paper was light gold in medieval times
i want tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
from the long nights with an ocean
[Music]
breeze
don't scratch my sofa
let's keep the music
so box put yourself in the mirror and
leave my shadow alone
yeah so come on lily i had to get on
last night and mate and i'll get on
what do you mean i'll get on well that
seemed like a very simple question to me
did you win or did you lose look at my
face joe
pretty is adele was born does he sort of
like the face of a loser
i hate him so hard he won't be able to
sit down for a week what does city know
have to do with boxing
well hit the deck so many times he's
probably got a very bruised bottom disc
i don't know what i was supposed to be
richard yeah
well i don't just stand there give me a
hand
do you look as if you've been six rounds
with me
for a wife i thought the idea was that
you timed lee
while he did the run-in well we managers
must be able to keep up with our boys
manager since when did you become my
manager uh you see
i became your manager and you didn't
even know it talked
about strategy the element of surprise i
don't need a manager
that's not what you said last night it
was either that the crowd behind you
i managed to get them going when i
shouted come on the peckham prince will
give you lips
i joined him with that yeah man well
they must stupid on you pork pie
doesn't mean you should have seen him
last night the man did some fancy
footwork even fred astaire would have
problems with
fighting between him and bobby the brute
the prince will take the crown
ellie it called so well listen disney
old son
i got a couple of tickets here oh come
on there's the final mate
ringside seats pay for a score what'd
you say hey do we speak the same
language or what uh
uh uh i'll have to no desmond that's a
lot of money to pay to see someone
getting beaten up we're not really sure
it's about the average price for
entertainment no it doesn't take all
that entertainment
well i i just want to see a good man win
oh look shell
before you give you such a downer
boxing's a noble art of
self-defense professional boxing has a
reputation of plucking down and at yobos
and making them into somebody it didn't
do that for me because i knew i was
somebody the day i was born
oh look shel before you knock it right
do me a favor please come to the fight
this is my big chance shell
really break my heart if you weren't
there to see me win what'd you say hey
sure
it's only going to cost you 20 quids i
can't
i can't just sit there and watch
somebody trying to beat you up
well i could yeah stick me down for two
will you mate
don't let me stand in your way desmond
all right i'll have two tickets please
two yes for me and my mistress please
what are the bookies giving and you're
beating bobby the brute
well the bookies have it that he's
favorite two one him fight one me
but i'm gonna beat him and i five to one
i'm going to have some of that so will i
desmond look you can bet on horses dogs
sheep cows or crabs for our life
but you can't bet on people damaging
each other give it back
give it back god we reach
thank you thank you you were there when
i needed a crush well i'm glad i offered
you mine i'm sure you are
happy for you'd never believe what
happened to me
oh take your time we got all day i mean
was it a book
a play a song desmond this is a very
serious matter
go on beverly well i had just come out
of the supermarket
and i was taking a shortcut across the
car
park you know the one shirl with a
broken paving stone i tripped and
twisted my ankle
as i progressed towards the street a han
grabbed me from behind and tried to
steal my bag
oh hold on i was drive to the ground
and i mash up my glasses two people pass
by
and never do a thing not a thing maybe
the thought he was trying to help you
yeah he was trying to help himself to
her money
sometimes you can misread situations
yeah no i don't mean poop i
oh you do i mean you're the kind of
person who would pass your fellow woman
by
i mean what is this world coming to when
being mocked is seen as being helped
then
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
that's sexual equality for you did she
get away with anything
no well some pills on cockbutt's dinner
she couldn't take anything else because
i keep my money
in a hidden place uh yeah yes well i
think you better keep that place uh
the seashell that's why i need to come
to fight next week pick up a few tips
make sure this sort of thing doesn't
happen to you but don't you have to face
your opponent when you're boxing
yeah well she was attacked from behind
all right quite taken
beverly why don't you go upstairs and
find gloria she'll make you some tea oh
thank you shirley
i couldn't go home i had to tell
somebody well of course you did gloria
look after beverly please look i'm off
you'd be lucky now
yeah yeah
it's mr woo good afternoon mr desmonds
and mrs shirley calmer shirley mr wu yes
mr shirley hello mr wu
how are you hi
and how is business business is fine mr
desmond i am chinese really polite there
matthew
i was only joking when i said that chow
it was greasy the other night
i know how can we help you mr wu i don't
need any help
it's my uncle he needs help mr shirley
my uncle needs a haircut
you see he just come from hong kong and
this afternoon he has an interview for
an important job
an important job i'll give him
an important effort you know this this
one's important
don't you think i should do it no no i
want mr desmonds to do it
oh thank you mr wu um what kind of a
haircut would he like
oh mr desmond special mr desmond special
yes shot back inside i'll leave my uncle
your capable hands mr desmond
so until later mrs chai ciao man
i got him on that seater
you can barely climb onto the chair i
wonder how important this job of his is
well there is an old african saying do
not judge a book by the color of its
skin
are you sure that's right of course it's
as african as i am
what it means is that a man may seem
frail but possess
amazing inner strength or may seem
intelligent and talk amazing bilge
what's wrong with you moving in power
your couch hello
speak english
listen uncle i just
want to cut your
hair i mean what kind of a job is he
going for if you can't speak english
listen mate i think he's trying to tell
you something and i thought he wanted to
dance
i think he's trying to think now look
here this is my shop and i know how to
deal with my customers in which you
happen to be one
so shut your mouth keep your backside
you can speak his language yeah
cantonese
i don't believe you you making it up
all right all right prove it tell him to
stand up and put his fingers in his ears
see that for you must never judge a book
for the color of his skin
he wants you to use a pair of scissors
oh i see all right all right unless you
tell me
uh what is this important job he's going
for
a camera
teaching english at the local school
oh mr simmons hello louise you know him
mary teaches self-defense then the local
community center oh dudley nanna come he
never told me about it before
cause you wasn't interested well i am if
he's gonna teach me so am i
he's much too young beverly no i'm
interested in learning martial arts
late for that it's never too late i
don't want anybody to mug me and i'd
feel
much easier if i knew how to defend
myself i mean the trouble this martial
acts rubbish is that it's too
ritualistic
i mean somebody come up to muggy and say
no don't do that uh
stop it um i am proficient in martial
arts
then if he or she appointed if
he or she still wants to mug you you
just go into this
oh
[Music]
by which yeah they're gone with your
money you know it always makes me laugh
when i'm kung fu men going to fight each
other then put out their hands and shout
hiya i always want to say i'm all right
how are you
don't mock what you don't understand you
know what i mean matthew well there's
another african city you don't want to
hear any old africans saying
anything when do you run these glasses
oh we run to women's class tuesday
nights don't you mr simmons
yes you know you should try it mrs
ambrose it's very useful
oh i'd like to try it so would i won't i
do all for that kind of thing
no it's for all ages um can i come too
no it's strictly for the birds mr
simmons
could you give us a little demonstration
so we can find out more about it
well i could come around tonight what
perfect
you would give up your shop for an
evening wouldn't you desmond mr simmons
uh what is the cantonese for over my
dead body
[Laughter]
nope
so louise what's the first rule you have
to know how to fall correctly
oh i could fall for him any day he's
just got a little action man in his oh
gloria
okay louise
right so let's just say then that i'm
walking down the street and someone
tries to attack me from behind
a bit like what happened to beverly
[Applause]
what are you doing i don't know i can't
see downstairs around the corner you're
supposed to listen to what they're doing
look all i'm hearing is higher wire
higher wire
yes mud we must let the women practice
in peace
why well because well because they have
forbidden us to go downstairs
but that is my shop they're practicing
and it comes to a pretty past when a man
can't even go into his own shop
i'm not standing for it go downstairs
and see what the women are doing
well she said it's your shop why don't
you go all right i will
in a minute you see you're afraid of her
i'm not afraid yes you are
are you afraid nope when you go down
there all right i will
better where am i going is you who want
to find out
get your backside done downstairs all
right
matthew you're sure you know how to fill
out the betting slips well i'm good i'll
show him
no all right right
i know how to fill it in it's only the
jargon i'm not familiar with
i mean what does each way mean i thought
houses only ran one way
i didn't realize they ran back as well
each way means if you think the horse is
going to come second or third
we're not talking about horses we're
talking about lake
well in that case i think i'll put five
pounds on lee
each way three only
in boxing you don't come second you just
lose but if you're losing your temper
then why don't you do it yourself
because i've explained to you that
surely don't like me betting on boxing
oh
yeah yeah
well you see uh it's just that uh
there's no want to know how much float
he has in the till he knows how much he
got in the tail he's 30 pounds
yes i i know he just want me to check it
again go ahead sit down poop
charlie but i said
i don't move
stop point
[Music]
touches
tail what's keeping pool pay
i can't hear a thing go down there and
see what's keeping poof pay
but desmond no men are allowed go down
there and see why pogba is not up here
desmond what am i going to say when i
interrupt their class
well just tell them you're looking for
porpay
now you try
on where till i tell god but this
no wait wait a minute i think we need a
volunteer for this don't we beth
yes we do poor pie who me
i don't want you to touch me with that
stick there's your volunteer
well i will gladly be of any assistance
[Music]
what do you want well desmond has sent
me to come and see what's happening to
pork pie
men i just can't stand it when women
decide to do their own thing
they might ridicule it but deep down
they're jealous of what they're missing
out on
matthew i want you to attack me
hey
[Applause]
oh come on dez you'll be having like a
par bear with a sore
egg is not my head beverly hit
everything in kung-fu
oh that's it i've got you all drift
you're scared if you get a bit lippy
cheryl just might karate chop you're
slinging over a rib no i just don't like
the idea of grown-up women fighting you
just don't like the idea of your church
you've been invaded days
month what you're saying is it's all
right for you
to go and watch lee fight but it's not
all right for your wife to take
steps to stop her being beaten up by a
mother no no i don't mean that to me you
have my blessing to do kung fu you can
come foo till the cows come home
don't tease and toast please cheryl
shall you just keep your hands for
yourself i don't want to be kung food
just teased and toasted you won't hit
the man when he's down would you
please until it's coming up
did you put down the bed yes i did the
woman behind the chair kept saying
five to one as fast i thought she meant
the time but it's only ten o'clock
in the end i just gave her the money and
she handed me the ticket oh good
we are going to win you know what i know
i'm going to win money
no i'll never guess when the backs of my
legs are itchy
and how are they today
[Laughter]
well good afternoon sir welcome to
desmond's beauty salon
he needs a beauty farm i said uh
it's very warm no it's nice rainy
we like the rain it must be the only
fold it does
and uh and what would sir lake
so were like desmond special you'll see
it's getting around yeah
i look rough tough and ugly and that
won't be hard
well i said that wouldn't be difficult
to do and uh what a sirs lane of
business
what's your ah nothing it just helps to
pass the time you know what they say
i hear dresser can be a man's best
friend
i should say an airdresser is a nosy
basket
but i'll tell you anyway
i'm a boxer they call me the bro you
heard of me
yes yeah yeah tomorrow night i'm
fighting some punts who calls himself
the pecking prince
he won't have a face left to put a name
on because he thought was coming
i think you better go and get his money
back yes
let's go
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
oh yeah
adrian adrian i'll do this for you again
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
ah
stupid woman oh my god
[Laughter]
this one i tried to get the money back
from the veteran's
you would shop a big organization like
that would give back a measly five
pounds to a customer
who wasn't satisfied with his purchases
oh yes and what organization are we
talking about here
you're the one that don't give you back
your money yeah yeah yeah most
organizations shall
don't you mean the ones that don't give
you your money back once you place the
bet
well i mean they seem so stupid they
wouldn't give the money back even though
the fight hasn't started yet
thank you matthew
yes you know what i think yes i know dan
surely this self defenses unleash the
beast in me
i am not free to walk the streets
probably warp me again mug again
no i mocked him i did a diss and a duck
on a duck
and he fly all over my shoulders and
went crash bamba damn on the ground
who went crash bam
he was trying to mug you no he came up
behind me to try and help me carry cut
butt's fish
and before i knew what i was doing i
remember mr simon's training and
crash bam bada what has happened to my
boy
i think i'll leave him in a state of
shark and look understated i mean
look my heart is sure beverly you go
upstairs have a wash and make yourself
some tea
oh thank you shirley you see how
dangerous this martial arts can be
and you wouldn't even allow me to
practice the noble act of boxing
get back the brew that's it mock me i
thought your fight wasn't until tomorrow
well it won't be now because i
dislocated my shoulder
that's what comes from training without
your manager
so uh what happened lee
well i was
i was sparring in the gym this afternoon
you know yeah
and i thought i'd take out some my
aggression on my spine partner showing
what i was going to do to the brute
well we've done a couple of rounds and i
was doing l1 too
when i i slipped on a wet patch
dissicating my shoulder and bumped me on
the corner of the ropes
you must be in a state of shock well i
feel a lot better with
cup of tea and some dumplings sure
fine well you just go upstairs relax and
i'm sure beverly will make your cup of
[Applause]
[Music]
tea
[Applause]
[Music]
do
[Music]
um
you