1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,080 This programme contains very strong language. 2 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:38,880 # Will you search through the lonely earth for me 3 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,720 # Climb through the briar brambles 4 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:47,040 # I'll be your treasure 5 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,040 # I'm waiting for you 6 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:56,520 # I'm waiting for you. # 7 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,520 - Hey. - Hey. 8 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:15,280 - I phoned, left a message. - Oh, sorry, phone's on silent. 9 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,680 I went to Bishop's Farm but you weren't there. 10 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,520 Yeah, I didn't really want to go there again without Lance. 11 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,840 - Is that why you've fallen out? - Kind of, yeah. 12 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,960 Sorry, that's my fault. 13 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,720 It's all right. 14 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:44,040 It was nice to meet Becky the other night. She seems nice. 15 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,520 Yeah, cheers. 16 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,280 She's left me. 17 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,280 What? Why? 18 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:51,040 I'm not really sure. 19 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,520 - Well, where's she gone? - Her mum's. 20 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,040 Is that my fault as well, then? 21 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:58,760 Probably. 22 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,280 Sorry. 23 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:06,800 - What are you going to do? - About Becky or Lance? - Both. 24 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,200 I don't know. I'm thinking of giving it all up. 25 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,680 What, detecting? 26 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:13,040 We're skint. 27 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:16,520 If I sell my detector I could afford to take Becky away somewhere. 28 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:19,040 I've found my gold. Think I'm done. 29 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,040 Lance will be gutted. 30 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,240 Becky won't though. 31 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:27,720 - Did you watch University Challenge last night? - No. 32 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,280 But you always watch University Challenge. 33 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:34,040 - I don't know how to turn the TV on. - What? 34 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,520 - Becky always turns the TV on. - Are you serious? 35 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,760 Three remote controls. 36 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,280 It's a complicated sequence involving all three 37 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:47,040 - and I never got to grips with it. - You need to get her back. 38 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:50,760 Yep, or I'll never get to watch TV again. 39 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,520 Do you want to do a quick sweep of this field, then? 40 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,760 No, I'm going to head off. 41 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,360 I've got to get to work. 42 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,040 See you later. 43 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,760 See you. 44 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,480 All right, Cliff? 45 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,080 - Done them sprouts? - Yep. 46 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,200 Done them caulies? 47 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,760 Yep. 48 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:44,720 You see University Challenge last night? 49 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,080 - See what? - University Challenge. 50 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,280 Quiz show on TV? 51 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,520 Jeremy Paxman? 52 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,040 Done them spuds? 53 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,600 Yep. 54 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:12,640 MOBILE PHONE RINGS 55 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,120 Hello, Maggs. 56 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,520 Yeah. No, I'm at work. 57 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,040 Hang on, hang on, hang on. 58 00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:26,720 Ted! 59 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,520 Is it all right if I knock off once I've done them pomegranates? 60 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,080 Yep. OK. 61 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,520 Excuse me. 62 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,480 Excuse me! 63 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,040 Oh...sorry. 64 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,680 What properties do the amethyst ones have? 65 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,760 Erm, erm, amethyst? 66 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:17,680 Erm, well, cleanse your chakras 67 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,000 and your aura. 68 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,280 General purpose spiritual cleanser. 69 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:26,720 Quite strong, like Swarfega. 70 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,560 And the moonstone? 71 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,280 Moonstone puts you in touch with the moon - 72 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:37,120 strengthens your spiritual relationship with the moon. 73 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,080 And the quartz? 74 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,040 Quartz... 75 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,040 gives you a... 76 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:48,520 ..mild sense of...paranoia. 77 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,520 Have you got anything shamanic? 78 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:58,520 Shamanic, shamanic, shamanic, shamanic, sham... 79 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,720 Well, we've got a whole shamanic section. It's just over here. 80 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,280 Loads of it. 81 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,520 Sorry. 82 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,000 I was longer than I thought. 83 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,520 - Kept me waiting at the bank. - That's all right. How did it go? 84 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,040 No good. They won't give me any more. 85 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,760 It's all about high street chains these days. 86 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:20,160 - No room for an independent like me. - So what does that mean? 87 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:23,040 I can't afford the rent. I'm going to have to close up. 88 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,040 That was my last hope. 89 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:29,440 - Tony has been offered a transfer to another restaurant. - Pizza Hut? 90 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,760 Another Pizza Hut, yeah. We'll move up north. 91 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,640 What about all your friends? Your mum? 92 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,040 She'll have to come with. 93 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,520 Oh... 94 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,040 If only I could find someone who'd give me a loan 95 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,280 just for a couple of months. 96 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,640 Well, I suppose... 97 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:51,040 - Oh, Lance, really? - Well, no, I don't know if I can. 98 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:54,320 I mean, I'd have to run some numbers, see what I can spare. 99 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,280 That would be so good of you. 100 00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,520 It would only be for a couple of months while I sort this all out. 101 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,760 The shop's starting to pick up. It's been going really well. 102 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,520 - Yeah? - Yeah, really well. 103 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,840 Have you sold much while I've been gone? 104 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:09,520 Erm, just a green sky otter. 105 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,520 What about Tony? Has he not got any savings? 106 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:17,120 Nah, not that he's told me about. He spends it all on his skin. 107 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:19,360 Right. 108 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,760 You'd really save me if you could, Lance, 109 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:25,280 and it would mean we could stay here and I'd get to see you more often. 110 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:29,520 - Well, I don't know if I can yet, Maggs. I'll have a look. - Course. 111 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,280 I haven't got that much time though, Lance. 112 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,160 Fancy a cuppa? 113 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:38,040 Go on, then. 114 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,160 Do you take sugar? I can't remember. 115 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:47,040 Do I take sugar? You know I do. One! 116 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,040 Tea without sugar is vegetable soup. 117 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,400 That's right! I won't be a sec. 118 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,280 What does this do? 119 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,600 Oh, God. Hmm? 120 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,280 Oh, it's a... 121 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,040 spirit stick. 122 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:02,280 Yeah. 123 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:03,760 You... 124 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,960 ..hit spirits with it. 125 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:13,760 Come on, Becky. Please. 126 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,360 I feel like I'm in a Richard Curtis film. 127 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,400 I told you not to come here. I told you I'd phone you. 128 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,480 I lost my phone. I thought you might have been trying to call. 129 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,040 That's bollocks. I can see your phone. 130 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,920 - I found it again. - Were there any messages from me? 131 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:33,160 - No. - Right, well, I guess I didn't phone you, then. 132 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:36,280 - I sold my metal detector. - Really? 133 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:39,440 No, not yet, but I'm going to sell it tomorrow. I got a quote from the 134 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,440 bloke in the shop and I'm definitely going to sell it tomorrow. 135 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,520 And this is your big gesture - your big romantic gesture? 136 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,240 I suppose it is. I thought we could go away somewhere. 137 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,040 It's not about the detecting, Andy. 138 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:54,160 - What's it about, then? - You really don't know! 139 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,800 No, I don't think I do. 140 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,680 - This isn't what it looks like. - Really? 141 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,680 Because it looks like you kissing Sophie in a field. 142 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,520 It's not. She kissed me. 143 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,560 Right. Like she was holding your hand the other night in the pub. 144 00:09:18,560 --> 00:09:21,760 Yes. This...this isn't a romantic kiss. 145 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,960 - This is a congratulations kiss. - Well, congratulations. 146 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,560 There's no tongues. 147 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,280 Uh! Please spare me. 148 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,520 Where did...? Did you take this? 149 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,040 No, I didn't. 150 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:35,400 I've got better things to do than sneak around spying on you. 151 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,000 It was left on the doorstep. 152 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,880 I'm not sleeping with Sophie. 153 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:41,280 I didn't say you were sleeping with Sophie. 154 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,680 I think you're getting nice and friendly with Sophie 155 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:46,480 with a view to hopefully sleeping with her in the near future. 156 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:50,240 - No, that's not what I want. - What do you want? 157 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:53,040 You, Becks. I want you. 158 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,080 I don't know if I want you any more. 159 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,280 I've got to think. I need some time. 160 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:05,560 Please don't come round here and don't phone me. 161 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,280 - Do you...? - No. I'm all right, thanks. 162 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,200 I'm good for photos of you kissing other women. 163 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,400 Going to keep it, are you? Put it in your scrapbook? 164 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,480 No, I just...I didn't... 165 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:30,000 - I don't want it in there, thanks. - Pardon? 166 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,360 I don't want it in my mum's bin. 167 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:46,840 - Have you got a recycling bin? - Just take it with you. 168 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,200 Yeah, right, sorry. 169 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,200 Hello. 170 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,040 Hello. 171 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,760 How's it going? 172 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,040 Yeah, brilliant, yeah. 173 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,680 - Have you spoken to Andy? - Who? 174 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:25,760 Oh, come on, Lance. What's going on? 175 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,040 Why aren't you two speaking? 176 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,040 - Why do you think? - Because of the gold? 177 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,040 Look... 178 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,520 it used to be me and Andy, right. 179 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:42,040 This was our escape from the rude world, from the madding crowd. 180 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:47,520 You know, we were quite happy finding junk and talking bollocks 181 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,760 and then you come along and throw a shoe in the works. 182 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,520 Do you know how often we find gold? 183 00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:56,040 Never! 184 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,760 We never find it. 185 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:02,040 And that's what we're looking for. We don't say that. 186 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,520 We don't say we're looking for gold. 187 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:09,040 We pretend we're happy, you know, finding buckles and buttons 188 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,520 and crap, but what we're hoping for... 189 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,120 is gold. 190 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,400 Find one piece of gold. 191 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:19,040 Something that's been held by Saxon or... 192 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,280 Roman. 193 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:26,520 One of the other ancient peoples that once roamed this land before us. 194 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:31,240 Me and Andy, well, we've been detecting along time. 195 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:35,000 We must have been pulled a couple of tons of metal out of this county. 196 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,760 Lead, bronze, copper, iron, 197 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,760 occasionally silver. 198 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,640 Never gold. 199 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,760 So when you buy a second-hand metal detector 200 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:53,760 and go out for the first time and find gold with my best friend, 201 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:55,760 yeah, yeah, I'll admit it, 202 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,920 I'm a bit jealous because I wish I'd been there. 203 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,640 I didn't find it. Andy did. 204 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:05,040 - You were his lucky charm, were you? - I don't know. 205 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:09,160 I didn't find it, I didn't plant it. He found it on his own. 206 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,760 Yeah, I know. 207 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,640 I don't believe in lucky charms. 208 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:21,040 You wouldn't say that if you saw me in Maggie's shop yesterday. 209 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:25,680 - Yeah? - Quite the new age salesman, I was. 210 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,760 I didn't get to meet Maggie the other day in the pub. 211 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,040 No, probably lucky. 212 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:34,040 She'd have fleeced you. 213 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,120 - Yeah? - Yeah. 214 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:41,040 She's after a loan from me to pay her rent and keep her shop open. 215 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,520 - Did you give it to her? - No. 216 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:46,520 Well, didn't say I would, didn't say I wouldn't. 217 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:52,760 If I don't, she'll move up north and I'll never see her again. 218 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,600 What's her new bloke doing? Why can't he bail her out? 219 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,120 - Cause he's a cunt. - Gotcha. 220 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,280 Don't do it, Lance. 221 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,280 Don't lend her anything. 222 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,520 That's none of your business. 223 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,760 I know. Sorry. 224 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,040 Listen... 225 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:24,040 ..I've never admitted this to anyone, but... 226 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,040 ..I really won the lottery the day Maggie left me. 227 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,280 Right. 228 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,760 You mean, what, you didn't realise at the time 229 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,960 but actually it was the best thing that could have happened? 230 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,240 Pardon? 231 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,040 You mean that...it was a good thing. 232 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,520 What was? 233 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:44,760 - Maggie leaving you? - Eh? 234 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,040 What did you mean then, "I won the lottery?" 235 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:52,240 - I won the lottery the day Maggie left me. - Sorry, what do you mean? 236 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:56,560 What part of, "I won the lottery", don't not understand? 237 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,760 - You won the lottery? - Yes. 238 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,040 - The National Lottery? - Yes. 239 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,520 - How much? - Three hundred grand. 240 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,880 - Shut up! - True. 241 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,760 November the fifth. 242 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:13,520 She said she was leaving, that she'd met this bloke, and she left. 243 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:20,040 I was reeling. I didn't know what to do so I went out for a walk... 244 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,040 ..and everywhere was lit up. 245 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,760 You know, firework night. 246 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,520 It was like everyone was celebrating my misfortune 247 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,760 so I went into this offie to buy a can, 248 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:35,520 but I only had a quid so I bought a lottery ticket. 249 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,520 First one I've ever bought. 250 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,040 And, bam, 251 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,400 300K, thank you very much. 252 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,040 No way! 253 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,520 Yes way. 254 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,280 Never told anyone that before. 255 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,000 - Can I borrow a tenner? - No. 256 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,520 Oh, God. 257 00:15:58,520 --> 00:15:59,760 What? 258 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,200 It's them. The Everly Brothers. 259 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,560 Simon and Garfunkel. 260 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,040 Hello, there! 261 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,520 Ah... 262 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,720 We have good news! 263 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,320 Go on. 264 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,760 This land is now a site of special archaeological interest. 265 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,520 Under the jurisdiction of Colchester Museum. 266 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,760 And we, the Antique Researchers, have been given sole permission 267 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,360 to detect on this land as official affiliators of 268 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,520 and in accordance with the North Essex Portable Antiquities... 269 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:36,760 All right, mate. Jesus. Listen to yourself. 270 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:39,280 You sound like a dickhead. Speak normally. 271 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,760 You no longer have permission to detect on this land 272 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,040 under the Ancient Monuments and Archaeological Areas Act 1979. 273 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,840 Still sound like a dickhead. Look like a dickhead as well. 274 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,680 - Immature as usual. - Dickhead. 275 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,040 All right. Let's go. 276 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,600 Too late, mate. They're pushing us out. 277 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,280 - They've got sole permission. - Did you take this photo? 278 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,840 No. 279 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:05,240 - Well, you haven't even seen it yet so obviously you did. - What is it? 280 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,480 Phil, you bastard. 281 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,760 - Phil? - Phil? - Is your name Phil? 282 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,880 - How did you know his name was Phil? - I thought it was Art. - Why Art? 283 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,760 - Shut the fuck up, Paul. - What's going on? 284 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,400 - Do you want to tell them? - Not really. 285 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,600 Wait, are you an Antique Researcher? 286 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,760 - Was. - Was? 287 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,880 They asked me to keep an eye on you. 288 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:33,560 Jesus, this is like the worst ever episode of Scooby-Doo. 289 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,520 - Hello, there! - Oh, here we go. 290 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,280 I see you've met. 291 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,160 Exciting news, eh? 292 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,280 The MoD have finished their survey 293 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:45,520 and the archaeology bods are arriving at the weekend, 294 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:49,600 opening up a couple of trenches, having a look see what they find. 295 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:50,920 Super. 296 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,480 And I understand you chaps are helping them out. 297 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,480 No, these chaps are. We've been pushed out. 298 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,280 - What? Why? - Do you remember I told you about the rogues? 299 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,440 Well, these are they. 300 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,280 And she was the mole. 301 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:07,160 - Andy. - She spied on us and passed the information on to these chaps. 302 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,040 Oh, come on. 303 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,280 You're all metal detectors. 304 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,320 ALL: Detectorists! 305 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,400 - Pub? - Go on, then. 306 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,720 Andy! 307 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,760 I'm sorry. 308 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,520 Did you see Fifteen To One? 309 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,040 No. I can't turn on the telly. 310 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,040 - Not the same. - I know. 311 00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,760 - I miss William G Stewart. - Yeah. 312 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:55,040 Yeah, I like Toksvig, but, you know, 313 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,520 she's always cracking jokes. 314 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,760 William G never cracked jokes. 315 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,280 Very rarely. 316 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,040 And when he did they weren't funny. 317 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:07,280 Yeah, there's no room for humour on Fifteen To One. 318 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:22,040 You know, I knew there was something I didn't like about her. 319 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,040 Sold us down the river. 320 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,040 - It's that new detector she bought. - Had it for years probably. 321 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,040 - And Bishop's Farm? - Gone. 322 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:32,520 Bugger. 323 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:36,280 Well, personally, I'm withdrawing my bid to become Club President. 324 00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:37,920 Yeah, likewise. 325 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,000 So who's going to lead us, then? I'm not bloody doing it. 326 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:44,360 To be honest, Russ, I think the days of the DMDC are numbered. 327 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:48,000 - But we've still got half a jar of coffee left. - You take it. 328 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,280 We're...we're not going to disband, are we? 329 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,040 Well, I'm going to go independent. 330 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,040 Go it alone. 331 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,040 Like the Lone Ranger? 332 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,760 A bit like the Lone Ranger, Hugh, yeah. 333 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:07,280 - What about you, Andy? - I'll probably go it alone as well, with Lance. 334 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,760 - Like Tonto? - No, Hugh. Not like Tonto. 335 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:19,000 - Terry, you're back! - Can't keep a good man down, Russell. 336 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,040 - How's the leg? - Oh, a bit stiff, but on the mend. 337 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,000 The doctors said he will back at Flamenco in a month. 338 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,520 Well, we'll see, love. Don't want to rush things. 339 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,560 Hang on, where's the finds table? 340 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,280 - We couldn't find it. - Oh, well, that's just great. 341 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,240 That is indicative of the whole attitude of this club, isn't it? 342 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:40,480 I'm away for a week and everything falls apart. 343 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,880 I mean, why couldn't you use that table or that one? 344 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,400 - We always use the same table. - Nothing to put on it anyway, Tel. 345 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:50,520 Nothing? Nobody's found anything this week? 346 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:54,280 - We were telling everyone. We've lost Bishop's Farm. - Who to? 347 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,280 The Essex Archaeological Society, Ministry of Defence, 348 00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:00,040 the Antique Researchers, you name them. 349 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,800 We're the only people in the county that aren't allowed on the land. 350 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,440 - And where's Sophie? - Gone to the other side. 351 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,280 - Dead? - No, she has defected. 352 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:13,280 Or rather it turns out she was always on their side. She was a spy. 353 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,040 Bitch! 354 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:21,000 Well, I hope that teaches you not to make decision with your dicks! 355 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,440 You let her join. 356 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:26,120 - I wasn't talking about you, Louise. You haven't got a dick. - Huh. Sexist. 357 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:30,000 You should see him in his Flamenco outfit. Oh! 358 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,800 Sexist, Sheila. Not sexy. 359 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,200 So, have you decided on a new president? 360 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,520 Sort of lost the enthusiasm really, Terry. 361 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,080 Sorry, Telly. 362 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:43,680 Well, that's it, then. The end of the Danebury Metal Detecting Club. 363 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,520 - Is this the metal detecting club? - You're too late, mate. 364 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:53,280 We're not accepting any new members. In fact, we're disbanding the club. 365 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,360 But thank you for your interest. 366 00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:57,520 Delivery for Lance Stater. 367 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,480 Oh, I ordered those fleeces, didn't I? 368 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:04,040 - What fleeces? - As part of my bid to become Club President, 369 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:08,040 I ordered fleeces with the DMDC logo embroidered on them. 370 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,040 - Shall I bring the rest in, then? - There's more? 371 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,720 Four more boxes. 372 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,280 Yeah, I had to get 150 to get the discount on them. 373 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:21,040 Hey, they're all right, these. 374 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,520 Camouflage! What else? 375 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,040 So, what are you going to do with them? 376 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:30,480 Erm...we could share them. 377 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:32,240 21 each? 378 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:33,760 No. 379 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:37,880 Come on. We can't disband this club. Not now we got fleeces. 380 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,880 I am withdrawing my resignation, 381 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,720 taking back the Presidency. 382 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:47,040 Let's breathe some new life into this club. 383 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,760 We'll have an open day, fundraiser, 384 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,480 recruitment drive. 385 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,360 We'll get new members, put them in club fleeces 386 00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:56,040 and get out there 387 00:22:56,040 --> 00:23:00,040 looking for the history that is buried underneath our feet. 388 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,320 What do you say? 389 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,160 I can't hear you! 390 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,160 - OK. - Yeah, all right. 391 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:10,920 That's more like it. 392 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,920 Would you like us to lift you onto our shoulders now? 393 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,040 Oh, not with my leg, no. 394 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,800 Give him a week. 395 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,040 Becky, it's me. 396 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:20,040 I know you told me not to phone but I couldn't help it. 397 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:21,800 I need you back. 398 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,520 I can't turn on the telly. 399 00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,520 That's not the reason. 400 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,040 I was saying that to be cute. 401 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,280 I'll learn how to turn on the telly. 402 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,520 I could probably work it out if I tried hard enough. 403 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,040 But I'm going to try really hard, not with the telly, 404 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:41,040 you know, I'm going to try harder with everything, 405 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,040 with us and everything. 406 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:47,040 I'm going to sell my detector and I know I already said that 407 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,520 I had sold it or I was going to, but I didn't get around to it, 408 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,600 but I'm going to sell it tomorrow or the next day definitely. 409 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,760 You can count on me. I'm going to change. 410 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,040 I really want this. 411 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,040 I want to have this... 412 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,280 chance to... 413 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,280 start again. 414 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:09,520 I'm going to pull my finger out and my socks up 415 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,040 and myself together and we can... 416 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,520 I need you, Becky. 417 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:18,840 I'm nothing without you. 418 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,040 I can't even turn on the telly. 419 00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,160 Brilliant. That's sorted, then. 420 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:34,760 There they are. 421 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:36,240 Bastards. 422 00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:37,480 Who? 423 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:41,040 Simon and Garfunkel detecting the spoil heap. 424 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,280 Damn it! Imagine what we're missing down there. 425 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,280 My gold was only a few inches under the surface. 426 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:51,040 What are you going to do with that? 427 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,760 - I was going to give it to Becky. - Nice gesture. 428 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,040 It would be if she was talking to me. 429 00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,040 She still not answering your calls? 430 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,760 - Can I tell you something private? - Becky's pregnant. - What? 431 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:11,040 - How did you know that? - So you finally figured it out. 432 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,040 - Who told you? - No-one told me. It was obvious. 433 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,760 How is it obvious? 434 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:19,040 Well, she hasn't been drinking and we all know Becky likes a drink. 435 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:22,280 You said she was sick every morning even though she hadn't had a drink 436 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,040 and she went to be on her own 437 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:27,040 when it looked like you were wavering your devotions to her. 438 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,920 All the signs were there, mate. How did you figure it out? 439 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,120 I found the box from a pregnancy test in the bathroom bin. 440 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,240 God, I'm an idiot! 441 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,040 Got to go and get her back. 442 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,720 Yeah, you're right. 443 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,040 Not right now, though. 444 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,040 Rozzers have arrived. 445 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,040 What are they doing? 446 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,520 Probably just routine, you know, police business. 447 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,960 Oh, they're giving Simon and Garfunkel their marching orders. 448 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:02,200 Yeah? 449 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,040 They're packing up. Homeward bound. 450 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,040 Oh. Bishop's down there. 451 00:27:10,360 --> 00:27:13,040 Maybe we should go down there and see what's afoot. 452 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:16,040 You know, grab a sneaky sweep of the spoil heap? 453 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,280 Have you got your detector in the car? 454 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,280 Pope shit in the woods? 455 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,040 Banzai. 456 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,040 - Hello, Larry. - Hello, there! 457 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:31,520 What do you think of all this, then? It's like the Battle of the Somme. 458 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,360 These trenches and mud and god knows what. 459 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,040 - What's happening? - Quite exciting, really. 460 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,520 - First trench they put down, bones. - Really? - Really. 461 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,760 Right there. A grave. The history chaps say they're looking for 462 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,080 a Saxon - I think they may have found him straightaway. 463 00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:50,040 There wouldn't be any bones left in a Saxon grave Larry. 464 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,520 Saxon bones would have rotted away a long time ago. 465 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,520 Why are the fuzz here? 466 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:58,040 Apparently, when bones are found, the boys in blue have to be involved 467 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:00,800 until it's confirmed that the remains are historical. 468 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,840 They're coming over now. 469 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,760 - Mr Bishop? - Larry. - Do you recognise this, sir? 470 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:09,680 Good God. 471 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,760 - That's Justine's wedding ring. - Laurence Michael Bishop, 472 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,200 I'm arresting you on suspicion of murder. 473 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,040 You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence 474 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,280 if you do not mention when questioned something you later rely on in court. 475 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,120 Anything you do say may be given in evidence. Do you understand? 476 00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:26,040 Perfectly, thank you. 477 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:29,600 There's a turn up for the books. Wasn't expecting that. Were you? 478 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,120 Keep an eye out for the dog, will you, while I'm gone?