1
00:00:00,209 --> 00:00:04,717
Jamie Lapidus gave me a handjob
last night. I had to tell you!
2
00:00:04,948 --> 00:00:08,308
Hope this is OK.
I was dropping something off.
3
00:00:12,068 --> 00:00:16,107
How did Sean like the watch?
I didn't want to put him on the spot
4
00:00:16,108 --> 00:00:19,388
so I had a PA put it in his car.
5
00:00:22,388 --> 00:00:27,307
Al the camera guy saw you
making out with Morning last week.
6
00:00:27,308 --> 00:00:31,547
Should we talk about what happened?
I had fun. Me, too.
7
00:00:31,548 --> 00:00:35,108
That's it? Pretty much.
See you tomorrow.
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00:00:38,052 --> 00:01:22,141
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00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:30,074
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10
00:01:34,108 --> 00:01:36,347
I should probably get that.
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I totally disagree.
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Sorry.
13
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Hello?
14
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No, actually I'm... in the car.
15
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Why?
16
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Oh, my God.
17
00:01:50,508 --> 00:01:52,147
When?
18
00:01:52,148 --> 00:01:53,908
Does Merc know?
19
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OK. Tell him I'll meet him at home.
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All right, bye.
21
00:02:01,348 --> 00:02:06,267
That was my assistant.
Merc's father died. Jesus.
22
00:02:06,268 --> 00:02:11,507
That sucks. Well, he's been
in a coma for the last month, so...
I guess it's kind of a blessing.
23
00:02:11,508 --> 00:02:14,747
Still... I'm really sorry.
24
00:02:14,748 --> 00:02:19,027
I should go.
Like... this minute?
25
00:02:19,028 --> 00:02:22,747
Seriously,
my husband's father just died.
26
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No, absolutely, but...
27
00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:29,147
it's not like you can
bring the old guy back.
28
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And isn't this really
a time to celebrate the living?
29
00:02:34,428 --> 00:02:39,107
You're making a really plaintive
face right now, aren't you? I am.
30
00:02:39,108 --> 00:02:44,188
And you should see what this guy's
doing. It would break your heart.
31
00:02:45,228 --> 00:02:46,548
Ohhh...
32
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,668
There you go.
33
00:03:02,668 --> 00:03:06,947
'What's another word for cock?'
34
00:03:06,948 --> 00:03:11,707
What's wrong with "cock"?
You can't say "cock" on TV here.
35
00:03:11,708 --> 00:03:14,787
No? Hmm. How about "prick"?
36
00:03:14,788 --> 00:03:19,747
Nope. Seriously? No "prick"?
No "prick". How about "dick"?
37
00:03:19,748 --> 00:03:22,667
No. "Knob"?
38
00:03:22,668 --> 00:03:25,627
I don't think so. "Meat missile".
39
00:03:25,628 --> 00:03:27,747
"Meat missile"?!
40
00:03:27,748 --> 00:03:30,507
That's what the nuns called it.
41
00:03:30,508 --> 00:03:31,948
Hey...
42
00:03:32,988 --> 00:03:34,987
What do you call a cock?
43
00:03:34,988 --> 00:03:36,907
A cock.
44
00:03:36,908 --> 00:03:41,267
Right. Anything else?
Something we can say on television.
45
00:03:41,268 --> 00:03:43,347
Noodle. Noodle?
46
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:48,347
That's what I call my boyfriend's.
Wow. He sounds quite the stud.
He's on anti-depressants.
47
00:03:48,348 --> 00:03:50,788
Oh, sorry.
48
00:03:51,788 --> 00:03:54,987
Is that it?
Actually, you came in here.
49
00:03:54,988 --> 00:04:00,787
Oh, yeah. The network called.
They want to move the table read
to tomorrow.
50
00:04:00,788 --> 00:04:06,227
Tomorrow? Why? Merc Lapidus'
father died and they all have to go
to the funeral today.
51
00:04:06,228 --> 00:04:10,267
Oh, that's sad.
OK, well, just let the stage know.
52
00:04:10,268 --> 00:04:11,547
OK.
53
00:04:11,548 --> 00:04:15,987
Do you want to send something?
Like flowers or something?
54
00:04:15,988 --> 00:04:18,787
Er... should we? I dunno.
55
00:04:18,788 --> 00:04:23,948
Maybe. We could call Carol and ask.
Could you get us Carol? Huh?
56
00:04:24,948 --> 00:04:26,787
Carol.
57
00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:28,948
OK.
58
00:04:31,908 --> 00:04:37,787
I didn't know she had a boyfriend.
You've met him. The gloomy chap
with the disappointing dong.
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00:04:37,788 --> 00:04:41,468
Dong. Good idea!
Carol Rance on two!
60
00:04:42,788 --> 00:04:46,668
- Hi, Carol!
- 'Hold for Carol, please.'
61
00:04:48,548 --> 00:04:51,347
- 'Hi, guys!'
- Hi, Carol!
62
00:04:51,348 --> 00:04:54,187
Hope we didn't mess you up too much.
63
00:04:54,188 --> 00:04:58,667
No, that's fine. We're just sorry
about Merc's father. 'I know.'
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00:04:58,668 --> 00:05:02,227
Don't get old.
And if you do, don't have a stroke.
65
00:05:02,228 --> 00:05:06,987
We were just wondering,
should we send flowers or something?
66
00:05:06,988 --> 00:05:10,467
Flowers are always nice,
but you shouldn't feel obligated.
67
00:05:10,468 --> 00:05:12,267
Really.
68
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,587
'Sorry for the chewing.'
69
00:05:14,588 --> 00:05:20,707
Phil Rosenthal sent Merc
this ginormous condolence spread
from Zabar's in New York. Ohh!
70
00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:26,987
'I swear, the bagels were still
warm.' So people are sending food?
'No, not everybody.'
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00:05:26,988 --> 00:05:30,907
A few people sent platters,
a muffin basket is always nice,
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00:05:30,908 --> 00:05:37,268
but honestly don't feel any
pressure. My God! They just brought
in a turkey the size of a Prius.
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00:05:38,308 --> 00:05:42,228
I hate it when people die.
I get so fat.
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00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:48,867
"What better way to remember
a friend or loved one
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00:05:48,868 --> 00:05:54,147
"than this thoughtful bereavement
basket overflowing with scrumptious
mini muffins,
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00:05:54,148 --> 00:05:59,587
"decadent chocolate brownies,
butter toffee pretzels
and snickerdoodle cookies,
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00:05:59,588 --> 00:06:03,467
"wrapped in cellophane and tied
with a tasteful black bow?
78
00:06:03,468 --> 00:06:07,507
"The entire family will appreciate
your gesture of peace and sympathy.
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00:06:07,508 --> 00:06:10,787
"Caution:
This product may contain nuts."
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00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:14,467
What's up?
Trying to decide what to send Merc.
81
00:06:14,468 --> 00:06:20,027
Smart. Can I get in on that? Sure.
What are you thinking?
Carol suggested a muffin basket.
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00:06:20,028 --> 00:06:25,828
She's an idiot.
Muffins went out, like, 10 years
ago. Can I leave? Yeah.
83
00:06:27,228 --> 00:06:29,467
Not for the day, though.
84
00:06:29,468 --> 00:06:30,468
Oh.
85
00:06:31,748 --> 00:06:35,787
So if not a muffin basket...?
We should cater a whole dinner.
86
00:06:35,788 --> 00:06:41,707
A whole dinner? For how many?
I don't know. 50, 75. They probably
have a ton of people at their house.
87
00:06:41,708 --> 00:06:47,587
Doesn't that seem excessive?
If our ratings were great, we could
send cat piss and a bag of Doritos.
88
00:06:47,588 --> 00:06:54,067
Mmm! But with our numbers, we can't
be the cheap assholes who sent
the shitty little muffin basket.
89
00:06:54,068 --> 00:07:00,547
So we're catering a dinner for 75
people?! What happened to "somebody
dies, dig a hole, bury them"?
90
00:07:00,548 --> 00:07:02,948
It's like dealing with cave people.
91
00:07:06,228 --> 00:07:08,467
It's just so hard.
92
00:07:08,468 --> 00:07:12,387
I should be with him today.
His father died.
93
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:16,227
I know. 'I should he holding him
and comforting him.'
94
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:22,067
I should be helping him pick out
a casket. You KNOW I would be better
at it than she is,
95
00:07:22,068 --> 00:07:24,387
which I realise isn't saying a lot.
96
00:07:24,388 --> 00:07:29,827
Well, you get to see him
at the funeral, no?
'Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.'
97
00:07:29,828 --> 00:07:32,667
Oh, God. I've got to hear a pitch.
98
00:07:32,668 --> 00:07:37,107
Some guy's got a TV movie about
his father's triumph over autism.
99
00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:41,507
It's supposed to be inspiring.
I am SO not in the mood!
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00:07:41,508 --> 00:07:42,788
'Bye.'
101
00:07:47,108 --> 00:07:50,067
Look familiar? Weirdly, yes.
102
00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:54,867
I gave them some pictures of our
first flat to use as inspiration.
103
00:07:54,868 --> 00:07:59,467
Oh, my God. Just imagine a brick
wall there and the smell of curry!
104
00:07:59,468 --> 00:08:01,907
My ex-wife calling and hanging up.
105
00:08:01,908 --> 00:08:03,907
Ah, good times.
106
00:08:03,908 --> 00:08:05,748
They were.
107
00:08:06,788 --> 00:08:10,067
Hey...
bad news on the catering thing.
108
00:08:10,068 --> 00:08:16,547
We're too late. Mark Burnett's doing
tonight from the Grill. Tomorrow,
Universal is sending deli.
109
00:08:16,548 --> 00:08:21,227
And some asshole from Warner Bros
took Friday. We're back to muffins?
110
00:08:21,228 --> 00:08:26,747
We were never on muffins!
Anyway, I called Jamie and asked
if she had any ideas. Jamie who?
111
00:08:26,748 --> 00:08:28,508
Lapidus.
112
00:08:30,668 --> 00:08:31,548
What?
113
00:08:32,868 --> 00:08:37,108
What? That look.
What look? No look.
114
00:08:51,668 --> 00:08:55,107
We've been...
kinda seeing each other.
115
00:08:55,108 --> 00:08:59,107
Who? Me and Jamie. Well, I've been
seeing her. She hasn't seen...
116
00:08:59,108 --> 00:09:05,267
Blind jokes? Really?
Hey, she makes 'em! Oh, my God!
You and Jamie Lapidus?
117
00:09:05,268 --> 00:09:07,747
For how long? A few weeks.
118
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:13,587
Started the night of our premiere.
She gave me a handjob
during the screening. A handjob?!
119
00:09:13,588 --> 00:09:18,068
During our show? Relax.
It's not like she was watching it.
120
00:09:19,108 --> 00:09:23,787
I was sitting right next to you.
Gotta say - her side, much better.
121
00:09:23,788 --> 00:09:29,027
You really are horrifying.
What is it with you and
other people's wives? Yeah, yeah.
122
00:09:29,028 --> 00:09:31,868
He's been all over me for that.
Well...
123
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:41,187
Anyway, I spoke to Jamie and there's
a couple of charities they suggest
people make donations to.
124
00:09:41,188 --> 00:09:46,947
That's better than catering.
What charities? One helps homeless
people get tattoos removed.
125
00:09:46,948 --> 00:09:52,868
That is the stupidest cause ever.
I think it's for gang tattoos,
stuff that stops them getting jobs.
126
00:09:56,348 --> 00:10:01,747
What was the other thing?
Canadian geese.
What about them? I don't know! Ah!
127
00:10:01,748 --> 00:10:07,387
It doesn't matter.
These are the ones they picked.
We just say, "Look, money!"
128
00:10:07,388 --> 00:10:11,307
This is the worst chase scene ever.
129
00:10:11,308 --> 00:10:15,147
How big a donation are we talking?
Like a hundred?
130
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:19,227
No. Who are you people? It's
got to be at least a grand. What?!
131
00:10:19,228 --> 00:10:23,907
$1,000?! For geese?! And will they
even know how much we're giving?
132
00:10:23,908 --> 00:10:29,948
The geese? Merc and his family.
I don't know, but in case they do
know, we've got to give a lot.
133
00:10:33,628 --> 00:10:36,548
- I'm just going to check the back.
- Sure.
134
00:10:37,588 --> 00:10:41,947
Hey, you guys! Do we all want to go
to this funeral together?
135
00:10:41,948 --> 00:10:45,827
We weren't planning on going.
Everybody's going. Who's everybody?
136
00:10:45,828 --> 00:10:50,787
From all the shows on the network.
Oh, shit. Really? I'm getting texts.
137
00:10:50,788 --> 00:10:54,587
Carol didn't say anything about it.
Duh! They never say it.
138
00:10:54,588 --> 00:11:01,428
It's the right thing to do. You
didn't say that when my Aunt Harriet
died. She didn't run a network.
139
00:11:02,508 --> 00:11:06,547
Hey. OK, that was my agent. I've
got to go to this fucking funeral.
140
00:11:06,548 --> 00:11:10,987
Thank you. He also said a charitable
donation is too impersonal.
141
00:11:10,988 --> 00:11:16,867
So now what? Jerry Bruckheimer
donated a dialysis machine to Cedars
in Merc's father's name.
142
00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:22,427
Jesus! I know,
but he's a partner in some dialysis
company so he gets them at cost.
143
00:11:22,428 --> 00:11:28,228
Wow. David Kelley and Michelle
Pfeiffer are planting a tree.
Oh, those fuckers!
144
00:11:37,388 --> 00:11:41,787
Wow. What do you think?
You look like you're on the news.
145
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:48,028
Thank you! The rental car company
sent this over. It was under
the seat when you turned the car in.
146
00:12:05,668 --> 00:12:10,107
We don't have time for extensions?
No. Oh, well. OK. Just...
147
00:12:10,108 --> 00:12:13,987
Oh, my God.
Don't you love this sofa?
148
00:12:13,988 --> 00:12:19,867
Ooh, very nice. Shopping for a sofa?
No, I'm just really into catalogues.
I could read 'em all day.
149
00:12:19,868 --> 00:12:23,348
So you count this as reading?
It's got words.
150
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,747
Ha. What?
151
00:12:26,748 --> 00:12:30,227
Look familiar?
The chair? Uh-huh.
152
00:12:30,228 --> 00:12:34,707
I don't think so. Isn't that
the one Sean has in his bedroom?
153
00:12:34,708 --> 00:12:38,668
I can't help you. I've never
actually been in Sean's bedroom.
154
00:12:39,788 --> 00:12:40,828
Oh.
155
00:12:56,228 --> 00:12:57,827
Hey.
156
00:12:57,828 --> 00:13:00,867
Ooh, nice.
157
00:13:00,868 --> 00:13:05,667
Did I give you that? No, you did
not! I gave out a bunch last year.
158
00:13:05,668 --> 00:13:10,627
It's a vintage Breitling. Yeah.
If you want a few more, let me know.
159
00:13:10,628 --> 00:13:15,627
Will do. Oh, man. This is going to
be weird at this thing today.
160
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:21,068
Being with Jamie in front of Merc.
But easier than the last time,
with no orgasms.
161
00:13:22,148 --> 00:13:26,227
You've never been with a blind girl,
right? No! It's good.
162
00:13:26,228 --> 00:13:32,827
You don't have to suck in the gut.
There's a bonus. I went out
with this deaf chick. Smoking hot.
163
00:13:32,828 --> 00:13:38,267
But it was a little weird
when she'd do the dirty talk.
She was like, "Fuck me."
164
00:13:38,268 --> 00:13:43,427
Stop! I'm just saying. "Fuck me.
Put your finger in my ass."
165
00:13:43,428 --> 00:13:47,427
Ssh! Just shush.
"I like..." Shush!
166
00:13:47,428 --> 00:13:50,027
"If you..." Ah! Look at you two!
167
00:13:50,028 --> 00:13:53,427
Very nice. Hey!
168
00:13:53,428 --> 00:13:57,987
We all clean up pretty good.
We should do something fun after.
169
00:13:57,988 --> 00:14:00,988
You're assuming the funeral
won't be fun.
170
00:14:02,068 --> 00:14:05,867
I think I got you in trouble.
What? I put my foot in it.
171
00:14:05,868 --> 00:14:07,708
Hello?
172
00:14:14,788 --> 00:14:19,947
My friend Carrie just got to
the cemetery. She says it's packed.
173
00:14:19,948 --> 00:14:26,027
Hm. When we get there, just make
sure Merc sees you. And it wouldn't
hurt if you could cry a little.
174
00:14:26,028 --> 00:14:31,267
Are you serious? I probably will cry
thinking about when my parents die.
175
00:14:31,268 --> 00:14:37,187
Do you ever think about that? I do,
all the time. How old are they?
My mom's 91 and Dad's 93.
176
00:14:37,188 --> 00:14:40,187
How is that even possi...?
Oh, right.
177
00:14:40,188 --> 00:14:44,267
I never think about me dying.
Do you guys?
178
00:14:44,268 --> 00:14:46,708
More so lately.
179
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:52,508
Do you think if you died the other
Friends would come to your funeral?
180
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:57,667
Yeah, I think they'd come.
181
00:14:57,668 --> 00:15:01,147
Even Jennifer?
Yeah, even Jennifer.
182
00:15:01,148 --> 00:15:05,627
God, can you imagine the press?
All of you together again.
183
00:15:05,628 --> 00:15:09,067
Well, not YOU.
Right. Cos I'd be dead.
184
00:15:09,068 --> 00:15:12,668
Sure, but still...
Still... I'd be dead.
185
00:15:14,548 --> 00:15:17,108
I hope I'm still famous when I die.
186
00:15:18,188 --> 00:15:22,588
Kinda playing fast and loose
with the word "famous", no?
187
00:15:24,548 --> 00:15:30,427
When I first got out here
I went to Orson Welles' funeral.
Really? You knew Orson Welles? Nah.
188
00:15:30,428 --> 00:15:34,067
My publicist got me in.
I couldn't believe I was there.
189
00:15:34,068 --> 00:15:39,907
It was like a real Hollywood
funeral. Jimmy Stewart, Bob Hope,
190
00:15:39,908 --> 00:15:45,427
Bette Davis.
The biggest fucking coffin
you ever saw. That guy was huge!
191
00:15:45,428 --> 00:15:51,867
I'm standing next to this woman.
She's, like, in her 50s,
sort of looks familiar.
192
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:55,587
No one's paying any attention to
her. Turns out it's Gloria Haywood.
193
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:58,307
Who's Gloria Haywood? Exactly!
194
00:15:58,308 --> 00:16:02,267
We started talking
and she's had this amazing life.
195
00:16:02,268 --> 00:16:08,987
A big affair with Bing Crosby.
She won an Oscar for
Best Supporting Actress in 1950.
196
00:16:08,988 --> 00:16:12,427
35 years later,
no one knows who the fuck she is.
197
00:16:12,428 --> 00:16:19,827
We went out for a drink and ended up
back at her apartment, this shitty
little two-room place off Fountain.
198
00:16:19,828 --> 00:16:23,787
She had this ratty dog who
watched us screwing all afternoon.
199
00:16:23,788 --> 00:16:26,467
It was my first celebrity fuck.
200
00:16:26,468 --> 00:16:32,908
Hm. I just remember thinking,
"Well, at least now
someone will remember you."
201
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:39,027
A couple of years ago I googled her
to see if she was still alive.
202
00:16:39,028 --> 00:16:43,587
Turns out someone called Josephine
Hull won the Oscar in 1950.
203
00:16:43,588 --> 00:16:47,587
So who was Gloria Haywood? Hell if I
know! Some nutjob who gave me crabs!
204
00:16:47,588 --> 00:16:49,787
She gave you crabs? Mm-hm.
205
00:16:49,788 --> 00:16:53,468
But... I learned
a valuable lesson that day.
206
00:16:55,108 --> 00:17:00,148
How to get rid of crabs? Yep.
It's come in handy more than once.
207
00:17:06,668 --> 00:17:10,507
Ah! Hey, I can't believe he's gone.
208
00:17:10,508 --> 00:17:13,108
I know. It's the end of an era.
209
00:17:14,388 --> 00:17:18,987
What are you doing?! Put those away!
If he sees you! I know, but...
210
00:17:18,988 --> 00:17:24,787
I just got a text from a friend.
Matthew Broderick fell out of
his NBC deal this morning.
211
00:17:24,788 --> 00:17:30,427
His people are shopping him around.
I don't care. There's a time
and place... Matthew Broderick!
212
00:17:30,428 --> 00:17:34,307
Ferris Bueller? The Producers?
Inspector Gadget.
213
00:17:34,308 --> 00:17:38,347
First of all, I already know this.
I have a call in to the agent.
214
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:42,827
More important, today is not
about work. Merc's father died.
215
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:46,067
We have to be here for him.
I totally hear you.
216
00:17:46,068 --> 00:17:48,588
Sorry. Yeah, sorry.
217
00:17:51,748 --> 00:17:54,307
What got up her ass?
218
00:17:54,308 --> 00:17:57,948
Thanks so much for coming.
It means a lot.
219
00:18:05,068 --> 00:18:07,507
Wow. Nice turnout.
220
00:18:07,508 --> 00:18:09,908
OK, there's Merc. Let's do this.
221
00:18:12,468 --> 00:18:14,507
You're here!
222
00:18:14,508 --> 00:18:18,787
How could we not be?
Matty. My pop's gone.
223
00:18:18,788 --> 00:18:22,227
I'm sorry, man.
I still can't believe it.
224
00:18:22,228 --> 00:18:26,227
I bet he was really proud of you.
He was. And, you know,
225
00:18:26,228 --> 00:18:30,348
we didn't speak for, like, 12 years.
When was this? Oh, long time ago.
226
00:18:31,348 --> 00:18:34,227
Caught him cheating on my mom. Wow.
227
00:18:34,228 --> 00:18:40,467
So I called the IRS on him,
told them how he was cooking
his books and he was indicted.
228
00:18:40,468 --> 00:18:43,347
Jeez. Every family has their stuff.
229
00:18:43,348 --> 00:18:45,108
Hey, you!
230
00:18:46,228 --> 00:18:49,987
- You met him, didn't you?
- Just once. He was a sweetie.
231
00:18:49,988 --> 00:18:54,107
- Didn't he grab your ass?
- He was so full of life!
232
00:18:54,108 --> 00:18:57,147
Not so much any more. Hey!
233
00:18:57,148 --> 00:19:01,827
You got one job - to keep her
from falling in the goddamned hole!
234
00:19:01,828 --> 00:19:03,388
Sorry.
235
00:19:10,668 --> 00:19:15,227
Anyway, I'm so glad you're all here.
It really means the world to me.
236
00:19:15,228 --> 00:19:19,147
And you two -
all the way from London.
237
00:19:19,148 --> 00:19:24,467
We're so sorry.
My father loved England.
It was his favourite country.
238
00:19:24,468 --> 00:19:29,347
Really? He said it was like Europe,
but in English. That's our slogan.
239
00:19:29,348 --> 00:19:33,907
You still make me laugh,
even on a day like today.
240
00:19:33,908 --> 00:19:35,307
Well...
241
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:38,787
Excuse me. Ah! You're here...
242
00:19:38,788 --> 00:19:40,628
See you by the hole.
243
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:46,108
I'll just say
a quick hello to Carol.
244
00:19:47,188 --> 00:19:52,267
What were you trying to say to me?
I didn't know Beverly's never been
to your apartment.
245
00:19:52,268 --> 00:19:56,667
This is important why? I was talking
about a chair in your bedroom. OK.
246
00:19:56,668 --> 00:20:00,587
Oh! I'm really sorry.
I wasn't even thinking.
247
00:20:00,588 --> 00:20:03,187
Don't apologise.
You did nothing wrong.
248
00:20:03,188 --> 00:20:07,707
Well... No. You were allowed to be
there. It's not like I was cheating.
249
00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:13,267
I guess. Yeah, we're separated.
I can do whatever I want.
I'm perfectly within my rights.
250
00:20:13,268 --> 00:20:16,388
Why do you sound guilty?
Because I am.
251
00:20:17,388 --> 00:20:19,548
So sorry. Thank you.
252
00:20:20,588 --> 00:20:22,387
Hey...
253
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:29,667
You're here. You holding up OK?
I've probably hugged 400 people
already!
254
00:20:29,668 --> 00:20:33,428
Let's make it 401.
Sounds good to me.
255
00:20:34,468 --> 00:20:36,468
So sorry for your loss.
256
00:20:37,908 --> 00:20:40,947
I wanna kiss your neck. Mmm.
257
00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,987
You feel so good.
258
00:20:42,988 --> 00:20:45,228
And now it's too long.
259
00:20:46,468 --> 00:20:48,867
He's in a better place.
260
00:20:48,868 --> 00:20:51,268
How are you?
261
00:20:52,948 --> 00:20:58,067
Hello again. William Shatner's here.
The real William Shatner?
262
00:20:58,068 --> 00:21:03,547
The real William Shatner!
Please tell me you didn't do
your impression. Inside I was like,
263
00:21:03,548 --> 00:21:08,267
"You Klingon bastard! You killed my
son!" Stop it! Today is sad enough.
264
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:13,507
Oh, by the way,
thank you so much for this.
You're welcome. Happy birthday.
265
00:21:13,508 --> 00:21:18,987
Sorry. I just got it today.
Ah. I was wondering
when you didn't say anything.
266
00:21:18,988 --> 00:21:24,427
I thought
maybe I'd got the wrong thing.
God, no. I love it. It's perfect.
267
00:21:24,428 --> 00:21:25,867
Oh.
268
00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:27,107
What?
269
00:21:27,108 --> 00:21:32,427
What time do you have? Quarter to.
Why? It's 20 minutes behind.
270
00:21:32,428 --> 00:21:36,627
Oh, did I not mention it's a piece
of shit? Put that in the card.
271
00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:38,628
I'll get it fixed.
272
00:21:44,108 --> 00:21:45,987
So...
273
00:21:45,988 --> 00:21:51,027
Hm? Morning was saying something
about a conversation
she had with you... Yep.
274
00:21:51,028 --> 00:21:56,468
Where she mentioned to you that,
um... she'd been in my apartment.
275
00:21:58,188 --> 00:22:03,947
You don't owe me any explanation.
I really don't. I just said that.
And I believe she said bedroom.
276
00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:06,068
Right. Yeah, bedroom, yeah.
277
00:22:11,148 --> 00:22:15,227
But since you brought it up... Yeah.
This was when? On my birthday.
278
00:22:15,228 --> 00:22:17,828
So you weren't alone? Good, good.
279
00:22:21,988 --> 00:22:26,348
For what it's worth, I was
only with her the one time. Mm.
280
00:22:27,388 --> 00:22:32,467
So you were actually... with her...
with her? I assumed, but...
281
00:22:32,468 --> 00:22:34,587
I w-was with her.
282
00:22:34,588 --> 00:22:38,747
I was with her. I was with her.
With her I was. I can't stop!
283
00:22:38,748 --> 00:22:40,188
Try!
284
00:22:46,708 --> 00:22:52,187
So just to clarify... Yeah. Go.
This wasn't something that was
going on back when... Right.
285
00:22:52,188 --> 00:22:56,347
I thought there might be something
going on? No. Cos I was thinking,
286
00:22:56,348 --> 00:23:00,787
"Mmm! Maybe I wasn't so crazy."
No, you were.
287
00:23:00,788 --> 00:23:05,547
Oh, good. So I see no reason
to feel guilty. Absolutely none.
288
00:23:05,548 --> 00:23:09,747
After what happened with you and...
Yes. I totally agree.
289
00:23:09,748 --> 00:23:15,148
It's not like we're even together.
No. We're not together.
We, we are... not.
290
00:23:20,228 --> 00:23:24,268
If everyone is ready,
it's time to begin.
291
00:23:37,468 --> 00:23:39,508
What's wrong?
292
00:23:40,508 --> 00:23:42,828
No, it's silly.
293
00:23:44,588 --> 00:23:46,388
Tell me.
294
00:23:54,948 --> 00:23:57,388
I just always assumed that...
295
00:23:58,948 --> 00:24:01,628
that when I died you'd be there.
296
00:24:03,068 --> 00:24:05,748
Or if you died, I'd be there.
297
00:24:07,308 --> 00:24:09,347
Now I'm thinking
298
00:24:09,348 --> 00:24:11,828
who knows? Maybe not.
299
00:24:18,308 --> 00:24:19,308
Oh.
300
00:24:21,748 --> 00:24:24,188
Told you it was silly.
301
00:24:40,468 --> 00:24:43,108
It's OK. He had a full life.
302
00:25:01,148 --> 00:25:03,947
There's an old Hebrew proverb.
303
00:25:03,948 --> 00:25:07,067
Say not in grief he is no more,
304
00:25:07,068 --> 00:25:11,547
but live in thankfulness
that he was.
305
00:25:11,548 --> 00:25:17,907
I know everyone here today
is thankful that Leo Lapidus
touched our lives.
306
00:25:17,908 --> 00:25:22,147
For 49 years he was a devoted
husband to our Selma,
307
00:25:22,148 --> 00:25:29,547
he was a loving father to Mindy
and to Merc and he adored his
grandchildren - Sam, Tess, Emma,
308
00:25:29,548 --> 00:25:36,227
Brett and Rose. But he'd
trade you all in a heartbeat
for an eight handicap.
309
00:25:36,228 --> 00:25:39,987
It's OK. It's all right to laugh.
Leo wanted to leave us laughing.
310
00:25:39,988 --> 00:25:43,868
May his memory endure among us
as a blessing.
311
00:26:02,228 --> 00:26:06,347
I'm so sorry!
I thought it was turned off.
312
00:26:06,348 --> 00:26:08,787
Who was it? Everyone is here.
313
00:26:08,788 --> 00:26:13,467
- Matthew Broderick's agent.
- That fucker didn't come?
314
00:26:13,468 --> 00:26:17,267
- I'll tell you later.
- What? Tell me now.
315
00:26:17,268 --> 00:26:19,667
Broderick's available.
316
00:26:19,668 --> 00:26:21,747
Seriously?
317
00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:25,067
NBC couldn't close the deal.
318
00:26:25,068 --> 00:26:27,548
Get him back.
319
00:26:29,308 --> 00:26:30,708
Now?!
320
00:26:38,868 --> 00:26:41,308
Hold for Merc Lapidus.
321
00:26:45,588 --> 00:26:48,108
Sorry. This is important.
322
00:26:52,068 --> 00:26:54,748
Yeah. Merc. Right.
323
00:27:23,336 --> 00:27:54,428
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00:27:55,305 --> 00:28:01,269
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