paper was light gold in medieval times
[Music]
oh no tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
tree
[Music]
listen to this
the dream dictionary says that if you
dream you're a fish swimming about in
the ocean
it means you've got an endless sexual
appetite and once that's got to do with
sex and since when do you need a
dictionary for dreams i mean a dream is
a dream dreams don't go from here to zen
to go all over the place the dream's
gonna be significant though i had a
dream some dreams can be significant
yeah yes i've always found dreams
fascinating you know i have the wildest
dreams well that doesn't surprise me no
what are your dreams about then tony i
no i don't remember them oh you know you
had a dream if you can't remember oh but
we all have dreams we don't remember i
had a dream i remember mine
all right tell us what it was and we'll
look it up
well
i was walking down this road
with a sweet potato and a carrot
and uh you see we were on our way to a
restaurant to have lunch
well anyway we got there and
we were shown to the table by a parsnip
and you know what was on the menu
so what these vegetables wanted to eat a
pork pie
i always thought that you were strange
but i can now definitely say you're mad
everybody look who i just found out hey
royce matt london carlin remember the
siege he's come to see us about making a
program a program what here
yes we'll definitely have to dress it up
a little
what's the problem about it no it's no
big deal really we've got a new slot 10
minute docus i was thinking of calling
this one
blacks to the future
well i like it anyway
it's a bit marginalized again and what's
your name sweetie gloria gloria great
marginalized i like it no no no what we
want to do this time is to present some
positive images of black people
we were thinking of starting wednesday
here for a day and we thought we could
use you use us yes the nation's heart
went up to this family after the siege
the amount of fan mail i got was amazing
fan mail we got was amazing didn't you
get any no my office never sent you no
no never mind so
what do you think about my blacks the
future idea i mean doesn't it sound sexy
to you oh positively sexy
leroy did i ever tell you i was a lead
singer with a band no well if you would
slip in a couple of tunes then i could
show you how talented i am yes ma'am we
are hey leroy i couldn't bring the
brothers alone could i brother's brother
well you know just to be in the
background whilst you're cutting hair
leeroy i only want you to film this side
of my face you know this is my best side
problem
i always thought you sat on your best
me on side tv my mum's gonna love this
you know i always thought i'd be there
listen leroy you don't have any agents
look i must make one thing very clear
this feature is about the story behind
the story
so we'll only be using the patel file
ambrose yeah family
this is docus baby
what you mean
cheap limited budget catch my dream but
i am a part of the family yeah this
program is about a black family we're
all part of that you know i'm saying
well if there's any problems there's my
card all right
very nice very nice excuse me
hello leroy smart who's london calling
now then what listen mate your firm
don't need any cameras do they no we've
got plenty of cameras what do we need is
good cameraman
no mate fresh out of camera man
but i'll tell you what i have got
you don't fancy a couple of tickets to
see pavarotti i've got a couple if
you're interested well i'll take them
bring them on wednesday ciao
wednesday
what's happening on wednesday then
we all going to be tv stars we are going
to be tv stars yeah family only and i've
known this family longer than you sean
oh pogba don't be so childish actually
listen popeye sometimes you have to
accept certain decisions that's what
being an adult is all
about listen disney old son
would you accept that uh most people
have um
skeletons in their cupboard well
other families have skeletons in their
cupboards yes
hello dad
i've been looking for my life
there's more but journey i can explain
right
i don't know what you're talking about
[Laughter]
i don't know why you call this stupid
meeting i suppose you want to instruct
us how to behave on television in case
we make idiots of ourselves correct no
well the only person who's going to make
an idiot to themselves on television is
you i mean walking on a bank with a
stupid haircut like that
i mean i suppose you got it styled by a
landscape gag
desmond stop being provocative
look it's only natural that we all sit
around and discuss how the television
people gonna present us i mean just
because somebody wants a poker camera in
your face you tend to get stupider than
actors if you're a star oh my god was to
ask the man if you want to hear me sing
you did what look i think we should keep
close tabs on that leroy smart on what
he does with that program and i'd like
to volunteer as the one that keeps very
close to him yes i bet you dude well i
don't think we should do this program
well let's face it mom's right as soon
as television is mentioned dad thinks
he's nat king cole
and gloria's peckham's answer to janet
jackson
michael what are you talking about we've
got to do i've told all the brothers
there's something not quite right here i
mean my son the entrepreneur the one
who's always giving me grief about
raising the profile of the shop how to
get more customers to make more money
this is an opportunity for millions of
people to see me
you i mean us
i mean that hairstyle must have done
something to your head boy and if you
don't want to be in this program fine no
one's asking you to be you don't even
live here tell him sister look i think
this could all be a terrible mistake
michael stop pussyfooting and tell us
why you already don't want to do this
i'll get on with it boy
okay i've been shortlisted for promotion
at the bank how short and which list
i'm currently numb
the 10 in the pecking order you don't
want us to blow your chances well yes
this might you see i mean the selectors
might say it in this once again michael
is ashamed of us
what you doing desmond i'm calling lee
to tell him to bring that skeleton wrong
here because that ain't no son of mine
say down desmond charlie said all right
leroy smart said he wanted to present us
as positive images of black people
now we all know we get a lot of that
negative stuff right
and if i have anything to do with this
the ambrose family will come across as
ourselves
bright
positive intelligent
that includes your father
and since you are up for promotion what
better way to show them who you are and
where you come from
michael for someone who can be as
selfish as you
i'm surprised you missed that
opportunity
am i that selfish yes
well i suppose we can at least make some
money money
you mean we get paid
have you got this problem
oh my
popeye you upset about this television
thing
nope
i just vexed that i won't be able to say
what i wanted to say what was that and i
wanted to complain about my block of
flats why the lips don't work why people
use it as a toilet
why when you're a pensioner they put you
on the 19th floor instead of the first
and i would like to kidnap that
architect who built it and make him live
in it
well it's a good thing without a parent
with a list of complaints like that
really ended up in a four-hour epic
that's it desmond rose robert
you can keep your family to yourself i
don't want nothing to do with your
family oh come on porpoy you can't sit
there sulking about it all day
whosoever you just shut up and play with
your scissors
i know exactly how you feel pork
parmesan as soon as a bit of fame and
fortune comes their way they abandon us
well i tell you what if it happened to
me i do exactly the same
how nice to see you you know i might
never call you leroy not at all um did
my agent agent uh my son michael contact
about my contractual rings oh yes yes
yes you did ah
how much we gonna get
nothing nothing
well this is the costly endes man
we in television have to make vital
decisions we have a responsibility to
our viewers we have to give them
programs that keep them glued right up
from the start
the pitch on this program is wrong pitch
what you saying well one thought that
after speaking to michael that the
family lacked charisma family and i mean
program lacked charisma so until next
time ciao
no
well i think you're all being a bit hard
on michael it wasn't his fault it wasn't
he wasn't so boring we'd be on a tv they
never said i was boring they said we
lacked charisma same difference what
exactly did you say to him look i don't
understand you lord who was the one that
told you about the money you could get
and who was the one who blew it oh wait
a minute who didn't want us to do it in
the first place yeah stop it
look there's no point crying over spilt
precisely look it's only a tv program
how many programs we watch each day eh
half of them we don't watch on the other
half we don't even care about but if
it's charisma he wants then we'll give
it to him
i like it when my wife talks like that
bold and assertive
thank you this one now what do you have
in mind
well i don't know well i haven't thought
about it yet look i'll go around and
talk to him try different no no
nothing to lose
look i'll take him out
i think it's somewhere special it'd be
my treat
well if you pay
[Music]
so
how long have you been riding
on and off
well uh more often on actually oh so
you've been thrown a few times uh no
well i mean yes
don't worry it happens to the best of us
i know so what writing club do you
belong to uh
club uh well i i don't anymore not
enough time to justify the expense i
know what you mean
why do you think our family is going
that's not what i said
look desmond's is a milestone of black
british enterprise
it's a community center a confessional a
social service
and i thought it was a barbershop
no no no no seriously
i like it
ethos community traditional
ect
yeah man that's all wicked
great it's great great
should we get up back
uh yeah man go on
lacks of the future
exceed
we don't want the audience seeing you
brutalizing an egg first thing in the
morning
but that's the way i always hit it
we have another egg please shirt
thank you now
let's try again huh but a little softer
this time please
right
relax for the future exceed takes all
right
all right mr smart when you're ready for
me mr grant call me popeye that's the
name we want to see on the credit pog
pie we are doing the local oddity
section downstairs so could you please
wait downstairs look at the t-section
all right
can i see a piece first oh certainly
certainly certainly
and
over there
and
take eight and hello londoners my name
is pogba
you should have moved what you're doing
i'm rehearsing my peace
and
action good luck this one
uh poop i think you better go i didn't
know the camera was out downstairs
sorry
greg what i want you to do surely is to
come into shot here followed by sean get
up and gloria up now they sit and then
you come around here and serve them
break fast okay right action
i thought you wanted to make a
documentary about us i do i do i do you
wanted to fly on the wall approach yes i
do i do well this is not the way we have
breakfast yes what does eating an egg
have to do with us i just want to show
them out there that you're normal normal
what you mean yes of course we are look
i didn't mean to be rude oh don't worry
about it it's nice to see desmond and
michael agreeing about something right
is that camera still running look just
act natural okay
natural
how do you expect me to act natural with
that thing pointing at my acting ability
stop the camera okay do it your way huh
please
action
uh well a lover really
[Music]
get off desmond
yes um yes it was hard to settle down in
england first of all we were welcome
and then we became a problem
and then when we tried to set up the
shop lots of people were jealous
um but we had a lot of help from the
community did we
of course we did well it didn't give us
any money well money isn't everything
my greatest fear over there
bees
i hate bees that's a phobia what's the
difference i'm still frightened of them
can i change this cardigan no my
greatest fear is that i wouldn't make it
before i build my house back home in
guyana
it's very important to me
i vow the wood
i know some members of my family don't
share my dream
but i will do it
i will do it
you sure can't change this
my biggest fear is dying before desmond
he's so hopeless
he wouldn't be able to cope
well i've managed before when you went
away yeah but you only had to manage
until i came back
huh and even then i had to prepare
things for you if i die are not coming
back that's true
well you just have to stock up the
freezer before you go
action when are you going to film me
downstairs pogba we're coming in a
minute
sorry so you're coming in a minute
which minute the answer is
interview
take 27
and
action
[Music]
take 49 and action
well it would have been nice to have a
sister you know someone you can share
things with i mean mum's okay but she's
my mum and i can't talk to her about
boyfriends and sex and peer pressure and
all them sort of things
and i can't borrow clothes or her makeup
and i think living in a house that's
predominantly mel was taught me one
thing you got a shirt to be heard
but i like him is that all right because
i have to sick
i thought i'd take you down here you
know to show you where i'm really coming
from this is a street man not running do
you know what i'm saying
oh no no no no no over here over here
[Music]
this is it and this is where it's at we
call this the bunker we come down here
because we can't hang out on the streets
you need no place to go so we're forced
underground
[Music]
it's amazing how popular becoming a tv
cruiser around
hey there's colette man
no this is connect
i've been asking her for ages man she
always turned me down
she's saying pictures tonight seven
o'clock
no sean i can't shade
cut mccoy what do you mean
get something
okay tomorrow night
oh
the saints didn't say this
i became a partner in this business
three years ago and at the time of
joining one fell that it needed to be
more uh profitable
so one set about a plan that would take
us into the 90s indeed one fell through
why does one come into this one who runs
the business
we run the business father do you often
argue yes
downstairs portfolio
hurry up
retire and it's getting late
all families have arguments i like to
argue with myself yes
we're all right really aren't we father
see i need to get on with him just in
case he writes me out of his will
[Laughter]
he never tarted that
only joking
you don't mean to do your father
i know that smile
right this is the last shot before we go
downstairs right all i want you to do is
to look into the camera and smile okay
comfortable
right
action quick leave one mate yeah camper
man i've got a shot for you massive miss
come on
yeah my name's lee right you call me the
pick and prince oh
i've got those pavarotti tickets for you
not no you fool me oh okay
yes
yes that's me
i like that
no
not there
yes
just there
i think
he's having an affair
with a vegetable
i'll tell you what disney old son
this program and i've done wonders for
my image i got people stopped me in the
streets and asked me if i got any more
pavarotti tickets yeah
well i must confess i have become a
minor celebrity at college yeah well i
can say i didn't realize how popular the
program was going to be oh desmond don't
act so surprised you were actually
willing it to be popular i mean you even
had dreams about it yeah what that did
you say about pork pie's dream name all
right all right you don't have to rub it
in
i didn't know that smart ape leroy would
keep that piece about me dreaming
i'm getting some funny phone calls
are you really poor pie
perhaps it's from a carrot or a pasta
hey mom dad
this is colette um you remember her
don't you yes hello college hi miss
ambrose
yeah we're working upstairs to do some
uh homework
and then we're off to the pictures
i want everyone to meet my sisters we're
starting a sisterhood network for all
the single girls in a family and we're
calling it as off
a single sister of family
well hello sisters listen my name's lee
you can call me the peck and listen
maybe we should call it buzz off no no
i smile pleased to meet you sir i just
come to give the whole family a special
thanks for the program it was very well
received i want a word with you and i
want a word with you
you see
as a result of the program i have been
promoted
and we've had so many calls about
pogba's dream that my first program will
be on dreams does that sound sexy to you
there's my car
call me we'll do lunch
okay
ciao ciao
micah what's wrong
nothing you look miserable why is it
tell me what makes you so miserable so i
can learn a few tips
mr phillips called me into his office
today to talk about the promotion
you know i was on a short list of 10 yes
now i'm number 12.
he really enjoyed the program but he
said he couldn't have an employee in
such a senior position
with a hairstyle that was likely to
cause a fence
so he told me to come here and get it
cut
[Laughter]
step this way
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
so
[Music]