1 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:08,600 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 2 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:13,320 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:18,120 # We are the boys who will stop your little game 4 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:22,840 # We are the boys who will make you think again 5 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:27,880 # Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 6 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:32,600 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:37,120 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21 8 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:42,160 # But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun 9 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:47,000 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 10 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:51,600 # If you think old England's done? # 11 00:00:53,560 --> 00:01:01,560 Pay attention! Some of you will know that we are taking part in a Divisional scheme on Saturday. 12 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:06,400 - We shall be using live ammunition. - That is good news, sir. 13 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:16,000 - A battery of 25-pounders will also be firing over our heads. - How far over? 14 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:20,040 We shall also do some house-clearing. 15 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:25,080 I shall devote this parade to revising the drill for that. 16 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:33,680 - Walker and Frazer will be the shooters. Into your places at the double! - Come along now! 17 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:40,440 - You heard what the officer said. At the double! Come on now! - Corporal. 18 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:44,960 We're going to do this by numbers. Walker. 19 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,920 At the door - bang! bang! bang! 20 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,800 - Frazer. - At the lock - shoot! shoot! shoot! 21 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:57,720 - Right, corporal. - Ready when you are, sir. - Kick the door in. - Right. 22 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:02,280 Right, sir. At the door - kick, kick, kick. 23 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,600 - Kick the door in! - Right, sir. 24 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,400 Door... Door kicked in, sir. 25 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:25,320 - Wilson, chuck your grenade. - Jones is in the way. 26 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:30,240 - Stand aside, corporal. - I'm sorry, sir. I haven't been myself today. 27 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:35,280 - I had trouble at the shop. - Keep alert. - The brawn wouldn't set. 28 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:41,720 You can't serve runny brawn, sir. It makes the customers sneer. 29 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:47,160 - Tell them it's cold soup. - Wilson! 30 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:54,080 - Pike. - Yes? 31 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:59,280 - Well, get on with it! - I'm waiting for the bomb to explode. 32 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:05,120 Don't be impertinent, boy. Just do as you're told. 33 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,680 Aaaa-aaaa-ggggh! 34 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:14,280 Aaaa-aaaa-gggh! BANG! BANG! BANG! Aaaa-aaaa-gggh! 35 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:19,080 - Was that all right, Mr Mainwaring? - You don't say that. 36 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:24,120 - Reporting house cleared, sir. - Reporting house cleared, sir. 37 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:31,640 Now we'll... Wilson! Wilson, there's no explosion. 38 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:35,680 No, I just can't stand that boy shouting. 39 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:40,880 Now we'll do it using blank ammunition. 40 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:50,200 I want you to tell Mainwaring this is my hall as much as his. It's MY hall. 41 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:56,240 Mainwaring's too big for his trousers. GUNFIRE > 42 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:16,960 Aaaa-aaaa-aaaa-aaaa-gggh! 43 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,320 Aaaa-aaaa-gggh! 44 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,360 Reporting house cleared, sir. 45 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:31,120 - Except for the vicar, the verger and Mr Hodges. - What?! 46 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:43,200 # ..Come on, hold your hand out 47 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,040 # We're all fed up with you 48 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,720 # Cor blimey! # 49 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:01,440 - KNOCKING AT THE DOOR - Come in! 50 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,240 The men are ready, sir. 51 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:09,680 - Thank you, sergeant. - Oh, that is awfully smart, sir. - Thank you. 52 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:14,720 I thought it advisable to get something warm before the chilly weather sets in. 53 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:22,160 - Quite, sir. - It's tailored specially. It cost 18 guineas. - I ought to try and get something like that myself. 54 00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,560 They're for officers only. 55 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,960 Patrol, ATTENTION! 56 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:38,520 The chocolate soldier himself(!) It's Nelson Eddy. 57 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:46,560 I heard that, Walker. See me later. 58 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:49,640 Stand at ease! 59 00:05:52,520 --> 00:06:00,240 Our task on this scheme is to occupy a deserted barn and deny it to the enemy. 60 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:06,280 - PHONE - Answer that, corporal. It will be HQ. 61 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:09,880 - Permission to speak, sir. - Yes? 62 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:14,760 General Lord Kitchener had a coat similarly identical to yours, sir. 63 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:23,200 - Oh? - Except his was blue and it didn't have brass buttons, and it was much longer. 64 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:27,440 Go and answer the phone, ye auld crawler. 65 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:33,440 - Don't speak to me like that, private! - Jones, the telephone. 66 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,600 Yes, sir. Very good, sir. 67 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,480 - As we're using live ammunition, I'm taking no chances. - Quite, sir. 68 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:47,760 - I'm putting Jones in charge of the vehicle park. - That's a relief. 69 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:57,560 - Jack Jones the butcher. - Jones, I've got the map reference for Captain Mainwaring. Take it down. 70 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,280 I'll take your order straightaway. 71 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:05,080 It's 9-3-7-6-4-1. 72 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,600 9-3-7... Blast! 73 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:13,880 Sorry, sir. Could you hold on a minute, sir? Only the lead's gone. 74 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,920 I've got 9-3-7 up to now, sir. 75 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:24,080 On the command "fall out" you will put your kit into Jones's van. 76 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,600 Right? Platoon... 77 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:33,920 I don't think we need quite as much first-aid kit as that, Godfrey. 78 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,600 That's my picnic, sir. 79 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,640 Picnic? 80 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:47,160 - You told us to bring food. - I meant sandwiches. - They're indigestible to me, sir. 81 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:53,440 - My sister has made me a vegetable flan and rice pudding. - Rice pudding? 82 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:58,720 This is no place for rice pudding! Leave it in my office. 83 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:03,080 - And leave the spoon. - Walker! 84 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,120 The rest of you fall out. 85 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:10,280 - Have you got a pencil? - Yeah, here you are. 86 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:15,400 - Hello? - Can I help, sir? 87 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,040 Whoever you are, take down these numbers. 88 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,240 Certainly, sir. Just a moment, sir. 89 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:27,160 - Numbers, sir. - 6-4-1. 90 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:30,600 6-4-1. 91 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:36,080 - He's got the other numbers. - Yes. 9-3-7. 92 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,960 See Captain Mainwaring gets them. 93 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:42,680 Yes. Is there anything else, sir? 94 00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:49,760 - What are you playing at? - Taking a message from the colonel. - Are you after my job? 95 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:57,720 - Mr Mainwaring, I have essential supplies to collect, so I'll see you later, if that's all right. - Yes. 96 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:03,520 No, it isn't all right. I'm fed up with your black-market activities. 97 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:06,040 Black-market?! 98 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:10,920 That's LIABLE! If you must know - and you're not entitled to - 99 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:17,960 I'm going to collect three scooters I've had made up for the kids in Eastgate Hospital. 100 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:22,760 - I see. - So, I'll see you later. - Yes. 101 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:27,680 # I'm only a chocolate soldier... # 102 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:35,400 # Adolf, you toddle off And all your Nazis, too 103 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:39,240 # For you may get something to remind you 104 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,960 # Of the old Red, White and Blue. # 105 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:46,000 ENGINE LABOURS 106 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,880 ENGINE EXPIRES 107 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,800 - What's wrong? - It won't go. 108 00:09:53,800 --> 00:10:01,600 - The big end's gone. - Just my luck! The guarantee's run out. - The farm's miles away. 109 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:08,800 - We shall march. Get the men out, sergeant. - Chaps, we're going for a stroll. 110 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,560 - All right, Mr Mainwaring? - Of course. 111 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:21,640 - Stay here and guard the vehicles. When we get in position, contact HQ. - Yes, sir. 112 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:28,840 - How will I know you're in position? - You'll need a signal of some kind. - Smoke signals, sir. 113 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:34,600 - Stupid boy! - No, it's a good idea. We'll make a smoke signal. 114 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:39,880 How will I know you're not a bonfire? 115 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,360 We could send three little puffs and one big puff. 116 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:48,440 When we're in position, we'll send you three victory puffs, corporal. 117 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,960 Very good, sir. 118 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:57,000 Fall in as quickly as you can. Carry your greatcoats and equipment. 119 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:03,040 He can't carry himself! I'm afraid my gout is playing up, sir. 120 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:07,280 Stay and guard the vehicles with Jones. 121 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:17,880 - Hello, sir. - What on earth have you got there? 122 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:22,200 - You can have it. Ten quid. - Fall in! 123 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:26,360 It's got its own cold-weather starter. 124 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:31,080 Sir, won't you be rather hot marching in that overcoat? 125 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:37,600 - Certainly not. Very good cloth. Cool in summer, warm in winter. - Oh, I see. 126 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:42,160 I'm on my way to battalion HQ. 127 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:50,600 I beg your pardon, sir. I thought this was my HQ. Now I find it's yours. 128 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:56,880 - No, it's yours. My car's outside. Guard it, will you? - Yes, sir. 129 00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:02,440 - Excuse me, sir. Who am I guarding it from? - From the Germans, actually. 130 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:08,800 - I haven't immobilised it. - I'll see those Germans don't mobilise it, sir. 131 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:19,480 Left, right. Left, right. Left right. HALT! Fall out! 132 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,640 Now, you sit down there, Mr Godfrey. 133 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:27,920 I'll get on to H...headquarters Q. Right? 134 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:33,360 Now, just a minute. Now, let's see... The time. Yes, the time. 135 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,400 That has twenty-three minutes past. 136 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:41,160 Mr Mainwaring has got to march two miles to the barn. 137 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:47,040 If they march at three and a half miles an hour, when will they arrive? 138 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:54,320 - I couldn't march that fast. - No, well, we'll call it three miles an hour. 139 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,440 Three miles an hour...two miles... 140 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:00,680 That's three twoths of an hour. 141 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:07,680 No, two thirds. Forty minutes. They'll arrive at three minutes past the hour. 142 00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,960 Yeah, that's what we'll call it. 143 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:15,920 Right, I'll get on to HQ. That was quick, wasn't it, Mr Godfrey? 144 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,320 I pretend I'm measuring cloth. 145 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:23,920 I must try that. I'll work it out in chops. 146 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,560 Hello? Hello, HQ quarters? 147 00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:33,440 They will arrive at three minutes past. 148 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:41,600 - Who'll arrive where at three minutes past what? - Captain Mainwaring. Three minutes past two. 149 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:47,880 - Why didn't you say that? - Sorry. Could you tell me your rank, please? 150 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:54,680 - Signalman. - I'm a lance corporal, so you just watch it and be a bit more polite! 151 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,960 Platoon, halt! 152 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:08,520 Fall out. Pike, light the fire. 153 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,080 Yes, Mr Mainwaring. 154 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:22,160 Pile your overcoats in that corner. 155 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:26,720 - Very muggy for the time of year, sir. - Yes. 156 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:34,920 - Put my coat on the top of the pile, Wilson. I don't want it spoiled. - All right. 157 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:41,960 - I can't see any smoke signals. - I doubt if I'd see them even if they were there. 158 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:48,840 - You ought to get glasses. - I had a pair once, but they made me look old. 159 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:54,920 That don't worry me. I AM old. 160 00:14:54,920 --> 00:15:01,680 - It's not going awfully well, sir. - Get on with it! - Centre it, please. 161 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,480 Right. Now, away! 162 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,520 Over! Away! 163 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:12,520 - Over! Away! - MEN SPLUTTER 164 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,360 Over! Away! 165 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:21,640 Over! How long should the break in the letters be, sir? 166 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,840 - About ten seconds. - Ah. Right. 167 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:32,080 Now, then... One, two, three, four, five, six, seven... 168 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:37,320 - It's on fire! - What are you doing? - You insisted on a ten-second pause. 169 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:44,760 - You've ruined that blanket. - It's an overcoat, sir. - Whose is it? 170 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:48,400 I definitely do NOT know, sir. 171 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:56,400 Whoever's it is will have to pay for it. Pick up your greatcoats. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. 172 00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:02,880 That's it! Three little puffs and a big puff. Right. 173 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:10,880 I'll get on to HQ quarters head, and you chop some wood up and we'll have a nice brew-up, shall we? 174 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:16,360 I'm fed up with this carelessness! 175 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:21,400 Whoever did it ought to be on a charge. Who hasn't got a greatcoat? 176 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,840 Rear rank. 177 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:32,120 Centre rank. 178 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,880 Front rank. 179 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:39,280 - It wouldn't be you, Wilson? - No, sir. 180 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:45,280 - What did you do with mine? - I put it on top of the pile, like you said. 181 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:52,680 It wasnae deliberate, sir. It definitely was NOT deliberate. 182 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,520 Hello, HQ headquarters Q ? 183 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:02,400 Captain Mainwaring and number 1 platoon are in their positions. 184 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:06,440 - Oh, yeah? Where? - Where? 185 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:12,960 Oh, wait... Wait a minute. Here you are. Reference 6-4-1-9-3-7. 186 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,000 You mean 9-3-7-6-4-1, don't you? 187 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:20,840 6-4-1-9-3-7 is the target for the 25-pounders. 188 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:27,440 That'll be it, then. Captain Mainwaring and the platoon are in their positions. 189 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,320 Right. TTFN. 190 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,280 My word, that's a bit of a laugh! 191 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:46,600 - Psst! - Yes? 192 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:53,960 I've just been on the phone to HQ quarters. "Captain Mainwaring is in position 6-4-1-9-3-7," I said. 193 00:17:53,960 --> 00:18:00,080 "That's the target," he said. I'd given him the wrong number. 194 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:04,440 6-4-1-9-3-7 IS where Captain Mainwaring went. 195 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,720 - Are you sure? - Absolutely. 196 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:11,960 I never forget a number. I nearly went into the accounts department. 197 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,960 But if it is, they'll all get blown up. 198 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:22,960 - Oh, dear. - Don't panic. I'll tell them to stop the firing. Don't panic! 199 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:35,120 Don't panic! Stop the firing! Stop the firing! Stop the firing! 200 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:41,080 Hello? Hello, hello? HELLO?! 201 00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,760 Hello! Hello! It's dead. 202 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:54,040 - Oh, I'd better run to headquarters. - I don't think we have time for that. 203 00:18:54,040 --> 00:19:00,360 - I can go very swiftly, if I have to. - I don't even know where it is. - But we must warn Captain Mainwaring. 204 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:08,640 That's one thing we must do. We'll warn Captain Mainwaring. And... We mustn't waste a minute. And we... 205 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:14,920 - They take forty minutes to march. How long will we take to run? - About an hour. 206 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:21,680 But the firing starts in half an hour. 207 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:25,840 THE FIRING STARTS IN HALF AN HOUR! Don't panic! 208 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:33,120 - I know! We'll drive. - But your van's broken. - Never mind. There's two cars outside. 209 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:38,160 We'll go there in the two cars and drive the platoon away in those. 210 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:42,720 - We'll both drive. - But I can't drive. 211 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:47,240 There's nothing to it, Mr Godfrey. I'll show you. 212 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,280 Look, now. You switch on. 213 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,320 Then you pull the self-starter. 214 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,560 And then you tiddle...you tiddle... 215 00:19:56,560 --> 00:20:00,960 You tiddle your foot on the accelerator. 216 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:07,400 Here's the gears. First gear up there, second gear down there, third gear there, top up there. 217 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:11,880 Now the other foot comes into play. Depress the clutch. 218 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:16,160 Put it in number one and slowly draw your foot off the clutch. 219 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,480 Not as slow as that! 220 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:21,880 It'll be fine. You'll be sitting. 221 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:28,320 - Don't sit down now, though! - Could we go through it again? - I'll show you. 222 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:37,040 - Mr Mainwaring. - Yes? - What are we doing here? 223 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:43,200 - We're denying this barn to the enemy. - I wouldn't give a fiver for it. 224 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:48,480 You must admit it is rather a lovely view. 225 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:54,800 - It's the strategic importance that concerns us. Keep watch, Frazer. - Oh, aye, sir. 226 00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:01,120 It's no good. I'll tow you. 227 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,640 Mr Jones, you didn't explain about the steering. 228 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,320 Battery target, farm buildings... 229 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:13,000 Load! 230 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:23,920 - Nothing will happen yet, so the men should consume their rations. - All right, sir. 231 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:28,800 - Fellas, you can eat your rations. - Come on, lads! 232 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:32,120 Hang on, Mr Godfrey! 233 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,920 Mr Jones, which way do I turn the wheel? 234 00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:05,120 Don't worry, Mr Mainwaring. I'm coming! 235 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,440 Are you all right, Mr Godfrey? 236 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,640 Yes. I think I'm beginning to get the hang of it. 237 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:30,840 - I have an idea. - We only have seven minutes. 238 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:35,720 We'd better hurry, or Mr Mainwaring will be blown to kingdom come. 239 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:43,240 - You'd hardly think there was a war on, would you? - No, it's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful, isn't it? 240 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:50,280 - Listen. Isn't that a skylark? - CHIRRUPING - Yes, I believe it is. 241 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:54,840 Hadn't better fly too high. Get its feathers shot off. 242 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:03,960 Listen, you chaps, the 25-pounders will open up in a few minutes. 243 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,000 Their shells will whistle over us. 244 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:15,320 It's a terrifying noise but there's no need to be scared. The artillery chaps know what they're doing. 245 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:20,040 Three five zero degrees angle of sight. 246 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,560 Two degrees three minutes depression. 247 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:49,280 Look after the car, Mr Godfrey. 248 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,720 I do wish I could hasten things. 249 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:45,800 B troop ready to fire, sir. 250 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:55,240 - My, my, it's warm, isn't it? - Yes. No need for you to wear your overcoat after all, sir. 251 00:24:57,120 --> 00:25:04,800 - Two minutes to go. I wonder how our chaps will react under fire. - What are they firing at? 252 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:10,240 - They're firing at a disused barn. - What happens after the shooting? 253 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:14,200 That'll be the end of the exercise. We shan't be here to find out. 254 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,480 It all seems rather pointless. 255 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:25,680 - Yes. I suppose the brass hats will learn something. But WE'LL never know. - No. 256 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,600 Who said Jonesy could drive my car? 257 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:37,680 Mr Mainwaring! 258 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:52,880 - Don't panic! Don't panic! - Mr Jones... - Mr Mainwaring, don't panic! - I'm NOT panicking! 259 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,920 - What is it? - Mistake...map... 260 00:25:55,920 --> 00:26:01,240 Farm barn proper target for 25-pounders... You, here! 261 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:05,280 You have 45 seconds to clear off, starting NOW! 262 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:21,000 Stand by. One minute to go. 263 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,160 Thirty seconds to go. 264 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:46,360 Stop the car. Everybody out! 265 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:47,760 Fire! 266 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:05,280 Stop! 267 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,320 It seems to be all over. 268 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:27,840 I'll have somebody's blood for this. My battledress is ruined. 269 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:32,640 Yes. Good job you weren't wearing your overcoat, isn't it? 270 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,880 Subtitles by Audrey Flynn BBC Scotland 1991