1
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,720
What's this? Metal detecting, are you?

2
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,680
Oh...

3
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:21,840
Pardon?

4
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,320
Metal detecting?

5
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:26,320
That's right.

6
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,200
Found anything?

7
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:29,360
Bits and bobs.

8
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,880
Oh, good luck. Maybe you'll strike gold.

9
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,040
Yes. See ya.

10
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,080
Hello.

11
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,440
Looking for treasure?

12
00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:50,560
Something like that.

13
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:51,800
What have you found?

14
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,480
Oh, bits and pieces.

15
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:54,520
No gold?

16
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:55,720
Nope.

17
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:56,760
Well, fingers crossed.

18
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,280
Yeah. See ya.

19
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,040
All right.

20
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:06,520
This is a problem. It's a public footpath, there's bloody ramblers

21
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:09,120
coming by asking the same questions all the time.

22
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:10,400
Oh, here come some more.

23
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:17,080
Ah, metal detectors. We had a metal detector once, didn't we, Rosemary?

24
00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,920
That's still in the garage.

25
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,520
Is that so?

26
00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,000
- Have you found any gold? 
- Ah, Jesus.

27
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,840
- Pardon? 
- No, no, no gold. No, no.

28
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:29,040
- Fingers crossed. 
- Fingers crossed, yeah.

29
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:32,400
Tell me, how many more of you are coming through?

30
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,880
Of us? About 50 today, I think.

31
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:44,720
Call it a day?

32
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:45,960
Probably best.

33
00:01:56,160 --> 00:02:00,600
# Will you search through the lonely earth for me?

34
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:05,640
# Climb through the briar and bramble

35
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:08,440
# I'll be your treasure... #

36
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,280
Mate, that was a good couple of hours.

37
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,440
Yeah. Were you getting good stuff?

38
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:15,120
Me, too...

39
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,240
..bloody ramblers notwithstanding.

40
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:21,040
It's all Roman. Nothing spectacular, but five of these little bronzes.

41
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,000
And that's part of something, not sure what.

42
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,400
Same here. Roman grots.

43
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,840
Four or five of 'em.

44
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,760
How many times have we searched this field

45
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,000
and only now it starts throwing up its treasure?

46
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:38,640
Six weeks' time, this'll be solar panels as far as the eye can see.

47
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:40,520
Less than six weeks.

48
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,840
Doesn't exactly make your heart sing, does it?

49
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:47,080
Oh, well. Sic biscuitus deteriatum.

50
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:50,480
See University Challenge last night?

51
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,320
Yeah.

52
00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:56,400
What three letter generic name is given to the bird family Paridae?

53
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,480
Bzz!

54
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,320
- Balliol, Potts. 
- Tit.

55
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,880
Tit is correct, yes.

56
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,640
- Classic.
- Classic.

57
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:06,120
Hello there!

58
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,320
Speaking of tits...

59
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:14,040
Heeeeeello there.

60
00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:15,760
What are you doing here?

61
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,240
Oh, just...passing by.

62
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,880
You're always just passing by.

63
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,160
You must come miles out of your way to pass by.

64
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,400
It must seem like that, yes.

65
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:29,440
No, we haven't seen you since your amazing find,

66
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,720
your golden astel.

67
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,800
Wanted to congratulate you, actually.

68
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,240
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. Really fantastic.

69
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:38,720
How's it feel?

70
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,960
What, to have a piece with my name underneath it in the British Museum?

71
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,520
Feels good.

72
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:50,760
I imagine it does. Well, congratulations.

73
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:51,840
Here's to you.

74
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,240
Mrs Robinson.

75
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:54,720
- Pardon?
- Nothing.

76
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,080
Is that all you came to say?

77
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,920
That and to...

78
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:02,720
..wave a white flag, so to speak.

79
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,480
Don't you think it's time we put our differences behind us?

80
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,400
Maybe pool resources?

81
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:10,800
What resources?

82
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,920
Well, our permissions.

83
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,360
We've got more than enough land to detect on and...

84
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,280
well, this farm here, it's...

85
00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:19,800
far too big for just the two of you.

86
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,720
If you've got more than enough land, why do you want to come here?

87
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,720
- Well sometimes it's good... 
- Duh-duh-duh-duh.

88
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,200
I wasn't talking to you, Paul.

89
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,000
More choice. Different topography.

90
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,880
- You don't have any permissions, do you?
- We do.

91
00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:35,120
Oh, yeah. Where?

92
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:37,720
Well, I'm not going to tell you, am I?

93
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,320
Unless you agree to share.

94
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:40,880
Oh! Right.

95
00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,680
We have some prime locations.

96
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:47,840
Oh, do you?

97
00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,280
I know what you're doing.

98
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:55,520
What am I doing?

99
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:56,880
You're doing a Jimmy waffle-on.

100
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,560
No, I'm not. No, I've just got an itchy chin, that's all.

101
00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,080
Ooh, yeah, I've got a bit of an itchy chin as well.

102
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,880
Tell us about these permissions.

103
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,440
And now you're both doing it.

104
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,480
You're both doing a Jimmy waffle-on.

105
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,080
Aren't they?

106
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,480
- Chinny reckon? Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

107
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,080
- Mm-hmm.
- No, we're not.

108
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,400
No, we've both just got itchy chins, that's all.

109
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,480
Really? Pathetic.

110
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:21,880
Come on, Paul.

111
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,160
Spanners.

112
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,440
Kate, are you here?

113
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,640
Kate, can I have a word?

114
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:00,680
Just a minute!

115
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,520
Hello, Dad. Sorry, I'm running late again.

116
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,400
Now, Kate, we need to have a chat.

117
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,920
Dad, can we maybe take this down, this poster?

118
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,280
What, the tennis lady? Why?

119
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:17,040
Don't you think it's a bit tacky?

120
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,120
Tacky? No.

121
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,360
And a bit... well, degrading to women.

122
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,600
Kate, she's scratching her bottom.

123
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,040
Dad, she's got no knickers on.

124
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:29,880
Hasn't she?

125
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,160
I'm late. I'll talk to you later.

126
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,920
Oh, Dad?

127
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:40,080
- Mm?
- I think there's a squirrel in the flat.

128
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,520
See ya.

129
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,760
Huh!

130
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:06,520
Haa!

131
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,960
Hoo-yoo!

132
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,320
Aargh!

133
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:42,000
Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ooh!

134
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,600
Ooh, bloody hell!

135
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,640
Ooh, bloody, bloody hell!

136
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,600
It was terrible.

137
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:52,440
I was going from room to room with a saucepan and a mop handle,

138
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,040
poking under furniture, shaking curtains.

139
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,600
It took me an hour and a half to search the flat.

140
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,680
And no squirrel?

141
00:07:58,680 --> 00:07:59,880
I didn't find one.

142
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,680
She was winding you up.

143
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,000
You think she was winding me up?

144
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:06,320
Sounds like a wind-up.

145
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:12,520
Well, that's what it's like - chaos.

146
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:14,640
And she never makes a plan and sticks to it,

147
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,000
so I never know if she's in.

148
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,120
So where does that leave us

149
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,400
if you can't come and stay with me on my boat?

150
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,480
I know. I've been looking into remedies for seasickness.

151
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:26,160
So have I. I think you should try hypnotherapy.

152
00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:30,840
I've always tried to steer clear of the mystical.

153
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,320
It's not mystical.

154
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,400
It is a bit mystical.

155
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:38,680
I mean, I'm not afraid of boats, it's the movement.

156
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,080
Hypnotists can't stop the boat from moving.

157
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,600
Well, maybe he CAN...in your head.

158
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:47,080
Let me get you an appointment.

159
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:53,520
Well...take a brave man to go poking around in here.

160
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,720
Who knows what might be unleashed?

161
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,480
I don't understand what we're doing here.

162
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:14,000
Tim, there's nothing down here.

163
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,560
Let's give it another hour.

164
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:18,800
Tim!

165
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:23,320
Tim, I think you better come and see this.

166
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:24,560
Where's this?

167
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:25,840
Just over here.

168
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:39,960
Amazing.

169
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,440
You see the flagstones protecting it?

170
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,680
It's as if it was preserved on purpose, a layer of sand

171
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:48,200
- and then these stones on top. 
- Do we know how far it extends?

172
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,320
Well, at least another four foot in that direction,

173
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,440
- but maybe even further. 
- Cover it up.

174
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:53,960
Huh?

175
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,160
Get a tarp or something.

176
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,280
Cover it up.

177
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:03,960
Hello!

178
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,240
Oh, back there. How are you?

179
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:11,880
Good to see you.

180
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,040
It's all there, Becks, it has to be.

181
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,520
I reckon the stones were put down deliberately to protect the mosaic.

182
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,920
I can see you.

183
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,800
I think the whole floor might be complete.

184
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,520
Honestly, I took off the edge stone, the mosaic was right there.

185
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,240
It's so beautiful, look.

186
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,320
Oh, weird.

187
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:01,600
What?

188
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,560
I took at least five photos, they're not here.

189
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:05,440
Are you sure you saved them?

190
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:06,960
Balls! Where are they?

191
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,800
Oh, it doesn't matter, I'll take some more when we lift the stones.

192
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,760
That's brilliant. Congratulations.

193
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:13,280
Thank you. And you know what?

194
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,760
I saw, at last, some enthusiasm in Tim.

195
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,160
Usually nothing stirs him, but he got quite emotional.

196
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,760
Well, good, it sounds like it's working out.

197
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:25,960
Yeah. Yeah, I think it's working out.

198
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,960
He can't make me do anything against my will?

199
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,520
You're always fully conscious, just in a very relaxed state.

200
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:41,480
So...he can't make me say anything I'll regret later?

201
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,200
No.

202
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,360
Nothing specific. I'm not hiding anything...

203
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,520
..to my knowledge.

204
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:51,880
Just chill.

205
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:55,320
Yeah, I'm just saying, I don't want to blurt anything out.

206
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,600
Do people tend do blurt?

207
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,840
There's very little blurting.

208
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,560
Oh, good, good.

209
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:06,760
Mr Stater?

210
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:07,800
Yes.

211
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,200
Would you like to come through?

212
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,240
Why?

213
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,280
For your treatment. I'm Dr Hoffman.

214
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,280
Are you? Is she?

215
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,040
Yes, that's Dr Hoffman.

216
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,040
Oh, yeah, great. Good, yeah.

217
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,360
Let's go.

218
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,400
- Don't be nervous. 
- I'm not nervous.

219
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,640
Try to relax.

220
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,280
I want this to work.

221
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:37,360
Me, too.

222
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,960
That's it, just take a seat there and make yourself comfortable.

223
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,320
Oh...

224
00:12:56,560 --> 00:13:00,880
I was expecting, you know...hangings.

225
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,040
Hangings?

226
00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:07,480
Tie-dyed wall hangings, wind chimes, smell of patchouli.

227
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,720
Oh, I see, like a mystic.

228
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,080
You're not going to have me doing Elvis, are you?

229
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:15,800
No, no, nothing like that.

230
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,280
Cos that's the thing, isn't it?

231
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,280
You know, someone says the word "fish and chips"

232
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:24,960
and I am compelled to sing and dance like Elvis.

233
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,000
I suppose so.

234
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:28,840
Could you do that?

235
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,720
I'm not a stage hypnotist, Mr Stater. Can I call you Lance?

236
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:32,840
Please do.

237
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,480
Great. So...

238
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:40,320
the only way this can work is if you are completely comfortable

239
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,920
and relaxed.

240
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,880
So, sit back.

241
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:02,440
Success depends on you being able to completely switch off,

242
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,160
trust my voice and let it carry you away.

243
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:08,000
I suppose it'd be difficult

244
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,040
if you had an annoying accent or a squeaky voice.

245
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,440
So try and put those sorts of thoughts

246
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,280
out of your mind for a while.

247
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,680
Try to empty your mind.

248
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,880
I will do exactly as you say.

249
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,120
Well done.

250
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:29,480
Just close your eyes and listen to the sound of my voice.

251
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:30,800
Listening.

252
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,760
You don't have to tell me you're listening, just listen.

253
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:38,600
Got it.

254
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,680
You don't have to say anything.

255
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,200
Oh, I thought you were waiting for a reply.

256
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,520
- No.
- Cos you hesitated.

257
00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:45,880
I might do a lot of hesitating,

258
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,920
but you don't need to say anything, or worry.

259
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,520
Just relax...and listen.

260
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:14,400
So I want you to imagine that you are lying on soft warm sand,

261
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,000
on a beach.

262
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:21,680
And it is a beautiful summer's day and the sun is on your face.

263
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:26,880
You've not got a care in the world, or anything to do.

264
00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:32,120
You can just enjoy the sun all day.

265
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:38,120
Sorry, sorry, I'm very sensitive to the sun, I burn very easily.

266
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:41,440
I wouldn't just sunbathe.

267
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,320
Is carpet the same as sand?

268
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,080
Could I lie in my flat?

269
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:53,760
Yes. So you are lying on the carpet in your flat.

270
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,960
You are very comfortable and warm, just right.

271
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:02,760
And you can feel yourself sinking into the carpet,

272
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:06,760
sinking down through the carpet.

273
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:10,040
Down. Down.

274
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:11,960
And the carpet...

275
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,720
No, no, the problem is...

276
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:14,880
You live on the first floor?

277
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:16,120
I live on the first floor.

278
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:20,400
Exactly. So I'm sinking down now into Mrs Morris's flat.

279
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,680
She's going to be terrified.

280
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,680
This is why it works best on a beach,

281
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,880
because you can just keep on sinking.

282
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,320
Have you got one of those sunshades?

283
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:32,080
Maybe I could sit under one of those big umbrellas.

284
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,640
Yes, do that.

285
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:38,600
Right, here we go, back on the beach.

286
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,160
Carry on.

287
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,040
Carry on-ez vous.

288
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:56,760
You were very quick.

289
00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:00,320
I was out like a light. Yeah, like that, sparko.

290
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,400
Really?

291
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,040
Yeah. No. I feel different.

292
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,440
I feel like I don't suffer from seasickness any more.

293
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,120
Why did the doctor have her head in her hands?

294
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:13,480
Did she? Oh, I think she had a migraine coming on.

295
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,600
Can children get migraines?

296
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:17,840
She wasn't that young.

297
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:19,800
She didn't know who Uri Geller was.

298
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,520
Why were you talking about Uri Geller?

299
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:25,200
No, I was talking about fraudsters in general. Not her!

300
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,320
I was just saying that there must be some out there.

301
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,600
But, no, yeah, I think it's done some good.

302
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,640
What's this?

303
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,280
That's for being brave.

304
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,800
Aw, cheers.

305
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,560
Well, better get off to the scout hut.

306
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,280
Do you want to stay tomorrow night and see if it worked?

307
00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:48,560
Yeah, go on, then.

308
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,280
We can get a takeaway. I'll treat you to fish and chips.

309
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:55,080
- IN ELVIS VOICE:
- Thank you very much.

310
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:08,080
Very nice! House of Constantine, circa 224 to 330 AD.

311
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,560
That's what I said.

312
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:13,560
And this one is third century, possibly Claudius II.

313
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,120
I said that as well.

314
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,600
And all this out of the same field?

315
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,200
There's something good going on down there, Terry.

316
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,600
We're close, I can feel it.

317
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,200
What's Russell doing? Russell?

318
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,480
Russ!

319
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:31,280
Whatcha doin'?

320
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:32,680
I'm on my new app.

321
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,040
Your what?

322
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,440
It's my new app on my phone, it's a metal detecting app.

323
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:41,520
It's great. You can go on different historical sites to detect.

324
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,720
I'm currently on Hadrian's Wall.

325
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,440
Well, now I've seen everything.

326
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:50,280
Oh! Here we go. Good signal, 12.5.

327
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,400
It's deep.

328
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:11,320
Ah! Roman Centurion's helmet. Good condition.

329
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,280
I'm keeping it.

330
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:24,240
So, did Andy tell you who's been snooping around?

331
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,280
Who?

332
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,960
- Simon and Garfunkel. 
- What, the Antiquisearchers?

333
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,200
Didn't they change their name to something ridiculous?

334
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:34,240
The Dirt Sharks.

335
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:43,600
Right, well, there you go, then. It's decided.

336
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,240
We are no longer the Dirt Sharks.

337
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,320
What are we?

338
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,680
Terra Firma.

339
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:50,720
Yes.

340
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,040
But we're spelling Terra the proper Latin way,

341
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,880
not the way you want to spell it.

342
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:57,600
It's scarier my way.

343
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,720
Right then, new name, new start.

344
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,640
This year, I am determined, will be the year

345
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,400
we are finally accepted onto a proper organised rally.

346
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,320
And when we are, I want us to be prepared.

347
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,040
- I want to see the Dirt Sharks... 
- Terra Firma.

348
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:18,720
I want to see Terra Firma get the best finds in every category.

349
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,440
Gavin, what are you going to find?

350
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:26,360
James I, hammered groat.

351
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:27,680
Is it real?

352
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,960
I think so. I got it on eBay.

353
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,720
How deep will it be?

354
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:32,760
Four, five inches.

355
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:33,960
Reading?

356
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,920
53. A bit scratchy.

357
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,280
Nice. Michael?

358
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,360
Be realistic.

359
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:50,560
So I said, "If that turns out to be the case,

360
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:55,720
"I will change my name by deed poll to Belinda Carlisle."

361
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,360
What a wonderful story!

362
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,840
True as I'm sitting here now.

363
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,000
That restores your faith in humanity, doesn't it?

364
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,360
Another cup of tea, Belinda?

365
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:16,840
There she goes.

366
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,000
You know...

367
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,880
she has got the timing of Ken Dodd, that one.

368
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,600
I'll give you that one, Sheila.

369
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:27,400
We have a laugh, don't we, eh?

370
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,400
You idiot!

371
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,120
How can you get it so wrong?

372
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,600
I just thought...

373
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,480
What? What?

374
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,560
It doesn't matter.

375
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,560
Why don't you think before you open your mouth?

376
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:57,600
Knobhead.

377
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:06,240
Well, we've had a very busy week.

378
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:11,800
After a typically infuriating encounter with those two goons from the DMDC,

379
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:16,760
Paul and I decided to drop in on the landowner,

380
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,560
- see if we couldn't... 
- Butter him up.

381
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,920
Curry favour, I was going to say.

382
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,200
And the information he gave us was...

383
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:28,240
Weapons grade.

384
00:22:28,240 --> 00:22:30,080
Can you stop interrupting, please?

385
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:36,440
Turns out the church farm has been acquired by a solar energy company.

386
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,880
They're due to start converting the land in just under five weeks.

387
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,800
So did he give you permission?

388
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,280
He didn't, no.

389
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:52,920
But Photon Harvest Solar Electricity did. Paul's idea.

390
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,640
Cut out the middleman, go straight to the top,

391
00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,080
offer them a service they can't live without.

392
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,440
What service?

393
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:03,040
Obstruction clearance, farm machinery, unexploded bombs.

394
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:04,080
That was my idea.

395
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,920
I just said it was your idea.

396
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:11,240
I gave you credit about two seconds ago, you don't have to repeat it.

397
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,240
Well, it was when I mentioned unexploded bombs,

398
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,200
and what happened to that idiot Terry Seymour

399
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,880
a couple of years ago, that their ears pricked right up.

400
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:27,680
And the permission, ladies and gentlemen,

401
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,320
- is...
- Ours.

402
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,000
Oh, God!

403
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,040
Are you the metal detectors?

404
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,080
Are we THE metal detectors?

405
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,800
Bloke I spoke to on the phone?

406
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:49,960
No.

407
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,440
Oh, right, we got some.

408
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:52,640
Some what?

409
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,160
We got some metal detectors who can do all this, so we don't need you.

410
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:57,720
Sorry wait, what?

411
00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:01,600
We've got five weeks until this farm's converted.

412
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,240
Five weeks till the panels go up.

413
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,160
We've acquired the land, we need someone to get rid of the obstructions.

414
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,640
What, and you've got your own detectorists to do it for you?

415
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,120
They're freelance. They wrote to us, we've employed them.

416
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:12,360
What are they called?

417
00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:15,160
A company called...Terra Firma.

418
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:16,560
Never heard of 'em.

419
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,360
And when are they showing up?

420
00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:20,680
Well, I thought they were going to be here,

421
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,280
I was supposed to meet them. I thought you were them.

422
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,320
You are kidding me!

423
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,640
Are you the metal detectors?

424
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:47,120
Indeed we are. Terra Firma at your service, sir.

425
00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:49,640
And I can see from our friends' faces,

426
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,400
they've heard the good news.

427
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,400
It's a sneaky bloody trick.

428
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,840
Quite the opposite, in fact.

429
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,400
We've been through all the correct channels,

430
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,680
as can be proved with this paper trail.

431
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,760
We've been on this farm five years.

432
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,680
Can't you all do it? I don't care if they do it as well.

433
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,480
No, no, no, no, no, no.

434
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:11,400
You gave us the permission, as stated in this email.

435
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,880
We have the permission of the landowner.

436
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,080
Overruled, actually.

437
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,520
Oh, come on, there's only four of you and 300 acres.

438
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,280
Why can't you all work together?

439
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,160
We gave them a chance to share and they turned it down.

440
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:24,800
Why should we? We got here first.

441
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,160
We got here first. Why should we share it with you?

442
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,080
- You should share.
- Shut up. 
- You shut up.

443
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:32,280
Jesus, it's like a school playground.

444
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:33,920
How old are you lot?

445
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:35,760
Look, we'll do it first come, first served.

446
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,160
Whoever gets here first gets the choice of their field.

447
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:39,360
Not fair.

448
00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:42,200
Oh, all right, well, you can all sling your hooks, I don't care!

449
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,160
Hang on, hang on, wait. I can go along with that.

450
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,320
First come, first served.

451
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,200
OK.

452
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,560
See, we don't have to behave like kids.

453
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,720
Yeah, but after we've chosen the field,

454
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:04,360
there is an invisible force field all the way around

455
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:06,080
and you cannot enter it.

456
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:07,680
What if we haven't got our detectors?

457
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,000
It's impenetrable - impenetrable force field.

458
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,240
Right. Now shake hands.

459
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:13,520
No way.

460
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,000
Never.

461
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,840
Childish.

462
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,520
I know you are. What am I?

463
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,200
Huh?

464
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,160
GROANING

465
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:42,240
Feeling any better?

466
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:43,720
I think so.

467
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,680
Did it all come up?

468
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,280
I saw some fish eating it.

469
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:54,560
Did you?

470
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:56,880
Yeah.