1 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:08,280 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 2 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:12,200 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:18,040 # We are the boys Who will stop your little game 4 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:22,840 # We are the boys Who will make you think again 5 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:27,840 # Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 6 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:31,880 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:37,520 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21 8 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,760 # But he comes home each evening 9 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,520 # And he's ready with his gun 10 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:47,520 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 11 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:51,560 # If you think old England's done? # 12 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,320 Pay attention. 13 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,240 I've received a directive from GHQ 14 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,480 about Nazi parachutists. I'll read it. 15 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:07,960 "There is a danger the Home Guard might confuse British pilots bailing 16 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,840 "out with German parachute troops." 17 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:15,840 Not that our chaps get shot down often, but this could happen. 18 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:23,280 "Remember that no British plane contains more than six men." 19 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:27,840 So if you see some parachutists floating down, you count them... 20 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:33,440 ..And if there are more than six, you shoot them. 21 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:38,280 Mr Mainwaring? If they're dressed as nuns, do we still count them? 22 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,800 Count them however they're dressed. 23 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:47,400 But it isn't likely that a plane-load of real nuns would be floating down in parachutes. 24 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,040 You can't be too sure, sir. 25 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:56,560 I look at it this way - supposing in Occupied France there's this nunnery, 26 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,640 and one day the chief nun calls the others round and says, 27 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:02,120 "Now, listen, girls, 28 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,160 "let us escape to dear old England." 29 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:10,040 They all creep out, they get hold of a plane, and fly and fly. 30 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:15,760 When they get to England, they're not cognisant with landing methods, 31 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:18,560 so they jump out in parachutes. 32 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,960 You're into the realms of fantasy here. 33 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,000 It's a possibility, sir. It's a possibility. 34 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,040 Very unlikely, but we must be prepared. 35 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,080 It's really all quite simple. 36 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,520 When they come floating down, 37 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,880 the turbulence of the air will cause their habits to rise... 38 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:47,200 ..so you'll see their legs, and you can tell if it's a real nun or not. 39 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,680 - Yes. Very good point, Wilson. - Thank you. - Very good. 40 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,840 You must look at their legs. 41 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:58,800 Sir, I wouldn't care to look at a nun's legs. It's very impolite. 42 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,760 Force yourself - this is war! 43 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,400 - Mr Mainwaring? - Yes? 44 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:09,440 What are nuns' legs like? I've never seen them. 45 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:11,880 I don't think anybody has. 46 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,720 - Hairy 'uns! - What did you say, Frazer? 47 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:20,440 If they're Nazis, they'll have horrible hairy legs wi' jackboots. 48 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:25,800 - What if they're real nuns with hairy legs? - That'll do. 49 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:31,440 "If the Nazi has his hands up, he may not be surrendering. 50 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,960 "He could be concealing a grenade in each hand." 51 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:38,360 - PHONE RINGS - Answer that, Pike. 52 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:39,400 Yes. 53 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:45,200 - Talking of grenades, have you primed our stock of Mills bombs? - Oh, no. 54 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,440 - Why not? - It's awfully dangerous, sir. 55 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,960 War IS awfully dangerous, Wilson. 56 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:56,800 If Nazi parachutists descended, would you ask them to wait? 57 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,440 - Get the bombs ready tonight. - Right. 58 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:04,240 You're wanted on the telephone. GHQ say it's important. 59 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:07,080 Of course. Take charge, Wilson. 60 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,400 Get out of the way, boy! 61 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,920 - Shut the door, Pike. - Yes, sir. 62 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:25,400 - From the OTHER side! - You should have said! - Get out! 63 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,480 Good evening, sir. 64 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:34,360 - I've got an important job for you. - Excellent. What is it? 65 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:39,400 A fishing boat has picked up a U-boat captain and seven members of the crew. 66 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,160 They're locked in the ship's hold. 67 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:48,240 - That's good news. - Take them to the church hall. I'll send an armed escort over later. 68 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:52,840 Very good, sir. Face to face with the enemy at last! 69 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,880 - 'Leave this to us!' - You won't get much trouble from them. 70 00:04:55,880 --> 00:05:00,400 They've been drifting in a dinghy for two days. Good luck! 71 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,520 Thank you, sir. 72 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:11,520 Good news! At last we've got a chance to get to grips with the enemy. 73 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,640 Blimey! Are we invading France? 74 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,160 You're not doing anything too hasty, are you? 75 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:22,080 - I've something important to say. - About nuns' legs? 76 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,360 Of course not. 77 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:29,840 A fishing vessel has picked up a U-boat crew. We're to collect them. 78 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:33,200 Right! Fix bayonets! Come on now! 79 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:38,280 - I can't wait to get at them! - There'll be time for that later. 80 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:43,120 As soon as I get a whiff of action, I reach for my bayonet. 81 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,680 - It's in my nature. - Fall the men in outside. 82 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:51,040 Fall in outside, rifles and bayonets, at the double! 83 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,360 Wilson! Pike! 84 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:57,320 - Prime those hand grenades. - If you insist. 85 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,440 - I do. - Yes, sir. 86 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,480 Come along! 87 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,880 All right! 88 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,760 Share this pineapple between you! 89 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:14,640 For heaven's sake, Frank, put that thing down! 90 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,160 Sorry. 91 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:22,960 Chicago gangsters call them pineapples. I saw it in Scarface. Paul Muni. 92 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,600 They're very, very dangerous. 93 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,240 They haven't got any detonators! 94 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,560 Shall I get 'em? 95 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:36,920 I'LL get the detonators. It's very, very dangerous. Awfully tricky. 96 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,200 Now... 97 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:44,360 There are only two in that one. 98 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:48,080 - There's another box... - Stand back. Don't touch! 99 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:54,240 "Dummy primers for training purposes only." 100 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,280 Dummies aren't any good. Get that... 101 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,800 Just a minute, just a minute! 102 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:03,480 We could put these dummies into the grenades. 103 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:07,240 But what if the Germans came along? 104 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:12,960 We could soon change them round. It would only take a minute. 105 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:17,920 - He'll be cross if he finds out. - He'll be crosser if we get blown up. 106 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,920 - Dummies...! - Come on. 107 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,840 - JONES: - Left, right! Left, right! Left, right! 108 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:38,040 Handy hoch! Handy hoch! Handy hoch hoch hoch! 109 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:42,480 - They can put their hands down. - Handies down, handies down! 110 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:47,400 - Nichts hoch! Nichts hoch! He's still hoching! - Never mind. 111 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,760 - Now, Frazer. - Sir? 112 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:55,440 Set the Lewis gun up on the stage, with a clear sweep of the hall. 113 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:59,080 Sponge! Hancock! Get me a stepladder. 114 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,320 Jones, get them into a tight huddle. 115 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:06,120 Right. In a huddle, at the double! Come along! 116 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:10,960 I'm glad you got back all right, sir. Were they any trouble? 117 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:14,280 Not really. Ugly mob, though. This captain, 118 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,520 he's a surly brute. 119 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,040 All he does is sneer and smoke. 120 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,160 Has he got any left? I've run out. 121 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:27,280 This isn't a cocktail party, Wilson. Have you primed those grenades? 122 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,960 Well, sir... 123 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:34,080 I can honestly say all the grenades now have detonators in them. 124 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,640 Good. Get the tommy-gun, Pike. 125 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,120 - Tommy-gun. - Thank you, yes. 126 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:47,760 Listen - an armed escort will pick this lot up. 127 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:52,200 - In the meantime, I want maximum security. - Of course. 128 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,720 Here you are, sir. All loaded and ready. 129 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:00,240 - Set it up. - Aye. 130 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,800 - Permission to speak, sir! - Yes? 131 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,760 - Why don't we chop off their trouser buttons? - What? 132 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:11,200 If we chop off their buttons and they try to run away, 133 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:15,600 that will show something unusual. 134 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:20,000 And if some person, nonchalantly walking along, 135 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,440 sees them with trousers round their legs, 136 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,960 they will make some enquiries. 137 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:30,680 You! You don't dare to do anything of the sort. 138 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:35,600 The Geneva Convention forbids you to put us in humiliating positions. 139 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,560 You'll be in one if you get this up you, mate. 140 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:43,760 Don't threaten me, you silly old fool! 141 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,720 - You... - Get off, Jones! 142 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,760 He called me a silly old fool! 143 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,480 We're not savages! 144 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:57,560 - Speak when you're spoken to. - Get back in the huddle! 145 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,480 I'm warning you, Captain. 146 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,640 Just do as you're told. 147 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:12,960 SPLUTTERS 148 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,640 - That's the sort of... - HE SPLUTTERS 149 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,640 ..unscrupulous swine we're up against! 150 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:26,440 I admit he has an abrupt manner, but we must make allowances for him. 151 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:30,080 He's probably upset that he sank his submarine. 152 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:35,720 - Where do you want this? - Set it up here. 153 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:41,880 Pike, get on top so you've got a clear view of the hall. 154 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:44,920 You know I can't go up ladders! 155 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:48,520 - Come along. - It ain't half wobbly! 156 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:52,560 - You know I've got a doctor's note! - Get up there! 157 00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,040 Godfrey! 158 00:10:56,640 --> 00:11:00,160 - GODFREY! - Did someone call? 159 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:05,960 I'm terribly sorry, sir. I must have dozed off. 160 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:11,360 Dozed off? We're guarding a bunch of cut-throats, and you "doze off"? 161 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:15,840 I want you to watch them like a hawk. Understand? 162 00:11:15,840 --> 00:11:19,040 - Hold this ladder. - PHONE RINGS 163 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,360 Take charge, Wilson. 164 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:31,280 - Mainwaring here. - HQ here. Everything all right? - Yes. Just waiting for you to pick them up. 165 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:35,560 Ah. I'm afraid the escort won't be there till tomorrow. 166 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:38,680 You mean we must keep them all night? 167 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:45,280 There's nothing I can do. Give them a blanket each. Oh, and something to eat. 168 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:48,240 We've only got sandwiches, Colonel. 169 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,840 Send out for fish and chips. 170 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:58,320 - Send out for... - 'I'll see you get the money back. I'll be over about 8am. Cheerio.' 171 00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,880 Bye. 172 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,920 Fish and chips...! 173 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,360 Wilson, come here. 174 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,520 Jones! 175 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,240 Conference here. 176 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:19,320 The escort can't get here before morning. We've got to keep these chaps all night. 177 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:23,040 Then we'd better chop their buttons off. 178 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,000 No, no. I'm going to have a word... 179 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:32,280 - Can you speak German? - They'll know by the tone of my voice that I'm in charge. 180 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,000 They recognise authority. 181 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,400 - You'd better come with me. - Yes. 182 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,880 Pay attention! 183 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:45,240 - They're well-disciplined. - Nothing of the sort. It's slavish obedience. 184 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:49,880 Not like the cheerful discipline of our own Jack Tars. 185 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:57,040 A nation of automatons, led by a lunatic who looks like Charlie Chaplin. 186 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:03,880 How dare you compare our glorious leader with that non-Aryan clown? 187 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:07,040 I am making notes, Captain. 188 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:10,080 Your name will go on the list. 189 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:14,480 When we win the war, you will be brought to account. 190 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,720 - You're not going to win this war. - We are. 191 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:20,160 - Oh, no you're not. - Oh, yes we are. 192 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,600 # Whistle while you work Hitler is a twerp 193 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:25,960 # He's half barmy 194 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,200 # So's his army... # 195 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:32,040 Your name will also go on the list. What is it? 196 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,920 - Don't tell him, Pike! - Pike! 197 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:47,040 I've had about enough of you! Tell your men they've got to stay here. Now get on with it. 198 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:48,800 Uncle Arthur! 199 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:52,040 - What? - It's not fair, me going on the list. 200 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,040 I was only joking. 201 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,440 The Germans have absolutely no sense of humour. 202 00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:01,960 You've said MUCH worse things about Hitler! 203 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:08,720 - Quiet, quiet! - Will you have a nice word with him so he'll take my name off? - Yes. 204 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:13,280 Wenn ich so tue, als ob ich Magenschmerzen habe, 205 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:17,840 sollt ihr alle aufpassen, aufmerksam sein. Verstanden? 206 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,240 ALL: Ja, Kapitan. 207 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,800 Did you tell them what I said? 208 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,280 Yeah. 209 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,920 Walker, come here. 210 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,560 Is the fish and chip shop still open? 211 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,400 I think so - why? 212 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:48,480 - Here's ten shillings. Go and buy some for the prisoners. - Oh, right. 213 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:54,160 Now then. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 214 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,560 Eight cod and chips. 215 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,360 I want plaice. 216 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:06,560 Right. One plaice and chips, seven cod. Who wants vinegar? 217 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,920 Wieviele von euch wollen Essig? 218 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,080 Four for vinegar... 219 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,480 Who wants salt? 220 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:17,040 Wieviele von euch wollen Salz? 221 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,440 Three. 222 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,160 Who doesn't want salt or vinegar? 223 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,800 Ohne Salz oder Essig? 224 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,280 That's two. 225 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:28,560 Just see if I've got this right. 226 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:35,040 Plaice for you, cod for them. Four with vinegar, three with salt, two with neither. 227 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,560 Walker, what are you doing? 228 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,000 I'm taking the order. 229 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,600 And I don't want any nasty, soggy chips. 230 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,520 I want mine crisp. 231 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,080 Und light brown. 232 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:59,800 - Crisp und light brown... - Never mind that rubbish! 233 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:03,240 If I say you'll eat soggy chips, you will! 234 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,360 Soggy chips. 235 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,120 One o'clock in the morning. 236 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:23,240 You'd think he'd give us the chance to have a wee bit turn at sleeping. 237 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:27,520 No, he won't let us take our eyes off them. He's obsessed. 238 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:32,160 GODFREY: Sir, do you think I could possibly be excused? 239 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,480 No. Stay at your post. 240 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,120 PIKE: You hang on to this ladder. 241 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:48,560 Don't keep staring at me! Look in some other direction. 242 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:54,360 - Put that down! You're meant to be watching the prisoners! - Sorry. 243 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:58,280 - Keep them well covered, Jones. - I'm watching them. 244 00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:01,760 Captain, that fellow does keep his eye on you. 245 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,920 Every single minute. 246 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:07,360 I've got a notion he doesnae like you. 247 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:11,880 I wouldn't like to be you if he turned the tables on us. 248 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,000 That's very unlikely. 249 00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:21,720 I've had a good night. Booked three houses for showing lights and drunk ale with you. 250 00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:26,840 Not a word to his reverence about the bottle in my hidey-hole. 251 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,920 You can rely on me. Mum's the word. 252 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,040 We'd better say goodnight to Napoleon. 253 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,400 Good night, Napoleon. 254 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,320 Blimey! What's all this? 255 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,760 German prisoners of war. Keep away! 256 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:44,800 You can't keep Germans in the parish hall! 257 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,280 The vicar will be furious! 258 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,280 Mind your own business. 259 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,080 Ow! Ow! 260 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,520 What's up? 261 00:17:55,640 --> 00:18:00,120 I feel so ill! It is my stomach. Ow! 262 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:05,000 - Give us a hand, Verger. - Get away from him! 263 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,760 He's sick! 264 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,360 Aargh! 265 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:13,040 - I expect it was those soggy chips. - We must do something. 266 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,000 - I don't trust him. - You can't ignore it. 267 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,400 No. He's some mother's son. 268 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,880 He's got a heart of stone, Mr Hodges. 269 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:26,040 - I've got some bicarbonate of soda. Would that help? - Stay where you are. 270 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,480 You keep hold of this ladder! 271 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:33,040 Jones! Keep him covered. Watch him like a hawk. 272 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,480 Yes, sir. I'm completely cocked. 273 00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:38,320 - Pike! Do the same. - Yes, sir. 274 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,560 I'm going in. 275 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,600 Something very funny here. 276 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,880 They're only a few harmless German sailors! 277 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,600 His breathing is all right. 278 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,600 - How's the pulse? - Aargh! Aargh! 279 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:01,520 No-one is moving! 280 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,400 Das Maschinengewehr los! Schnell! 281 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,200 Get back! 282 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,760 - Get back. - RAT-TAT-TAT 283 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,720 # Because I've got my eyes on you. # 284 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:30,520 All right, Wilson? 285 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:36,040 Yes, sir. Hancock and Desmond are covering the back door and window. 286 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,360 Stupid drunken fool, Hodges! 287 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:41,640 - They didn't get the gun! - You did well. 288 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:46,320 I haven't felt like this since I was in the trenches in 1916! 289 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:50,640 I did well, didn't I, Mr Wilson. I did do well! 290 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,200 Yes, Jonesy. Awfully well indeed. 291 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:57,360 Yes, and you behaved well too! You kept cool. 292 00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:00,120 Did you think so? Very cool, was I? 293 00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:04,160 When the mutual admiration society has finished, 294 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:08,720 maybe you'll tell us what we're going to do, Captain. 295 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,520 Right. We can't hang about all night! 296 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:16,040 They've only one revolver and can't get out of the office. 297 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,400 We're holding all the trumps. 298 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,200 See? 299 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,800 All right, Verger. 300 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,080 Do they want to surrender? 301 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:33,360 No. They want to go back to the fishing boat so they can cross to France. 302 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:34,800 What?! 303 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,000 Or he'll blow Mr Hodges' head off! 304 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:43,880 But they'd get another submarine and start sinking British ships again. 305 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,720 - He's right. - It's one life against thousands. 306 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,480 A terrible decision to take, Cap'n. 307 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,440 But you have to admit, you never liked the man. 308 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,520 Tell them we want time to think. 309 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,040 Right. 310 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,600 Well? He's thinking it over. 311 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,120 Tell him I give him until dawn. 312 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,560 Wh-what did Mainwaring say? 313 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,720 I must admit it doesn't look too good. 314 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,880 My gawd! 315 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,920 If only we could get that gun away. 316 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,480 - Permission to speak, sir. - Yes? 317 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:38,920 S'posing I dress up in old clothes, black my face and knock on the door and say I'm a chimney sweep? 318 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,680 I say to Mr Hodges, "Hello, Fritz". 319 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:47,120 They ask why I call him Fritz, and I say, 320 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:53,480 "He's really a German prisoner. He's only an air raid warden in his spare time". 321 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,520 Mr Mainwaring? 322 00:21:55,520 --> 00:22:00,760 In that film, Petrified Forest, with Leslie Howard and Humphrey Bogart... 323 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,280 Bogart had got Howard prisoner, 324 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:07,880 and he was holding him in a cabin overnight at gunpoint. 325 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:14,640 Howard kept on quoting poetry, using long words and sneering, and got him all annoyed. 326 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,960 You could do that. 327 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:20,880 I missed that one. What happened to Howard? 328 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:23,080 He got shot. 329 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,800 Stupid boy! 330 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:31,200 I saw Freddie Bartholomew in David Copperfield... 331 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,160 but there was nothing in that. 332 00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:39,400 I've never heard such drivel in my life. 333 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,280 David Cop... 334 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,240 Wait a minute! 335 00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:48,280 Mr Micawber - "Something's bound to turn up." 336 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,640 We'll go along with this game of theirs. 337 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:56,680 We'll march right through the town. Somebody is bound to give an alarm. 338 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,000 We'll agree to your terms! 339 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:02,640 If they get away, the Navy will blow them up. 340 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:09,160 I'm glad you came to your senses. Das Maschinengewehr! Und hab Acht. 341 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,600 < Put down your rifles. 342 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,640 Do as he says. 343 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:17,800 - < Get me a grenade and some string. - Do it, Wilson. 344 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:21,040 Die Gewehre entladen und die Bajonette ausnehmen. 345 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,600 You won't get away with it. 346 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:28,440 Nobody will interfere. You will be escorting us - with empty rifles. 347 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,800 - How will you make us do that? - Very simply. 348 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:35,880 - Is it primed? - Yes. - You don't mind if I make sure? 349 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,040 By all means. 350 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:39,240 Good. 351 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:45,640 You, old man! Take off your belt and undo your tunic. 352 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,480 Pardon?! 353 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,000 Do as I tell you. Remove your belt. 354 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,440 Just to make sure, Captain, 355 00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:55,960 that your behaviour is correct, 356 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,640 zis old man will march in front of me. 357 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:03,120 One false move from you... 358 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:07,440 ..and I pull ze string! 359 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:11,320 Don't make any false moves, Mr Mainwaring, 360 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,120 and don't make any real ones either! 361 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:20,000 I will have time to get clear, but the old man has to undo his tunic. 362 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,840 A terrible way to die! 363 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,920 You unspeakable swine! 364 00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:33,960 As commander I reserve the right to have that bomb in MY waistband. 365 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:38,400 I cannot allow them to put a bomb down your trousers! 366 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:43,080 They can put 20 bombs down mine and I will not crack. 367 00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:51,960 You can't win this war! See the sort of men this country breeds! 368 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:58,080 - Rather stupid ones. - All very well to sneer but you've forgotten one thing. 369 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:02,480 - What's that? - The Royal Navy. You won't make it. 370 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:07,440 We will, because you will be with us! That man stays behind to tell them. 371 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,840 The Navy will not shoot on their own people. 372 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:15,080 When we arrive in France, you will be MY prisoners. 373 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,960 And then... 374 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,960 we shall examine the list. 375 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:41,480 Uncle Arthur! 376 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:48,720 - If I tell the German it's a dummy detonator, do you think he'd take me off his list? - Oh, do be quiet! 377 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:55,080 Blimey, sir. Look! There's a colonel. 378 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,760 The game's up. What are you going to do now? 379 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,400 Nothing. You will bluff your way out. 380 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:06,560 I refuse to cooperate! He won't do it, Jones. 381 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:11,440 Mr Mainwaring, if you don't do as he says, he'll pull the string. 382 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,960 - Oh, no, he won't! - Oh, yes, I will! 383 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,720 He says he will, Mr Mainwaring. 384 00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,200 Platoon! Halt! 385 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:27,280 - Where ARE you taking the prisoners? - Well, I...I... 386 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:32,120 The Captain thought they should go for a walk, get some fresh air. 387 00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:36,040 What's wrong? You're as white as a sheet. 388 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:38,480 Fresh air will do him some good. 389 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:42,120 We're off to the harbour for the sea breeze. 390 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:47,000 I'm going to pick up the escort for the prisoners. I'll see you later. 391 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,960 Yes, sir. 392 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:50,480 Platoon... 393 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:57,360 I'm surprised at you! Your men are always so smart. Why isn't Jones wearing his... 394 00:26:57,360 --> 00:27:00,680 What's this great lump of string doing? 395 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,280 Don't panic! Don't panic! 396 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:15,120 It's slipped out! Ooh! 397 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,560 Save yourself, sir! Save yourself! 398 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,520 - I'll cut it out. - No! 399 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:31,520 I wonder if I might borrow your revolver? 400 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,400 - What's going on? - I'll explain later. 401 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,000 Listen to me, you German fellows. 402 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:41,960 Would you get up against the wall and put your hands up, please? 403 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:43,600 Come on! 404 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:45,800 Good fellows. 405 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,320 That should have gone off by now. 406 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,440 - Oh! Oh! - That thing should have gone off by now! 407 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,440 So it should! 408 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,880 I've been saved. I've been saved. 409 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:02,600 I told you to prime those grenades! 410 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,160 I did, sir. With dummies. 411 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,520 Why is it you can never do anything you're... 412 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,720 You saved Jones's life. 413 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,360 Perhaps now you'll agree with me. 414 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:16,880 It's dangerous to keep them primed. 415 00:28:16,880 --> 00:28:19,280 Excuse me, sir. 416 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,680 Now that the crisis has passed... 417 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:26,560 would you mind asking Frazer to take his hand out of my trousers? 418 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:03,640 Subtitles by Veronica Simpson and Helen Rankin, 1993