1 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:08,800 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 2 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:12,840 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:17,840 # We are the boys who will stop your little game, 4 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:23,080 # We are the boys who will make you think again. 5 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:27,800 # 'Cause who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 6 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:32,840 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:37,680 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21, 8 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:42,520 # But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun. 9 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:47,760 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 10 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:51,560 # If you think old England's done? # 11 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,560 NOISY CHATTER 12 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:05,200 Right. Can I call the meeting to order? 13 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:13,160 We're here to discuss arrangements for the visit of this Russian chap to Walmington-on-Sea. 14 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:18,000 As Town Clerk, it has fallen to my lot 15 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:23,440 to find a suitable man to mastermind and co-ordinate our arrangements. 16 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:32,200 Now, everyone I've spoken to is of the same opinion. There is one man and he's sitting here 17 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:35,680 who is outstandingly suitable. 18 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:42,040 I'll ask him, with your approval, I'm sure, to take the chair. 19 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,000 Captain George Mainwaring. 20 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,160 HEARTY APPLAUSE 21 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,040 Ladies and gentlemen... 22 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:05,520 Why should HE be Chairman!? Russians don't want officers, bank managers and all that snobbish rubbish! 23 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:11,760 Well, from my enquiries it seemed Capt. Mainwaring was the best choice. 24 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:16,480 We need an ordinary bloke, like a greengrocer. 25 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,880 Do we KNOW a greengrocer? 26 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,600 ME! 27 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:26,320 If there's any dissent, I'll gladly stand down. 28 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:32,120 I suggest you vacate the chair, I take the chair and we take a vote. 29 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,640 Musical chairs (!) 30 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:40,480 Right, all in favour of Captain Mainwaring? 31 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,680 Against? 32 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,080 ..Carried. 33 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:52,280 Captain Mainwaring will take the chair, which I shall now vacate. APPLAUSE 34 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,920 - # La-di, la di, la... # - All right! 35 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:04,280 - Ladies and gentlemen... - You said that already! - Order, please! 36 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:12,000 We are assembled here to honour the Russian worker Vladislov... Vla...Vlad... V... 37 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,920 Well, his name is immaterial. 38 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:20,160 What is important is that he is a Hero of the Soviet Union. 39 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:29,440 That doesn't necessarily mean that he's brave. It means that his team have made 5,723 tanks. 40 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:32,440 - He's been very busy. - Precisely. 41 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:38,720 Now, among other cities, he will be visiting Walmington-on-Sea and... 42 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:46,480 - Awfully sorry I'm late. - Come in. You know Mr Wilson, don't you? My Chief Clerk and Sergeant. 43 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:51,280 - You said half-past. - I said quarter-past! You don't listen. 44 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:58,120 - Old Hodges tried to give Mainwaring the elbow. - I'd have liked to have seen that. 45 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:05,120 - As I was saying, what form should our welcome...? - 'Evening, everybody. 46 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,840 Sorry I'm late. I've had one of those days. 47 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:15,280 I've a batch of new sausage skins. They're a bit too diaphanous. 48 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,320 Sit down, please, Mr Jones. 49 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:24,320 The question is, what form should the welcome 50 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:29,800 to Mr...er...er...er... to our Russian visitor take? 51 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,800 I've given this careful thought 52 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,800 and I am prepared to offer him 53 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:40,880 a voucher worth £10 towards the cost of a funeral. 54 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:47,240 Blimey, he'd have to peg out! 55 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,880 That is a risk I've got to take. 56 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:58,560 That's a good start, I'm sure, but what I had in mind was the broader aspect of welcome. 57 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:03,320 Mr Chairman, I represent the WVS. 58 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:11,000 I think we should not try to be all British and reserved. I think we should smile a lot. 59 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:15,920 Y-e-s. Yes, that would be very nice. 60 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:22,600 Personally, I'm not altogether sympathetic to Reds. Let's not go too far. 61 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:27,800 There was a time I felt the same about Bolshies and the like. 62 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:35,920 - But they ARE on our side. - Why don't we give him the freedom of Walmington? - Ah-ha! 63 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:44,560 He could get into the pictures for nothing. He's only here a couple of hours! 64 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,400 They could put on a Mickey Mouse. 65 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,360 Will you excuse me a moment? 66 00:05:54,360 --> 00:06:00,280 Pike, you're not on this committee. You're here as a messenger. 67 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:04,000 Only trying to be helpful. 68 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:10,120 Another word and I'll make you go into that office and shut the door. 69 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:23,280 - Sorry about that. Now, I think that was a very good suggestion of Sergeant Wilson's. - Hear hear! 70 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:26,840 What form should the freedom take? 71 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:32,200 How about a parchment scroll, tied up with red ribbon? 72 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:38,160 - I think I know where I can lay me hands on some. - How about a key? 73 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:44,440 - Better still. - Cardboard or wood, easy. Brass, a bit of a problem. 74 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:47,360 Right, let's have a wooden one. 75 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:54,240 The Mayor can say a few words of welcome and I will hand over the key. 76 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:57,520 - You got in there quick! - All right! 77 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:04,640 The band could play Russian music and I could dress up as a Cossack and do cobblers. 78 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,520 ..Do what!? 79 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:14,760 Cobblers, sir. It's a highly difficult kicking and dancing step. 80 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,440 Cossacks do a lot of it, sir. 81 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:23,560 - I'll show you. - There's no need... - It's all right, it's quite easy. 82 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:29,600 They crouch down and the music goes rum-ta-toom, HOI! HOI...! 83 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:41,240 I shall have to practise, of course. 84 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:46,120 - Sit down... - OW! Where's me chair!? 85 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:54,920 The Home Guard will parade. I don't suppose the wardens will want to. 86 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:57,080 We will! 87 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:02,280 Sergeant Wilson can demonstrate acrobatic motorcycle riding (!) 88 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:09,720 We haven't managed to persuade Wilson to mount the platoon motorcycle. 89 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:16,360 We need music. The band can play and the choir can sing "The Red Flag". 90 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:21,800 My choir will not sing that! I quite agree, Vicar. 91 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:28,800 You should hear what they sing behind the scout huts! Make your hair stand on end! 92 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,400 Oh, sorry, Vicar. 93 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:37,600 Can't they la-la it? That would be silly. 94 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:42,000 Well, things seem to be taking shape. 95 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:49,880 I shall co-ordinate all your ideas. I'm sure that, as usual, Walmington will rise to the occasion. 96 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,760 - And bore everybody stiff. - OUT! 97 00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:03,600 I'm sorry, Mr Livings. I cannot let you issue a cheque for £32. 98 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,960 You've only 1/4d in your account! 99 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:13,280 You'd better come in and see me. Thank you. 100 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:18,920 - Ask Mr Wilson to come in, please. - He's not back from lunch yet, sir. 101 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,680 - He's not back from lunch!? - No. 102 00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:29,360 - It's 2:20. Send him in immediately he arrives. - Yes, sir. The 12 o'clock post just arrived. 103 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:37,480 - Someone's playing a joke on Uncle Arthur "The Honourable A. Wilson." - Let me see that. 104 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:42,960 - "The Honourable A. Wilson. Private." - But he's a sergeant! 105 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,960 It's a private letter, stupid boy! 106 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:53,320 - He knows I don't approve of private mail coming through the bank! - KNOCK > 107 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:59,120 Did I leave my bunji here? 108 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:03,360 - Your what? - That rubbing-out thing. 109 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:11,000 - Come in, Wilson. - I left it... - Will you tell your friends to keep their jokes out of my bank? 110 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:18,560 That wretched solicitor! I told him not to use the title on my letters! 111 00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:25,440 - What are you talking about...? - Well, I suppose you were bound to find out. 112 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:30,560 - I haven't finished talking to you! - Oh, haven't you? I'm so sorry. 113 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:35,560 - Are you saying this isn't a joke? - It certainly isn't. 114 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:39,200 You really ARE an Honourable...? 115 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,920 Yes. Silly, isn't it? 116 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,720 Leave the office, Pike. 117 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,400 Perhaps you'd care to explain. 118 00:10:52,400 --> 00:11:00,160 Yes. You see, one of my uncles died so my side of the family moved up one place, so to speak. 119 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,160 So I am now the Honourable. 120 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:12,800 - Bless my soul! - I don't see why it should make a difference to US. 121 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:17,080 You bet your bottom dollar it won't! 122 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:21,120 And where have you been for lunch!? 123 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:24,000 I had a bite at the golf club. 124 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,880 - The golf club!? - Yes. - Who took you!? 125 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:31,080 - I'm a member. - Since when!? 126 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:37,760 When they heard about this title thing, they asked me to join. 127 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:43,320 Oh...! I've been trying for YEARS to get in there! 128 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,880 Yes, they're awfully particular. 129 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,760 You don't even play! 130 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:54,760 No, but I shall enjoy the food. They had smoked salmon today. 131 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,960 Smoked salmon at the golf club! 132 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:03,920 - Know what - I - had for lunch!? - No. - I had a snoek fishcake! 133 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,320 The Honourable Arthur Wilson, eh? 134 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:20,680 - Being a member of the aristocracy explains a lot about your character. - Really? - Oh, yes. 135 00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:25,880 - They're a muddle-headed, ambling lot. - Surely not all of them... 136 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:35,360 - Mum...! They phoned me! You're Honourable! - Mavis... - I KNEW you could do it! 137 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:41,360 - Pike, how dare you use the bank's phone for improper use!? - Sorry... 138 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:48,760 - Will you wear one of those uniforms with velvet knee breeches? - Mavis, don't fuss! 139 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:53,320 - Kindly leave my office! - I'm sorry, 140 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:57,760 but I had to touch that NOBLE face! 141 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:05,200 - Arthur...will it make a difference? - Of course not. Now please go home. 142 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,480 - Go on. - Make a difference to WHAT? 143 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,480 Sorry about that, sir. 144 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:20,840 - Don't apologise. And you're right, it won't make any difference. - No. 145 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:26,080 I'm still the manager and you're still the Chief Clerk. 146 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,080 - So go about your work. - Certainly. 147 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,160 Thank you. 148 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:38,320 - What do you want, Pike? - The Area Manager's on the phone. 149 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:43,560 He's been hanging on while you were talking to Honourable Uncle Arthur. 150 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:54,880 Hello. ..Yes, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. I was in conference with my Chief Clerk. 151 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,800 Yes, that's right, Wilson. 152 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:03,600 Well, as a matter of fact it's the Honourable Arthur Wilson. 153 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:10,480 Yes... Well, I pick my staff very carefully, you know. 154 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:23,400 When I was a regular soldier, we had lots of Honourable officers. At least, they was called that. 155 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:28,320 They used to stand there in a haughty manner. 156 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:33,320 They was good at keeping stiff upper lips. 157 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:41,400 One officer had his head blown off, but his upper lip was as stiff as cardboard. 158 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:47,600 He still calls me Frank, just like he was an ordinary common person. 159 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:55,080 It won't change him. He was a fool before and he's a fool now. 160 00:14:55,080 --> 00:15:00,280 I used to serve a few Honourables in the Army and Navy Stores. 161 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:06,000 The only difference with them was you couldn't get the money. 162 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:15,080 - Right, Corporal. - Right, fall in! Look sharp about it. 163 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,960 Permission to speak, sir? 164 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:23,080 - Sir, would you settle a small technical discussion? - What's that? 165 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:29,400 Is it the Honourable Sergeant Wilson or Sergeant the Honourable Wilson? 166 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:38,040 - I just want to be like an ordinary sergeant. - I'm sure that would suit us ALL. 167 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:46,640 Sir, may I ride the motorcycle instead of Uncle Sergeant the Honourable Arthur? 168 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:52,200 - Certainly not! - I don't mind giving up my turn, sir. 169 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,480 Prefer a Rolls Royce, would you (?) 170 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,440 YOU will ride that motorcycle! 171 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,680 - Sir. - Right! 172 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:08,920 Now, I've been doing some research into the way the Russians show their appreciation. 173 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:16,000 They don't, it seems, cheer as we do, but apparently they do applaud. 174 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,120 So I think that's what we should do. 175 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:27,960 Excuse me, sir. If we're to present and then start applauding, we'll have a lot of blue toes! 176 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:37,200 - I hardly need to be told that. - Why don't we GROUND arms, sir? - I was just about to suggest that! 177 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:42,400 Can we have a practise, then we can all get familiar? 178 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:47,920 Good idea. Patrol, 'SHUN! 179 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,840 Ground arms! 180 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:54,000 ALL: One, two, three, UP! 181 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:59,000 I was waiting for him! 182 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,920 My knees have gone asphyxiated, sir. 183 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:08,360 Applause for the Russian visitor. 184 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:17,800 Stop... Stop it! Walker! This isn't a football match! 185 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:23,840 Start again. Applause...begin. 186 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:34,400 Oh, thank you very much, gentlemen. Can I have a word with you, Captain Mainwaring? 187 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:39,200 - Certainly. Carry on, Wilson. - Yes, right. 188 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:43,160 - Good evening, SIR. - Nice to see you. 189 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:48,200 - Go through the whole manoeuvre three or four times. - Yes, sir. 190 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:56,760 - How can I help you, Mr Town Clerk? - I hope you won't take this amiss. 191 00:17:56,760 --> 00:18:01,720 We feel that since Mr Wilson came into a title, 192 00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:09,640 and there aren't any other titled people in Walmington, well... we feel HE should present the key. 193 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,080 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 194 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,800 I couldn't possibly allow that. 195 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:24,360 - The Mayor hoped you wouldn't take it the wrong way. - Tell the Mayor and his Corporation 196 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:27,360 that I'm not taking it AT ALL! 197 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:33,880 - This interview is at an end. - If that's how you feel... - I do! 198 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,760 Damned impertinence! 199 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:43,320 Ah, I've altered the drill a little bit. 200 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:47,360 What do you think? Russians, welcome. 201 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,720 All right! 202 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:59,000 - That's enough. Wilson, when I want you to rewrite the drill book, I'll let you know. - Sir... 203 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,040 The part where I present the key... 204 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:05,560 - PHONE RINGS - Answer that, Pike. 205 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:12,640 Captain, why are YOU presenting the key? I think the Honourable should do it. 206 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,880 No, I don't agree... 207 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,720 It's a good thing to have a change. 208 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:27,800 Although Sergeant Wilson has three stripes on his Honourable arm, 209 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:32,960 you've got three pips on your common shoulder. 210 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:39,880 So, although you're more common than he is, you've got better insignia. 211 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,920 And THAT is the status quo. 212 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:50,600 Finished (?) Now listen to me. I... 213 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,800 Excuse me, my lord. 214 00:19:56,160 --> 00:20:00,920 - Can the vicar have an audience? - What's going on!? 215 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:06,960 I wondered if the Honourable Arthur would join the Church Council. 216 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:14,840 - And would he approve a crest for his own private pew? - I'm in the middle of a parade! 217 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:19,480 It's the Civil Defence Authority. It's urgent. 218 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:26,880 Take over, Corporal. Wilson, come with me. I don't trust you! I'll deal with YOU later. 219 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:33,000 - It was awfully nice of you to ask, but it's rather awkward... - Wilson! 220 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,280 - Come with me! - I...I'm coming. 221 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,000 Get out of the way! 222 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,560 Mainwaring here. 223 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:53,160 - I represent the Breakaway Committee. - Breakaway from WHAT? - From YOU! 224 00:20:53,160 --> 00:21:00,080 We want the Honourable Arthur to present that key! 225 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:09,160 Hold on a minute... Wilson, tell this man once and for all you are not presenting the key! 226 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:15,640 - Aren't I? - Tell him! - Right... I am NOT presenting the key. 227 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:22,720 Good day, Hodges! You've engineered all this, haven't you! 228 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,760 I wish it had never happened! 229 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:31,000 I didn't ask to join the golf club. I'm now getting begging letters. 230 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:38,560 Mrs Pike wants me to buy a pipe, a tweed hat and a Labrador! Life isn't worth living! 231 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:43,720 Don't give me all that soft soap! You're revelling in it! 232 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:52,280 If I had a title I'd be on the board, not managing some tinpot branch with a crackpot clerk! 233 00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:58,760 - Remember Jones' words! - Which particular words? 234 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:04,120 I've got three of THESE and you've got three of THOSE! 235 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:11,280 I'M going to present that key and YOU'LL ride that motorbike! 236 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:16,080 And I'll tell you when you can smoke! 237 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:24,280 There you are, with nearly a full tank. 238 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:29,440 - If he falls off and breaks his leg, can I have it for a bit? - Be quiet! 239 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,040 - Where is he? - Getting ready. 240 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,280 Blimey, Amy Johnson! 241 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,920 Right, get him on. 242 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:49,360 - You've time for an hour's spin before the ceremony. - Wouldn't ten minutes be enough? 243 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:52,280 Just get on with it. 244 00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:57,440 - ENGINE FAILS - Do it again. 245 00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,000 ENGINE STARTS 246 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:04,400 Squeeze the clutch with your left hand, 247 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,680 kick the gear with your right foot, 248 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:15,320 then rev up with your right hand by doing this sort of motion THRUM-THRUM, THRUM-THRUM. 249 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:20,320 Then release the clutch as if you was unsqueezing a lemon. 250 00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:35,880 - Sir, should I follow on a bicycle with this? - No, it's time he learned to fend for himself. 251 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,960 You silly man! 252 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:17,880 WARDEN BARKS INSTRUCTIONS 253 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:25,800 - If you've killed Uncle Arthur, Mum'll never forgive you. - Silence! - It's not like him not to phone. 254 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:31,040 - Everything ready? - Of course. It will all go like clockwork. 255 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:39,080 - I hope I didn't offend you by suggesting the Honourable Arthur do this? - I'm not a vindictive man. 256 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:46,720 - Where is Wilson? - He hasn't finished his motorcycle training yet. He's not 100 per cent reliable. 257 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:54,360 - Who'll command the platoon while you perform the ceremony? - Corporal Jones. - Will he be all right? - Oh, yes, yes. 258 00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:57,320 That looks like the staff car now. > 259 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,200 STAND BY! 260 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:04,320 BAND PLAYS "THE RED FLAG" 261 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:09,680 WORDS INAUDIBLE 262 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,760 Wait till the car door opens. 263 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:19,440 PLATOON, 'SHUN! 264 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,600 Nurses, 'SHUN! 265 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,080 GROUND ARMS! 266 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,720 One, two, three, UP! 267 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:41,400 Clapping the Russian visitors, BEGIN! 268 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:50,880 "THE RED FLAG" 269 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,840 Not you! 270 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:30,000 All right! I say! That's enough! ..Thank you. 271 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:39,320 Pray silence for His Worship the Mayor of Walmington-on-Sea. 272 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,800 He's promised to be brief. 273 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:49,080 Mr Vladislovski, on behalf of Walmington-on-Sea, welcome. 274 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,800 He's kept his promise. 275 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:58,960 TRANSLATION INTO RUSSIAN 276 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:07,120 Mr Vladislovski, you and I are comrades in the common struggle, 277 00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:10,240 even though we live poles apart. 278 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:13,360 He had to mention the Poles (!) 279 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:18,400 - We welcome you... - TRANSLATION... 280 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,680 Just...just a moment, please! 281 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,040 We are proud to give you this key, 282 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:31,080 which symbolises the freedom of Walmington-on-Sea. 283 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,040 TRANSLATION 284 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:42,320 SHE TRANSLATES HIS SPEECH: I represent the workers of the Soviet Union. 285 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:44,640 Hear hear! 286 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:54,040 You who are sitting here are not workers. You have soft faces. 287 00:27:56,160 --> 00:28:02,920 Your hands are soft. You are bourgeois middle class. 288 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,040 Damned cheek! 289 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,720 You are giving me honours. 290 00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:20,160 Honour your own workers! 291 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:27,640 I say...! You don't understand...! 292 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,680 Play! 293 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:35,040 BAND PLAYS "THE RED FLAG" 294 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:41,040 SPEAKS FONDLY IN RUSSIAN 295 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:47,240 Here is a man in the uniform not of an imperialist, but of a worker! 296 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,320 I'm so sorry I'm late, sir. 297 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:58,520 He has the dirt of a worker on his hands, the sweat of a worker on his brow. 298 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,360 HE shall have your honour! 299 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,720 Thank you! Very kind of you, sir. 300 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,360 SHUT UP!! 301 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,960 Subtitles by BBC