1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:07,480 # Who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 2 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:12,160 # If you think we're on the run? 3 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:17,320 # We are the boys who will stop your little game, 4 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,960 # We are the boys who will make you think again, 5 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:26,960 # 'Cos who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 6 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:31,760 # If you think old England's done? 7 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:36,400 # Mr Brown goes off to town on the 8:21, 8 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:41,320 # But he comes home each evening And he's ready with his gun. 9 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:46,320 # So who do you think you are kidding, Mr Hitler, 10 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:51,120 # If you think old England's done? # 11 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,800 It sounds quite a party. 12 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,840 Our biggest exercise yet. 13 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:04,880 We have two brigades, a battery of 25 pounders, and air support. We've even got some tanks. 14 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,960 I'm relying on you to umpire. 15 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:15,920 Well, I've hit a bit of a snag. I've got the same old leg trouble. But I've managed to find a deputy. 16 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:21,040 He runs the Walmington-on-Sea platoon. Captain Mainwaring. 17 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:29,040 - He'll be unpopular if he gets anything wrong. - He's quite used to that. 18 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:34,360 We need someone who's neutral, unbiased and fair-minded. 19 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,320 That's him. 20 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:40,520 If I had my way, I'd shoot all black marketeers. 21 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:44,280 Have you heard about that umpiring? 22 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,600 Yes, I've protested against it. 23 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:52,040 I've no time for umpiring. I'm a leader. 24 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,080 You're quite right, Captain. 25 00:01:55,080 --> 00:02:00,120 You don't want to be an umpire. We didn't have umpires in the Sudan. 26 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,080 Kitchener didn't believe in them. 27 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:08,520 "All's fair in love and war," he used to say. He was educated. 28 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:15,560 He used to make us wait until the fuzzy-wuzzies were 60 yards away. Then we'd mow them down. 29 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:19,880 You don't need an umpire to say you're dead. 30 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:26,120 That's like school. I remember a boy pinching tuck from the snodge. 31 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,800 Was this a foreign school you were at? 32 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:36,240 - I didn't want to beat him. - "Beat him"? 33 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:41,040 Sixth-formers are supposed to keep some sort of order. 34 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,880 The whole system reeks of depravity. 35 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:50,440 They made brave officers because of all that depravity. 36 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:53,640 PHONE RINGS 37 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:56,080 Mainwaring. 38 00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:01,600 Mainwaring, it's no dice with the brigadier. You're the umpire. 39 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,360 I suppose an order's an order, sir. 40 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,000 But you will get a staff car. 41 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,480 Oh, a staff car. 42 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:14,920 You might just be able to hang onto it. 43 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:21,080 - I'll get it along to you today. - Thank you very much indeed, sir. 44 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,440 Oh, well... 45 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,480 I'm getting a car. 46 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,720 That's marvellous...why? 47 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:38,200 - Umpiring is an important job. - What sort of car? - A limousine, I suppose. 48 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:42,360 VICAR: Is this necessary, Mr Hodges? 49 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:47,720 What has to be, has to be. You say that often enough in your sermons. 50 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,680 He always says some good bits in his sermons. 51 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:59,360 - What's going on? - New black-out regulations. No smoking at night, and all keyholes to be bunged up. 52 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:04,640 I've got enough putty to fill up all the reverence's keyholes. 53 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,560 And it's fresh. Smell it. 54 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:12,040 I have no desire to. I hate linseed. 55 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:16,600 Half that keyhole belongs to the military. 56 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:21,640 It's been proved by experts that a light shining through a keyhole 57 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,720 can be seen by an enemy plane. 58 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,280 Mum said you were here. 59 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:30,840 This is my niece. She's on leave. 60 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:32,880 Hello. 61 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:37,680 - Cpl Jones. - Sir. - This is Sgt Wilson. - How do you do? - Not you! 62 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:42,760 May I say how very pretty you look in your uniform. 63 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,680 Very feminine and efficient. 64 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,680 Wilson, put that girl down. 65 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,240 CAR HONKS 66 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:56,720 - What's that? - Sorry to interrupt. The Colonel's driven into the yard. 67 00:04:56,720 --> 00:05:02,000 - The Colonel's arrived. Turn out, the guard. - Jones! 68 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,600 - He's not there. - He's outside. 69 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:10,880 Fall in, the guard. Fall in, the guard... 70 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,640 I can't stay here. My staff car's arrived. 71 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:22,480 - How did you get a staff car? - Through my position. - That wouldn't get you a pair of roller skates. 72 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:35,640 Here you are, Mainwaring. 73 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:42,720 - There's a box of thunderflashes in the back to simulate mortar fire. - Thank you, sir. 74 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,400 Present arms! 75 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,680 You're pushing your luck there. 76 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:58,120 I'll send round four gallons of juice to see him through the exercise. 77 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:02,560 - Is this it? - What do you mean? - It's a bit small. 78 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:07,200 - It looks sweet. - It's a first-class vehicle. 79 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:12,640 It's right for the cut-and-thrust warfare we'll be involved in. 80 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:17,400 You'd look a right Jessie in anything larger. 81 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:24,320 - Is it bullet-proof? - Of course it isn't bullet-proof. 82 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:30,040 Cor blimey! Is that it? Do you call that a staff car? 83 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:37,240 - We find it charming. - They've only sent you one half of your roller-skates. 84 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:46,840 - Don't stand there. Get these men rifle cleaning. - You heard the captain. 85 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:54,960 - Mr Mainwaring, can I be the driver? - Don't be absurd. - I've got a provisional licence. 86 00:06:54,960 --> 00:07:00,120 - You can't drive. - Teach me to drive, Mr Mainwaring. - Be quiet, boy. 87 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,160 Wilson's in charge of driving. 88 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:10,000 - Will you teach me? - Go away, Frank. 89 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:14,280 You won't get your egg for breakfast. 90 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:20,120 As umpire I shall carry my sergeant with me, my corporal and my runner. 91 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:25,440 - Get in, Wilson. - Right, sir. - Get in the back, Jones. - Yes, sir. 92 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:30,000 - Can I be the runner? - If you behave. 93 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:37,800 - Thank you very much, sir. - All right. Get in. 94 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,080 - All right? - Yes. 95 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,960 That seems all right. 96 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:58,000 - This is not proper military etiquette, sir. - What? 97 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:05,960 It's not proper to have Sergeant Wilson, who is a sergeant, driving Corporal Jones, a corporal. 98 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,840 Yes. 99 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:14,720 - I suppose Jones can drive. - Excellent idea, sir. 100 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:26,160 - Change places. - You'll have to move. This seat doesn't go forward. 101 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,920 Let me help you, Mr Mainwaring. 102 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:41,480 - Thank you very much, sir. - Get in the front. - Excuse me, sir. 103 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:44,080 Get in! 104 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:48,000 After you, sir. 105 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:55,040 Now I can't get in, sir. 106 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,800 There we are, sir. 107 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,120 It should be all right now. 108 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:28,680 Mr Mainwaring, where does the runner go? 109 00:09:28,680 --> 00:09:35,920 - We're not bothering about that at the moment. - The runner could ride on the riding board. 110 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,720 Just carry on, Godfrey. 111 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,760 There's just one thing, Captain. 112 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,360 Wilson looks more important than you. 113 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:54,960 - How do you make that out? - He's sitting alone at the back. 114 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,800 Change places, Wilson. 115 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,720 HORN HONKS 116 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:27,200 - What's that? - I had an undesirable urge to test the horn. 117 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:31,400 Don't. You'll get the neighbours round. 118 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:34,360 - After you, sir. - Don't start that. 119 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:45,760 - How can I get in the back? - If you shout at me, you'll just confuse me. 120 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:50,080 - I am not shouting! - You're speaking loudly. 121 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:03,400 - I think that's all right now. - It's fine. You can swank to your heart's content sitting there. 122 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,400 Where's the runner go, please? 123 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:14,480 On the... On that thing there. 124 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:20,360 It's not safe. I'd have to hold on with both hands. 125 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:26,920 - Why don't you let him sit next to you? - I'm not having that. 126 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:34,040 - He'd look as important as the captain. - More important... He's taller. 127 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:38,640 The captain should face backwards and cover your rear. 128 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:46,800 - General Kitchener never advanced unless his rear was covered. Mind you... - Never mind. 129 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,840 Try it. 130 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,760 Don't move. I'll climb over. 131 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:56,800 It won't take a second. You just have to be patient. 132 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,320 No, no, no. This is no good. 133 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:17,800 We'll have to rethink this. Get out, Wilson. 134 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,400 Another raspberryade, please. 135 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:35,840 You're going it a bit. The new staff car is thirsty work. 136 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:41,360 We've been going over the new car, sorting out the teething problems. 137 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,280 - That's thruppence. - Thruppence? 138 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,920 It's gone up. There's a war on, you know. 139 00:12:53,840 --> 00:13:00,120 - Did you have staff cars in the Sudan? - We never had nothing like that. 140 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,720 We had a staff camel. 141 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:08,080 But it didn't have a horn or wipers. 142 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,720 Evening. Hello. 143 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:16,440 Are you part of the Home Guard lot? 144 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:21,040 That's right. You were with the Warden - Sylvia. 145 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:24,880 How did you know? My uncle told me. 146 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:29,520 He's the Sergeant. Oh yeah! Randy old geezer! 147 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:37,280 You musn't say that. He went to public school. 148 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,320 They're the worst. 149 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:43,760 Lime crush, please. Why aren't you a proper soldier? 150 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:47,000 I am a proper soldier. 151 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:50,960 - We all are. - I mean the proper army. 152 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,680 - I'm knocking on a bit. - I didn't mean you. 153 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:57,600 I've got funny blood. 154 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:03,680 If I crashed my Spitfire and was wounded, they couldn't transfuse me. 155 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:05,400 Fancy! 156 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:09,960 I'm waiting to be called up. Secret Service. 157 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,760 I didn't know that, Pikey. 158 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:19,240 Shut up! What happens if you get wounded in the Secret Service? 159 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,560 I don't care. 160 00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,240 That's me all over. 161 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:28,960 Thruppence, please. Have this one on me. 162 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,280 Thanks. 163 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:36,720 - Your girlfriend will get jealous. - I haven't got one...special. 164 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,080 I play the field. 165 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:46,240 Does Mr Mainwaring know you're going in the Secret Service? 166 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:51,280 - No, Mr Jones. - You have to give your notice in, you know. 167 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:58,320 You just can't go in one evening and say goodbye. And there's the bank to consider. 168 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:04,960 Mr Jones, I'm trying to have a private conversation. Stop interrupting. 169 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,040 I see. 170 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,200 I see. 171 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,400 Like that, is it? 172 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:18,960 A friend in need is a friend indeed. 173 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:26,160 Cheers. Cheers. 174 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,200 You've got smashing eyebrows. 175 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,960 You what? 176 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,920 I said you've got smashing eyebrows. Have I ? 177 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:49,000 They're like Tyrone Power. Are they? 178 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,560 Here. Look. 179 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:02,760 Oh, yes... I like Tyrone Power. 180 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:07,040 Do you go to the pictures? We're going tomorrow. 181 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,440 You're quick. When shall I meet you? 182 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,120 I meant Uncle and... 183 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,640 6:30 by the church, after parade. 184 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,880 Cheers. ..Cheers 185 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:38,560 Finally, to distinguish you from the opposition, you will each wear an armband. 186 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:43,600 - All ready and correct, sir. - Hand them out. - That's for you. 187 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,120 Thank you, Jonesy. 188 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:56,360 - Pike, stop looking at your watch. - Sorry. Are you going to be long? 189 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:02,360 I shall be as long as I need to be. There's a war on. 190 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:09,400 - Why does he keep looking at his watch? - We're going to the pictures. 191 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,960 - He's looking at the gate. - That's the way out. 192 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:19,160 My armband doesn't say "UMPIRE". It just says "UMP". 193 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:28,360 - Why is that, Jones? - When you're wearing a band, the only part that shows is UMP. 194 00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,320 The other bit's under your arm. 195 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:38,360 - To write it would be superfluous. So, I didn't. - It's too late to alter them now. 196 00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:40,880 I shall wear this sash. 197 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:46,000 Sitting in that car wearing a sash, you'll look very important. 198 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:51,040 Godfrey, you must get out of this habit of talking in the ranks. 199 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,960 That's all. Parade at 6am sharp. 200 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,440 Atten-SHUN ! 201 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,680 Dismissed! 202 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:13,880 - Uncle Arthur, you don't really want to go to the pictures, do you? - Not all that much. - I'll go alone. 203 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:21,120 - I'll come with you, if you're going. - I wouldn't dream of it. Stay at home with Mum. 204 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,960 Could I borrow 7/6 ? 205 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,720 The seats are only 1/9. 206 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:31,400 - I might go in the 2/3s. - Yes, but 7/6 ? 207 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,040 I might go with someone. 208 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:40,920 I see what you mean. There's 10 bob. Have a good time. 209 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:45,960 Wilson, come with me. There are some things I want to discuss. 210 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,600 I'm sorry it took so long. 211 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:50,480 He does go on. 212 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:55,520 He's not bad really. We'd better not miss the bus. 213 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,360 Is this the staff car? 214 00:18:58,360 --> 00:19:04,400 Yes, come on. I drive one. Are you in charge of it? 215 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,760 Sort of. That's solved that. 216 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:12,720 It's the captain's. I had 70 out of ours. 217 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,080 It's Mr Mainwaring's car. 218 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:20,120 You're in charge. There's no harm in just sitting in it. 219 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,480 No harm in just sitting in it. 220 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,320 It's good, isn't it? 221 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:40,880 He's left the keys in. I'll take those. 222 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,720 She starts well. Turn it off. 223 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:50,600 What's the matter? Are you scared? Turn it off, please. 224 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,120 ENGINE DIES 225 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:57,680 I'm disappointed. I didn't know you were a soppy boy. 226 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:00,440 I'm not a soppy boy. 227 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,000 I thought you were a real man. 228 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,480 I am. 229 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,720 I thought you could take decisions. I can. 230 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:14,720 Tell me how to get there. What are you doing? 231 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:19,760 We'll get into trouble. Relax, we're going to the pictures. 232 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:24,720 SYLVIA: What are you worried about? No-one saw us. 233 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:30,960 PIKE: You seem to forget, I've got a responsible position. 234 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:36,840 SYLVIA: That's what attracted me to you... Haven't you got thin knees? 235 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,600 They're like sparrows'. 236 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,080 PIKE: Get off! 237 00:20:53,440 --> 00:21:00,480 Isn't it wonderful the way Robert Taylor puts his arm round her? It's so protective and romantic. 238 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,560 Yeah. 239 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:11,000 You look a bit like Robert Taylor, sideways on. 240 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,080 Yeah. 241 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:21,600 Do you think I look like her? Do you think I need protecting? 242 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,680 Get off! 243 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:30,000 SCREAMS 244 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,960 Oh! Someone kicked me from behind. 245 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,840 Mind where you put your big feet. 246 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,480 Hello, Mr Jones. 247 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:45,320 I'm ever so sorry. That scream gave me a real turn. 248 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:51,960 - I'm glad you were here, Mr Jones. - This is Mrs Fox. We go to the pictures sometimes. 249 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,880 There's nothing in it, though. 250 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,760 This is Sylvia. She thinks I look like Robert Taylor. 251 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,240 < SHUSH ! > 252 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,560 Get off! 253 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,840 PIKE: I like Robert Taylor, don't you? 254 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:46,880 PIKE: It's good having my car to drive in, isn't it? 255 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:50,840 SYLVIA: It would be if I wasn't so hungry. 256 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:55,600 PIKE: My Mum will want to know where I've been. 257 00:22:56,840 --> 00:23:00,080 What's that? CAR STALLS 258 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,360 What's the matter? It's stopped. 259 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:11,240 Why? We've run out of gas, baby! 260 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:15,280 You've planned this deliberately, haven't you? 261 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:22,960 Do you honestly think I planned to run out of petrol with you, you stupid-looking boy. 262 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,280 I'm not a stupid-looking boy. 263 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,600 Don't call me that. 264 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,360 You're retarded, you are! 265 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,880 What's the time? 266 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,000 Half past ten. 267 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,960 My Mum's going to start worrying. 268 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:49,480 "My Mum's going to start worrying." 269 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,040 What are we going to do? 270 00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:58,680 Let's find a haystack and spend the night beneath the stars. 271 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,920 Get off! Get out and push then. 272 00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,720 Push? It's nine miles. 273 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,360 Have you got a better idea? 274 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:11,560 Are you going to sit there? Yes. 275 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,520 You'll have to help at the hills. 276 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:18,600 We'll worry about that when the time comes. 277 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:32,600 I've never seen Mainwaring in such a state. 278 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:36,120 He'll burst a blood vessel. 279 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:40,920 Oh dear, I haven't got anything for a broken blood vessel. 280 00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,200 Mr Wilson. 281 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:50,040 - I've seen my boy Raymond, and he's scouring round the town. - Thank you. 282 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:55,080 That little car won't go far. I didn't put any petrol in it. 283 00:24:55,080 --> 00:25:02,280 - I've just been on to the police. They've put out an all car call. - They've only got one car. 284 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:09,960 - Is everybody present? - Everyone is present. Except Pike. - What's the matter with him? 285 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:14,800 - He probably slept late. - What have you done with my Frank? 286 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:22,000 - What are you talking about? - His bed hasn't been slept in. And where were you? - Here. 287 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:26,200 - What have you done with her? - What? 288 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,800 - Where's my niece? - How should I know? 289 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:36,800 She was last seen with a soldier, and you were the said soldier. I saw you ogling her. 290 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:39,760 The man's a sex maniac. 291 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,040 Permission to speak, sir. 292 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:51,080 It is not within my experience, but I think Private Pike went to Eastgate to the pictures. 293 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,800 At 5.45 in the morning? 294 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:59,400 - I fell asleep at the pictures once. - Don't interrupt. 295 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,920 - Where's my niece? - Where's my staff car? 296 00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:09,520 Pike, where have you been with that car? 297 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:16,600 All the way to Eastgate... And I've had to push it back all the way. 298 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,960 Where have you been? With him. 299 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:24,120 Have you been out with her all night? 300 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:30,280 He'll have to marry her. I'm not marrying him. 301 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,640 You've been out with that soppy boy. 302 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:37,200 - I'm not soppy. - Pike, you're under arrest. 303 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:42,080 Godfrey, you guard him until the police come. 304 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:44,680 She's not going to court. 305 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,960 You leave my boy alone. You're a bad influence. 306 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:52,640 I'll box your ears when I get you home. 307 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:57,800 - Let justice take its course. - Stop being pompous, Napoleon. 308 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:02,600 Arthur, if you lay a finger on him, I'll make your life a misery. 309 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:06,880 Captain Mainwaring, just one wee word. 310 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:13,920 - What are the police going to say when they find out you haven't immobilised the car? - Quite right. 311 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:21,160 - It's a criminal offence. - And you're responsible, do you hear me? Responsible! 312 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:27,880 That won't stop me doing my duty, but it would be wrong not to consider it. 313 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:31,920 Don't forget. We rendezvous in seven minutes. 314 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:38,680 The army comes first. We'll discuss this later. Get the men fell in. 315 00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,440 Come with me, Jones. 316 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:51,960 I'm just going to those trees to see if I can see them. 317 00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,400 - Would you like one? - No, I don't. 318 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,600 - Yeah, why not? - Help yourself. 319 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,360 Well now, Frank... 320 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:21,840 ..about last night. 321 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:28,880 - I know we shouldn't have taken it. - I'm not talking about the car, I'm talking about the girl. 322 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:35,920 A lot of people will know that you spent the night together and will tell you that it was wrong. 323 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:38,840 I was pushing. She was steering. 324 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:43,880 You have offended against generally accepted conventions. 325 00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:49,160 - But what you both did wasn't evil. Do you follow me? - It was nine miles. 326 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:56,160 All the same, society - our sort of society - has a rather rigid framework. 327 00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:01,200 If we don't stay within it, people point the finger at us. 328 00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:06,240 - It took an hour to get up the hill. - Just remember this, Frank... 329 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,680 ..I understand. 330 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:17,080 We haven't been too close just recently, but now I feel we're kindred spirits. 331 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:24,400 - We're sort of... You know, men of the world. Do you feel like that too? - Yeah. 332 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:27,160 Kindred spirits. 333 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,760 - Men of the world. - Good lad. 334 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,200 Look out. He's coming back. 335 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,560 Right, Jones. 336 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,080 Drive on to the crossroads. 337 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,440 Uncle Arthur. 338 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:56,760 - Don't go yet, Mr Mainwaring. - Be quiet, Pike. Not another word. 339 00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,600 You'll hear something in a minute. 340 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,720 Subtitles by David Beach, 1991