1 00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:07,520 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 2 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:10,920 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:17,320 # We are the boys who will stop your little game 4 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:22,080 # We are the boys who will make you think again 5 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:27,040 # 'Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 6 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,640 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:36,680 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21 8 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:41,600 # But he comes home each evening And he's ready with his gun 9 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:46,400 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 10 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:51,000 # If you think old England's done? # 11 00:00:56,600 --> 00:01:01,000 - What are you having, Wilson? - Toad-in-the-hole, sir. 12 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:08,080 - I think I'll have fish and potato pie. - Mm. - We'll get in the queue before the rush. 13 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:18,440 - Soup? - Er, no, thank you. Could I have toad-in-the-hole, please? 14 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:24,520 - Comin' up. - Thank you. - ..One toad. - Thank you. - Ta. 15 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,640 Could I have just a bit more toad? 16 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:32,760 Only half a toad per person. There IS a war on! ..Next! 17 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:36,400 Fish pie, please. 18 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:41,680 - What sort of fish is it? - Snook. - I beg your pardon? - Snook. 19 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:49,800 - Could I have the toad-in-the-hole instead, please? - I wish you'd make up your mind! 20 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,400 - Veg? - Yes, please. 21 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:59,520 Next? Fish pie, please. What fish is it? Snook. 22 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,720 I'll have the toad-in-the-hole. 23 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:10,920 Cor blimey, another one! Listen, the fish pie's snook. Got it? Snook! ..Next! 24 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,680 - Bread puddin'? - Please. - With? - Please. 25 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:25,080 - Hey, I saw that! - I beg your pardon? - Don't come all lah-di-dah! Put one of those slices back! 26 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:30,000 - Don't forget there's a war on! - I'm hardly likely to. 27 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:37,880 - And take your dirties back to the hatch. - I always do. - No, you don't. You left 'em yesterday. 28 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:40,920 I'm not clearin' up your dirties! 29 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:46,280 - Look here...! - Wilson, you're making an exhibition of yourself. 30 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:50,120 - Bread puddin'? - Just custard, please. 31 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:54,560 Have to watch my figure, you know. 32 00:02:54,560 --> 00:03:00,400 You've got a nice figure. Betty and I think you look like a teddy-bear. 33 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:04,680 Oh, yes, a great big cuddly teddy-bear! 34 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,720 Do you really think so? 35 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:15,240 You got mine, Doreen? Yes. Get Mr Walker's steak, Betty. 36 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,840 Comin' up. ..Mr Walker's steak! 37 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,800 Here you are. 38 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:30,640 - Ta. - What are you doing with that, Walker? - I'm gonna eat it. 39 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:35,480 That's two weeks' meat ration! I've got toad-in-the-hole. 40 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:39,600 You wanna watch that. It can be very nasty. 41 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:45,720 - Where's it from? - I brought it in. They cooked it. ..Here's the elastic. 42 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,480 Ohh! 43 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:52,520 Don't want 'em fallin' down on the job, do we?! 44 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,840 Just take for the tea, love. 45 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:02,520 Flaunting your black market food could get the platoon a bad name. 46 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:08,360 Mr Mainwaring, I'm not in uniform and I'm not on parade. 47 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:16,640 What's more, I've a deposit account at your bank with over £1,500 in it, so let me have me dinner, eh? 48 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,120 Mine's 1/2d. 49 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:33,400 - To be exact, he's got £1,542. - Go and find another table, Pike. 50 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:40,200 Can't have the rank and file eating with us. 51 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:48,680 Want some pickle, Pikey? Yes, please, Joe. Do you want some, Mr Mainwaring? 52 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:53,320 - Not with toad-in-the-hole. - It's free. 53 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,400 - Hello, Pikey...Joe. - Hello. - Hello, Mr Mainwaring. 54 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:12,440 - I've come to say goodbye. - Don't tell me you got your calling-up papers, Jonesy! 55 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:16,120 Give those Boers hell for me, eh?! 56 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:21,160 If you don't come back, can I 'ave that ten bob you borrowed? 57 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:27,040 - No need to be funny. If you want it, you can 'ave it. - I was only jokin'. 58 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:34,080 - Sit down, Jones. Everyone is staring. - I wear this uniform with pride. 59 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:40,080 Those mothballs went in our dinner. Ssh! Everyone'll want one! 60 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:45,640 - Do sit down, Jones, you're showing us up. - All right, sir. 61 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,960 Where exactly are you going? 62 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:58,280 - To the 42nd annual reunion of the veterans of Omdurman. - Really? 63 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:06,080 Yes, I should have been mentioned in dispatches, but I think they run out of paper. 64 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:13,080 - That was the last cavalry charge made by the British Army. I'll show you. - No, no. 65 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:20,720 - Not just now, Jones. - Hang on! - I'm only borrowing 'em! ..There were these two huge rocks. 66 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:24,320 Huge rocks, you see, like that. 67 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:29,920 And General Kitchener was over here and the mad Mahadi was over here. 68 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:34,840 All of a sudden there was a bugle call. Toot-toot-toot! 69 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:43,480 And all these dervishes and all that lot come rushin' towards us, and fuzzie-wuzzies. 70 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:49,520 General Kitchener was standing on his horse, or rather sittin' on it. 71 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:56,240 Cool as a cucumber, he said, "Don't shoot till you see the red of their eyes." 72 00:06:56,240 --> 00:07:03,280 - I think he said "whites of their eyes". - Yeah, but he should've said red, 73 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,280 'cos their eyes were bloodshot. 74 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:14,920 You get a lot of bloodshot eyeballs in the desert. Not lyin' around in the sand. In their heads, y'know. 75 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:23,120 - Have you finished with my pickle? - Not yet. So they charged at us remorsefully, you see, 76 00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:30,800 and we repulsed them and then they come at us with choppers, choppin' off heads left, right and centre. 77 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:35,120 And there was blood EVERYWHERE. 78 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:39,960 And the corpses were piled eight foot high. 79 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:45,000 Well, Mr Mainwaring, I'll leave you to enjoy your dinner. Cheerio. 80 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:54,120 - If you don't mind my saying so, sir, I seem to have lost my appetite. - Yes, so have I. 81 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:58,240 - But we can't waste food in wartime, can we? - No. 82 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:06,160 - Mr Walker, mind if I have some of your pickle? - No, no. You help yourself. 83 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:11,120 - It might help to make it a little more palatable. - Yes, quite. 84 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:27,720 Are you all right, sir? 85 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:31,160 What's happened, Walker? 86 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,760 - Is it this? - Hang on. 87 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:40,480 - Cor! Mr Mainwaring's just eaten one of Jonesy's mothballs. - What?! 88 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:44,240 Oh, for heaven's sake! ..Excuse me. 89 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:51,840 - Hey, what about your dirties? - My what? - Take 'em back to the hatch. - Just clear away, will you, please? 90 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,000 Capt Mainwaring, it's downstairs! 91 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,600 Capitalist lackey! 92 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:01,920 # Where are the boys of the old brigade...? # 93 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:10,680 - Excuse me, sir, Private Frazer is outside waiting to introduce his new recruit. - Bring them in. - Right. 94 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:15,040 All right, Frazer, you can bring your friend in now. 95 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:25,040 - Sir, I'd like tae introduce Mr George Clarke. He wants to join us, sir. - Good evening, Mr Clarke. 96 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:28,040 Good evening, sir! 97 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:34,240 - I'd hazard a guess you've served in the Army before. - Correct, sir. 98 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:41,320 - You know Mr Clarke well? - Aye, sir. - And you'd say he is a man of integrity? 99 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:47,200 And very generous. He stood me several drinks last Thursday night. 100 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:51,840 - When did you first meet him? - Last Thursday night. 101 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:56,200 Well, tell us about yourself, Mr Clarke. 102 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,800 Well, sir... 103 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:09,280 I've been a regular soldier all me life. I retired 10 year ago and I've only been in Walmington a few weeks. 104 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:14,320 - When did you join the Army? - 44 year ago, sir. 1897. 105 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:18,880 I served under Gen Kitchener at the Battle of Omdurman. 106 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:25,920 - What a coincidence! - Yes. ..I don't suppose you came across a L/Cpl Jones? 107 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:33,400 - Thousands of men took part in the battle, sir. - Yes, I was only joking. 108 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:37,680 - I was in the Warwickshires. - So was Jones. - Yes. 109 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:43,080 It was a long time ago, but I DO remember one Jones. 110 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:50,200 He was always a bit behind with his drill. But he wasn't that rank. That's him! 111 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:54,720 He wasnae a lance-corporal? No, just an ordinary private. 112 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:59,320 Did you hear that, Mr Mainwaring? The man's an imposter! 113 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:03,600 - Yes, all right, Frazer. - I knew it! - All right! 114 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:08,640 We'll have to wait till tomorrow to see if it's the same man. 115 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:13,680 Come in early tomorrow so we can fit you out with a uniform. 116 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:18,240 I'll swear you in now. Hand me the Bible, Wilson. 117 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:24,480 - What Bible? - The Bible to swear him in with. - I haven't got a Bible. 118 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:31,960 - I asked you to bring a Bible along. - No, the word "Bible" never passed your lips. 119 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:36,000 How can I swear him in without the Bible? 120 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:40,040 # Ready and strong, marching along... # 121 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:45,080 - Hurry up, Godfrey. - I shan't be a minute, sir. 122 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:51,480 Unless you wear braces, not a belt, you are NOT dressed right. 123 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:55,600 If I wear braces, I won't be ABLE to dress right! 124 00:11:55,600 --> 00:12:04,080 - Can't you find a better blouse? - It's the best I can do. The customer IS rather an awkward size. 125 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:09,680 You'll have to alter it. ..Must have you smartly turned out, Clarke. 126 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:16,240 - When do I start training? - You'll just have to pick it up as you go. 127 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:21,320 I tell ye, this fella Clarke said he knew Jones in the Sudan. 128 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:25,880 How would he remember after all these years? 129 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:31,720 This Jones was allus a beat behind when they were drilling. 130 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,720 It still doesn't prove anything. 131 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:43,040 - How did the reunion of the Battle of Om-de-bum-bum go? - Omdurman! 132 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:48,440 - I bet you were all reliving that fighting. - We had a nice time. 133 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:54,200 - You were drunk, were ye? - No, I just had a convivial evening, that's all. 134 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:58,400 - Mr Mainwaring wants to see ye. - Oh, right. 135 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:06,320 - Hold on. ..Come on, boys, we don't want to miss this! - Come in! 136 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:12,040 - Lance-Corporal Jones to see you, sir. - All right, Frazer. 137 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:15,080 - Evening, sir. - Evening, Corporal. 138 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:18,920 I want you to meet Private Clarke. 139 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:26,280 - How d'you do? - Hello, Jonesy. You remember me? - No, I don't think I do. 140 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:30,440 'Course you do! 14789, Private Clarke. 141 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:38,480 - Oh, hello, Nobby! - Hello, mate. Long time no see, eh? - Yes, a long time. 142 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:46,000 - You remember me now, don't you? - Yes, I remember you now. - And I remember you...mate. 143 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:50,280 I remember you very, VERY well. 144 00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:59,520 - Well, I'll go and fall the men in, sir. - It'll give me a chance to introduce Clarke to the platoon. 145 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:03,440 This way, Clarke. 146 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,120 (Shut the door!) 147 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:11,200 Did you see that?! See what? 148 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:18,240 I've a kind of a notion that these two, Clarke and Jones, dinnae like each other very much. 149 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:26,360 You aren't half a mixer. Maybe, but there's something that Jones doesnae want us to know. 150 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,280 I can't believe that, Mr Frazer. 151 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:36,080 Can't ye? I can. There's no smoke without fire. No smoke without fire. 152 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:40,120 # Where are the boys of the old brigade...? # 153 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:47,160 Well, you see, after parade, I took this fellow, Clarke, along for a drink. 154 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:52,200 And when he had stood me a couple of pints, I came out with it directly. 155 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:56,840 I said, "Tell me, what did happen between you and Jones?" 156 00:14:56,840 --> 00:15:04,160 He was very evasive about the whole affair, but from what I could gather, reading between the lines, 157 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:13,360 it seems that the two of them were out on patrol, and somehow they got captured. 158 00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:18,240 Well...Jones managed to escape, 159 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:24,920 and he left this fella, Clarke, in the desert to DIE. Aye! 160 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:29,480 Mind you, there may not be any truth in it, 161 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:36,160 but what I always say is... there's no smoke without fire. 162 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:40,360 No smoke without fire. 163 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:44,400 Look at that lovely moon, Joe. Yeah. 164 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:51,600 Oh, yes, it's very nice. What's up with you tonight? 165 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:58,480 I've a lot on me mind. You've usually only got one thing on your mind! 166 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:06,760 Come on, give us a kiss! Wait a minute, love. Don't you love me any more? 167 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:14,840 'Course I do. I'm mad about you. It's just I asked Jonesy if he had left this bloke in the desert, 168 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:19,200 but he wouldn't say anything, not even to deny it. 169 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:23,280 Look, are you gonna give me a kiss or not? 170 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:27,520 Oh, well, I suppose so. I'm sittin' here, ain't I ? 171 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,520 - Are you asleep, Elizabeth? - Mm-mm-mm. 172 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:41,560 I can't help thinking it would be better to sleep inside the house when there isn't a raid on. 173 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,440 - This shelter's very damp. - Mm-mm-mm. 174 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:58,120 It's no good. I...I can't sleep. I'm going to have a read. 175 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:15,520 - I'm sure you'd be much more comfortable if - I - were on the top bunk. - Mm-mm-mm. 176 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:19,560 - Post, Mr Jones. - Oh, thank you, Raymond. 177 00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,160 Ta. 178 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:38,640 "Why did you leave your friend in the desert to die?" 179 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:55,160 "There's no room in Walmington-on-Sea for a coward." 180 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:17,120 "A coward like you is not even worth a whole white feather. So I'm sending you half a one." 181 00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:20,760 - Raymond! - Yes, Mr Jones? - Come here. 182 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:26,080 - There's something I've got to do. - What's that, Mr Jones? 183 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:31,040 Something I should've done a long time ago, boy. 184 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,680 It's the only way. 185 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,280 It's the only way. 186 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:42,000 I mean to get to the bottom of this. 187 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:47,240 Clarke, what exactly did happen between you two in the desert? 188 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:53,200 We was captured by the dervishes. They pegged me out in the sand. 189 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:57,240 Jones begged for mercy and they took him with 'em. 190 00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:02,280 Somehow he managed to escape, but he didn't come back for me. 191 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:07,360 I can just remember this native going through me pockets. 192 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:14,400 When I come to, I was in hospital. That native must have saved my life. 193 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:21,000 - Jones wouldn't have left you to die. - Then why has he cleared off? 194 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,600 - I'll tell you why. - Jones! 195 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:29,560 First, I'd like to thank you for having faith in me, sir. 196 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:37,000 Up till now my lips have been sealed, but now I can reveal myself and tell you what really happened. 197 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,080 It was just before the big battle. 198 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:55,840 'Private Clarke and I were part of a patrol sent out to find out the strength of the Mahadi's army. 199 00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:02,960 'We were headed by Col Smythe, a tall, resolute man, who scarcely spoke a word. 200 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:09,640 'The other officer was a young, raw 2nd lieutenant, the colonel's nephew. 201 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:15,520 'There was also a young Cockney, Private Green, always telling jokes. 202 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:22,200 'The sergeant was Sgt Ironside, a nasty, coarse fellow with a rough tongue. 203 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,680 'I knew that patrol was doomed from the start. 204 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:33,120 'Vultures wheeled overhead. Then as we rounded a corner, 205 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:41,720 'there was an old fakir blocking our path. "Turn back!" he said. "It is written in the sand 206 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:48,440 '"that by nightfall all of you will be dead. "Rubbish!" said the colonel. 207 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:53,080 '"Do not go against the will of Allah!" the fakir said. 208 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:59,560 'None of us took much notice of him as we all marched past. 209 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:05,160 'However, the sergeant gave him a mouthful of coarse abuse. 210 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:12,200 'This seemed to upset the old fakir, who said something to him in Arabic. 211 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:19,800 'Later I learned it was a curse upon us all. And soon it came true. 212 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:27,320 'As the midday sun scorched down, a fusillade of shots rang out.' 213 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:31,000 Take cover! Take cover! 214 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:35,000 Take cover! Take *??**! cover! 215 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,800 Take cover! ..OHH ! 216 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:46,400 'I rushed over to the lieutenant and cradled him in my arms. 217 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:54,480 'To think of this young boy dying out here in the foreign, burning desert. It was too much to bear.' 218 00:21:54,480 --> 00:22:00,760 Thank you, Jones. You're a good chap. Dashed hard luck, this. 219 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:07,240 - I want you to promise me something. - What's that, sir? 220 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:15,320 - When you get back to England, I want you to go and see my mater. - Yes, sir. 221 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:19,840 - Tell her I couldn't help it. - Couldn't help what, sir? 222 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,440 Falling off my horse. 223 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,600 Keep your *??**! heads down! 224 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,720 - Uncle Arthur... - Yes, Franklin? 225 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:55,440 - In case we don't survive this, there's something I must ask. - What? 226 00:22:55,440 --> 00:23:01,720 - About you and Mater. - I'd rather you didn't ask. - All right. - That's it. 227 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:09,000 GREEN: Sarge, there's thousands of 'em! 228 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,960 Shut up and keep your *??**! head down! 229 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:30,520 I don't like the look of this, Colonel. Those *??**! dervishes mean *??**! business. 230 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:35,320 Yes, as soon as it's dark, we'd better send for help. 231 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:40,120 - Permission to speak, sir. - What is it, Jones? 232 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:48,160 - I'd like to volunteer to fetch help. - All right, you do that and take Private Clarke with you. - Right, sir. 233 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:57,800 'We managed to creep out during the night and head off for help. Little did we realise 234 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:01,920 'that nasty savage eyes was watching our every move. 235 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:11,080 'The sun was beating down on us. We realised our water-bottles was empty. ..Suddenly we looked up, 236 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:20,000 'There was two horrible dervishes looking down at us. We was trapped. Caught by the dervishes. 237 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,560 'I faced them like a man, 238 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:29,960 'but Private Clarke flung himself down and begged for mercy. 239 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,160 'I had to look away. 240 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:39,360 'Those dervishes pegged Clarke out in the sand and left him to die. 241 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:43,400 'They dragged me behind them for miles. 242 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:49,640 'What fate was in store for me I had no means of knowing. 243 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:57,920 'We stopped and they cooked a meal. A quarrel broke out and next minute they were at each other's throats. 244 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,960 'They fought like demons. 245 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:05,840 'This was my chance. They weren't taking any notice of me. 246 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:10,280 'I worked my way over to the fire. 247 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:15,640 'I burned through the ropes. It was agony, but I managed to stick it. 248 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:27,720 'Suddenly one of the dervishes broke away. 249 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:32,760 'The other dervish shouted something after him. 250 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:37,000 'Then I remembered dervishes can't stand fire. 251 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:41,320 'I quickly seized a burning brand from the fire. 252 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:49,080 'I thrust it in front of his face. He turned from a proud warrior into a gibbering idiot. 253 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,920 'His nostrils distended with fear. 254 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:58,080 'He shouted, "Om kar yar, kar kar kar! Om kar yar kar kar kar!" 255 00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:03,080 'which translated means, "Put that light out!" 256 00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:09,600 'I made him take his robes off. I had him at my mercy. 257 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:16,160 'I put them on over my uniform and hurried back to Private Clarke. 258 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,200 'I thought Clarke was a goner. 259 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:24,720 'I got his wallet to send home with his personal effects. I opened it. 260 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:31,160 'Inside I saw a thing that in spite of the heat made my blood run cold. 261 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:39,040 'It was a picture of the colonel's lady. The colonel's wife was not so upstanding as he was. 262 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:45,840 'To think she and Private Clarke had been...! I couldn't believe it. 263 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:51,760 'As I was kneeling there, I heard a groan. Clarke wasn't dead at all. 264 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:57,000 'I got him on the horse and after a nightmare journey through the sand, 265 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:01,720 'we came across the relief column.' 266 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:07,080 SILENT SHOUT 267 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:13,000 Private Clarke was taken back to HQ and I never saw him again till now. 268 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:19,200 I tell you, sir, I kept that secret locked in my bosoms... 269 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:27,880 ..all those years, the secret that nobody knew except Private Clarke, the colonel's lady and meself. 270 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:32,880 - Why didn't you tell us this before? - I couldn't, sir. 271 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:38,280 Not while there was a chance the colonel was still alive. 272 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:43,200 That's where I've been, at Somerset House looking through the records. 273 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:50,160 And I'm happy to say the colonel and his lady are now up in that great parade ground in the sky 274 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:55,360 where the breath of scandal cannot touch them, sir. 275 00:27:55,360 --> 00:28:00,560 - And now I've got a chance to burn these letters. - I'm sorry, Jones. 276 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:04,600 Right, now I'll deal with Clarke. 277 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:12,240 - He went outside a few minutes ago, sir. - Why didn't you stop him? - Well... - Come on, after him! 278 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:22,680 - YOU'RE in a hurry! - Did you see a man leave here? - He was rushing for a train, but he gave me a message. 279 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:27,600 - He's sorry, but he's had to resign. - He can't do that! 280 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:35,200 - Desertion's a serious crime. - It is. - Are you gonna put him against a wall and fire water-pistols at him?! 281 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,800 Just clear off, will you? 282 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:42,840 - Pike, jump on your bike and see if you can catch him. - Let him go, sir. 283 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:47,880 My mum said never trust anyone with their eyes too close together. 284 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:52,640 "The moving finger writes and having writ moves on." 285 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:58,040 - What's that got to do with it? - I don't know, sir. 286 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:02,480 C'mon, Jonesy, you can burn those letters now. 287 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:11,280 - - There you go. - An enemy plane could see that! - Aw, shut up! 288 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:15,640 Put that light out! PUT THAT LIGHT OUT ! 289 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:20,040 Put it out! Put that light out! 290 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:10,080 Subtitles by Alison Loudon