1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,600 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,080 BIRDSONG 3 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,680 METAL DETECTOR BEEPS 4 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,840 Anything? 5 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,200 Fuck all. 6 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,080 Three shotgun caps and a blakey. 7 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,680 HE SIGHS 8 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,320 METAL DETECTOR BEEPS FASTER 9 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,960 What you got? 10 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,240 Ring-pull. 11 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,000 '83. 12 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,280 Tizer. 13 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:22,800 - What do you do with them? - Bag them up. Stick 'em on eBay. 14 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,720 People buy this shit. 15 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:27,800 Sad tits. 16 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,320 You said it. 17 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:42,600 # Will you search through the lonely earth for me? 18 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:46,680 # Climb through the briar brambles 19 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,440 # I'll be your treasure 20 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,760 # I'm waiting for you 21 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,680 # I'm waiting for you. # 22 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:03,640 - See University Challenge last night? - Yeah. - Anything? 23 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,120 No. 24 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:06,280 You? 25 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,560 Nah. 26 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,040 Nearly got Benjamin Britten. 27 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:15,640 - You can't nearly get an answer right. - I had it in my head. 28 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:19,040 Didn't say anything. Chickened out. 29 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,120 - Were you on your own? - Yeah. 30 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,480 But you were still too scared to say it out loud? 31 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,200 - Yeah. - Doesn't count. 32 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,480 I know. 33 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,840 Should have gone for it. 34 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,240 I know. 35 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,720 You going up the club Tuesday? 36 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:40,320 - What's happening? - Terry's giving a talk on buttons. 37 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:43,640 - Buttons? - You heard me! - Christ! Sod that! 38 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,040 Yeah. I think I'll give that a miss. 39 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:54,040 Here. Did I ever tell you about the beautiful old battle-axe 40 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,480 - I once found? - Yeah. You married her. - I married her. 41 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:01,040 - Have I done that one for you before? - Well, you've said it before, yeah. 42 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:04,440 A few times. Wouldn't exactly call it a stand-up routine. 43 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,720 You've added the word "beautiful" since the last time you said it. 44 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,360 Yeah. Well, she was beautiful, Mags. Mental, though. 45 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,040 And that's why I divorced her. 46 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,680 She left you for the manager of Pizza Hut. 47 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:17,320 Yeah. Mental! 48 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:23,360 She was a hippy, you know... into crystals and all that shit. 49 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,680 Used to wear vanilla perfume. 50 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:29,600 - Oh, yeah. - Stank like Play-Doh. - Heads up. Who's this? 51 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,400 Don't know. 52 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,720 - Hi. - Hello. - I saw you in the field earlier. 53 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,920 Sorry to interrupt, but are you metal detectors? 54 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,960 No, my dear. 55 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,840 This is a metal detector. 56 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,760 We are metal detectorists. 57 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,800 Oh, right. Sorry. 58 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,400 Not a problem at all. 59 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,480 - I'm Sophie. - Pleased to meet you, Sophie. I'm Lance and this is... 60 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:01,280 - Andy. - I'm a student. History student. I thought it would 61 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,600 be interesting to know what kind of things you guys find. 62 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:09,440 - Local history. - Wise choice, Sophie. What you got there, Andrew? - Um... 63 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,680 Bits and pieces. 64 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:16,440 A Victorian penny, and then Battle of Britain. That's nice. 65 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:20,920 - Worth a few quid on the interweb. - Won't do it, mate. - Idiot! 66 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,920 - Why not? - I don't sell my finds. I don't agree with it. 67 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,480 He must have half a tonne of scrap round at his place. 68 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,760 Hope you're up to date with your tetanus, mate! 69 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,400 Don't know why he doesn't invest in some jiffy bags. 70 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,120 - He could give up the cleaning job. - Are you a cleaner? - No. 71 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,320 - He is a cleaner. - It's a temping agency. 72 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,280 - They get me all kinds of work. - All kinds of cleaning work. 73 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:43,120 - Mainly, yeah. - Andy here is studying for an archaeology degree. 74 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,120 - Been doing it for... How long is it, mate? - Long time. 75 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,360 But I'll get there and when I'm a qualified archaeologist, 76 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:53,000 - that's when I get to see the good stuff. - Bone. 77 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,560 Bits of pot. Swap his detector for a palette knife 78 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,520 and spend the rest of his life scraping the dirt off dirt. 79 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:03,520 No, thank you! Show me to the non-ferrous metals, mate! 80 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,920 - Do you guys belong to a club? - DMDC. 81 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,440 Danebury Metal Detecting Club? 82 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,400 In the Scout hall, opposite the Two Brewers on the high street. 83 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,280 Oh, right. And what sort of thing happens there? 84 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,240 Well, we compare finds, discuss the hobby. 85 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,240 Sometimes we get a guest speaker in. 86 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:26,280 This Tuesday, Terry, club president, is giving a talk on buttons. 87 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:30,040 - Buttons? - You heard him. - Wow, outrageous(!) 88 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:32,280 You guys going along? 89 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,760 - Yeah. - Yeah. Probably. - Yeah, we'll be there. 90 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,360 Will it be OK for me to pop in? 91 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,440 - Yeah. - Don't see why not. 92 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,680 OK, cool. Well, I'll see you there, then. 93 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,760 See you. 94 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,880 - Bye. - Bye, Sophie. 95 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,160 Could be good, buttons. 96 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,120 Yeah... 97 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,800 Yeah. 98 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:16,800 Hello. 99 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,760 - All right? - Yeah. You? - Yeah. 100 00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:26,840 - You're late. - Yeah, I went to the pub. - Oh. Which one? - The Brewers. 101 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,400 - The Two Brewers? - Yeah. 102 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,080 The pub on the corner of our road? 103 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,840 Yeah. 104 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:37,520 - Oh, nice. - Sorry. I should have phoned. - Might have been nice. 105 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,720 I was with Lance. I didn't think you'd want to hang out with Lance. 106 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,200 You think he's a bit of a dick. 107 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,160 I think you're a bit of a dick as well, but I hang out with you. 108 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,840 Might have been nice to have a drink on a Saturday night 109 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:51,400 at the end of my road, with a couple of dicks. 110 00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,400 Sorry. 111 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,920 - Did you find anything good today? - Nah. Not much. 112 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,800 Right. 113 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,000 Are you all right? 114 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,400 Are you pissed off with me detecting? 115 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,760 No, I don't mind, if you enjoy it, 116 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,560 if it's helping towards your studies. 117 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,880 I need to find a new place to search. 118 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:16,080 All we turn up these days is litter and ring-pulls. 119 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,560 This is the land of the Saxons. 120 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,880 I want to discover where they buried their warriors and their kings. 121 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,680 - Instead of where they had their snacks and soft drinks? - Exactly. 122 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,280 But we're on it. 123 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,520 - We're going to strike gold soon and then we'll be rich. - Oh, cool. 124 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:32,200 We'll go to Africa. I'll set up my school. You can go and dig holes. 125 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,200 - Can Lance come? - No! 126 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,240 I did find a good penny. 127 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,240 - Young Victoria. 1865. - SHE PRETENDS TO YAWN 128 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,160 Shut up! That's been in the ground 150 years. 129 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:44,720 Imagine who dropped that a century and a half ago. 130 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:48,200 - YAWNS AGAIN - Oh, yeah, brilliant(!) - You cow. 131 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:51,000 - Still think I'm brilliant? - Course I do. 132 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:55,080 You're my Lord Carnarvon, my Howard Carter. 133 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:58,960 - You're going to discover the Valley of the Kings. - In Essex. 134 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,480 In Essex. 135 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,520 - Can you see anything? - Yes! 136 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,080 - Wonderful things! - SHE CHUCKLES 137 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,880 Hello, love. 138 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,000 You all right? 139 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:01,160 Yeah. Just off to work. 140 00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:04,240 - You all right? - Yeah, good. - Business good? 141 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:08,040 - Oh, it's all right, you know? - Good. Good. 142 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:13,960 Cos I just... I know... I found your Purple...Rain album and I wondered... 143 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,520 Do you want me to drop that round? 144 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:19,840 - Oh, yeah. Would you mind? - Yeah. 145 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,080 Sure. Cos...I thought you... 146 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:27,080 I know you like that song When Doves Cry. 147 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:31,280 - When Doves Cry, yeah. - You got a record player...? 148 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,000 Tony's got one. Really nice vintage one. 149 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,760 - Oh, good. - He's here, actually. You should say hello. 150 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,800 - Oh, you're all right, cos... - TONY, LANCE IS HERE! 151 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,120 Er... 152 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,680 Hello, mate. Long time no see. 153 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:46,880 - Yep. - Did you just pop in to say hello? 154 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,600 No, I needed a...scented candle. 155 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:53,840 - Didn't think they were your style. For you? - Just a present for someone. 156 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,760 Ooh! A girl? 157 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,480 - No. - A boy? 158 00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,960 No. A girl, yeah. 159 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,840 - Girlfriend? - No. 160 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,560 Well... Yeah. 161 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:05,800 Ooh! 162 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:10,280 - Who is she? - Oh, no-one. Just...someone. 163 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,280 What flavour? 164 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:14,360 - Pardon? - The candle. 165 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:17,920 Oh... I don't know. What have you got? 166 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,560 - I like bergamot and vetiver. - Mm. 167 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,200 I'll just have a vanilla. 168 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,560 - Always think they smell like minicabs. - £3.75. 169 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,760 - Cheers. - Do you want your change? - Cheers, Mags. Bye. 170 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,320 Yeah, bye, love. 171 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,000 VACUUM CLEANER WHIRS 172 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,280 SWITCHES VACUUM CLEANER OFF 173 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:23,320 Bollocks, mate! You just want to see that girl again. 174 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:27,480 Yes, you do. I can read you like a book. Anyway, she won't turn up. 175 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:31,480 Good. Well, you won't be disappointed, then, will you? 176 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,000 No, come round mine. 177 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,840 I'll knock you up a ruby and we can head over together. 178 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,400 Anything you don't eat? 179 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,800 Yeah. Apart from meat and fish. 180 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,400 OK. Hold on. 181 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,240 Ted! Is it all right if I knock off after I've done those aubergines? 182 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,520 Yeah, OK. Back in an hour. 183 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:51,800 Adios. 184 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,000 MOBILE PHONE RINGS 185 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,480 Hey. 186 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,480 Lance has invited us 187 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,760 round for a curry before we head over to the club tonight. 188 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:02,960 Do you want to come? 189 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,080 Obviously not! For so many reasons, 190 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,920 not least of which is the fact I'm not really invited. 191 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:12,520 You're just saying that cos I had a go at you the other night. 192 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,720 What's happening at the club tonight? 193 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,920 - Buttons?! - You heard me. Do you want to come? 194 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,000 Fuck off! 195 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,240 - All right. I love you. See you later. - Yeah, you too. See you later. 196 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,720 # I've lived in a box by the rails 197 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,280 # Only thing you use, you don't fail 198 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,840 # When you live in a box by the rails 199 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:02,320 # Don't comb your hair, don't comb your tail 200 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,520 # Sweep my mess away 201 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,800 # Leave my body, leave my bones 202 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,920 # Leave me home and leave my soul 203 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:15,280 # Leave me nothing I don't need at all 204 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,000 # Nothing I don't need at all. # 205 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,440 KNOCKS ON GLASS 206 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,560 Nice tits. 207 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,960 Why, thank you. 208 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,040 - Something smells... - Delicious? - No. 209 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,320 Something just smells. 210 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,040 Very droll. 211 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,600 Here, stick those peelings in the compost for me, would you? 212 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,680 You've only got a balcony. What do you use compost for? 213 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,440 Never know when it might come in handy. 214 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,600 What's that? 215 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,480 Dunlop SP244, isn't it? 216 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:25,040 So, I was reading cos of the hot dry summer we've had, 217 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,480 a lot of the earth works and archaeological sites have 218 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,760 started to show up as dry patches in the fields. 219 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,880 Right, so I had a look on Google Earth. 220 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,640 Looked round the local areas, scanning the fields, 221 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:40,760 - see what I could see. - Right. - And look. 222 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:47,680 Hembristone. You know those cabbage fields off the B1010? 223 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,400 Well, look at this, 224 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,040 ring-shaped feature in the field. 225 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,080 OK. 226 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:59,640 Iron Age roundhouse. But wait, there's more. 227 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,960 Move to the left and voila! 228 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,240 Another one. 229 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:09,680 But move again to the left and here's yet another. 230 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:13,640 Slightly larger circular feature, but this is different. 231 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:20,920 This one has some sort of entrance leading to an enclosure. A gateway. 232 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,040 All in a line. 233 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,880 Iron Age settlement. 234 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,320 - Iron Age settlement? - Look at it. Right there. 235 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,640 Mate, you look at it. 236 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,960 Notice anything? 237 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,880 What? No. 238 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:40,480 Do these features seem to spell anything? 239 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,800 No. 240 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,680 Wait, erm... 241 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,640 G-O-O... 242 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,920 - Oh, fucking... - Do they seem to spell Google? 243 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:56,400 - Fuck it! - You prick. 244 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,800 - It's the Google Earth watermark. - It's the Google Earth watermark. 245 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,320 Well, I bet you've fallen for that before. 246 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,680 Yeah, but I realised within 15 seconds and I never told anyone. 247 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,440 HE SIGHS 248 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:11,200 No, look. Tell you where we want to be. I've been doing my own recon. 249 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:13,960 This farm, here. 250 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:17,200 - I don't remember anyone ever going there before, do you? - No. 251 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,440 Look, this is the original Roman road running up the side. 252 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,840 Where you've got Roman, who's to say you haven't got Saxon as well? 253 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,880 We all know there's a Saxon ship burial 254 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,840 somewhere in this part of the county. 255 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:29,520 We've just got to find it first. 256 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,080 Saxon hoard. 257 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:35,320 - It's basically the Holy Grail of treasure hunting. - Well, no. 258 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:37,960 The Holy Grail is the Holy Grail of treasure hunting. 259 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,560 If you're going to be pedantic 260 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,040 the Ark of the Covenant is the Holy Grail. 261 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:46,120 Let's talk to Terry, see if he knows who owns this land. 262 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:49,000 Kerchink. 263 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,800 Ching! 264 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:55,040 And though occasionally a button will turn up with some 265 00:16:55,040 --> 00:17:01,320 sort of decoration or insignia, the majority, and I mean the vast 266 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:07,000 majority, as you've seen from my slides, are completely featureless. 267 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:11,200 And so, if you think about the number of buttons 268 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:14,040 our predecessors had on their clothes, 269 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,040 compared with the number of coins 270 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:19,960 they would be carrying in their pockets, is it any wonder that we 271 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:24,040 find many more buttons in our day-to-day detecting 272 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,400 than we do coins? 273 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:36,960 So the humble, boring button is a very real piece of social history. 274 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:40,760 Lights, please, Sheila. 275 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,080 Sheila? 276 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:49,960 Thanks, darling. 277 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,480 Button. 278 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,160 So, any questions? 279 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,880 Nobody? 280 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,400 Righto, then. 281 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,400 Ahem. Club notices. 282 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,240 Now, some of you have been complaining about other 283 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,880 detecting clubs muscling in on your sites. 284 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,960 Yes, it's those wankers from the Antiquisearchers. 285 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,840 - They're spying on us. - Russell... 286 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,080 I spent weeks researching that site, putting together a portfolio, 287 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,680 only to find that someone had got there the day before me 288 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,160 and secured permission. 289 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:27,360 The Antiquisearchers are officially affiliated with the museum. 290 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:31,520 I find it very hard to believe that they would be that underhand. 291 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:36,720 To be on the safe side, I will not be accepting any new members 292 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,640 until the beginning of next season. 293 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,720 DOOR OPENS 294 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,320 Hello. Is this the metal detecting club? 295 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,520 - Hello, Sophie. Everybody, this is my friend Sophie. - Hi! 296 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:51,680 Welcome to the mass ranks of the Danebury Metal Detecting Club. 297 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,200 - Come in. Come in. - I hope you don't mind. 298 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,560 I was just interested in seeing what was going on 299 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,400 and what kind of things you'd found. 300 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,080 I understood there was going to be a talk about buttons? 301 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:05,360 - I'm Russell. - Welcome, Sophie. You are very welcome. 302 00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:08,400 I'm afraid you've just missed my talk about buttons, 303 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,640 but I'll very happily do a recap. 304 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:14,400 - No! - Please, no! - That's OK. Don't worry. Thank you. 305 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,600 Well, take a seat, Sophie, 306 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,720 and welcome to the Danebury Metal Detecting Club. 307 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,720 - What happened to "no new members", Terry? - Sorry? 308 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:26,160 You just said we're not accepting any new members. 309 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,800 - It's all right. - Sophie's cool. We know Sophie. 310 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,400 There we are, then. 311 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:35,520 - If we are all in agreement... Welcome, Sophie. - Thank you. 312 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:45,240 - What do you think? - Yeah, it was interesting. 313 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,800 How was the talk on buttons? 314 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,360 Adrenalin-fuelled. 315 00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:52,400 - What's next week? - Monster Munch packets. 316 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:57,360 This land belongs to one Lawrence Bishop. Mad as a frog. 317 00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:00,760 People have tried to get permission, but he always refuses. 318 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:05,000 Doesn't want people digging around on his land. Very odd character. 319 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,280 - Yeah? - Yeah, his wife disappeared years back. 320 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,040 Back when I was on the force. 321 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,480 I wasn't involved in the case, personally, 322 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,360 but I know they had a very big file on it. 323 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:19,120 They watched him for years. Couldn't ever get anything on him. 324 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:22,200 Not even enough to get a warrant out to search his land. 325 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,800 That doesn't bode well! 326 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,200 That's got to be a first. Student buys round! 327 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,600 Yeah, funny. 328 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,600 - What are you studying? - Ancient history. 329 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,360 Oh, wow. You're in the right place! Ha-ha! 330 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,720 You want to get yourself a detector and get out there in the mud. 331 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,320 I'll take you out, if you like. 332 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:46,000 - That'd be good. Someone text me when you going out next? - Saturday? 333 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,320 I can't do Saturday. I'm taking Mags and her mum to bingo. 334 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,040 - Again? - Who's Mags? Is that your wife? - Ex-wife. She uses him. 335 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,720 She doesn't use me. I want to help. 336 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,400 - Why can't the Pizza Hut manager take them? - I like doing it. 337 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,000 Bollocks, mate. You want to forget her, otherwise 338 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,320 she'll keep on taking the piss. Move on. 339 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,880 Cheers for the advice, mate, that I neither asked for nor wanted. 340 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,720 Mind your own bloody business. 341 00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:11,560 - What about you, Andy? Have you got a wife? - Me? No, no. I'm not married. 342 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,240 BELL RINGS 343 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,920 - Shall I get us another one in? - It's my round. Same again? - Um... 344 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,480 No, I'd better get going. Early start in the morning. 345 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,160 That's got to be a first! Student gets up early! 346 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,880 Oh, funny(!) 347 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,960 We're going to call it a night too, aren't we, darling? 348 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:31,960 Ah. Tango class in the morning. 349 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:36,800 - No, it's tap tomorrow, Terry. - Course! It's Wednesday! Ha-ha! 350 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:40,240 - Bye, all. - Night-night. - See you. 351 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,400 - After you, madam. - Thank you. 352 00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,200 What was that about? 353 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,400 - What? - You know what. 354 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,480 - What? - Why didn't you mention Becky when she asked if you were married? 355 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:53,880 I'm not married. 356 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,800 No, but you've got a long-term girlfriend called Becky. 357 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,720 - Who I was about to mention and I was interrupted, remember? - Oh, right. 358 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,120 Yeah. 359 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,360 What were you saying before they left? 360 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:11,200 - Your ex-wife taking the piss? - No. Something about "same again". 361 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,920 - Same again? - Yeah, thanks very much. 362 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:21,880 - You do. - I don't. - You do. You always mention what she's wearing. 363 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,840 That's because I don't like what she's wearing. 364 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,240 You say it every time she comes on the telly. 365 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,360 I never like what she's wearing. 366 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:32,360 - I don't fancy Fiona Bruce. - Yes, you do! 367 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,240 No, I don't. I tried once. 368 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,200 Thought she'd be a good person off the TV to fancy, 369 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:40,920 but I couldn't manage it, didn't get very far. 370 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:45,480 - Who do you fancy off the telly? - No-one springs to mind. - Bullshit! 371 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,560 - There must be someone. - No, I can't think of anyone. 372 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:53,040 - Susanna Reid! - No. You're the only one for me, Becks. 373 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,480 Idiot. 374 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,160 You still on for going to my sister's tomorrow? 375 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,240 - Oh, I'm going out with Lance. - Oh, what? - Sorry, I forgot. 376 00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:04,520 - Jesus! You spend more time with him than you do with me! - No, I don't. 377 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,120 - What time are you going? - For lunch! 378 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,920 Oh, we'll probably be finished by then anyway. We're just 379 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,960 - going to see some mad landowner, try and get his permission. - Right, 380 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:16,080 and if he gives you permission, you'll want to go detecting. 381 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:20,080 - True. - Have to hope he doesn't, then. - Fingers crossed. 382 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,520 Oh, can we switch over? She's starting to make me feel sick! 383 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,160 SHE CHUCKLES 384 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,760 - QI? - Yes! 385 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:36,160 - Did you hear that on QI last night? - Oh, I knew it before it was on QI. 386 00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,640 Right. 387 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:41,560 It was just a coincidence that you said it the day after it was on QI. 388 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,560 Just reminded me of it, that's all. 389 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,120 Here we are. 390 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,720 You think this is wise? 391 00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,240 Tell you what, let me do the talking. I'll turn on the charm. 392 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,360 You're just a bit...awkward. 393 00:23:58,360 --> 00:23:59,680 Yeah, cheers. 394 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:02,520 Don't try any of your stand-up on him. 395 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:13,640 KNOCKS ON DOOR 396 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:16,160 - FROM INSIDE: - Get back! Go on! Get back in there! 397 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,960 Get down! Stay back in there! 398 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:23,840 - Yes? - Sorry to disturb you, sir. - Have you come about the...? 399 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,800 - The? - The... 400 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,520 What have you come about? 401 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,720 - No, you're not actually expecting us. - Am I not? 402 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,520 No, we're actually metal detectorists. 403 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,280 We were wondering if you'd give us 404 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,080 - your permission to detect on your land. - Good Lord! 405 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,360 - Was it a competition? - Pardon? - Did I send off for it? 406 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:49,280 No. I guess it's just your lucky day. 407 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,200 Fascinating. 408 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:52,760 Cup of tea? 409 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:56,880 Don't mind the dogs. 410 00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,200 They're a bit boisterous, but they're only being friendly. 411 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,440 Push them off the sofa if they're in the way. 412 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,760 They shouldn't even be on the furniture. 413 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,400 FLY BUZZES 414 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,160 - So... Mr Bishop... - Larry, please. 415 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,080 - Larry, you've never given anyone permission before. - No, never. 416 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:35,040 - So, no-one's ever detected on this land? - No. 417 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,080 There was that dig years ago. 418 00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:44,320 - Sorry. Dig, Larry? - Archaeological dig, before the war. 419 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,800 My grandfather told me about it when I was wearing short trousers. 420 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,320 When I was a child. 421 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,760 - Yes. - Yes, and did they f-find anything? - No. They didn't have time. 422 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,520 Dug a couple of trenches, then the war happened, 423 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,480 and they had more important things to spend the money on. 424 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,800 Any idea what they were looking for? 425 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:05,840 No idea. 426 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,720 So, Larry, er... 427 00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:13,360 - would you mind if we had a little look around? - Not at all. 428 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:16,080 Let me know what you turn up. 429 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,760 Stay out of the paddock on Birchwood Road. 430 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:21,440 Don't go digging down there. 431 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,160 FLY BUZZES 432 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,000 - Okey-doke. - Right, will do. We'll stay out of there. 433 00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:34,400 Anyone seen my phone? 434 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,320 Bloody dogs have hidden it, have they? 435 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,840 Have one of you beasts stolen my telephone? 436 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:45,040 Come back here, you little shitters! Come on! Come on! Come here! 437 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,240 Come on, I know your game. 438 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,120 Come on. 439 00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,800 This is it, mate. This is the big one. 440 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:56,680 This is exactly what happened at Sutton Hoo. 441 00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,400 They abandoned it because of the war, then they went back to finish it off. 442 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,240 They sort of left it all to us. 443 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,720 This time next year, we're going to be millionaires! 444 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,640 Mate, maybe we should do this properly - 445 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,800 mark out the site with a grid system, do it area by area, 446 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,680 - make sure we cover everything. - Sod that! Let's get detecting! 447 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,320 We should survey the site for a couple of days before we even 448 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,720 - turn the detectors on. - DETECTOR BEEPS Oh, too late. I turned it on! 449 00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,080 I've got a good feeling about this, mate. 450 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,520 When they were looking for Richard III, first hole they dug, bingo! 451 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:31,480 - Fuck it! You're right. - This is going to be massive. You mark my words. 452 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,760 DETECTOR BEEPS 453 00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:37,480 Here we go. 454 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,080 Get ready... 455 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:51,920 to get rich. 456 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:58,320 BEEPS 457 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,240 What you got? 458 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:12,320 Biscuit wrapper. 459 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,160 Mint Viscount '75.