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The time is 6.10.

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Barristers, valiant public defenders,
or a waste of taxpayers' money?

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The Government seems to have taken a view.

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- Try this one.
- One critic accuses its legal aid plans of

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"cutting justice for all as if
it were chips for dinner."

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That critic is Ashley Jeevaratnam,
barrister and blogger, and he joins us now.

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Mr Jeevaratnam, good morning.

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Good morning, Kirsty, yes, I blog
at the compassionatebarrister.com

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So, how should barristers be paid?

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Well, this is a very serious matter.

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Crap!
Sorry. Sorry.

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Sorry.

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Oh, sorry.

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Sync and corrections: minouhse
www.MY-SUBS.com

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Caroline, it's a fit-up.
Now, don't get me wrong, I hated Hassan.

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I could have done it.
I wanted to do it.

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Yeah, you also said you'd do it.

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Barman overheard you talking
to Johnny Rhino in the pub.

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Yeah...
I was angry.

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Said I'd smash Hassan's head
in with a hammer.

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And two hours later, he's in a coma,
head bashed in with a wrench.

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There's a difference.
Can't you use that?

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Look, it was hard talk!
Ask Johnny.

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We sat and watched The Apprentice
together later. I'd calmed right down.

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Sorry. Morning, sorry I'm late,
I got held up at security.

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Mike, this is Will, my hot young pupil.

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Hey, Mike, been reading your brief...
Great stuff!

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Thanks for that, Will!

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We'll put that on the back
under the quote from Stephen Fry.

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Mummy wants her croissant!

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Fuck, I love pastry!

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You going to be a barrister, then?

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Oh, yeah, fingers crossed!

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I'm actually only three months in
and there are four of us

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and Chambers are only going to
give one place.

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So, it's actually kind of scary!

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Yeah?
Tough breaks, eh?

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Right, let's see.
Okay, so, witness hears you in The Stag,

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Hassan gets battered, police turn up at
your gaff, find a wrench with his blood on.

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Mike, I want to get you off,

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but we've got fewer defence points
than I have viable eggs.

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So, tell me something that helps.

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Did you get any frozen?

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Case-related.
Not egg-related.

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I might actually have something.

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Okay, so, the police

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had everything around
Hassan's body analysed.

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But he actually crawled to
where he was found.

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He was hit here by the table.

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And on the table were some of these things.

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Worry beads.

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Now, these are not Hassan's,
but the police never had them analysed.

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So, what I'm thinking is, we get
the police to analyse the beads,

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we find the real killer,

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we get you home, Mike.

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Away from this whole ordeal.

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Maybe don't get those analysed. They
actually sort of look like my worry beads.

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I had 'em stolen recently.
Might have my prints on.

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Look, I realise this complicates things.

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Okay.
We offer a deal.

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They drop the big charge,
we admit grievous bodily harm.

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Plead to GBH?

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Yeah, I mean...

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I might have wanted to hurt him,

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but I didn't want to murder him.

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- You said you were nowhere near him.
- It's either/or, innit?

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He is very guilty.

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Yes, well. That's the thing about
being a criminal barrister, Will.

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- You do meet criminals.
- Yeah, it's such a waste of resources.

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- All those innocent people out there.
- Where?

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Out there?
Aren't there?

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I take your word for it.

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Now, baby boy,
I have crucial business for you.

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I left my laptop charger in Chambers.
I need you to fetch it for me, please.

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From Chambers?
That'll take hours.

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Well, it needs doing, Will.
Mummy needs her power.

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Actually, do you mind not
calling yourself Mummy?

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It's just, it is a little weird.

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But Mummy wants to call herself Mummy.

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Okay, well, fine, then.

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- Hey!
- There you are.

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I'd almost forgotten what you sounded like.
How's it going?

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Oh, knackered.
I was up working till 2am and now

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Caroline's got me travelling
halfway across town.

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Okay, so, you're running a lot of errands.
You knew it was going to be like this.

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Yeah, it's fine. I'm 29 and my job
is fetching chargers and pastry. Sorry!

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At this conference, we're talking
about famine and refugee camps

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in South Sudan.
What were you saying about your job?

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I'm saying it's the worst.
Poor me.

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This is worse than any other human
is experiencing at the moment.

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Remember, this is what you wanted.

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You know, making a difference,
helping people in need.

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Yeah, I am helping people in need
mostly, I guess.

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Although today,
we've got this absolute murderer...

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- I'm sorry, I've got to go. Save it.
- Okay.

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- Okay, bye, love you.
- All right, bye! Love you t...

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Hey, Will.

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The junior tenants did odds
on which of us will get tenancy.

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I'm Hot Robot!

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Sorry, Pia.
That's so objectifying.

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What?
Oh, yes. Feminism.

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So if Danielle is Angry Chav,
then I'm guessing I'm...

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DJ Stupid.

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I guess because of the headphones?

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And the nodding?

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You know that nodding you do,
that really annoying nodding?

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The DJ himself! Wills!
Shouldn't you be in Harringay?

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Oh, I just had to pop back.
Urgent business for Caroline.

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- Seen the Deathball, then.
- Yeah!

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Just a little joke, isn't it?
Just a bit of fun.

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Yeah.
It's just a bit of fun.

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- What's that?
- What's what?

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- That! Huge brief in your hands.
- Oh, this!

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Just a massive organised crime case
for Miles.

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Two gangland bosses. Four-year-long sting.
Multiple CHISes.

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Oh, sorry. CHIS means...

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Covert Intel Source.
A paid grass, thank you, Liam.

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Liam says it sounds like "jizz"!

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Well, I mean, objectively it
does sound like "jizz".

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So, what, the head of chambers just
gave you this huge case, did he?

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I guess it must be hard
for you and Danielle.

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Because if we get all the best jobs now,
how are you ever going to overtake us?

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It's a cruel system.

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We go up and up, while you go
round and down ad infi-shite-um.

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Liam, you have seen that your
nickname is Lanky Poison Twat?

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Seen it? Reclaimed it.
Made it a badge of pride.

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Call me LPT.

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- Hey, Danielle!
- All right?

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Will, I'm headed to court.
You can come with if you like.

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Fuck off, Liam.

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- I didn't say anything.
- Yeah, well, keep it that way.

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Sitting there smirking
like you shat somewhere secret.

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- Good to go?
- Yeah.

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"Angry chav"?

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Wankers!

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My boyfriend Dave remortgaged his
house so I could go to law school.

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Made dumping him really hard.

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Now, I'm losing to Law Barbie
and that human lube-stick.

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- Least you're not last.
- All right, make it about you.

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I work constantly.
I fetch a fuckload of coffee.

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Plus, my pupil-master's the biggest prick!

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Ashley does this thing where he says
something is not something and it's like

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automatically funny.

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He'll be like, "This meal is not uncold,"

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or "This evidence is not undamning."

146
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I find it not un-fucking-annoying.

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Caroline's okay.
We get on fine.

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You can't get on that fine.

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You're losing at Deathball.
Caroline's your pupil-master.

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Who do you think tipped off
the other tenants?

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♪ With your headphones on
through the drizzled pane

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♪ Of a wet slate roof

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♪ Sun will turn to rain

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♪ Why are you the one?

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♪ Couldn't take the pain

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♪ Something good'll happen

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♪ Wait and see

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♪ Something good'll happen

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♪ Wait and see...

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Hey, sorry!

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♪ Ever had a little faith?

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♪ Ever had a little faith?

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One charger.

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Got your post as well.

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Becca, hey!

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00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:02,993
Mr Packham,
one of our junior tenants got delayed.

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00:10:03,119 --> 00:10:05,669
We got a youth being sentenced
for street robbery and I need you

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to hold her hand till he turns up.

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00:10:07,314 --> 00:10:10,496
Aah, sorry, Becca.
It's just, I think Caroline needs me.

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00:10:10,622 --> 00:10:12,704
- Caroline doesn't need you.
- I don't need you.

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- You don't need me?
- Nope.

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Okay.

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Well, just send me the details
and I'll take care of it. Cheers.

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Hi, Caroline...

175
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:31,767
you know how we're three months in now?

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I was just wondering if you had
any feedback for me?

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00:10:34,743 --> 00:10:36,493
Any areas for improvement...

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Your wig's too white.

179
00:10:41,567 --> 00:10:44,532
A wig that clean says:
"I am a clueless novice

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"who has never successfully
pleasured a woman."

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- Okay, cool. Thanks.
- Is this about Deathball?

182
00:10:50,765 --> 00:10:52,360
No.
No way.

183
00:10:54,458 --> 00:10:55,833
Caroline, I'm last...

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You can't get nervous about that stuff.

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00:10:58,253 --> 00:11:01,162
What makes a barrister?

186
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The brain of a fox.
The liver of an ox...

187
00:11:04,152 --> 00:11:05,994
The hugest of cocks, right.

188
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,620
- The hugest of cocks.
- Right.

189
00:11:07,746 --> 00:11:10,733
So, take that trouser Orca of yours
and get me a cinnamon twist.

190
00:11:13,554 --> 00:11:15,314
Oh, no.
No-no-no-no-no-no-no.

191
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:18,285
- Caroline?
- Cinnamon twist.

192
00:11:24,886 --> 00:11:27,406
The latest bar access stats are out.

193
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,835
Kids from working-class backgrounds
are at such a disadvantage,

194
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,640
I mentioned it on the radio this morning,
I think it's a very serious matter.

195
00:11:36,765 --> 00:11:38,114
Sorry, I didn't listen.

196
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:42,455
Oh, God, no, no! It's nothing.
I'm sure I was awful. It's just...

197
00:11:42,581 --> 00:11:44,299
Don't think I'm not aware.

198
00:11:44,979 --> 00:11:46,293
I'm deeply aware.

199
00:11:47,826 --> 00:11:51,123
- Would you like a coffee, Ashley?
- Yes. That would be not unwelcome.

200
00:11:52,550 --> 00:11:55,393
Radio's Ashley Jeevaratnam.

201
00:11:55,710 --> 00:11:57,331
There you are.

202
00:11:57,698 --> 00:12:00,529
Caroline!
They asked and I said yes.

203
00:12:00,655 --> 00:12:02,693
- I didn't hear it.
- No! Quite right too.

204
00:12:02,818 --> 00:12:04,332
It was nothing.
Piece of shit.

205
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:08,276
Any chance of carving it today?
You drop the attempt. We'll plead to GBH.

206
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:12,884
I'd love to, but your guy's got
previous 18s, aggravated burglary.

207
00:12:13,010 --> 00:12:15,546
- He is a very naughty boy.
- Go on! Carve it. You want to.

208
00:12:15,672 --> 00:12:17,747
Caroline, if I carved,
I'd be making a booboo.

209
00:12:17,873 --> 00:12:20,378
And we can't be making booboos, can we?

210
00:12:20,955 --> 00:12:22,490
QC interviews next week.

211
00:12:23,379 --> 00:12:24,884
Oh.
Those are then, are they?

212
00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:27,502
Don't pretend.
I know you're up for it too.

213
00:12:27,926 --> 00:12:30,143
Actually, I've been pushing for
more women at silk level.

214
00:12:30,268 --> 00:12:32,025
I think it's a very serious matter.

215
00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:36,433
Actually, I didn't apply.
I mean, what's silk?

216
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,969
I don't need my talent confirmed
by some cloak of

217
00:12:40,555 --> 00:12:42,164
worm spunk.

218
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:43,676
Is that really what silk is?

219
00:12:43,802 --> 00:12:46,293
How it's made. Fine, don't carve.
We're going not guilty.

220
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- Oh, come off it, you've got nothing!
- Have I?

221
00:12:48,967 --> 00:12:52,167
I'm going to rain shit on you
like the BFG after a vindaloo.

222
00:12:55,094 --> 00:12:57,613
She didn't do it, Mr Packham!
I didn't do it, it wasn't me!

223
00:12:57,738 --> 00:12:59,731
I'm serious, she wouldn't
hurt a fly, let alone a nurse.

224
00:12:59,856 --> 00:13:02,261
You gotta tell them. You gotta appeal!
Go lawful on their arses.

225
00:13:02,386 --> 00:13:03,602
- Mind your language!
- Shut your face.

226
00:13:03,727 --> 00:13:05,854
I'm not going to prison
for talking like a 12A.

227
00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:10,174
Thank you, Gracie.
So, this is a sentence.

228
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,408
You've been convicted
and we can't change that.

229
00:13:12,534 --> 00:13:16,933
But we're going to write a letter
to the judge, explaining things.

230
00:13:17,058 --> 00:13:18,573
Explaining how sorry you are.

231
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:20,495
Except I'm not cos I never done it.

232
00:13:20,621 --> 00:13:23,267
Yes. But this could stop you from
getting put in custody...

233
00:13:23,393 --> 00:13:25,892
So I have to say I done it
even when I didn't?

234
00:13:26,018 --> 00:13:27,733
Think of it as like a sacrifice.

235
00:13:27,858 --> 00:13:30,120
- You know, like for a greater good.
- Right.

236
00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:32,486
Some Sydney Carton shiz.

237
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,239
Yes!
Sidney Carton shiz.

238
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:36,995
Sorry, who?

239
00:13:37,121 --> 00:13:40,373
- Sydney Carton in Tale of Two Cities, duh!
- She's a big reader.

240
00:13:40,499 --> 00:13:43,133
Love a bit of Dickens.
Mainly though, I like poetry.

241
00:13:43,258 --> 00:13:45,560
Bit of Maya Angelou or Carol Ann Duffy.

242
00:13:47,737 --> 00:13:50,707
That is really cool, Gracie.
Love that.

243
00:13:50,833 --> 00:13:52,254
Represent.

244
00:13:52,503 --> 00:13:54,619
"I am truly sorry

245
00:13:54,713 --> 00:13:58,054
for any harm I did Miss Kessel."

246
00:13:58,244 --> 00:13:59,746
Prize-winning.

247
00:14:02,338 --> 00:14:03,638
Try this.

248
00:14:05,658 --> 00:14:10,203
"What we did to Miss Kessel
I remember like a bad dream.

249
00:14:10,329 --> 00:14:12,616
"And for the rest of my life,

250
00:14:12,742 --> 00:14:15,455
"I'll carry the pain of knowing
I fell from my true self."

251
00:14:18,035 --> 00:14:20,047
Grace, this is amazing.

252
00:14:20,173 --> 00:14:22,173
Top of my class creative writing.

253
00:14:22,298 --> 00:14:25,653
Probably be a novelist when I'm older.
Or a slam poet.

254
00:14:25,779 --> 00:14:28,069
Yes!
Why shouldn't you be?

255
00:14:29,898 --> 00:14:31,558
I honestly didn't do it, Will.

256
00:14:32,761 --> 00:14:34,802
I was just trying to stop the others.

257
00:14:35,894 --> 00:14:37,969
You do believe me, don't you?

258
00:14:38,439 --> 00:14:41,385
Of course.
And you are not getting custody.

259
00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:43,075
Not with this baby.

260
00:14:43,938 --> 00:14:47,012
There are some really splendid word choices.

261
00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:51,171
Well, young lady, I have read your letter,

262
00:14:51,297 --> 00:14:53,453
and as you have clearly shown remorse,

263
00:14:53,578 --> 00:14:56,213
I am not inclined to send you into custody.

264
00:14:56,580 --> 00:15:00,060
I'll make a referral order
and you can go home.

265
00:15:07,496 --> 00:15:08,861
Gracie.

266
00:15:09,790 --> 00:15:11,360
At least she didn't get custody.

267
00:15:11,486 --> 00:15:13,565
That could have broken her soul.

268
00:15:13,691 --> 00:15:16,573
Her sweet, fierce, lyrical soul.

269
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:19,455
Yeah.
She almost certainly did it.

270
00:15:19,858 --> 00:15:23,662
- Probably the ringleader.
- Well, my instinct says no.

271
00:15:23,788 --> 00:15:25,701
Whatever.
We're working on Mike now.

272
00:15:25,827 --> 00:15:28,721
Great.
Saint Mike the Murderer.

273
00:15:28,968 --> 00:15:32,658
Oh, I see. Mike doesn't prang
your Guardianista erection.

274
00:15:34,277 --> 00:15:37,277
Will, what do you think
we're doing this for?

275
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:40,820
- Doing what for?
- This. You know, the reading, the talking,

276
00:15:40,946 --> 00:15:43,554
the working with screw-ups like Mike
instead of nice people

277
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,915
with Cath Kidston tea-towels
and children mostly called Alfie.

278
00:15:47,138 --> 00:15:50,634
What are we doing this for?

279
00:15:51,519 --> 00:15:53,344
Justice...

280
00:15:56,479 --> 00:15:58,190
Jesus!
No!

281
00:15:58,680 --> 00:15:59,983
To win.

282
00:16:00,109 --> 00:16:03,058
A barrister burns to win.

283
00:16:03,394 --> 00:16:05,214
Where do you get your fire?

284
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:07,175
Were you bullied at school?

285
00:16:07,301 --> 00:16:09,759
Did your mum ignore you
or your dad demean you?

286
00:16:10,538 --> 00:16:12,212
Who the fuck are you, Will?

287
00:16:13,818 --> 00:16:16,399
Cos you need to find that.
At the moment it's all a bit...

288
00:16:17,172 --> 00:16:18,411
A bit what?

289
00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:19,952
Hufflepuff.

290
00:16:20,794 --> 00:16:22,070
Hu...

291
00:16:22,196 --> 00:16:23,556
What?!

292
00:16:26,336 --> 00:16:30,293
Caroline, did you say
any of this to the junior tenants?

293
00:16:30,418 --> 00:16:32,286
The ones who are doing the Deathball?

294
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,403
Edited version.
For your own good.

295
00:16:34,529 --> 00:16:37,025
Cool. No, that's great.
Thank you.

296
00:16:37,337 --> 00:16:38,892
Thank you very much.

297
00:16:39,018 --> 00:16:42,741
So, the defendant has entered
a not guilty plea.

298
00:16:42,867 --> 00:16:44,994
We'll start first thing in the morning.

299
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:46,960
Court rise.

300
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:52,973
- DJ Stupide.
- Liam? What you doing here?

301
00:16:53,098 --> 00:16:55,658
Special business.
Lives depend on it, so...

302
00:16:57,457 --> 00:16:59,932
Caroline, never seen you
in court dress before.

303
00:17:00,058 --> 00:17:02,384
- The effect is powerful.
- Thanks, dimples.

304
00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:04,510
Why are you never nice like that?

305
00:17:06,563 --> 00:17:09,675
So, what say we adjourn
to the local watering hole

306
00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:11,291
to take libations?

307
00:17:13,271 --> 00:17:15,488
Oh, come on, we hardly ever drink together!

308
00:17:21,658 --> 00:17:24,318
This is nice, isn't it?
Getting away from the office,

309
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:27,124
all the competition and shit about tenancy.

310
00:17:29,208 --> 00:17:31,093
I've been wanting to talk to you.

311
00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:33,610
About the tenancy competition?

312
00:17:34,058 --> 00:17:36,006
Thing is Will, we guys,

313
00:17:36,132 --> 00:17:38,458
we shouldn't be wasting time
trying to destroy each other.

314
00:17:38,584 --> 00:17:40,737
Were we trying to destroy each other?

315
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:43,453
No!
No, no, no.

316
00:17:43,578 --> 00:17:46,780
I'm just saying, it's Pia and Danielle
who have the advantage here.

317
00:17:46,906 --> 00:17:49,246
Cos most of the senior tenants
are men, right?

318
00:17:49,418 --> 00:17:52,741
So, they'll be flirting with them,
making themselves indispensable.

319
00:17:53,636 --> 00:17:55,272
We've got to watch out for it.

320
00:17:55,398 --> 00:17:58,774
First sign of any manoeuvres from
Charlotte Church, you come to me.

321
00:17:59,293 --> 00:18:00,493
Gotcha.

322
00:18:03,813 --> 00:18:07,363
Hey. I am in love.
Six o'clock.

323
00:18:08,079 --> 00:18:10,070
She's got her back to us.
But you can tell.

324
00:18:10,196 --> 00:18:13,118
- Might stride on up and drop the B bomb.
- Does B stand for...

325
00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:15,756
Barrister!
Women love it, Will.

326
00:18:15,882 --> 00:18:18,528
They want to get bare and jiggy
with the horsehair wiggy...

327
00:18:18,654 --> 00:18:21,665
You should go and speak to her.
Stop talking to me.

328
00:18:23,112 --> 00:18:26,092
No, I'm going to bide my time, mate.

329
00:18:26,498 --> 00:18:29,781
- Stalk the prey.
- Nice one, Liam, that's masterful...

330
00:18:34,858 --> 00:18:37,798
Hi, excuse me.
Hi! Hello, hi!

331
00:18:38,735 --> 00:18:41,299
Sorry, my friend and I were having
a bit of a

332
00:18:41,473 --> 00:18:43,733
heated argument

333
00:18:43,858 --> 00:18:46,549
about whose tie is better...

334
00:18:46,948 --> 00:18:48,643
How heated can that be?

335
00:18:48,769 --> 00:18:50,994
Pretty close to physical violence, actually.

336
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:54,379
- It's a good thing that you're here.
- Because I'd deck him!

337
00:18:54,505 --> 00:18:57,198
Hi, I'm Liam.
I'm a barrister.

338
00:18:57,950 --> 00:19:00,613
Currently focusing on organised crime,
but hoping to specialise

339
00:19:00,738 --> 00:19:03,433
in trafficking and high-value fraud.

340
00:19:05,464 --> 00:19:08,247
- I think his tie's better than yours.
- Oh, no!

341
00:19:08,373 --> 00:19:09,973
Pwned, my friend!

342
00:19:10,098 --> 00:19:14,798
Shucks. And, now, as a prize, Liam here
is going to buy you a thank-you drink.

343
00:19:15,507 --> 00:19:19,052
- Surely it's loser buys drinks...
- I think that would be too much humiliation.

344
00:19:19,178 --> 00:19:21,014
Maybe I want you humiliated.

345
00:19:23,018 --> 00:19:26,106
Will, quick question.
How's your girlfriend?

346
00:19:27,178 --> 00:19:30,895
She is fine. Nessa is fine.
Thank you for asking, Liam.

347
00:19:31,875 --> 00:19:34,931
I think I'm just going to leave you
two guys to chat, if that's okay.

348
00:19:36,489 --> 00:19:38,333
He's got a girlfriend.

349
00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:41,200
I'll pay you back.

350
00:19:41,326 --> 00:19:43,513
How was your chat with the young
Prince Philip?

351
00:19:43,842 --> 00:19:47,078
So, he's worried that you and Pia

352
00:19:47,538 --> 00:19:49,813
are going to sex your way to tenancy.

353
00:19:50,186 --> 00:19:52,572
Not a bad idea.
I could rub Ashley's nipples

354
00:19:52,698 --> 00:19:55,263
while he reads me the latest
poverty statistics.

355
00:19:56,124 --> 00:19:58,853
You okay?
You spoke to Caroline?

356
00:20:01,352 --> 00:20:03,205
Yeah, like I thought really it's fine.

357
00:20:03,331 --> 00:20:05,614
She had a few pointers,
but as expected, really,

358
00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:08,056
just really excellent feedback on the whole.

359
00:20:08,182 --> 00:20:10,509
If anything, I'm doing too well.

360
00:20:21,966 --> 00:20:24,120
Didn't I see you earlier today?

361
00:20:24,609 --> 00:20:25,908
In the court.

362
00:20:27,128 --> 00:20:29,609
Maybe.
I don't really notice women, so...

363
00:20:29,887 --> 00:20:31,487
Such a good boyfriend!

364
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:34,598
Do you...

365
00:20:43,978 --> 00:20:45,421
Will, right?

366
00:20:46,218 --> 00:20:47,498
Selina.

367
00:20:49,058 --> 00:20:51,524
Aren't you going to ask me
what I was in court for?

368
00:20:52,842 --> 00:20:54,902
My guess is something really wicked.

369
00:20:56,010 --> 00:20:57,498
You're good!

370
00:20:58,278 --> 00:20:59,679
Guess my crime.

371
00:21:02,083 --> 00:21:03,301
Paedo.

372
00:21:04,578 --> 00:21:05,778
Okay.

373
00:21:05,904 --> 00:21:08,972
Sorry. I'm very drunk and cannot
be held responsible for what I do...

374
00:21:09,098 --> 00:21:11,493
Actually I can totally be held responsible.

375
00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:13,610
Intoxication only goes to intent.

376
00:21:13,736 --> 00:21:15,877
Is this law stuff?

377
00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:19,213
Yeah, so basically, to be guilty of a crime,

378
00:21:19,338 --> 00:21:22,451
normally you have to do it
and also intend to do it.

379
00:21:22,577 --> 00:21:25,973
But sometimes when you're drunk,
maybe you don't intend what you do

380
00:21:26,098 --> 00:21:27,773
to have the consequences that it has.

381
00:21:27,898 --> 00:21:31,359
For instance, you might hit someone
over the head with a glass

382
00:21:31,485 --> 00:21:32,868
but not intend to maim him.

383
00:21:32,994 --> 00:21:36,278
Right. Or perhaps you could place
yourself really close to a girl

384
00:21:36,404 --> 00:21:38,580
and not intend to kiss her.

385
00:21:39,302 --> 00:21:41,350
- Maybe.
- Maybe.

386
00:21:42,058 --> 00:21:43,757
But what if she kisses you?

387
00:21:44,866 --> 00:21:47,836
It's complicated.
Legally.

388
00:21:53,454 --> 00:21:55,587
Morning, Will, good to see you!

389
00:21:56,419 --> 00:21:59,984
Caroline,
really looking forward to what you've got!

390
00:22:00,110 --> 00:22:02,703
No point hanging around.
Let's empanel the jury.

391
00:22:07,382 --> 00:22:09,093
Where did you go last night?

392
00:22:09,748 --> 00:22:12,626
Me?
Must have lurched off.

393
00:22:12,984 --> 00:22:16,350
Not my fault.
Not anyone's fault.

394
00:22:17,484 --> 00:22:18,983
Selina Veisi!

395
00:22:22,907 --> 00:22:24,769
Oh, mother of all fucks!

396
00:22:25,298 --> 00:22:27,528
No objections from counsel, I hope?

397
00:22:32,860 --> 00:22:34,976
It's not my fault.
She said she was a criminal!

398
00:22:35,102 --> 00:22:36,759
Something wrong, Ms Bratt?

399
00:22:39,153 --> 00:22:43,589
Your honour, my pupil, Mr Packham,
is acquainted with juror number 3.

400
00:22:43,978 --> 00:22:45,431
How so, Mr Packham?

401
00:22:45,955 --> 00:22:49,768
Your Honour, hardly at all,
it's just we met last night.

402
00:22:50,098 --> 00:22:52,813
Casually?
I don't think that's a problem.

403
00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:55,026
Mr Packham won't be addressing the jury.

404
00:22:57,255 --> 00:22:59,376
Sorry, Your Honour.

405
00:23:01,298 --> 00:23:03,178
It's just, there was a kiss.

406
00:23:05,291 --> 00:23:06,776
A simple kiss?

407
00:23:07,788 --> 00:23:09,293
There were tongues.

408
00:23:09,570 --> 00:23:11,623
As in, it was a French kiss.

409
00:23:11,818 --> 00:23:15,655
Avec tongues. Not loads obviously.
Just two.

410
00:23:16,477 --> 00:23:20,176
My tongue.
And her tongue.

411
00:23:20,309 --> 00:23:23,529
I mean you're not involved.
She's not your girlfriend?

412
00:23:23,655 --> 00:23:26,244
Oh, Christ, no, no.
That's Ness. That's Nessa...

413
00:23:26,370 --> 00:23:28,982
Fuck!
Sorry, didn't mean to say "fuck".

414
00:23:31,878 --> 00:23:33,504
It happened, so...

415
00:23:34,498 --> 00:23:38,505
What I would like to get,
Your Honour, is a rewind,

416
00:23:39,698 --> 00:23:41,276
- by which I mean...
- Are you done?

417
00:23:41,967 --> 00:23:43,167
Yes.

418
00:23:43,538 --> 00:23:45,751
Thank you, Ms Veisi, you are excused.

419
00:23:47,298 --> 00:23:49,253
I'm sorry.
It wasn't my fault.

420
00:23:49,378 --> 00:23:52,117
I wouldn't even have spoken to her
if Liam hadn't been...

421
00:23:56,176 --> 00:23:57,476
Crap!

422
00:23:57,858 --> 00:24:01,215
Can you ask for more time?
Caroline, can you ask for more time?

423
00:24:02,590 --> 00:24:04,541
Your Honour, I need to ask for some time...

424
00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:06,932
I'll give you ten minutes, Ms Bratt.

425
00:24:07,510 --> 00:24:08,710
Your Honour.

426
00:24:10,018 --> 00:24:11,812
What is wrong with you?

427
00:24:12,627 --> 00:24:16,169
- There's a CHIS.
- A grass? How do you make that out?

428
00:24:16,295 --> 00:24:18,227
So, the victim was attacked on
Tuesday evening.

429
00:24:18,353 --> 00:24:21,173
Come Wednesday afternoon,
there's one unit of police at Mike's.

430
00:24:21,298 --> 00:24:24,260
At the same time, there's another
unit interviewing the barman.

431
00:24:24,906 --> 00:24:27,224
The one that's supposed to have
told them about Mike.

432
00:24:27,350 --> 00:24:29,707
God, you're right.
this has got CHIS all over it. Sorry...

433
00:24:29,832 --> 00:24:32,388
It's fine...
Okay, so Liam was here yesterday afternoon.

434
00:24:32,514 --> 00:24:36,423
He's working on this gangland case and
he was boasting to us about his big CHIS.

435
00:24:36,549 --> 00:24:39,025
Tenner says it's Johnny Rhino.
Mike's mate from the pub.

436
00:24:39,151 --> 00:24:40,653
That's why Liam was here.

437
00:24:40,778 --> 00:24:45,373
To check up on us. Johnny's Old Firm, he's
their source for the big case as well as ours.

438
00:24:45,499 --> 00:24:48,932
And if it gets out, the police's biggest
operation in years is fucked!

439
00:24:50,222 --> 00:24:52,533
I am going to shaft Ashley so hard,

440
00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:55,658
it'll need a soundtrack by Isaac Hayes.

441
00:24:58,008 --> 00:25:01,501
Okay.
So, the police do have a CHIS.

442
00:25:02,218 --> 00:25:05,859
But his identity cannot be revealed,
nor need it be.

443
00:25:06,534 --> 00:25:07,814
Is it Johnny Rhino?

444
00:25:09,945 --> 00:25:11,927
We neither confirm or deny.

445
00:25:13,858 --> 00:25:16,200
Okay, say it was Johnny.

446
00:25:16,944 --> 00:25:19,456
It doesn't matter where the intel came from.
If it's true, it's true.

447
00:25:19,581 --> 00:25:20,852
- And it is true.
- Sure.

448
00:25:20,978 --> 00:25:25,344
Unless, say, DI Soulsby's paid CHIS
had the chance to set up my client...

449
00:25:27,010 --> 00:25:30,510
I mean, did he have the chance?

450
00:25:30,636 --> 00:25:33,597
Johnny Rhino watched The Apprentice
at Mike's, night of the attack.

451
00:25:33,723 --> 00:25:35,676
Lots of time to plant a spanner.

452
00:25:37,115 --> 00:25:39,419
What is this?
Johnny didn't plant anything.

453
00:25:39,545 --> 00:25:42,943
Fine. Well, I'll call Johnny
and he can tell that to a jury.

454
00:25:44,258 --> 00:25:46,827
If we reveal Johnny's identity,
he's dead within a week.

455
00:25:46,953 --> 00:25:51,148
- Four years' police work goes down the tube.
- I don't give an arse.

456
00:25:51,566 --> 00:25:54,943
And the judge will say either you
give us a fair trial or you jog on.

457
00:25:58,149 --> 00:25:59,464
She is not incorrect.

458
00:25:59,778 --> 00:26:01,986
So, Ash, what'll it be?

459
00:26:02,112 --> 00:26:03,394
Drop charges?

460
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,228
Or watch the Police Commissioner's
biggest CHIS in years

461
00:26:06,354 --> 00:26:08,514
slipping through your fingers?

462
00:26:11,659 --> 00:26:13,846
- We'll drop charges.
- Super.

463
00:26:14,988 --> 00:26:16,250
Will,

464
00:26:16,376 --> 00:26:18,912
Mummy could murder a pain au raisin.

465
00:26:20,711 --> 00:26:23,213
Well played, Will.
That'll mean points in the Deathball.

466
00:26:23,338 --> 00:26:26,695
Yep. All hail the valiant defender
of wholly guilty psychopaths!

467
00:26:26,821 --> 00:26:28,541
Well, it all balances.

468
00:26:28,667 --> 00:26:30,933
You stopped that poet kid
from going into custody.

469
00:26:31,059 --> 00:26:35,613
Sure. If Gracie's rhymes can inspire just one
more person than Mike viciously murders...

470
00:26:35,739 --> 00:26:38,253
Weird, innit? You think it's going
to be a battle of the minds.

471
00:26:38,378 --> 00:26:41,730
Actually, it's just people fucking up.
Liam. Johnny Rhino.

472
00:26:41,856 --> 00:26:43,735
- The police.
- Yeah.

473
00:26:44,178 --> 00:26:46,483
- Right from those beads.
- What beads?

474
00:26:47,538 --> 00:26:49,869
Do you remember those worry beads
on the table?

475
00:26:50,218 --> 00:26:54,304
They were Mike's.
The police just didn't even have them tested.

476
00:26:55,018 --> 00:26:57,452
Will!
They haven't dropped the charges yet.

477
00:26:57,578 --> 00:26:59,240
Yes, they have.
Ashley said they did.

478
00:26:59,366 --> 00:27:01,661
No. They've gotta take it out in
front of the judge.

479
00:27:03,541 --> 00:27:05,810
- What am I going to do?
- Well, you can't tell 'em.

480
00:27:05,936 --> 00:27:08,706
- That'll make me look an idiot.
- No, of course not.

481
00:27:08,832 --> 00:27:11,412
No, excuse me!
You're seriously going to tell them!

482
00:27:11,538 --> 00:27:13,372
- Too right, I am.
- It'll finish me.

483
00:27:13,538 --> 00:27:14,984
- You're meant to be my friend!
- Fuck that.

484
00:27:15,109 --> 00:27:17,625
- This is my chance to go second.
- Sorry! Stop running!

485
00:27:17,751 --> 00:27:19,071
You look ridiculous!

486
00:27:22,158 --> 00:27:23,918
Oh, no, you fucking don't...

487
00:27:26,522 --> 00:27:30,689
- What the fuck?
- Aw, mate! Must've taken a wrong turn.

488
00:27:31,018 --> 00:27:32,978
- Good luck with that door.
- Oh! You!

489
00:27:39,046 --> 00:27:40,286
Touche.

490
00:27:46,746 --> 00:27:51,100
Very well, then.
If the Crown is offering no evidence,

491
00:27:51,658 --> 00:27:54,322
members of the jury, you are discharged.

492
00:28:17,926 --> 00:28:20,315
Young lady dropped that off earlier,
Mr Packham.

493
00:28:21,853 --> 00:28:23,053
_

494
00:28:37,067 --> 00:28:38,274
Gracie!

495
00:28:38,717 --> 00:28:39,935
Will!

496
00:28:42,575 --> 00:28:44,863
- Thank you!
- Headphones, phone...

497
00:28:44,989 --> 00:28:47,264
- Gracie, seriously?!
- Laptop.

498
00:28:47,390 --> 00:28:49,955
Hey, Will, be clever,
just lie there for 30 seconds,

499
00:28:50,081 --> 00:28:51,352
or Jake here will cut you.

500
00:28:51,933 --> 00:28:53,668
- Cool.
- There's a wig in here?

501
00:28:53,794 --> 00:28:55,067
Oh, give it him.
He needs it.

502
00:28:59,164 --> 00:29:00,567
Excuse me?

503
00:29:01,094 --> 00:29:02,374
See you around.

504
00:29:07,467 --> 00:29:08,767
Rude.