paper was light gold in medieval times
[Music]
oh no tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
is over
let's keep the music
[Music]
the end
is that it
surely are you awake no
why not because i'm asleep desmond i'm
not
i know
i can't sleep
it's typical of you isn't it
just because you can't sleep i am not
allowed to
men
why can't you sleep darling
i don't know
i've been like this for a few weeks now
well all i can say desmond is get used
to it you know what is it the older you
get the less sleep you need
good night
so you think i'm getting old
well you're older than me and i'm no
spring chicken
i could still put this spring in your
step not tonight a desmond
i'm tired
so you think i'm getting old
sorry
i didn't mean to say that
it it might be stress
i mean you have been working very hard
recently yes i've been busy all
afternoon one day last week
perhaps you should go and see dr
patricia
hmm
perhaps you should
goodnight love
good night love
so you really think i'm getting old do
you
yes do
what seems to be the problem desmond
surely says i'm getting old
yes
well i haven't been sleeping too well at
night lately any particular reason for
this if i knew the reason i wouldn't be
here
just slip your jumper off
oh
i'm not sure michael would approve of
your dressing off
never been doctored by a young lady
before
are your movements regular oh
look man just give me some sleeping
pills i'll get some sleep i'll be out
here here and everybody will be happy
i'm not one of these prescription
doctors desmond
when was the last time you did some
exercise exercise what's that got to do
with sleeping a lot
i'll just check your blood pressure
i'm not suggesting anything too
strenuous because you're not that young
what i mean is you need to stimulate the
body get the blood circulating so the
body feels naturally tired at the end of
the day
some light jogging to start with or a
brisk walk after the evening meal that
should sort you out yes
do an early grave
what's happening desmond
desmond this is doreen ah linda
uh
so what's the matter desmond the old
pacemaker gave me a hard time
looks like his eyes should be asking you
the same question
me i never felt better you see these
trainers it's them that put the string
in my step oh i thought it was dorina
linda uh julie it is it is her that
bought them for me
you hit the path
you want to catch a 36
yes quick
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen
colleagues
what can i say this promotion has come
as a complete surprise
it's true that over the years
you are not the only one i have to tend
to in this boy's brigade i do have other
work to do
has philip been given your grief again
no not really sir well only now and then
just now actually
mandy
yes sir what does my beloved boss have
to say about me nothing what nothing
about my chances of promotion at the
review board tomorrow morning no wait a
minute i'm your assistant if you want to
know what the manager thinks about you
why don't you speak to his assistant yes
but you're the eyes and ears of the
office mandy are you saying i'm a gossip
and a snoop sir
well you can keep your ear to the ground
let me know what the odds are i mean i'd
do anything
anything sir
i do something sounds interesting seth
i do everything in my power to assist
you in your virgin in korea oh that's
very burgeoning of you sir
how about dinner tonight 8 30 at the
capri like a priest you need a second
mortgage to eat there well if you get
the promotion you might be able to
afford one
yes
8 30 it is then
i got a letter from my brother back home
yes and
that is all right
you remember cow foot jacobs
yes they call him cold foot because he
had skinny legs
half range
well he's dead
remember iron lungs the fisherman
yes
he could hold his breath on the water
for three minutes he tried four and he
drowned
remember shower tom tony don't tell me
is that how you know
i am not surprised he must have been all
of 90. 99.
what a shame he misses telegram from the
queen
remember the reverend patterson he's
dead no he sends his regards
i wonder what the doctor will have to
say about desmond hmm he's very much
alive well he's not getting any younger
no but he's still younger than you
i'm gonna pull my dad's gone to the
doctor's because he can't sleep not to
hand in his obituary
[Applause]
[Music]
he went mud
[Music]
it was a high five what do you say
hey man you're really kicking with him i
couldn't borrow them tonight could i
yeah
[Music]
right
is that what i mean by our second
childhood
yes man what happened well i went to see
patricia and she prescribed exercise so
here it is the exercise range it's the
latest thing
i think it's too late for you
not at all shelly it is essential for
the efficiency of the machine that we
call a body that we exercise it very
frequently particularly for those of us
who are not so young
i myself i'm a bit of a gymnast
please allow me to demonstrate
[Applause]
and now for my grand finale
be careful you don't split your
different
there's one um how much them trainers
cars well they were they're about 90
pounds
how much
well they were in a station look they
got these things you can pump up they're
supposed to they're supposed to cushion
the feet my feet feel so comfortable i
feel light-footed
it means lightheaded
you pay all that money for something
that make your feet smell
please just go and stand over there
because i can't stand the glare from
that track suit anymore
it might have been you charlie what's a
hundred pounds here and a hundred pounds
there compared to good health you mean
you pay a hundred pounds for that
practice well it's only money you can't
take it with you well if you carry on
this way we wouldn't even have enough
money to get there oh damn i was testing
you
[Music]
hello ladies welcome to desmond salon
where you can get a kicking haircut from
a wicked stylist yes
you've been here before
i know because if you had i would have
remembered
[Music]
mentos
oh hello my little sugar plum
you sugar plum me you jumped up excuse
for a macho man
don't speak to me like that charlie
desmond have you looked at yourself well
of course i have
you look like an acid house river on
acid
and i said what
why act like a teenager when you can't
even chat this style i wasn't acting
like a teenager yes you were every time
a young woman walked into the shop you
practically tripped over your own smile
you're not just being friendly
you know they're saying if looks could
kill
well if looks could undress some of the
women that came into that shop were
practically naked by the time they left
this is all your fault
my fault yes
if darling said i was getting old and
needed to go to the doctor wouldn't have
gone patricia wouldn't have said he
needed exercise there wasn't a met but
got myself a tractor the trainer spent
the money felt young again felt good god
embarrassed and you embarrassed me and
and i ended up getting this
boy if he carries them out this will
have to go back to the doctors again
right 200
boring boring insomniac husband i
married one didn't i oh
you have a dull old boring insomniac
there i don't think you're dull dad that
chat suit is well bright
yes one i'll show you old bell and boy
they can be
no i did because yours was dull and
boring
i'm going out
i hope you're not gonna dress like that
you can go in that dress like that is he
the mood he's in i wouldn't put anything
past him what's the matter with him he's
undergoing a mid-life crisis he better
sort it out soon he hasn't got much time
left
michael i know that i'm going out mood
it means he's gone to the pub and you
can roll home drunk so what's new
michael don't keep an eye on your father
oh mother
look i've got to go i'm unchanged i've
got an important dinner engagement
tonight well i never said all night
i mean just for an hour or so hmm for me
all right for you
wow sean where are you going nicole
do i look cool
oh hey
cool
[Music]
[Laughter]
you see anything that most women don't
realize is that men need to flat come on
can you flush don't you poke fight come
on
about five years ago
how about you michael oh no no you gotta
adopt the girl patricia look father what
you need to do is to float out go home
and flirt with mother and then our men
should never flirt with their own wives
they should always float with someone
you see the else's is that i know this
body might look my age deep down inside
i feel just like when i was 21 21 yes
why is it that when you reach a certain
age people always think you're past the
past one
it's a long time since i had an itch
i don't know what you feel like anymore
you know sometimes i look at you
i think
why are you so ugly
they say like father like son
patricia says you look like your mother
i agree with her your mother's the
sexiest woman you will ever meet yeah
man
yemen
i think shirley is sexy
you do yes
well so you fancy my wife i didn't say
fancier i just said
forget what i just said can i forget it
go fight
if i ever catch you looking at my wife
gentlemen please
i think it's time to go home
yeah
father you have a sexy woman waiting for
you at home
porpoy
i'll give you a lift
[Applause]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
[Music]
anymore
is this your car sir
of course it's his car
it's definitely his car he bought
it so you bought it did you sir
you're trying to imply that i stole it
you said it sir not me i was just
agreeing with the elderly gentleman
would you mind stepping out of the car
sir
been to the pub i've always sir
yes but i haven't been drinking and you
won't mind blowing into this then will
you sir if my son says he hasn't been
drinking he hasn't been for the team
what's wrong officer he only has to blow
if he's had a drink only if you had a
drink then you have to blow i've had a
drink let me blow in it
let it go sorry sir we'll deal with it
look i know how to deal with
[Music]
and get off
oh now look what you've done
granddad don't you speak to me like that
i am older than you
they're my friends not figures
don't worry desmond i saw everything
oh michael ambrose your pathetic
assistant bank manager
uh yes
i'll have a bottle of champagne and a
dozen oysters to start with please
[Music]
look i don't even want to look at you
let alone talk to you i'm not going in
this thing
it's too small
fill it up just by looking at you
do you know how much tonight has cost me
why why is money the only thing to make
you angry i was talking about personal
costs not financial but it may well be
financial if i end up with a criminal
record how would i look at the bank oh
don't tell them about it
anyway we were put in here for drunken
behavior you were put in here for
drunken behavior what were you putting
here for trying to stop your drunken
behavior well at least your breast death
was negative that's because i didn't
have a drink
i wish i had then i had some reason for
being here rather than cooling off for
the night i mean what am i meant to say
to mandy for letting her down like that
ever since i can remember you've been an
embarrassment father
i don't know what it is it seems to me i
bring out the devil in you
but i don't need to you are the devil
i don't know father i mean
maybe we're getting too old to be
constantly at each other's throats
maybe when this is over we should call a
truce
yes
i mean never put up till tomorrow what
you can do today let's be adults about
this
i'm sorry i called you the devil
let's just do this time together what'd
you say father
father
well
they're keeping them in overnight
thank you
gloria pork why where were you when all
this happened
uh i i was finishing my drink
inside the pub yes
so how come you saw everything if you
were inside the pub
well when i came out i saw everything
i saw them getting into the van
what's up funny michael being arrested
i'd love to be there just to see his
face
stop it youtube can you imagine a bank
manager with a criminal record yeah
excuse me can i have a loan don't worry
mate i'll help you steal one
mandy what oh have they gone and who
might that be sir some people are
permanently gone some people are so gone
they never turn up you mean the review
board i mean you i know what did they
say when i didn't show never mind what
they said sir it's what i'm going to say
sit down michael
in case you'd escaped that big head of
yours and heaven knows it's humongous
we had a dinner appointment last night
mandy look i will explain but i want to
know what happened at the review board
is that all you're interested in well
nothing happened at the review board
because you weren't there
and to think i was nice enough to save
your bacon you
pig you did
yes i said there'd been a sudden death
in the family oh there will be when i
get my hands on my father
there will be when you see this what's
this that's the bill from the caprice
[Music]
you mean i let you out don't worry dad
your record's safe with me
desmond
shirley
you think you're gonna get around me
like that
yes right
just this once
i'm sorry charlie let the family down
well if you didn't get the notion in
your head to try and recapture your
youth no no this would have happened i
know
sean you can have that jogging outfit as
an early christmas present
i don't need exercise to sleep all i
need is a prison cell
that's dread pops i mean let's face it
it looks crisp on me and well sad on you
sad does that mean i can have hundred
quid trainers yes easy
you were right shirley some things is
for kids not for an old wreck like me
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
you
[Music]