1 00:00:00,540 --> 00:00:02,360 Behold. @SneakyBarrister. 2 00:00:02,410 --> 00:00:06,910 So, I write, "Will from 60 Bedford Row 3 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:10,310 "slept with a juror named Selina." 4 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:12,190 This will not do. You've got to start doing 5 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,510 what's best for the situation, 6 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,510 not running around like a wide-eyed truth puppy 7 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,070 shitting in his own breakfast. 8 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,230 Everybody wants lovely bad things sometimes, 9 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,750 or maybe a lot of the time. 10 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,430 You just choose the good things. 11 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:24,830 This is bad. This is really bad. 12 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,750 Mm. I know. The question is, do we hang out here, 13 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:28,470 sniffing each other's arse fumes, 14 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,310 or do we work together, hunt her down, crush her? 15 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:34,710 You guys scheme your evil schemes. Just don't get me involved. 16 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,030 John came round drunk 17 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,590 while I was working late, and I ended up wanking him off 18 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,030 into the Chambers cafetiere. 19 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,910 - You did what? - Can I have a takeaway coffee in the morning? 20 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,150 Yeah. Sure. 21 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,830 I still can't work out 22 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,870 how the whole cafetiere thing got out. 23 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,190 I kind of feel like I just need to get you out of my system 24 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,750 and, like, maybe you just need to get me out of your system. 25 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,270 If you need a rewind, make an effort. 26 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,560 Take me somewhere nice. 27 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,560 Or be good. 28 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,680 'This is the 12.15 service from Bath Spa to London Paddington. 29 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,070 - Here we are, home again. - Sure. 30 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:28,350 - Come on, lift it, don't drag it. - Sorry. 31 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:30,030 Caroline! There you are. How was Bath? 32 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,630 It was a police case, wasn't it? 33 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,310 Three days turning some boys in blue into pot-potpourri. 34 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,070 Seriously, though, the police will probably have to shut down 35 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:38,670 after what I did to them, 36 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:40,630 so... stay away from Bath, I guess. 37 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,150 Oh, a trial in the regions, eh? Takes me back. 38 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:44,870 Disputing by day, carousing by night, 39 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,790 holed up in a hotel with your best girl 40 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,440 while your second-best girl is none the wiser in town. 41 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,400 Well, that's how it was in the old days, of course. 42 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,190 Not now. 43 00:01:58,240 --> 00:01:59,710 No, of course not. 44 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,190 Caroline, is it all right if I go? 45 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:03,440 - I'm late for this mock trial thing. - Sure. 46 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,430 He's all excited for Ashley's little panto. 47 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,830 - Ahhh! - So eager. 48 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,040 Takes you back. 49 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,870 Give us a hand with these bags, will you? 50 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:16,560 I said not to be intimate at work. 51 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:22,030 The 60 Bedford Row Mock Trial is all about big fun 52 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:24,510 yet simultaneously a very serious matter. 53 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,230 You'll be crossing wits in front of a jury 54 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,710 of senior tenants from Chambers. 55 00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:31,110 Now, they know you've never been on your feet in court before, 56 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,910 and they don't expect the complete package. 57 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,070 That said, this is the only time they will hear you speak 58 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,630 before voting on your Chambers membership in six months' time. 59 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:44,070 Now, the witnesses will be played by professional actors 60 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:48,670 and the judge will be one Mr Ashley Jeevaratnam. 61 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,420 Only a matter of time, Your Honour. 62 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,310 That's very funny. Really... 63 00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:55,670 .. excellent humour. 64 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,190 So, shall we pick sides? Where's Pia? 65 00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,510 - Not... - Doesn't matter. 66 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,640 - Liam, could you write down the names? - Yep. 67 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,880 - Use these Post-its. - Thank you... Your Honour. 68 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,470 Is this where you stayed in Bath? Looks fancy. 69 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,830 Yeah, erm, had a deal on. 70 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:15,630 Got to use the spa and everything. It was lovely. 71 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,160 Spa? Ooh! 72 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,590 Thank you, Counsel. Now, the Counsel for the Defence 73 00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,750 will be -- drum roll -- 74 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,310 Liam and... 75 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,030 - .. Danielle... - Classic! 76 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,030 .. which means the prosecution will be Will and Pia. 77 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,550 That's that. Your clients will be ready for conference in ten minutes. 78 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,510 - Thank you. - Thanks, Ashley. 79 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,040 Proper actors. This is going to be awesome! 80 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:44,590 Oh, my God, we should have a really funny bet, 81 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,430 where the losers have to lick the floor clean, like dogs. 82 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:50,630 You don't want to bet on this, Liam. Your guy is guilty as. 83 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,200 Plus Pia's a machine, so... 84 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:55,320 He should probably know. 85 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,630 Know what? 86 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:58,990 Pia's had a bit of a breakdown. 87 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,390 Even the minor barristers have stopped giving her work 88 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:04,390 after the whole... cafetiere thing came out. 89 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,350 Last we heard, she was doing admin work for the clerks. 90 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:08,870 What a waste of a degree. 91 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:13,710 ♪ My old man said follow the van 92 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:17,150 ♪ And don't dilly-dally on the way 93 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,550 ♪ So I dillied and dallied 94 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,950 ♪ Dallied and dillied... ♪ 95 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,310 Why do you think I'm glad to get the Duke of Lamebridge? 96 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,960 ♪ ... Lost my way and don't know where to roam... ♪ 97 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,510 Hey, Will. You back from Bath? 98 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,470 Er, yeah. 99 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:36,990 What's all that? 100 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,830 Oh, it's not so bad. It's just three years of old accounts 101 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,830 I have to copy into the Chambers new software. 102 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,880 It's saving Chambers hundreds and it really takes up my days. 103 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:51,240 Still feeling confident? 104 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,110 Wow! They look real. 105 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,110 Good actors. 106 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,830 Best I take the lead. As a presence, I'm more reassuring. 107 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,590 You look half-dwarf. 108 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,470 They want legal advice, 109 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,710 not a mighty suit of armour. 110 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,470 Hello! 111 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,070 - Hi, I'm Phillip. - And I'm Hannah, Phillip's wife. 112 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,950 Liam Mingay. And this is Ms Sadler, my learned junior. 113 00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:22,790 You human stretch mark. 114 00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:23,910 Very pleased to meet you. 115 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,230 There's been a terrible injustice, Mr Mingay. 116 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:27,950 Well, you can count on me. 117 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,120 And Ms Sadler. But mostly me. 118 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:34,430 Why don't you tell me what happened in your own words? 119 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,350 Tell me what happened in your own words. 120 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,230 I killed Dieter Trabajo. 121 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,990 But Dieter Trabajo would have killed me first. 122 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,590 It's damn good to talk. 123 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,150 I've been festering in custody 124 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,430 ever since my arraignment at plea before venue 125 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,750 - in the Magistrates' Court. - Ooh, nice. Done your research. 126 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,270 Sorry, can we try not to break scene, please, 127 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,910 make it as real as possible? 128 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,790 Oh, right. Sorry, that's me. 129 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:57,510 No, that's OK. You weren't to know. 130 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,230 All cool. Just... we do this to ply our craft, not for the money. 131 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,790 Though the money is good. 132 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:03,350 The money's fine. 133 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:04,870 Do go on, Phillip. 134 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,230 Yeah, again, can we not break the scene? 135 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:08,710 I didn't. Did I? 136 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,390 You did, you said... 137 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,350 Sorry. 138 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:15,070 The thing is my real name is Phillip, as well, 139 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,230 and I thought you were addressing me Phillip, 140 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:19,390 not the character Phillip. 141 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,150 It helps us stay natural if we keep the same names. 142 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,320 Right. Of course. 143 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,910 Let's try again. 144 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,390 Phillip... 145 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,240 Yes? Sorry, caught me off guard. I wasn't in character. 146 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:35,440 Yes? 147 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,470 What is she doing? 148 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,230 Why would she ask Liam out for a drink? She must be an alien 149 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:47,830 looking to harvest his organs. 150 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,430 It's a long way to come for Liam. 151 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,070 He's a unique specimen, 152 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,360 the only being in the galaxy made entirely of rectum. 153 00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:59,670 - Why did you bring her? - She needed company. 154 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,750 I can't believe we let her get like this. 155 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,110 Leave it out right now. 156 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,830 I am not taking responsibility for her malfunction. 157 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,710 The cafetiere story got out. These things do. 158 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,670 - No-one's fault. - Yep. 159 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,350 Good point. No... no-one's fault. 160 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:13,840 There we are agreed. 161 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,670 Here she is. 162 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,360 Hey. 163 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,030 Oh, this is nice. 164 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,550 I've missed you so much. 165 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,830 Right back at ya! 166 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,670 You seem perky. 167 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,590 Travelodge didn't get you down? 168 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:31,950 Er, no, it was great. 169 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,390 You remember Danielle? 170 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:34,670 Hey. 171 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,840 - I'll get you a vodka and lime. - Thank you. 172 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,000 He seems happy. 173 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,830 Hotel living must suit him. 174 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,600 Yeah, loved the spa, apparently. 175 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:46,750 It's exciting, 176 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,190 working with ac-tors. 177 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,070 Never even met an actor before. 178 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,110 Really? You've been a bit closeted. 179 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,030 Yeah... Well, maybe I have. 180 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,950 Never met all sorts of people. 181 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,670 Never met a... 182 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,150 .. bricklayer. 183 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,670 Or a sailor. 184 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,790 I mean, I've only seen chefs at a distance. 185 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,230 Right! 186 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,030 - My parents are both barristers. - Oh, wow. No pressure, then. 187 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:08,790 Oh, no. No, no, God, no. 188 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,510 I mean, it would be if they were sort of 189 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,190 breathing down my neck all the time, 190 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:17,120 but, luckily, I've got a whole, you know, floor of the house to myself. 191 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,750 Another drink, Ms Newport? 192 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,510 If that is your real name. 193 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,190 I mean, that's not my real name. 194 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,910 I'm Hannah Jerrold. 195 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,950 Hannah Newport was the character's name. 196 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,750 Oh, right, gotcha! 197 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,590 How... How do I tell the difference? 198 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:38,200 Maybe you can't. 199 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:43,030 Maybe I'm still in character now and I've lured you here. 200 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,630 To seduce me? 201 00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:46,430 Jesus, Liam. That's a bit off. 202 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,030 Fuck. Sorry, it's stupid. 203 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,560 No, maybe, though. 204 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,680 I'll get you another drink. 205 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,710 Ooh, Pia, this is Nessa. 206 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,950 Hi. I'm Will's girlfriend. 207 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,390 Which one? 208 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,190 What? 209 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:11,790 What? 210 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,470 ♪ Da-da-da! ♪ 211 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,070 You two met? 212 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,400 Yeah. 213 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,110 Morning, Caroline. 214 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,350 Get my e-mail last night? 215 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,270 - Yep, got it. - Smash-and-grabber going not guilty. 216 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,790 Where are we today? 217 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,950 Who am I, your secretary? Look it up. See you then. 218 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,680 All right. Thanks. Bye. 219 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,070 Evidence summaries? 220 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,190 Yep, tabbed and bullet-pointed. 221 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,470 And what about his previous? 222 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,870 - All relevant, unfortunately. - Mm-hm. 223 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,990 How are you going for this mock trial? 224 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:11,390 Not going to cock it up, are you? 225 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,910 Don't think so. Pretty confident, if I'm honest. 226 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,350 Really? Unusually swaggering of you. 227 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,910 How's your cross? 228 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,670 My cross-examination is... pretty good, actually. 229 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,670 "Pretty good" not good enough. It's the only thing that matters. 230 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,670 - Ask me where I got this tarte tatin. - Where did you get the tarte tatin? 231 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:30,110 Wrong. Keep the questions closed. Control the info. Ask again. 232 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,350 You didn't buy that tarte tatin, did you? 233 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,750 - No. - Did you steal it from the Chambers fridge? 234 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,160 Yes, yes, I did. Good. 235 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:40,310 Mm! 236 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,990 Cross-examination is all about the mentality. 237 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,150 The other side are trying to bake something. 238 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,830 It's your job to smash the eggs and piss in the sugar. 239 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,670 You've got to really want to fuck things up. 240 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,830 First rule is to listen. 241 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,470 80% of witnesses will screw themselves. 242 00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,710 Just watch me today. 243 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,990 So, let's get this straight. 244 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:04,870 A scooter screeches up outside the Sunglasses Hut, a man jumps off, 245 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,670 smashes the window with a hammer and grabs fistfuls of...? 246 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,110 Sunglasses. 247 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,630 Ray-Bans, Persol. 248 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,990 You were close enough to see the brands? 249 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,950 I thought you were across the road. 250 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,670 Well, I was just giving examples. 251 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,870 I mean, they could have been Ray-Bans. 252 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,270 Well, that's good enough, isn't it? 253 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:24,470 If they don't do it themselves, just ask them irrelevant stuff. 254 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:26,190 Which hand was the hammer in? 255 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,910 The right, I think. 256 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,950 Cross-reference it. Stuff starts to build. 257 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,150 The left. He had his helmet in the right. 258 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,110 So what did he grab the sunglasses with? 259 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,510 He must have scooped them into his helmet. 260 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,550 He left his helmet on his motorbike. 261 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,190 They're playing the tape over and over in their head, 262 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,150 and it's faded as fuck and they're pretending like it's Blu-ray. 263 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,510 You can't be sure he had the helmet on. 264 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:47,990 No, I'm certain he did. 265 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,920 So you recognised him how? 266 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,310 I mean, it will take you ages to get that good, 267 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,640 but once the mind-set clicks, plain sailing. 268 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,070 OK, so that's the case strategy. 269 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,680 I'd suggest that I do the opening note and maybe you speak second. 270 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,310 - Great. - OK. 271 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,150 Except, actually, Will, would you mind if I didn't speak? 272 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,750 Come on, Pia. You've got to get out of this funk, 273 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,670 seize the day. You know, plus, if you don't speak, we will lose. 274 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,270 We'll lose anyway. 275 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:27,990 No-one likes me, Will. 276 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,430 I work hard, I'm nice to everyone, 277 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,430 but it's like Ancient Greek camp all over again, 278 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,230 except this time I don't know what I've done wrong. 279 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,590 No... No, neither do I. 280 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:40,400 If someone told me what I'd done, then maybe I could fix it. 281 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:42,880 I mean... 282 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,350 .. who can say? Er, you know? 283 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,070 And the thing is we all make mistakes, 284 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:49,990 but whatever we've done wrong, it's fixable. 285 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:53,910 So perhaps you can fix it this afternoon with your performance. 286 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,950 - Whatever we've done wrong is fixable. - That's it. 287 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,870 As in, whatever you've done wrong, because I haven't done anything. 288 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,190 All right, losers? I'm vocally warm, 289 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,270 I've probed every flaw in your argument 290 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:07,430 and I've memorised a shitload of quotes. 291 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,990 - Seen Liam? - Right behind you. 292 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,230 Ready to rock? 293 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,310 You bet we are. Aren't we, Pia? 294 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,110 Better watch out, Liam, she is psychopumped. 295 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,830 In fact, better eat two dinners, 296 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,870 cos she's going to slice you a new arsehole. 297 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,310 Well, I'm sure we'll all be great in our own way. 298 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,350 The important thing to remember is, this is a huge privilege. 299 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,270 Fuck me. You banged the wife. 300 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,030 No, not "bang". Not "bang", Danielle. 301 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,280 We walked home, we talked... 302 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:37,950 .. and eventually, as the moon shone in on her suburban studio... 303 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,430 Oh, screw it, I'm in love. 304 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,670 - You bell-end. - No, I'm not going to respond to that. 305 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:47,590 Instead, I'm going to wish you this feeling I have right now, 306 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,590 because I'm a new Liam, and I feel alive. 307 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:53,310 Oh, my God. 308 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,270 Liam, what are you doing? We're on in two hours. 309 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,390 I'm sorry. Look, take mine. I don't need it. 310 00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:58,630 No, I don't... Don't do that. 311 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:00,990 - Please stop doing that. - Please stop. 312 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,640 It's fine. I'll just... go home, I guess. 313 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,040 Ness? Is that you? 314 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,070 Yeah, I'm in here. 315 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:42,350 You working from home today? 316 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,590 I've got to get a new suit for the mock trial. 317 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,990 Liam spilt all this bollocks on me. 318 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,560 Hey! 319 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,600 Hey, what's the matter? 320 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,470 Will... 321 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,680 .. where did you stay in Bath? 322 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,480 A Travelodge. 323 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:05,840 Danielle said you'd been to a spa. 324 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,550 Travelodges don't have spas. 325 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,800 And when I told Pia I was your girlfriend, she said, "Which one?" 326 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,150 What the fuck, Will? 327 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,630 There's been a mistake. 328 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,030 Yeah, I hope so, because the way it's looking, you are lying to me. 329 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,230 - I'm not lying to you. - What the hell is happening, then? 330 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:24,480 OK, just... 331 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,240 .. talk me through what Danielle said, please. 332 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,830 - Why? - Just walk me through it, beat by beat, 333 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,910 if that's OK. 334 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:38,350 Er... I said you must enjoy hotel living, 335 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,710 and she said you loved the spa. 336 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,390 OK, good, she said that, did she? 337 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:46,150 And you assumed she meant a hotel spa, like with saunas and Jacuzzis. 338 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:47,750 I know what a spa is, Will. 339 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,710 But she just said spa. 340 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,430 Correct? So I put it to you 341 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:54,230 that there is the kind of spa that you find in a fancy hotel 342 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,550 but there is also the kind of Spar which is a small supermarket chain 343 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,550 where I might go to get a meal. 344 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,230 Don't you dare. 345 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,070 Go over what she said again, then. 346 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,150 I said you enjoyed the hotel. 347 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,310 She said, "Loved the spa, apparently." 348 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:11,830 OK, great, so you made a joke about 349 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,630 how I was staying in a shit Travelodge, 350 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,990 and then she made a joke about how I had to get my dinner in a Spar... 351 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:18,600 .. I would suggest. 352 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,350 OK... 353 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,790 But Pia said... 354 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,390 You said you were Will's girlfriend, 355 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,310 - correct? - Yes. - And then Pia said, "Which one?" 356 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:32,560 - Yes. - Yeah? 357 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,830 Do you know how many Wills there are in Chambers? 358 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,430 - No. - Four. 359 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,390 Four Williams. 360 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,590 So, which do you think is more likely, 361 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:45,190 that Pia was asking you which Will you meant, 362 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,510 or that she was telling you to your face 363 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,310 that I have another girlfriend? 364 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,440 Because she'd have to be a fucking moron! 365 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,710 Shit! 366 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,920 I have been worrying all day. 367 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,400 - Oh, I'm so sorry! - I'm sorry. 368 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,510 Your Honour, I call Phillip Newport. 369 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,600 Thank you, Mr Newport. 370 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,910 I, Phillip Newport, swear by Almighty God 371 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:56,710 that the evidence I shall give will be the truth, the whole truth 372 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,350 and nothing but the truth. 373 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,190 Tell the court what happened. 374 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,910 When Dieter told me he'd been embezzling from the company, 375 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,070 I said I'd go to the police. 376 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:06,350 He went doolally, 377 00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,550 grabbed a golf club, went for me. 378 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,270 I defended myself with a glass... 379 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,590 .. and I stabbed him. 380 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,150 And your wife saw all this? 381 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,790 She arrived just as the fight started, saw the whole thing. 382 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,270 Afterwards, she ran to get help. 383 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,670 She couldn't use her phone? 384 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,910 No. Our house phone 385 00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:23,630 was down, and mobile phones 386 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:26,110 don't exist in this scenario. 387 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,360 Yes. Thank you. 388 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,630 Mr Newport, your neighbour says that 389 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:37,670 he saw your wife's car returning home 390 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:40,190 ten minutes later than you claim. 391 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,190 You're relying on your wife's evidence, 392 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,110 but she wasn't even there when the crime was committed, was she? 393 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,710 She was. I saw her with my own eyes. 394 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,150 I put it to you that you killed Dieter in a violent rage 395 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,230 and when your wife arrived home, you lied to her 396 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,070 so she would stand by you. 397 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,320 Only a snake would lie to the woman he loves. 398 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,870 Well, I'm... suggesting to you, Mr Newport, 399 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,190 that you did lie, so are you a snake? 400 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,480 I am not that kind of faithless, cowardly vermin. 401 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:13,160 Yes. Erm... 402 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,240 Well, very good. 403 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,800 Is that it? 404 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,790 Yeah. 405 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,600 OK. Five-minute break. 406 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,630 Didn't feel right to push any further. 407 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,870 You're going to have to go after the wife quite hard. 408 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,390 What? 409 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,680 Pia, you can do this. 410 00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,520 Hello, hello! 411 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:47,840 Hey there, Liam. Erm... 412 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:52,390 So, I'm going to be doing your examination in chief in a bit. 413 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,080 Sounds rude. Isn't. 414 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,830 Although after last night... 415 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:58,750 Liam, listen. 416 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,110 Sorry to do this before your trial, 417 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:04,110 but can we just... can we forget last night? 418 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,990 And do it all over again 419 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,830 - as if it was fresh and new. - No. 420 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:11,230 Erm, I mean just forget about it. 421 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,430 I was in character and on a high, 422 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:17,030 and sometimes you just... you just get carried away. 423 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,120 Oh. 424 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,320 OK. 425 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,070 Of course, yeah. No worries. 426 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:24,870 I mean, I was... I was carried away, too. 427 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,350 It was... It was very unprofessional. 428 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:29,870 I mean, you have a husband. 429 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,950 No, I don't have a husband. 430 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,830 It's acting. 431 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:37,510 Yes. Acting. Got it. 432 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,870 Sorry. The point is that I am more than fine 433 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,800 just forgetting about last night. 434 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,000 We met. 435 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,480 We had great sex. 436 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,630 Yes. 437 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:58,520 And that is a precious memory that we can hold on to for ever. 438 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,590 - I'll see you in court. - Yeah. 439 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:05,790 - OK. - OK. 440 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,320 - Bye-bye. - Bye-bye. 441 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,430 Anything left for a Head of Chambers? 442 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:25,600 Oh! Sure. 443 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,320 Clean glass, is it? Nothing your boyfriend's shot in? 444 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:34,230 I heard shouting as I pulled into the drive. 445 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:37,190 Our front door leads straight to the front room, 446 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,550 and there I saw Dieter pinning down my husband. 447 00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:44,710 Dieter backed away and picked up the golf club, then... 448 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:49,880 .. stabbing and... screaming and... blood. 449 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:53,480 My husband white and pale... 450 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:55,880 .. and his friend... 451 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:58,830 .. dead. 452 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,360 Thank you, Mrs Newport. 453 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,350 You say Dieter pinned your husband down then grabbed the golf club? 454 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,430 But in your statement you say Dieter already had the golf club. 455 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:12,830 Maybe I remembered it wrong. 456 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,590 You came in through the front door. 457 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,550 Did you use your keys to get in? 458 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,190 Yes. Yes, I think I did. 459 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:19,710 And yet neither of these men 460 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,150 noticed the noise of you entering the room. 461 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,310 - Well, maybe the door was on the latch. - Oh! 462 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:26,110 Well, now we have two versions. 463 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,670 Latch or key. 464 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,270 Have a think. Which is the lie? 465 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,590 Your Honour, counsel is intimidating the witness. 466 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,950 Excuse me, I am well within Code of Conduct Rule 7.1 467 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,400 and you know it, so siddown! 468 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,790 Why can't you give a consistent description of the attack? 469 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,390 Erm... maybe I've gone over it so much in my head 470 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,470 that I've added things I didn't see. 471 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,360 Maybe I did get there a little later. 472 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,840 "Maybe I did get there a little later." 473 00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,080 No further questions. 474 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:01,320 Shit. 475 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:03,960 Oh, my God. 476 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,190 Oh, my God! 477 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,430 A... A few more questions? 478 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,080 Yes, of course. 479 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,670 Dieter's house is just round the corner from yours. 480 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,950 A few minutes' walk. Correct? 481 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,350 - Correct. - Right, so, there is 482 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,670 one way you could have been there for the killing 483 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,220 and your neighbour could have seen your car pull up ten minutes later. 484 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:29,750 You could have arrived the first time with Dieter. 485 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,310 - That's ridiculous. - You arrived with Dieter, ready to flee 486 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:35,830 when he'd disposed of your husband. 487 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,590 But when Dieter met his end instead, 488 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,750 you fetched your car to cover your tracks... 489 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,950 - No, that's not true. - .. because when the police track 490 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,790 that embezzled money, they're going to find an offshore bank account 491 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,670 in your name, aren't they, Mrs Newport? 492 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:49,760 Yes. 493 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:52,760 Yes. It's true. 494 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,590 Dieter and I were lovers. 495 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,630 It's the only way we could be free to be together. 496 00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:58,870 Harlot! 497 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,710 Maybe. 498 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,710 Or maybe you're a wily seductress 499 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,110 so desperate for money 500 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,190 you slept with your husband's defence counsel, 501 00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,510 hoping love would blind him to your tissue of lies. 502 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,190 Why would you mention that? 503 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,710 - Oh, right, so that wasn't part of it. - No, of course it wasn't. 504 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,070 - You slept with him? - Oh, what's your problem? 505 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:18,710 You're not even married. 506 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,630 We're going out. We were going to move in together, you little prick! 507 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,630 - Hey, Danielle. - Shit! 508 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,160 Oh, I am so sorry! 509 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:33,150 Order in court. 510 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,390 Beat you like a dead horse! 511 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:35,470 Order! 512 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,880 Why don't I have a bloody gavel? 513 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,510 Well, that was intense. 514 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,590 I really thought she was the one, guys, 515 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,030 the one to... grow old with me... 516 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,150 .. type up my memoirs... 517 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,440 .. feed the setters. 518 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,280 Yeah, we've all been on a journey. 519 00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,040 I think my foot is bleeding inside my shoe. 520 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:02,550 Hi, guys. 521 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,630 Eileen said she really loved my cross. 522 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,670 She asked me to work on a big fraud case with her. 523 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,830 See you at the pub? 524 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:10,920 OK. 525 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,150 I've got to shake myself out of this, 526 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,710 see if my dad wants a game of squash. 527 00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:18,510 All's back to normal, then. 528 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,120 Looks like it. 529 00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,230 You all right? 530 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,000 Yeah. 531 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,150 - Hello? - Hey. News on the smash-and-grab. 532 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,750 They found CCTV. They're going guilty in the morning. 533 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,790 Oh. Er, sorry to hear that. 534 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:18,590 Yeah, what can you do? 535 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,560 Sometimes the truth worms its way out in spite of you. 536 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:23,560 Yeah. 537 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,000 - Guess it does. - See you tomorrow.