paper was light gold in medieval times
[Music]
oh no tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
is over
[Music]
sean
sean i know you're in there you're the
only person that brushes his teeth to a
rap rhythm
boy this is your last chance or i won't
be responsible for the consequences yes
mother ambrose you're making enough
noise to wake the dead i never did they
would probably get in the bathroom
before me
okay i'll go and put your toes down at
the grill huh you can have your
breakfast on the landing i don't want my
toast under the grill i want my head
under the shower every morning is the
same perhaps you overdid the toilet
training when i was young
charlie was right i have walking the
dent
dance bowling is cool cause i'm taking a
shower you should take five minutes not
half an hour
hey pretty good for eight in the morning
pops i am [\h__\h] carpet that was the
time oh i don't know i've been standing
here so long i've lost track surely what
is the
title come out of there at once
this is your father speaking
turn off the tops
stop using my hot water
you'll open this door
surely your daughter's stolen my towel
if i'm not brushing my teeth in 30
seconds
[Laughter]
surely is it too late to have them
adopted
of course i understand stacy no problem
so
what have you done with your spare room
oh excuse me a nursery congratulations i
didn't know nice one okay yeah
see that at the squash club in a few
months then
ciao
damn
i don't believe it the decorators
arriving in three hours time they're
gonna turn my flat into a building site
and i've got nowhere to stay for the
next four days well there's always a
spare bed at my flat if you ah i think
it's important that we keep our
relationship strictly professional don't
you mandy after all we wouldn't want
tongues wagging suit yourself
mr peltier
straight away
look here try that top number would you
you seem to know lots of women sir
that's the thing about my private life
mandy oh what's that it's
private well then just give up try that
one i think i had nothing better to do
my filing tray is positively groaning
it's an answering machine
evangeline's not at home right now all
right all right this is someone called
evangeline look like mind your own
business mandy just dial the next number
please
what this one says yes yes yes
you say so sir
hello i have a call for you from mr
michael ambrose
hi it's michael listen i'm having my
flight redecorated and i wondered if you
wouldn't mind uh putting me up for a few
days
okay mum mum the the decorator's
arriving this evening and
you'd love to have me
thinking about it realistically i
wouldn't want to put you and it's no
trouble
yes you're the first person i call
okay see you around eight can't wait bye
mum
mandy
keep your head still no man
the kids today have no respect for their
elders things were different when i was
a child yes but children knew their
place in victorian times profile
which is more than you do why don't you
keep still what's wrong with you
there's a lump on the bench where i'm
sitting it's very uncomfortable i think
it needs stuffing that's not the only
thing
what i'm saying is that a man needs his
space to breathe
i totally concur
human beings need clearly defined areas
of territory these are necessary to
create self-awareness and essential for
the promotion of self-esteem
psychological balance and well-being
because african frustrating your stuff
personally i settled to be able to brush
my teeth and i have something for him
speaking plain english and getting out
of my seat ouch
100 on that one days you know a cramped
style is nice style it's so that's the
truest word you ever spoke tony my style
is so cramped i have nowhere to move my
stuff much less rotted but wait until
you build your house back home you can
have a whole room to yourself just think
of it privacy i can see it now sign
above the door big letters desmond's den
come out
no entrance without the permission of
desmond ambrose esquire except for your
best friend augustus neapolitan
cleveland grant or popeye facade
who is always welcome this will have to
be a very big sign
um why don't you just try no scratchers
although students
you will have a password some of your
best mates can get in like open sesame
my open says desmond like ah not three
times and ask for jazzy d i like this i
like it right that's security sust now
what you gonna have in there dez a well
stocked bar the best rooms that money
can buy a fine library of books ah
another bar just in case the first one
ran out you've gotta be too careful
a bench with no numpy niche and a really
neat sound system there's a 36 inch
color tv with a satellite dish so we can
watch the resin some of the gentlemen
threw the french windows onto my private
veranda overlooking the sea my
custom-made domino table lies in the
shade palm trees sway
beside the biggest bucket of rum punch
you've ever seen
on this this is ricey stuff man and in
the evening i lie in my hammock watching
the sun go down blowing my trumpet as
long and as loud as i like
i've never known you have trouble
blowing your own trumpet desmond ambrose
and after a few rums i'd like to see you
trying to get into a havoc
remember that time at auntie no rose
when you try getting into one after a
few night caps too many all right all
right ah what a mess you look like a big
fish caught in a nest
in the end we had to cut him out
[Applause]
you see
there isn't even room around here for a
man to dream
well a little dream of mine just came
through
while we were in the pools better than
that michael's coming home to stay for a
few
you said a days surely not a nightmare
we're gonna put him on a hook behind the
door
that's the only place you have room to
fit
we'll discuss that this evening when
everybody's here embarrassed there is
the time-honored tradition of consulting
the head of the household on these
matters oh who might that be well
obviously the oldest and wisest in the
family
me
all this yes
i think that's what is right shirley the
order of this world depends on the
proper establishment of rank as we say
in africa if the tiger is standing the
mouse can't take up you move over
but he's right shirley i mean back home
in your house it was your father that
ruled the roost
my father took his instructions from god
when he was in a pulpit and from my
mother when he was at home
this is not a matter for your debate in
society sorry
so you object to having your son to stay
well not exactly well who will be doing
the extra shopping i didn't will you be
doing the extra cooking and tidying up
nobody exactly so i shot your modern
guinea manager
his bed is longer now than when he came
in
don't you knock your head at me
i'm armed and dangerous
he was not trying to kiss me if you must
know he was trying to take something out
of my eye sure sis with his lips
you got
look who's talking that guy steve's got
the pick of every girl in pekkam well
he's not going to have the pic of my
daughter only kidding
steve happens to be one of few good guys
around that's what i mean good at what
aren't you gonna say anything about the
kind of people your daughter associating
with i have no say in what goes on in my
own home why should i bother what goes
on outside it
i was doing a bad mood about this
morning i said i was sorry i think i was
sleepwalking what's new about that your
father is in one of his childish moods
because your brother michael is coming
to stay for a few days what you're not
serious
you see what i mean surely i think we
should put this to the vote
all those in favor of michael staying
somewhere else raise their hands
when you two start paying rent around
here then we can start voting don't we
have any say as a matter of fact you do
i should think so too
you can decide which of you gives up
your room for your big brother what
when it ain't gonna be me and it's
definitely not gonna be me well then i
suppose it's gotta be me
i'll go and stay by poof bye i'll just
go and park desmond you don't have a
room to give up
it's got to be sean cause he's the
youngest that's not fair i'm always the
youngest why can't gloria be the
youngest for a change
because that's stupid i'm older than you
a mere technicality no it isn't yes it
is
oh shut up
sean you sleep on the couch see oh mom
it wasn't raised voices i heard was it
oh my god
you're early hello mother hello
everybody
i think i better come back when
everybody's in a better mood yeah in
about three years
make it five yes man gloria
maybe this isn't such a good idea
afterwards nonsense
sean has just said how pleased he would
be if you would take his room
sean that's very decent of you i
wouldn't be putting you out oh of course
not the only thing getting put out will
be my back sleeping on this couch well
it would be a little bit smooth for me
small he couldn't get his head on it
right everything's settled
michael you can put your things in
shawn's room
hang on
does that mean that this would be my
room while mike was staying in mine yes
right then we better get the rules
sorted out rules what rules well for one
thing i don't walk in and out of your
bedroom all the time do i
so after 10 o'clock i don't want anyone
in my bedroom without my permission
oh well that seems fair no it isn't the
late film starts at 10 and the cricket's
on after that well it so happens that
i've got a test first thing in the
morning and i fancy early night after
i've done my revision in silence in my
room
never mind you can watch my portable
[Music]
uh
[Applause]
sorry
that the cricket no dad it's the late
film look there's big arnie
well he doesn't look that big to me yeah
well nothing's gonna look big on this
screen the size of michael's tv is in
direct proportion to his brain
watch that it's my watch alarm father
time for one of these
oh on the pill then michael
it happens to be a vitamin pill gloria
everything i need's in that one small
capsule why don't they make hotel rooms
small these days
mother
was that coffee decaf oh no i'm sorry oh
no coffee with caffeine now i'll never
get to sleep well you should try coco
with toenails
i'm sorry we are unable to provide our
usual standard of room service
[Applause]
good lord how did i miss that
it's something the matter michael yes
the bottom's about to fall out of guilt
hi angus it's michael
michael ambrose
michael ambrose from the bank
listen i want to move what i've gotten
guilt into consolidated bonds first
thing in the morning
yeah
okay yeah
talking about bottoms falling out would
you like to move yours off my leg before
i follow could you
yeah and instead of moving out of guilt
yeah into consolidated bonds why don't
you move out of here into a hotel
oh stop it you too
i think it's lovely and cozy having us
all together again like this
poor sean doesn't know what he's missing
what do you mean you haven't started yet
it's a one-bedroom flat mr murphy not
windsor castle
where could you at least get started on
the bedroom
tell charlie mr ambrose is very anxious
to return home as soon as possible and
they'll be amply rewarded for their
efforts oh people can't eat you know you
know michael
thank you mr murphy
gloria anxious to return home are we you
shouldn't be listening to people's
personal phone calls what made you come
here to stay instead of staying with one
of your buffy pals well actually i
thought i don't see enough of mother
father myself and sean none of the
others would have you i
i'll have you know gloria i have a large
circle of loyal friends who'd put me up
at the drop of the hat stitch you up
more like
what about patricia why don't you stay
with her patricia and i have always had
the understanding we do not live
together smart girl
about your other lady friends then
little black book getting a bit thin
these days
i'll show you gloria no problems in that
department
what about big stephanie
she looks like she's got plenty of room
oh there's always evangeline
little sister this was and always will
be my first choice
and where's the first place he thinks to
stay to the place with the least space
in tecum i had to cure from half past
six this morning to get into my own
bathroom i'm gonna finally came along to
breakfast i had to wait till shirley had
finished making michael's well it didn't
take long to pour out his muesli no it
was a spanish omelette that took the
time and the tree wrongs are tossed
charlie you must wear yourself out sit
down man
put your feet up
any chance for another cup of tea
that would be nice
ouch
maybe michael could come and stay by you
pogba that's when i would be only too
happy to relieve you of your burden but
i've got a drip in my ceiling there's a
great big bulge in the plast uh it's
hanging down and the whole thing can go
at any time morning talking of things
that could go at any time
michael
you've got all the things are left out
for you your sandwiches and your clean
handkerchief yes mother by the end of
the week she'll be changing his nappies
again
i'm cooking your favorite for dinner
tonight spicy chicken with dumplings
delicious mm-hmm i'll be home around a
bad head i've got a squash match
who's honest about spicy chicken today's
tuesday we should be having fish well
you are michael's having to check in you
know you can't stand fish bones
sounds like it's michael getting the
star treatment round here this well this
is only fitting in my family back home
when the elder son returns like the
prodigal son we celebrate in a big way
what roasted fatty calf or something yes
it's a cause for much rejoicing and
happiness except for the fatty calf
would have a party and all the
neighborhood would attend well you've
got a spicy chicken dessert only needs
the rest of picking a show up all they
need for you is to shut up and to cut
that man's hair
then why don't you put up michael for a
few days and the two of you can
celebrate together well unfortunately as
you know i have only one bathroom and
i'm not prepared to share
it i'm not prepared to share my part of
the bench
you africans you're not the largest
continent in the world to sit around and
you have to come underneath the peckham
so much for a man having his own space
soon i'll be sleeping in the barber's
chair is the only place i can find any
space around there anymore come on the
man
who are you coming here man hi everybody
cheers gloria
michael's forgotten his sandwiches pop
them into the bank for him oh mom do i
have to do as your mother says gloria
you don't want michael fading away from
lack of food now do you what michael the
man man in fat chance
[Laughter]
so how are things going at home very
well indeed mandy i wouldn't believe how
close our family is oh i always thought
things were a bit strained not at all
sean for instance even offered to give
up his room for me and gloria
well gloria and i have always been
devoted to each other
really yes i have a very special
relationship with my family it gets
better as the years go by
listen you ungrateful puppy pillock if
[\h__\h] put the cracker door to
panda to your whims make your sandwiches
you could at least engage your brain in
the morning and take them with you here
i'll be a choke
all right mandy
[Applause]
oh
my god
but you two think you're going i've had
enough mom
sean's going to gary for a few days and
i'm going to stay with louise i was late
for school this morning yeah and i just
got to my first tutorial but it's going
to be teeth well we can't have their
education being interrupted okay
just as long as their parents say it's
okay it's no problem see you later
well
now you've only got michael to get in
your way michael and i could get in each
other's way on a football pitch
we needn't worry about that any longer
i'm moving back to my flat michael it's
not that i haven't enjoyed staying here
but
these decorators of mine are only going
to finish the job if i'm there to
supervise i better get back can i give
you a hug with anything but
taxis
if you're sure it's for the best yes i'm
sure it is
thanks for everything
i'll found you
and then there were two
do you want some more tea desmond the
last cup isn't cold yet
maybe i could bake something well
there's no one to eat it
in a few years tommy gonna be like this
every night they all have to leave home
eventually
you know what they said you don't know
what you got until you haven't got it
anymore
we'll be all right as long as we have
each other and they come to visit except
michael
would you like a game of dominoes no
is it because i beat you last time
i think i'll pop around and see beverly
surely why don't you relax and take it
easy we haven't had any peace in here
for the last week
i like it that way and i like it this
way
[Music]
ambrose residents desmond ambrose
speaking
a reverse charge call from peckham it
could be one of the children maybe
something's gone all right all right
i'll take the call
hello desmond it's me popeye why what's
the matter you know that drip my ceiling
caved in the whole flat is flooded hello
i wonder if i could sleep in the shop
pogba i wouldn't hear of it
uh i won't make any noise i'll even
sleep on the bench with the lumpy
stuffing
hello hello hey you won't even know i'm
there pogba hello come over here
you can have shawn's room a glorious
room or we have a very comfortable city
oh there's one you and shirley are true
friends i think nothing of it we'd love
to have you tell him i hope he's hungry
there's only one thing popeye what's
that
if you go in the bathroom before me in
the morning i'll never speak to you
again
hmm
[Music]
you