paper was light gold in medieval times
[Music]
i want tobacco sugar
[Music]
that everything we thought we knew about
the world
might turn out to be completely wrong
[Music]
tree
[Music]
oh yeah
oh that's right shell
flashes those ganaches
please i hope you don't have any film in
that thing i'm camera shy you know ah
you're gonna fool me
camera this ain't a camera show it looks
like a camera to me then i think we can
say it is definitely not a camera
this is a camcorder video technology at
its best oh yeah make love to itself
that's not naomi campbell you're talking
to that's my wife
whatever she's sure about that i thought
she was your long-lost daughter
what do i want with a long-lost daughter
when you want to gotta can't find
because she's out sporting all night
until goodness knows when doing goodness
knows what that goodness knows where
thank goodness i'm not gloria i mean
children stay home and discuss the
future with their parents dears you've
been watching too much of the cosby show
mate yes mom she only just passed her
exams in the gambia we firmly believe
that as much time should be spent on
career guidance as it is on education
you hear that desmond
after all those years of studying he's
gonna take just as long deciding which
job he wanted
i always know what career my talents
were destined for this and what is that
then tone
do you know when i needed someone to
supervise the decoration of one of my
flats why do you think i turned to
louise and not to gloria because gloria
would have reported you to the low pay
unit no because louise knows what she
wants out of life and one is simply
responding to that
well thanks to one my daughter is out
with louise all the time looking after
your blasted flat instead of staying
home deciding on her career i was great
does that's great do it again
instead of staying here
deciding on her career oh yes i'll tell
you what i think i'm getting the hang of
this directing locked down to a tick
that's the sort of thing i've been
filming live i had a camera so
you just gave me a great idea
ah this is the life girl
quite light in no more advising for a
levels no more revising ever
a couple of lagers a couple of my dad's
lagers
and my own pads i wish it was more than
two weeks though oh the right matthew's
decorators are going to look like you'll
be here forever even better
you know i've always envied you gloria
back at a queue
level-headed
brought up in a happy understanding
family environment let me sound like the
waltons i mean
you know where you've come from what
pick um you know where you're going well
it was going to be pecking but it looks
like i've missed the last bus so uh
ain't that a shame i hope you're gonna
found home
what are you my mother
gloria
i don't care
if you're either now you're eighty you
must have your campfire to come home at
night i don't know what it's like and he
went that clock's missed
gloria you're thinking more about what
job you're going to do
honestly they treat me like their
daughter
i know it must be such a hassle having
someone show a keen interest in you
interest after 18 years keen interest
even you'd find the repayment's a hassle
anyway we're independent women of the
90s
hmm
it's got a certain ring to it
i've just had an idea save it for
university
no we could get our own place imagine it
gloria we could live like this all year
round
well i get parole for good behaviour
i don't think so and i've got enough of
my play as it is but you just said you
was an independent woman of the 90s i am
but i'm also a creature of comfort and
at home
it's free
move over spike the fresh prince of
pekkam is here
are you 100 sure about all this
there's all goes spare time all i'll be
doing is videoing the life of barbershop
i mean what's he got to go spear about
hey
well little things like you unscrewing
the legs to his table getting me to rig
his hand shower you taking the springs
out of the tilt also you can win five
grand on you've been frank yeah and
what's he got to go spare about saying
you're making a low budget european art
house movie set in a barber shop the
hairdresser's husband too
[Music]
[Applause]
i can see the reviews now
matthew adds very similar to you to a
gargantuan film of intellectual and
artistic integrity
[Applause]
dirty rain
[Laughter]
probably the best barber in the world
hey
he can't act a part of a barber just
like that why not he's been acting the
part of a barber dressed worse than that
for years
coming
positions everyone now look matthew
you are sitting over here right playing
a customer getting his hair washed by
desmond and believe me you are enjoying
it right this is going to take more
acting than i anticipated
you're sitting over there getting ready
to play dominoes with um i'll eat over
there come on
and
i'll be back to you in a minute right
that's all right take your time i need
to feel my way around this part
yeah
and uh tone your best boy yeah what else
best boy what's that
it's director's jargon desert
there's no water coming out of the taps
if he's not ready we are that's right
yeah yeah in a second pork pie tone
you're good at plumbing and yeah all
right who i am yeah yeah yeah
fellaini wouldn't have these problems
that's not a drop forget those two and
film me man i'm reaching my peak
keep it storm look this mic picks up
everything shh
oh no i missed it it's not good enough
now
oh no another one
[Applause]
i suppose that's your idea of a joke
did you get it all day late
why are you mashing up my truck
yes this i'll come clean with you mate i
was trying to do a you've been framed
more like we've been hurt
someone please put me in the picture
it's a tv show math you know own videos
gone wrong ah no wonder i hadn't heard
of it you see the only large
entertainment i allow myself is
mastermind
you really live life to the full don't
you man
right i want you to clear up this place
right now
oh
i don't want any more massive pranks in
this place
[Music]
desmond what you're looking for have you
seen my lagers anywhere why you don't
try the tumble dryer while you're at it
well i've already done that are you sure
you didn't drink them hmm
you know what your memory is like after
one of your loggers it's not my memory
is whitney who's still up there i mean i
invite to a fight for a drinker she gone
and drink out all my lagers if she can't
live by the rules of this house she'll
have to move out i think i'll go and
have a word with her all right
if she's to be spoken to i'll do it i
know what you're like hurricane this one
but listen somebody got to talk to a
street otherwise is yeah yeah yes some
of your time okay i'm on the way out
why that's a hard tune sounds like
somebody's enjoying themselves upstairs
not for long poop i think we got to go
to the pub instead
you can't invite a pensioner up for a
drink one minute and then tell him to go
down to the public
i was looking forward to having a wrap
drinking your lagers i'm paying man
let's stop talking tomorrow let's go
hi
um how hard a minute football
[Music]
gloria hmm
i know you only just passed your exam
yeah look some of your time
yeah okay
on your way out you're always on your
way out
you treat this place more like a garage
you're pulling in here where you want
fill up your petrol and then you zoom
off out again hold on
zoom mom you just stay right where you
are little miss otherwise you won't be
allowed out anywhere at any time
you know what guzman
if we leave now i'll treat you to that
ladder
allowed out mom i'm not a little girl
anymore you know i've got my a levels
huh
well a levels don't make it the woman
and as long as you're under this roof
you're still a little girl oh my gosh
stay under this roof well if that's the
way you want it that's fine by me
because two women can't live under one
roof
[Applause]
don't you suck your teeth at your mother
gloria jeanette elaine ambrose your
uncle pogba would like to have a word
with you
i've seen you wet your nappies i've seen
you sick in your bed i've seen you come
home from school in your eyes out and if
it wasn't for your mother and father
being there to wipe your nose
or to give you love you won't be able to
spell a levels left alone past them
you don't suck your teeth and walk out
on your parents not where we come from
so go to your room
come back and apologize
the first round's on you
you're welcome i don't know what got
into her but whatever it is popeye you
certainly did the trick
it's just a little something i never had
a chance to say to my own daughter
denise uh-huh i see it didn't take you
too long to come to your senses
no uncle paul part didn't
well go on then don't you have something
to say to your parents yeah
mum dad i'm leaving home
[Music]
what a miserable day
england cool eboy
you look as old as i feel
gloria no mr ambrose it's me louise but
she's all right she's with me around
matthew's flat
um well
can i speak to her please you could but
what what she doesn't want to speak to
you she doesn't look good to go alone
i'm only to go between mr ambrose and
besides she's sleeping we were up all
night yes clubbing it again i didn't
know in the end just did a lot of
talking and crying and more crying i
tend to get a bit emotional at these
sort of things you should have been here
you would have been in good company
yeah well that's why i'm calling she
says she's not coming back until she
gets an apology sorry
no not from you from mrs ambrose she
wants she wants charlie to apologize
what you want blood
what what is this world coming tomorrow
man can i speak to you on pikmi like
your picnic
but that's just it she isn't a picnic
i'm in charge
anymore
but then again i am only there go
between all right tell her shirley
apologizes now put on the girl
who was on the phone me
gloria's with louise at matu's flat
i thought she would be
it's going to be a lovely day
charlie
why don't phone gloria
i'm sure she'll appreciate having a call
from her favorite mother
yes man
she would have had to leave home soon
around later so why not sooner rather
than later but surely life goes on
you said it yourself if she's gonna
break all our rules she might as well
move out
and she's not coming back till she
apologizes first
what's this lee you resorted to videoing
your foot button
we're watching the playback through the
viewfinder to see what we shot yesterday
that's director's job and that is this
and we should have shot the director
look guys if we put our heads together
we're bound to come up with something
lee
my head is far too precious to be put
together with yours
really why don't we try filming outdoors
oh look we've done all the inside stuff
hello this one
look there's one i don't want to show
down i'm surprised you showed up you
wrecked my family then disappear faster
than linford christie i was only trying
to help this man i just gave gloria a
piece of my mind you sure you can spirit
since you've got two women who will
apologize to each other until one of
them apologizes to the other one first
why i don't envy your problem desmond my
problem you're on your big mouth
you can insult me as much as you want
there's more thank you i will but it's
not going to bring gloria back
you're right book bye
we gotta find some way to make them make
up
no matter what it costs as long as it's
not too expensive because i don't have
any money
what if charlie won't go there and
gloria won't come here i've got it right
who's coming to the part of me this
sunday it helped me crack this video
thing eh
gloria your skirt is too short
she's in here i'm sure she'll be pleased
to see you
and you took a level out
oh dad i thought you'd be mum
it's not the decoy then nice
rich bits matthews decorators and which
bits you oh it's really the guys i'm
just making a mess of things
take a seat
well it looks as if someone already has
this beanbag country around here dad why
thank you all bean
what brings you to this neck of the
woods welcome to watch paint dre
what do you think i'm doing here oh
let's not argue dad i'm sorry sweetheart
but
oh don't mind me
i'll just go and make cup of tea then
shall i no you can say lou
so this is where you live
well do for the time being
it's what we independent women of the
90s call a stepping stone well man you
don't miss this step and fall flat on
your face look dad it's not my fault all
right i'm fed up people nagging me all
the time i want to make my own decisions
in my own time in my own way i'm not a
child you know but you still have a
mother
yeah i know dad i know but that's your
problem gloria you know everything i
mean what do you know
well i know i embarrassed uncle pork pie
and you and most of all i know i let mum
down
is it me porpoy or is it me of course
it's not you
i expect everyone goes through the same
with their kids
you're so determined not to repeat your
parents mistakes you end up making a
whole heap of your own
don't look at me
i didn't exactly get any gold stars with
my daughter i didn't even get a bronze
star for my marriage
you know popeye i wouldn't mind if it
was just me
but in front of you as well
it's like everyone's got their beady eye
on me waiting for me to make one wrong
move
you can ask her a simple question
without her jumping down your truth so i
got out once in a blue moon of an
evening
every night she's out galivanti
i had to leave home sooner or later
didn't i
look me in the eyes and tell me you
weren't happy at home
shirley you can't tell me you don't want
her back
of course i do
but i'm not a rug for her to work on
i know
why don't we go for a walk in the park
tomorrow
lee wants everybody to help him make
this video where everything goes wrong
oh i should be the star of that one then
shouldn't i
you're probably right popeye
some of my worst problems have been
solved with a walk in the park and you
never know who you might bump into
right now let's go through it again
listen when the director talks you've
all got to pay attention right
now tone you ride the bmx towards the
tree all the time giving it something
out to the camera yeah i'll follow along
in my tracking dolly that's if pogba
gets there with it and just before you
smack into the tree matthew shouts out
geronimo did he say look you got a shout
out he's got here geronimo all right all
right he's not in australia anyway just
in time you op offered a bite out of the
way and five grand in the can
it's not gonna look like an accidentally
and i'll tell you what else it ain't
even funny
that is what he thinks listen right
don't shout out i beg your pardon trust
me it'd be brilliant don't share hat
when he gets to the tree lee i'm
surprised at you
20 of the prize money do what
it's my price for silence look this is
you've been framed not the price is
right fifteen done streuth never aggro
with an african especially one he's been
a business boy
okay tony there will be good good good
good right roll him well aren't you
going to wait for pogba and his trucking
dolly no no i'll have to do it on foot
besides
we're running at a light i think
why
you wouldn't understand his director's
jargon
right tone
go no no no no
and action
yeah yeah
[Applause]
hey
keep it stopped
[Applause]
oh my god what you're done you're
supposed to shut out matthew you didn't
shout i could have
damaged me looks yeah tell them you've
lost his voice and your mouth yes
well louise
can you take this trolley i found that
to weir lee's filming he said he needs
it for a tracking shot
oh what
it's director's jargon
oh yeah of course mr grant
so desmond on behalf of your client you
have to apologize to me first on behalf
of my client me apologize to you
accepted accept it but i haven't even
apologized why are you sneakier than i
thought first you apologize then you
take it back something i've been given
in the first place you started so you
apologize no i started so i got to say
who apologizes first that's the proper
way to do it are you saying that i'm
improper before you apologize to my
client you apologize to me first not
until you apologize to me first right
oh mom can't you stop him of course i
can hey you marx brothers keep that up
if you don't want any dinner
that's better
not so difficult to sort out a squabble
if you want to is it
what is for dinner
right now you are going to track me in
this dolly
it's a trolley
it's a technical term louise so i can
pan with my camera
this is gonna be brilliant this
okay math
ready when you are spiky baby
action
[Laughter]
he didn't do it for you did he i've got
him it's all right it's gonna be
brilliant
that's not funny matthew
don't worry
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
hey hold it hold it i'm just gonna move
in there for a close-up all right
[Applause]
[Music]
you