i want
is
[Music]
it's just give me one last hug
hello
who's this what do you mean who is this
how many women you have for you long
distance in the middle early night from
jamaica since i was just dreaming about
you well i hope it was good come on
[Music]
it's early over here it must be even
earlier over there well you know what
i'm saying about the early bird yes but
you're engaged to me and i don't want
you out catching any worms relax spooky
baby i have a few friends dropped by
unexpected so i thought i'd take them to
a club or two and shake my thing if you
have a nightclub
you have enough tensions a barra wanna
demand them mobile phone i'm doing my
name generous
which reminds me
mr piano man play that tune for a minute
[Music]
i just called
to say
i love you
i just called
to say how much i care
i love you
and i mean it
from the bottom
of my heart
[Music]
thank you susu
if he will let me borrow a mobile again
i will call you later
you put the phone down first
no you wouldn't have gone
down first
[Applause]
i'm the luckiest man alive
what you say
you want to carry on where we left off
or what
who want tea and toast oh yes felicia
well while you're making mine's with
milk and no sugar
all of a sudden i'm not firstly anymore
me too i'd live far too much anyway i
might have one later much later
don't worry shirley i'll make you cover
today thank you ricky
free sugars please rick small boy for a
change no milk with a touch of honey
ricky come back here you spend more time
in that blasted kitchen you spend in the
shop ricky go back to t
shirley's tweet one on favorite ricky
ricky t
[Music]
i just called to say how much i care oh
my god
i love
you i've seen some things in my time but
a stevie wonder lollipop man
from the bottom of my heart
book my old boy like somebody went out
fishing last night yeah man
if you caught anything i hope you throw
it back in the water you're supposed to
be engaged in my little sister susu
remember yeah sure you don't understand
i went out dancing last night with susu
popeye
may i remind you sushi live's over 4 000
miles away in jamaica what kind of dance
were you doing the quick step
i sometimes want to ask how you manage
to keep that relationship of yours alive
i mean when you're asleep she's awake
when you're awake she's asleep
in different time zones i mean when
she's over here
hello
jamaica
reverse charges not today thank you
hello
yes we will accept the charges surely
so sue
is everything okay
of course desmond doesn't mind all but i
know so you better make it quick
hello
my little fried dumpling and boiled
banana
little fried dumpling and boiled banana
hey don't knock it right it worked for
pork pie now you should take the leaf
out of his book
you're the ken in my kentucky fried
chicken
oh forget the leaf just take the whole
book
but stop
there's my name shelley you two still
together
i said green
you're still chasing other people's man
charlie oh don't worry desmond it may be
25 years but i know when shirley ambrose
is joking
but really you're looking good
but what happened to that lovely purple
floral blouse you used to wear
all the time
oh
what is it you used to call me your
little fried dumpling and wild banana
looks like pork pies helping himself to
seconds
i thought pork pie was engaged to susu
oh thank you
allow me to introduce myself
i am higher since green the one pogba's
wife catch him in bed with him
you mean you don't have no shame oh you
know me shirley not one to beat around
the bush yeah that's because you were
always too busy in the bush
now when was the last time i see you oh
[Music]
rylane 25 years ago that's right when
poor cry your wife run your outer
peckham uh hyacinth
so what brings you back to these parts
oh i'm up from bristol for a few days my
eldest has an interview at london
university
and get three airs you know really you
must get his brains from his father
i could help you narrow it down a bit
i also thought it would be a good chance
to catch up on old friends you look like
you put on a bit of weight you don't
look like you can catch up with anything
oh i get it you're the one that caused
pork pie's wife to leave wendell and
nephew
and you'll never write and tell me
so
poor pie
how are you
happily engaged to my sister
secret mancunian recipe with a serious
dash of guyanese hot pepper sauce
oh no i'm going to be late for football
practice then i'll be back by about
10ish yeah she do that i want to go over
razor bumps with you tomorrow you
certainly know about job incentives
don't you desmond
good job you invited me to the dinner at
such short notice shirley i was going to
have hyacinth round oh
well look in my fridge you only had
three fish fingers and a piece of yellow
yam
he hardly missed out on nouvelle cuisine
then
ice and green
25 years boy
and she's still looking still look what
as if you put on a bit of weight
i would just like to see heist in green
going back up to bristol the two of you
never saw it i did you because i have
seen that woman up and down on too
many lives and when i said i mean
i must say i've never seen you like this
how can i tell people that they don't
believe me
she's not going back tomorrow huh well
the caller's on back for a second
interview so she's staying an extra day
at her cousins in the block next to mine
would you like to come to dinner
tomorrow i'd love to shirley
but i'm meeting her soon
for a drink tomorrow
popeye i don't think you getting
involved with hyacinth is a good idea
i'm not getting involved with how you
sent i'm already involved with so soon
and here is somebody else who never got
involved
very drool father remind me not to crack
that one up my after dinner speech oh
you're doing an after dinner speech well
yes when
after dinner
you don't know
has he been at the christmas sherry
hopefully i believe this uh fax from
jamaica is for you susu
yes and could you tell her not to keep
sending reverse-charged faxes to my
effects at home
it's costing me a fortune deadpool pie i
want to kiss up the whole of you until
now when i finish with that i'm going to
heavy breather facts
now
blowing
kisses
back to you my darling
oh can you fax this back to her
call it a very early wedding present
anyway look i must go my audience awakes
ladies and gentlemen
unaccustomed as i am to public speaking
i'd like to take this opportunity
to welcome charlie
where did we get together
you know it's amazing oh something so
techno whatever you call it like a fax
can make you feel all warm inside yes
and any hanky-panky with highs in green
could put all that in jeopardy hair here
well don't judge me by my one mistake 25
years ago
tomorrow i'm going for a drink with my
good friend hyacinth green
there you are
i said i'd walk you home
and now i've walked you home thank you
but there's only one thing
what's that this is your flat
[Music]
you see what happens when you insist on
buying me drinks i've got to
walk you home all over again i can't
steer for a little night cap
[Music]
it's a whole time saved
[Laughter]
you know what this is
if the night cap fits drink it
oh boy
[Applause]
you always didn't know how to scratch my
itch
you remember that house that we all used
to lodging
if those walls could talk i bet you
they'd be calling our names for peace
[Music]
[Applause]
why you never determined that gwendolyn
left you after a little thing well i
thought it's best not
wouldn't put up with being separated
from his woman so long you know it's not
healthy but i've got a good pillow i can
fluff but can it fluff you
it's not like she's going to walk in on
us you know like gwendolyn did
a cab i'll call you a mini cab back to
the next block can't you see that fat is
giving us a second chance
oh just think of that pillow
[Music]
isn't green
call you
well there's no need for language like
that
if you would just stop shouting for a
moment i i will go and get up
some people ignorant to you oh my god
you know how many dollars i spend in
monday's one
pie baby
[Music]
wake up
[Music]
[Applause]
what with last night and everything
don't tell me that you have changed your
mind i told you no
although the springs in the sofa were
trying to convince my back that i should
have slept in my bed
who was that on the phone oh i think she
said her name was a susu
[Music]
oh not like that like this get to me
father i'm late are you going to drop me
to school or do i have to call a cab
oh why did i just get a flashback of
michael as a six-year-old
son precociousness if he takes any
longer shaving you i could sue for
willful neglect however
the boy does know his rights
let me show you willful neglect funny i
had the same flashback
i'm awful
now ricardo observe
the lather should be as smooth as ice
cream ice cream is bad for your teeth
so just slap around the chops
you really think you're a big man don't
you yes good we'll treat you like one
ricardo
and i thought it was only policemen who
were getting younger
follow the contours of the face
and be careful of those razor bumps yes
be careful of those razor bombs
and follow it right through keeping the
razor
i mean cool at an angle
right there
there's nothing like a good shape to
start the day
our morning pogba yes yes yes that's why
can i use your phone no some demented
lollipop man is using it
someone hurt yes me if i don't get in
touch with susu before tsusu gets a hold
of me you falling in jamaica
houston stayed last night what yeah so
we
had a bit too much to drink so i gave
her my bed oh how generous of you but i
stepped on the sofa suzuka i sent an
answer then two super two and two
together i get 233.
what am i going to do i think you better
teach her a two times table mate
she keeps slamming on the phone every
time she hears my voice how come you
blame her pogba we want you not to get
involved with hyacinth green i'm not
involved with ice and green i'm not
involved with anyone what happened to a
man is innocent until proven guilty
okay
let us look objectively at the evidence
before us
your ex bit of fluff stress into town
you whisk her off into an intimate
watering hole both stagger to your
bachelor padded and she ends up staying
the night in your bed
it hardly looks like a miscarriage of
justice popeye
surely look suzuki listen to you why
don't you call her and tell her what
really happened yes susie would listen
to mika she knows i'm going to tell her
the truth and the truth is pope why i've
only heard your side of the story
well now you can hear the other side of
the story i said tell them what happened
last night and what's there to tell
a man a woman is lollipop uniform which
reminds me of
your pajamas
i got a liberty that's your problem
you're always taking liberty to your
nails your nails
around with my friend's husband you may
even have tried to fool around with my
stupido she did not fool around with
your stupid husband i mean me
but you're not going to fool around with
my sister's fiance anymore what do you
mean by that anymore tell them nothing
happened tell them no who do you people
think you is
well if this is the way you want it
you'll be pleased to know that i'm going
back to bristol today oh cause i suppose
sorry no come back i need you to explain
more
don't you hear she's explained already
now you can explain it to susu
[Music]
popeye you can't keep tormenting
yourself like this
okay
yes or no
look guys we definitely got to do
something perhaps if we're trying to win
a game hey look at it this way porky you
might have lost a fiance but you've
gained an engagement ring
i thought you were gonna tell that
fiance if you also stop sending me faxes
this time she told the operator that she
was executor to the bob marley estate
and that she wanted to pump and i quote
here some serious corn into the bank
that's for me i think we've been trying
the wrong approach okay
i can't read it
read it for me michael oh do i have to
yes
dear poor pie since i catch you with
that sling back weave on coco foot of a
woman
oh do i have to do this yes
a whole heap of things have been flying
around my head
don't bother call me because i'll reach
down that phone line grab you by that
scrawny little lack of yours grab she by
that
big old broad stomach of hers which
favor we call belly pork you forget to
put in the fridge
and then twist the two of you together
like i was rinsing out one of them old
crimpling blouses you have to ring out
by hand
my marriage over even before it began
i know you must feel no you don't for 30
years you've had a loving wife a happy
home all that i lost
but susu changed all that until stupid
me i do it again without even doing it
again oh paul we've all been caught
moonlighting if you know what i mean no
don't i just
you know surely almost suspected
something between me and i said
when was this well before the two
earlier became the talk of tikkum
every afternoon she was a comedy
barbershop bangla half past four when
surely he was looking after michael she
was into the shop and she's shopping and
rolling big sexy eyes with me and you
know chatting
what happened gwendolyn through pokemon
that's what happened
and i said to myself dear but for the
grace of god
well take it from a man who's had his
heart broken once or twice
okay once you'll miss her but you'll get
over her and i miss so even before i
lose her and i still miss her
don't you have beds to go to yes an
empty one
how long have you been standing there
long enough i'll go
all right since when i thought you went
back to bristol i was on my way then i
decided to call ron at your place but
you weren't there if you think you're
spending another night at pogba is
you're sadly mistaken
nothing happened between me and pork pie
at last
i've seen you so in love with susu
well you know me
i always did want what i can't have
i won't interfere ever again
you never have liked me have you surely
ambrose
no
i don't like the way you breeze around
causing havoc wherever you go but you
showed me what was wrong with pogba and
gwendolyn and what is right with pogba
and susan well i suppose that's
something
it's just one thing though
could anything have happened between you
and desmond do what this this man
what's so funny
what happened to all them times used to
come in the shop without fast food
oh well that was the time i used to
leave pork pie and to make sure that
gwendolyn never catch rihanna way home
from work what better alibi than i spent
the day shopping then stopped off at
desmond
so you see nothing happened
i forgive you
but i didn't do anything wrong a woman
you used to mess around with spend the
night in your bed wearing your pajamas
and you said i didn't do anything wrong
in that case i accept
for a while there i thought that you and
i were no longer you and i
at least i can put my first marriage too
wow
you're gone
we just got two hours by i dig up your
guitar patch
that's what you want if you do and you
make one of them get away move yourself
who do you have in your room
sorry poor pie i'm back
suso so what kind of man you have coming
into your room at this time of the night
press yourself for pie is it again
[Music]
in your bedroom
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
you