1
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,760
They're in that same spot again.

2
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,440
I've definitely found something.

3
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:14,160
There's something going on.

4
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,960
Is it ready?

5
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,560
Lights on.

6
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,320
Right.

7
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,760
Give me the control.

8
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:26,400
All right. Gently does it.

9
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,800
I'm lifting off in-a three, two, one.

10
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:36,960
Up she goes.

11
00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,400
How do you make it steady,

12
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,200
stop it going up?

13
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,960
Just let go of the joystick.

14
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,520
Still going up.

15
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,040
Yep. Just try flicking it down.

16
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,040
Still going up, is it?

17
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:00,480
Yep.

18
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,760
Yeah, that's really high now. How high is it supposed to go?

19
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:05,920
Well, how am I supposed to know? It's not responding.

20
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:07,440
How do you make it come down?

21
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,160
Here, let me see.

22
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,640
- Can you see it?
- Only just.

23
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,680
No. No, I'm losing it. It's gone.

24
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,680
No... Yeah, yeah, there.

25
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,280
No.

26
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,080
No, I can't see it.

27
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,800
IRONICALLY: Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant!

28
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,520
So, that's it, is it?

29
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,600
It just keeps going until it's in orbit?

30
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,560
HE SIGHS HEAVILY

31
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,080
How long do the batteries last?

32
00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:42,000
20 minutes.

33
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,600
I thought you said you could fly one of these things?

34
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,200
I never said that.

35
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:49,080
Well, why did you keep letting it go up?

36
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,280
I was trying everything. It just wasn't responding.

37
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,200
It just kept going up and up and up.

38
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,400
Well, you can tell that to the insurance company.

39
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,200
- Why me?
- Because, Paul, you're the one I thought said

40
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,680
could fly one of these things.

41
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,760
CRASH! BOTH: Whoa!

42
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,960
Did you see QI this week?

43
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,520
Yeah.

44
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:45,240
Never thought I'd say this but I think I prefer Toksvig to Fry.

45
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,920
Controversial.

46
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:49,280
Well, don't you think she is better?

47
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,040
I'm not prepared to stick my neck out that far, mate.

48
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,880
She's certainly doing a good job.

49
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,280
Big shoes to fill, literally.

50
00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:58,920
Why literally?

51
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,240
Stephen Fry has got big feet.

52
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,040
But she doesn't literally have to wear his shoes.

53
00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,480
- Well, actually, they've got a rule. They...
- Who's this?

54
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:10,760
All right?

55
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,120
- Morning. 
- Metal detectors, are you?

56
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,200
You could say that.

57
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,480
Are you one of them? One of the solar people.

58
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,040
Tree clearance. Getting rid of nuisance trees.

59
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,720
That's quite a slogan.

60
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,520
Your life must be filled with joy.

61
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,800
Eh?

62
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,440
Nothing. Not getting rid of this one, though.

63
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:30,880
Yeah, this one's going. Yeah.

64
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:32,280
What? Why?

65
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,320
What nuisance is this one causing?

66
00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:35,880
Shadow.

67
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,880
One small patch?

68
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:43,160
Yeah, you see, the sun, see, it travels through the sky

69
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,800
and that patch covers half an acre in a day.

70
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:51,120
That's a lot of sunlight all wasted on a tree. See ya.

71
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,200
That's depressing.

72
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,920
Shouldn't we do something about it?

73
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,200
Like what? Save the tree?

74
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,600
Well, shouldn't we?

75
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,880
I mean, we don't want the tree to be cut down.

76
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,960
- No.
- So we should probably try and save it.

77
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:12,600
So how do you save a tree?

78
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,440
Well, traditionally, you chain yourself to it, don't you?

79
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,760
One of us chains ourself to the tree and the other one goes

80
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,720
and gets the press.

81
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,480
Yeah.

82
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,040
I don't know.

83
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,760
Yes, it's a bit embarrassing.

84
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,000
Yeah.

85
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:01,520
Bat box.

86
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:04,880
What's that?

87
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,120
Bat box is what we need to save that tree.

88
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,600
Whack a bat box up there, bats start roosting.

89
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,160
Boom. They can't touch it.

90
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,480
Yeah?

91
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,480
Yeah. It's the same as great crested newts.

92
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,520
You can have a muddy puddle, essentially,

93
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,760
but as soon as one of those slippery bastards rocks up,

94
00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,600
it becomes a Site of Special Scientific Interest.

95
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,920
Scourge of the developer.

96
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,320
All right, well, you should get on to that, then.

97
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:28,520
Build a bat box.

98
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,080
Uh. Maybe I will.

99
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:33,880
Oh, I wish I had a shed.

100
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,440
Oh, yeah. Sorry, mate. I forgot.

101
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,480
What did you do with your tools?

102
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,800
Well, they're in crates in the garage going rusty.

103
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,720
What, you mean you didn't wipe

104
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,920
'em down with an oily rag before you put 'em away?

105
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:53,080
Well, yeah, obviously. I was being dramatic.

106
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:54,640
Oh.

107
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:56,760
I see.

108
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,120
What you got?

109
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,920
Carpet stair rod holder.

110
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,600
Yeah. I've had a couple of them.

111
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,280
Must have been a flight of stairs here somewhere.

112
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,080
Hello?

113
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,760
Toni?

114
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,160
Hi, Kate. What are you doing here?

115
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,000
I don't know which is the front door.

116
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,240
Come down this end.

117
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,000
Oh, don't I need to say something?

118
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,000
Like, to be invited on board.

119
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,000
You're thinking of vampires.

120
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,120
Oh.

121
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:56,120
Ooh!

122
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,240
Oops. Thanks.

123
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:06,080
- This place is amazing.
- Thanks. It was my grandparents'.

124
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,680
No way. How long have you lived on it?

125
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:11,840
- About three years. 
- And it makes my dad heave.

126
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,720
He hasn't even got this far.

127
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,560
He doesn't even like looking at it from dry land.

128
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,680
You know he's only ever seen the sea once.

129
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,400
- He told me that. 
- Don't expect beach holidays.

130
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,680
I'm not expecting anything.

131
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,440
I'm going to move out of my dad's flat.

132
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,040
I'm going to find my own place.

133
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,160
- Why? He likes you being there. 
- Yeah, I know.

134
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,680
That's why I've stayed so long.

135
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,840
He's afraid I'm going to disappear again,

136
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,480
which is I haven't told him yet.

137
00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,440
So why are you telling me?

138
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,400
I just want you to know that I won't be around all the time.

139
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:43,760
I won't be in your way.

140
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:47,520
You've never been in my way. That's not fair, Kate.

141
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,320
Don't do anything on my account, because I don't even know

142
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,200
if your dad and I are still seeing each other.

143
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,680
Please don't break up with my dad. He thinks the world of you.

144
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:58,880
- Kate...
- He let Maggie stay because he's a kind and decent guy.

145
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,040
- Did he send you here?
- Yeah.

146
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,960
He said, "Nip down and tell Toni that I'm a kind and decent guy."

147
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,160
No, of course not.

148
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,680
I just felt bad because I'm the one who let her in the flat.

149
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,120
I didn't know who she was.

150
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,400
Look, Kate. I... I don't want to discuss it with you.

151
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,720
Your dad and I will either sort it out or we won't

152
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:17,560
but I don't need advice or character references, thanks.

153
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,120
I know he's a decent guy, that's why I'm going out with him.

154
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,480
So you've not broken up?

155
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:24,120
Shut up, please! I don't want to talk about it with you.

156
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:27,160
I feel like I'm back at sixth form talking about boyfriends.

157
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:28,840
I'm too old for this.

158
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,200
All right. I'll back off.

159
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,240
I've said my bit.

160
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,400
I just worry about him, you know?

161
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:35,640
I know.

162
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:39,200
Huh! I love your ship.

163
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,120
It's a boat, really.

164
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:44,720
I love it. I'll see ya.

165
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,720
Steve, can I find a safe home for this?

166
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,080
What's that, a porcupine?

167
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,360
Porcupine? You serious? It's a hedgehog.

168
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,960
I thought hedgehogs were flat.

169
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:30,200
The squashed, dead ones are flat. The live ones are...spherical.

170
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,960
All right, Richard Attenborough.

171
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:33,480
It's David.

172
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,240
Oh, I'm sorry. Been calling you Andy.

173
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:06,920
INDISTINCT VOICES

174
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,360
Grab this for me, mate?

175
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,840
Oh, sorry, mate. I'm not actually...

176
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,480
Come on! It's killing me.

177
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:53,640
Hello.

178
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,480
Hey.

179
00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,200
What's in the crate?

180
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,280
Please step away from the crate.

181
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,800
Kate came to see me, did she tell you?

182
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,360
To your place? What for?

183
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:21,440
To tell me what a swell prince of a guy you are.

184
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:23,600
I'm not that great.

185
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:24,640
That's what I said.

186
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:26,960
- She come aboard?
- Yep.

187
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,960
- Did she puke?
- No.

188
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:30,360
- Turn a pallid yellow?
- No.

189
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:32,920
Not hereditary, then.

190
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,200
The reason I let Maggie stay was cos

191
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,320
I don't have any feelings for her anymore.

192
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:47,360
I could just treat her as a guest, but with you,

193
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,760
I'd want it to be just us.

194
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,960
OK. That's quite sweet.

195
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,320
Yeah? Shall I go on?

196
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,680
See what happens.

197
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,000
Well, that was it, really.

198
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,440
Kate's got her own room. She wouldn't disturb us.

199
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,440
Well, that's not it, is it?

200
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,680
I mean, the thing is, would we disturb her?

201
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,000
Huh?

202
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,320
You know?

203
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:15,880
Not really.

204
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,000
Well, it's a question of acoustics.

205
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,920
Acoustics?

206
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,840
Oh, God, you know, soundproofing.

207
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,520
The thought of Kate hearing any goings-on.

208
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,040
Don't laugh.

209
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:33,600
It's hard enough as it is, you know what I mean, it's awkward.

210
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,440
So what are you thinking, egg boxes?

211
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,560
I was thinking egg boxes, actually,

212
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:40,160
cos there's a stack of 'em in the warehouse.

213
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,400
Big sheets of 'em.

214
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:48,560
I...I can't tell her to leave. I just can't do it.

215
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:53,240
You know what?

216
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:55,960
I think she might be ready to go but she thinks you'll be upset.

217
00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:58,920
What makes you think that?

218
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,400
She told me.

219
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,720
She told me she was going to start looking for a place of her own.

220
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,200
Where? Here?

221
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,800
Oh, close by. Yeah.

222
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,000
Oh, well, that's... that's different.

223
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,880
I mean, if she wants to,

224
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,920
I mean, I just didn't want it to come from me, but...

225
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,080
I could help her to look for a place, if it's around here,

226
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,520
she doesn't have much stuff, she doesn't need much space.

227
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,120
And then what?

228
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,680
You could move in, if you want.

229
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,800
OK. Do you want?

230
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:35,760
I do.

231
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,200
I'm not selling my boat, though.

232
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:38,600
You don't have to.

233
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,400
I'll be able to find a tenant, although it is very small.

234
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:47,960
Well, you know, let's see if Kate can find somewhere for herself

235
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:50,800
and then you could advertise for a tenant.

236
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,400
That's probably the obvious thing to do.

237
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,640
Yes. Yes, I think so.

238
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,440
Cheers, Ray.

239
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:16,880
PHONE VIBRATES

240
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,600
Phone!

241
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,680
The thing is, there's this house.

242
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,480
I found this house and I think it could be amazing.

243
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:33,600
- Who's that?
- Da-da. 
- Hello?

244
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,600
The thing is there's this house.

245
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,600
Are you on your way back? You on the way home?

246
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,000
I found this house and I think it could be amazing.

247
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,360
Andy?

248
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,880
I found this amazing place.

249
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,760
- Andy? 
- I've found a house. I found a house.

250
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,560
Let's listen to Daddy talking to himself.

251
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,360
I found this house, Becky. I found this...

252
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,800
Becky, I found a house. I've...

253
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:59,080
I've found this house and I think it could be within our means.

254
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,680
There's a lot of work to do on it but I could do the work myself.

255
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:03,680
In fact, I think that's what I want to do.

256
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,760
The only thing is I've quit my job.

257
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,880
I have to tell you at this point, though, Becky...

258
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,520
Not at this point, it's stupid.

259
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:15,080
I have to come clean, Becky. I quit my job.

260
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,960
Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

261
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:23,640
Hello?

262
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,040
VOICE ECHOES ON PHONE

263
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,440
Anybody home?

264
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,280
What?

265
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,400
VOICE ECHOES ON PHONE

266
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:44,920
Hello?

267
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,520
Have a nice day?

268
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,040
And my mum knew?

269
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,880
Yeah.

270
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,600
That doesn't make it all right.

271
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,960
- Half makes it all right. 
- No, it doesn't.

272
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,640
You wait till you see this house. That will make it all right.

273
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:08,400
- So tell me what it's like.
- No.

274
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,680
I want to know your first impression.

275
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,640
But you have to imagine what it could be,

276
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,640
so don't look at the holes in the roof or the broken window.

277
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,120
So my second impression?

278
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,360
Yeah. I want to know your second impression.

279
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,080
How can we afford a house?

280
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,800
It's an auction and there's no reserve,

281
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,560
so we just take what we've got and bid what we can afford.

282
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,120
We haven't got anything.

283
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,520
We've got some savings.

284
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,200
Andy, we've got ten grand.

285
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,320
That buys a deposit on a flat, not a three-bedroom cottage in

286
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,960
half an acre of land.

287
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,520
Well, if you don't try, we'll never know.

288
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:38,880
You're a dreamer.

289
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:42,680
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

290
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,120
- I hope some day... 
- I get it.

291
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:50,560
Imagine.

292
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:53,000
Oh, Andy, what have you fallen in love with?

293
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,480
It's beautiful, isn't it? I mean, it could be.

294
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,720
Who's going to do the work? You?

295
00:17:58,720 --> 00:17:59,960
Yeah.

296
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:03,440
- Single-handed?
- Single-handed, baby. That's what I want to do.

297
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,160
I'll be a full-time hobbyist.

298
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,160
I'll take Stan to school, I'll pick him up

299
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,840
and in-between I'll build us a house with roses round the door.

300
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,560
I haven't seen you so enthused since we got back from Africa.

301
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:14,760
So, what? You'd give up archaeology?

302
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,840
Yeah. For a couple of years, I would.

303
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:20,680
And then I'll have time to fix the shingles, I'll have time to fix

304
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:24,240
the door, I'll have time to oil the hinges and to mend the windows...

305
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,480
Shut up! I get it. Go and find Stan.

306
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,000
There could be bear traps or a hidden well.

307
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,680
I'd pay extra for a hidden well.

308
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,200
Bucket it! Bucket it!

309
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,240
So, you been to an auction before?

310
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,800
No, I but I see 'em every day on TV.

311
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,720
Homes Under The Hammer, Property Lottery, Auctions-Auctions-Auctions.

312
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:32,240
You got the Auctions Channel?

313
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:33,960
No.

314
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,200
Well, all you need is confidence.

315
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,000
Exactly.

316
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,320
So, how much cash you got?

317
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:42,720
About 12 grand.

318
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:47,320
Bloody hell. Well, you're going to need more than confidence, then.

319
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,400
Here, you fancy moving on to a houseboat?

320
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,000
Well, that would be a brilliant move with a two-year-old.

321
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,760
Toni's looking for a tenant so she can move in with me.

322
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:59,760
- Yeah?
- Hmm. So if you hear of anyone looking for somewhere.

323
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,280
What about Kate?

324
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:06,600
Good idea. Yeah. I'll ask her if she knows anyone.

325
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:13,520
Wait a minute! I've come up with an even better idea.

326
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,840
- I am a genius.
- Go on.

327
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:20,520
Kate could move on to the narrowboat and they could do a straight swap.

328
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,480
That is a good idea. I wish I'd thought of that.

329
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,280
Yeah. Yeah.

330
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:29,040
She doesn't get seasick like me, doesn't have much stuff

331
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:30,680
and she loves the boat.

332
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,560
Like, I say, I wish I'd thought of that.

333
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,600
Housing problem fixed.

334
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,960
It looks like I've come up with the perfect solution.

335
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,360
Couldn't come up with a few grand for me, could you?

336
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:44,400
Yeah. We just gotta find it. A pot of gold.

337
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:46,680
We've got a week.

338
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,920
Oh, bollocks. We're too late.

339
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,560
They've sealed it off.

340
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:57,600
Damn!

341
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,360
They must have come some time after we left.

342
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,320
If only we got here before they put this up.

343
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,600
Ah, well. At least we tried.

344
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,440
Hang on.

345
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:10,480
What?

346
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,480
There's no-one around for miles.

347
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,440
What you saying?

348
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,400
I don't know. It's just...

349
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,160
Oh, nothing, nothing.

350
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,760
No, go on. What are you thinking?

351
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,040
I reckon I could get under that tape.

352
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,880
What, you...?

353
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,720
I know, you're right. It's stupid.

354
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:34,600
No.

355
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,360
No, I reckon you're on to something.

356
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,280
Keep watch.

357
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:29,480
Done?

358
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,920
Felt good, didn't it, being an activist?

359
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,680
We were like ninjas, environmental ninjas.

360
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,680
Yeah. So, when do the bats turn up?

361
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:49,760
I don't know, tonight?

362
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,080
Oh, well, you reckon they'll move straight in?

363
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,960
I haven't really thought about it.

364
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,600
I suppose it takes a while, doesn't it, for them to find the boxes?

365
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,600
Oh, here we are, look. 24-hour bat helpline.

366
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:02,960
Shut up, there isn't.

367
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,520
There bloody is, look. Bat Action Trust.

368
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:09,320
"After hours our calls are redirected to bat volunteers."

369
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:10,360
Do it.

370
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,560
Hello. Er...

371
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,560
I'm on hold.

372
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:21,840
Busy time.

373
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,200
Oh, it's ringing.

374
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,080
- INTERFERENCE IN HEADPHONES 
- Ah!

375
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:31,760
Paul, turn your phone off. Paul!

376
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,560
Can you switch your phone to airplane mode, please?

377
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,720
It's interfering with my Arado.

378
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:39,760
PHONE VIBRATES

379
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,880
Hello? 24-hour bat helpline. How can I help?

380
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,040
Oh, yes.

381
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,600
I've got a bat question for you, uh, a bat query for you.

382
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,600
Oh, I'll certainly do my best to help.

383
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,840
What's the nature of your bat enquiry?

384
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,320
Yeah. Well, basically, we've installed a bat box.

385
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,560
How soon can we expect the bats to turn up?

386
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:04,120
Well, ideally, you want to plant some wild flowers that will attract

387
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:06,440
the insects and invertebrates upon which the bats feed,

388
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,760
or, as we like to say, provide bed and breakfast.

389
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,000
Oh, yeah, bed and breakfast.

390
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,280
Yeah, we haven't got time for any of that, so...

391
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,040
what's the quickest we could expect them to...

392
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,080
What's the world record?

393
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,320
Can you hurry up, please?

394
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:21,760
It's the bat phone.

395
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,600
Well, why has it come through to you?

396
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,760
I'm further up the list than you are.

397
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,560
Yep. Well, it's entirely possible the bats may have already used

398
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,040
the tree to roost.

399
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,880
Look, I got a missed call. It's supposed to be for me.

400
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:33,920
Let me speak to him.

401
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,240
And where's this tree situated?

402
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:39,800
Let me speak to him.

403
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:40,840
But that's...

404
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,680
Hello, there. Bat Action Trust.

405
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,120
24-hour bat helpline. You're through to Philip Peters.

406
00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:48,280
Sorry about that.

407
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,560
A bit of a mix-up with the old switchboard.

408
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,840
You're now through to a more senior member. Hello?

409
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,360
Uh, nobody there.

410
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,520
What? No. What?

411
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:07,640
You're not telling us that you two are the...the bat man.

412
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,440
Oh, I see. Another hoax call, is it?

413
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,440
You pull that stunt with one of the other emergency services,

414
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:15,480
you get arrested.

415
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:17,800
Come on, Paul.

416
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,320
No.

417
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:20,480
Pardon?

418
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,120
No, Phil. This looks real.

419
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:25,120
I think these guys need our help.

420
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:26,960
Let me see your bat credentials.

421
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,160
It's genuine.

422
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,680
Where's this tree?

423
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:41,720
Back up there.

424
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,800
- Could be bats there already. 
- Yeah?

425
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,040
- Yeah. A good area for bats. 
- How do we find out?

426
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,400
I'll have to come back, bring my detector.

427
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:54,840
Bat detector?

428
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,120
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The...the...the...

429
00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:58,240
hold on.

430
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,000
Found a way we can be useful to you, have we?

431
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:03,640
Oh, here we go.

432
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:05,240
What do we get out of it?

433
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,680
- What do you mean? 
- You get to save a tree.

434
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:09,080
The Bat Action Trust...

435
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,240
Oh, BAT, I just got that.

436
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,080
Oh, that's clever. Is that another one of yours?

437
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:17,640
The Bat Action Trust gives Paul and I the authority to slap

438
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:21,120
a temporary preservation order on any tree we want,

439
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:25,240
providing, of course, we both agree that it is of special interest.

440
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:30,280
So, I shall ask again, what do we get out of it?

441
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:32,320
What do you want?

442
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:34,440
We want that field.

443
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:42,120
Sly bastards.

444
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:45,680
We can't.

445
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,200
Oh... I couldn't stand it.

446
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,520
Imagine if he was to find the rest of my hoard with his crappy Arado.

447
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:55,560
No. I'd rather nobody found it.

448
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,320
Well, nobody will have a chance in a week.

449
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,080
Maybe it's time to open it up, get everybody down here,

450
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,080
next weekend before we lose it.

451
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,320
Oh, I don't know.

452
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,320
A week to find it, mate.

453
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:11,440
Oh, I know it's there.

454
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:14,360
Under our feet.

455
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:19,080
Under the lonely earth, waiting for us.

456
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:23,800
FLASK KNOCKS AGAINST TREE

457
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,040
JANGLING ABOVE