paper was light gold in medieval times
[Music]
oh no tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
tree
[Music]
let's keep the music
[Music]
all right we're gone and what are you
doing today
what does it look like i didn't ask you
what does it look like i asked you what
you were doing so what kind of a
question is that why answer the question
and don't be rude
good look at yourself in the mirror this
morning i have a view
i'm not your enemy i'm your mother yeah
well i think it's particularly juvenile
the way parents constantly ask you what
you're doing why don't be feisty parents
have a right to know what their children
are getting up to i'm not a child how
many more times do i have to tell you
sean don't shout no if you want to be
respected as an adult i suggest you
speak in a reasonable and level tone
like most adults do
except barbers
listen i can't hang around or i'll be
late for school all right then button up
your shirt i'll fix your tie mama like
it like this does your mother tells you
sean do you hear me sean come back sit
on it dad
[Applause]
that's where you're going sean eat it
poop pot he just
he's
yeah one
i don't think he needs a pork pie pork
pie hey you've dropped your book sean
stop it what's the matter
i'm going to have a serious rub with
that boy when he gets home from school
i'll bring a dictionary and help you
choose one
you're wrong with him anyway you must be
under some kind of pressure at school
don't you make excuses for sean's
behavior it's all your fault
my fault he's only been ruined since you
stopped me from beating him
there's one that was 12 years ago you
can't beat beaten for instilling
discipline
when i was rude to my father he beat me
till i cry and then he beat me until i
stop
the trouble of this country is that if
you beat a child that can press charges
against you i mean what is this world
coming to when you can get penalized for
penalizing somebody who's doing
something wrong
will you put assault right
keep your ears in one place
when i don't think punishing children is
the right way to teach them respect
as an ashanti friend of mine often says
a baby who slides around on his bottom
for years thinks he's giving his parents
a bad time
in fact he's giving a bad time to his
bottom
yeah to me sean needs this book today
what
no it's only his diary his diary ah now
he'll be able to know what's going on in
that tiny mind of yes
judging from the way to this diary maybe
not so tiny after all i forbid you to
read this diary forbid what kind of
nonsense is that
it's not nonsense
there might be things in here he don't
want you to find out well i'll be more
reason for finding out i want to know if
he's up to no good sean has rights
desmond and so do i i have a right to
know what is in that diary give it to me
no it's against me principles
all right all right you put the diary
over my two found it and i'll pick it up
that way you wouldn't be giving it to me
and you can keep your principles pure
good
all right popeye pass me the diaries
his own son's diary sean is only 16
yes
what kind of things you were getting up
to when you were 16.
you don't want to know precisely
look tony you narrowed us 16 than any of
us here what kind of things you were
getting up to when you were 16.
no you don't want to know
when i do want to know
desmond if you do that and never speak
to you again never never good
where shall i start
april the 15th
it only started three weeks ago
april the 15th
it began as an ordinary day
gloria and i set out for school the sun
was shining and in the bright lake
gloria's teeth looked like kong draculas
now i know what she inherited from dad
his big moat
i got to school and it all happened so
suddenly
i sat at my desk looked up and there she
was
carol braithwich walked into my life
she didn't just walk in
she blew into my life with more
devastation than hurricane gilbert
good morning class
my name is ms braithwaite
but you can call me carol because i
dislike formality don't you
i'm your supply teacher
as you know mrs thompson is having a
baby
this is my first class so
i need all the help i can get
she is beautiful man i started to feel
things i'd never felt before
so
who'd like to hand out these books
she looked straight at me she started
walking towards me i want you to crawl
into a corner and die
and your name is my name uh uh sean miss
i mean carol
sean ambrose
right sean would you like to hand these
out
uh why don't you have spider i mean when
i uh hit my ankle oh hope it isn't too
bad oh no it'll mend
when
no
i didn't come to school to give out
books
you're the teacher you give them out
from then on the web began to make her
life a misery oh thank you very much
carol kept having to keep him in after
school
[Laughter]
it was really unfair on her
webb you're on detention tonight
my name is andrew carroll
okay andrew i want you in this classroom
at 3 30 for an hour's detention
but carol
i have to look after my mum
she's incontinent i have to do
everything for her i'm sure she'd
understand
i mean if it's a question of just
phoning them
two hours detention andrew webb easy no
carol
carol what
yes sure
um i was thinking there's some homework
i'd like to have a look at
okay sean why don't you bring it along
at the end of school
great
i'll uh see you at 3 30 then carol 3 30
sean
[Music]
she wanted to see me after school yeah
great she'll eat your hearts out
well i'm sure
well it's like i should be asking you
that what are you chatting about i saw
you spider-man with miss brave weight
that's what you call detention and i
better check for some of that that's
spider-man do it you're gonna see it
in this world there's only two types of
men men the movers and the groovers
in fact
uh no thanks
see i mean it's just a little groover
sean whilst iron man is a mover
see you later
hang on
i'll have a
so you turn men now
these teachers like a bit of rocky
these teachers like a bit of roughing it
they don't like these nice boys that
suck up to them
give them a hard time they'll soon come
around give them a hard time you'll soon
get detention
you're learning sean
you're getting in detention you get on
your own and not with 40 others
one to one you know what i'm saying
i got chip spiderman's just snared his
next catch
that's it there's no more
[Music]
yeah i wonder what this carol bird looks
like well if he's an ambrose i bet she's
good looking up okay come on
brings it all back at desmond you're the
little weedy one on me the spiderweb of
my day
sure sean he's having a miserable time
and all you can think about is if the
teacher is good looking well at least we
know why his behavior is out of
character the thing is what can we do
about it well we can be a bit more
sympathetic when he comes home from
school that's what we could do yeah yeah
but yeah he mustn't find out we've read
his diary namaste
what diary
[Music]
oh sean how nice to see you
i wish i could say the same to you oh no
listen son your father is only being
friendly
so did you have a nice day
no
i had a miserable day you mean she broke
your heart
just guessing you know i mean your young
man of a young man of your age has loads
of girlfriends and shut up pogba you
don't speak to me
all
right so what would you like for tea you
want me to make her your favorite
i don't want any tea man
[Laughter]
hang on
come in
oh shoot gloria i wouldn't have bothered
if i know it was only you what do you
mean it's only me look just say what
you've got to say and if it's not
important get your skinny butt out of my
room listen sean you little run little
as if you're anything big what's the
problem with you men eh you put a
medallion on and you behave like prats
yeah
well i can only see one pratt in this
room
just cause you've grown a few inches in
a few places it's a pity your brain
ain't one of them
if your brain was off as big as your
mouth you'd be twice as intelligent i
think i'm coming at you and you can
think as well now there's a novelty
nobody asked you so just get out my face
okay sean no it's not okay gloria look i
came in there to do you a favor instead
all i get is grief so the next time you
leave your cigarettes lying about i
won't bother to hide them for you before
i'd come in there to persuade you
against smoking there's nothing worse
than seeing a jumped up boy with a
cigarette in his mouth thinking he's a
man and he's even worse when it's your
brother say uh
smoke yourself to death deserve each
other gloria gloria
[Music]
it's very nice of you to see me
it's about sean well you didn't come
here to talk about haircuts did you
when i first taught sean he was bright
considerate and well-behaved
in fact he was a model pupil
however
recently he's become rude and abusive
and he's now been on detention four days
in a row ugh
now normally one should go through the
proper channels if one has a complaint
about a pupil
but i'm very fond of sure oh you are are
you yes
well i'm sure you'll be pleased to know
that and i just want to know what could
have brought about this dramatic change
well carol you know i might never call
you karen dude not at all
well carol sean's mind seems to be
temporarily taken over well not taken
over exactly but uh sidetracked it
happens to both sexes at a certain age
what he's trying to say is sean is at
that age where he's discovered women
especially older ones
john's having an affair with an older
woman no but he liked her
it's a common fantasy of most men yes
until you get to my age and then you
start fantasizing about her
there's one sorry shirley
i begin to understand
well i think it's just a passing phase
but
it's how to deal with the rudeness i'll
take care of that no desmond i still
think it's best if i talk to him surely
i am sick to get to this softly softly
approach sean is becoming a man and he
wants to be treated undermined and you
gotta take licks like a man
i'm not sure if confrontation is the
right approach do i tell you how to run
your class no well don't tell me how to
run my family
yes mom
apologize to carol please oh i am sorry
don't worry carol i'll talk to him
thanks
it was nice meeting you and you bye bye
bye
maybe it's not just from spiderweb that
sean gets his bad behavior
[Laughter]
what happened spider i love saying cold
and wet
sure man we got mango juice nutriment
orange juice no man i said cold and wet
like red stripe or beer or
something i ain't got any of that no
beverages no
scotch whiskey
oh yeah but we have i can't give you any
why not let me guess don't i
hey my old man i got mad
why are you a mouse or a man
listen man i could be the incredible
hulk and i still want to tango with dad
what have we got here
something you'll never have
she's fresh yeah she's also my sister
spider sister right
so
cool
sorry can you repeat that
i said are you seeing anyone at the
moment if you are you should reconsider
you're so full of ball i can smell you
from here
that's not the only way i'm like a bull
gloria
you're so cool spider
with someone with a name as stupid as
spidey a just my soul a man
i like her
oh no thanks look you better put that
out man you know my dad will go crazy
dad
um this is my spider-man
so you're sean's old man
i don't think i'll be frightened of him
what
nothing dad just my little joke you know
me
oh you boy
16 man and that's what you're trying to
be a man you're just a youth like and
you stand up in my house smoking a
cigarette in front of me
do your parents know your smoke could
say well this is one parent who don't
want you to so get your backside out of
here and don't set foot in this place
again you're here out
see what you mean he's crazy
[Laughter]
well i wouldn't put up with it in my
culture we don't let children express an
opinion in the presence of others until
they reach a decent age oh yeah
and i hold that there matt 35.
it's true look even at my age if my
father were here i'd keep my ideas to
myself well let's bring him over
all right all right
does anyone else have any ideas how i
should bring up my children our children
are her children
then sean what you doing home so early
why aren't you at school
i just couldn't handle it mum but sean
you know there are times when you have
to do things you don't want to all right
all right spare me the lecture it's just
that it's still my brain in schools are
there to give you a brain and if you
choose not to attend you wouldn't get
any it's not the work i can handle that
so what is it then oh i see
it's mrs bradford what this man
son we've all been in love with teachers
when we've been at school but it has
have you been reading my diary well i
well you see
yes but the point is
this
sean we didn't mean to mom you as well
i thought you had more integrity don't
you speak to your mother like that if
you leave your diary lying about i'm
bound to i mean i'm your father that
doesn't mean you can violate my thoughts
violet
everything is that the kind of fancy
language i teach you at school these
days
whatever happened to manners well i
suggest you go straight back to school
i'll start this out but surely i didn't
think yes man just leave it to me
oh mrs ambrose what a pleasant surprise
wait
please call me carol no
i'd rather call you miss braithwaite
because i believe teachers should be
called by the surname as a mark of
respect
it's so old-fashioned
i'm sorry i didn't mean to patronize you
do you always try to please carol
i'm sorry
well you know
just call me carol i don't want a sound
patronizing i just want to be liked
perhaps there's more truth in that than
you realize i don't know what you mean
who is it supposed to put at ease
the pupils are you
well it is
can you imagine what it must be like for
a 16 year old boy to have a beautiful
young woman wandering to his classroom
he sees her as his teacher
but she tells him i'm your chum your
friend call me carol
are you criticizing my teaching
no
i'm saying my son got his hearts for you
and the way you treating him is just
stoke in the fire
has he really
i mean
how hot is he
he got steam coming out of every
possible place
let me just give you a little piece of
advice
i think it will pay you to behave like
an old-fashioned teacher in this
classroom
i mean more formal than informal
because sean is not the only one you
know
let them all call you mis-breathe wait
for start i know it must be hard to be a
teacher when you can't be much older
than the pupils you're teaching
but i'm sure one day you'll turn into a
very good one
thanks mrs ambrose
i'm sorry if i was a null
don't be sorry just be tough
does that remain
this is what's happening webb the
homework you left behind and i want it
first thing in the morning
look lis
i thought you said it was cool i said
nothing of the salt as usual webb you
talk too incessantly for me to even
venture an opinion
but i'm going out tonight then i suggest
you go home now and make an early start
carol hang on a minute my name is ms
braithwaite and i think you better call
me that in future ambrose yo yes
your parents know you smoked sean uh
well they listen sean do yourself a
favor stop smoking because a
it doesn't suit you and b you look like
a jerk
and one in the classroom is bad enough
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so
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do
[Music]
you