1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:07,280 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 2 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:11,560 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:16,040 # We are the boys who will stop your little game 4 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:22,440 # We are the boys who will make you think again 5 00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:27,600 # Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 6 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:31,360 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:37,120 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21 8 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:41,560 # But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun 9 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:46,720 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 10 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:51,360 # If you think old England's done? # 11 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:58,440 Right, men. This is top secret. Put the blackouts up. 12 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,880 Woods, Meadows, 13 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:05,400 stand guard outside the main door there and don't let anybody in. 14 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,800 I don't care who it is, right? 15 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:17,160 - All clear out there, Hancock? - All clear, sir. - Good. 16 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,240 Right, Jones. All clear. 17 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,560 Right, sir. Come on, lads. 18 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,080 BELLS JANGLE 19 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:42,040 Excellent, men. Very good turnout. 20 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,400 Sir, aren't you going to wear your attire? 21 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,960 No, not for just now. I shall just wear the hat. 22 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,680 Now, the reason I have taken 23 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:57,000 all these pains to keep this matter a secret 24 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:02,040 is because nobody must see this dance until it is perfect. 25 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:06,560 Otherwise, we might look like a bunch of idiots. 26 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:12,560 Captain Mainwaring, I want a word wi' ye. 27 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:16,600 I've got to tell you, sir, that as a Scot, 28 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:23,280 I feel a right Jessie dressed up in this pansy Sassenach get-up! 29 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,360 It's frightfully difficult getting about like this. 30 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,040 It really is most awkward. 31 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:37,840 - You'll soon get used to it. - Will I? 32 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:42,960 Mr Wilson isn't as other men. His legs point in the wrong direction. 33 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,880 What's the matter with them? 34 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:50,320 - Do try and sort yourself out. - Well, I haven't done it before. 35 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:56,080 - Thank you so much. - There you are. 36 00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:00,120 - Now, as you can see... - Sorry, sir. 37 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:05,360 As you know, we're only £2,000 off our target... 38 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:06,880 which is to buy a Spitfire. 39 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:09,600 And during this week, during the coming week, 40 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:15,640 the people of Walmington will be doing their utmost to raise this. 41 00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:20,440 The climax is the procession on Saturday, when we'll do our dance. 42 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:23,320 Sergeant Wilson will collect money. 43 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:27,760 I don't like the idea of asking strangers for money. 44 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:33,440 It's perfectly simple. Gallop the horse. Make it look lifelike. 45 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:37,200 That's right. And you make jocular remarks. 46 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,760 I see. 47 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,080 What sort of jocular remarks? 48 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:48,960 Try...um..."Har, har, har. Give till it hurts, har, har, har." Try that. 49 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,960 - IN A FLAT VOICE: - Ha, ha, ha. Give till it hurts. 50 00:03:55,360 --> 00:04:00,120 If we want to collect £2,000, he'll have to be more jocular than that! 51 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:04,920 He could say, "We need Spitfires to beat the Hun - 52 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,720 "put money in my mouth and it goes to my tum." 53 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:12,080 Rubbish! All he's got to do is wave his stick and say, 54 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,200 "Give us your money or I'll bash your head in!" 55 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,640 All right, now let's form up. 56 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:22,000 Private Sponge, give the instruction book to Sergeant Wilson. 57 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,160 Now, where did we get to last time? 58 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,920 I was having trouble whiffling, sir. 59 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:37,000 Ah, whiffling. It's important that you understand this. 60 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,800 Read that bit out, Wilson. 61 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,880 Just a minute, sir. Here we are. Whiffling. 62 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:49,840 "The movement of the whiffling stick is to frighten away evil spirits." 63 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:56,720 - Away from what, Mr Mainwaring? - This is a fertility dance, Pike. 64 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,600 I don't think my sister Dolly would approve. 65 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,680 Ah, you silly old duffer. 66 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:06,520 It's to encourage the crops to grow. 67 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:10,880 It's danced every year by the young, fertile men of the village. 68 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:12,920 It's not much good us doing it! 69 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,080 You speak for yourself! 70 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,920 All right, that'll do. 71 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,320 Permission to speak, sir. 72 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:27,520 - I do not wish to stand opposite Frazer when he's whiffling. - Why not? 73 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:31,960 I've faced Whirling Dervishes and I've faced charging Fuzzy Wuzzies, 74 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:37,120 but I don't want to face him. He's got a mad look in his eye. 75 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,520 Mad? Mad! 76 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,800 My eyes are perfectly sane! 77 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:46,600 Captain Mainwaring, would you say I had mad eyes? 78 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,680 Well...no...not really mad. 79 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,240 There! 80 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:56,840 Just before we start, we'd better check that the bells are all right. 81 00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:59,520 Right, left leg first. 82 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,440 Right leg. 83 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,160 Is that the best you can do? 84 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,120 A touch of rheumatism, I'm afraid. 85 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:14,120 - So sorry, sir. I beg your pardon. - DO try and control that animal! 86 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,400 He's not used to this type of work. 87 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,920 Right. From the top. Private Day. 88 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:28,520 - CONCERTINA PLAYS - One, two, three, four, five, six... 89 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,400 Back! 90 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,400 Forward! 91 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,840 Round! 92 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:39,600 Turn! 93 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:42,400 Whiffling! 94 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,400 - Beansprout! - WHOOH! 95 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:50,720 WHOOH! 96 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,400 WHOOH! 97 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,480 WHOOH! 98 00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:59,200 Watch what you're doing! 99 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,160 APPLAUSE 100 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,840 That was very good indeed. 101 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,920 Right, take a break and change into your uniforms. 102 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:19,320 JONES MOUTHS SILENTLY 103 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,040 Jones. Jones. Jones! 104 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:28,280 What's all this nonsense about Frazer hitting you with his stick? 105 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,280 That's not like you. 106 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:35,120 I know it isn't. I can't hide it, I'm in a highly nervous state. 107 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:39,240 - Have you got trouble at home? - No, it's trouble away from home. 108 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:43,360 - You'd better come in the office. - Thank you, sir. 109 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:50,480 - Could Mr Wilson come too, sir? - Why? - He's a man of the world. - Very well. 110 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,000 - Wilson? - Yes, sir? - Office. 111 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:55,920 Do you want me to walk or gallop? 112 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,840 Just come in the office, will you! 113 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:11,200 That's very kind of you. 114 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,240 Now, Jones... 115 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,600 Get this thing off my desk! 116 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,560 I'm terribly sorry, sir. It sort of sticks out. 117 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,600 Jones? 118 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,600 - It's rather delicate. It's Mrs Fox. - Mrs Fox? 119 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:32,200 Yes. She's a widow lady, and we have an arrangement. 120 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,080 We've been walking out. 121 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,880 Walking where? 122 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:38,680 Well, all over the place. 123 00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:43,120 I go round to her place with a couple of chops, 124 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,440 she cooks, and we eat them together. 125 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:51,360 There's nothing between Mrs Fox and me. It's purely Teutonic. 126 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:58,240 I go round on a Saturday night, we listen to In Town Tonight, 127 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:02,600 and when the announcer says, "Carry on, London," I go home. 128 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,840 I don't see what this has got to do with me. 129 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:12,800 - Recently, you see, her affection has been taken by another. - Who? 130 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,560 Mr Gordon, the Town Clerk. 131 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:18,640 What? Not that silly, bald-headed old duffer? 132 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,080 I don't mean he's a bald-headed old duffer 133 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,920 just because he's got a bald head! 134 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:28,800 He'd be a silly duffer WITH hair. 135 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,480 - A full head of hair... - Yes, all right, all right. 136 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:44,320 - Everybody knows he's a roue and a philanthropist! - What can I do? 137 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,400 I want you to speak to her, sir. 138 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,160 I couldn't possibly do that. 139 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:53,680 Yes, you must. You must. Here's her telephone number. 140 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:58,200 - Don't go spreading it around, mind. - But I... 141 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,280 You must, otherwise I shall be a broken man, 142 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:05,760 and what good is a broken Lance Corporal? 143 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:10,480 - Oh, dear. What are you going to do? - I don't know. 144 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,560 I suppose I could ring her up. 145 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:17,800 Perhaps I ought to point out to her what sort of a chap this Clerk is. 146 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:21,840 I'll give her a ring later and arrange to see her. 147 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,360 Godfrey? Is that you, son? 148 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,880 Yes, I was just having my hot milk. 149 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:37,760 It has happened. I knew it would one day. 150 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,480 What? 151 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:44,920 It's Mainwaring. He's succumbed to the lure of the flesh. 152 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:49,320 Did you hear what I said? The flesh. The flesh! 153 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:54,840 I wish you wouldn't keep repeating that word. My sister Dolly may hear. 154 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,160 Besides, I don't believe a word. 155 00:10:57,160 --> 00:11:00,960 I tell you, I heard it with my own ears. 156 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:06,800 I happened to be passing the office and I heard him speaking to a woman. 157 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,160 Who? 158 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:13,680 Mrs Fox, that fine big widow woman! 159 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,360 But Mr Mainwaring is a pillar of respectability. 160 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,720 Men like him are the worst! 161 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:23,200 Looking down their noses at other folk, 162 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:29,560 and all the time deep inside, lust, lust, sheer naked lust! 163 00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:32,000 I tell you, the fires of hell 164 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:37,600 are lying in wait for him! He's doomed, DOOMED! 165 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,360 It's nonsense. 166 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,360 Nonsense?! 167 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:46,680 Listen, I heard him arrange to meet this woman at the Marigold Tea Rooms 168 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,560 tomorrow morning at 10:30. 169 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,880 Why don't you go and see yourself? 170 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,960 I will, to prove that you're wrong! 171 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,200 Right, I'll meet you there. 172 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:01,440 And don't forget it's your turn to pay for the coffee. 173 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:10,360 Hello, hello? Pikey, I must speak to you, boy. It's very important. 174 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:16,600 I want to know what time Captain Mainwaring has his morning coffee. 175 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:21,560 10:30 every morning at the Marigold Tea Rooms. Why? 176 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:26,960 My information is that he's meeting a certain lady there. 177 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:31,560 Mr Mainwaring doesn't know "certain ladies". He's married. 178 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:36,520 Well, she's not so much a lady as kind of a...big... 179 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,680 ..oooh...ah ha... 180 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:43,000 I write this gossip column for the Eastbourne Gazette 181 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,360 called Whispers from Walmington. 182 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,320 I can see the headlines now. 183 00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:54,280 A local bank manager's name linked with a certain widow. 184 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,400 No, you must have it all wrong. 185 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:02,360 My information is that he's besotted with her, boy, besotted! 186 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:05,360 What, like in that film "Rain?" 187 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:08,080 There was this clergyman, you see, 188 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:11,680 and he was besotted with a girl named Sadie Thompson. 189 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:15,440 Being a clergyman, he wasn't allowed to be besotted. 190 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:19,040 In the end, he walked into the sea. 191 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:22,640 You don't think that Mr Mainwaring will walk into the sea? 192 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,880 He'll have a long walk, the tide's out tomorrow morning. 193 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:34,800 Captain Mainwaring is a perfectly respectable married man. 194 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,360 You know your trouble, Godfrey? 195 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:42,920 You live in a dream world of your own. I tell you... 196 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,480 I'd hoped the place would be empty. 197 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:54,040 Don't worry, sir. Nobody will know why you're meeting Mrs Fox. 198 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,840 It doesn't do for a man in my position to be seen in public 199 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,320 with a flashy woman like Mrs Fox. 200 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:06,760 In a small town like this, tongues wag, tongues wag. 201 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,880 Nobody will pay any attention. 202 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,640 Now, where shall we sit? 203 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,440 - I'm going to sit over here. - I see. 204 00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:25,720 You go and sit on your own. 205 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:32,880 - Psst. Mr Mainwaring. - Good morning. 206 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,000 - Jones? - Don't give me away, sir. 207 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:43,240 - Why are you dressed like that? - I'm heavily disguised. 208 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:48,480 Yoo-hoo! Mr Mainwaring! 209 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:53,320 Morning, Mr Frazer, Mr Godfrey. 210 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,920 Hello, Mr Wilson. 211 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,160 - I'm ever so sorry I'm late. - Please... 212 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:02,840 - I'm not usually late when I meet a gentleman friend, but... - Sit down. 213 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,080 - Please sit down! - Thank you. 214 00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:09,400 See that, Godfrey. The way he manhandled her! 215 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,240 Well, this is cosy. 216 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,480 - Good morning. - Two coffees, please. 217 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,840 No coffee with Mr Wilson today? 218 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:35,800 No. I'm...I'm having this lady with my coffee... I mean...er... 219 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,160 I see(!) 220 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,680 The reason I asked you to meet me 221 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,960 is to... 222 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:53,560 - What do you want, Pike? - Excuse me, but Mrs Mainwaring's on the phone. 223 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:58,440 Oh. Right. Tell her I'll ring back later, will you? 224 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:02,040 Ring back later, right. 225 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:05,120 What is it now? 226 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:15,200 - Good morning, Mrs Fox. - Hello, dear. - It's nice to see you. 227 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,920 Get out, Pike. 228 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,360 Bye-bye, dear. 229 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:29,280 Mrs Fox, the reason I asked you to meet me here 230 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,600 was to discuss a rather delicate matter. 231 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:37,480 - Yes? - I find these affairs of the emotions very embarrassing. 232 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:41,520 You don't need to be shy with me. 233 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:47,360 The point is, Mrs Fox, you're a very attractive woman. 234 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,280 - And I... - Two coffees. 235 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,920 What was I saying? 236 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,800 You were saying how attractive I was. 237 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:07,160 Oh, yes...which indeed you are. Particularly to older men. 238 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,960 You're very attractive, too. 239 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:14,440 - That's got nothing to do with it. - But you are. You ARE. 240 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,800 Yes, well, we won't argue about it. 241 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:23,840 The point is, Mrs Fox, 242 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:28,880 you have had Mr Jones as an admirer for some time now, 243 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,680 and now you have another. 244 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,840 Mr Mainwaring! 245 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:39,520 Oh! 246 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,600 See! See there, Godfrey. 247 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:46,280 For goodness' sake, they're playing handy-pandy! 248 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,880 I think we'd better go. 249 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,880 No, man. 250 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:58,040 Being a public figure, I expect this admirer is of great attraction. 251 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,160 Oh, he is. He IS. 252 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,760 Yes. 253 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:08,160 Whereas Jones is just a simple butcher. 254 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,040 But he's a fine figure of a man, 255 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:15,480 Mrs Fox, a full head of fine, distinguished grey hair. 256 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:21,600 While your new admirer, not to put too fine a point on it, is bald. 257 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:26,520 Mr Mainwaring, you know what they say about bald-headed men? 258 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,000 No, what do they say? 259 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:34,640 - Well... - The thing is, Mrs Fox, 260 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:39,200 Jones is a loyal member of my platoon, and I don't want him hurt. 261 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:43,200 - We won't hurt him, Mr Mainwaring. - WE? 262 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,400 He can have Mondays and Saturdays 263 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,680 and you can have Tuesdays and Fridays. 264 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,000 I'm talking about Mr Gordon, the Town Clerk! 265 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,480 He can have Wednesdays. 266 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:07,600 - What do you want now, Pike? - Sorry, but Mrs Mainwaring's on the phone. 267 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:11,360 I said you were having coffee with Mrs Fox, but she still wants you. 268 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:20,640 You stupid boy. 269 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,760 I tell you, I've never been so shocked in my life. 270 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:36,400 That woman, that frightful woman, really thought I had amorous ideas. 271 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,960 How awfully embarrassing for you. 272 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,560 And when my wife rang up, 273 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:44,880 that stupid boy Pike told her I was having coffee with Mrs Fox. 274 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,800 All hell broke loose. 275 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:52,760 Elizabeth wouldn't listen. Look what she did to my tie. 276 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,000 She rang the bank twelve times today. 277 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:08,560 - If she rings tonight, tell her I'm not here. - All right. 278 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,280 - Good evening. - Evening, Jonesy. 279 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,120 Thank you for talking to Mrs Fox. 280 00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:21,920 - I'm sure it had an effect. - It certainly had. 281 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:27,160 Captain Mainwaring, we can't get into the hall, 282 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,920 the door's locked. 283 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,960 Mr Hodges told us to go away. 284 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:37,880 Right, you can come out now. Line up. 285 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,640 That's it. There we are. Very nice. 286 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,960 That's it. There we are then. 287 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,360 What do you think, Mr Town Clerk? 288 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,520 Oh, they're very nice, they are. 289 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:54,080 We've got to choose one of you 290 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:57,560 to play Lady Godiva in the procession. 291 00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:02,240 - Can we see the first one? - Certainly. On the horse, dear. 292 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,680 Jones, I want you to show the men 293 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:11,440 how to strip down the Lewis gun in two minutes. I shall time you. 294 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:19,960 - Uncle Arthur. - What is it? - The hall is full of naked ladies. 295 00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:24,520 Don't be silly, Frank. Pay attention to the lecture. 296 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:27,920 - It is! Come and have a look yourself. - Good Lord. What next? 297 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,440 Good heavens! 298 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:36,600 Shall we tell Mr Mainwaring? PHONE RINGS 299 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,760 - Answer the phone, Wilson. - Yes, of course. 300 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:46,720 - Hurry, you've only got 30 seconds. - Hello, yes. Just hold on a minute. 301 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,680 It's Mrs Mainwaring, sir. 302 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:52,960 I'm out. 303 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:58,280 - I'm sorry, I'm afraid he's gone out. - Yoo-hoo! Mr Mainwaring, I'm here! 304 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:04,320 How dare you burst in on one of my lectures. 305 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:08,360 I'm sorry. I was just on my way to the hall. 306 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:11,000 Excuse me, boys. 307 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,440 Mr Gordon! Let me in. 308 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,880 It's only little me. 309 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:21,320 Good evening, my dear, come in. 310 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:26,120 Mr Mainwaring, stop him, stop him! What's he doing in there? 311 00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:29,760 - Mr Mainwaring...? - I don't know, Jones, but I intend to find out. 312 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:40,440 - What's the meaning of this? - Buzz off, Napoleon. 313 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,200 I'm appalled, Vicar. 314 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,920 Wilson. Wilson! Don't stare at the girls. 315 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:47,840 - Get them covered. - What with? 316 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,000 Come away. 317 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,920 All this fuss over a few silly girls! 318 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:57,080 If the vicar wants girls, that's his affair. 319 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:02,560 Mr Gordon, shall I go and change into my swimming costume now? 320 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,680 I don't think I could stand the shock! 321 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,480 Of course. 322 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,480 He's doing it again. Stop him! 323 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:15,720 All right, Jones. Be quiet. I demand an explanation. 324 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:20,920 Keep your hair on! We're choosing a Lady Godiva for the procession. 325 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:26,440 - Lady Godiva? - Yeah, and it's better than your silly Morris dancing! 326 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,240 Our dancing is not silly! 327 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:34,320 Is one of these girls going to ride naked through Walmington? 328 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:38,760 Yes, it's a tribute to the brave city of Coventry. 329 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:44,720 The girl won't be bare, of course, she'll wear fleshings. 330 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:46,160 Fleshings? 331 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:51,400 It's quite all right, sir. They're all-over body tights. 332 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:54,400 We're not living in Victorian times! 333 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,600 Mr Gordon, might I have a word? 334 00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,320 Certainly, my dear. 335 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,760 He's doing it again. Stop him! 336 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,240 All right! Look here, Mr Gordon... 337 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:09,960 Just a moment, Mainwaring. I think we have the solution. 338 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:14,320 You don't want a young girl to be Lady Godiva. 339 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,720 It's just been pointed out to me 340 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:22,560 that Lady Godiva Leofric was a woman of more mature years. 341 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:24,920 So in the course of historical accuracy, 342 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:30,800 I suggest that Lady Godiva should be Mrs Fox. 343 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,480 Quiet, please! Quiet! 344 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,360 Mrs Fox will be quite respectable, 345 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:40,400 covered from top to toe 346 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:44,800 in fleshings, and wearing a wig of long, golden tresses. 347 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:48,360 You'll never cover her up with long, golden tresses... 348 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,520 ..you'd need a bell tent! 349 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,840 Yes, Elizabeth. 350 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,360 No, Elizabeth. 351 00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:08,560 I had nothing to do with the choice of Mrs Fox as Lady Godiva. 352 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:12,640 No, dear. Yes, dear. 353 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,880 It was the Town Clerk who decided 354 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,960 she should be played by someone more mature... 355 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:24,200 Somebody of rather more ample proportions. 356 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:30,880 Yes, I know that you have more ample proportions than Mrs Fox... 357 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:34,640 but you're not Lady Godiva, are you? 358 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,240 Hello? Hello? Hello? 359 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,440 Just chatting to the little woman. 360 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,720 - I see. What little woman? - My wife! 361 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:59,240 I've lost her! Since the Town Clerk asked Mrs Fox to be Lady Godiva 362 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,720 her head's been turned right round! 363 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,760 I'm sorry. 364 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:09,280 This is what comes of women interfering in men's affairs. 365 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,160 The platoon's been knocked sideways. 366 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:15,040 Mum, we're about to go on parade! 367 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:19,680 Go away, Frank. Evening, Captain Mainwaring. 368 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:23,160 What's this about Mrs Fox playing Lady Godiva? 369 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,680 - It's nothing to do with me. - You were there! 370 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:30,960 What? Yes...I was. I was standing around. 371 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:35,800 - A woman like Mrs Fox? - Yes. - I'm much slimmer than she is. 372 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,920 - I mean what's wrong with my figure? - What? Er...nothing, nothing at all. 373 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,480 You don't want to play Lady Godiva. 374 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:49,120 - I'd like to have been asked! - Consider the effect on your son. 375 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:57,480 His mother, riding through the streets, clad only in... 376 00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:59,760 Fleshings! 377 00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,120 Now... 378 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,680 are we ready, men? 379 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,720 When the... 380 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,440 When the procession has gone past, 381 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,320 Jones will open the door, 382 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:25,720 we will burst out on to the street and start our dance. 383 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:29,960 - Mr Mainwaring, the procession's coming now. - Good, good. Stand by. 384 00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:37,400 - Put that horse away! - It's frightfully heavy. - Come along. 385 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,440 - Rest it on here. - KNOCK ON DOOR 386 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:47,160 There's someone at the door. Don't they know we're closed? I'm coming! 387 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:52,520 Wilson, I want you to collect as much money as you possibly can. 388 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:55,200 Mr Jones! Mr Jones! 389 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,280 Mrs Fox, what's the matter? 390 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:01,720 - It was terrible. - Don't upset yourself, 391 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:06,800 you're with your little Jack now. What happened? 392 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:10,280 - What happened? - Well, I went to one of the rooms 393 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:12,520 in the Town Hall to change, 394 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:15,480 I put my wig and fleshings on a chair 395 00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:17,560 and went out of the room for a minute, 396 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:21,840 and when I came back they were gone. Gone! 397 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,320 GONE! 398 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:30,120 What a pity. We're not going to see Lady Godiva after all. 399 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:33,200 It's up to us now, men. 400 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,720 There IS a Lady Godiva. 401 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,440 - Good Lord, it's not Mavis, is it? - I wish you'd control that woman. 402 00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,800 Don't look, don't look, sir. Whatever you do, don't look! 403 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,520 It IS Mrs Mainwaring! 404 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,600 Oh, Mr Mainwaring, speak to me! 405 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:12,120 Come round, come round! Poor man, he'll never get over the shock! 406 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:15,520 No...and neither will the horse!