are you going to bug me i might get a
mug you it's that gorgeous one
and i believe i can run for decent
marathon
download
now
from the long run
[Music]
let's keep the music
[Music]
what you lying about you have a
toothache
partake
what's wrong shirl oh i know it's those
children of ours i've told you not to
let them bother you i mean you gotta let
go move on let them stand on their own
two feet
i'm not talking about two feet desmond
i'm talking about four isn't he cute it
would be cute if the wellington boot was
booting it out the door
now you could say that i told you before
i don't want a dog i'm not asking you if
you want a dog it's me that wants the
dog oh see you have the english disease
well i think there's too many dogs in
london already and in tests eight out of
ten pavements will agree with me you
don't want a dog in this house
all right okay
no dog
you agree of course after all you heard
the trousers in this house there's money
that's right as long as you remember
they fit me too
is there anything else you want to say
to me before i start to read this
newspaper no why you ask because you
always want to talk to me just as i'm
about to read a newspaper i don't always
yes you do no i don't
all right
okay
i want to
talk so dear this looks serious no no no
no it isn't you know i've been helping
out at that children's home surely get
to the point well most of the kids get
to go home at the weekend but there's
this one little girl there called daisy
did i ever tell you about dancing you
haven't stopped talking about her since
you've been going there you see daisy
hasn't got a home to go to her mother
abandoned her at birth and since then
she's been in and out all right all
right all right you can stay the weekend
you have a heart after us oh sure you
can't keep breathing people doing that
desmond
what look daisy is a nice child but she
has one or two behavior problems tell
how many one or two
she's been in and out of care and as a
result she's unsettled we have to handle
her with kate gloves not wellington
boots yes none
is she house trained
all right well it's okay by me
no desmond i'm serious
you have to promise me promise you what
well promise me you won't get angry and
raise your voice i promise
promise me you'll be the perfect father
figure well aren't tired always oh only
the day before father's day
promise me you won't come home drunk
after dominoes on friday
charlie
why we don't get a dog instead
it would be easier
[Music]
i'm sorry ladies but my wife will be
along shortly
it's a strange word that isn't it what
is wife yes
husband is a silly word as well yes no
it isn't
husband we know what band means we had a
band that didn't be desmond and we had
hearts in it no pope fry house is short
for house would you like to learn
something new no i'm going to tell you
anyway
the bad part of the word hazmat means to
dwell what's dwell there's a world with
a d in front of it not a lot of people
know that drawl is a pretty silly word
when you come to think of it matthew is
a pretty silly word now you've got a
mention
mention is a pretty silly word once you
start to dwell on it and silly is a
silly word especially coming from you
but you know what's the silliest word in
the whole of the universal space on the
galaxy know what baba
[Laughter]
oh man this place is definitely 60s dude
excellent
is this where you scalp your victims my
man scout
you what are you good park your backside
on that chair
okay
i bought an afro don't you all
we don't do our froze come on dude where
have you been he's been here
all right come on
daisy
desmond what you been doing to daisy
that is dizzy
as he took me so he shouted and he
screamed it was horrible surely he
didn't do that
you keep out of it poked by desmond if
you did i think you ought to apologize
the daisy do what remember what you
promised
what did you say shirley i never heard
him
louder desmond i'm sorry
would you like some money for some
sweets little girl
i've been told not to accept sweets from
strange men
well he may be a little strange daisy
but he is my husband you'll get used to
him
well daisy this is uncle pogba and uncle
matthew they're gonna look after you
while i do mrs johnson's hair okay okay
okay this is daisy gentlemen she's
spending the weekend with us hello daisy
hi dudes
daisy why don't you do our schedule for
the weekend excellent now daisy schedule
means timetable plan order of events
and americans say schedule by the way
drop the daisy what do we call you then
i know what i'd like to call her
kid just call me the kid that's what
everyone else does
what are you reading good question
i'm reading a book on greek mythology
why
because
i'm studying classical history at
college as an additional course
why
because you don't want to get a job
why
because he's a lazy good for nothing i
reserved that remark why
will you please stop saying why
why
because i said so
okay uncle desmond you're the boss
oh it's gonna be nice having her around
isn't it
man gloria's got no taste
[Laughter]
weird
you don't need a kid i presume
laura the adult i guess yes and you
better get used to that name because
that's who you got asked if you want to
touch anything in here in the
future and do you usually go around
using people's things without asking
first yeah well you're not gonna do it
to me okay the agreement is you sleep in
this room not trust the place
gloria what we've done to our tapes
nothing
can i ask you something yeah sure
do you normally dress like that
yes i do and if you must know i like it
i'm glad i'm not your
sister yeah we'll check it i'm my
brother how'd you think i feel
listen if you was my sister i soon
slapped that grin off your face
i told you not to shout at her i want us
to be nice to daisy please
please
okay i'll try
[Laughter]
do you like jazz or are you just posing
i like jazz he played with charlie
parker of course he did
miles the bird and fellainius they're
excellent dudes man real big though not
so bodacious
wow you're a bit forward for a
nine-year-old on you no it's just that
your sister's a bit backward dude
see
it's not like i'm a dance fake because
i'm into real music oh yeah so what sort
of music are we talking here we're
talking iced tea boogie down productions
flavor flames no we're talking man
you're also talking jazzy jeff and the
fresh prince no no no no it is soft man
i'm still a kid remember
you're safe man the arm's length
hey where do you get that ring from
um
your room
on another thing that kid could eat
she's a bottomless pit you know she had
five dumplings last night five
then she had four chicken drumsticks
rice peas two glasses of sauce up juice
that she still wanted afters
matthew what
well isn't there an old african saying
on this subject
no
but i know what an old guyanese will say
that's a world heap of food
tell me something where is she now gone
to the supermarket with shirley you're
sure to have enough food over there
i don't know how much longer i can take
that little rat in my room she's
rummaging for all my things yes and she
messed up on my tape she put them all
out of order listen i know we're
supposed to treat it with kid gloves but
i like to use boxing gloves on earth
you can write a whole stephen king novel
about what i'd like to do to her
you felt like that yes i do hold on a
minute i thought you liked her well i
mean you're always smiling at her that's
to stop this smile
okay where's the kid we all love to hate
i think he just walks through the door
i think you know who i mean father
uh this looks like a conspiracy what
have you done with her you haven't
chopped her up and put it in the freezer
have you
[Laughter]
we wanted to do a lot worse than that
just now on the phone
quite frankly i'm shocked that grown-up
people would want to be so vicious to a
kid have you met her well
no but
look i think mother's doing a great job
helping that with these children the
least we can all do is support her i
mean there must be a collective age of
about what 180 280 if you count poor pie
and you can't deal with a nine-year-old
you should be ashamed of yourselves
michael i asked you over here to use
your charm to speak to your mother about
this nine-year-old i didn't ask you over
here to make fools out of us no of
course not you can do that yourself
ah here they come a mother
let me help you with those thank you
here take these upstairs
come on
uh hello
i bet you're daisy aren't you
you enjoying your ice cream
yummy yummy yummy
can i have some
sure
[Applause]
[Music]
well isn't this nice hmm
everyone's here to show daisy what a
happy family is like yeah but mum
michael's not here precisely that's why
i am happy
i won't be a minute okay
did you enjoy your treats today daisy
what treat
didn't mum take you to the cinema
oh
yeah well did you enjoy it
yeah
ever thought of becoming a film critic
right last clue 14 across youth
resisting the norm eight and ten letters
well it's nice to see everybody having
such a nice time
look i found some board games i'll go to
board games for bored people bodices
right daisy your choice
what game would you like to play first
choose monopoly
is the only time i have any money or
property
personally i prefer games that challenge
the intellect and fire the imagination
shelly do you have clue though
this is supposed to be for daisy what
about snakes and ladders yeah i used to
be good at this game you never used to
cheat and you lost most of the candles
when you shut up you surely control your
children
what do you mean my children desmond
charlie is right they're your children
as well who ask you anything yes popcorn
who has your name
there's an old african saying a mouse
should never come between a lion and a
lioness who you calling a much
uh so all of this is my fault yes
what about happy families
i'm sorry about this daisy
look mom this just isn't working man is
it what if we just chip one time it's
not as if we didn't try and see you
later
time for a lovely evening surely yes we
must do this again soon
um i'll see them out as long as he's
just to the door and not to the pub but
charlie i just want to have a word with
you after i put daisy to bed uh please
all right let's have a game of dominoes
downstairs that's a game i can deploy no
it's a game
no no no no daisy
desmond doesn't like children scribbling
on his newspaper
sean and gloria used to do the same
thing
now
tell me what's up
it's nothing really
i'm just bored
well
tomorrow we'll do something really
exciting i promise
what better tonight
much better
now off you go and brush your teeth
okay
yeah
daisy
yeah
you finished the crossword yeah youth
resisting the norm
juvenile delinquent please man
can i go brush my teeth now
yes yes
excellent
of all the kids in all the world and
charlie had to choose her i mean the
thing about choosing this to choose the
best
but children do seem to be different
today what do you mean different
well when i was a child if i'm
misbehaved my father only had to say one
word and i'll get
your mother spoke to you when i was a
child my father only had to look at me
and i'd get
when i was a child my father only had to
think at me
you know what that does he wants yeah
but he wasn't there with me and you'd
see the difference but she'd been here
two full days already at least she going
tomorrow long time between now and
tomorrow
yes
thank you
[Music]
shirley how nice of you to include me
once again in the specially extended
family occasion where's the food
no pork pie we're doing something
special before lunch everybody got
pencil and paper oh it's a bit
alternative mum i mean what we're
supposed to do right until we're full
yes mother whatever this entertain daisy
session is i've got short tennis at two
o'clock so we better hurry up what's
your tennis it's for people with shorter
friends
reporting for duty sir right desmond sit
down
well now isn't this nice
it'd be nice if there was food on the
table
popping charlie is trying to tell us
something thank you matthew well today i
thought we might entertain daisy with a
few games
uh surely my little sugar plum you
forget yesterday ah but today is going
to be different today i thought we might
exercise our brains for why you can go
brother i exercise my brain all week at
the bank yeah then you come down here
and exercise your big mouth
that's enough
now then
the rules of the game are no cheating no
copying and no conferring
this is going to be very difficult apoc
five
and the first game is
mental arithmetic
well i think i'll sit this one out i
left my glasses downstairs
it's all right uncle david
i brought them up for you
thank you daisy
ready
you're allowed to write down the problem
but the sum you have to do in your head
what is
13 times
eight
divided by four
times 36.
michael this is a cheap man a mother
everybody uses calculators these days i
don't
mum was that divided by thirty-six
i lost my place now
no cheating
i've got it at last
the answer is
935. from 936.
do you know something
this is right
302.
try and keep up popeye
it's a fix oh such a good loser aren't
you michael
right
the next round is general knowledge
would someone else like to set the
question oh yes i have one
uh not too difficult for daisy about you
no
name the seven dwarfs
um uh happy huh grumpy
uh dozie oh you would get that one
wouldn't you
same thing
happy
grumpy
sleazy
sneezy gloria
how many so far oh god grumpy snoozy
[Music]
sleepy and dark
well done daisy
triumphant dudes
it's my turn
i have a ribbon
a man sets out on a donkey on monday
he travels for two days and stays one
night at an inn
he rests for a day he travels three more
days and arrives on friday how can that
be
arrives on friday
i know it was a leap year nope no no
that was on the fourth day nope no no
gloria he traveled by night no
the clocks went back
he crossed the equator
he ditched the duncan took concord
no no no none of you have got it not
even daisy
could you just repeat that please uncle
desmond of course
a man sets out on a donkey on monday he
travels for two days and stays the night
at an end you rest for two days then
travels for three more days and arrives
and frankie how can that be the donkey's
name was friday right
you never said the donkey had a name
that's the point popeye i would like to
know what the point of this cheap
humiliating unamusing time-wasting
exercise has been i mean a donkey ko
e-o-e-o-e always has to win
it showed us one thing michael daisy
didn't enjoy our childish games
yesterday because she she's more
perceptive and intelligent than any of
us realized hmm and i'm gonna have a
word with her teachers first thing on
monday morning
is that a good idea daisy bodacious yes
totally triumphant
[Laughter]
you hear that
hear what that my friend is the sound of
peace
now there's a silly word
peace
you never know what it means
you can have a hair piece or you can
have war and peace or you could have my
favorite word in the whole galaxy
universe and space race and peace
your definition of peace is no children
correct
oh come on desmond after a while you'd
miss them even michael nope
well you were even singing daisy's
praises yesterday before she left well
that's because i knew she was an
exceptional child oh desmond you seem
like me when i was a kid nobody
understood me nothing's changed
well i do hope we see her again soon
daisy certainly raised the level of
intellectual ambiance here a porpoise
what does that mean
well i'm sure she'd miss us too
hmm ah it was lovely to see her being
part of a family again well what do you
expect it's the ambrose touch
pity don't work all the time
michael
i've been thinking about your mother
and father how about your desire to hear
the patter of tiny feet again so until
such time as i or the other two
offspring decide to reproduce i brought
you something that will bring you some
joy and buy me some time
oh
[Music]
bring back the kid
[Music]
you