1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:07,200 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 2 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:12,320 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:17,040 # We are the boys who will stop your little game 4 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:21,840 # We are the boys who will make you think again 5 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:26,760 # Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 6 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:31,800 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:36,360 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21 8 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:41,160 # But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun 9 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:46,320 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 10 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,800 # If you think old England's done? # 11 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:56,200 Platoon, stand at ease! 12 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,360 Atten-SHUN! 13 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,880 - Try and do it with the others, Jonesy. - Sorry, Sergeant. Sorry. 14 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,840 - Thank you, Wilson. - Aye, sir. - Stand at EASE! 15 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,520 I know what's happening, sir. 16 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,960 You see, you're at that end of the line, and your voice of command 17 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:16,920 takes time to travel through the air. 18 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:18,600 Yes, well, something like that. 19 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,600 Perhaps if you were to nod your head, sir, 20 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,200 he might catch on a bit quicker. 21 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,840 Yes, sir. If you nod your head, you'll not find me wanting. 22 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:28,280 We can't get involved in all that. 23 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,240 - Now, pay attention. - HUP! 24 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:35,680 - What's the matter, Jones? - You nodded, so I sprung to it, sir. 25 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,800 We're not doing that now. 26 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,880 Now, I've been approached by some of the womenfolk. 27 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:42,120 HUP! 28 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,320 What is it now? 29 00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:48,920 I was standing to attention, so I eased myself, sir. 30 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:53,120 The womenfolk want to join us in our fight against the common foe. 31 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:56,000 - For making the tea, and the cocoa, etc. - Buttons! 32 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,400 I beg your pardon? 33 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,920 Buttons. Buttons, sir. They could sew on buttons. 34 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,080 Precisely. Yes, that's a very good point, Frazer. 35 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,120 - Make a note of that, Wilson. - Yes, sir. 36 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,880 - HUP! - Jones! 37 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:12,280 Yes, sir, I... Oh, we're not doing the nodding now, are we? Sorry, sir. 38 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:16,920 - I suppose there will come a time when he'll have to go. - Yes. 39 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:19,760 The new girl at the sweet shop is ever so obliging. 40 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,600 Really? 41 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,120 Well, that sounds like the sort of girl we want. 42 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,320 Comforts for the troops(!) 43 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,520 All right, Walker, that'll do. Let's not have any of that sort of talk. 44 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,880 Sir, there's a lassie works for the Gaslight and Coke Company. 45 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:40,960 She's a sonsie girl wi' big, strong thighs that.... 46 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,360 You're right there. 47 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:46,840 - They're very strong when they've got strong thighs. - Don't I know it. 48 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,480 Anyway, bring them along tomorrow night. We only need a handful. 49 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,960 And with proper training, they'll release us, the front line, 50 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,720 the fighting troops, to grapple with the enemy. 51 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,000 I don't think Jonesy and Frazer will have much energy left 52 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,880 after grappling with those big, strong thighs. 53 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,960 Walker, I shan't tell you again. 54 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:06,400 # Run, rabbit! Run, rabbit! Run, run, run... # 55 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,720 - Hello, Wilson. - Good evening, sir. 56 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:14,240 - How goes the recruiting? - Very well. The men have brought quite a few. 57 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:18,080 - Right, let's bash on. Bring them in. - I'll find out who's first, sir. 58 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,000 Right, now... 59 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:26,040 - Sergeant Wilson, this is Mrs Fox. - Mrs Fox. - How do you do? 60 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:30,080 - How do you do? Would you care to step this way? - Ta, ever so. 61 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:37,560 - What a very humid day it's been, hasn't it? - Oh, yes, it has. 62 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:42,680 - But you look so wonderfully cool. - Oh! - Yes, you do. You really do. 63 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:47,400 - This is Mrs Fox, sir. - How do you do, Mrs Fox? - Nicely, thank you. 64 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,160 Mrs Fox is one of my most regular customers, sir. 65 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:54,200 I'm sure she'll give complete satisfaction, sir. 66 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,000 Yes, thank you very much, Jones. 67 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:02,040 How terribly rude of me! Do sit down. Do make yourself comfortable. 68 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,920 - Thank you. - Is there anything I can do for you? 69 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,000 - Would you like a cup of tea? - Oh, I don't think... - Wilson! 70 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:15,160 - The kettle's on. It's no problem. - Wilson! Wilson, just a minute! 71 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,160 I'd like a word with you outside. 72 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,560 Excuse us, Mrs Fox. 73 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,280 - Yes? - Look here, Wilson. - Yes? 74 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:31,280 - I know you fancy yourself as a ladies' man... - What? 75 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:32,800 The women will be subjected 76 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,400 to the same discipline as the men, so let's start as we mean to go on. 77 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,000 - Well, at least we can be polite to them, sir. - I quite agree with you. 78 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:42,320 But we don't need all this Jack Buchanan stuff. 79 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,440 - Stick to the matter in hand, shall we? - All right, then. 80 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:47,000 - As you say, sir. - Well, come on, let's get back. 81 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,720 Sorry about that, Mrs Fox. 82 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:57,000 - Now, the name was Fox. - Yes. 83 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,320 What's the Christian name? 84 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,160 - Marcia. - Marcia. 85 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,920 What a pretty name! 86 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,200 Do you really think so? 87 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:11,640 - I do. It's one of my favourites. I do love that name. - Wilson! - Sorry. 88 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:18,280 Mr Mainwaring, here's my address. I've put my age on the bottom. 89 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,640 I was just telling Mr Mainwaring, 90 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,200 I've put my age on the bottom. 91 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:30,840 Occupation? 92 00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:33,000 Widow. 93 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,520 Is that an occupation? 94 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:40,440 - In Mrs Fox's case, I would say it was almost a calling. - Wilson! 95 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,400 Mrs Fox, would you like to join us? 96 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,640 I didn't know you'd come apart! 97 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:50,640 That's awfully good! Very funny, Mrs Fox. 98 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,400 Don't you think so, sir? That's a very funny joke. 99 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:59,280 I'll take that as an affirmative answer. Thank you, Mrs Fox. 100 00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:02,920 - Thanks ever so much, Mr Mainwaring. - Let me show you out, Mrs Fox. 101 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,160 Mrs Fox has got a very dry wit. 102 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,440 - A what? - A very dry wit, the way she comes out with the jokes. 103 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:20,840 This is the young lady I told you about, sir. Ivy Samways. 104 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:26,320 - Oh, yes. - I think she's the one, sir, who is so awfully obliging. 105 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,360 Yes, thank you, Wilson. 106 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:30,680 - Jones! - Sir? 107 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,920 - You needn't stay. - Right, thank you, sir. 108 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:38,440 Now, then, Miss Samways... JONES CLUMPS HIS FEET 109 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,480 You're a shop assistant, aren't you? 110 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,440 Oh, get out, Jones! 111 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,000 You're a shop assistant, aren't you? 112 00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,920 What's your address? 113 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,840 SHE WHISPERS 114 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:02,840 I beg your pardon? 115 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,200 SHE WHISPERS 116 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:09,040 I'm sorry, I still didn't quite catch that. 117 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:14,040 - Jutland Drive. - Oh, Jutland Drive. What number? 118 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,360 SHE WHISPERS 119 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:16,720 Hm? 120 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,480 SHE WHISPERS 121 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,240 27! 122 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:24,880 27! Now, Miss Samways, 123 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:28,440 I wonder what sort of a task we can find for you. 124 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:31,280 Answering the telephone, do you think, sir? 125 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,800 You're trying my patience rather far today, Wilson. 126 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:42,280 - She could look after the secret files. - Thank you, Miss Samways. 127 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:43,560 Thank you. 128 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,240 - A word, sir. - Yes? 129 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:48,600 The lassie from the Gaslight and Coke Company cannae be here tonight, 130 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:55,680 sir, but she's very keen. Just what we need. A fine, firm-bodied lassie. 131 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:59,280 Sonsie, you understand, wi' big, strong thighs. 132 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:03,160 Yes, all right, Frazer. Bring her tomorrow. 133 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,640 I'll do that, sir. 134 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:09,080 This is a friend of mine, Mr Mainwaring, Edith Parish. 135 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:12,760 Miss Parish. Have you an occupation? 136 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,560 - Yes, I'm an usherette. - Yeah, down at the Tivoli cinema. 137 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,520 They're the ones with the torches. 138 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:23,080 - You must see a lot of pictures. - Yes, and a lot of other things. 139 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:29,600 Now, where do you live, Miss Usher... Er... Er...Parish? 140 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,960 Down Berwick Road. 35. 141 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,280 - Berwick Road. - Yes. I live with my dad. 142 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,840 He's 6ft 3, so don't you go getting any ideas. 143 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,920 That will be all, thank you, Miss Parish. 144 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,120 I'll see she comes round tomorrow. 145 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,760 (You shouldn't have said that.) 146 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:52,480 - I don't think that's the class of girl we want. - No, possibly not. 147 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,320 - Any more? - No, I think that's it. 148 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,600 Send the men home. They had rather a late night last night. 149 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,400 I'll sort some of this out. 150 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,920 All right, sir. 151 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:05,160 All right, well, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 152 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:09,760 KNOCK AT DOOR Come in. 153 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,280 Captain Mainwaring? 154 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:17,400 - Yes. - I hear you need women helpers for the Home Guard. - That's correct. 155 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,120 - Do take a seat. - Thank you. 156 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,400 I've been told all about this platoon. 157 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:26,760 I think you've done a wonderful job. 158 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,720 We try to do our best for England in her hour of need. 159 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,800 I'd love to help, just to feel that I was doing something. 160 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,080 Oh, good. 161 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,640 Your face is familiar. Are you a member of the golf club? 162 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:44,600 No, I'm new here. Mother and I left London to escape the bombing. 163 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,120 - I see. - I'd love to have stayed, not that I could have done much, 164 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,280 but just being there to show that wretched little Hitler 165 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:53,240 we're not giving in. 166 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:57,880 By Jove, that's the sort of talk I like to hear! What name? 167 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:00,720 - Gray. - Gray. 168 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,520 - Christian name? - Fiona. 169 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:07,080 Fiona... What a pretty name! 170 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,240 Oh, do you think so? 171 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,720 - Yes, it's always been one of my favourites. - Oh, thank you. 172 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,320 Have you an occupation? 173 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:21,360 Widow, I suppose, if you can call that an occupation. 174 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,000 I think, in your case, Mrs Gray, it's almost a c... 175 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:28,120 Widow. And the address? 176 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:33,400 - 31 Wilton Gardens. - Oh, Wilton Gardens? That's quite close to us. 177 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,720 Yes, I know. I see you go to the bank every morning. 178 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,720 - Do you really? - And how wonderfully punctual you are! 179 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,760 - We thought you were three minutes late the other day. - Was I? 180 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:47,120 - No. The clock was wrong. - I have to set an example to the youngsters. 181 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:51,760 Oh, I do agree. All the old standards are declining so rapidly. 182 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,720 Oh, they are. They are indeed. 183 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,520 Yes, well, I mustn't keep you. 184 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:02,720 Well, shall we say tomorrow night? We usually parade at seven o'clock. 185 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:04,120 I can't wait to start. 186 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,600 At the moment my life consists of coffee in Anne's Pantry, 187 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,240 - and making the dahlias grow. - Oh, I love dahlias. 188 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,520 Do you grow them too? 189 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:18,840 Unfortunately, no. My wife says that they encourage the earwigs. 190 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:23,200 What a shame! But she's quite right. 191 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:28,280 Captain Mainwaring, may I ask you something awfully personal? 192 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:32,280 - Yes? - Do you always wear glasses? 193 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,400 Yes. Yes, I always have. 194 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,640 Would you take them off for a moment? 195 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:40,040 If you wish. 196 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,080 Oh, that's so much better! 197 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:46,040 I think spectacles... 198 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:50,200 Well, they take away the warmth in a person's eyes, 199 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,960 just as a fireguard takes away so much of the heat. 200 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,880 I suppose they do. I never thought of it that way. 201 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,880 Hello, sir. Still here, I see. 202 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,840 Yes. This is a new recruit, Mrs Fiona Gray. 203 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,640 Fiona? What a pretty name! 204 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:13,880 Yes, I think I got all the details. Shall we say tomorrow night, then? 205 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:18,640 - I can't wait to start. Goodbye. - Goodbye, Mrs Gray. - Goodbye. 206 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:25,200 - Now, there's a charming woman. - I'm sure, sir. 207 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,640 Just the sort of material we need. 208 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,920 You're a pretty good judge of that sort of thing. 209 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:37,600 Anyway, it'll be interesting to see how they all shape up. 210 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:44,680 # Oh, no, it isn't the spring It's love in bloom... # 211 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:16,000 Are you all right, sir? 212 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,800 Have you lost your glasses? 213 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:26,560 No, certainly not. Just took them off for a moment. 214 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:32,480 - Let's get on with it, shall we? - Right, sir. 215 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,720 Platoon, atten-SHUN! 216 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:41,480 - Welcome, ladies. LADIES: - Good evening, Mr Mainwaring. 217 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,680 Today I'll teach you the rudiments of foot drill, 218 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:49,840 so we can turn out as a disciplined body of men and women. 219 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,880 First, the "at ease" position. 220 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:57,600 To stand at ease properly, you have the feet comfortably apart, 221 00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,000 about 18 inches. 222 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:07,600 Place the right hand over the left over your bott...er, 223 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,040 in the small of the back. Have you all got that? 224 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:15,360 - Lot of red tape nonsense! - No talking in the ranks, Mum. 225 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:19,040 Pike, no talking in the ranks. 226 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:25,920 To stand to attention, you place the weight on the right foot, 227 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,200 raise the left... 228 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,600 - I'm doing this in slow motion, you understand - 229 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,200 ..then bring it up to the... 230 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,160 - Are you all right, sir? - Yes, yes. 231 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,440 Bring it up to the right foot, so. 232 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,880 Now, here comes the tricky bit. 233 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:46,280 At the same time, you put the hands down by the sides, 234 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,960 thumbs in line with the seams of the trousers. 235 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,360 - Permission to speak, sir? - Yes. 236 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,880 The ladies aren't wearing trousers, sir. 237 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,600 Cos they're ladies, you see. 238 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:01,040 Perhaps they could put their thumbs down the side of their knickers. 239 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,720 Walker, fall out! Go and stand over there. 240 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,920 You'll take no further part in this. 241 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:09,120 I didn't say nothing, did I? 242 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:14,800 - Let's try that. Give the order, Sergeant. - Platoon, atten-SHUN! 243 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:20,200 No, no. That was very sloppy. 244 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:25,080 - Not you, Mrs Gray. That was very good. - Thank you. 245 00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:29,840 Now, I want you to stand upright, stomach in, chest out. 246 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,200 Not you, Mrs Fox. That's very good. 247 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:36,960 Stand at...EASE! 248 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,040 Atten-SHUN! 249 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,320 Captain Mainwaring, 250 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,920 may I point out that Miss Ironside here is doing it very, very well? 251 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,680 Her legs are coming together with a firm, strong action. 252 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,080 Just you listen, sir. 253 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,440 Thank you, Frazer. 254 00:15:55,920 --> 00:16:00,280 I hadn't noticed that that girl has got very big thighs, had you? 255 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:07,080 - A little bit on the long side, I'd say. That's all, really. - Yes. 256 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,960 All right, everybody stand to attention. 257 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:15,400 We come now to the left and right turn. 258 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:20,360 To turn right, you swivel on the right heel and left toe, thus. 259 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,240 One, two. 260 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,320 One, two. One... 261 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:30,360 HUMS A DANCE TUNE 262 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:32,440 Walker! Walker! 263 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:39,240 You brace the thigh of the rear leg as you go. 264 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,960 That's right, lassies. Brace them thighs. 265 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,440 - I like to see them well braced. - Frazer! 266 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:50,160 And you lift the left leg and bring the foot into the right one, thus. 267 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,840 Blimey, what a way to win a war! 268 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:56,040 The captain knows best. You ought to listen. 269 00:16:56,040 --> 00:17:00,080 Godfrey, look to your front. Stop staring at the ladies. 270 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:04,160 Quite right. He's woman mad, he is. Woman mad! 271 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:09,080 Walker, any more from you and you'll be sent home. 272 00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:11,240 Right, everybody face the front. 273 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:16,000 Atten-SHUN! 274 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,400 Very good, Mrs Gray. 275 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,120 Left TURN! 276 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:27,360 - There's some confusion. - Yes, I know. 277 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:32,320 It's the same as in the American Civil War they had over in America. 278 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:37,400 They had trouble cos the soldiers were country yokels, 279 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:41,600 and didn't know their, ahem, from their elbow. 280 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,080 They got an ingenious idea. 281 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:48,320 They tied some straw to one boot and some hay to the other. 282 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:52,760 When the commanding man wanted to turn left, he shouted, "Hay turn!" 283 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,320 Or, alternatively, "Straw turn," 284 00:17:55,320 --> 00:18:00,680 depending on whether the straw was on the left foot or right. 285 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,960 They organised themselves so all the men had the straw 286 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:09,200 on the left foot or... Is that any use to you, sir? 287 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,160 I think that's a good idea, sir. 288 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,800 You can say, "Ladies, what nice straws you're wearing." 289 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:20,120 That's it! Get off home! 290 00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:21,880 What have I said? 291 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,720 Don't argue! That's an order! 292 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:31,000 # There will always be an England, While there's a country lane... # 293 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:35,120 HE HUMS TO HIMSELF 294 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:15,880 - Good morning, Captain Mainwaring. - Good morning. What a surprise. 295 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:20,520 - Won't you join me? - Thank you. I haven't seen you in here before. 296 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,200 Oh, I get in from time to time, 297 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,600 you know, when I can get my nose away from the grindstone. 298 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,800 - Yes, please? - Ah, thank you. 299 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,200 Oh, no, none of that. I beg your pardon. 300 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:43,160 - No, thank you. Just coffee for me, please. - Yes, just coffee, please. 301 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:49,320 - They once did Devonshire teas here. - With jam and cream? 302 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,720 Oh, yes. Just after the First World War, 303 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:57,840 another chap and I took a spin out here just for a Devonshire tea. 304 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:01,000 I got the rough end of my governor's tongue, I can tell you. 305 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,120 He thought I'd toddled off with a bit of fluff. 306 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,320 It was all harmless fun then. 307 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,440 Yes, of course it was. 308 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,360 Mind you, we used to set the pace now and again. 309 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,760 Your face lights up when you laugh. 310 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:21,200 I think you're really a very jolly person at heart. 311 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,680 Oh! Yes, I suppose I am, really. 312 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,360 Not that a bank manager gets much time for joking and jesting. 313 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,640 - Separate bills? - Yes, please. 314 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,480 No, please, have this with me. 315 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,080 - Good morning, captain. - Hm? Godfrey, is it? 316 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:45,480 - I haven't seen you in here before. - Oh, I come in from time to time. 317 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,480 I'm just on my way to the clinic. Have you mislaid your glasses? 318 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:52,880 No, just resting my eyes. 319 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,760 If you'll excuse me. 320 00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:00,920 Charming man, that. One of my most loyal soldiers. 321 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,800 They're all wonderful. 322 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,880 Captain, I haven't seen you here before. 323 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,200 Oh, I come in from time to time. 324 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:14,320 Have you bust your specs? I know a fella with 500 pairs. 325 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,360 - Hardly used. - I haven't broken them. 326 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:21,120 - Oh. - Listen, you haven't seen me. I'm delivering some of the sweet stuff. 327 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,760 - Sugar? - Shush! You haven't seen me. 328 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:31,040 Oh, by the way, I haven't seen you, either. You know what I mean? 329 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,400 Don't worry. 330 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,600 Heart of gold, that man. 331 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,400 Do anything to you... Er, FOR you. 332 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,720 Whereabouts in London do you live? 333 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,400 Near Regent's Park. 334 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,440 It was hopeless for mother. 335 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:53,840 They had the ack-ack guns there... Oh, that was careless talk. 336 00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:57,560 Don't worry. Any secret is safe with me. 337 00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:01,680 Morning, Mr Mainwaring. 338 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,440 Don't often see you in here. 339 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:07,120 I come in from time... Never mind. 340 00:22:07,120 --> 00:22:10,400 I'll join you in a minute. 341 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,200 - Mrs Prosser, Captain Mainwaring. - How do you do? 342 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,440 - This is Mrs Gray. - How do you do? 343 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:20,280 Mrs Prosser's a very good friend of mine, but there's nothing in it. 344 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,320 - I see. - Don't tell Mrs Fox, though. 345 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,840 I give her pieces for her cat and on her part, 346 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,000 - she keeps me company from time to time. - Yes. 347 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,400 - Thank you, Jones. - Thank you. 348 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:39,960 Sorry about all that. I had looked forward to a quiet chat. 349 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,760 So had I. 350 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,280 I must confess, I came in here deliberately 351 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,000 on the off-chance of seeing you. 352 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,040 I rather hoped you would. 353 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:01,000 Pike? What do you want? 354 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,640 Mr Wilson says he's sorry to spoil your tete-a-tete, 355 00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,000 - but the bank inspectors are here and would you come at once? - Yes. 356 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,560 I'm afraid I'll have to dash away. I'm sorry. 357 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:18,880 - Perhaps we could meet again, very soon. - I'd like that. 358 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,680 - See you on parade tonight. - Of course. I look forward to it. 359 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,080 Sorry I have to go. 360 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,520 Two coffees? That'll be eightpence, please. 361 00:23:52,120 --> 00:23:56,320 All I'm saying is that Mainwaring's making a perfect fool of himself. 362 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:02,400 They came twice to see Forty Little Mothers, with Eddie Cantor, 363 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:07,160 and once to see Shipyard Sally, with Gracie Fields. 364 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,960 - They have coffee every morning. - I haven't seen them. 365 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:15,680 They go to the Dutch Oven now. I have to fetch him if he's needed. 366 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,360 It's absolutely... 367 00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:23,720 I tell ye, he'll ruin himself. Somebody ought to tell him. 368 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,240 - Hello, Wilson. - Sir. 369 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:31,760 - Nearly time for parade? - Yes, just a few minutes' time. - Good. 370 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:36,440 - I've got an announcement to make to the Ladies Section. - Ah, the ladies. 371 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:42,720 I've been meaning to have a word with you about that, sir. 372 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,720 - Some time. - Yes? - I know it's none of my business, sir, 373 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,720 but unless I say something about it, who will? 374 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,360 Look here, Wilson, if you've got something to say, 375 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:55,480 stop shuffling about from one foot to the other, and just cough it up. 376 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:57,120 Are you in some sort of trouble? 377 00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:00,800 What? Oh, no, sir. Not at all. Good Lord, no. 378 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:05,800 It's just with the Ladies Section, do you think it's possible that... 379 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:10,240 some of us might possibly be making tiny little fools of ourselves? 380 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:14,920 Ah, I see. 381 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:20,440 - Thank you for your frankness, Wilson. - Aye, sir. 382 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:24,200 Can't have been easy for you to speak to me on so delicate a matter. 383 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:29,360 No, sir, no. I thought it was for the best, you know. 384 00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:34,400 - I am not insensitive to what people are saying, Wilson. - No, sir. 385 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:38,200 I am therefore going to disband the Ladies Section, 386 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,160 with the exception of a few special helpers. 387 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:45,080 - I see, sir. Yes. - All right? - Mm-hm. 388 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,360 Well, that should settle your problem, 389 00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:50,280 and keep Mrs Pike out of your hair. 390 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:00,960 Everybody here, corporal? 391 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:03,640 All present and correct, sir, except Mrs Gray. 392 00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:09,080 Mrs Gray not here? Strange. Perhaps she's a bit under the weather. 393 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,320 Favouritism. 394 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:16,680 Ivy saw her going to the station with two heavy suitcases. 395 00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:20,520 - To the station? - Ten minutes ago. 396 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:24,480 Mrs Gray went to the station with two suitcases? 397 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:29,080 There's only one train now, and that's the 8:40 to London. 398 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:30,880 - Take the parade, Wilson. - What? 399 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,600 Would you like me to make the announcement, sir? 400 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,880 - DOOR SLAMS - Oh, Lord! 401 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,200 - Not too strong, please. - Not much chance of that, dear. 402 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,400 - Anything else? - No, thank you. - Just tuppence, then. 403 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,080 DOOR OPENS 404 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,280 What's this? What's happened? 405 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,320 Nothing's happened. I'm just going back to London. 406 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,560 - For how long? - I don't know. A month or two. Perhaps for good. 407 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,160 But you never mentioned it. You never even hinted at it. 408 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:18,760 - I thought it would be for the best. - But I... I don't want you to go. 409 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:20,960 The whole pattern of my life has changed. 410 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,760 I just live from one meeting to the next. 411 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:26,440 I know. I'm the same. But it's the only thing to do. 412 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,000 People are talking. 413 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,040 - People always talk. Who cares about that? - But there's your wife... 414 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,640 Nobody will talk to HER. 415 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,640 She hasn't left the house since Munich. 416 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:44,280 Be sensible, George. You can't afford scandal. There's the bank... 417 00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:49,720 - Damn the bloody bank! - George! - I'm sorry. 418 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,880 Look, don't get that train. 419 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:57,960 - George, I must. - I implore you, don't. We'll meet once a week. 420 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:01,840 You're making this difficult. I've made up my mind. It's the only way. 421 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,280 Victoria! Victoria! 422 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:05,840 There's my train. 423 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,560 Look, Fiona, I've never begged anything from anyone in my life, 424 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,040 but I'm begging you not to go. 425 00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,880 - Finished with this chair, sir? - Yes, take the damn thing! 426 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:16,280 - I'm sorry, George. - I'll take that. It's heavy. 427 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,760 Can't we talk about this? Go tomorrow. 428 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:33,160 Walmington-on-Sea! 429 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:34,920 Make way for this lady, would you? 430 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:38,080 Hurry along, please! 431 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:39,960 Here, I'll do that. 432 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,120 Hurry up, or you'll be coming, too. 433 00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:49,080 - Where can I get in touch with you? - You won't be able to. 434 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,400 - Will you write? - I don't know. 435 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,600 - After a little while, perhaps. - Stand clear, sir. 436 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,040 - Pull those blinds down! - Promise you'll write. 437 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,360 Very well. I promise. 438 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,120 WHISTLE BLOWS 439 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:08,080 - Make it soon. - Goodbye, George. 440 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,400 (Goodbye, Fiona.)