1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,840 BEEPING 2 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,640 Definitely still something in there. 3 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:08,680 I knew it! 4 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:10,400 It's a piece of shrapnel, I can feel it. 5 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,960 Well, meter's saying small bronze coin, possibly Georgian, 6 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,560 but it's a bit of an iffy signal. 7 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:18,640 Doctors are refusing to believe me, reckon I'm making a fuss. 8 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,960 - How's it feel? - Nah, it's not too bad. 9 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,920 I was lucky I was wearing my triple-weave combat protectives. 10 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:27,720 - You were quite a way from the crater. - Yeah, blew me about 40ft. 11 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,560 - Were you running? - No. No, it was the blast. 12 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,320 - So, when do you get out? - Couple of days. 13 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,760 They want to make sure that the cuts aren't infected. 14 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,560 Well, they better get the shrapnel out. 15 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,520 You can't go detecting with metal in your leg, 16 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,320 you'll get a signal every other step. 17 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,720 That's why Barry Sheen had to call it a day. 18 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,200 - Who'd have thought, eh? Mr Health and Safety? - Yeah, all right, Russ. 19 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,240 - Of all the people. - Do you know what type of bomb it was? 20 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:05,560 It was just your basic Luftwaffe FLAM C500 incendiary, Hugh. 21 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:06,760 - Cool. - Hmm. 22 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,720 Well, there's a lesson here for everyone. 23 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,600 Oh, what's that, Russ? Don't dig up bombs? 24 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,360 Don't detonate bombs. 25 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,040 He's right, you know. 26 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,720 I'm losing my touch. 27 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:20,320 It's a rookie mistake. First day of metal detecting school. 28 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,800 I thought that was don't detect in a thunderstorm. 29 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:24,520 They get through a lot on that first day. 30 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,480 - Perhaps it's time to hang up the old detector. - What?! - No! 31 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:31,000 What's more, it may be time to hand over the presidency. 32 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,000 Really? 33 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,520 For more than a decade, 34 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,000 I have shared in the turbulent history of this club. 35 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:39,520 I have tried to the best of my ability 36 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:42,640 to discharge those duties that were entrusted to me. 37 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,480 And now, having finished the work assigned me, 38 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:49,480 I retire from the great theatre of action. And bidding... 39 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:53,120 Hang on, that's the George Washington resignation speech. 40 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:54,920 Doesn't matter, it's relevant. 41 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:58,680 And bidding an affectionate farewell to this august body, 42 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,280 I here offer my commission... 43 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:05,600 and take leave of all the employments of public life. 44 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,120 HUGH CLAPS 45 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,560 - Thank you. - APPLAUSE 46 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,120 Thank you. 47 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:20,120 So, who's going to take over? 48 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,880 Well, that's for you to decide. 49 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,360 But I would suggest Andy as the new leader. 50 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:29,280 - What does it involve? - Buying a new jar of Nescafe every three months. 51 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,880 - It's more than that, Russell! - Every four months. 52 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:35,320 Look, there are subscriptions to collect. 53 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,200 We've got seven members. 54 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,760 There are talks and rallies to organise, 55 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,720 there are permissions to secure... 56 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,040 I think Andy is the man to lead this club forward. 57 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,480 Er...thanks, Terry. I'll... I'll certainly think about it. 58 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,880 Good. Now, if you don't mind, 59 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,800 thank you all for coming, but I would like to get some rest. 60 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,200 - Let us know if you need anything, Terry. - Take away those pillows. 61 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:00,720 I shall need them no more. 62 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:02,720 - Lewis Carroll. - Get out! 63 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:06,760 TERRY INHALES SHARPLY 64 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,120 Erm...Terry? 65 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:19,760 - Yes, Hugh? - If they get that piece of shrapnel out... 66 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:21,240 It's yours, mate. 67 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,120 Thanks, Terry. 68 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,440 Cheers. 69 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:33,080 BIRDSONG 70 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,400 But why me? 71 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:40,240 You're studying archaeology. He sees you as legit. 72 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,520 Why would I want to be president of the DMDC? 73 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,880 Think of the power. 74 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,560 Are you serious? What power? 75 00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:51,280 The power to lord it over Russell and Hugh? 76 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,680 The power to collect 3.50 off them every quarter? 77 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:58,080 No, I'm talking about the power to change the club, 78 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,400 turn it into something worthwhile. 79 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,320 You could get that bloke to be patron. 80 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:06,840 - What bloke? - You know, "I have a cunning plan." 81 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,160 - Sir Tony Robinson? - Is he a sir? 82 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,800 Yeah, show some respect. 83 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,600 We could get fleeces with DMDC embroidered on 'em. 84 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,360 I doubt you could buy them in batches of less than 50. 85 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:21,160 - Well, then advertise, increase the membership. - Just to fill the fleeces? 86 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,760 No, to increase our clout, increase our influence. 87 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:27,720 The antique researchers are officially affiliated 88 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,360 with the Colchester Museum. 89 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:33,600 They get to be official detectorists on any dig in the county. 90 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:37,560 We could be sitting on something bigger than Sutton Hoo here. 91 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:41,360 Yeah, if we could turn our club into something more professional, 92 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,600 then we could oust them from their position. 93 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:48,080 Yeah. Mount a dirty-smears campaign. 94 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,480 Eww! 95 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,040 It's just a smear campaign. 96 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,080 You're thinking of a dirty protest. 97 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,880 Whatever. 98 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,360 Here. 99 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,280 Oh, nice! 100 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,720 Anyway, I need to get down there again. 101 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,040 I know. I'm working a lot this week. 102 00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,000 - Can't wait too long. - Yeah. 103 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,480 - I'll find some time. Don't go down there without me. - Nope. OK. 104 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:16,000 - Becky talking to you again? - Just about. 105 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,040 It was just a misunderstanding. I think she was drunk. 106 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,040 Oh, didn't seem drunk. 107 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,440 No, but she was being sick the next morning, that's a sure sign. 108 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,120 No...everything's fine. 109 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:31,000 Good. So we're all up for quiz night on Friday? 110 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,360 - Don't see why not. - That's good, we need her geography knowledge. 111 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,800 Right, not her company and conversation? 112 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,960 Just as long as she knows the longest river in Azerbaijan. 113 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:43,240 - I'm thinking of inviting Sophie down, actually. - What? 114 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,440 Whose team would she be on? 115 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,840 Ours. You're allowed up to four members in a team. 116 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:53,720 But it's you, me and Becks. It's always been us. 117 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,440 You know, just the three of us, the old team, 118 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,880 that's what makes it so impressive when we win. 119 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:02,120 It'll only be the once. I want Becky and Sophie to be friends. 120 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:05,520 Right, well, good luck with that one, then. 121 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,720 - What do you mean? - Well, I just think you're on thin ice, 122 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:11,400 could find yourself in some hot water. 123 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:19,240 But it's always been you, me and Lance, just the three, the old team. 124 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,520 Well, you're allowed up to four members on a team 125 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,560 and I think you'd like her if you got to know her. 126 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,080 - I don't particularly want to get to know her. - Why not? 127 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:29,440 - Well, she's a floozy. - A floozy? I haven't heard that word in years. 128 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,000 - She's a dolly bird. - You sound like your mum. 129 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:34,080 Sorry. Sorry, you don't sound like your mum, 130 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,680 you've never sounded like your mum. That was wrong of me. 131 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:40,560 I've just never heard you use words like "floozy" and "dolly bird" before. 132 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,520 Anyway, the point is by saying that you don't want to know Sophie, 133 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,680 you're basically saying that you still believe 134 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,120 something's going on between me and Sophie. 135 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,720 And, by your own admission, you don't believe that any more. 136 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,200 - SHE SIGHS - Christ! 137 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,360 What is all this stuff? It weighs a tonne. 138 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,280 End of term presents from the kids, 139 00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,760 - mainly candles and World's Best Teacher mugs. - Can't we dump it? 140 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:04,120 - No, what if somebody found it? - They couldn't trace it back to you. 141 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,920 Hello? World's Best Teacher. 142 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,640 - Good point. - Did you go the hospital? 143 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,200 Yeah, he's fine, just cuts and bruises. 144 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,080 He's loving it, actually, enjoying the drama. 145 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,080 He's resigned the club presidency. 146 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:19,960 - Wow! I'll alert the media. - SHE LAUGHS 147 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,880 - Does that mean the end of the DMDC? - No, why should it? 148 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:24,720 Well, who's going to be stupid enough 149 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,440 to want to take over as president? 150 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,160 - You're not? - Why not? 151 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:32,960 Oh, God! 152 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,640 - What - possible - reason could you have 153 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:42,280 for wanting to be president of the Danbury Metal Detecting Club?! 154 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:46,000 - I'd say it was an ego thing but there are only six members. - Seven. 155 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,480 Being the glorious leader of six socially awkward geeks 156 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,120 - isn't going to boost anyone's ego. - Seven. 157 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,480 Lance says we can increase membership and then have more power 158 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,400 and influence in the archaeological world. 159 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,360 - SHE LAUGHS - Power and influence?! 160 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:01,800 You're deluded! 161 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,280 Lance says we can ask Sir Tony Robinson to be patron. 162 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:07,400 - Who? - Baldrick off of Blackadder. 163 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,480 - Is he a sir? - Yes! 164 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,200 Why would he ever agree to that? 165 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,600 Because he's a champion of archaeology and archaeologists. 166 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,760 But you're not archaeologists, you're a bunch of hobbyists! 167 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,880 You are amateur metal detectors! 168 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,800 Detectorists. 169 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,160 - Lance says... - CROCKERY CLATTERS 170 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:30,400 - You don't want to hear what Lance says, do you? - No! 171 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,920 I just see little enough of you as it is! 172 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:37,240 And when I do, you're either caked in mud or smelling of scout hall! 173 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,200 It was the last day of term today, I'm a teacher, 174 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,320 I get a stupidly long summer holiday, 175 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,760 I wanted to go away somewhere, somewhere good, 176 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,520 somewhere with a swimming pool! 177 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,800 But we can't afford it! Maybe we can go away somewhere crap instead?! 178 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,280 Just let us find this ship burial 179 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,240 and I'll take you wherever you want to go. 180 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,800 - Simple as that? - Simple as that. 181 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:03,800 And, in the meantime, I'll take you to the Two Brewers for quiz night. 182 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,360 Does it have a swimming pool? 183 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,240 - Hmm, I'm not sure. - SHE GROANS 184 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:12,720 - SHE SIGHS - OK. Sounds good. 185 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:19,800 SQUEAKING 186 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:37,920 LANCE SINGS ALONG TO RADIO # And the operator says 40 cents more 187 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:42,520 # For the next three minutes 188 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:49,840 # Please, Mrs Avery I've just got to talk to her 189 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,360 - PHONE RINGS - # I'll only keep her a while... # 190 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,840 MUSIC OFF 191 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,560 Yeah, hello? 192 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,120 I can't do it, mate, I'm taking Mags and her mum to Bingo. 193 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,520 Oh, what? I changed my shift especially. 194 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,840 Well, why can't her new bloke take them? 195 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,360 She uses you. 196 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,920 She bloody does. 197 00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,880 No, she bloody doesn't. 198 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,360 I want to help her. I can do tomorrow. 199 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,920 Don't worry about that, Bishop's given us permission. 200 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,360 It's still our land. 201 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:27,240 Yeah, well, I'm sorry. 202 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,920 She asked me and I... 203 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,480 I didn't feel I could let her down. 204 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:33,160 All right, whatever. 205 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:34,520 Yeah, maybe. 206 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:35,800 All right, see ya. 207 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,640 PHONE RINGS 208 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:45,920 Hey, Sophie. 209 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,520 Guess what I've got? 210 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,160 Technetic's UO Tech. 211 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,000 No, second hand. Nearly new. 212 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,400 Unwanted Christmas present, apparently. 213 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,240 So, when are we going out? 214 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,800 Oh, I dunno. Lance is busy and we sort of said we wouldn't. 215 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,400 Yeah. No, I suppose it couldn't hurt. 216 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,200 All right, what time? 217 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,120 All right, see you there. 218 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,520 Whoa! 219 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,840 Terry had a lucky escape. 220 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:29,400 Yeah, but at least he got an anecdote out of it. 221 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,240 Well, look at me. 222 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,760 Very nice. You're one of us now. 223 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:38,120 - Just need some camouflage. - Why do detectorists wear camouflage? 224 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,600 - To hide from predators. - Of course. 225 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,080 - So what are we looking for? - A Saxon king. 226 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:46,800 - Sexred of the Saxons? - You got it. - Well, what's he look like? 227 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,880 - About yay high, beard, buried in a ship. - OK. 228 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:55,200 So, this is your discrimination, that differentiates between metals, 229 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,560 so you won't get a signal when you go over iron. 230 00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,480 And this here sets your ground balance. 231 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,880 - Yeah, yeah, boring. Come on, let's go. - Whoa! Slow down. 232 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,680 You've got to know these things or you'll spend your whole time 233 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:07,360 - digging holes with nothing in the bottom of 'em. - Bollocks! 234 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,280 Set it to treasure and let's go get rich. 235 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,640 What happened to you? 236 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,800 What happened to the girl who was interested in local history? 237 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,240 It's not about finding treasure, it's about finding... 238 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:18,080 Buttons and ring-pulls? 239 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:21,520 No thank you. Show me to the non-ferrous metals. 240 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:25,160 - Unbelievable! - First pre-decimal coin buys the drinks! 241 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,080 SHUTTER CLICKS REPEATEDLY 242 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:50,560 # I knew no vices and I knew no sin 243 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:54,480 # I knew the words but they didn't sink in 244 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:58,520 - # Stayed out those tunnels that pull people down - BEEPING 245 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:02,960 - # There's more of those tunnels in your home town - BEEPING 246 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,160 # Fell far from grace 247 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,200 # So far I couldn't see 248 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:11,160 # And, oh, underground, I wasn't that far from the tree 249 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,400 # We're all digging if you want to know 250 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:20,920 # Fixing, digging far too slow 251 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,000 # Far too slow 252 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:30,200 # We dug for money, We shovelled four tonnes 253 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:34,240 # And the end wasn't funny, Though we'd all had fun 254 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:38,040 # Limping and broken, The tunnel fell in 255 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:42,000 # I've been limping from tunnels Since my original sin 256 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,600 # Birthright's a trouble 257 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,440 # My father dug, too 258 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:50,640 # He got where he was going At the age of 62 259 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,240 # We're all digging, If you want to know 260 00:13:53,240 --> 00:14:00,840 # Fixing, digging far too slow 261 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,320 # Far too slow. # 262 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:06,160 BEEPING 263 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,800 SQUEAKING 264 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,280 You won't believe the photo I just took of you. 265 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,080 Oh, my God! 266 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,280 SHE GASPS 267 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,520 You found your gold! 268 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:33,920 I found my gold. 269 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,760 Oh, dear. 270 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,840 I think we're going to get told off. 271 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,480 Basically, good news and bad news. 272 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,640 What's the bad news? 273 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,920 MOD have turned up, site's out of bounds. 274 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,520 They're doing geophys to determine whether 275 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,400 there's any more unexploded subsoil ordinance. 276 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,480 Well, just as long as they don't find anything pre-1940. 277 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:10,040 How did you find out? Did you phone Bishop? 278 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,520 Well, that's where the good news comes in. 279 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,200 Wait for it. 280 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:18,400 Da-dah! 281 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,920 What's that?! 282 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,880 Gold Stata. 283 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,600 Well, I know what it is. Where did you get it? 284 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,080 Bishop's farm, not far from the crater. 285 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,000 You went there without me? 286 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:33,480 Well, yeah. I know we sort of said, but I didn't think you'd mind 287 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:37,400 - and we certainly didn't expect... - We?! Who's "we"? 288 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,600 Me and Sophie. 289 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,640 She bought a detector, she wanted to try it out. 290 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,480 - I didn't think you'd mind. - Well, I do mind! 291 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,560 I do mind you went to Bishop's farm without me when you said you wouldn't. 292 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,200 I do mind you went with Sophie. 293 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,120 And I do mind you found your first gold with her and not with me. 294 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,880 - Come on, mate. - Did you do a dance? 295 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:57,840 - No. - We always said we'd do a dance when we first found gold. 296 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,320 Yeah, well, it didn't seem right without you there. 297 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,320 Didn't want to feel un-cool in front of your new girlfriend? 298 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,600 - She's not my girlfriend. - Why don't you do it now? 299 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,760 - What, dance? - Yeah. 300 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,120 - What, here? - Yeah. - No. 301 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:13,680 - Go on, dance. - Don't want to. 302 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,680 - Well, why don't you get out of my flat, then? - Come on! 303 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,240 No, go on. I've got stuff to do. 304 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:27,760 We still doing the quiz? 305 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,880 - Yeah. Yeah, I'm doing the quiz, yeah. - Oh, good. 306 00:16:30,880 --> 00:16:34,440 - But not with you. - What?! - You've got a new detecting partner, 307 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,680 - she can be your new quiz partner an' all. - Come on, mate. 308 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:38,920 No, I'll find my own team. 309 00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:42,480 And while we're at it, I've decided to stand for club president, as well. 310 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,240 We can't stand against each other, that's ridiculous. 311 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:49,040 Pull out, then. Or, better still, whoever loses the quiz on Friday, 312 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,080 they can pull out the presidency. 313 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:56,000 - Who's your team? - Oh, I've got people. 314 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,480 Intelligent people. 315 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,200 ANDY SNIGGERS Get out! 316 00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,160 MURMURING CHATTER 317 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,040 Two halves...for the ladies. 318 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:25,640 - HE LAUGHS - And a pint for me. Cheers. 319 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,400 Thanks, love. 320 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:33,200 Why are you drinking girls' drinks, Lance? Watching the figure? 321 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,720 - Driving. - Still got the old banger? 322 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,520 - TR7's a classic. - Take no notice, Lance, he's just jealous. 323 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,000 Jealous of the Yellow Peril? 324 00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,440 I don't need a penis extension to prove myself. 325 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:47,160 It's not a penis extension, Tony, penis extensions are red. 326 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:48,920 It is a penis extension. 327 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,320 A tiny yellow penis extension. 328 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,120 - Can we stop talking about my penis? - Probably best. 329 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:55,920 Leaves a bad taste in the mouth. 330 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,680 Or so I've heard. 331 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,280 - TONY LAUGHS - Tony! 332 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,480 THEY BOTH LAUGH 333 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:11,200 - What do you mean? Why not? - He's got a new team. - What new team? 334 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,640 - I dunno. - Well, who's going to be our sub? - Sophie, I told you. 335 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,400 - What?! - I told you. 336 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,360 I want you to see that she's actually really nice. 337 00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:22,640 - SHE LAUGHS/GROANS - I'm sure she's bloody wonderful. 338 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,240 - Oh, look, there's Lance. - Who's he with? 339 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,360 - What's going on? - Nothing. Who's he with? - Have you two fallen out? 340 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:36,760 - No. What? Why? - Brilliant! 341 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,640 I'll be sitting there like a lemon while you ignore your boyfriend. 342 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,240 - He's not my boyfriend. - And hold hands with your girlfriend. 343 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,880 - She's not my girlfriend. - She's a floozy. - She's not a floozy. 344 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:48,040 - Who's not a floozy? - Hello, Sophie. Look, it's Sophie. 345 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,840 - Oh, yes. - Hi. - So, Sophie, this is erm...Becky. 346 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,920 Becky...this is Sophie. I think you've met before. 347 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,720 - Yep. Hi again. - Hello. 348 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,400 Sorry I poured three pints of strong European lager over you 349 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,640 last time we met. It was an accident. 350 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:07,280 That's OK. Happens all the time. 351 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:11,360 - Er...what are you drinking. Sophie, a pint? - Three, please. 352 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,480 HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY 353 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:20,480 Right, I'm going for a fag. You coming, Mags? 354 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,400 - Yeah, go on, then. - No, they're about to start in a minute. 355 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:24,920 Won't be long. 356 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,120 All right? 357 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,400 Come on, mate, this isn't worth it. Come and join us at our table. 358 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,480 Loser pulls out of the presidency. 359 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:46,160 If you like. 360 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,800 And loser leaves the club. 361 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:51,440 - All right, tosser. - You tosser. - Are you? - No, you are. 362 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,080 BIRDSONG 363 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,640 - MAN: - 'Right, now, quiz rules state...' 364 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,280 - Come on, then, that's us. - '..that everyone must hand over 365 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,160 'their telephones for the duration of the quiz.' 366 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,840 CHATTER 367 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,520 So, how does this work? 368 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,600 Quiz master asks the questions 369 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,000 and if you know the answer you write it down. 370 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,880 Yes, it's your basic pub quiz. 371 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,400 Different rounds, different subjects. 372 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,760 What's your speciality, do you think? 373 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,360 Children's programmes? 374 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,840 Well, I'm studying ancient history, so... 375 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,200 Yeah, doesn't often come up in the Two Brewers pub quiz. 376 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,320 You're a primary school teacher, aren't you? 377 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,960 - So you're probably good at most subjects. - That's right. 378 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,680 Up to Year-6 standard? 379 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,760 - Where have you been?! We're about to start! - All right! 380 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,200 Jesus! Don't wet yourself. 381 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,480 And, if everybody's ready... 382 00:20:57,480 --> 00:20:59,160 Round one. 383 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,960 The sports round. 384 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:07,480 - ANDY GROANS - Question one. Which football club is nearest the Mersey? 385 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,320 - It's Liverpool. - No, it's Stockport. It's definitely Stockport. 386 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:13,320 People think it's Liverpool or Everton, it's definitely Stockport. 387 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,680 - OK. - Put it down. - Stockport. - Question two. 388 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:22,560 What was the 1966 World Cup mascot in England? 389 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,280 - I know it. - I know it! - Oh, that's it. - Yes! 390 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:29,120 - Willy? - Willy. - Yeah. 391 00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,440 Hopefully some geography questions will come up. 392 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:32,960 Becky's got a geography degree. 393 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,160 Oh, my God! Amazing! Well done you! 394 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,040 Moving on to round two. 395 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,640 Lads' mags! 396 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,720 Ye-he-he-ess! 397 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:59,040 What does FHM stand for? 398 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:03,080 - MUTTERING - Just give him the pencil. 399 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,080 All right, fine. 400 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,960 - Write it! - HE LAUGHS 401 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,440 Look at them, they know everything. Don't you read lads' mags, Andy? 402 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:15,080 - No. - No, lads' mags are for men having midlife crises 403 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,920 who like looking at pictures of floozies and dolly birds. 404 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,520 ANDY LAUGHS AWKWARDLY 405 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:31,120 Round three. The Balearic Islands. 406 00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:33,680 - Oh! - Ohh! - Danke schon! 407 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,280 On to the next round. 408 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,080 ITV2. 409 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:40,400 What?! 410 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,000 - Oh! - Perfect! - Series link! 411 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,320 That's not a category! 412 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:53,000 On to round five. Astronomy. 413 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,400 Here we go. 414 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:55,560 Question one. 415 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,280 What star sign are you 416 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:00,240 if you was born on the 10th of October? 417 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,720 - That's not... - Oh, I know this. - No. - I know this! 418 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,840 That's astrology, not astronomy. 419 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:06,400 What's the difference? 420 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,400 She's got it. She knows it. 421 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,320 And final round this evening is archaeology. 422 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,640 Here we are. 423 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:28,160 What year was the tomb of Tutankhamen discovered? 424 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,360 Who?! 425 00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:30,600 1923. 426 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,680 - '23. - No, it's 1922. 427 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,920 - Is it? - The actual discovery of the tomb 428 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:38,040 when they found the steps was 1922, 429 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,480 when they broke through into the burial chamber 430 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:44,720 - and found the wonderful things, that was early 1923. - BECKY SIGHS 431 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:48,480 I did a project with my Year-6 children. 432 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:50,120 Well? This is your department, 433 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,760 Indiana Jones and the Temple of Urgh! 434 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,760 I know, it's just... It's either 1922 or 1923. 435 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:58,720 Oh, Lance! 436 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:00,760 CHATTER 437 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,840 MAGS: Put both years! Put both. 438 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,240 And the winners tonight, 439 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,240 who got every question right... 440 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,880 apart from them ones in the archaeology round, 441 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,480 they were quite difficult. 442 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,560 The winners are... 443 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:21,160 this team here! 444 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,240 BOTH: Oh! 445 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:24,960 APPLAUSE 446 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,520 BOTH LAUGH 447 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:30,000 - We win! - There we are. - Here, fellas. 448 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,560 Humiliating defeat. 449 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,520 Just goes to prove Lance is the trivia king. 450 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,480 - Still, nice to meet you, Sophie. - Yeah, you too. 451 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,320 See ya. 452 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,440 - BOTH LAUGH - I'm so proud! 453 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,960 See ya. 454 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:02,840 - Which is why you need to elect - me - as your next president. 455 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,640 Look, if I'm right, ladies and gentlemen, 456 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:12,080 then this is it, this is the big one, what we've all been looking for, 457 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:16,960 the final resting place of Sexred, King of the East Saxons. 458 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,080 So what we've got to do is make the initial find, 459 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:24,320 then we can secure our right to play a part in the excavation. 460 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:28,000 So let's get some new members in, some fresh blood, 461 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:32,440 and let's get some fleeces with DMDC embroidered on 'em. 462 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,560 No, Russell, it won't be too expensive, 463 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:39,840 because I've got a mate who works down at the custom fleece warehouse 464 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,720 and he'll give us a discount. 465 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:46,880 What's that young Hugh? Well, do you see Andy here? 466 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,320 Where is Andy in our hour of need? 467 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:58,000 Sorry, do you want to be alone with your detector? 468 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,000 Yeah, if you wouldn't mind. 469 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,680 - Do you talk to it? - Sometimes. 470 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,680 Does every detector have its own personality? 471 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,920 Lance would have you believe they do. 472 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,200 Why aren't you talking to Lance? What's it all about? 473 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:21,280 I went detecting on Bishop's farm when we sort of said we wouldn't. 474 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:22,880 On your own? 475 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,760 Yeah. 476 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,200 Oops. 477 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,880 He'll get over it. Don't be sad. 478 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,240 I'm going to let him be club president. 479 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:36,800 Well, you should, he's totally suited to it. You'd be rubbish. 480 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,840 I've pulled out of the presidential race. 481 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:43,000 - Was it a race? - Sort of. No, not really. 482 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,520 I'm glad anyway, I didn't really want to do it, 483 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,800 I just got caught up in all the excitement. 484 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,720 - Oh, my God! You are so sad! - SHE LAUGHS 485 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:55,120 Hang on, why aren't you drinking? 486 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:57,240 You haven't got school tomorrow. 487 00:26:58,360 --> 00:26:59,920 There's a reason. 488 00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,680 KNOCK AT DOOR 489 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,160 Oh, bloody hell! Who's that? 490 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,440 - What reason? - Hang on. 491 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,640 What reason? Are you trying to lose weight? 492 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,240 I never said you needed to lose weight. 493 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:48,600 You don't need to lose weight. 494 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,360 I thought that's why you weren't drinking. 495 00:27:51,360 --> 00:27:54,200 - Becks, what you doing? Where are you going? - To my mum's. 496 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:55,960 Is it what I said? 497 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,360 It's not because of what you said, it's what you've done! 498 00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:02,480 - What have I done? - Wrack your brains! 499 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,280 - Becky, wait! - ENGINE STARTS 500 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:18,840 HE SIGHS