paper was light gold in medieval times
[Music]
oh no tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
is over
let's keep the music
[Music]
[Laughter]
what's it for this time oh well i need
money for the summer school trip we'll
have an idea well yeah but this is for
the fun to help those that can't pay
what if i knew there was a fund that
wouldn't appeared in the first place
more
don't worry sean i'll give you some
that's my money i want money it's in a
good cause desmond yes it will cause
desmond to go broke
thanks later pops
that just about sums up kids what you on
about you spend all your money on them
and then they leave but they're an
investment for the future what do i want
to invest for i'll be dead
that'll do me good morning everyone ah
shut up matthew i hate people who are
cheerful in the mornings hey what's
wrong pogba the world shirley that bad i
mean a man works hard all his life
retires and can't make ends meet and
then you got an african student who's
never worked a day well i resent that
remark good because i'll repeat it
he never worked a day in his life
beaming from here to here and living the
life of riley i mean something's got to
be wrong
how much is your bill it's the phone
bill
i mean how can they charge me 20 pounds
i have made one call on my phone in the
last quarter i know you made them all on
mine that's right
they're charging me 17 pounds for
standing charge that means i'm paying 17
pounds just to stand and look at it
listen popeye i know you're a proud man
and you wouldn't accept it if we offered
you the money you say i say
so i think today we should bring you all
to retirement and you can be our skivvy
for the day i like the song so do i
what do you want me to do
well first off you can see to the needs
of this client ask her if she wants any
tea or toast whilst i finish off my
customer
would madam like to be seated
now would madame like some tea or coffee
and a toast oh yes please ah shut up
no guys
what would madam like
i'd like my father to recognize me what
if i want to know the man who called me
denise charlotte bronte christina selena
cassandra grant
i didn't recognize you i mean you've
grown
you saw the last time you were
everybody
that's my charlotte major this is my
daughter that is denise hello shirley
oh how are you how's your mother shh
hello desmond i don't believe this
hi hello
my name is matthew and it's a great
privilege to meet you
so when did you
how did you what did you talk to me
starks
you still remember that silly nickname
dad used to call me stocks when i was a
kid because i used to run around with no
clothes on
so when did you arrive in london about
three weeks ago three weeks and it's
only now you decide to come and visit me
well it hasn't been easy for me coming
to see my father when i haven't seen him
for 20 years i wasn't the cause of that
it was that woman who dragged your way
to canada you know where to find us if
you wanted to and you never bothered so
before you start slam and mom you better
examine yourself first all right
come on make one mistake one all right
two
how about a catalog don't be cheeky
i'm still your father and i can still
put you over my knee and give you six
hours dad i'm a 24 year old medical
student not a four-year-old brat
madison
you hear that there's one but never
started a medical student
stockster my name's denise look at the
news you tell this african student what
my little girl is studying
congratulations denise
thank you so how long is the course well
next year i become a junior doctor
doctor
you hear that this one i've still got a
way to go but i'll get there in the end
sure you will my little stars
now have you seen the sights yet
well i haven't really had a chance you
see i'm also here to do a bit of
research so i've been buried in a
library but i'm gay yes
you want somebody to take your own oh
what about you dad me
you see i just got this job for a few
days it is a new job which means i have
to work the weekend
oh
well that's a shame yes it is but you
need somebody your own age to show you
around oh there's one son michael will
be more than willing he will of course
yes
of course
where are you staying at the strand
palace
you see that matthew
in canada it pays to be a student
oh no no the company paying for the
research is picking up the tab
so i'll get you to meet up with michael
tomorrow and i'll catch up with you in
the evening
what are you doing tonight dad tonight
uh i've got things you know i mean you
see i didn't know you were okay
i'm busy too
so i'll see you tomorrow night yes
bye everybody bye-bye
bye
that's my little girl
why did she have to come now
i ain't got no money
that's why i have to lie to her
what pork why we can lend you the money
you can't keep bailing me out
this is my mess and only i can clean it
up why don't you tell her the truth
the truth can't buy you anything and
michael can at least he can pay his way
well he might say no you know what he's
like
you better give him a ring
now
if i have to ask him a favor
i will see him personally
come in
thank you mandy
what is it mandy
um mr parkinson wanted these reports
back
you have to wait you'll have to wait
mandy are you trying to get rid of your
dandruff for rehearsing for a shampoo
commercial
cause i'm sorry mandy that's quite all
right sir these quarterly figures are
giving me grief
you look different
do i
yes so you're here isn't it
is it
maybe not give us a clue yes i've had my
hair done see i told you it was your
hair
is it for anything special yes me right
you um you haven't said whether you like
it or not yet well it's um
it's it's different it's supposed to be
different that's why i got it done
anyway philip likes it philip philip
parkinson and for your information he's
taking me out tomorrow i think he's
charming
you and philip
philip is a neanderthal man with a tie
you deserve someone a bit better oh
who
like
someone suave
sophisticated
good looking
enigmatic well someone as interesting as
that wouldn't work in a bank
come in
michael
what are you doing i've come to beg you
a favor get up and stop being so
pathetic pathetic were you calling for
cersei i knew you before you even
learned that word
uh
that'll be all thank you mandy
uh mandy yes sir
where um where is he taking you tomorrow
charlie's wine bar cheapskate
michael
son of desmond my best friend's son boy
that's a nice suit you're wearing
is it new
i've had it a year
quality always lasts
it always looks new when you wear in it
what do you want pork pie you see i
haven't asked you anything yet and
already you're looking down at me pogba
you came in on your hands and knees now
get on with it you see now you're
impatient young people are always
impatient no time for their elders pork
pie this is a bank i'm an assistant
manager i've got a lot of work to do and
you came without an appointment the
temper temper
future bank manager is not supposed to
lose their rag pop pie all right
i'll be gone with my bills you see they
all came at once gas electricity water
telephone pole tax everything
i know my daughter denise came from
canada i blame it on her mother
i always had bad timing
bad timing when she caught me with
another woman but i mean that dennis is
here now
i need you michael to do what to take
her out of course as i'd see and
i mean i know it's short notice how
short is the notice tomorrow okay
okay yes yes thank you mike
thank you
if there's anything no no
don't thank me
i just hope she's good looking of course
she is
hey you
keep your hands up you're here
i'm asking you to take her sightseeing
to see the sights of london not the
inside of your flat
it's a lot smaller than i imagined well
it went built to cruise around the
caribbean i know
it's just that romantic image great
white sails plowing through mighty seas
mark would love it
good luck
my boyfriend i miss him already
he was gonna come but it would have been
too much of a distraction if you know
what i mean
yes i know what you mean
mark and i have been dating since we
were kids
he lived in the house next door yeah the
boy next door syndrome
he's an african history major
we've often talked about going back to
our ancestors he and i but a i'm not
sure if they'd have us and b
i think he'd miss french fries and
quarter pounders too much
excuse me
what am i doing with your daughter
well um
i think she'd better answer that
hello dad
yeah
brother cuddy suck
michael's really cute
well no i don't mean it like that it's
just an expression
look dad i know you want to look after
me when i'm a grown woman and i can look
after myself
bye
how'd you switch that thing off
i haven't seen the guy in 20 years and
all of a sudden he becomes concerned
[Music]
hello pork pie
well we're on our way to soho where i
thought i'd take denise to a couple of
strip clubs and then open a pickup bar
run by two friends of mine from bangkok
[Music]
where are they
and you shouldn't have let her go off
with your son
wait a minute pooper you don't think you
might be jumping to conclusions if that
son of yours has laid a finger on my
little daughter i'll have him for child
molesting that point she's 24. so he's
older than her my job might be all sorts
of things but i don't anything who asks
you to think you're just a hairdresser
hairdresser's dress they don't think
you are in my barbershop a place you've
treated like your second home for years
and you insult my profession that's what
you call it
well fire i think you've gone too far
shut up you shouldn't worry about how
far i go is how far your son goes i'm
worried about we're pretty far by the
looks of things they've been going for
two days well that's far enough i've
been waiting to take my daughter but
instead she's too busy gallivanting
around london with your son
who was the one who begged my son to
take her out in the first place i didn't
beg him he was only too willing and i
don't blame him because she's a good
catch she's going to be a doctor
your son is only a bank clock
my son is an assistant bank manager your
daughter is only going to be a doctor
and she may never make it and if she's
inherited your brains she never will
that's always an argument you want all
right if that's what you want i'll give
you one all right correct me
i'll give you one right profile you're
vindictive compass small-minded jumped
up little tyrant
don't you dare come in my shop and on
julie belittle my son the same assistant
bank manager who came to your assistance
when you needed it most
your daughter prefers my son's company
at present so until they come here to
speak for themselves you just put your
backside on that seat each other
[Applause]
that's just what i was going to say sure
starks
where have you been
dad you rang michael every half hour to
find that out he drove us nuts and then
we had to switch the phone off cause you
were stopping us from enjoying ourselves
so
you were enjoying yourself
yeah
didn't you want me to
michael i want to
denise can i speak to you for a minute
yeah
okay
upstairs sure
what is this good time you had with poop
by his daughter
good time well did you have a good time
or did you have a ram
as far as i took denise sightseeing if
that's what you call a yeah yeah
then it was michael you didn't yeah dude
gentlemen gentlemen please
look i have no intentions towards the
knees apart from taking a sight seeing a
tedious task which i performed to the
best of my ability and in fact if you
must know paul penn i hope i don't
offend you don't worry you can offend
him
she was hard work all she wanted to do
was talk about her boyfriend who
couldn't decide between going back to
africa or quarter panama with chips
well
africa has been compared with many
things but the quarterback
that takes the biscuit
[Laughter]
[Music]
do you mind going to your room once i
have a word with your knees
you might go into your rooms yes i don't
mind you know so do we and we were in
first anyway there's no video in our
room and this film's fast becoming
interesting
what is it mutant bikers part three i
haven't seen it it's great
okay let's reach a compromise denise
will tell you how this story ends and
you go to your
okay let's rooms another compromise you
turn the sound down a bit and we can
talk over there
[Music]
i know what you're gonna say shirley
all right
why haven't you been giving him more of
your time
no i don't know
i'm afraid that if i knock down the
barriers that have built up over the
years
i might be saddled with him for the rest
of my life
that's a bit
well what would you do
i have to be practical
yes well i suppose the gap's not just 20
years it's 10 000 miles as well and i
defy anyone to build a bridge that long
to needs
pork pie is one of our family now
he's our responsibility
so don't be scared
give him a squeeze
before it's too late
shirley
what's he really like
oh he's funny
moody opinionated well dad no poor way
thoughtful
he's generous great with the kids
are you sure you're talking about pogba
sean
i'm already joking man he's all right
you're old man you know save
see
well the place wouldn't be the same
without uncle paw pie
shame he looks such a mess though
where is she
where have you
where have you been denise
i'll put michael again no i haven't i
had to wear ages for abouts and then
when one finally i told you i would have
picked you up from the hotel okay just
drop it hey dad
you look great dad
well
it's really nice to see you
is that it
you're gonna look at me all night
why not
because you're not gonna get away that
easy
i don't want an argument
neither do i
i just want to know a bit about you
what bit do you want to know
well
why i haven't seen you in all these
years with starters because she stopped
access
because she didn't want me to see you
again
she thought i would take you away but
when she took you away to the other side
of the world to canada no forwarding
address nothing it was like losing both
of your legs overnight
my friends knew where you were but they
wouldn't tell me and then i know i
should have come in i did find out but i
always found some excuse like maybe i
shouldn't come over because it might be
too painful
i know dad
in my pocket
so that's where i get my common sense
from
maybe
would you like something to eat
dad
would you mind if we ate someplace else
i can't stand burgers
but you always lied to them well not
these days these days it's marcus
passionate for them who's mark
he's my boyfriend
is he a doctor a surgeon
no
he's a history student
ah
he's a man who specializes in the past
but what about the future do i hear the
sound of wedding bells
maybe but we got to graduate first
i think he wants to be a lecturer a
lecturer
he wants to teach people how to teach
wonderful how long have you known him
well we've been living together for
about
what
living together
dad don't
in the same sharing the same
under the same
dad
you have to let go
build a new me instead of mourning the
old one
i've grown up
oh cheer up
you're right
we must tear up
and i know what will cheer you up what
you always like
waiter
two large knickerbocker glories please
hundreds and thousands
i think i prefer a large scotch
[Laughter]
ah well michael if takings continue like
they did today
i'll be able to build my house back home
by the year two thousand instead of the
year three thousand
my papa she's been gone three days
it's not a going that bother me is the
comment
now i miss her i want to miss her if she
hadn't come
but you must be glad that she did
does this face look glad to you
well it don't look no different to me
here you are pork boy here's something
that'll cheer you up
oh come on uncle cool hi you're still
our favorite uncle yeah
man well you're our only uncle so wow
my friend here are your wages
now you're talking
uh
what you doing uh well this is what he
calls you made to michael's portable
food that cost a fortune
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
so
[Music]
you