1 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:28,230 That's good is it, the drinking? 2 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:31,230 Mmm. As long as it doesn't run away with you. 3 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,970 It's been a bumpy month or two. 4 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,320 Sunshine in a glass. 5 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:40,750 Oh, hello darlings. 6 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,550 I've just sat down. Good day at work? 7 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,310 I X-rayed a woman who had a fur-ball stuck in her oesophagus. 8 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:48,990 We think she's been licking her cat. 9 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:52,190 Yeah and I can't talk about my work, it's confidential. 10 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,390 - Thank goodness. - Except to say that... 11 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:55,550 Here we go. 12 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,790 There's one less shoplifter called Alexis Spiliotopoulos. 13 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,190 Oh, I'm proud of you darling. 14 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:05,230 Just don't do anything brave, please, ever. 15 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,800 Oh telegram from Larry from Athens. Postman gave me it. 16 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,790 "Athens is fulgent." 17 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:18,190 "Met Indian Prince JeeJeebuoy." 18 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:22,270 - "He arrives tomorrow, short stay." - We've a prince coming to stay?! 19 00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,670 I hope his immigration papers are in order. 20 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,030 A tiara does not constitute a valid passport. 21 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:30,470 But royalty! Maybe he'll come on an elephant. 22 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:34,630 We're not making any concessions just because he's a, a silly prince. 23 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:39,960 But no harm in a quick spring clean. 24 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:47,480 Oh, yes good. You three can start on the garden. 25 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:46,430 - Ooh, please check Roger for fleas. - I'm studying. 26 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:50,240 Thank you. I'm so pleased, finally. 27 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,910 We're immune. Don't want to give minor royalty a rash. 28 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,320 There we are. 29 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,870 Typical of Larry to dump someone on us. 30 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:07,310 - We did live in India after all. - Well, I'm going to work. 31 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,910 Leslie was born in India, Lugaretzia, in the Punjab. 32 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,550 You are Indian? 33 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:16,150 Well, not really, but it's all fluid, isn't it, these days. 34 00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,510 We're here, Margo's boyfriend is Turkish, 35 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,640 and Leslie's having a baby with a Greek girl. 36 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,470 Do try to get to know Daphne better, 37 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,870 especially now that you've got a responsible job you can be proud of. 38 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:36,190 I've tried, but her family are so angry with me for not marrying her. 39 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:38,150 I can't do any more. 40 00:03:43,380 --> 00:03:47,750 Good morning, officer. Don't you dare kick my wheels. 41 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,110 'Policed' to meet you! 42 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,390 Mrs Durrell, Margo says you have a maharaja coming to stay. 43 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,750 Yes, Larry's started picking up exotic friends. 44 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,550 - Why stop at exotic animals? - I come bearing shrimps. 45 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,670 Perfect! I can make shrimp mango pulao for Prince JeeJeebuoy. 46 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,790 No, they're for Gerry's flamingos. 47 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:09,030 Shall I get you Champagne for your special visitor? 48 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,360 No, no, no! He will live like the rest of us. 49 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,230 Actually, Larry might like some. 50 00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:21,030 So yes, thank you. Do pick up a crate. 51 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,070 Die, you old bastard. 52 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,240 Hardest bed ever. 53 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,080 All gone wrong... 54 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,720 Captain Creech? 55 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,750 Captain Creech! 56 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,510 Yes. Only just. 57 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:08,150 - Can I help you up? - What's the point? 58 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,800 Perhaps I could find you a nicer gutter, with a view? 59 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:18,270 We will feed one shrimps, the other not, 60 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:19,950 to see if it affects their colour. 61 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,590 Are there many animals whose colour changes with what they eat? 62 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:28,150 Yes. Salmon. Goldfinches. Also from carotenoids. 63 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,390 You know, she's stopped fretting about my education 64 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,990 now I take my books with me everywhere. 65 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:39,960 What's really in there, dormice? A weasel? 66 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,630 So, how do you end up here? 67 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,510 Oh... Chasing a popsy. 68 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,190 Mellifluous arse. 69 00:05:56,240 --> 00:06:00,830 Bosoms lagging far behind, perfectly acceptable. 70 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,600 Aren't you a bit old for that? 71 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,850 It turns out I am. 72 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:10,920 So many luscious beauties have slipped through my fingers. 73 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,910 How is your mother? 74 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,910 Fidgety at the prospect of grandmother-hood, 75 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,440 otherwise rather well. 76 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:25,510 I'm at rock bottom. I don't have a pot to piss in. 77 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:29,260 Although out the window works just as well, I find. 78 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:36,030 I hate to sound like a bank manager, but, haven't you any savings put by? 79 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:39,160 I, I have my boat in Corfu... 80 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,840 .. and what I stand up in. 81 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,840 I tried to kill myself, you know. 82 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,240 I couldn't. 83 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,550 That's ironic. I imagine many people have wanted to kill you over the years! 84 00:07:29,140 --> 00:07:30,030 Relax! 85 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:33,670 He'll probably be one of those modern royals who love normality. 86 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,990 It's not normal here. There's a zoo. 87 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,310 Lugaretzia will call him something awful, 88 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,430 and he'll be expecting a lavatory that isn't open to the elements. 89 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,840 - Are you all right? - Yes, of course I am. 90 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:01,950 Gerry! He's just drawn animals and written daft stories. 91 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,670 What do you expect, Latin declensiables? 92 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,710 That's not right, is it. 93 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:13,070 "The huge hairy animal mad a bow", he spells like a half-wit, 94 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:17,430 "Hooly mackrel, a gray baboon, my farverit, he sayed." 95 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:21,550 Gerry, you solemnly promised that you were studying. 96 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,550 There is no actual work here. 97 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:28,030 - Certain is not spelt S-U-R-T-E-N. - It should be though, shouldn't it? 98 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:32,310 It's not good enough! You need the structure of a school. 99 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,830 Where you can make friends with people your own age. 100 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:39,190 I am not going to a horrible English boarding school that smells of fear and sick. 101 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:43,880 No, of course you're not. I'll find you a school here. 102 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,240 Royalty, coming up the garden path! 103 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:29,110 Hello. You must be Mrs Durrell. 104 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,440 Such charm. 105 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,160 Leslie, the hunter. 106 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,080 Margo, the beauty of the island. 107 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,840 Naturalist par excellence, Gerry. 108 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,600 And Lugaretiza. 109 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,230 The cleaner! 110 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:55,110 Thank you for letting me stay. It makes me very hot to see you all. 111 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,470 We're honoured to welcome you. 112 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,630 We've had to scrub the house. 113 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,750 The animals have left a lot of worrying stains. 114 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,310 May I offer you a welcoming glass of Champagne, Your Highness? 115 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,830 No! Oh no! 116 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,310 - Have you forgotten something? - Your elephant? 117 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,910 No, it's my foolish name. 118 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,350 My mother named me Prince, 119 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:19,270 her attempt to make our humble family sound royal. 120 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,990 - Oh. - That is brilliant! 121 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:26,310 I'm gonna name my son King. If I'm allowed a say in the name. 122 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,070 - So what do we call you? - My friends call me JeeJee. 123 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:32,360 Shall I give back the rest of the Champagne? 124 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:35,480 No. 125 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:42,640 Mrs Durrell, I'll try to make amends by being a most entertaining guest. 126 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,590 The tiger padded into the room. 127 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:15,110 He froze hoping that if he attacked anybody it would be Major Ponsonby, 128 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:19,470 whom nobody liked, but it turned towards me. 129 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,950 I vowed that if I escaped, 130 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,080 I would live as if each day were my last. 131 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,670 Why is he such a joy? 132 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:36,350 He loves life, and he's on the side of the angels. 133 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,430 Gerry, you have a beautiful future. 134 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,790 You understand that animals are our simpler, better selves. 135 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,590 They teach us so much, 136 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:48,350 from how to sit quietly, to how to eat a fruit with elegance. 137 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,070 I don't think Mother agrees with you. 138 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:54,670 That's not fair. I've given you freedom most boys only dream about. 139 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,990 So why take it away now? 140 00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:59,470 It's a school, not a house of correction. 141 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,640 What's the difference? 142 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,590 The age-old dichotomy between formal education 143 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:11,070 and learning from what my mother calls 'fannying about'. 144 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:17,310 Yes, none of my children liked school. 145 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:21,030 Leslie took his uniform into the garden and shot it. 146 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:24,510 You've created a special family. 147 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:26,790 Yes, I have, haven't I? 148 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,350 Thank you. 149 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,790 I'm remembering how lovely it can be to have guests. 150 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,110 - JEEJEE! - Larry! 151 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,190 Thank you! I love your family! 152 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,240 No, these aren't mine. You've come to the wrong house. 153 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:51,110 Humour as a deflective modesty reflex! 154 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,640 Yes! Yes! 155 00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,120 How was Athens? 156 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,350 Full of good things. 157 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:03,600 I loved the old ruins so much, I bought one back. 158 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,830 - He's homeless and destitute. - Yes, of course he is! 159 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:15,150 He's a drunken old lech. Nobody wants him in their house. 160 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,870 - I found him at death's door. - Shall I bury him in the quarry? 161 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,910 No. 162 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,670 Oh! Nice to be talked about. 163 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,550 Or are you discussing how to get rid of me? 164 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:32,350 - That's one of the choices. - Tell Mother about karma. 165 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:36,960 Rebuff him, and it may come back to bite you in the afterlife. 166 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:43,310 It's rather full here, but you can stay for a day or two. 167 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,310 You'll have to have Gerry's room, 168 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,320 With the bugs and the rotting stuffed bat. 169 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,280 Ah! Is that a barely crested grebe? 170 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:15,310 By then, the water was up to my arsehole, 171 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,950 a soothing balm for my dysentery, 172 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,070 but bad news in the middle of cocking Baffin Bay. 173 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:26,470 Talk about a grim Northwest Passage 'ey! 174 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,680 I fear these need a scrub, my dear. 175 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:06,990 English today. I must practise. I do not like to arrest people. 176 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,230 - Are you in the right job? - No! 177 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,590 But being a baker turned me into a whale. 178 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,040 - Come on, trot along! - No! 179 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,880 Daphne... 180 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:33,750 - I want us to be friends. - How could we? You are abandoning me. 181 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,230 I'm not. 182 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,270 So marry me, then the baby can have a respectable life. 183 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,280 But that's not fair. 184 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,400 Daphne... 185 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,670 Mrs Durrell! Nothing medical, I hope? 186 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,430 I'm very well. Although less so now Captain Creech is staying with us. 187 00:16:01,980 --> 00:16:03,590 Well this will cheer you up. Look. 188 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:07,670 We had a quiet day at work so we X-rayed a rabbit wearing glasses. 189 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:15,270 Can I ask your advice about Gerry? I want to find him a local school. 190 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,960 - Oh. - And this is a fish with an earring. 191 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,040 Let's try to look like professionals. 192 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,230 As you know, Gerry hated school in England, 193 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:35,030 so I need somewhere that's welcoming, but not too lax. 194 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,790 - And sporty, because his interests are a bit narrow. - Mrs Durrell... 195 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,270 He loves writing so a school with a creative ethos would be... 196 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,310 There's only one school he can go to. 197 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,310 - Oh. - The nearest one. 198 00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,390 You'll both have to be interviewed by the headmistress, 199 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,230 who will test Gerry's Greek. 200 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,230 Ah. I love having him round the house. 201 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:58,190 - But, school's a good idea, isn't it? - Why not? He's fiercely intelligent. 202 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:01,040 Anywhere would be lucky to have him. 203 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,270 Let's leave it. If they're not sleeping, they're shouting. 204 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,160 You can't just leave it. 205 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:28,630 Nope. 206 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,830 Mrs Petridis, have you mislaid a baby? 207 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:37,230 Thank you! I put him in the shade but I couldn't remember where. 208 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,470 At least he didn't roll down a hill this time. 209 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:43,320 - I won't charge you with neglect on this occasion. - Thank you. 210 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,550 I am restored! Ha! 211 00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:00,150 Good. Well, do try to stay on the straight and narrow. 212 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,270 Well, I will, if you will. 213 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:07,550 We er, both have er, bent for er, 214 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,870 liquid indulgence. 215 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:13,230 Oh, I think she's an amateur compared to you. 216 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,470 So, who will buy my boat? 217 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,710 I've never seen the appeal. 218 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:22,630 Water. Wind. Seagulls. Chunky knitwear. 219 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:26,030 Oh, don't listen. Les and I are dying to do some sailing. 220 00:18:26,580 --> 00:18:27,530 Oh! 221 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:32,680 Oh! I like you more and more my boy. 222 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,750 There! Twenty pounds. 223 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,670 Go on! Arrest me. I'm robbing myself. 224 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,270 It's not even worth 20 bob! 225 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,670 - If you knew anything about boats... - I do! I do! 226 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:49,950 .. you would appreciate her solid qualities. 227 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,670 I love it. You suddenly realise you can go anywhere. 228 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,910 - What a fine fella you are. - And this boat's like... 229 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,710 Well, it's like you, Creech, barnacled, leaking... 230 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,790 Yes I, I do do that. 231 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,590 .. but heroically holding onto existence. 232 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:08,910 - I'll buy it. - What?! - Hooray! 233 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,950 - You don't know how to sail! - What an opportunity to start. 234 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,840 - The Captain will teach me. - Will I? Bollocks. 235 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,910 Cheer up. 236 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,510 My brother, having waltzed at the ball with an eminent European lady, 237 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:28,270 led her back to her seat, took her fan and said, 238 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,510 "Madam, may I make wind in your face?" 239 00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:37,990 India enchanted us. 240 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,830 That's why it was hard to settle down in Bournemouth, 241 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:47,550 too many memories of warm nights and fireflies and music, 242 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,270 and your father coming home late from building bridges 243 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:56,680 to find you all in bed, fighting sleep, so you could tell him about your day. 244 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,880 - Applause for the chef! - Well done, Mummy! 245 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:07,030 The curry was just missing some Bombay duck. 246 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,190 - You can't get it on Corfu. - Use a local duck. 247 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,630 It's not duck. It's dried lizardfish. 248 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,830 - I'll find a substitute. - What are your plans after us? 249 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:20,550 I'm en route to Persia to visit a famous holy man, a fakir. 250 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:25,870 To prepare, after this meal, I'll fast for four days to aid meditation into a trance. 251 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,070 I'll fast too. I'm intensely spiritual. 252 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:31,960 I can't fast. I'm too busy righting wrongs out there on the streets. 253 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,950 Creech! I thought it was quiet. 254 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,910 Yes, I've just been er, snoozing off the boozing. 255 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,510 Forgive me, Mrs Durrell, but I think you drink too much. 256 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,910 The body is a precision instrument. 257 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,510 To take alcohol is like pouring treacle into an expensive piano. 258 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,910 Oh, nonsense! Leave the gal alone. 259 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,110 Do you think it's easy trying to run a ship, erm, house? 260 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,790 Thank you. 261 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,310 And now... 262 00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:05,310 Oh right, let's have a sing-song. I'll start off and you join in. 263 00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:06,510 What? 264 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:10,550 ♪ Oh Mary she's a sailor's lass To me hooker John o John 265 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:15,150 ♪ We courted all night on the grass To me Hooker John o John! 266 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:21,190 ♪ Oh Susanna, woa-hoa, way up high Johnny's on the foreyard... 267 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,830 Have you noticed? 268 00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,180 It's like Mother's Good Angel and her Bad Angel. 269 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,610 Wonder who's going to win. 270 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:40,630 He's so skinny, he'll blow into the sea, especially after two days of fasting. 271 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:45,040 I wonder if it's making him less judgemental. 272 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:49,390 It's making him beautifully calm. 273 00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:57,330 I wonder why it's not doing the same to Margo? 274 00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,750 What are you staring at?! 275 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:07,110 Don't kill each other, and stay away from Albania. 276 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:09,390 Watch and learn from me at first. 277 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:11,370 Watch and learn from me at first. 278 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:16,190 I was hungry in the night and I er, ate one of the locusts. 279 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,440 Don't tell the boy. 280 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,670 - No, first pull on the vang. - What's the vang? 281 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:28,670 It's on the end of the gaff. I TOLD you what everything is. 282 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,840 You were too busy posing in your blouse! 283 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,950 I will arrest you if you touch that rope again! 284 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:40,350 This is MY boat, so can you stop, for one second... 285 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:41,990 ... being a policeman? 286 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:43,830 No, fine, no, no fine. 287 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,110 - I'll leave you to it, shall I? - I would adore that. 288 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,280 Yeah. 289 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,470 I don't think you'll find any lizard fish here, 290 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,390 for your Bombay duck thing. 291 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,310 I'll dry whatever I catch. 292 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,470 Let's talk about school. 293 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:23,510 I'm going to test you on your Greek. You must impress your Headmistress. 294 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,390 Or your mother will be broken into two. 295 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,590 - Greek for 'school'? - Skoolopolos? 296 00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,310 - So close! - Really? 297 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:32,830 No. 298 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,430 Greek for 'mathematics'? 299 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:38,350 - Mathonopolous. - Almost there! 300 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:41,110 - Was I? - No. 301 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:46,070 Darling! Please eat something. Fasting doesn't agree with you. 302 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:48,110 No, it's spiritually cleansing. 303 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,760 Well, you did eat five biscuits and lunch yesterday. 304 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,470 This is harder than childbirth. 305 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,120 Right! 306 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,800 Uh! Mmm-mmm! No! 307 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,870 Lugaretzia. 308 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,260 Oh, hello. 309 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,440 Fish... for drying! 310 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,710 You don't like him no more? 311 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:45,120 I do, but I don't like being told off in front of my family. 312 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,960 What's going on down there? 313 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,310 It looks illegal. 314 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:05,470 Never mind, live and let live. 315 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,200 Isn't that Daphne's father? 316 00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:43,710 - Herete, Mr Lykourgo. - Leslie. 317 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,360 Well, Junior Constable Durrell, strictly speaking. 318 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:13,440 Yassas. 319 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,240 JEEJEE! MARGO! 320 00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:46,910 Oh! No wonder he fainted, it smells hideous. 321 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,190 No, it's the fasting. 322 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,270 He's too thin! 323 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:55,590 I'm cooking you a very big lunch. 324 00:26:55,640 --> 00:27:00,350 I'm sure enlightenment is also possible on a full stomach. 325 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,790 - Please tell me to shut up but - Shut up. 326 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,310 Thank you, JeeJee, but I am old enough to make up my own mind. 327 00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:08,030 Of course you are. 328 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:12,390 Now, finish that, er, fizzy tosh, and move on to this. 329 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:17,190 - Oh, I'm fine thank you. - They say it goes with this. 330 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,830 - If you're a girlie. - Oh. 331 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,250 - Leslie! - Hi, JeeJee. 332 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:24,870 There's a stink in the garden. 333 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:28,270 Yes, JeeJee's drying sardines to make Bombay Duck. 334 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,040 Mummy, can I...? 335 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,040 Why are you taking me over here, darling? 336 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:41,910 I found out that Daphne's father is involved in smuggling cigarettes. 337 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,110 - Oh no! - I don't know whether to report him. 338 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:49,630 - Wha, what happens if you don't? - If I'm caught, I'll lose my job. 339 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:53,280 Oh, darling... Come and eat. 340 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,360 Now, try that. 341 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,990 Are you OK, Miss Margo? 342 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:28,280 I was fasting and then I ate a whole pie. 343 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,750 And that's another reason why I love it here. 344 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:40,710 Travellers pass through, you, my Swedish friend Sven, 345 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:44,670 and Hugh, of course, or Huge, depending on who you talk to! 346 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:51,390 Although there was something missing. Oh, and recently in London... 347 00:28:51,940 --> 00:28:53,690 - Spiro. - Hello, JeeJees. 348 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:58,110 - Mrs Durrells, your car awaits. - Oh! Where are we going? 349 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,190 I do love surprises! 350 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,440 I'm taking you and Gerrys to meet the Headmistress of the school. 351 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,510 Oh, I forgot! I'm an idiot. 352 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:10,750 I would advise you to postpone the encounter, Mrs Durrell. 353 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,790 - Or shall we just get it over with? - Yes. 354 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,430 It's vital he gets a bloody good education. 355 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,520 I think the bad angel is winning. 356 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:44,680 Ah... 357 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:52,710 Albania! 358 00:29:53,260 --> 00:29:56,420 No, let's not go that way. 359 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,600 Bugger! 360 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:21,570 It's all Greek to me. 361 00:30:24,020 --> 00:30:24,610 Ooh! 362 00:30:25,660 --> 00:30:27,750 Oh, I do apologise. 363 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:30,670 You know I think, don't you, 364 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:34,200 that a school is, is like a greenhouse. 365 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,830 - Carry on. - Do you want to get some air, Mother? 366 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:43,710 No, no, darling. There's plenty of that in here. 367 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:47,590 My mother has a lot of guests at the moment, 368 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:52,550 and they can be quite a handful, late nights, that kind of thing. 369 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,950 My fakir Andrawathi is an amazing man. 370 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,870 He was once buried alive for 120 days. 371 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:00,310 - Oh, how awful! - No, it was deliberate. 372 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,670 - Oh. - He was in a trance. 373 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,390 - I've experienced it myself. - Is it magical? 374 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:08,430 It is. You feel you're floating. 375 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,910 - Indeed, real levitation does occur. - Wow! 376 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:16,350 It is a paradox that most of us love the world, but wish somehow to escape its bounds. 377 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:20,630 - Like Mother's drinking. - Indeed. I fear I've offended her. 378 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,990 It is after all, another form of trance. 379 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,230 I wonder if she's come out of it yet. 380 00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:29,150 Would I be able to bring my dog Roger in? 381 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,930 - No. - Really? 382 00:31:30,980 --> 00:31:32,970 He's now fully free of fleas. 383 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,040 That's not easy to say! 384 00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:42,140 - I'm afraid you will not be coming to this school. - What? Why? 385 00:31:42,190 --> 00:31:43,770 It is not your son's fault, 386 00:31:43,820 --> 00:31:45,490 though his Greek is limited, 387 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:47,900 it is yours. 388 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,100 Oh, hello dear. 389 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,740 Please, Daphne. May I talk to you? 390 00:32:24,620 --> 00:32:26,060 Yes. 391 00:32:32,860 --> 00:32:36,780 I don't know if your father said anything, about this morning? 392 00:32:38,060 --> 00:32:39,490 He did. 393 00:32:39,540 --> 00:32:42,260 I'm not going to tell anyone. 394 00:32:45,700 --> 00:32:47,050 Thank you. 395 00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:50,890 I won't tell anyone, even if it costs me my job, 396 00:32:50,940 --> 00:32:53,780 because whether you like it or not, we WILL be family. 397 00:32:54,620 --> 00:32:56,730 It's me who wants us to be a real family. 398 00:32:56,780 --> 00:32:59,340 We need to be in love for that. 399 00:33:03,820 --> 00:33:05,570 Bloody teachers! 400 00:33:05,620 --> 00:33:08,610 - Always judging everyone. - I know. Outrageous. 401 00:33:08,660 --> 00:33:12,130 Creech is right, the finger-waggers will always be with us. 402 00:33:12,180 --> 00:33:14,490 A woman can't have a drink now, is that it? 403 00:33:14,540 --> 00:33:18,180 JeeJee's... You need to come. He's in a trance. 404 00:33:27,300 --> 00:33:30,650 Gerry, run upstairs and try to grab him. 405 00:33:30,700 --> 00:33:33,260 Margo, bring cushions. 406 00:33:37,380 --> 00:33:38,940 That doesn't look very safe. 407 00:33:40,780 --> 00:33:42,930 Why don't you and I...? 408 00:33:42,980 --> 00:33:45,220 JeeJee! Oh, God! 409 00:33:51,700 --> 00:33:53,450 Speak to me! 410 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:56,480 Please! 411 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:06,280 There we go. 412 00:34:08,100 --> 00:34:10,460 Let's both try to be more normal. 413 00:34:11,740 --> 00:34:15,010 - Did the pelican get you? - No, he fell onto the pergola. 414 00:34:15,060 --> 00:34:17,660 - I'm going to try it again. - Please don't. 415 00:34:21,820 --> 00:34:22,970 Has anyone seen Larry? 416 00:34:23,020 --> 00:34:26,050 Not since I left him on his boat, which he can't sail. 417 00:34:26,100 --> 00:34:28,660 He was SO annoying I just left him there. 418 00:34:58,620 --> 00:35:01,260 Hello, Albanians. 419 00:35:03,740 --> 00:35:05,770 I am British. 420 00:35:05,820 --> 00:35:08,810 But think of me above all, 421 00:35:08,860 --> 00:35:12,180 as a Friend Of Albania. 422 00:35:39,060 --> 00:35:43,220 It's bloody easy when you know how, isn't it, this sailing? 423 00:35:44,660 --> 00:35:46,850 Bloody easy! 424 00:35:46,900 --> 00:35:49,180 Bloody. Easy. 425 00:35:50,580 --> 00:35:52,340 Hello! 426 00:35:53,980 --> 00:35:55,860 I'm back. Oh! 427 00:36:02,260 --> 00:36:04,970 Sorry, you must have been really worried. 428 00:36:05,020 --> 00:36:07,930 Yes, yes. Don't do that again. 429 00:36:07,980 --> 00:36:12,290 I drifted, but I was in safe hands. Albanians are fantastic people. 430 00:36:12,340 --> 00:36:15,450 Good, let's send Gerry to school there. 431 00:36:15,500 --> 00:36:17,770 He didn't get in? Why? 432 00:36:17,820 --> 00:36:20,570 Did he bang on about bugs or otter crap till she snapped? 433 00:36:20,620 --> 00:36:24,210 No, I ruined it, by turning up drunk. 434 00:36:24,260 --> 00:36:27,930 - Come on, that is quite funny. - No, it's not! 435 00:36:27,980 --> 00:36:32,210 I keep messing up Gerry's education and I've been drinking like a fish 436 00:36:32,260 --> 00:36:35,770 since Auntie died and Leslie made a baby nobody wants, poor little mite. 437 00:36:35,820 --> 00:36:39,410 Exactly, that's why you're drinking, to numb the pain. 438 00:36:39,460 --> 00:36:41,490 You're a fine mother, 439 00:36:41,540 --> 00:36:44,250 and a generous host to whomever I throw at you. 440 00:36:44,300 --> 00:36:48,650 No more guests, please, unless they're like JeeJeebuoy. 441 00:36:48,700 --> 00:36:51,370 He's sweetened our lives so much, 442 00:36:51,420 --> 00:36:54,810 unlike our sailor friend. 443 00:36:54,860 --> 00:36:59,250 I can't for a moment imagine why I listened to Creech over him? 444 00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:01,170 That was stupid. 445 00:37:01,220 --> 00:37:06,050 - Well, I've given up alcohol, again. - I haven't. I need one right now. 446 00:37:06,100 --> 00:37:07,970 I was scared back there. 447 00:37:08,020 --> 00:37:13,050 We're heading for war in Europe, and I panic at the sight of some delightful Albanian fishermen. 448 00:37:14,660 --> 00:37:17,450 That's not me that stinks of fish, is it? 449 00:37:17,500 --> 00:37:19,340 I think it must be, darling. 450 00:37:25,500 --> 00:37:29,450 We are ready to record the results. 451 00:37:29,500 --> 00:37:33,140 It's a black and white photograph, of course, but we'll get the idea. 452 00:37:41,540 --> 00:37:45,050 When you feel the urge to have a tipple, 453 00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:48,380 adopt this meditative position. 454 00:37:49,660 --> 00:37:54,130 Now, think of a word to say over and over. 455 00:37:54,180 --> 00:37:56,420 Something simple. 456 00:37:57,740 --> 00:38:00,570 Grandmother. 457 00:38:00,620 --> 00:38:03,890 - Grand - Don't... say it out loud. 458 00:38:03,940 --> 00:38:07,170 Possibly a word with fewer syllables. 459 00:38:07,220 --> 00:38:08,730 How about 'fish'? 460 00:38:08,780 --> 00:38:12,420 Try something unrelated to what's on your mind. 461 00:38:34,620 --> 00:38:36,850 I was unfair, Gerry. 462 00:38:36,900 --> 00:38:40,250 - You're a lovely writer. - Thank you. 463 00:38:40,300 --> 00:38:42,730 Larry writes to dazzle. 464 00:38:42,780 --> 00:38:47,450 You write to entertain, and your spelling makes me laugh out loud. 465 00:38:49,300 --> 00:38:51,770 This is my scientific report, 466 00:38:51,820 --> 00:38:54,490 to show I'm doing fine without school. 467 00:38:54,540 --> 00:38:57,980 Oh, well thank you. I shall read it with interest. 468 00:39:00,820 --> 00:39:03,210 I'm so sorry for yesterday. 469 00:39:03,260 --> 00:39:06,170 I can't promise I'll never embarrass you again, 470 00:39:06,220 --> 00:39:07,900 but I won't do it for a while! 471 00:39:11,300 --> 00:39:14,090 ~ 472 00:39:18,340 --> 00:39:22,290 - The sardines smell dead. - I know, and Zoltan's coming. 473 00:39:22,340 --> 00:39:25,300 He vomits at the drop of a hat. 474 00:39:51,420 --> 00:39:54,740 Close your eyes and make your chin go floppy. 475 00:39:56,660 --> 00:39:58,980 Chin is floppy. 476 00:40:01,380 --> 00:40:03,250 You do it. 477 00:40:03,300 --> 00:40:07,130 You would benefit from meditation, because you have a stressful job. 478 00:40:07,180 --> 00:40:09,620 Oh! I have. Don't even get me started. 479 00:40:15,460 --> 00:40:18,980 - Quick, quick. - Wait, Margo, please! 480 00:40:21,260 --> 00:40:23,930 Ignore us, Daphne, we're just burying some fish. 481 00:40:31,100 --> 00:40:32,730 Quick! 482 00:40:32,780 --> 00:40:35,340 - Hello, Daphne. - Hello. 483 00:40:42,420 --> 00:40:44,060 Thank you, Leslie. 484 00:40:45,500 --> 00:40:48,370 Hello, Sir. Welcome to the family. 485 00:40:48,420 --> 00:40:53,020 And welcome to mine. I'm not perfect, but my daughter is. 486 00:40:54,380 --> 00:40:56,540 Please... 487 00:41:00,780 --> 00:41:04,620 - Tea for our guests. - Thank you, Lugaretzia. 488 00:41:09,820 --> 00:41:11,730 Oh! Hello! 489 00:41:11,780 --> 00:41:13,050 Hello. Larry? 490 00:41:13,100 --> 00:41:16,420 Larry... Albania! 491 00:41:25,740 --> 00:41:27,530 Champagne? 492 00:41:27,580 --> 00:41:30,090 No, mother's ruin. 493 00:41:32,980 --> 00:41:35,600 No! Kill it! Make a handbag. 494 00:41:37,660 --> 00:41:40,130 I've changed my mind. 495 00:41:40,180 --> 00:41:44,170 I love having guests. What are we humans for otherwise? 496 00:41:44,220 --> 00:41:47,330 Trains moving forward on tracks that never touch. 497 00:41:47,380 --> 00:41:51,980 Mrs Durrells, I was worried about you. 498 00:41:53,700 --> 00:41:55,410 Thank you. 499 00:41:55,460 --> 00:41:58,820 - I'm fine now. - I blame myself for buying the bubbly. 500 00:41:59,460 --> 00:42:01,890 Well, it's all gone now. 501 00:42:01,940 --> 00:42:05,900 And to be honest, I had a back-up vat of cooking sherry. 502 00:42:07,340 --> 00:42:09,020 Er... 503 00:42:11,500 --> 00:42:16,010 Well, er tragically, dear lady, I, I, I must depart. 504 00:42:16,060 --> 00:42:19,290 - Hmm. - You er, saved my life. 505 00:42:19,340 --> 00:42:22,140 Well, that was rather gracious. Thank you. 506 00:42:23,380 --> 00:42:26,410 Anyway, it won't be so much fun round here 507 00:42:26,460 --> 00:42:28,790 now the loopy Indian's buggering off 'ey? 508 00:42:30,340 --> 00:42:32,130 I knew it couldn't last. 509 00:42:32,180 --> 00:42:36,140 As they say at sea, "One should always leave, before they count the cutlery." 510 00:42:37,340 --> 00:42:39,530 And I'm very pleased to tell you, 511 00:42:39,580 --> 00:42:43,450 that I've FINALLY beaten the demon drink. 512 00:42:43,500 --> 00:42:45,290 Gosh! How? 513 00:42:45,340 --> 00:42:48,970 Well I, I watched you pour it down your neck all this week 514 00:42:49,020 --> 00:42:52,650 and realised frankly, it's all a bit, unsavoury. 515 00:42:52,700 --> 00:42:56,450 Not really the kind of thing I like to see in a lady. 516 00:42:56,500 --> 00:42:58,210 Shall I strike him? 517 00:42:58,260 --> 00:43:00,060 There's a line of people ahead of you. 518 00:43:01,100 --> 00:43:05,770 - Shall we say goodbye, Captain? - Rather inhospitable. 519 00:43:05,820 --> 00:43:08,930 Got any, er, tucker for the journey? 520 00:43:08,980 --> 00:43:11,850 No, no, no. 521 00:43:11,900 --> 00:43:16,140 I didn't see much of you JeeJee, but I hear you went down a storm. 522 00:43:18,700 --> 00:43:22,970 I fear I lost credibility when I became lodged in your greenery! 523 00:43:23,020 --> 00:43:28,740 We thought that was your finest hour. Oh, Prince, it's been a joy. 524 00:43:30,820 --> 00:43:35,100 And if ever you want to be the fifth Durrell child, don't hesitate. 525 00:43:36,980 --> 00:43:40,390 I'm still amazed that seagulls managed to eat all my dried fish. 526 00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:41,920 - Shocking(!) - ~ 527 00:43:43,740 --> 00:43:47,530 Good luck with your fakir. Send us a photograph of you levitating. 528 00:43:47,580 --> 00:43:49,890 Daphne agrees we should call our baby King. 529 00:43:49,940 --> 00:43:51,930 - No, I don't. - Or Count, or Doctor. 530 00:43:51,980 --> 00:43:56,370 Please all visit me in India! Gerry, I'm sure I can rustle up a tiger. 531 00:43:56,420 --> 00:43:57,280 Bye. 532 00:44:04,180 --> 00:44:07,610 Well, that's two guests gone, 533 00:44:07,660 --> 00:44:10,610 now there's just your 54 unwanted animals to go. 534 00:44:10,660 --> 00:44:12,970 Always funny. 535 00:44:13,020 --> 00:44:15,620 But in fact, there are a couple whose work is done. 536 00:44:31,660 --> 00:44:36,300 So... room for some more now. 537 00:44:44,380 --> 00:44:47,410 It's been so quiet since our guests left. 538 00:44:47,460 --> 00:44:50,210 Mmm, don't worry, I've got a batch coming over. 539 00:45:03,580 --> 00:45:05,730 "Greetings. 540 00:45:05,780 --> 00:45:09,570 From the bottom of my heart via a friend in Colombia, 541 00:45:09,620 --> 00:45:12,410 to my kind hosts. JeeJee." 542 00:45:12,460 --> 00:45:13,900 Oh. 543 00:45:22,700 --> 00:45:24,700 That is the weirdest monkey! 544 00:45:27,780 --> 00:45:30,490 Have I been drinking again, or does it look like that? 545 00:45:30,540 --> 00:45:32,060 It's a sloth. 546 00:45:35,980 --> 00:45:37,260 Gosh! 547 00:45:38,780 --> 00:45:40,590 We hear you need more fireman. 548 00:45:41,140 --> 00:45:42,770 - You fail! - Are you trying to kill me? 549 00:45:42,820 --> 00:45:46,010 I'm Guido Ferrari. Clara, Yolata and Paulo. 550 00:45:46,060 --> 00:45:47,610 They're so delightful! 551 00:45:47,660 --> 00:45:50,370 You'll end up with Daddy. There's always love interest. 552 00:45:50,420 --> 00:45:52,010 - ~ - ~ 553 00:45:52,060 --> 00:45:55,250 Theo, I want to spend time alone with Galini without you there. 554 00:45:55,300 --> 00:45:58,050 Did you know vultures have intensely corrosive stomach acid? 555 00:45:58,100 --> 00:46:00,810 We're starting to wonder about the Ferrari family. 556 00:46:00,860 --> 00:46:02,090 What are you doing, man?! 557 00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:04,690 Arrivederci!