are you going to bug me i might get a
mug you it's that gorgeous one
and i believe i can run for decent
marathon
download valee now
from the long run
[Music]
let's keep the music sweet
for you
another bill
another deal for you
this one's for me
and that's your bill
oh no
what's wrong sir
oh lord what's up
what is it
it's only susie
hello my loving sister and
brother-in-law
and shirley as i affectionately know
i'll be visiting you on friday the 13th
see you then love susu friday the 13th
that's today
unlucky for some if your sister's coming
to say it's unlucky for us
she didn't say she was coming to stay oh
she lives in jamaica we live in tecum
she didn't exactly call her mother
i know desmond but she is my sister you
mean after all the wicked things this
woman has said about you you college or
your sister
well i still call you my husband don't i
well i tell you one thing i'm not having
that lion cheating scheming cantankerous
adulterous
certain woman in this house
just speak your mind dad
now my sister is not like that she's
just
i spirited
well look if we explained to her that
she could only stay for a couple of days
then she wouldn't take advantage
hello
home office
yeah um
well i'm afraid she's she's not in
mr turner yes mr turner i tell her that
you're called
that was for so wasn't it yes the woman
giving out all telephone numbers she'll
reach here yet
good morning tiger
how do you feel after last night
last night oh i love a man who's modest
you're like clark kent aren't you
mild-mannered assistant bank manager by
day but give you a phone booth or a wine
bar and you become
superman
oh yes the wine bar
did i um did you
did i do anything embarrassing oh well i
wasn't embarrassed sir but then
i'm not easily shocked
no don't worry sir you've given a whole
new meaning to the term hands-on
management
hello
reverse charges
okay why not
hello
hello michael
speaking
oh yes
listen my nephew
i want you to come and pick me up no
audrey says i'd love to but you see i'm
at work now and i can't leave the office
what do you mean you can't i'm your
auntie you know how much your customer
make this phone call yes i do 50 pens
every 30 seconds that's right
if you don't come and pick me up i will
stay on the line until you do
you can't switch me out because i'm the
one that's ringing you
want
[Laughter]
uh now mandy yes sir about last night
yes sir
you see we're both consenting adults and
as adults we sometimes do things things
yes mandy things you see when one's had
too much to drink one says certain
things and one does certain things that
one wouldn't ordinarily do ah but you
know what they say sir when one has had
too much to drink the real one is
revealed as you were last night
thank you mandy that was most comforting
mr amber's office now speak to michael
yes it's me you sir
hello hello
but i'm using the telephone booth next
door i'm at last 50p
i didn't turn up on your fancy phone
birmingham
i'm not an unreasonable man am i pork
pie
yes
who said you are man oh come on des
you're always saying that people don't
do enough to help their families the
trouble is so it's not desmond's family
she's my sister and there's more
sister-in-law more like an oaklaw
look there is one solution to this
problem if you don't want to put her up
for a few days
i will you
yes
any objections yes you're too young
for what we're only talking about my
spare room pork pie
hey i get it you're jealous no i'm not
oh yes you are because you know she
likes younger men well she can start my
place i've got a room free which was
vacated last week who you yes and what's
wrong with that
not too young that's for sure
i think that i should put her up
because susu and i have a history we are
from the same country and as her fellow
countryman i know how to make her happy
[Laughter]
you look
all right
don't you ever
ever do that again
you know what happens to me when
somebody tells me not to do something
tell him cheryl
what your auntie susu means michael is
thank you
never again
well desmond aren't you going to greet
me
both sides desmond this is europe after
all
you could have a mario man like that
you love passion
so
i see nothing changing the shop
you're still your pork buddy
hello sister darling you still here
tomato i thought you had more sense
hello tone
okay i'll come to the point
i'm only passing through
have some fun you know what i mean
i just want to share myself
[Applause]
his family desmond you'll be willing to
put me up
is that right um
yes yes
but
this is a family home and the things
that i have in mind is uh
strictly for adults only
so i've decided to stay elsewhere
anywhere in particular i don't know yet
what you're almost welcome to stay with
me susu
thank you matthew
but it's not my mind that needs
stimulating
you know what i mean ford fight
come on
you know them said that baldness is a
sign of virility
how about me and you going to a
restaurant to start off with 7 30.
after that
sounds good to me
good
can i leave up my bags at your house
i'll go one better than that you can
stay
you sure you can afford it
that's one
give pork buy some money gladly my
little
sugar keep the change
hunter 5 keep the lady
this susu uh a mr turner from the home
office run he wants you to ring him back
you all right
yes uh i'm fine
what did you tell him nothing
let's keep it that way
you're ready pork pie
yes
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
good evening
thank you
waiter
thank you
may i take your hat sir no
see anything you like yes
on the menu
you don't raise your voice in a
restaurant they might think you're
ignorant but you don't have to act it
okay okay okay sorry it's just that you
keep looking at the waiter
i just exercised in my eyes
we'll rest them now
so tell me
what's been happening you didn't go back
to jamaica
no
i was staying with my ex-husband sister
in birmingham but uh
we outgrew each other what do you mean
outgrew each other she drove me out
can you imagine that after all i'd done
for her
drawn out like a dirty piece of garbage
that's because the telephone bill was
400 pounds
it wasn't all my phone calls
i was missing my sons and i hadn't
caught up with the latest gossip in
jamaica
i was homesick
and lonely
you know the worst thing
after about six months they said that i
should earn my keep
i had to do all the washing up and
cleaning for them why didn't you get a
job
because i'm not a resident of this
country well how did you survive
well you know
i had some rich admirers
but i fed up with all that now they're
only interested in one thing i'm not
susu you're not why not
because i love you doreen don't call me
do arena
i know it's been them but people only
call me when i'm hungry with me because
i love you suzu
some wine sir no champagne
any particular champagne sir yes
champagne champagne
what love your
finest are you sure sir yes and now go
away
just
exercising
susu
i have loved you ever since the first
time i saw you you might think i'm a
normal making a fool of myself
but you're not spring chicken
and then as time goes by
we need each other poor pie
let's just take things slowly
huh
okay
you really love me yeah man
good
85 pounds sir watch
do nicely
pop i
will you
marry me i will i do i yes i do i mean
yeah
[Music]
[Laughter]
she loves me
desmond what are you trying to do kill
me no
she might know who is she
are you talking about my intended susu
listen desmond
we've been friends for many years but
when i told you i was getting married
the first word to come out of your mouth
was why
that's great poor pie well done like any
normal person what profile yes hush up
desmond
and i wasn't born yesterday
and he might be taking me for a ride
well at least it will be a happy one
everybody always seen me as an old fool
even when i was young
they'll be rolling we might be foolish
but we love each other
you know what it's like living on your
own at my age
well you think i spend so much time at
the barbershop because i don't want to
go home
so now i can look forward to going home
i'm not young anymore desmond i'm not my
age you find happiness where you can
i thought that you of all persons would
understand
it's all right for you
you have shirley
d have his ass well p wants his s2 is
that all right with you
so long as you're happy i am
good
best man
[Music]
um
there's a lady outside to see you sir
who is it i'm not sure um but she said
telling me here and we can't wait
we need some money for an engagement
ring
susu
okay uh mandy before you let her in yes
sir
what exactly did happen at the wine bar
and let's have the truth
okay
we were in the bar it was all very jolly
until a group of yobs in grey suits and
i imagine grey underpants as well
started looking at us one got the
distinct impression they didn't like the
fact that we were together anyway they
came over and asked me if i wanted
better company to which you replied
if theirs was the best company on offer
they better call in the receivers
anyway anyway the head lob took a swing
at you you pinned him against the wall
gave him a piece of your mind oh you
were magnificent
[Laughter]
is that um
all that happened sadly yes sir
how did you get a hangover well the
whole place bought you drinks
mandy yes sir
you're a brick oh sir
it looks like a double wedding
come in
you wanted to see me my loving sister
shirley
doreen stop your stupidness and sit
i knew you were angry you only call me
doreen when you're angry i am not angry
doreen you see there you go again
sit down
this must be serious because you don't
know how to begin
why is it that you always try my
patience hmm
why is it that after 50 odd years i
still feel responsible for you you don't
have to
well i do and i think this time you're
gone too far what are you talking about
you know what i mean i have no idea look
doreen don't act the innocent with me
because it don't suit you
i see men eating out of your hand i see
you chew them up and spit them out i see
you flipped from flower to flower like a
butterfly i see is jealous you're
jealous
of you
um
a woman your age whose life has amounted
to nothing why should i be jealous of
you so what is it you want from me i'm
sick to death of your look down your
nose attitude at me you think your life
better than mine look at it is this a
product of years of hard work could this
crummy world be upon martial
you think i want that
doreen
don't you ever comment on my house and
insult me so now put your backside on
that chair before pushing down
why is it when you get angry
[Applause]
[Music]
shut up
never before in my life have i been so
angry
you are trouble doreen you always have
been and you always will be and i hate
to say you're bringing that trouble to
others you bleed them suck them dry you
make me sound like a vampire
i'm surprised that you go for pork pie
i mean after all you don't have no money
i love him shirley no you don't you have
never loved pork pie if i had a pong for
every time you called him an idiot i
could change the world paper buy a new
song
no doreen
i know what you're planning
i know why you're marrying poor pie and
it ain't love
surely why you can't believe me for once
just this once
my loving sister shirley
so what am i going to do with you
you could make me a cup of tea
and don't forget to take tea with five
sugars
hello
ah yes just a minute it's for you who is
it i don't know
don't tell them i'm not here
well i told them you are already
and anyway they must have heard
everything because i didn't cover the
mouthpiece
hello
speaking
okay
i'm sorry
all right
five o'clock
okay
so you're all right
i must go and see pork pie
so
[Music]
if pork pug gets married ah when poor
pie gets married
when porpa gets married i mean he's not
going to be coming around every day to
sit with his little bosom buddy anymore
is he sean
pork pie has never been what i'd call a
body
or remotely connected with my bosom
you know it always amazes me how you two
can sit there day in day out i mean
you're so different what do you find to
talk about no we talk to you don't we i
don't know some of the best
relationships are based on opposites i
mean take desmond on me for example
that's right people often ask me why i
stay with you
in reply i tell him i'm too busy to find
somebody else
well i think pogba i will still come
around here anyway yes to get away from
suzuki oh yes we promise we'll be more
positive about the marriage
hello everybody
i'd just like to show you all my new
engagement ring bought for me by my new
fiance
with a little baby from my nephew
all right but we have some news to tell
everybody
i don't know where to start well you
better hurry up he'll be here soon
okay
you were right shirley as usual
i didn't want to marry pork pie because
i loved him you didn't you certainly
didn't marry him for his money no
i wanted to marry pork pie because i
wanted to stay in this country i knew it
i knew it the truth is
i've outstayed my visit here
and
mr turner from the home office streams
me to birmingham to deport me
my stupid sister-in-law give him your
number
after you talk to me sure
and i received the phone call
i felt i had to tell poor pie
i couldn't let him down when i told him
do you know what that stupid man said
he said
he didn't care
and that he still loved me
for the first time in my life for
somebody genuinely telling me them love
me
so now i'm going
goodbye shirley
thank you for everything
gloria
thank you sean
matthew
this is ear meal
this man
michael you have the car
so you're really going when mr turner
from the home office comes
tell him
again
i have a plan to catch
come on poor pie
i'm sorry it's all right mom don't worry
everything turned out all right in the
end how can you say that well i've got a
fiance in jamaica that i'm going to
marry all i need is a girlfriend here
and i'm laughing
[Music]
you