paper was light gold in medieval times
i want tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
from the long run of london city
[Music]
trees
[Music]
gloria you're only supposed to use a
little steam decongestant
oh bob i've got a terrible car yes it
serves you right
how do you know look gloria that's the
third cold in as many months
you're not eating properly instead of
all the burgers and pizzas and things
you need all that food watch me figure
well i
see you eating all sorts of junk i keep
telling your healthy balance diet is the
only
way to combat ailments gloria
what did you get up to there for i think
your healthy balanced diet has done
something to my stomach
don't you go blaming my good cooking for
your bad stomach
i see you pouring all kinds of things in
that bottomless pit you call your
stomach
like how much rum you drank in the
domino club last night no it's something
i eat that's why i had the pain last
night
and that's why i had to drink some rum
to wash it down
oh hang over pops
i'll get back to get back the creature
from the black lagoon is done
right name that tune is it hello mom
how's it going but i can't continue the
rebels nope
is it jump up grossly by skanking jimmy
and the jumping jammies
no oh don't go nicking my chin no
i'm sorry matthew i ain't feeling myself
this morning
yeah come on just sit down listen yes
man
if you don't feel well go upstairs and
lie down
you're not feeling well this i feel well
it's just that my stomach doesn't
the only way to clear out your stomach
is to drink some stout mixed in with two
raw eggs and grated nutmeg
that will soon clear you out well i want
you out man i did
all you need man i know what i need you
need to lie down
before it gets worse my granny i was
swallowed by poor police
two double scotches and four packets of
them
shaking and not stirring long i mean
that do any good she was a champion
sprinter on her world
no i guess you don't want all these
cranky remedies mate what you got to do
is see a doctor i don't need a doctor
i'm not ill
you're not well neither listen to a pipe
every day that i rise now that i'm in
the twilight of my youth something
always twinges and niggles
if i was to call the doctor every time
something hurt he'll be outside my
bedroom door every morning
let me know that but it's just that you
got to realize that things wear out when
used a lot
that's why people have hip replacement
and things oh by my stomach don't be
replacing anything needs replacing is
your head
what's wrong with my head there's
nothing wrong with my head i make a
simple statement and you make a song and
dance about it
what i say makes perfect sense it does
what you're trying to tell us is that we
humans should treat our bodies the same
way we treat our cars
and get regular checkups because
preventive medicine is better than cure
well if you put it that way yes no
that's not what i'm gonna
yes yes that's what i was going to say
you see somebody understands he's right
desmond you ought to see the doctor
no ah yes a doctor quick hurry
there you go matt closest shape you ever
had mate you can say that again
hello answering machine
surgeries closed they have an emergency
number typical
look we can take a cab to casualty sorry
about this susan
oh no no problem i'll do susan i'll take
him in the motor noise all right
yes man okay okay i'll go what can i
have no no it's all right
right now there's one you're having
clean socks and underpants
of course cause you should know you just
washed them
you want me to come with you no surely
we'll hold my hand but i want to help
all right um you can hold the fort till
i get back
listen tony we gonna call you if you
think we're gonna be there a while
okay okay you're sure you can manage
call certainly manage porpoint me the
dynamic duo no sweat
not exactly queue around the block
well since i'm the senior partner in
this dynamic view
i'm in charge
stop very good
carry on
what day is today tuesday good
why is tuesday good because i hate
mondays and wednesdays are even worse
i see what days don't you like
oh i like most days oh come on man i'm
trying to pass the time there must be
one day
um sunday afternoon yes i hate sundays
as well
what days do you like then
days with you
i always set a cut but that if something
is wrong
check it out thankfully nothing wrong
this time
but i will take the pills all the same
beverly
yes manager who fancy meeting you here
is what wrong with you there's a lot of
calls and flus going around this time of
year
some say like the doctor just know that
there is a particular strain of egyptian
flu
caused by freak weather conditions that
blow egyptian sand into southern england
what is the world coming to when you get
egyptians in your back garden
wait till i tell god but that oh
stomach
that could be anything you know because
you don't know
what them just put in the food they put
seas and d's and ease
irradiation pesticides insecticides
salmonella lysteria botulism
it gets a bad you can't breed anymore
because it might have a legion in the
air
you know what i think i think we should
all grow our own food
and become orgasmic
we were back home growing our own you
didn't hear anybody dying from half the
things that
i'm from no what do you think mr ambrose
yes good luck desmond i'm sure you are
right
i'll see you in a minute
beverly yes sure now what is your theory
on superconductivity well i uh
what
i was just saying how dusty the place is
sheryl are you all right what did they
say
did they have to operate did they cut
out any bits
so which bits i don't eat my bits
but knowing desmond he probably won't
want my bits
cheryl yes popeye
he's not oh he's not no
he's not dead good
i didn't think he'd let us down
so what's the matter oh they're gonna
keep him in
overnight for observation they think it
might be his heart you know
this blood pressure or not heart what do
they mean by heart it's typical of
doctors
you tell them you got a bad stoma they
tell you it's your heart
i bet if i tell them i think i'm black
they're gonna say i'm white
don't be stupid pork pie i'm sorry sir
it's just routine what am i going to do
if
my best and only friend dies
sorry sir i know what i said is selfish
but i can't think straight
it's a time like these you're forced to
think straight
face all them questions you've been
avoiding for a long time
you mean like going home
none of us when we came to england
wanted to die here
lisa valdezman
i know he's not going to die yet but now
he'll want to go home
so that he can
i can't pork pie
there's nothing back there for me
anymore
my life my family my whole existence is
here
32 years is a long time the majority of
my life
i know it'll hurt him i know he got his
heart
set on me going home with him but
i can't poop i
all right i know what to do you give me
your ticket
and i will go with him
we'll buy you all food because i'm of
your old fool that knows how to make you
laugh man
you know you're his best friend hmm
even though desmond jokes with you he's
got the utmost respect for you he does
yeah he's always said next to his family
you're his nearest and dearest he did
[Music]
oh we're the kids they're upstairs
[Music]
where you've been i came as soon as i
heard news yeah five hours later
why was your portable phone i switched
it off
something always happens when you switch
the blasted thing off but how is he
he's with mum i'm still waiting to hear
now what are you all doing here anyway
look even when he's ill you're still
hanging around all right now come on
michael me old son we all know you must
feel
bet he was a well-liked bloke year old
man
i wonder if the boot was on the other
foot how many people would have turned
up for you hey
all right see you're not the most
popular bloke in the neighborhood but
your old man
he was a diamond lee what shut up
look i'm only trying to help relieve
detention round here we're all anxious
right yeah but eye anxiety is not being
helped by you talking in a past tense
don't even know what's happened to him
yet yes we do it's his ticker
the main engine of the body the key
component that pumps life's blood easy
on the graphics hey sean
look right tony what happened yeah well
your old man wasn't no no what happened
in the shop today with my money now
don't worry
cody and i take care of business i was
supervisor
i watched the clients here and uh
pork pie what were you doing don't talk
to me like that
don't you think i'm capable of washing
here boy i think i can't wash here
i wash my own hair so much
had two daughters i used to wash their
hair too
i hope they still got theirs oh shut up
matthew i'm
fed up of the opinion you not seem to
hold of me i
am capable you weren't there when they
went to the hospital i was and i did
everything i could to help
and washing here was a part of helping
out listen
your father is my best friend and we
have a code in guyana before you were
born called respect your elders
so michael son of desmond the barber
respect your elders so you dig
[Applause]
uh look listen pork play i'm sorry okay
oh yeah why
you know we have the same respectful
senior hierarchy in our gambian
community
it is good to know that you west indians
have mandated to hang on to something we
passed down to you
okay yes yeah
thank you did he say
you don't know just be a patient patient
hospitals are funny things they're
supposed to be life-saving centers
but they don't have any life-affirming
things in them
they have cold floors and bare walls
and you're always sweating them because
they're too hot
you turn up the temperature to
compensate for the bare walls
and they always smell of anti deo
disinfectant it's a place to save lives
by the killer household germs dead
i suppose you're all one big household
germ
of course you are and you better shut up
before i
kill you for talking like that i'm all
right i know you
are tell me something
anything when you first looked at me
i mean really looked at me what did you
think
well i thought um what a
handsome talented
sexy rugged cheeky
warm brute you sure you're talking about
me
i married you didn't i only just if your
father had his way
my daughter is wasting her education
because she wants to marry a man who
plays the beauty
good job the boats who are leaving for
england otherwise we would have never
got married
what desmond what did you think
when you first really looked at me
i thought what a stock-up we'll call it
but i'd like to marry her
sure yes my love promised me one thing
before they all rush in what's up that
you'll help me and come back home with
me
we'll talk about it when you're better
right get better first i know what will
make me better guy any sunshine
ah when i build my house back home
it will be me and you in our little love
next wonder about the children
and they can visit us whenever they want
even michael
i need you to come with me you will come
won't you sean
will you
how you feeling fine you
um yes fine
so uh you all right yeah you
[Music]
yes fine look um we don't know what's
wrong yet
more tests we'll know better tomorrow
okay okay
listen dad you know you've got to stop
arguing here why i like arguing you
well because of one of the few pleasures
i have left in life
well okay then you better hurry up and
get out of here so we can get something
to argue about
i don't like to hit a man when he's down
i'm not down yet
okay i better go your audience awaits
you okay
bye-bye dad talk to pork pie will you
i know he's your friend but between tony
mom and myself we can run the shop okay
what about me huh oh yes you as well
you hear that charlie the man is talking
about me as if my dad already
ah
no don't breathe all over me with your
coal
cold
it's gone dad dad can i
look be back by 12 30 or if you're not
tell duncan i will possibly
know his name gloria how many years have
i known you
hopefully a lot longer how you feeling
oh so you want to know feel it yeah
you've got no manners dad i'll tell you
so what pops you're cool i cool
so wait remember chocolates and grapes
and things oh
we rushed straight over didn't we gloria
rush yeah man i mean we're in a rush man
but but i did write this
oh get well done
there are certain things that you take
for granted like sunrise and trees being
planted
the smell of rice and peas coming from
the kitchen that elusive sock that's
always missing
but life changes when they said your old
man's laid up in a hospital bed
so you think of the worst and the fights
that you've had you think hold on they
weren't that bad i said this and he said
that
in the cold light of day it all sounds
flat
but if you heard what i really said i
said hey dad
get out of bed ah that's lovely
yeah come on
this is dread son it's minor
what is it it's a pocket tv mate i use
it on the stalls
i thought they probably should have been
one of those you know poxy wolves
national health service
no creature comforts i mean i ain't
knocking it dez right i was born in one
of these places
and look how i turned uh eh
oh that's nice
what are you doing in my overall well
desmond it's a long story
and you can wait till he gets out to
tell him
what happened in the shop today yeah
well it was fine there's apart from the
fact that
you can all wait i brought you something
to read whilst you're in bed
the dynamics of macro and micro business
management
thank you matthew this is an interesting
read
i'm sure it is well i thought it will
help you understand european business
now that we are going to be linked
permanently with them
okay i think that's enough excitement
for today
all right let's let's get well yeah all
right
ciao
desmond old friend what spoke my old
friend
if you die he's not going to die well if
you die before me
can i have your trumpet no
[Applause]
i think and again
[Music]
manual dexterity was never your fault
here paul fine
give it up while he's still got your
fingers pogie manual manual what you're
trying to say i'm not good with my hands
correct well i worked for 30 years in
the british car industry
i had to use my hands anyway what's so
important about twiddling a comb i know
but you said you wanted to do it i know
anyway come on tony let's get down to
the more serious stuff
are you sure now yes i want to know the
final technique
all right all right listen up listen up
listen up pork pie is now going to
demonstrate that famous
and legendary haircut the pork pie
[Applause]
special
[Applause]
what's it under this man special here's
one i made earlier
i'd like to thank my mom my dad my wife
shirley
[Laughter]
ah well well what
how do you feel i feel
i feel a little better and here's
something that make you feel a whole lot
better father
uh lee please
this is uh a little present to help you
and mother recuperate
oh a two-week trip for two
to guyana
[Applause]
saint lucia
i mean it's all the caribbean in it
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
uh