1 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:07,440 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 2 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,880 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:17,240 # We are the boys who will stop your little game 4 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:21,960 # We are the boys who will make you think again 5 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:27,000 # Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 6 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:31,760 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:36,320 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8.21 8 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:41,000 # But he comes home each evening and he's ready with his gun 9 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:46,440 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler 10 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:50,480 # If you think old England's done? # 11 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:59,000 Good evening, sir. 12 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:03,760 Don't sit in my chair when I'm not here, Wilson. 13 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:08,080 Sorry, sir. I was just writing out a notice. 14 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:15,200 - That's neither here nor there. Don't sit at my desk. - What am I supposed to lean on? 15 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:19,360 Use your initiative and write on your knee. 16 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:27,040 - Did I give you permission to sit? - Sorry, sir. - You ARE a soldier. 17 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:32,160 - Of course, yes. - I am an officer, and you're supposed to be an NCO. 18 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,640 - Of course. - Very well... 19 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,360 There, you see, sir. 20 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:48,200 This was the notice I was writing. 21 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,720 "Do not lean back in this chair." 22 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:58,680 There was a phone message for you. The French General is coming. 23 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:05,600 - Who says so? - The Colonel. It's here somewhere. "The visit is confirmed. 24 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:10,920 "A Home Guard unit is to provide a guard of honour at the Town Hall." 25 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:17,920 I hope they don't pick us. Don't they realise we're frontline troops? 26 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:21,680 Anyway, I was never very keen on the French. 27 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:27,160 - They're very good soldiers. - Only up to a point. 28 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:32,800 - They're not much good after lunch. - Oh, really? 29 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:37,240 Wine and garlic are very debilitating. 30 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,960 All they do is chase women. "Come with me to the Casbah." 31 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,640 They are rather emotional, sir. 32 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:52,560 They go in for sloppy kissing. They even kiss at medal ceremonies. 33 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:57,840 - If you were picked as guard commander, you'd get one. - A medal? 34 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:02,840 - No, a kiss. - I wouldn't stand for any of that sort of thing. 35 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,880 - KNOCK AT DOOR - Come in. 36 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:10,920 Captain Mainwaring, there is a lady outside who wishes an audience. 37 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:19,360 When I say a lady, I don't mean she's a woman, although of course she is a woman. 38 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:24,360 - She rejoices under the name of Lady Maltby. - What does she want? 39 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:29,400 She didn't give me any confidence. Lords and Ladies seldom do. 40 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:36,520 - When we were in the Sudan, Lord Kitchener never gave any of us any confidence. - Show her in. 41 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:43,040 - Fasten your collar up. - Right, sir. 42 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:49,000 When her Ladyship enters, leave. She'll want to deal with an officer. 43 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,480 Her Ladyship, the Lady Maltby. 44 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:58,600 - This is indeed an honour. I'm Captain Mainwaring. - I've heard of you. 45 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,600 This is my Sergeant. He's just going. 46 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:08,240 - Arthur, how nice to see you. - My dear Angela, you look... 47 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:15,360 My goodness me! You look absolutely marvellous. It really is good to see you. 48 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:21,360 She's certainly got confidence in Mr Wilson. They've met before. 49 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,040 I seem to know your face. 50 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:31,480 I've been purveying meat to your establishment since his Lordship fell out with Sainsbury's. 51 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:39,120 Of course! You're Mr Jones. They'll be one book extra this week. My son is home on leave. 52 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:44,200 - I've got some nice chops. - Talk it over with the cook. 53 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:50,720 - I'm sure we can get our heads together. You rely on me... - Jones, that'll do, thank you. 54 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,760 Sir. 55 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:09,320 - Arthur, it is nice to see you again. - Yes, of course it is. So Nigel's coming home. 56 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:16,320 - How is he? - He got married. - Did he really? Of course he did. Auntie Lettice told me. 57 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:23,360 - And now he's in the Blues. - Is he really? My grandfather was in the Blues. 58 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:28,880 - He was in the Khyber Pass... - Lady Maltby hasn't come here to talk to you. 59 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:34,040 Forgive us, but it's ages since Arthur and I had a chinwag. 60 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:38,280 - Do sit down. - Actually, I came here about my car. 61 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:41,680 - Yes? - I can't get any petrol for it. 62 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:48,920 I thought somebody ought to use it towards the war effort. I'll have it back when we've won. 63 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,840 What sort of car is it? 64 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:54,520 Oh, just an ordinary sort of Rolls. 65 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,440 Oh! 66 00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:02,120 - Would the Home Guard or the Wardens put it to best use? - The Home Guard. 67 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:07,160 I'm so glad you think that. Mr Hodges is awfully common. 68 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:14,880 Of course, I know Mr Jones, and Arthur is such a darling. I'm sure you're very nice, too. 69 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,920 Yes. 70 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,880 We'd look after it most carefully. 71 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:25,840 My men are very reliable. They are all hand-picked. 72 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:33,600 Hey! They're all lined up out here waiting, and if you don't come soon, we're all off home. 73 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,280 I thought you'd like to know. 74 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:48,080 Rough diamond, that one. Just the chap to have on your side in a scrap. 75 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:53,520 - What would you do with a Rolls? - It would be my staff car. 76 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:59,440 - But it's also shiny and Rolls-Roycey. - Camouflage it. 77 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:05,360 - There you are. - But wouldn't a huge, great, big Rolls-Royce look silly? 78 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:10,640 - How do you mean? - I suppose we could sit you on a cushion. 79 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,560 Sorry I'm late. 80 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:23,920 - A horse went down the street, so I brought you some for your roses. - Get out! 81 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,080 Take it away! 82 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,640 I'll leave it in the back. 83 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:35,520 BUCKET CRASHES 84 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,680 A new recruit. We haven't licked him into shape. 85 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:47,760 I'll ask Glossip to drive it round on Saturday morning. 86 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:54,800 - That's very generous. - You've been a brick, Angie. - Pop round for a drink. - I'd love to. 87 00:07:54,800 --> 00:08:00,680 - Ask Captain Fanshawe. - Mainwaring. I shall be delighted. Thank you. 88 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:05,240 - Ask Captain Mainwaring to let you off. - Delighted. 89 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,440 - See you soon. - Yes. - Goodbye. 90 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,720 She's awfully sweet, don't you think? 91 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:17,120 - I think it's pathetic. - Oh, why? Why? 92 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:23,920 - You kowtowing to her just because she's got a title. - I wasn't kowtowing. 93 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:28,880 It cuts no ice with me. Tell that to your Auntie Lettice. 94 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:34,560 - Where is he? You've done it! - How dare you barge in here? 95 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:38,280 You put her off giving me that car. 96 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:43,960 We haven't put her off at all. It's just that we know her socially. 97 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:50,240 We're providing half the guard of honour for the French General. 98 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:56,800 - I hope you're not providing the other half. - If you're going to be there, I shall refuse to parade. 99 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,640 Just watch it and mind your step. 100 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:06,680 If I see any light from this hall, or if you leave your bicycle without immobilising it, I'll have you. 101 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:10,800 - I haven't got a bicycle. - Then you'd better immobilise your crutches! 102 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,640 He's the most appalling fellow. 103 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:23,600 He's no business to be Chief Warden. The man's a greengrocer. 104 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:31,000 - So was Lord Maltby. - Really? In a big way, I suppose? - Yes. 105 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:35,520 It's not what or who you know. It's how much of it you have. 106 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:39,040 We'll have no bolshie talk here. 107 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,520 Go and fall the men in. 108 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:45,120 Yes, sir. All right, chaps, fall in. 109 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:49,760 Three nice, tidy, little rows. Come on. 110 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,440 Quick as you can. 111 00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,480 Squad, squad...shun. 112 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,280 Stand at ease! 113 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:09,800 I'm proud to announce that we have an addition to our battle fleet. 114 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,320 It's a Rolls-Royce staff car. 115 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:19,240 - Can I drive it, Mr Mainwaring? - Certainly not. - Bags I first ride in it. - Be quiet, Pike. 116 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,280 A Rolls-Royce is very comfortable. 117 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:23,760 I went to a wedding once. 118 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:30,800 You gave the driver instructions through a speaking-tube. It wasn't my car. 119 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,200 That'll do. 120 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:40,240 They're reliable, too, sir. Lord Kitchener had one in 1914. General French also had one. 121 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:45,280 When I say General French, I don't mean he's a French General. 122 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:50,600 General French was an English General. Some find that confusing. 123 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:55,640 But I wasn't talking about him. I was talking about Kitchener. 124 00:10:55,640 --> 00:11:03,120 He was getting worried about recruiting. He thought he was going to run out of men. 125 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:10,160 He was getting into his Rolls, when he noticed the dashboard was all mingy. 126 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:15,360 He turned to his driver and said, "Why is my dashboard so mingy?" 127 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:22,800 "Well," said the driver, "it's this foreign mahogany. We need English wood. We need yew." 128 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:30,160 "That's it!" said the general. "That's the slogan. 'Your country needs YOU.' " 129 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:35,800 Not many people know this story. 130 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:44,280 - Thank you, Jones. - He never ran out of men after that, sir. 131 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,840 All right! Platoon...SHUN! 132 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:53,640 - Stand your men at ease. - Stand at ease! 133 00:11:55,680 --> 00:12:01,080 You've been selected to provide the guard for the French General. 134 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,840 An honour indeed, sir. 135 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,840 You see the reward for being smart. 136 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:12,320 - Yes, another hour's cleaning. - Take that Welshman's name. 137 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:19,760 - You have also been chosen because of the person who has to make the speech. - Of course. 138 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:25,840 - It has to be in French. - Oh! Well...I suppose I could practise. 139 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:32,320 - Your Sergeant speaks French. He's the obvious choice. - Not that obvious. 140 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:37,400 - Do you speak French? - What you might call "un petit peu". 141 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,200 - Un what? - Petit peu. 142 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:48,240 I'm very much against these parades. They use up valuable training time. 143 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:52,800 I've been asked by Area to make this as smart as possible. 144 00:12:52,800 --> 00:13:00,360 - It can hardly be smart with those Wardens. - Quite right. We should provide the whole guard. 145 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:07,400 Yes, the presence of the Wardens will make it a bit of a shambles. I'll have a word with the Mayor. 146 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:11,120 - You can provide the whole guard. - Thank you. 147 00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,440 And Uncle Arthur will make the French speech. 148 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:39,720 Mon General... Mon General... 149 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:44,280 nous autres a Walmington-on-Sea... 150 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:48,720 - PHONE RINGS - Nous sommes... Answer that, Frank. 151 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,200 Hello? Home Guard. 152 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:55,640 Morning, it's Glossip here. Lady Maltby's chauffeur. 153 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,280 Hello. 154 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:05,000 I'm on my way to get the Rolls camouflaged for Captain Mainwaring and I've run out of petrol. 155 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,240 Where are you? 156 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:08,960 At the Town Hall. 157 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:13,400 You stay there, and we'll come and push. 158 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,720 All right, then. 159 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,800 Bye-bye. 160 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:22,280 Captain Mainwaring's Rolls-Royce is stuck. We've got to push it. 161 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:29,360 - You can't push a great big thing like that. - You can. Mum's always saying you're muscular. 162 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:34,400 - It's enormous. - If I get petrol, could I drive it? 163 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,000 The chauffeur wouldn't let you. 164 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:43,760 - You could make him. Commandeer it. - Don't be silly. Tell him we can't do anything. 165 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:51,280 - I haven't got the number. Come on. - What about Captain Mainwaring? - I've left him a note. Come on. 166 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:55,440 For heaven's sake. Why all the hurry? 167 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:59,240 Frank, come back here for a moment. 168 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:09,840 - Uncle Arthur, it's Mr Hodges' bike. There'll be petrol in that. - Frank, that would be stealing. 169 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:14,880 You could commandeer it. It's only Mr Hodges'. 170 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:21,800 - There's a tin here. - How will you get it from there into that? - You are silly! 171 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:26,560 - What do you mean? - We pour it in, don't we? 172 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,240 Wilson! 173 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:47,480 - He's not here, sir. - I saw him go off with Pike. 174 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:53,520 They've left a note. "Rolls broken down by Town Hall. Gone to help." 175 00:15:53,520 --> 00:16:00,280 I don't see what help he can give them. It should be at the paint shop. 176 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:05,960 - Jones, take your van and a length of rope and tow them there. - Right. 177 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:10,760 - Come on, Jock. - I'll come too. There might be a story. 178 00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:15,880 - "Traffic delays vital supplies." - Have you no regard for the truth? 179 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:21,280 Don't insult the Press. Jones's deliveries are vital supplies. 180 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:28,080 That's the last drop. Can I drive it? 181 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,480 Don't be silly, Frank. 182 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:38,600 - Can I ride in the back? - Yes, I'm sure Glossip will drive us to the paint shop. 183 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,480 I'm glad you've come. 184 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:06,120 - What's the matter? - The mace is dirty. And Roger can't clean it cos he's laid up. 185 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:09,240 - What do you expect me to do? - Sam can clean it. 186 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:11,760 Sam, look lively! 187 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:15,120 This should have been done ages ago. 188 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:30,560 Come on, lads, get the rope out. Tie it on the front, and we'll tow it round the paint shop. 189 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:36,640 - How much is Mainwaring paying for this camouflage job? - £8. 190 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:43,760 I have a spray gun at my workshop. I use it on the hearse. 191 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,120 I'll do it for...£7. 192 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:49,120 It's only brown and green paint. 193 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,440 I don't think Mr Mainwaring would like that. 194 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:56,000 We're saving money, man! Platoon funds. 195 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,160 All right, Jock. 196 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:02,680 Jones the butcher, it's ready to go. 197 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,920 Right, you steer the other one. 198 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,520 No sign of them yet, sir. 199 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,480 I can't think what's happened to them. 200 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,560 I wanted to give them a parade briefing. 201 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,600 Keep looking out, Godfrey. 202 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:40,160 I'm getting rather chilled, sir. One loses heat standing around. 203 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,320 Jump up and down a bit. 204 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:52,840 - Your hooligans have pinched my petrol. - I don't believe that. 205 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:57,920 Oh, yes, they have. They poured it from my bike as if it was a teapot. 206 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,760 And they left it on its side. 207 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:05,760 - Not my men. - What's this, then? "Petrol requisitioned. F Pike." 208 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,280 The spelling's wrong. 209 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,720 That proves it, then. 210 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:18,480 You're not getting me off that parade. I'm going to appeal to the Home Secretary. 211 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:27,880 - We've got it, Mr Mainwaring! - Don't get so excited. - I sat in the back and waved. 212 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:34,920 - What are you going to do about this? - I'm going to inspect my new staff car. 213 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,360 Stop pushing! 214 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:55,320 - Look at that. - She should have given it to me. 215 00:19:55,320 --> 00:20:00,080 Isn't it magnificent? Look at that craftsmanship. 216 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:07,120 - No French car can match that. - Nor a Yankee one. - It's an awfully good staff car. 217 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:10,960 I bet there isn't another one like this in the British Isles. 218 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:23,480 - What's that? - It's twins. 219 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:30,760 HORN BEEPS REPEATEDLY 220 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,200 Look at that. He's got another one. 221 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:40,280 Typical Mainwaring - one on and one in the wash. 222 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:47,800 - Where did you get this car? - Outside the Town Hall. 223 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:52,080 - Where did that one come from? - I'm sorry to bother you, 224 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:58,560 but the Town Clerk wants you. The Mayor has lost his Rolls-Royce. 225 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:14,600 Do you think the Mayor will be cross with Mr Mainwaring for putting paint all over his Rolls-Royce? 226 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:22,520 It's like this, Mr Mainwaring, I think it's been stolen. I don't know what to do about it. 227 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:26,280 - Have you informed the police? - No, I haven't. 228 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:31,920 - Quite right. - You see, I was the one who left the window open. 229 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:36,040 I'm responsible for not immobilising it. 230 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:40,960 If you don't immobilise them, you can get three months. 231 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:45,920 'I don't want the police to get word of it.' 232 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:54,840 I thought, seeing how you have a lot of men, you might send them out to look for it. 233 00:21:54,840 --> 00:22:01,480 - Yes, I might be able to help. - Thanks. Should I inform anyone else? 234 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,120 No! Leave this in my hands. 235 00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:09,720 You'll have to look sharp. We need the car for the French General. 236 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,000 It'll be there. 237 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:16,640 - You idiot, Wilson. - I didn't touch the car. 238 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:20,720 - You took Lady Maltby's. - With my petrol. 239 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:25,760 If I could get a photo of the Mayor when he sees his Rolls, 240 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:29,720 I could have it in every paper in the country. 241 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,680 Jock, can you spray it black again? 242 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:38,080 - What time is it? - 12 o'clock. - Three hours... I could try... 243 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:43,080 - Good man. - ..for £10. - Park it outside the Town Hall. 244 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:48,480 - Nobody will be any the wiser. - They will. I'm going to split. 245 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:51,520 Sneak! Call me what you like. 246 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:56,160 Unless we go on parade, I'm going to tell the Mayor. 247 00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:01,120 He's got us by the fuzzy-wuzzies. 248 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,480 Yes. Very well, Hodges, 249 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:10,360 you can come on the parade. 250 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:17,400 General Kitchener used that saying, because them fuzzy-wuzzies have got short, curly hair. 251 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,720 What he really meant was... 252 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,480 Yes, yes, all right. 253 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:26,760 I'm only trying to make the war a bit more cheerful. 254 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:42,160 I'm sorry about this, but I can't get the flashbulbs. 255 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:46,640 - Don't be too obtrusive. - Righto, boy. 256 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:54,000 - Are you going to say all that? - Quite a lot of it is scratched out. 257 00:23:54,000 --> 00:24:01,440 - I changed my mind a lot. - Keep it short, or it'll be boring. - I have to talk until the car comes. 258 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:08,080 - I'll take one of you and the General, like you said. - Good man. - Righto, boy. 259 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,680 - Frazer's cutting it fine. - There he is. Look! 260 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,080 By Jove. What a magnificent job. 261 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:28,840 Here! When you bawl and shout instructions of "attention" and "present arms", we won't listen. 262 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:35,880 - You'll turn the parade into a shambles. - All right, I'll shout the orders for your lads. 263 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:40,920 - No! - Do you want the bugler to play before or during the salute? 264 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:45,960 - During, and then we'll sing the "Marseillaise". - Is that clear? 265 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,000 Just give me the nod, your reverence. 266 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:52,680 - He's coming. - Places, everybody. 267 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:59,720 - Everything all right, Frazer? - One thing... - Tell me later. - It's as well you listen... 268 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,520 He's coming. Fall in. 269 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,040 Did everything go all right? 270 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:11,960 Fine, except I couldn't get any quick-drying paint. 271 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,800 < Is it tacky? Not tacky... 272 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,880 Good. Just plain wet. 273 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,160 Atten-SHUN! 274 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,560 Wardens, SHUN! 275 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:27,920 Shut up! 276 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:33,200 - I didn't give the nod. - It was his fault. Wait... 277 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:39,800 - Number 1 Platoon, B Company... - Not the Wardens! - ..slope ARMS! 278 00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,160 Present ARMS! 279 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,360 Wardens, present PUMPS! 280 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,080 Now, Mr Yeatman. 281 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:06,320 - That's Come To The Cookhouse Door. - He doesn't know The Last Post. 282 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:14,600 CHOIR SINGS "LA MARSEILLAISE" 283 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:23,600 - Look at him, the man's blubbing. - It's very sad, Mr Mainwaring. 284 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:31,960 - Is that all? - There wasn't time to learn the rest. 285 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,000 They're only little boys, you know. 286 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,960 - Number 1 Platoon, B Company... - Not the Wardens. 287 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:45,600 ..slope ARMS! 288 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,000 Wardens...present PUMPS! 289 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,160 Wilson... WILSON... 290 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,480 Mon cher General, nous autres a Walmington-on-Sea... 291 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:06,960 - What's he saying? - The usual rubbish. 292 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:15,160 You've got to hand it to him. Mum says he can do anything once he's got the urge. 293 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:21,600 ..et victorieux dans votre France bien aimee. 294 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:30,000 Mes amis, mes chers camarades d'armes, 295 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:34,760 je ne puis pas parler. Mon coeur deborde. 296 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:37,800 Mais merci. 297 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:58,760 Here! Don't I get a kiss? 298 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:06,720 Oui, pardon.