- I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME, MR. LASORDA.
OKAY-- TOMMY.
I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS INTERVIEW.
THIS'LL BE REAL QUICK.
OKAY, NOW THAT YOU'RE RETIRED,
I WAS JUST WONDERING,
WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING WITH THAT COOKIE?
PUT THE COOKIE DOWN!
NO, NO, NO, NOT YOU, MR. LASORDA. NO.
DID I--I SCARED YOU?
OH, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU.
OH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE EATING A COOKIE.
- DON'T YOU LOVE NEMO'S AT NIGHT?
THE CANDLES-- - YES.
- TWINKLY LIGHTS. - I KNOW.
SUCH A ROMANTIC ATMOSPHERE, HUH?
- YEAH.
THAT'S WHY THE POPE EATS HERE.
HEY, YOU THINK HE REALLY SAID,
"TO MY BUDDY NEMO, YOUR PIZZA IS INFALLIBLE"?
- HEY, HE'S GOOD LUCK.
- YEAH. LINDA AND I GOT A PICTURE OF HIM
DOWN AT THE SHOP RIDING A JET SKI.
- NO. - THAT WAS MY IDEA.
- YOU SEE? SHE'S BRAINY AND BEAUTIFUL.
- AW.
- AND LOOSE.
DID YOU ORDER FOREPLAY?
I DIDN'T ORDER FOREPLAY.
- YOU OKAY, HONEY? YOU'RE SWEATING.
- I SWEAT BEFORE I THROW UP.
- TWO MELANZONIES.
- YEAH, HERE.
- EXTRA SAUCE.
- SHE'S THE SAUCY ONE.
- AND THE ASSORTED FRIED CHEESES PLATE.
- HE'S THE FAT ONE.
- BON APPETIT.
- OW! OW!
- OH, BABE, LET ME SEE. LET ME SEE.
- YOU WANT SOME ICE, BERNIE?
- I GOT WHAT BERNIE NEEDS. COME HERE. COME HERE.
- AW. [laughs]
YOU GOT WHAT I NEED, RAY?
- A GUN?
HEY, THAT'S TONGUE!
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A VEGETARIAN.
- OH, WHAT, YOU NEVER KISSED IN FRONT OF ANYBODY?
- YEAH, I'M SURE WE HAVE.
- THERE WAS, UH--
THAT ONE AT OUR WEDDING.
[tapping on glasses]
- OH, WHAT, THAT'S IT?
- WHAT ARE YOU-- COME ON. THE POPE!
- HEY, WATCH THIS.
HEY, TRY IT LIKE THIS, OKAY?
[imitating Marlon Brando] STELLA!
- STELLA!
- ATTAGIRL!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- BRANDO.
"I COULD HAVE BEEN A CONTENDER."
- AWW! HELLO, DEARS.
- WERE YOU IN MY OFFICE, MA?
- YEAH. I WAS TRYING TO GET A PEN
TO DO THE CROSSWORDS.
YOU KNOW YOUR DESK DRAWER IS LOCKED?
- UH, YEAH, WE LOCK IT NOW.
- OH?
- YEAH. IT KEEPS THE KIDS OUT.
- OH! HA, HA, HA!
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
I BROKE A KNIFE IN IT.
- OKAY, LET'S GET TO BED, ALLY.
- HEY.
SHOWER'S BROKEN.
MUST'VE BEEN LOOSE, 'CAUSE WHEN I FIDDLED WITH IT,
IT CAME RIGHT OUT OF THE WALL.
- OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT'RE YOU TAKING A SHOWER OVER HERE FOR?
- WELL, HE CAME HOME FROM WORK, AND WE WERE HERE,
AND YOU KNOW YOUR BROTHER.
HE DOESN'T LIKE TO BE ALONE IN THE HOUSE.
- CAN WE GO NOW? I'M COLD.
- OH, SURE, SWEETIE. COME ON, LET'S GO. LET'S GO.
- UH, THAT'S MY TOWEL.
BUT WE CAN GET IT LATER.
- I'LL PATCH THE SHOWER UP FOR YOU TOMORROW.
- OF COURSE YOU WILL.
- YOU KNOW THAT SHAMPOO THAT SAYS "NO MORE TEARS"?
- YEAH.
- THERE'S TEARS.
- OH, YEAH. DEFINITELY BROKEN.
YOU KNOW HOW I COULD TELL?
THERE SHOULD BE A BATHROOM RIGHT HERE.
YOU KNOW, IT'S GOT TO BE HARD ON ROBERT
BEING SO GIGANTIC.
WHEN HE WAS A KID,
HE WASN'T ALLOWED TO PET THE CAT.
COME ON.
HE COULDN'T PET THE CAT.
OH, GOD. YOU'RE NOT OKAY. YOU'RE NOT.
- I'M FINE, RAY.
- SEE, I WOULD'VE BELIEVED YOU IF YOU DIDN'T ADD THE "RAY."
LOOK, DO YOU MIND? I HAVE TO PACK.
I'M LEAVING WITH THE METS TOMORROW.
- YEAH. GO AHEAD.
IT'S MY BROTHER, RIGHT?
- NO, IT'S--
- IT'S MY FATHER. YES, HE'S REALLY ANNOYING.
- [sighs] NO, IT'S NOT YOUR FATHER.
- IT'S MY MOM, RIGHT?
YEAH, YEAH. SHE BROKE OUR KNIFE.
LET'S KILL HER.
COME ON, YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING WE DON'T DO THINGS TOGETHER.
WE'LL KILL HER AND THEN A MOVIE.
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID.
I'M USUALLY GOOD AT KNOWING WHEN IT'S ME,
BECAUSE IT'S USUALLY ME.
- RAY, HOW COME YOU CAN NEVER JUST BE AFFECTIONATE WITH ME?
- OH, BERNIE!
- DID YOU SEE HOW BERNIE IS WITH LINDA?
- I SEE. EVERYBODY SEES THAT. IT'S FREE PLAYBOY CHANNEL!
- THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT ONCE IN A WHILE.
- HE WAS DRINKING.
- THEY'RE SO PASSIONATE.
- THEY'RE DRUNKS! BOTH OF THEM!
LOOK--
LOOK, THEY'VE ONLY BEEN MARRIED FOR, WHAT, TWO YEARS?
SO THERE'S NO KIDS, NO EXHAUSTION.
JUST WAIT.
- WAIT FOR WHAT?
- FOR THIS.
THE NOISE AND THE NO SLEEP AND THE NO TIME.
PLEASE, KNOW WHAT I MEAN HERE.
- YOU NEVER EVEN SAY "I LOVE YOU."
- OH, NOW I DON'T LOVE YOU.
- YOU DON'T SAY IT.
- I DO. - NO, YOU DON'T.
- I DO. - WHEN DO YOU SAY IT?
- WITH MY EYES!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M--
DROWNING.
LOOK, YOU WANT ME TO SAY IT?
I LOVE YOU. THERE. I SAID IT.
- OH, YEAH, OKAY, THERE'S THE SEVEN LITTLE WORDS
EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO HEAR.
I LOVE YOU. THERE. I SAID IT.
- HEY, COME ON. DON'T I SAY IT WHEN WE--
- OH, YELLING IT DURING SEX DOESN'T COUNT.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. I DON'T KNOW.
- WELL-- - WHAT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
JUST--
WELL, I--
DOESN'T MATTER. JUST--
GOOD NIGHT.
- UM--
I'M STILL PACKING OVER HERE.
- GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY.
- HI. - HI.
- HEY, GUYS!
HERE. THIS IS FOR YOU.
- WHAT IS THIS? A CARD?
- MM-HMM.
GOT UP EARLY TO GET IT FOR YOU.
- WHY?
- YOU KNOW. 'CAUSE OF WHAT WE--
YOU KNOW.
- "TO A SPECIAL WIFE."
"LOVE LIKE OURS IS REAL AND TRUE
"AS A LILY HOLDS THE MORNING DEW.
"EVER DAY FINDS JOY ANEW,
AND IN EVERY WAY DO I LOVE YOU."
- AHH. - YEAH!
HA, HA, HA!
OH, THAT'S REALLY SWEET, RAY.
- YEAH? - YEAH. I JUST--
LOVE IT. IT'S--
IT'S A REALLY NICE CARD.
- OH, SOMETHING'S WRONG.
WHAT, IT'S NOT ENOUGH.
OH, I SHOULD'VE GOT THE POP-UP.
- MAYBE YOU JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEANT.
- OH, YOU STILL WANT THE TALKING.
LOOK, THIS IS BETTER THAN TALKING.
THIS IS WRITING.
- UH-HUH.
YOU COULDN'T EVEN SIGN IT "LOVE, RAY."
YOU SIGNED IT, "OKAY? RAY."
- LOOK, YOU KNOW ME.
YOU KNOW THIS ALL MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.
WHEN I SAY I LOVE YOU, IT DOESN'T SOUND NATURAL.
IT'S LIKE SOME BAD MOVIE,
LIKE SOMEBODY'S GOING TO LAUGH AT ME.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, LAUGH?
- SOMEBODY'S GOING TO LAUGH AT ME SAYING THAT STUFF.
- STUFF?
- DO YOU LOVE ME, DADDY?
- OH, YES! OF COURSE I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS.
AND MOMMY.
HUH? WHAT A MOMMY.
WHAT A-- LET'S HEAR IT FOR MOMMY!
RAISE YOUR HAND FOR-- YAY!
LOOK, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M JUST--
I'M NOT GOOD AT SAYING THAT STUFF ALOUD.
THAT'S THE WAY I AM.
THAT'S THE WAY MY PARENTS WERE.
- WELL, OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW,
MAYBE THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT.
I MEAN, COME ON.
YOU WANT TO PASS THIS TRAIT ON TO YOUR KIDS?
- NO.
- RAY--
I LOVE YOU.
- AND I YOU.
- OH!
- COME ON!
COME ON. IT'S ALL HERE IN THE CARD!
DEBRA. DEBRA!
- STELLA!
- STUPID STINKING HUMP!
DON'T TOY WITH ME, GOD.
- HEY, DAD, ICED TEA?
- NO. IT GETS ME ALL HOPPED UP.
I'M ALMOST DONE HERE.
OW!
DAMN PIECE OF CRAP!
- PLEASE, DAD, TAKE IT EASY A LITTLE.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING?
- YEAH, SURE, YOU DO, BUT RELAX.
- GIVE ME THE DAMN PLIERS.
THANKS.
- LISTEN, DAD, I GOT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.
- THERE! DONE!
A COUPLE OF THINGS YOU GOT TO REMEMBER.
IT'S VERY EASY, OKAY. - YEAH? LIKE WHAT?
- WELL, IT'S NOTHING. HOT IS NOW COLD.
- WHAT ELSE? IS THE WATER GOING TO COME OUT?
- SURE. HERE'S WHAT YOU DO.
YOU HOLD ON TO THIS ONE TIGHT,
AND THEN YOU PUSH AND TURN WITH THIS ONE.
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED AT LEAST TWO HANDS.
- YEAH, DAD, PLEASE--
- AAH!
THE WATER COMES OUT VERY HOT AT FIRST,
BUT SAVE THAT.
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT LATER.
- AW, DAD, SHUT IT. JUST SHUT IT.
- HERE, GIVE ME A HAND. GIVE ME A HAND.
- [groaning]
- TURN. TURN IT!
- I'M TURNING. - TURN IT!
- I'M TURNING IT!
- WHEW!
- THANKS.
LISTEN, DAD, I WAS WONDERING SOMETHING.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
THAT YOU SAID "I LOVE YOU" TO--
ANYBODY?
- "I LOVE YOU"?
- YEAH.
- WHAT, DO YOU LIVE IN A FREAKIN' FAIRYLAND
OR SOMETHING?
- DAD, I JUST WANTED TO KNOW.
- THIS IS REAL LIFE, RAYMOND.
PEOPLE DON'T JUST GO AROUND SAYING THAT.
- YES, THEY DO, DAD.
- NAME ONE. NAME ONE PERSON.
- DEBRA. - THAT'S AN ACT.
- IT'S NOT AN ACT, DAD. SHE MEANS IT.
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
MAYBE DEBRA.
BUT SHE'S, UH, NICE.
WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THESE THINGS?
- I JUST WANT TO KNOW. THAT'S ALL.
DO YOU EVER SAY IT TO MOM?
- YOU'RE GETTING KIND OF PERSONAL NOW.
- DAD, YOU'RE MY FATHER.
- YOUR MOTHER AND I KNOW HOW WE FEEL.
THAT'S OUR BUSINESS.
- WHAT? HELLO, RAYMOND, SWEETIE.
HOW YOU--
WHAT'S OUR BUSINESS?
- NOTHING. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
- YOU SAID OUR BUSINESS.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT?
- NOTHING, MA. IT'S OKAY.
- YOU GOT HIM LYING FOR YOU NOW?
- GO AWAY!
- I CHOP UP CELERY AND DILL FOR YOUR ROTTEN TUNA SANDWICH
AND I DRAG IT ACROSS THE STREET FOR YOU,
AND YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE DECENCY--
- HEY, THAT'S MY FREAKIN' LUNCH!
- NOW COME ON. IT'S NOTHING.
I WAS ASKING, THAT'S ALL. I WAS JUST ASKING,
HOW COME NOBODY EVER SAYS "I LOVE YOU" AROUND HERE?
BUT I'M STARTING TO REALIZE
WHAT A STUPID QUESTION THAT IS.
- NO, THAT'S NOT STUPID AT ALL, DEAR.
THERE HAPPENS TO BE
A VERY GOOD EXPLANATION FOR IT, THOUGH.
YOUR FATHER DOESN'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.
- OKAY. OH, BOY.
- WHEN WE FIRST WERE MARRIED,
I SAID IT ALL THE TIME.
- NAME ONE TIME. - ALL THE TIME.
- WHEN? WHEN DID YOU SAY IT?
- I SAID IT ALL THE TIME!
I HAPPEN TO BE A VERY LOVING, CARING WOMAN.
YOU KNOW THAT, RAYMOND.
BUT I MEAN, AFTER YEARS AND YEARS OF GIVING AND SHARING
AND GETTING NOTHING IN RETURN, ONE TENDS TO--
- YOU SAID IT ONE TIME IN ALBANY.
- OH, SHUT UP. - ONE TIME!
- SHUT UP!
- THE NIGHT YOU HAD THE RUM CANDY.
- SHUT UP, FRANK!
SEE WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH?
- LOOK, MA, DAD, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY IT.
IT'S OKAY.
- WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT TO YOU, ALL OF A SUDDEN?
MY PARENTS NEVER SAID IT.
- WHEN YOU WERE A KID, DIDN'T YOU WANT
YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER TO SAY IT TO YOU?
- OF COURSE.
- BUT THEY DIDN'T.
- WHY?
- THEY DIDN'T WANT TO SPOIL US.
- ALL RIGHT, THIS IS THE WAY WE WANT TO BE?
IS THIS THE WAY WE WANT THE KIDS TO BE?
I MEAN, WHAT WOULD BE SO WRONG WITH SAYING "I LOVE YOU"
AROUND HERE ONCE IN A WHILE?
- WELL, WE'RE NOT LIVING IN A FAIRYLAND HERE, RAYMOND.
- HEY, HOT AND SOUR SOUP!
- WANT TO GIVE ME A HAND WITH THESE GUYS?
- COME ON, GUYS. IT'S FUN IN THE SINK.
YOU LOVE IT, DON'T YOU?
LOOK AT THAT. LOOK HOW THE GREASE SEPARATES.
ALL SQUEAKY AND SHINY CLEAN.
HEY, I CAN SEE MYSELF.
- YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING A LITTLE LOWER.
- HEY, THIS DISH HAS A CRACK IN IT.
COME ON.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL TRY AND CHANGE THE WAY I AM OR SOMETHING.
- YOU MEAN THAT?
- WE'RE LEAVING NOW.
- OKAY. THANKS.
THANKS, DAD.
- THE SHOWER'S FIXED,
AND THERE'S JUST ONE THING I WANT YOU TO KNOW.
- WHAT?
- WELL, UH, WE'VE BEEN TALKING, AND, UH--
YOU GO AHEAD, FRANK.
- I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU!
- OH, GOD, MOM.
- I LOVE YOU, DEBRA.
- MOM, YOU CAN STOP, MOM.
MOM, YOU'RE SCARING THEM.
GO. SAVE THE CHILDREN.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
IT'S OKAY.
- HEY.
- OH, ROBBIE, SWEETHEART.
I LOVE YOU.
I'M SO SORRY.
- SORRY FOR WHAT?
- FOR NEVER SAYING IT.
FROM NOW ON,
I'M GOING TO SAY IT TO YOU ALL THE TIME.
ALL OF YOU, EVEN FRANK.
I LOVE YOU!
- ISN'T THIS THE PART OF THE MOVIE
WHERE SHE'S SUPPOSED TO GET SHOT BY THE REAL HER?
- WELL, WE'RE HERE FOR SUCH A SHORT WHILE.
YOUR FAMILY SHOULD KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
- I'M FEELING IT'S NOT THAT SHORT A WHILE HERE, MA.
- TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I FELT KIND OF EMBARRASSED AT FIRST TOO.
BUT NOW--
- OH, GOD.
AW.
- I LOVE YOU, SON.
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. THANKS, DAD. ME TOO.
I'LL BE OVER HERE.
WHAT?
- WELL, YOU'RE MY BROTHER.
I LOVE YOU, RAYMOND.
- OH, ISN'T THAT NICE?
- COME ON. ENOUGH. ENOUGH ALREADY!
OH, GOD!
- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
- I TOLD THEM WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.
- WHAT? WHY?
- I THOUGHT I COULD FIND OUT WHY I WAS THE WAY I WAS.
BUT NOW I KNOW WHY. I'M FROM A MENTAL INSTITUTION.
- I LOVE YOU, DEB.
- ROBERT, ROBERT. - NO, NO.
- YOU'RE--
REMEMBER THE CAT.
- THANKS, ROB, I--I LOVE YOU TOO.
RAY, THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED.
UH, COULD EVERYBODY JUST-- GO BACK TO NORMAL?
I THINK IT WAS MUCH BETTER
BEFORE EVERYBODY LOVED EACH OTHER.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS IS BETWEEN YOU TWO.
THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM.
- WELL, YEAH, YEAH, I WAS TRYING TO FIND OUT
WHY I'M NOT THE MOST DEMONSTRATIVE GUY.
AND I THOUGHT--
- YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OUR FAULT.
- THAT'S TYPICAL. YOU BLAME THE PARENTS.
THIS IS YOUR PROBLEM,
AND THE FIRST THING KIDS DO TODAY
IS POINT TO THE MOTHER.
- NOBODY'S POINTING, MA.
- IF IT'S ANYBODY'S FAULT, IT'S YOUR FATHER.
- OKAY, PLEASE, JUST STOP.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHY DO YOU DEAL WITH IMPORTANT THINGS WE TALK ABOUT LIKE THIS?
I'M SORRY I EVER BRING THEM UP.
- I'M SORRY TOO.
- I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, RAY.
I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU ON THIS SUBJECT AGAIN.
I PROMISE, OKAY?
LET'S JUST FORGET I EVER SAID ANYTHING.
ALL RIGHT?
- COME ON, DEB.
DEB.
- YOU KNOW, YOUR PLANE LEAVES IN TWO HOURS.
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN PACKED YET.
- OH, GOD. LOOK, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY I'M SUCH A SCREW-UP.
- [clears throat]
- THIS LOVE STUFF--
WE NEVER MENTION IT AGAIN.
- OH, HI. - HI.
- I MADE THE BED. - YEAH, I SEE.
- LISTEN-- - UH, DON'T.
- WHAT?
- YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING.
- I DON'T? - NOPE.
- YOU KNOW WHAT? - WHAT?
- I'M GOING TO MISS MY PLANE.
- OKAY.
- I'LL CALL YOU. - OKAY.
- I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I GET THERE.
- ALL RIGHT.
BYE.
- I LOVE YOU.
- [laughing]
- OH, BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL.
- HONEY, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
- NO, THAT'S ALL, CARDS-- ONLY CARDS FROM NOW ON.
YEAH, YOUR "I LOVE YOU" IS GOING TO COME FROM ZIGGY.
YEAH, I MISS YOU, TOO.
OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
AND, HONEY--
I LOVE YOU.
GOOD. WELL, GET USED TO IT,
'CAUSE I'M GOING TO SAY IT ALL THE TIME.
OKAY. NOW GIVE THE PHONE TO MOMMY.