paper was light gold in medieval times
i want tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
trees
[Music]
who wants to buy tickets for the charity
you do at my club oh
no sleep how many more charity dudes
your club gonna run this week
as many as your buy show and whose
pockets are relaying to dearly
homeless single-parent one-eyed martians
dez
no seriously it's gonna be a great do
first class cuisine
music for all tastes even matthews frank
bruno will be doing a raffle
there'll be so many prizes there'll be a
prize for the person who wins the most
prizes
yeah tell me something if i was to buy
all the raffle tickets you had on you
could they win the one praise i've
wanted ever since i've known you
i should think so this what is it that
you stop trying to sell us raffle
tickets
[Music]
uh-huh
mash down me flat for the tunnel
well done matthew now that you have
mastered reading
you can move on to arithmetic
there's a terrible thing that channel
tunnel is going to do if god wanted us
to be a part of europe he would have
built a tunnel in the first place
well i'm sorry to destroy your theory
pogba but in fact
england was once part of europe you see
it was
once part of europe and that even he
realized he made a mistake
but pogba how you expect to get support
with a slogan spelt like that nobody
will understand
it well uh oh well that's deliberate mrs
ambrose you see
people who don't understand it will come
up and say what does it mean
yeah we wrote it you mean to tell me my
daughter was just taking her a-levels
well that sign is a mockery well i hope
your exam results were better than that
coast i will fail world pogba i think
you need a more effective way of making
your feelings felt
i do yes in the gambia we say why wash
your smalls in your bag garden where you
can wash your dirty underwear in public
oh blow on me my feet sure they have a
wipey words didn't you
what this means is instead of just
parading that run locally
you do much better by writing a strong
letter to a national newspaper
and what paper are you talking about the
financial times of course
that's how to reach the kind of people
who are investing in the channel channel
you think the financial times is going
to print a letter by pork pie of pekka
with my help they might i don't need
your help to write
i can write for myself well i've yet to
see the day when i let in a newspaper
changed anything
oh desmond but he's got to do something
i mean how would you feel if after
living in your flat for 30 years
you'll suddenly get a notice through
your letterbox saying because of a
tunnel being built a hundred miles away
they're gonna knock it down yeah
they're always complaining about how all
for the estate is i mean like that but
that is different them don't have to
knock it down
disgusting they'll fall out and buy us
don't you yeah on the one hand you have
large areas of land populated by very
few
so they decide to tunnel under that on
the other hand you have the densely
populated built-up areas
they decide to knock them down to build
an overground rail link no we don't make
no sense
oh it makes perfect sense to the
planners because they live in the
large areas populated by a very few
so what we have to do is put pork pie's
feelings into ft language
oh that's easy fighting the tunnel
[Music]
empty fighting
[Music]
[Applause]
oh gloria no gloria ambrose failed
english politics and art for gloria you
didn't even pass one
you couldn't call money to fail do you
think i set the exam and said gloria
today you're gonna fail you're not even
gonna pass one
oh i'm sorry darling
well i suppose part of this is due to
you and louise spending too much time
recently
championing good causes when the real
cause you should have been fighting was
passing your exams
i did spend time on my own work i worked
hard
did my best maybe your best ain't good
enough
maybe exams are not for you what you're
trying to say mom
well i'm just saying gloria maybe you're
wasting your time with these exams and
maybe you'd be better off getting a job
you're supposed to encourage me think
i'm fit don't you
i didn't say that and i never will i'm
just
expressing an opinion
but your father's opinion will be ever
knows
oh he took sean to the station for this
biology field trip
he'll be back soon oh cool oh
gloria it's not the end of the world
thanks mom
mom can you do us a favor oh don't worry
i won't tell your father i'll leave that
one to you
dad about that little matter about my
exams
and about that little matter about me
passing them well i
haven't sorry oh you want me to speak
louder
i ain't passed useless
listen pops just rest up let me chat
that won't do either
oh dad i'm gonna come clean i've been
meaning to tell you i'm talking to
yourself already claw i've got only old
people did that hi louise what's our day
is it fine so you know it's going to
rain
listen i'll pass politics braid a
i didn't think i'll grant like me let
alone give me top marks
english wasn't so good grade c but glor
i did brilliant at
art and to think we're out campaigning
all the time i never really worked that
hard to get lost louise
i don't want to hear how brilliant
you've done now you didn't have to work
hard for it
people like you make me sick oh i'm
sorry glor
you didn't pass did you
grade a in deduction failure intact
[Applause]
[Music]
louise
gloria are we still friends
i really am sorry about your exam
results
i'm going there gloria
i'm going gloria
i've gone
what was that lee that's great this well
drastic
drastic i'll give you a drastic building
right in who's going to buy the last 12
tickets for my dinner and dance
how many do you have in the first place
12.
look i'll tell you what i'll do right
they're 20 quid each eh
you give me a 20 quid bonus and i'll let
you have a pair
for 10 quid each how about that then
there's a catch in there somewhere
think about it i'll wait here till you
think about it do you remind me
we are trying to write a letter and
you're disturbing a collective train of
thought oh why okay
what do you want to say to them big
financial support here are my demands
number one they must not build a tunnel
through my flat
number two there's no number two yet
come on paul pie you ain't gonna win the
arts of the nation with statements like
that now are you
next no written pope pie listen
you have to make it simple and direct
um dear editor i am a widower
living at number one thirteen dagmart
house peckham london
southeast 15 40 x yes they don't need
the postcode
man you don't know nothing it make it
get there quicker
now peckham is and has been
the center of my universe for the last
30 years
now 20 years is too sharp make it 60
years yeah if i live there that long
i'll be dead
do you want us to write your letter or
not you write yours and i'll write mine
thank you shirley
that can have a word of course darling
what is it well
in private janet we're too late to be
busy yeah well it's just like i'm going
to tell you why did you look at the
cricket last night boy on television
i tell you indies cricket team like
they've gone west i don't know around
with them
i mean when they had batman like warren
weeks on one what i mean get me
hey tony darling
i mean our appointment is until tomorrow
i'm honored for a photographic session
and i
need a bit of umph that only you can do
are you going to have a bit of um
frederick hello vanessa while these fair
ends caress yeah
thanks darling
yes i'm watching you open oh yeah i'm
rose you old top
friend so you two know each other then
now we're total strangers well here's a
stranger
they'd like to meet this stranger lee
vanessa vanessa lee
charmed yeah get off
i don't know where your mouth been
what happened to you then well when i
left school
here you're not still there are you yeah
you're not
anyway when i left school one became a
model darling
yeah didn't get many jobs to begin with
then it really took off
i've flown all over the world these days
far east
middle east bahamas it's getting a bit
boring though oh i'm sure it is
here you should give it a go you know
you're not bad lucky
and franco ranelli and my photographer
he's always looking for models
he'll sort you out a portfolio not me
and my door gotta be joking
you met a really good male gloria what
really
they are darling
oh that's great darling super
i won't do that tone you never know
where a mouse been
is what you say his name was full full
of wife
and you can get that idea out to your
head you see the benefits of an
education popeye
my daughter doesn't have to be a model
she can be anything she wants doctor
liar
she have big ambitions get a degree and
go to university
i mean look i don't want to embarrass
you but i mean that vanessa only got one
thing going for her
ain't a bad thing over this you can
choose gloria i mean if you want to be a
model
after you've got your a levels and your
degree that's up to you you'll have
something to fall back on oh by the way
how did you get on with your mocks
have the results come here sir yeah
i felt the moon you did what
all of them how would you feel like
all you got to do is drop
i mean nowadays you don't even have to
do that just chuck a pile of bricks in
the middle
how can you feel that no it's not as
simple as that dad exams are not meant
to be simple
i should have just took mom's advice and
got a job mum's what
got a job i the one with you
there's no need to shout desmond if you
want to talk to me then do it in an
orderly fashion oddly all right i'll
order you upstairs michael
after you shirley thank you desmond and
i'm not finished with you yet young lady
what do you mean by telling her to get a
job i didn't tell her anything i was
just
expressing an opinion parents don't
express opinions to tell the children
what to do
don't worry gloria i have failed a good
few exams in my time yeah that's why
he's still a student at the age of a
[Applause]
hundred
anybody think you just killed the pope
worse than that
killed their dreams
desmond you see i know you talked to me
first
okay now that we've broken the ice
may we start this day again only this
time pleasantly
pleasantly all right good morning
desmond good morning shirley
did you sleep well oh yes thank you
shirley in sean's bedroom
well if you behave childishly you
deserve to be treated like a child ah
that was low i feel that right here what
happened
pleasantly sorry okay we both behave
childishly but i think you're a bit hard
on gloria you know
you ought to apologize to her she should
apologize to me after all you see that
failure exams not me
don't you think she knows that are you
telling me hola pekka money rubs out
into the world i didn't tell the older
beckham
just a few friends and tony and some
customers
anywhere is my shop yes stubborn old
fool
now you go and make it up to your
daughter otherwise she might become
something worse than a model or a
topless dancer what can be worse than
that a resentful teenager
wow you look great
if it weren't so early i couldn't
believe my eyes i wasn't so worried i
could open mine
i'd love to start this early in the
morning well apart from sneaking past
your old man
franco ranelli is giving me a special
discount for off-peak hours
he's sorting you out before his regulars
lee you did check him out didn't you
well i'll let you down glor
i told you with tony's grooming and my
management we're a team
come on you've got to go for it girl
you've really got to go for it
i mean look at that figure yeah i know
blue ciao
i've always wanted to do that without me
don't know where your mouth's been
well this is ridiculous it doesn't seem
to be here
trouble with this newspaper is
everything looks the same
i can't find your letter either well
perhaps matthew they don't like your
style
your mo probably didn't like what i was
saying exactly
are you sure you're right but of course
i am being an organized man
i made a photocopy of the letter before
i took it around by hand
dear sir in view of the sizeable capital
investment in the channel tunnel and its
affiliated rail links
i feel it's incumbent upon those of us
who reside within the pale use of the
civic redevelopment
i think which is in the short match
which will ask the children's bedtime
away
[Music]
oh popeye i'm sorry but your letter is
not in today's ft
oh no i'm sorry i don't try
well you know what they say no ft
no comment never mind i expect
it will be in tomorrow's eh matthew yes
there may have be no need
tomorrow wait you're planning to kick
the bucket
finally turn to page
a plea for beckham them can't do that
do what mash down may flat for the
tunnel
you're spoke by grant of pekko
how did you manage that i wrote it
myself
and turned it in last night well pogba
i'm ashamed of you writing a letter in
that newspaper
the paper that everybody reads but
nobody admits to buying
well my message is for the masses well
nobody i know reads that run
oh boy just reginald williams
lily i've just cut you out of my will
why what we're done
you just bought a copy of that mate oh
what is i didn't buy it
i was selling tickets in a caf it was
lying on the table
wait a minute there is a leader about
pogba's letter
what it says today the voice of the
little man
is head throughout the land pensioner
porque
puts it perfectly for peckham grab this
white hole
the man in them sweet said them can't do
that
you know there was a time when the
english newspapers were the envy of the
world now they're a joke
i mean what kind of journalist would
right grab this oh i wouldn't mind
grabbing this
h3 i mean what kind of man takes these
pictures
franco renee he can't be a proper
photographer
thank you you know so
excuse me i've got to see a man about a
dog
get knotted you pervert next time i see
her get me brother onto ya
he's got a decent job he doesn't try to
take your clothes off
oh and here's the other pervert well you
come in stereo now do you
look like i'm really sorry come on i'll
take you home
i'll walk
[Music]
i trusted you i put my faith in you and
i was really upset and now you've let me
down
but i came as soon as i could go away
and leave me alone
oh come on babe i said i'm sorry or more
joint eh
i want you to leave me alone
officer that man's trying to proposition
me to get in his car
no no you can't oh would you please
arrest him for curb calling and sexual
harassment
listen mate i can explain it's been a
terrible mix up i'll tell you what
happened i wasn't doing anything wrong
do i look like a pervert come
on just a minute man hold on yes
yes you want to interview me on the air
uh super uh what the what time will you
send to the car
7 00 pm i'll be here
desmond's a barber shop uh beckham oh no
i don't live there no i'll be there
having my weekly uh manicure
jasmine your celebrity trim and shave
please
man it's only a radio man i still want
to look good on it
well there is no point put your hairs in
grace's pop pie
they want you to be yourself the common
man
so what happened to lee you won't be
seeing him for a while what's that into
the same thing that should happen to you
i just popped in to say i'm really sorry
no i'm sorry look we do me a favor yeah
what we don't coach me for exams i don't
intend to fail again
oh gloria we missed your breakfast you
all right yeah i'm all right thank that
come
desmond haven't you got something to say
to your daughter
no there's mother
i think you want to apologize to gloria
i do
you do all right step this way my little
sugar plum
we're going ah somewhere a bit more
private uh-uh you're humiliated gloria
in public so you'll make it up to her in
public
dear gloria i am sorry about my outburst
um i do sometimes
fly off the handle i i don't sometimes
fly off the handle but i have been known
to behave like a perfect idiot
and i have been known to behave like a
perfect idiot
that's all right dad you just take after
[Applause]
me
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
do
[Music]
uh
you