paper was light gold in medieval times
[Music]
oh no tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
is over
[Music]
you know if one applies the standard
principle of supply and demand one could
observe that desmond's barbershop is an
economic miracle
thank you matthew but the miracle is
that it stays in business
well here we are on a saturday morning
and your only customer in the last hour
has been backed i am not a customer i am
a friend i rest my case if i say you're
a customer you're a customer you soon
will be asking me to pay next
matthew we have customers booked up for
the whole of next week oh you haven't
your next appointment's not until the
last tuesday of this month how do you
know that i read it right here
why do we do this well saturday morning
at oxford street conditioning i saw you
back oh hi mom
oh it's a dangerous business just shot
me half this
one minute your purse strings are pulled
so tight not even the sight of a vicar's
collection box could prize it open and
then a sign appears saying sale ends
tomorrow and bankruptcy starts today
so what happened to that just a pair of
shoes that you went out to buy miss
thrifty i had to get outfit to go with
it we've looked upon our purchases as
being sound investment mrs ambrose
power dressing that's what it's about
nowadays mum look this
[Music]
we're in that glory you can clinch a
deal with me anytime
not clinching or deals in myself
especially with my daughter
well listen what if i told you that me
and louise have decided to go into
business together huh that's great
well i'd say you should finish your
education first no you've got to be an
entrepreneur nowadays mother you don't
need a levels for that just have to have
a good idea which is a multi-faceted
total hair and body service based on and
using only organic and ozone friendly
products now that is a good idea i'm
impressed and
we want to base it here and we want to
specialise in men
needs women like us to introduce them to
moisturizers and lotions that help make
a woman
and it can help make us good looking man
take lee for example work haters jim day
and night building them biceps but
what's a body without a face
if it's customers you're looking for you
need look no further than one a little
help from ye older dressy but we'll have
you girls busy till christmas you see
what's going on here popeye i make her
brother a sleeping partner know the
whole family want to jump into bed with
me
but gloria this is just a plain and
simple barbershop and what is a barber
shop a place where plain and simple men
come to be groomed i don't come here to
be groomed that is plain to see you
everyone loves to be pampered i mean dad
you must love to be pampered sometimes
you know what you just tickled him stop
that
stop that
all right all right you could make a
trial run next saturday that is if your
mom agrees well
i hope your bed is big enough
and we'll provide a clientele won't we
lee clientele that is my middle name
our business proposal is in there it
won't take you more than 10 minutes to
read we thought about it and we know
what we're doing don't we
and you think that starting up a men's
beauty salon in one of london's poorest
boroughs is commercially viable do you
yeah
and here's a sample of the kind of
product we'll be using
uh
i'm sorry little sister i can't see
hordes of pekka muth queuing up outside
desmond's
for my new jars of elderflower eye gel
come
sorry to interrupt yourself that's quite
all right man i think we're finished
here finished you haven't even started
rating it yet if you'll excuse me gloria
i do have matters a little more urgent
than schoolgirl fantasies to attend to
school girlfriend you want to try some
of that stuff mike it might help the
excess baggage under your eye that's
blocking your vision
[Applause]
what is it with my family they seem to
think that because i work in a bank i
must also double as their personal cash
dispenser i mean none of them even has
an account with us
i'm sorry mandy
what was it you wanted just your
signature oh and that report mr
parkinson's getting a little impatient
to say the least well it is what he does
best
uh you've signed that once already sir
what
oh yes so you're right well spotted
mandy sir if you don't mind me saying i
really think you should try and relax
huh but with all these interruptions on
perfect parkinson breathing down my neck
ah
a ray of sunshine at last
gabriella's of kensington is celebrating
five years of final frolics with yet
more fun and frolicks and quarterly
invites you and the guests to join us
for champagne and that's um that's mine
actually
yours
oh
you were gabriella's huh
secretary by day wild child by night huh
sounds like it'd be a good do yes it
does rather they've hired a 17th century
manor house out in wiltshire wouldn't it
be easy to have to party at the club no
gabriella hates kensington
you know mandy you're right i should try
and relax a bit perhaps i should take a
long weekend what do you think it might
be an idea sir
how far's wiltshire
you don't mean to suggest you come with
me well the invitation does say you and
a guest yes well i might have already
chosen my guest oh come on man you can't
take philip to do like this he'll stick
out like a sore thumb in fact my advice
would be to take the sore thumb and leaf
phillip at home
at least the sore thumb's got a better
sense of rhythm
i suppose if you don't mind being
interrogated at some point by estranged
relatives from my family gabriella's
deranged in-laws
and my father they can't be any worse
than my backing group parents all the
same disapproving yes
but i'm not sure that daddy would
approve at all of me going out with them
an older man
okay nephew now
scalp massage facial rub poor cleansing
which would you choose out of that
i think i'll have my paws done first
this is serious i know
special delivery for ambrose and dixon
vanity marshall what is you bringing
into my premises hope is not any
knock-off goods stairs would i
yes i'll show you what i've got right
this is it
a luxurious skin cleanser with extracts
of coconut apricot and dodgeball
helps to moisturize your skin leaving it
feeling soft and silky
i could do something
natural here sheen
five pumps 95 i thought natural was
something you picked from a tree or get
from all to the ground you would want to
pay six pounds for something you can get
from your own back garden there's this
stuff comes from places a bit more
tropical than sunny south london mate
it's all the way from jojobia
yeah and five rose petals in a pretty
jar he's worth more than three hundred
and the phony bush that well in my day
you could dress your hair for nothing
just a little b rum and spring water for
a saturday night out
in your hair
all the men back home used to dress
their hair with it sounds revolting oh
the women loved it well i wouldn't say
that exactly i mean in them days running
your finger through a man's hair was a
risky business you spent half the
evening thinking up stories to tell your
mother but the smell was a dead giveaway
still it was a risk you were prepared to
take sometimes
[Applause]
staying for supper louise oh no thank
you i've got some studying to do tonight
oh reading up a marketing technique say
look take a tip from someone who knows
right don't listen to him louise you're
not going to learn much from a man who
can't even pronounce jojoba
honey don't go offloading any dodgy
goods on my daughter you're here sure
cross my unknown to die it's on the
other side what your heart is on the
other side
all right there's not much chance if you
unload any things on us unless you're
giving it away well what happened i
thought you had it all sorted no not
exactly we went to see michael but he
was in such a bad mood he chod on us
like ants would you use this li what's
that
oh moisturize yeah got six bottles of
that in my bathroom cabinet yeah it
smells like something else
what do you mean well i'll give you a
clue it's mild and it's green and it's
for hands that do dishes
oh no
rajneesh must have got the orders mixed
up don't worry lee we can't even afford
it we'd be better off making our own
stuff no look this one's made from tried
and tested thousand-year-old recipes oh
yeah for tried and tested
thousand-year-old faces yeah oh good
i'ma stress i'm on pork pie
oh
[Laughter]
[Music]
my arms are seizing up how many more of
these we got to do oh stop whinging
woman just think one day we'll be able
to pay someone really badly to do all
this
oh look here he is
sean why have you set your alarm for 2
a.m well because i set it for 2am sis
there's a film i want to watch ain't the
video working well yeah ain't the same
as seeing it live you know
sean the tv's over there
yeah i know i was just thinking
what was your thinking sean well i was
just thinking that you two are
completely off your supermarket vehicles
i mean right miners gonna pay to have
you plastered and with gunge where is
that stuff anyway
yeah i'll try something oh
oh fill up your acne
haven't you finished yet nearly on the
last batch well i hope we weren't
disturbing you mr ambrose oh no no i was
just wondering when the wheels of
industry were going to stop turning or
churning or whatever it is they do you
mean you come to heaven knows no no i
was just thinking this new enterprise
might be just the thing we need to stir
up thread this may be the future of the
family business we're looking at here
well in that case many hands make light
work dad ah
how do i get paid all the time of course
not this is family it comes under the
heading of cheap labor you see this girl
will go far
what what is this boy doing up at this
hour
sean
what go get in your bed
but i'm watching the film man well you
can finish watching it in your sleep
for mom good night john
wait a minute
you're going to be doing this in my
kitchen every weekend no no no this is
just a temporary arrangement cheryl you
see all the big businesses today a lot
of them started just like this a handful
of dedicated workers slaving away in a
small back room yes well i wonder just
how dedicated these two gonna be by the
end of the month oh mom i know one
executive suit isn't going to turn me
into an erotic overnight but i what we
are serious about all this decision
dedication and determination the girl is
a chip off the old block you are looking
at the future of the ambrose dynasty
desmond and daughter
keep stirring dad
[Music]
yes
i don't know why this didn't occur to me
before desmond and daughter i mean i
can't see my son running the family
business i mean it calls for someone
with imagination and flair of which my
son michael's got none
there'll be tears before bedtime desmond
what we calling this skin cleanser skin
cleanser i thought i saw sean making
sandwiches with this this morning
it's mayonnaise very good for dry skin
mr ambrose well i don't think you're
gonna have much use for that you don't
know the same black don't crack
the emulatory day's show
girls all right morning it's getting on
for midday yeah look sorry dez yeah we
had a bit of a late night last night you
know it is i don't pay you to have late
nights i pay you to cut here desmond
yeah all right there's look i'm sorry i
overslept it won't happen again i
promise well i should hope not now
there's a lesson here for you gloria
never let your employees take advantage
of your good nature always let them know
who's in charge in that way you maintain
a good level of respect
is that so
dad don't tell tony off he's been
working overtime this week sorting out
our publicity
so come on then is there anyone in pekka
who hasn't heard of the vanity
merchandise
oh what you mean clientele yeah lee you
know anyone interested available loaded
um
put this poor girl out of her misery is
graham likely to be popping in any time
today no look girls
i've got to come clean with you i
haven't actually had a chance to contact
no graham did you tell leo yeah yeah
left a very firm message on his answer
phone what is he back from australia
then
tony i don't like what i'm hearing look
glor i haven't been out all week my
phone's been cut off don't worry to
anyone the milkman
no
it's okay you're fired huh
get back get back
fight my way through these customers
you never heard of anything called tact
so how is business we fired our
publicist not bad for the first day hey
dad oh i'm sorry
sure any chance of some toast no no tea
no toast this beauty business is eating
us out our house at home you have to
wait now come back from the sharp spoke
bye my belly echoing like an empty
haircraft hunger
well if you're hungry you could always
heat up some of that face pack they have
there
mark's well i don't see we've got any
other use for it well i've got a ceiling
that needs repairing
you need to advertise you should have
put an ad in the local paper well we
would if we had the finances yeah listen
lee what you say we go down the pub mate
oh what for a swift afternoon no no no
get some customers
oh yeah right
you know desmond i think my hands can do
with a manicure they're looking a bit
tatty oh well that's the sort of thing i
like to hear
if you'd care to step this way
good morning sir
gloria louise i've brought you a
preparation we use in west africa my
auntie tracy marie is swears by it why
is it a skin lightener certainly not
it's a beautiful soup made from dried
plantain peel joy planting pill yes you
see we in the underdeveloped countries
have been using natural ingredients for
years it's nice to see the rest of the
world waking up to our ways
is this what keeps you looking so young
nephew he's just underdeveloped
well a bet is not as good as that vanity
merch's face pack special i bet it is
not that it isn't i bet there's only one
way to find out come this way
you know mandy
i've been thinking oh makes a change sir
since i'm coming to this do with you i
think you calling me sir is a little
old-fashioned well i'm an old-fashioned
girl sir
look what i mean is i think we should
drop the formalities drop them sir look
mandy i'm being serious
i think the time has come for you to
call me michael
sir you know what they say familiarity
breeds
go on well that's it familiarity breeds
mother
can i come in of course
mandy meet my mother
amanda's my secretary let me help you
mrs oh thank you mandy
i'll be uh next door if you need me
michael
so
well hmm
it's not very cheerful is it mother this
is a bank not disneyland
yes
oh michael you haven't popped around to
this shop lately
well well i've been tied up here and we
work saturday's now as you can see yes
yes
you're looking a bit tired you know
michael you're sure you're not doing too
much
mother what's this about
it's your father
i think he's finally losing his marbles
what does he mean
hmm
he's got it into his head that gloria is
going to carry on the family business
he's not serious huh are you serious
well you know gloria and louise started
this little sideline what the idea came
to me yes now he's talking about the
ambrose dynasty and future generally
ambrose dynasty
i'll come back to the show good
i just don't want him to get too upset
uh mandy yes michael
i'll be off now okay so i guess i'll see
you at fred's around six okay fine uh
mandy yes michael uh what to wish
to suit or not to suit uh no not a suit
huh
what's wrong with my suits well it makes
you look a bit middle-aged
well if we're going to attract this
quality of customer glo we'll have to
adjust their whole media profile yeah
reorientate our target into executive
care attract the vane and the rich the
mobile phonies
the vanity merchants present
yeah it's fine
can you do anything about the chins sure
all right all right just checking the
quality of work
yo matthew
wow you know like a dehydrated ninja
turtle
why don't you keep that thing on for
just a couple of minutes and by that
time hopefully his face will have
dissolved
well let me see what we used to your
hands you know the last time i had a
manicure was 1965
only it was an accident you said i was
trying to price a shilling out of an
electric meter so i have enough money to
take my girlfriend to a dance
while it took me three hours and ruined
all my nails then this woman had the
nerve to turn around and say she's not
going to any dance with any man who chew
his nails
tease and toast courtesy of desmond and
daughter and wife
uh what's this and daughter bit
this can come off now matthew
ah matthew reconstituted ninja turtle
with suntan
you know this really is rejuvenating
my skin feels all tingly
that's nothing to the sensations you're
going to feel when i tell you how much
we're going to charge you we what's this
wee bit when we are a family business
no it's not this is our idea not yours
and i'm not and daughter thank you very
much i'm gloria ambrose entrepreneur and
what happened to dixon oh yeah sorry
louisa well look here young lady you use
my shop you use my employees you use my
muesli you use my mango juice i always
you don't support anybody's idea until
you've taken it over well we're gonna
stand on our own two feet are we four
feet
four feet
you know
this price list needs restructuring
another man muscling in i thought you
didn't care for school girl fantasies
fine if you don't want top quality
financial advice michael no we did but
we don't now
okay
mother father i'll be off
um i'm off for a weekend in the country
i trust we won't be hearing any more
about desmond and her daughter
i don't think so
all right listen up listen up we have
found some new customers yeah you're
right the peckham youth do need a bit of
help come in boys
we would like to lose about
40 years
yeah well boys it's good but it's not
that good
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
you