1 00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:05,831 Oh, look who's here. 2 00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:07,268 Guys, I got to go, okay? I'm late. 3 00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:08,312 - Okay. - I'll see you guys. 4 00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:09,661 - Alright, bye. - Bye. 5 00:00:09,661 --> 00:00:11,402 - 'Bye, dad.' - Bye. 6 00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:13,143 I'm late. 7 00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,450 Yeah, ray, listen, Ally drew this picture of our family. 8 00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:17,104 And now she wants to put it up on the fridge. 9 00:00:17,104 --> 00:00:19,367 - Yeah, so? - Well, look at it. 10 00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:22,326 There's Ally and the twins and there's you and me and... 11 00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,154 ...look at your parents. 12 00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:27,375 Oh, she made 'em giants. 13 00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:30,334 - Yeah. - With sharp teeth and claws. 14 00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:34,599 Yeah, and they're attacking our house. 15 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:36,123 Stop it, I'm showing him. 16 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,168 No, this way. It goes this way. 17 00:00:38,168 --> 00:00:39,865 She's very perceptive. 18 00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:41,258 We can't put this on the fridge. 19 00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:42,694 Your parents are gonna see it. 20 00:00:42,694 --> 00:00:44,740 Do you like my picture, daddy? 21 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,437 Um, yes, I do. I do, sweetie. 22 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:49,397 Honey, how come you made grandma and grandpa look so scary? 23 00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:50,963 That's not grandma and grandpa. 24 00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:53,618 Those are Halloween monsters. 25 00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:56,186 - Oh. - Okay. Okay. 26 00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:58,623 Grandma and grandpa aren't monsters. 27 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,631 - Ah, youth. Yeah. - Yup. 28 00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,897 Hi, I'm Ray, and I live here in Long island 29 00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:14,813 with my wife Debra... 30 00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:17,773 ...my six-year-old daughter, and twin two-year-old boys. 31 00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:18,948 'Whee!' 32 00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:20,123 My parents... 33 00:01:21,733 --> 00:01:23,605 ...live across the street. 34 00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,302 That's right. 35 00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:28,697 And my brother lives with them. 36 00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:31,134 Now, not every family would defy gravity for you 37 00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:32,483 but mine would because-- 38 00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:35,051 Everybody loves Raymond. 39 00:01:35,051 --> 00:01:36,313 Hey, you didn't... 40 00:01:41,275 --> 00:01:43,146 They're gonna call it, man. There's no way. 41 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:44,452 There's no way they're gonna get it in. 42 00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:46,758 So none of these are real massages? 43 00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:50,675 Well, Andy, why would a real masseuse 44 00:01:50,675 --> 00:01:52,460 have a black bar across her eyes? 45 00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:57,029 You know why? The black matches her whip. 46 00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:03,123 So... so all of this is sex? 47 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,037 Yes, it's sex. 48 00:02:05,037 --> 00:02:07,127 Then these prices are very reasonable. 49 00:02:10,956 --> 00:02:12,567 Press box. 50 00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:14,221 Yeah, hold on one second. 51 00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:16,179 Kevin, it's Roy Firestone. 52 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:18,007 - Ooh. Roy's calling. - "Ooh. Roy's calling." 53 00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,097 "I'm on TV with Roy. 54 00:02:21,097 --> 00:02:22,707 Mmm, Roy Firestone." 55 00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:24,579 Now, you're not a little jealous, are you, Andy? 56 00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:25,928 No, I'm not jealous. 57 00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:28,322 So Kevin does the play-by-play for the Mets. 58 00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:31,455 And I'm just his humpbacked stat guy. 59 00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:32,761 Well, you know what? 60 00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:34,197 Without me, he wouldn't know what to say. 61 00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:36,068 He'd open up his mouth, and meat would fall out. 62 00:02:37,896 --> 00:02:39,202 Thanks. Yep, I'll tell him now. 63 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,508 'Alright, Roy.' 64 00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:42,336 Yeah! You know who that was? 65 00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:45,339 That was Roy freaking Firestone. 66 00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:47,993 Did he ask you to a sleepover? 67 00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:49,908 You, my friend, are gonna be on TV. 68 00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,562 Me? What-what are you talking about? 69 00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:53,869 Harvey Johnson's taking a vacation and Roy wants you 70 00:02:53,869 --> 00:02:56,785 to fill in with us on Sportscall with Roy Firestone. 71 00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:59,701 Get out of here. Come on, I don't, I don't know TV. 72 00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:01,181 I'm a sportswriter. 73 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,792 Roy specifically asked for a newspaper guy 74 00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:05,228 or a Chinese person. 75 00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:09,972 Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, that's a live TV show. 76 00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:12,801 It's 30 minutes. Come on, it's the easiest money you ever made. 77 00:03:12,801 --> 00:03:14,324 Easier than the 40 bucks he got 78 00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:16,152 when you couldn't do seven push-ups? 79 00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:19,286 It was ten, Andy. 80 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,462 I couldn't do ten push-ups. 81 00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:24,029 It doesn't matter because you stopped after two. 82 00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:27,598 So you're in, right? 83 00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:28,991 I don't know. I gotta... 84 00:03:28,991 --> 00:03:30,384 Come on, I gotta think it over. 85 00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:31,733 Like, I gotta let 'em know tonight, Ray. 86 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:32,951 Roy wants me? 87 00:03:32,951 --> 00:03:34,344 Come on, he knows who I am. 88 00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:35,824 Everybody knows who you are. 89 00:03:35,824 --> 00:03:37,695 You know sports, you, you get to the heart 90 00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:39,262 the poetry, that is sports. 91 00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:41,917 Oh, I'm having the stomach that is nauseous. 92 00:03:43,614 --> 00:03:44,615 You sure he knows me? 93 00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,138 - Yes! - He-he's read my stuff? 94 00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:47,879 He knows it all. Come on! 95 00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,533 But you think I'll do alright on there? 96 00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,709 - You're gonna do great, man. - Alright, I'll do it. 97 00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,276 Yeah, that's the man I know. 98 00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,670 - Oh, man, I got to call Debra. - Yeah, look at you. 99 00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:57,585 Debra's gonna flip, man, when she hears this. 100 00:03:57,585 --> 00:03:59,761 Whoo! TV big shot. 101 00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,589 Hi. Oh, hi, Michael. 102 00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:03,243 Michael answered the phone. His first time. 103 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,548 - He's never done that. - Huh, first time. 104 00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:06,202 What is he, 14 now, Ray? 105 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:09,466 He's two. 106 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,381 Yeah, hi, it's daddy. 107 00:04:11,381 --> 00:04:12,904 No, I know daddy's not home. 108 00:04:12,904 --> 00:04:14,079 I'm daddy. 109 00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:15,559 No, I'm daddy! 110 00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:17,518 Yeah, I, is mommy-- 111 00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:20,695 Hello? No, don't go get daddy! 112 00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:22,436 He-he dropped the phone. 113 00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,612 Is somebody there? Somebody there to pick up the phone? 114 00:04:24,612 --> 00:04:26,222 Debra. I hear you, Debra. 115 00:04:26,222 --> 00:04:27,615 You're walking right by the phone now. 116 00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:29,791 Look down. Look down, Debra! 117 00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:32,141 I'm in the phone! 118 00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:39,104 You know what my mother did? 119 00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:41,629 She sent flyers out all over the neighborhood. 120 00:04:43,761 --> 00:04:46,982 My father told everybody at the elks. 121 00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:49,506 Give me, give me some tips, man. Tell me something. 122 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,378 Just make love to the camera, Ray. 123 00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:55,338 - Hey, what do you say, fellas? - Hey, Roy. 124 00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:56,818 How you doin'? Good to see you. You all know James Worthy. 125 00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:58,515 Hey, James, good to see you again. 126 00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,256 - Ray, good to see you again. - James, how are you? 127 00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:01,866 You all ready for the big show? 128 00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,041 I guess so. 129 00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:04,869 I don't do TV much. 130 00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:05,870 Ever. 131 00:05:07,394 --> 00:05:09,483 First time. 132 00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:11,441 Kind of got some butterflies going. 133 00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:13,051 Well, you know, I don't get the butterflies. 134 00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,227 I just throw up before every live show. 135 00:05:16,751 --> 00:05:18,318 'We're live in 30 seconds.' 136 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,102 Wait, I didn't throw up yet. This is... 137 00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:25,020 How do you sit? Do you sit, do you cross your legs much? 138 00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:27,544 I don't, but I can't. 139 00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,546 'Okay, everybody, stand by.' 140 00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:33,507 'In 5, 4, 3, 2..' 141 00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,378 - Listen, can I get a... - Hello again, everyb-body. 142 00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:38,468 I'm Roy Firestone, and this is Sportscall. 143 00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:40,949 Our guest all this week from the Great Laker championship team 144 00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:44,387 is Mr. James Worthy, and as always the radio voice 145 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:46,563 of the New York Mets, Mr. Kevin Daniels. 146 00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:48,913 - Good to see you, Kevin. - Roy. James. 147 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,219 How are you, folks? 148 00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:52,395 And a brand-new face from Newsday. 149 00:05:52,395 --> 00:05:54,658 'A fine columnist, Mr. Ray Barone.' 150 00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:56,486 - Good to see you, Ray. - Howdy. 151 00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:03,232 Our subject tonight Athletes and steroids. 152 00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:05,147 As you might know, there's an increasing use 153 00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:07,323 of the steroids among amateur athletes 154 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,456 and, Ray, you wrote a very interesting piece about that. 155 00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:11,458 Yes, I did, Roy. 156 00:06:13,764 --> 00:06:15,592 Why don't you tell us about that, Ray? 157 00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:18,421 Um... it's a growing problem. 158 00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:20,075 It's a growing problem. 159 00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:22,425 - Steroids is... - Right. 160 00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:25,472 I'd say it's even, it's gotten to be a bit of a... 161 00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,038 - Mmm... - Epidemic? 162 00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:29,258 No, no, no, it's not an epidemic. 163 00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:31,478 It's out of control. It's-it's kind of like a... 164 00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:36,700 Epidemic. 165 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,485 Yeah. Yeah. 166 00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,312 What they-what they did was, they took a group 167 00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:43,446 of Olympic athletes, and they axed them if using steroids 168 00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:46,449 would guarantee you a gold medal but would also kill you 169 00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,538 uh, in five years, would you still do it? 170 00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:51,149 64% of them said yes. 171 00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:53,369 - Wow, really? - That's alarming. 172 00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:00,245 I really enjoyed the piece. A terrific piece. 173 00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:02,987 - You did a great job. - Oh, thanks. Thanks, Roy. 174 00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,728 You know-you know when a program succeeds like that 175 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:07,427 a lot of that stuff just gets swept right under the rug. 176 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,037 - Right. - Yeah, yeah. 177 00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:11,866 And what's gonna happen is that it's later that these kids 178 00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:14,477 are gonna realize that, oh, they've made 179 00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,740 a horrible mistake, you know? 180 00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,525 They don't realize it at first 181 00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,440 but what happens is, you know 182 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,268 they're sacrificing what once 183 00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:25,706 you know, was the ideal. 184 00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:27,490 The ideal dream. The American dream. 185 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,844 But I have to tell you this one thing... 186 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:41,635 Hello. 187 00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:44,115 - Hooray! - Yay! Yay! 188 00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:45,769 What are you doing? Come on. 189 00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:47,858 - Capturing the moment. - Alright, come on, dad. 190 00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:49,773 - Cut it out. - Great action shot! 191 00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:54,299 Oh, come on, Let me be the first one to hug my big TV star. 192 00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:55,692 - Whoo! - Yeah, it wasn't that good. 193 00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:56,911 Hey, Frank, take a picture. 194 00:07:56,911 --> 00:07:57,955 - Ahaha. - Ah. 195 00:07:57,955 --> 00:07:59,522 Ah, come on, come on, come on. 196 00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:01,524 They should give you the show. 197 00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:03,178 You're better than that other guy. 198 00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:04,527 - Kevin? - No, no, the other one. 199 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,268 The one who was acting like the boss. 200 00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:08,662 Roy Firestone? 201 00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,533 You were the whole show! 202 00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:11,708 Come on. 203 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,196 Now you got television. 204 00:08:23,328 --> 00:08:24,547 Way to go. 205 00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:28,595 Actually I felt a little awkward there, you know. 206 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,248 Oh, you'd never know. Uh-uh. 207 00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:32,860 Here's James Worthy listening to you talk. 208 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:36,037 Oh, dad what? You took pictures of me on the television. 209 00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:39,649 Sure. How often is my son on the tube? 210 00:08:39,649 --> 00:08:41,608 I was on when we busted John Gotti. 211 00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:45,786 Yes, but you didn't have any lines, dear. 212 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,051 - So what did you think? - Oh, you were great. 213 00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:51,443 What did they say at the show? 214 00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:52,575 - Yeah, I think they liked me. - Yeah? 215 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,969 Of course they liked you! 216 00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:57,493 It was like watching Joe Garagiola. 217 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:01,410 Look, this one, this is Roy smiling 218 00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:02,716 at something I said right there. 219 00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:03,934 - Oh. - I remember when he did that. 220 00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,849 Yeah, I saw that. That was great. 221 00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:07,677 - They like you. - Yeah. 222 00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:09,505 Alright, alright, come on! 223 00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:11,681 It's a TV show. That's all it is. 224 00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:13,901 We could blow that one up. That one could get blown up. 225 00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,033 Ray! 226 00:09:25,042 --> 00:09:26,217 Hey, I was just talking to Kevin-- 227 00:09:26,217 --> 00:09:27,610 Hey look at this. Look at this. 228 00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:29,525 Ally drew another picture of our family. 229 00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:32,572 And she still says that these monsters aren't your parents. 230 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,008 Alright, so maybe... 231 00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:36,227 ...maybe they're not. 232 00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:37,664 Ray, this one is bald, 233 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,622 And this one's carrying a covered dish. 234 00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:46,934 You know what, save that. 235 00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:49,893 Someday a therapist may wanna see it. 236 00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:52,330 Listen, I was just talking to Kevin 237 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,550 and Harvey Johnson's gonna be out again tomorrow. 238 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,421 So they want me to do the show again. 239 00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:58,380 Oh, I thought it was just a one-time deal. 240 00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:00,121 Yeah, well, things went pretty well there. 241 00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,558 Everybody seemed to like it, so I figured, hey, why not? 242 00:10:02,558 --> 00:10:04,691 Hey, great, great. 243 00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,257 Yeah, that's really great. 244 00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:10,914 What? 245 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,307 Nothing. 246 00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:14,265 Well, I mean, you're, you're pursing your lips. 247 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,440 What's wrong? 248 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,877 I'm not pursing. 249 00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,015 - Puh-puh-puh! - What? No, I just... 250 00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:28,018 Okay. 251 00:10:28,018 --> 00:10:30,717 Okay, it's just, maybe before the next show 252 00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:33,197 you could just practice a few words. 253 00:10:33,197 --> 00:10:35,417 You kind of had a, just a little bit of trouble saying tonight. 254 00:10:35,417 --> 00:10:36,897 - Like what... - Oh, no, no, no. 255 00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:39,508 Don't get so excited. It is not a big deal. 256 00:10:39,508 --> 00:10:42,076 Come on, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be on television. What are you-- 257 00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:43,425 Okay, look. 258 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:49,953 "Asterisk." You-you were, you were talking about some record 259 00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:51,302 that had an asterisk next to it. 260 00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:53,043 Yeah? Yeah? 261 00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:54,523 Yeah. Asterisk. 262 00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,569 Well, come on. Asterix. 263 00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:01,573 Asterix. 264 00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:02,792 I said asterix on television! 265 00:11:02,792 --> 00:11:04,098 It's okay. 266 00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:05,447 No, no, no, no, it's okay. Just... 267 00:11:05,447 --> 00:11:06,970 Just, asterisk. 268 00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:08,580 - Asterix. - Asterisk. 269 00:11:08,580 --> 00:11:09,756 - Asterix. - Aster-- 270 00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,801 Oh, shut up, I know! Stop showing off! 271 00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,760 Sorry, sorry, sorry. You know what? 272 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,762 Maybe it would be easier if you just break it into two parts. 273 00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:18,765 Aster, risk. 274 00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,636 - Asterisk. - Asterix. 275 00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:22,551 - Ohh. - Hey, hey. 276 00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:25,467 You know, Ray, nobody, nobody even cares. 277 00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:29,776 Next time that word comes up, maybe just say, little star. 278 00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,516 What else? What else? What other words? 279 00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:34,041 Well, I mean, you're asking me, right? 280 00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:35,042 Yeah. 281 00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:38,872 You're asking me. 282 00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:41,657 Yeah, what are you doing? I'm axing you. 283 00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:42,658 Oh. 284 00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:46,444 Yeah. "ask." Sometimes you say... 285 00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:47,619 - Ax. - Yeah. 286 00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:50,492 Ax. Oh, man. 287 00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:52,059 No, no, no, honey, come on. 288 00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:54,061 You just gotta practice those words. 289 00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,846 Just practice those words. 290 00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:59,631 Why? Why didn't you tell me this? 291 00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:03,766 You should've told me the first time I axed you something. 292 00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:06,682 I never thought you were gonna be on television. 293 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:07,901 You know what we could do? 294 00:12:07,901 --> 00:12:09,032 Let's put them all in a sentence. 295 00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:11,295 Say, um... 296 00:12:11,295 --> 00:12:15,343 "I asked you to put the asterisk with the... cinnamon." 297 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,042 Cinnamum? 298 00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:21,828 Cinnamum. 299 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:23,307 Oh, my god, I'm a monkey. 300 00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:27,877 Did I say cinnamum on the show? 301 00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:29,618 No, no, no, no. It's just a good thing to know 302 00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:31,054 for when we're at the IHOP. 303 00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,318 Come on. Come on. 304 00:12:34,318 --> 00:12:37,104 "I asked you to put the asterisk with the cinnamon." 305 00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:38,801 - I asked you... - Good. Good. 306 00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:42,239 ...to put the asterisk with the cinnamum. 307 00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:44,372 Cinnam... 308 00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:45,982 Alright, you know what? No more IHOP. 309 00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,334 Ray, it's just... 310 00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:52,554 It-it's just those couple of words, that's all. 311 00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:54,774 I mean, you were really, we told you, you were great on the show. 312 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,819 Yeah, yeah you told me. You told me. I believed it. 313 00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,429 No, really, honey, you were terrific. 314 00:12:58,429 --> 00:13:00,127 Oh, don't, don't! 315 00:13:01,693 --> 00:13:02,912 I'm sorry I axed. 316 00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:12,922 - Hi. - Oh, hi, dear. You hungry? 317 00:13:12,922 --> 00:13:14,010 - No. - Sit down. 318 00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,490 I'll make you a sandwich. 319 00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:19,842 Oh, ally gave you one of her paintings? 320 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,409 Yeah. 321 00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:23,890 Look how big we are compared to the rest of the family. 322 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:27,719 Yeah, that's great. 323 00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:31,767 Listen, you guys ever notice that I say certain words funny? 324 00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,247 What do you mean? 325 00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:35,336 Like glockenspiel or tushy? 326 00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:39,731 Not funny words, dad. 327 00:13:39,731 --> 00:13:41,124 Do I mispronounce words? 328 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:43,170 - I'm just axking. - No. 329 00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:45,389 I think you speak beautifully, dear. 330 00:13:45,389 --> 00:13:48,001 Why? What's wrong? 331 00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:49,480 Debra thought I had trouble 332 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,004 on the show last night with certain words. 333 00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,788 Oh, that's ridiculous. 334 00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:55,573 It sounds like she's being a little nitpicky. 335 00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:58,489 Yeah? So you really think I was alright last night? 336 00:13:58,489 --> 00:13:59,621 Yeah. 337 00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,101 Oh, good. Good. 338 00:14:01,101 --> 00:14:02,842 'Cause I'm gonna do it again tonight. 339 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,278 They want you back? 340 00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:08,456 Well, what does that mean? 341 00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:11,633 Nothing, it's just that we, we thought it was over. 342 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,680 So you did notice the words. 343 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,292 Listen, you got bigger problems than your little words there. 344 00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:22,165 Like what? 345 00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:24,254 Like scratching the microphone. 346 00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:26,256 Nobody could hear what the hell was going on. 347 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:29,564 But at least the, a-a-at least scratching kept him from waving 348 00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,914 his hands around like he was landing planes. 349 00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:34,003 - The microphone was much worse. - No, no. 350 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,092 It made seem like he'd never been on television before. 351 00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:37,789 He never has been on television before. 352 00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:39,356 But he's had his hands his whole life. 353 00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:41,445 The microphone was much more annoying! 354 00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,143 Ray, which is more annoying? 355 00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:46,929 This... or this? 356 00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:50,933 I did that? 357 00:14:50,933 --> 00:14:52,456 Yeah. Now that you mention it 358 00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:54,632 your voice was kind of monotonous. 359 00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:56,069 I didn't mention that. 360 00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:59,507 Well, you tended to drone on and on, dear. 361 00:15:00,682 --> 00:15:02,075 It was very off-putting. 362 00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:04,816 My God. 363 00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:07,080 You see? Like that. 364 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,386 Most people would say, "My God!" 365 00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:17,568 You gotta try and make your voice go up and down more. 366 00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:20,049 - High and low. - Mm-hmm. 367 00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:22,878 I would absolutely love a nice dill pickle. 368 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,274 Pickle, Marie. 369 00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:29,319 Oh, oh. 370 00:15:34,672 --> 00:15:37,153 Wait, so, so let me get this straight, dad. 371 00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:40,330 Everything you said after the show last night was a lie. 372 00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:42,680 And behind my back, you've been talking about how bad I was. 373 00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:47,468 You think I stunk. 374 00:15:47,468 --> 00:15:48,991 You think I stunk! 375 00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:51,167 Oh, what difference would make what we think? 376 00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,821 They asked you back. 377 00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,866 But keep in mind some of the things we told you 378 00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,825 because I gotta see people during the day. 379 00:15:58,305 --> 00:16:00,394 Oh, my god. The supermarket. 380 00:16:02,874 --> 00:16:05,442 You lie to me. You lie to me and you do it so well. 381 00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:07,227 How long has this been going on? 382 00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:09,359 Three weeks. 383 00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:17,585 'Oh, my God, look at you.' 384 00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:19,326 Look at you. Oh, my God. 385 00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:22,285 You-you've been lying to me my whole life, haven't you? 386 00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:24,157 "Oh, oh, Raymond, you're such a great writer 387 00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:25,985 you could've been writing poetry." 388 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,290 How about in high school, ma? 389 00:16:27,290 --> 00:16:28,726 "Oh, don't worry, Ray, the girls 390 00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:30,076 they don't know what they're missing." 391 00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:33,383 They knew! They knew, and they didn't miss it. 392 00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,516 How about this, ma? Were you lying when you said 393 00:16:35,516 --> 00:16:38,214 "Oh, the day you were born was the happiest day of our lives"? 394 00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:40,521 No, that's true, it was. 395 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:44,916 Don't eat that now, Robert. 396 00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:49,617 What's going on? 397 00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,749 Hey, you know they've been lying to us our whole lives? 398 00:16:51,749 --> 00:16:54,752 Any time they ever tried to make us feel good about ourselves. 399 00:16:54,752 --> 00:16:56,189 When did that happen to me? 400 00:16:58,626 --> 00:17:01,411 Oh, honey, I'm sure we lied to you plenty of times. 401 00:17:03,761 --> 00:17:05,024 You got to get your own place, man. 402 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,634 Oh, don't be silly. 403 00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:08,157 We love having you here. 404 00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:11,073 Oh, my God. 405 00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:15,469 Ray, we told you you were a good writer 406 00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:18,080 so that you would think you were a good writer, see? 407 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,126 Then somebody gave you a job. 408 00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:21,692 That's what parents do. 409 00:17:21,692 --> 00:17:24,173 They all lie to their kids for their own good. 410 00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:27,481 But... other parents aren't lying, ma. 411 00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:29,309 They believe in their children. 412 00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:30,788 No, they don't. 413 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,882 Alright, that's it. That's it, okay? 414 00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,058 No more lies, alright? 415 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,363 Don't help me anymore! 416 00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:42,148 - That was good. High and low. - Mmm. 417 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:46,239 'Use that on the show tonight.' 418 00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,676 Oh, my God I can't believe I gotta do a show now. 419 00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:49,807 'You'll be wonderful, dear.' 420 00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:52,593 Ma, please, no more lies! 421 00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,164 They say that because the pros can hit it so far 422 00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:00,688 that they should lengthen the length of all the courses 423 00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:04,474 and, uh... you know, I know I'm probably droning on here 424 00:18:04,474 --> 00:18:06,389 but, um... 425 00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:07,999 ...but what about, what about tradition? 426 00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:11,002 There's always tradition and history and-and stuff 427 00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:13,135 and I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. 428 00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:16,182 I-I support the changes in baseball, but... 429 00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,314 Lo-loook, let me ax, ax... 430 00:18:18,314 --> 00:18:21,056 Ask you something here. Uh... 431 00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:25,104 Shouldn't a sport sometimes should adopt, adapt... 432 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,106 ...adapt and grow, but aren't there times that a sport 433 00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:30,413 shouldn't adopt, adapt, and, uh... 434 00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:32,198 ...and not grow? Probably not grow. 435 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:02,184 Oh, hi, honey. 436 00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:04,012 That didn't go very well, did it? 437 00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:10,932 Not your best moment there, Raymond. 438 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:15,763 What are you doing? 439 00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:19,201 We're being honest. You said that's what you wanted. 440 00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,464 I could've eaten a box of alpha-bits 441 00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,162 and crapped a better interview. 442 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,133 Well, what did you think? 443 00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:40,831 Honey, I begged you to say "little star." 444 00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,184 And it was even worse than last time. 445 00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:48,317 You made me hate TV. 446 00:19:52,582 --> 00:19:54,323 Want me to play it back for you, Raymond? 447 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,371 Alright. Alright, alright, come on. 448 00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:00,416 Look I wanted you to be honest, but... 449 00:20:00,416 --> 00:20:02,592 It couldn't have been all bad. 450 00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:05,508 Come on, dad, I made my voice go high and low like you said. 451 00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:08,119 That didn't work. 452 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,904 What about my little Steinbrenner joke? 453 00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:11,297 Wasn't funny. 454 00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,734 It's not nice to hurt other people's feelings. 455 00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:15,214 Well, what about this? 456 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,606 This is funny. 457 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,351 Alright, come on. I mean, it could've been... 458 00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:24,005 There had to be something there. 459 00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:26,616 I was, I-I sat there, and... 460 00:20:26,616 --> 00:20:27,617 Come on. 461 00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:29,358 Come on! 462 00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:33,580 I thought there were a lot of good things, Ray. 463 00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:34,624 - Yeah? - Yeah. 464 00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:36,278 Like, those other guys are so 465 00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:39,629 polished and professional, and you were really, like, human. 466 00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:41,544 Yeah. 467 00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:42,850 Yeah, but what about what I said, though? 468 00:20:42,850 --> 00:20:44,068 I mean, did it make sense? 469 00:20:44,068 --> 00:20:45,853 Oh, yes. Yeah. 470 00:20:45,853 --> 00:20:47,246 I got some of it. 471 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,988 So I mean, it wasn't a total disaster? 472 00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:52,729 - No. Not total. - Oh, not what we meant at all. 473 00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:54,165 - No. - No. 474 00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:57,647 Well, how many total disasters are there? 475 00:20:57,647 --> 00:21:00,868 Yeah. Ray, the fact that you could go on live television 476 00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:04,132 with such little experience, that really says a lot. 477 00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:06,265 You were great, dear. 478 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,179 At least I tried it, right? I mean, it's better. 479 00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:10,834 It's better to try than to... not try. 480 00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:13,272 Yes! Yes. You gotta get in there, you gotta try... 481 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,277 - I mean you were so good. - Okay! 482 00:21:19,103 --> 00:21:20,061 Okay. 483 00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:23,847 Thanks. 484 00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:25,458 Better than Broadway. 485 00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:27,808 Okay. 486 00:21:27,808 --> 00:21:29,505 Alright, I got some makeup on. 487 00:21:29,505 --> 00:21:31,246 I'm gonna take the makeup off, and then I'll come back. 488 00:21:31,246 --> 00:21:32,726 Okay. Yeah. 489 00:21:32,726 --> 00:21:34,815 You were so good, I bet they have you back on again. 490 00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:36,251 - I'm sure they will. - Yeah. 491 00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:37,687 It's all about you, Raymond. 492 00:21:42,431 --> 00:21:43,389 Robert. 493 00:21:55,879 --> 00:21:56,837 Phew. 494 00:21:59,274 --> 00:22:00,928 I don't think that was a total disaster. 495 00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:08,196 Well, how many total disasters are there?