from the long an ocean freze to the DP
the rain of London
city we come from the Sun to live I miss
I want my C
not
over let's keep the music speak wind up
your
and that's not how to spell achiever
remember it's i before e except after C
who says those are the rules but when it
comes to t p always comes before
M those are my rules so which part of
your Memoirs you working on now poai
school days and you using the word
achiever I was a very promising pupil
yes you were always promising to attend
school and you always got sidetracked
well by my creative Muse Desmond but my
passion to create music I thought you
were with the Geor toown dreamers better
that than wandering the halls of
macademia for your entire life Academia
Pok Pai macademia are
nuts so that's why you there what are
you going to call your Memoirs Pok pie
the Diary of a Mad lollipop man h about
pork pie the Wilderness years no how
about a slice of pork pie I like
that at last a real
writer so Gloria how you getting on with
your article you know the one about
young black business people oh really
well Mom my editor is talking about me
going full time oh I like the song of
that man you still think you should have
featured me the fact that you're not
young dad oh particularly s uccessful
could have had something to do with it
mind you one out of three ain't bad this
so who you going to interrogate today
then Michael Michael well he qualifies
in all three areas he's the branch
manager of a bank he's young gifted and
black as opposed to old wrinkled and
knacked and Michael insisted that I
dress in a manner conducive to the
corporate backdrop EG nasty Navy and I
can't be like his bige headedness
because he's only allowing me 30 minutes
of his precious time anyway I'm off see
you
bye so Leia what's the secret of your
success the one thing that makes Mr Lee
Stanley stand Head and Shoulders above
his competitors is his unpretentious
approach towards his much valued CLE
onel quite simply he has the common
touch it P to remember the customer is
always King sit still now man
Mandy I'm still waiting for you to put
that call through to head office my my
did someone get out of the wrong side of
my bed this
morning just place the call will you and
just type up 300 reports and while
you're at it phone to see if sying is
free for squash and after that find me a
superlative recipe for asparagus sule
and what's the Belgian Frank doing
against the dollar hello I have a call
for you from Michael Ambrose at the
peeken
branch if you could just manage to pick
up the receiver yourself
hello Jade any luck with finding a
replacement for my PA
yet yeah Manny will be leaving by the
end of the month why uh I believe it's
personal look it's imperative I get
someone reliable
ASAP yes I want a smooth change over no
hiccups Mandy will show the ropes oh
youve got somethingone in mind what you
Mandy oh only our mothers could tell us
a part today
you're right don't tell me you've got a
letter from the bank manager something
like that um listen Gloria could we have
a chat after your interview yes she is
familiar with the
branch okay as long as it's any
temporary you better send her around yep
tomorrow will be fine right let's get
started Michael can't stay too long cuz
I'm going have lunch with Mandy what but
I'm supposed to be taking Mandy to lunch
29 minutes on Counting miaom
[Music]
oh
nice you know it's good to see Gloria
standing on her own two feet at
last sorry my little sugar
flow you know seen her in that blue suit
today reminded you of our wedding day
mhm I didn't wear blue I did oh yes you
got her
I wonder if Gloria and Alex will ever
tidy nut I suppose if he ever gets a
steady job but you didn't have one
Desman Ambrose when you married me I
know and your father was up in arms
against it now it's my
turn H there's no such thing these days
as a steady job there's more Cuts being
made out there than they ever been made
in here well we better get back to the
jobs we've got look at that Miss I
wouldn't mind so much but they never
leave me a tip don't worry my little
honey bunch with new triple action
Desmond household chores are a thing of
the
past look po left some of his Pages
behind time for a sneak preview yes M
you know how secretive he's been about
that yes well I mean I could give him a
hand I mean if I cast a critical eye
over it if popai wanted your critical
eye he'd have asked you for it exactly
that's why he left them behind he's too
proud to
ask you do that behind an old friend's
back well that's what friends are for on
your own head be it
Desmond deara Fitzpatrick Geor s's
answer to Josephine
Baker I didn't know that PO
payan I wonder what else he's been
hiding under that Pok pie hat all these
years the sly old dog happy now
listen to this
Charlie it is time dear reader to
introduce you to one of the key players
in my life Desmond Jazzy D Ambrose a
more conceited and unpleasant character
you could never wish to
be the hours I wasted listening to this
man Desmond drawn on about his foolish
theories on this that and the
other dear Lord if I could live my life
again please make sure that Desmond has
no part in
it there must be some mistake no no it's
here in poke P his own handwriting poke
pie would never well he
has after all these years thinking that
poke pie is my best friend I sue him for
slander for deformation of character
when I'm finished with that Augustus
Neapolitan turn coat back slapping gr
he'll wish he'll never meet me I tell
you what a slice of folk by indeed I'll
cut them up into little
pieces what Michael said to you well
it's only a matter of time I'm supposed
to stay on and help my replacement
settle in so they smooth change over the
sword of dles is hanging over my head
what he's got some grit going is he you
two are an item you know try the count
sort of thing well obviously he's tired
of the relationship and wants to get rid
of me throw the file marked Mand do you
his emotional outray
steady you know you could turn this to
your advantage yes I could write a
bestseller saying how you should never
mix balance sheets with bed sheets no
get in there first hand in your notice
telling what you can do with his poxy
job and do
what go into business with Fiona at the
art gallery you and her got like a house
on fire on Alex head's exhibition there
with Fiona's artistic flare and your
business Acumen what this guy's a limit
you can be independent woman of the '90s
just like me snatch Victory from the
jaws of
defeat F would make a great team like
felmer and Louise C Lacy salt and
pepper don't worry I think I'm going to
go for it I'm going to tell that Banker
of a brother of yours exactly what I
think of him yeah what it works for me
and when I finish this bottle Michael's
going to get a very big surprise and
when I finish my article he's going to
get another one and I think I was going
to write a glowing article on Mr Michael
Ambrose but now I owe it to my readers
to tell them the truth to The
Independent Women of the '90s
of course when I worked here a lunch
hour was exactly that 60 Minutes Mandy
must have been delayed anyway pamelo we
I wasn't expecting you till um tomorrow
no time like the present Mr
Ambrose I'm surprised that you asked
head office for my services at all I got
the distinct impression when I was here
before that you didn't when you were
insinuated that I only got the job of
bank manager because I was
black a misunderstanding Mr Ambrose no
no no Michael please you are going to be
working for me after all albeit on a
temporary
basis ah
Pauline thank you very much you'll
notice quite a few new faces around here
yes
quite well well
well if it isn't Pamela Peterson the
perfect PA although of course in your
case PA stands for pain in have you been
drinking yes Michael and plenty of it
I've been celebrating the end of our
relationship professional and otherwise
what this is highly
unprofessional when I was here when you
were here used to go about as if there
was a bad smell under your nose and you
were right there is something rotten
here and its name is Michael
abro
Mandy I think you should
go home excellent idea Mr Ambrose that's
exactly where I'm heading I'm quitting
as of now it was bad enough that you
were going to sap me but to replace me
with the wicked witch from up West is
unforg M
wait
Michael you have a 2:00 appointment Mrs
mcweeny has been waiting for 15 minutes
already what shall I tell her
just
go oh man to find out your best friend
thinks less of you than your worst enemy
look deso when POG Pie gets here before
that man comes back in here again hell
would have frozen over shut up Lem I'll
finish you off l
oh no does this mean de is making the
tea remember to keep the pot hot Desmond
and popie likes his milk in first that's
the last time that man will eat or drink
in here ever again you think of the
number of times that he's come up to me
capping hand begging
pleading for what just things you
wouldn't
understand what's all this about n this
well it's A Private Matter between that
that lollipop man and myself this can
only mean one thing meth well there not
must sported pork by having a haircut at
fat
Laris that's far enough in fact that is
too far what don't you come the innocent
with me you Judas you double
deing get out of my shop one at least
let him stay oute stay out of
me there one all I said was that poke
pie likes his milking first that's the
last time the very very last time that
man will have his milking forest in this
shop as of now he's banned from my shop
me rum my domino table my house and my
[Music]
life this has been a dreadful Day first
pork pie betrays his best friend then
Michael does a dirt your Mandy and now
I've just realized that two of my
library books I overdue and I have to
pay a fine well they say trouble comes
in threes no we should find out all the
facts you're all acting like judge and
jury here exhibit a is this or is this
not Pok P's
handwriting no one else wres quite like
Pok pie it's like a mixture of
hieroglyphics and
Mone this demara Fitzpatrick was
certainly a go ain't this who was she
then Dad Never Your Man
I had no idea poke pie had any dealings
with that woman exactly none of us knew
poke pie at all oh what about Michael
then you can't say he a your own flesh
and blood I've only known Michael for 32
years I've known poke pie for over
50 there's an old African
saying you can choose your friends but
you can't choose your relatives he
Desmond that's not an African s yeah
everyone says that well I think we may
safely assume that an African said it
[Applause]
first well I know my son and I don't
believe a word of it sh's got a point
there claw I mean all the evidence so
far is purely s s well it's word of
mouth is
it it's all got wrong what's happened
well I resigned and Michael just stood
there and let me ladies and gentlemen of
the jury I give you exhibit M I thought
I knew Michael his mood swings his
Oddball sense of humor his funny little
padillos well he never got any of dose
from me no J man look let's go upstairs
and talk this thing through come on
Mandy don't worry Mandy that son of mine
will reap what he's sown he's going to
get a nasty shock when he reads glorious
article a beat there one of dominoes
but I've done that hundreds of times
before I scratched his 78 recording of
the pataro Pok knockers Calypso
band but that was in
1962 can't have taken him all this time
to get
angry maybe he is
sick he seemed strong enough to me when
he threw threw me out of the
shop oh
well Lady Luck has left me in the Lurch
again no
wife no
family and now no best
friend Mandy there's something you have
to understand about Ambrose men yeah
them are
tick let's just say communication is not
the strong point well I got the message
loud and clear well they don't have any
problem being loud it's being clear
toine difficult I've never had any luck
with men as far as I'm concerned the
world would be a happier place if every
man just disappeared of his own ego be
specific Mandy is Michael we'd like to
all see vanish off the face of the
planet Gloria that's an awful thing to
say I'm sorry Mrs Ambrose I don't mean
to start a family r arguments are a way
of life in this
family but you're right about one thing
though whenever there's trouble men are
usually at the root of it and it's down
to the women to sort things out go them
[Music]
all look Gloria tell Matthew and Lee I
want to see them up here now all right
Mandy don't worry if it's going to be
all right mom's got her attitude on
Gloria are you still here why do you
want to speak to Matthew and Lee Mrs
Ambrose I don't want there to be any s
of rough stuff Mandy the only person
handing out any rough stuff around here
is going to be
me I've just put the last of Mandy's
belongings in a carrier bag although why
she needed this I'm sure I don't
know it must have been for that um
in-house
promotion um I've taken the liberty of
ordering a motorcycle Courier to take
the back to her flat and
if you finish the letter accepting her
resignation I could type it up and pop
it
in hello Michael amro's office Pamela
Peterson speaking how may I help
you may I ask what it's
concerning it's a personal
call thank you Pamela that'll be all
look Mandy ah hello
Mother yeah well actually I'm rather um
no no no no no it's fine no it's not um
yes yes look if you insist I'll be there
look I'll said I'll be
there m if you're pushed for time I
could write that letter for you and sign
it on your behalf of course it would
help tremendously with the phrasing of
it if you could tell me exactly why you
saw fit to replace Mandy
she was never a suitable person for this
position anyway too
young too
emotional really and I can imagine that
you had other good reasons for letting
her
go perhaps I should tell you in the
strictest confidence of course oh of
course M lovely this will help setting
my nerves I mean supposing Michael comes
in sees me then turns on his heel and
goes right back out again just let him
try you're amongst friends Mandy and
what you need is a Little Dutch courage
oh no thanks Gloria Dutch courage didn't
get me very far at lunchtime I think I
need to keep a cool head that's a very
good idea Mandy absolutely it's like
playing dominoes when facing the enemy
you've got to be cool Cal and collected
never showing the slightest flicker of
emotion never show your hand you right
you know we brought
him get out of my house I told you I
only came because shley asked me to what
we got to get everything sorted out
tonight this mon this business between
you and poke pie and Michael amandy oh
what a woman your ancestors must
definitely have come from The
Gambia look she was right this just ear
the man out he go on Dad oh all right
all right can you explain these po p ah
my missing pages I've been hunting high
on low for
these don't tell me you and deor
are and I quote the number of ours I
spent listening to that Dreadful man
Desmond defend yourself now that is
simple Desmond this is Page four and
this is Page 64 page stories about my
school days and that dreaded Headmaster
we had archal Desmond archal Desmond
that man could frighten you to death at
50 pieces look the pages aren't in order
page 64 about my ills spent youth that's
where you come
in what you're trying to say is that
these Pages don't run consecutively no
I'm not what I'm saying is that they
don't run
together my dear friend come on have a r
surely I told you it was some kind of a
[Applause]
mixup fi I should have known better yes
you should oh seconds out ran to who M
where have you been I've been trying to
get in touch with you all day I've been
here Michael amongst friends I think you
got some explaining to do Michael you
should be ashamed of yourself your
Banger of
V if I had an account at your branch
I'll close it on principle what's going
on is Michael writing a book to no you
sacked Mandy what don't try to deny it
Michael I heard you on the phone
arranging my replacement with that
horrible woman Pamela you've got the
Floor Michael I'm sure there's a simp
explanation well actually there is
father I was planning for Manny to leave
at the end of the month but why Michael
because head office strongly disapproved
of people working close together who
were who were
married what
married look I had plann to discuss this
with you in an intimate atmosphere over
dinner down at J's tutoria tonight but
married
Mandy will you Mar
yes
Michael
well where's the ring then Michael I've
made an appointment with one of my
contacts in Hatton Garden Mandy and I
will choose it together oh Smart movie
you didn't want to get it first just in
case you got a
knockback the few future Mrs Ambrose and
I would like to invite you down to
Gina's tonight for a celebration meal
come on I haven't been able to eat all
day romance and generosity you may be a
chip off the old block
yet uh Michael if you don't mind I'll
catch you up later why is that Gloria
well let's just say the article I wrote
about Michael wasn't exactly that
flattering in fact it was a little a
hatch a job yeah Dad what and it goes to
press in 11 minutes I just got to make a
quick phone
call oh Michael
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
p