i
[Music]
the music sweet wind up the west
good morning
oh morning pogba matthew sit yourselves
down your tea and toast almost ready
you got me to yourselves today listen
hear that silence no desmond
you see all god is good
i don't believe it you actually got the
old goat to go on that
small businessman's course i think it's
an excellent idea shirley well where did
you find a team of wild horses to drag
him out of here no michael just kept on
and on at him until he gave in he told
desmond he needed to brush up on his
business skills it makes a change from
brushing up here
it's highly commendable all education is
mind-expanding so that's why your head's
so big
at least i don't go through life in a
state of ignorance well this ignorance
is bliss and that's all i ever wanted
well i wanted some good company i'm not
used to being an abandoned woman oh
never again never ever again
what did your father get away all right
well it was the train on time did he get
a packet of paper hankies did you take
him to the little boy's room don't you
talk to me about it i'd wish i'd never
suggested this course in the first place
why what happened well i was halfway
down the road before i realized he
deliberately left his suitcase on the
pavement then he said he'd lost his
tickets and didn't have any money for
emergencies i had to give him 50 pounds
mother i can't believe i actually stood
there and said father it's never too
late to learn
i admit it mother i was wrong yeah
he got away all right in the end only
after a 15-minute conversation with a
platform god he said he recognized from
back home
i mean he must have shook the man's hand
for the best part of five minutes
listen i haven't ever worked british
real was he alex told fat man with lee
mo tankiasa
no
did he know desmond no but he does now
i've got it i've got it
good morning desmond
oh hello dad i thought you'd already
gone
oh wants to speak to you
desmond get back on that train
what do you mean you are
oh you're using michael's mobile phone
yeah
yes everything's okay don't worry the
place won't fall apart just because
you're not here for a couple of days
what's that
you use the money michael gave you to
upgrade yourself to first class
oh yes oh
oh yes okay bye
he says his breakfast has arrived and he
hung up
looks like desmond is learning all about
business already michael all i'm saying
is that i may not always be around to
keep an eye on things well now we're in
europe business commitments may take me
overseas
didn't realize you had branches in the
eye of sheppy
i'll be at the bank if you need my
mother i'll be back to do the accounts
bye
you know what i think it's great dad's
going back to college well i heard how
to approve of people trying to further
themselves yeah you're right man and the
further you get away is the more higher
tools
you know
many students say they could not survive
without a grant but the one grant i
could easily live with that is augustus
neapolitan cleveland grant
oh but i couldn't vote for him well i'd
better be off to college oh what's your
lecture today matthew it's on the
evolutionary relationship between homo
sapiens and homoleanta talus who
me and you for five bye-bye well in that
case you can buy me lunch for helping
you out
well ricky what have you learnt from dad
since you've been working there well i
think i've picked up the basics how's
this
sister naman
[Applause]
[Music]
gather around ladies and gentlemen stick
your hands in your pockets
haven't you heard the news oh it's
unbelievable you've gone legitimate and
decided to take up a collection for all
the people you've ripped off in the past
no no no it's even more far out than
that huh
big jacko and rosie are finally gonna do
the deed they're taking the plunge
they're getting married now after 15
years of knocking about together he
popped a question and they're tying a
knot on saturday you never sent it to me
rosie and big jacko jackal with the half
here yeah
yeah yeah it's great and it's a copper
i like your wedding
yeah that jackal is a real tough case
rosie must tie a pretty tight knot oh
tell me what that giza has been in so
many rucks he's got bits missing all
over his body poor rosie no no no
they're made for each other them too
no well it would take a strong woman
like rosie to hold jackal down you used
to be a professional wrestler i thought
jacko was a duck worker yeah he was
rosie was the wrestler
you have the news rose is marrying
nutmeg big jackal with the half ear yeah
how did you know i'm doing a collection
look well that's the first you're doing
for the society page of the gazette as a
matter of fact i am hi mum i got stopped
in the road by three people who want
their haircut for the wedding listen
listen i heard it's going to be a really
big dude jacko is a big man yeah rosie's
an even bigger woman
hello desmonds
oh
it's rosie
hello rosie
congratulations
yeah
yeah of course we can
so um
that's you
your sisters
and your mom
yeah
yeah we can fit in your cousin doris
from stoke poaches
and the six page boys
and their father
yes of course and jacko and his brothers
yes yes
thank you rosie bye
now that sounds good for business no it
wasn't
vince
jackal wants you to be his best man he's
waiting for you down at the
boilermaker's arms well i better get
down the street i got business to attend
to combat big jugga don't look at my
jacket
i don't believe this oh you just can't
get the staff these days
i'll finish him off in a minute
good job desmond took your phone what
are you doing
the only thing we can do i'm calling
desmond to tell him to come back home no
don't do that i mean it'll look as if
like we couldn't get him once we get him
back here we'll never want to go again
it'll be the perfect excuse
but couldn't we get someone in for a few
days on a temporary basis it'll be very
lucrative for the right person
all these people want appointments for
friday and saturday we can't let them
down otherwise dad's reputation will be
finished in beckham i suppose you're
right but i can't think of anyone what
about that guy vince was talking about
on that salon in deptford he retired
last year what's his name
i can't think who you mean something to
do with dorsey i hope you don't mean
irving poole
irving poole that's him vince said he
was a damn good barber to rockstar
[Applause]
i don't think that would be a good idea
he's not someone your father would
approve of he'd rather have fat larry
listen father would rather have anyone
who makes him a lot more money okay i
don't think he's the right person for
this particular occasion you see listen
pork pie this is business leave me to
make the decisions that are good for the
shop i was only going to tell you is
this irving poole any good mother
a little too good
we all came up together in the old days
there was a bit of rivalry between him
and your father yeah and well that was a
long time ago and as i'm in charge while
father's away i am going to make the
call listen this one will explode if
urban pool sets foot in this shop don't
worry popeye he will come he'll probably
be too busy or maybe he's moved though
well he could be a gold mine for us
anyway father will get over it once he's
seen the take-ins
old irving probably needs the cash
[Music]
oh very interesting
very interesting indeed
i'll be around tomorrow at midday
say hello to shirley for me
it's been a long time
um
i'm looking forward to getting uh
reacquainted
[Music]
yes
ciao
[Music]
well that wasn't too difficult was it
he's popping around tomorrow
[Music]
look i think it's him
right on time
and i thought he needed the cash he's
got a five series bmw out there more
julian elizabeth taylor oh i can't see
him wearing mr ambrose's nylon overall
the lock of your don't close the door
hello shirley
nice to see you after all this time
charlie ambrose
you haven't changed a bit still a damn
good-looking woman eh
good looks running our family hi michael
ambrose i spoke to you on the phone and
this is gloria my sister charmed i'm
sure pleased to meet you both and two
handsome children too huh oh three
actually my youngest sean he's away at
the moment with some university friends
for a few days ah and i believe that
desmond's away for a few days too
how interesting he's going on a business
course well i'm surprised he could be
bothered at this stage in his career
and he said you can't teach an old dog
new tricks
well that old dog still got some life in
him hey mum
ah this is uh ricky our junior pleased
to meet you mr pill
i see they got you sweeping up huh oh
yeah well we've all got to start
somewhere well you better start over
there i noticed you missed out a bit
yes sir we were taken unawares by this
wedding on saturday you know two friends
decided to do the deed and desmond won't
be back until sunday so all we need is
an extra pair of hands to help us out
for a couple of days you know starting
immediately a wedding how beautiful
sudden romance unpredictable passions
surely my hands are yours to command
well well what have we got here ah don't
tell me it's uh it's mince pies
pork pie to my friends
so it's mr grant to you
well
this mr grant often had his hair cut
here uh if he had any
no never oh this is matthew a friend um
he and pope pie just pop in to chew the
fat with desmond yes and sit around
drinking tea and eating toast oh dear
the idea of people sitting around in a
barber shop all day so old fashioned so
quaint i just thought of someone being
here all day without spending any money
just drinking tea and eating toast i
find absolutely bizarre
it is all about eating toast and
drinking tea i do it every day
there's a perfectly good cafe down the
road mr ground why don't you pop down
there excellent idea irving in fact why
don't we adjourn to the cafe to discuss
terms but i uh
i must tell you i drive a pretty hard
bargain yeah
he drives a pretty five serious bmw
exactly but only if shirley will
accompany him oh don't worry mum me and
ricky get uncle porpoy and matthew their
tea thank you gloria
and um when my husband calls tell him i
miss him yeah i'll tell dad
shall we
right
tell me about this
again yes popeye i'm surprised you know
such a cultured man yeah it didn't
strike me he's been a lifelong fan of
the georgetown dreamers that's right as
i said before he was most cultured and
if you want to know the whole story you
better ask your mother oh come on uncle
paul you can tell us
all right
well you see we all came over on the
same boat together your mother your
father sweet sticks and myself
a few cabins along with this trinidadian
irving pool on his way to a job at
london transport anyway he got rid of
the fact that your father could cut here
and he pestered him to teach him so did
he yes your father is a good man he did
have a good turn showed him all the
styles and before you know irving was
all over the boat practicing on anyone
who would let him polishing up his
skills building up his business before
he's even here
he can build a gangplank with a full
appointment book
well once he knew your father's business
then he took a shine to your mother
a good-looking woman shirley you're
always so what happened well she's not
only a handsome woman she's a smart one
well listen irvin was never in the
running but unfortunately nobody ever
told him that
so that's how he repaired your father by
trying to steal your mother away
blimey what a rat yeah once a rat always
a rat exactly
here they come
michael's face don't look too happy good
um well it's it's a little bit more than
i was i'm hoping to pay but well if you
want the best yes we do but since
desmond isn't here we'll have to put up
with you
still here mr grant don't you have a
betting shop to fraternize so you think
you can fill jazzy d's shoes do you oh
without a doubt i can cope with anything
that comes through that door this says
you can't
rabbi i hope you realize that it's a
20-pound note i've seen plenty in my
time well why i think that's a little
bit reckless yeah so this is a barbie
i'm not a turf accountant not to worry
michael i like a little flutter
sometimes
can't resist uh
certainty a man's got to do what a man's
got to do shelly could you hold this
first until saturday evening perhaps you
could share a bottle of champagne with
my winnings well i've got to go i don't
want to take up your valuable space
and what about you matthew uh are you
staying
perhaps you'd like to be my first
customer
well you see i should be going too you
see i have to make sure that porque has
his bus we're home nice to have met you
mr pool
sorry about that irving oh no problem
michael once word spreads that i'm here
we need all the extra seats we can get
so
time to work
uh ricky give those mirrors an extra
buffing clean all these seats
and for heaven's sake stand up straight
if you can
don't believe it he's worse than your
dad
[Music]
are you gonna answer that mum oh let it
rain but it might be father
yes it might
hello desmonds
oh hello darling
oh yes
everything's under control
some technique mr pool
tony guido started with me you know
ricky oh that guy with all them salons
at west he was your junior well
apprentice actually
tell me have you picked up any tips from
desmond yeah i know to hold on to 100
dominoes without dropping the one on the
end
i meant hairdressing tips tricks of the
trades oh yeah one invaluable pearl of
wisdom never open the door on a windy
day when you've just swept up your hair
did you tell dad about it oh there's
nothing to tell gloria irving is just a
temporary member of staff yeah he'd like
to make it permanent i suppose you knew
how to turn these piles of hair into
piles of cache mr pool
you're learning already ricky you're
learning fast i suppose you've got it
all flash car big house and i bet your
wife's a model eh
sadly no
i was so dedicated to my craft that my
personal life had to take second place
something i hope to rectify soon
oh thank goodness you're here vince
you've got me a message message which
message look around your vince i need
your help listen i'm on the part-time
you know
i was busy starting with a groom and
myself you forget that i'm the best man
best friend today i just passed on to
you as my rapper present
what is it a clock nancy
it's different like vince when i get
married kiashonly
i want you to help me with lin but over
there and the bobad brothers are coming
in in 15 minutes and seven of them no no
oh mars become a rasta look promise i'll
make michael buy you a drink
um gloria take mrs moses from under the
dryer i'm just popping upstairs to turn
onto you
um
i think i'll just pop upstairs and check
those preparations i left in the
bathroom
and by the way ricky
that's how not to do it
i bet you're off
guess who gorgeous look
a man of your age should know better a
man of my age could do better get
downstairs i'll get on with your work
it's what you're being paid for
i don't care about the money surely i'm
doing this for us
us what do you mean us for you and i
let's be kidding with what we had all
those years ago
the love
the passion the romance
move your sweaty heart by all mountains
the only romance you ever heard of him
with yourself surely how can you say
that after what passed between us all
those years ago as i remember
all that passed between us was a set of
crockery a flower of ours and anything
else i could throw at you
i realized i was a fool in love but i
could have broken your heart if i
persisted no
i realized that desmond could have
broken your nose if you're persistent
and if you push your luck no i could
swing a pretty good right you know and i
could finish the job off right now so
get downstairs
[Applause]
good afternoon mr pool i met an old
customer of yours last night oh is that
so well there are great many of them
wrong well this particular customer is
looking forward to his next appointment
with you this afternoon and so he should
i was always very popular with my
clientele not with big jacko you're not
ah groom
i don't recall ever cutting his hair
before and maybe you recall cutting off
half his ear
you cut off big jackal ears
30 years ago he was little aaron jackson
coming over with his parents on the boat
when a nice man offered to cut his hair
because he needed to try out a
particular clothes crop he was
perfecting for his new career in england
well it wasn't my fault i mean the boat
hit some choppy water and the chop
i gave his mother a fun he was on your
little boy i told him he would grow back
well that was little jacko now 17 on the
half stone of big jacko is coming around
here this afternoon to find out
personally why he didn't
little errand is big jackal yeah
what's going on why are they all leaving
the shop desmond will be back on monday
he doesn't chop off people's ears um
will someone please tell me what's going
on look i'm leaving before big jacko
gets here i'm sorry michael but this
sort of clientele is not what i'm used
to but we had a deal i mean we could be
ruined so could it
great what are we gonna do now we've got
full appointment books and no one to
help out thanks a lot popeye well i
think you'll find there's going to be a
sudden drop-off in trade what what do
you mean
sorry folks it's all off
apparently big jacko felt he was being
rushed into it so he changed his mind
what what about rosie well she said
she's okay and she dealt with it but she
said to cancel her appointments just one
of them things
did you know about this before you spoke
to irving i may have had a hint such as
such a scene jacquard on the bus station
with a suitcase a black eye and a
one-way ticket to birmingham
that sounds pretty definite no no i big
jack and rosie do it all the time i will
be back next month
second thoughts i bung this lot in a
high interest account and it's saved me
doing a collection next time good idea
lee i'll arrange that for you
oh that's charming you didn't expect
there's gratitude for you aren't you
surely do you have my winnings handy i
think i might buy that bottle of
champagne myself we've got a lot of
celebrating kadu why what's there to
celebrate let's just say that the best
man won
even though he wasn't here
[Applause]
you