hadn't seen it, I'd never have believed it! Gurgle-gurgle! > 198 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:57,280 - What's that? - That's the water gurgling past. 199 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:02,120 Don't go away. Gerald's got to see this! 200 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,680 Gurgle-gurgle! > 201 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,320 Right, let's start again. 202 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:11,200 Here you are, Gerald. What did I tell you? 203 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:16,240 A bloke in a diving-suit, pushing another bloke dressed as a log! 204 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:22,480 Now call me a liar! Okay, here's your five bob. Are they on our side? 205 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,040 Get out! 206 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:33,840 - Any sign of Mainwaring's lot, Sgt? - No, sir, nothing. 207 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:41,400 - It's only a quarter to. They start at 2 o'clock. - I make it a quarter past, sir. - What? 208 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,960 This damn thing must've stopped! 209 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:50,000 You know, sir, I don't see how that lot will get across that open ground. 210 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:57,040 Watch out for a lot of bushes. Part of their master plan, according to the verger. 211 00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:02,080 - Do you think he's reliable, sir? - Of course. He's my fifth column. 212 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:07,400 I've got him posted in a graveyard on a hill. I'll see if he's okay. 213 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:12,280 SNIPPING OF SHEARS 214 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:24,680 RING 215 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,240 Verger here. 216 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:32,280 - Not yet, Capt Square. - Let me know as soon as anything moves. - Sir. 217 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:41,600 - Right, a quick check before we go. Er, Jones? - Sir. 218 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:47,160 - Got the bomb between your legs? - Yes, quite comfy, thanks, sir. 219 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:51,200 Right. Put the glass in. That's it. 220 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,760 Right, start the pumps. 221 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:06,000 - Mr Mainwaring? - Yes. - Mr Fraser's just given four pulls on his life-line. That means he wants to come up. 222 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:09,040 He's already up, you silly boy! 223 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,720 Er...stop pumping! 224 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,920 Yes, sir. 225 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:21,600 - What's the matter, Fraser? - I just want to scratch my nose. 226 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:24,160 Right, go on, hurry up! 227 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:28,680 - Is that enough? - That's it. - Good. 228 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,400 Right, start the pumps! 229 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:39,920 - Right. Ready, Jones? - Yes, sir. - Good luck. - Good luck, sir. 230 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:46,720 - Right, lower him down onto the raft. - Gurgle-gurgle! Gurgle-gurgle! 231 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,320 It won't go through, Mr Mainwaring. 232 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:05,640 Ohh, give it to me, you stupid boy! There you are. 233 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:32,480 Right...they've got to a place now level with the windmill. 234 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:40,040 - Take over the periscope, Pike. - Sir. - I'm going to sound the signal. Got it? - Yes, sir. - Right. 235 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,600 What are you doing? 236 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:51,000 WARBLE 237 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,560 I think they've started, sir. 238 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,120 Look. Over by that wall. 239 00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:00,120 What the devil are they doing? 240 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:03,080 Left, right, left, right... 241 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:07,880 Why are they drilling? They ought to be attacking us! 242 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:12,560 - It's typical of Mainwaring's blimp mentality. - Could be a trick, sir. 243 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:17,160 No, I can count 15 rifles! It's the whole platoon. 244 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:43,680 I can't get the door open! It's stuck! KNOCKING 245 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:48,720 I can't see! I can't see! I can't get the door open! 246 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:05,000 - Mr Mainwaring, Mr Jones has fallen in the water. - What? 247 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,040 JONESIE GROANS 248 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:18,160 Left, right, left, right... About turn! 249 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:26,560 Why are they marching backwards!? Damn fishy! Better ring the verger. 250 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:31,280 Left, right, left, right... About turn! 251 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:38,760 Left...left... Lovely, isn't it? Left, right, left. 252 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,520 Left... About turn! 253 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:55,600 RING 254 00:23:55,600 --> 00:24:03,160 - Verger here. - What's going on behind that wall, verger? - They've got a lot of rifles tied to poles! 255 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,200 Have you been drinking? 256 00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:18,040 WARBLE-WARBLE Oh, dear! There's the signal for the second diversion! Where's Joe? 257 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:23,080 Charlie, haven't you started yet? I was waiting for you! 258 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:27,640 I was helping Mr Wilson with his diversion! 259 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:34,160 We put these tin hats on the sheep, then we take 'em up to the mill. Why? 260 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:39,200 Because they won't know whether it's us dressed up as sheep or not! 261 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:44,720 While they're figuring it out, Jonesie will be in the mill. 262 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:53,920 WOOFWOOF ! 263 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:59,080 Oi! Clear off! Go on! 264 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,120 Clear off! I'll... 265 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:14,160 Clear off! Clear off... 266 00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:18,960 Oh, no! All right, you win! 267 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:44,200 - Yes? - Capt Square, sir, they're moving towards you dressed up as sheep with tin hats on! 268 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,760 Get off the line! 269 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:51,560 - Mr Jones has reached the mill. - Right! 270 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:56,680 We'll go to the rendezvous, then move in for the kill. 271 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:02,680 Have you caught a dose of the dreaded bends? No! 272 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,880 Ah, there you are. Oh, hello, sir. 273 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:15,360 What are you doing? Er...bird-watching, Reverend. 274 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:17,920 I'd no idea you were keen on that! 275 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:23,360 RING 276 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:28,400 Hello. Vicar, Walmington-on-sea Parish Church... Just a moment. 277 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,960 It's for you, verger. 278 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,480 Beautiful day, don't you think? 279 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:57,360 DING-A-LING 280 00:26:57,360 --> 00:27:05,480 - DING-A-LING Listen. Sounds like an alarm clock. - Ah, it must be my Gold Hunter! 281 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:13,520 - Yes, it's started again! - I thought it came from the back, sir. - By Jove! I say, look over here! 282 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:20,560 By Jove, the verger WAS right! They ARE dressed up as sheep with tin hats on! 283 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:25,600 - How the devil did they manage it? - Perhaps they're using midgets, sir. 284 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,280 WE'VE WON ! 285 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:33,040 He's done it, sir! Hooray... ARGH ! 286 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:38,800 Look, he's climbed on a sail! What did he do that for? 287 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:42,240 Come on, let's go and accept their surrender! 288 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,640 Help! Help, Mr Mainwaring. 289 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:51,680 - Help, Mr Mainwaring! - Hold on, Jones. We'll have you down in a minute. 290 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:56,720 - I'm just going to accept their surrender. - YES ? 291 00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:01,760 - I've come to accept your surrender. - What? We threw the bomb back! 292 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:06,400 - Don't split hairs. We won! - We won! - WE won! - WE won! 293 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,440 Blimey, the sails are moving! 294 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,800 Whoa! Who-o-oa! 295 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:21,840 - I refuse to surrender! - Excuse me, sir. The sails are moving. - What? 296 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:27,320 - What are you going to do? - I'll stick something in the machinery. 297 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:30,880 I'll be all right. Yes. Don't panic! 298 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:34,200 It didn't work. 299 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,760 I'm all right! Don't panic! 300 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:44,000 Subtitles by Judith Simpson BBC Scotland 1992