paper was light gold in medieval times
i want tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
of london city
[Music]
three
[Music]
hey how long is it going to be mum we
better get moving otherwise we'll be
late for the gig man
soon oh no
i brought some sprouts
hey you look slick pops minnows
oh no brussels sprouts
body food smell wonderful shark does
strong it nothing
you look as if you've been crying no
must be the onions
you know it's funny how onions affect
some people that way it never does that
to me
that's because you never cook that's
because i'm no good at it
practice makes perfect well you keep
practicing shirt and i'll tell you when
you're perfect
everybody says yeah yeah you're not
gonna finish your food
it's only half past six yeah but we want
to get there early so we don't miss
anything yeah right
hey listen don't forget to be hosting
the domino competition tomorrow night
and i want sean to help out so don't
keep it up too late more like sean
keeping me at too late come on i gotta
put some makeup on come on i thought you
were ready
i am it's just that my face isn't young
people today they are always in a rush
ah that must be pogba look i better go
listen don't forget to bake the cake for
the georgetown dreamers annual domino
competition tomorrow
i always bake the cake i bake the cake
you play dominoes
i serve your drinks you play dominoes i
clean up the mess you play dominoes
you're not complaining aria
the chair will help you clean up
see you later darling uh don't wake
up i sound like a well-worn record
it's just that you've been saying the
same thing every saturday night for the
past
20 years why you don't say what you
really mean
like i'm going out with the boys to have
a drink and play down the nose don't
wake
up get as much sleep as you can because
when i stuck a home drunk i will wake
you up anyway
you're about to go on an answer no no no
it's just spoke by
listen sure we human beings are
creatures of habit
we tend to do the same things again and
again we do it because we want to know
what we're doing
like i play dominoes every saturday
night and you stay home
i kiss you like so and i walk through
the door
like so would you wave in goodbye so
let's try it all over again shall we
kiss walk
bye-bye don't wake up
do you remember when you lived with a
woman poop pipe what woman
i haven't lived with any woman i mean
your wife you old fool
ah yes i didn't live with her
she lived with me
[Applause]
you live with a woman for 30 years and
she keeps the praise in you
my wife surprised me after 10 years she
surprised me with another woman and she
left
i'm surprised it took her that long well
we can't all maria shirley
some of us have to marry the brendas on
the hands of this world
brendon i thought your wife's name was
gwendolyn
it was i just wish i had married brenda
or ann
anyway what have brought this on all
this talking about women and things
popeye we've been talking about women
ever since we've known each other
that's true and it's about as near as i
get to women these days
you're talking about them somewhere it's
brendan and one day you'll never tell me
about that
i'll tell you later are you looking
rather smart father i know more than
usual
is that you always have your head buried
so far up your father a bank account
but you never notice that your dad can
cut a bit of style now look here i want
you to do me a favor
i want you to referee the domino
competition for me tomorrow night well i
thought the vic always did
that well after last year we won't be
asking him again
he was so full of the holy spirit he
kept doubling the score
oh yes i think i can fit that in ah good
because we want somebody straight
sober and with no sense of humor that's
you turtley
hmm brussels sprouts
oh sorry mother i didn't see you there i
just came in for the uh
for the paying in slips are you all
right you didn't see me
i'm getting used to that hmm
what do you mean well take a good look
michael
something new is it the curtains no i
want you to look at me
okay i'll look at you
what'd you see this is not a game is it
mother because i'm in a bit of a hurry
no sorry
um well when i look at you i see you
my mother of course my dear sweet little
mother
who i love a lot a mother who shouldn't
why you don't see
shirley well well i do but well you're
my mother i wouldn't call my mother
shirley it feels disrespectful
it just about sums it up even my name is
no longer respectable
i just wear a series of labels you don't
you're playing michael uh
not so much of the plane please mother
oh you and your big head
has always been the trouble with you you
know
ever since birth
their head was so big it got stuck and
they had to use for ourselves
there's one sec was because you
inherited his brain
it was a difficult delivery it took a
long time to get over it
well you're feeling better now huh
mother i must go
i'm in a bit of a hurry and i'm running
late look have a nice evening okay
bye-bye bye big head
i know it's traditionally of the
competition to have all here cut
but it's wrong to send a boy to do a
man's job ah you're in good hands vince
like father like son
that's what he's afraid of hoping for
you to screw it down no no no it's
traditional for a father to pass all
these skills to his son
besides birth is insulting me the way
you cut hair you should be used to
insults
is only a short back and sides what
could go wrong
last year you caught it so short it
looked like my
took backside a year to grow now we have
another competition
i'm going to go bald again
where did the tradition of cutting hair
of the day of the competition come from
the same place where all our greatest
traditions come from africa
a bottle of rum hurry up will play the
poor too
okay four two
i win what's the point of paying me to
practice with you if you're going to
cheat
you keep practicing for fire you need it
you've never won a competition yet
i have when when 1963
did he i don't know did he i don't know
you mean you don't remember
well we must have been a bitter ass
rocket talking about cake
has surely made this year's yet no where
is she has anyone seen her
no no well we're supposed to help her
with the cake this morning
i wonder where she's gone well she's a
grown-up responsible woman
and i suppose she's doing what all grown
up responsible women do when they don't
want to be grown up and responsible
what's that gone wrong to a friend to
talk nonsense
who is going to bake the cake i will
listen
good idea i'd rather you bake wrong cake
don't cut my ears sean
what do you know about rum cake i saw in
the mix man
we have another problem what's that who
is going to referee well i've asked
michael no
no no no family connection we want
somebody who is unbiased well michael
will be biased towards me
it will take away the pleasure of seeing
me lose i suggest match you i agree
matthew
what does matthew know about dominoes
enough for you to pay 50 pence an hour
all right matthew's the referee
delighted i'm sure
well done matthew this is the first time
africans and west indians will ever have
helped each other
what's wrong with your eyebrow just a
little eye ailment that comes and goes
every now and then
all right thank you for letting me be
part of this
stupendous west indian occasion to
referee the georgetown dreamers annual
dominance competition
will be a pleasure and a privilege or
just say yes no man
yes
you look like a woman with a lot on your
mind
look at the poor creatures they spend
their lives having other people's
problems
thrown at them no wonder they're called
ducks
knocking and diving
you know i've become quite an expert at
the scale of people's anxieties
one can tell by what they chuck at these
poor blighters
you get crumbs chunks slices
i once saw a man throw a whole french
loaf
you've seen how the moorhens swim around
looking nervous
because they're scared he's coming back
where do i stand on your scale
there's hope yet is that uh
fresh yeah can i
oh are you hungry a little peckish
look there's a nice little tea shop i
used to go to
would you like to come
my name's shirley
well if you won't eat at least you
better tell me your troubles
oh i don't know yesterday i got to the
state where i hated everything
and everybody including myself hmm
even desmond's stupid grin that's
usually guaranteed to make me laugh just
made me want to put a bag over his head
maybe i should put one over mine then
he'd see me
what do you do when nobody sees you
anymore i know what you mean
to most people one's a dirty old bag
lady they don't want to see the
colonel's wife one once was hmm
star begins when you get married you
lose your name when you take on dares
i got married and shirley pleasure
became shirley ambrose
shirley ambrose became surely dishwasher
surely dishwasher became surely nappy
changer
charlie cook became shirley household
appliance
jury household appliance eventually
became surely the invisible
excuse me excuse me could we have a
waitress morty
my children will be leaving home soon
then it'll be just me
and desmond what am i gonna do when it's
just the two of us
maybe i should take up something as a
hobby i need something stimulating
maybe you should have an affair
i did it worked wonders for my marriage
no thanks having to cope with one man is
more than enough
oh no i mean have an affair with oneself
learn to like yourself show pride in who
you
are not what others think you are
make your own choices i made mine
yes well at least i chose to take a walk
today
you see it's a beginning i began
10 years ago when my husband died oh oh
don't worry it was useless really
i never liked the army and what it stood
for but i did love the uniform
when theodore died he entrusted
everything to our sons
including my welfare the boys decided
i would be better off in an old people's
home so
i ran away and came to peckham they're
such snobs they wouldn't be seen dead in
peckham let alone look for me here where
is she it's nearly 12.
well if we don't get this in the oven
soon it's never going to be ready on
time
sean what are you doing be more generous
man gloria what are you doing man it
says free answers not 43.
i know what i'm doing and that's the way
mum makes it and then you add a bit of
rum
no this is the way dad takes it
this is the only cake i know guaranteed
to give you a hangover
why don't they just drink it it'd be a
lot easier
yeah it's all in a mix man it's all in
the mix
[Music]
[Laughter]
my true stop dancing wrong like that
this is a domino's competition not a
boxing match
sorry but i have to make sure that no
one is cheating especially pogba
just who are you calling a cheat no this
is a serious allegation from the african
referee
once more the game is held up not by
pogba's extremely slow play
but by accusations of cheating from the
african referee
i didn't actually say you were cheating
porphy
this is not a joke i demand an apology
from the referee
of course please accept my apologies mr
grant
such drama the african referees
apologized
at the 23rd annual domino knockout
competition here
in pekka
[Music]
ha i got you now vinci baby
couldn't play even if my life depended
on it evincy baby
don't call him against the bb i'm not
playing stop running
off your mouth ah you see more doubters
brothers
i've got news for you again and i
thought
dominus was supposed to be a fast-moving
game
now to be poor flight lazy now you're
listening to me for fun
hurry up or else i will have to penalize
you for wasting time that's not in the
rules or it is now
and i'm the referee member and i'm sure
i have the full backing from the rest of
the competitors oh yes yes
okay okay you wish you never said that
man just play the domino don't shout at
me desmond i shot that you hurry up and
play
all right all right that's the way you
want it you trying to intimidate me
you asked for it you can't play air so
it's my turn again
and you still can't play right so it's
my turn again and again
and this game set on you out of this
competition
why i never felt so good since my wife
left me
i bet she felt even better the grant has
now progressed to the final and will
play ambrose and will beat
ambrose grant beats ambrose gwan beats
him
yes i can and i have when 27 years
gentlemen please shut up matthew you can
see having another argument with pogba
children children children please look
if you don't behave yourselves i'll send
you all to bed without any tea
how's mother i don't know does she come
back yet where's she gone
she's gone missing she's not missing
it's just that
she's not there yeah well it's not like
her oh i wouldn't worry gloria my mum's
always walking out of my dad
last time was when she bought a new
dress and he said she looked like a
marshmallow
did you call shelly a marshmallow
desmond no
of course not why don't you ring beverly
maybe she's there
that's a good idea lend me a phone uh
it'll be cheaper on the pay phone
you mean your money admission and all
you can think about is money you know
they said somebody's really going to go
there i always tell somebody first
when my wife decided to leave she told
everybody
except me in africa when someone is
missing
we say you must first look under your
nose before you look behind your ears
man give me the phone it's a matter of
wife or death
mother did seem rather odd last night
you know she kept talking about how big
my head was at birth
and don't start what else did you think
oh she kept asking who she was and what
i could see when i looked at her
why would she ask that then she said she
took a long time to get over my birth
yeah well who wouldn't that's it
where are you going i'm going to find
your mother do you want any help father
no
well can i come dad nope i think i know
where she might be but what about the
game
there's my numbros you just can't leave
now who am i going to beat in the final
you want to beat the ambrose take my
chair
you see this bigger that's my brain
would you care for a cream cake
no uh thank you i'm not hungry
desmond i'd like to introduce you to my
friend this is
claudia massingham
oh you know i'd be here instinct
after our eldest son was born times were
hard and i used to get
really low desmond used to bring me here
to cheer me up
you could only afford one part butter
tea and one cream cake which we shared
so you're really low now i was
but this lady helped me realize what i
really want
and what's that come on girl
spit it out last night did you mean what
you said when you said what you did
yes i think so
so really get you down well sometimes
and i'm sure i get you down
look i'm sorry about last night i didn't
realize
you love me desmond what kind of a
question is that
i'll tell you when we get home i want to
know now um that in fear surely
okay yes i do you not do which part of
me do you love
what well
i i talk about love the usual parts you
know
all the little parts of me a big part
why are you doing this to me because you
fail to see the real me any longer
you just see the labels wife
mother shopper cake maker
you don't see the me you married the me
i want to be again
do you yes surely pleasure
i want to put myself first for a while
all right i'll put you first too
i had a dominoes
yes
great
oh shut up now if i play
this then he will play that
and then i will play this and then that
no no i didn't need to play that one
you know the rules it's my eyesight man
your old age give me a chance now
pork pie this is a competition
[Applause]
when he gets all excited yeah well they
do say men are basic animals once
aroused
i declare ambrose junior who deputized
for ambrosinia
the winner for this year's georgetown
dreamers knockout competition
how can we win the competition he's not
a georgetown dreamer
you've lost
[Music]
[Applause]
oh wait you win he win
what did i tell you when it comes to
really serious matters you can always
rely on michael domino man
what did i tell you got a great bread in
it and you know we get it wrong
[Laughter]
you made the cake i'm good you managed
without me yeah we used your recipe
more or less oh that smells nice
ah you first died thank you desmond
[Applause]
[Music]
hmm
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
do
[Music]
uh