1 00:00:02,567 --> 00:00:03,786 Hey, bye, guys! 2 00:00:03,873 --> 00:00:05,918 Have fun at the Happy Zone! Don't forget... 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,052 ...run around a lot and get very tired. 4 00:00:09,139 --> 00:00:11,968 Okay, say goodbye to daddy, kids. 5 00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,188 - Bye, daddy. - Buh-bye! 6 00:00:14,275 --> 00:00:15,580 Yeah. 7 00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:17,756 Daddy's really gonna miss us. 8 00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:19,976 - What? What do you mean? I am! - Yeah, yeah. 9 00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,456 I just, I've got a ton of stuff to do. 10 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,414 Oh, yeah. Okay. Fine. Bye. 11 00:00:43,869 --> 00:00:45,654 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah! 12 00:00:51,747 --> 00:00:54,315 'Hello?' 13 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:55,838 Anybody home? 14 00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,013 Oh. 15 00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:02,018 'Raymond?' 16 00:01:06,414 --> 00:01:07,676 Hello? 17 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,390 Hey. 18 00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:28,436 Raymond, what are you doing? 19 00:01:28,523 --> 00:01:31,656 I'm-I'm playing hide-and-seek with the kids here. 20 00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,051 Oh, hide-and-seek. Move over. 21 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:48,456 Hi, I'm Ray and I live here in Long Island with my wife, Debra. 22 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:51,372 My six year old daughter, and twin, two year old boys. 23 00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:52,590 Whee! 24 00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:56,116 My parents live across the street. 25 00:01:57,291 --> 00:01:58,770 That's right. 26 00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:02,165 And my brother lives with them. 27 00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:04,559 Now, not every family would defy gravity for you 28 00:02:04,646 --> 00:02:06,126 but mine would because... 29 00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:07,605 Everybody loves Raymond. 30 00:02:08,606 --> 00:02:10,086 Hey, you didn't, uh... 31 00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:14,786 'What's this?' 32 00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:16,223 Oh, that's the invitation 33 00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,442 to Tom and Marianne's baby shower this weekend. 34 00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:20,966 Baby shower? Why is it addressed to both of us? 35 00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:23,230 'Cause you're invited too. It's for couples. 36 00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:24,883 - Couples? - Yeah. 37 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:28,365 Well, since when does the guy have to go to that? 38 00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:33,109 Oh, come on. They're screwing with nature now. 39 00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:35,024 Well, you know, it's their first baby. 40 00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:37,200 They're still excited. 41 00:02:37,287 --> 00:02:38,723 "Dear Ray and Debra 42 00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:41,204 we hope each of our guests will make a presentation." 43 00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:42,423 What? 44 00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,425 "You can recite a poem do a skit. 45 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:49,952 The proud parents will tape it as a tribute for the child." 46 00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,388 Tribute? 47 00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:54,174 Oh, who's she's got in there, Gandhi? 48 00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:56,132 I can't go by myself. You got to come with me. 49 00:02:57,568 --> 00:03:00,136 Debra, I got the twins down 50 00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:02,965 and I made your bed, and I hung up some clothes. 51 00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:07,491 I tell you so you won't be shocked later. 52 00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:10,538 What is that? 53 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:13,454 Huzzah! Huzzah! 54 00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:15,847 It's my dad and his crazy friend Harry 55 00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:17,980 and they're running at our house. 56 00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:23,377 Marie, water. 57 00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:24,943 What are you doing, dad? 58 00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,946 Attacking your house. 59 00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:31,211 Harry got your father back into the Civil War reenacting. 60 00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:32,908 Damn glad I did. 61 00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:34,562 I'm proud to lead this beautiful bastard 62 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:37,042 into battle. 63 00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:38,783 So you're one of those guys 64 00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,829 who, like, gets dressed up in uniforms 65 00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,614 and recreates battles and... 66 00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:46,400 I like war. 67 00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,837 Your father's a lieutenant. 68 00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:50,186 It's make-believe, ma. 69 00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:54,146 He could be Lincoln if he wanted to. 70 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,626 Ah, Miss Marie. 71 00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:56,975 Hello, Harry. 72 00:03:57,062 --> 00:03:58,934 Please, ma'am, call me Jeb. 73 00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:00,631 Oh, well. 74 00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,938 Hello, Jeb. 75 00:04:03,025 --> 00:04:04,853 You are a sight for sore eyes. 76 00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:10,032 And mine are pretty sore. 77 00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,208 Dad, what are you getting back into this now for? 78 00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:14,602 Next weekend is our big 25th anniversary. 79 00:04:14,689 --> 00:04:19,563 We're reenacting our reenactment of the battle of Gettysburg. 80 00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:22,436 Hey, Ray, about next weekend, I was wondering-- 81 00:04:22,523 --> 00:04:25,003 Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa. 00 already. 82 00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:27,310 I got to call that guy. The darn guy. Darn it. 83 00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:29,573 What guy? The darn guy about the thing 84 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,010 with the, uh... 85 00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:36,928 The other guy. Get in here. 86 00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:39,279 Good cover, Ray. You're brilliant at this. 87 00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:41,585 My father's about to ask me to go to this war thing. 88 00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:42,891 What am I gonna do? 89 00:04:42,978 --> 00:04:44,588 Well, you tell him you can't do it. 90 00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:49,767 I can't just turn him down. Look how excited he is. 91 00:04:49,854 --> 00:04:53,205 No. No. I got to tell him I'm going somewhere else. 92 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,424 Well, you are going somewhere else. 93 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,252 You're going to the baby shower. 94 00:04:56,339 --> 00:05:00,169 Oh, God. 95 00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:02,432 Hey, what if I tell him 96 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:03,955 I'm going to the baby shower, right? 97 00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:05,653 He goes to his thing, you go to your thing 98 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:10,222 and I make sure that things are good here. 99 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,790 Hey, no. 100 00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:15,532 Uh, hey, Ray, we're gonna get going 101 00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:18,622 but I wanted to ask you about next weekend. 102 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:22,713 Yeah, next weekend I'm going to a baby shower. 103 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,107 - What? - Yeah. 104 00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:28,066 It's for couples. That's how they do it now. 105 00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:31,200 Well, I was gonna ask you, since I'm gonna be at war 106 00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:34,421 if you wouldn't mind taking out my recyclables. 107 00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:35,726 That's what you wanted to ask me? 108 00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:37,728 'Yeah.' 109 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:41,950 Hey, you know what my son's doing while I'm out fighting? 110 00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:43,952 He's going to a baby shower. 111 00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:46,737 Oh, yeah? 112 00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:49,261 Back in Civil War days we had names for guys like you. 113 00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:53,440 They're pretty much like the names we have for you today. 114 00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:59,315 Alright. This house is secure. 115 00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:00,708 I want lunch! 116 00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:04,799 May I escort you across the street, Miss Marie? 117 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:08,193 Thank you, Jeb. What a gentleman. 118 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,326 Hey, if you're gonna act like you're stealing her away 119 00:06:10,413 --> 00:06:11,545 don't tease me. 120 00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:13,068 Steal her away! 121 00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,725 Have a nice shower, Nancy. 122 00:06:23,295 --> 00:06:24,906 Hey, Ray, listen. I was thinking about what we could do 123 00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:27,082 for our presentation for the baby shower. 124 00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:28,518 Oh, I was thinking about that too. 125 00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:29,563 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 126 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,086 Here's what I was thinking. 127 00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:32,392 We could get up there right in front of everybody... 128 00:06:32,479 --> 00:06:33,784 This will be great. 129 00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:37,397 And then I put an ax through my head, alright? 130 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:41,488 Then you do the presentation by yourself 131 00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:43,707 because, thank God, I'm dead. 132 00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:51,672 You know, as much as I like that... 133 00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:55,763 ...it's gonna be tough to follow. 134 00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,634 Please, don't make me go. 135 00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,593 Look, as bad as this shower might be 136 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,247 it doesn't even compare to your dad's Civil War thing. 137 00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:03,727 Think about your poor brother. 138 00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:05,816 Yeah. 139 00:07:05,903 --> 00:07:06,948 Why? 140 00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:10,038 'Cause he's going to it. 141 00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,475 I mean, can you imagine being stuck in a tent with your dad? 142 00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,303 That's where you need the ax. 143 00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:17,828 Wait a minute. Robert's going to this thing? 144 00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:19,090 Yeah. 145 00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:20,396 My dad asked him to go? 146 00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,137 Uh, yeah. Your mom told me. 147 00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,794 What, Robert's so great? 148 00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,494 - No, I don't think that-- - And I get the recycling. 149 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,758 He doesn't even ask me. 150 00:07:34,845 --> 00:07:36,978 I mean, my father should ask me, shouldn't he? 151 00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:38,240 Why didn't he ask? 152 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,634 Well, would you have gone? 153 00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:42,287 Of course not. 154 00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:46,422 But why does he want Robert to go and not me? 155 00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:48,816 What's wrong with me? 156 00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:56,258 Ray, I didn't know that you'd be feeling so... 157 00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,086 Wait a minute. 158 00:07:58,173 --> 00:07:59,566 You're not acting all hurt 159 00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:01,089 just so I'll tell you you should go with your dad 160 00:08:01,176 --> 00:08:03,526 so that you can get out of the baby shower, are you? 161 00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:07,487 I'm not that smart. 162 00:08:15,277 --> 00:08:16,234 Hey. 163 00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:18,454 - Hey. - Mm. 164 00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:21,196 Whoa, man. It's pretty cold out there. 165 00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:22,632 What is that, breakfast? 166 00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:25,461 An authentic Civil War breakfast. 167 00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:27,071 Your mother makes a hell of a jerky. 168 00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:30,161 Yeah, you could swear this was made in 1863, huh? 169 00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:33,295 So you guys, you're really looking forward 170 00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:34,731 to this reenactment thing, huh? 171 00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:36,385 Hey, can't wait. 172 00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:38,213 Violence without paperwork. 173 00:08:40,432 --> 00:08:42,217 So I guess everybody who signed up 174 00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:44,349 what are they, they're already signed up already? 175 00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:46,308 Yeah. Why? 176 00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:49,050 I don't know. 177 00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:50,355 What are you saying? 178 00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:53,184 You want to go to the reenactment? 179 00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:54,621 You asking me? 180 00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:55,839 You want to go? 181 00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:58,668 I don't know. You asking me? 182 00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:00,017 If I ask you, would you go? 183 00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:01,584 Are you asking Raymond? 184 00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:03,368 I don't know. Does he want to go? 185 00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:04,500 Why are you asking me? 186 00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,154 I don't.. Do you want to go? 187 00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:08,939 Alright, alright, I'll go! 188 00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:10,462 Thank you for asking. 189 00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:13,378 Alright, I got to go over to Harry's 190 00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:15,946 and tell him we need another uniform. 191 00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,948 - Can't you call him? - No. 192 00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:19,863 In his world, the phone won't be invented 193 00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,343 for another 13 years. 194 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,614 What? 195 00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,094 You really want to do this, huh? 196 00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:37,141 Well, you're going. 197 00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:39,187 Do you have any idea what you're getting into? 198 00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:41,450 Well, yeah. Yeah. 199 00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:43,104 No bed... 200 00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,409 ...no heat... 201 00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:45,802 ...no shower. 202 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,761 Weather report for next weekend... 203 00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:48,979 ...snow. 204 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,853 - Alright. - Meals are hardtack, jerky. 205 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:55,769 And whatever water you can wring out of your socks. 206 00:09:55,856 --> 00:09:57,597 Oh, so you're this big Civil War freak now 207 00:09:57,684 --> 00:09:59,599 just 'cause dad asked you to go first, right? 208 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,818 He didn't ask me. 209 00:10:01,905 --> 00:10:03,690 - What? - He didn't ask me. 210 00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:06,083 Since when does dad ask us to do anything with him? 211 00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,519 I had to enlist. 212 00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:13,264 Oh, god, I don't believe this! 213 00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,530 I only did this because... 214 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:21,359 Because you thought he asked me and not you. 215 00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,188 And now you have to go. 216 00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:31,456 Hey, better bring a newspaper. 217 00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:34,329 They had newspapers then. 218 00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,287 They didn't have toilet paper. 219 00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,252 - Debra. - Hmm? 220 00:10:44,339 --> 00:10:50,475 "Newsday" or "USA Today"... 221 00:10:50,562 --> 00:10:51,781 ...which is softer? 222 00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,439 I don't know. 223 00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:01,051 I'll bring 'em both. I'll read one of 'em. 224 00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:06,578 What's all that stuff? 225 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,276 It's for that reenactment thing. 226 00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:09,843 I got to go over to my father's house tomorrow and get ready. 227 00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:11,279 Oh, what are you bringing? 228 00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:13,542 Essentials. You know, stuff for war. 229 00:11:15,196 --> 00:11:17,241 Rice Krispie Treats? 230 00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,809 I don't think they had those in the Civil War. 231 00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:22,420 - I never read that anywhere. - Itty bitty book light? 232 00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:25,554 Yeah, alright. Take it easy, okay? I got to get ready. 233 00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:26,990 What do you mean? It's a week away. 234 00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:28,426 I thought you were dreading this thing. 235 00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:31,342 I am dreading it, the war part. 236 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,997 The war part. What else is there? 237 00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:36,521 Well, there's my father. 238 00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:38,175 You know, it's the weirdest thing. 239 00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:40,264 At first, I just wanted to get asked 240 00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:42,266 but, you know, we never did stuff together, me and him. 241 00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:45,617 Now I just.. I kind of want to go with him. 242 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,576 - Really? - 'Yeah.' 243 00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:49,709 War makes people do crazy things. 244 00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:55,845 'Hello?' 245 00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,804 Hey, Ray, we're down here in the basement. 246 00:11:57,891 --> 00:11:59,109 Yeah, come on down, Ray. 247 00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,720 Check your skirt at the door. 248 00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:04,375 Hey, did Harry drop off my uniform? 249 00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:05,899 He's on his way over now. 250 00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:07,770 I was just about to show Robert 251 00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,554 how to act when you get shot. 252 00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:11,513 What, like upset? 253 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,168 No. No, it's got to be realistic. 254 00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,735 Here. Here, let me show you. 255 00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,475 Robert, make a gunshot noise. 256 00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,478 What caliber, .22 or... What are you, .45? 257 00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:21,610 - Ray. - Bang. 258 00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:24,004 I'm hit. 259 00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:27,224 Keep fighting, men. 260 00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:29,574 Kill those rebel bastards. 261 00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:36,843 Abigail. 262 00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:40,890 Dear Abigail 263 00:12:41,978 --> 00:12:43,588 my pretty, young 264 00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:46,243 non-nagging Civil War wife. 265 00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:50,291 Oh, Abigail. 266 00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:54,904 See? 267 00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:57,080 Getting shot is fun. 268 00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,821 Not if you're watching. 269 00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:03,260 Oh, here, I think I pulled everything I have. 270 00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:04,392 Give me a hand. 271 00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,482 - Come on. - There you go. 272 00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:08,613 You alright, dad? 273 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,224 Sure, sure. Thanks. 274 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:11,573 See? 275 00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:13,880 That's what the Civil War is about 276 00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:16,186 families coming together... 277 00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:18,058 To kill other families. 278 00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,190 Amen. 279 00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,541 Hey, you know what just occurred to me? 280 00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:25,282 If someone really dies 281 00:13:25,369 --> 00:13:28,546 you don't find out about it till the car ride home. 282 00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,722 Look at this. Look at this old pocket knife. 283 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,421 It's got initials on it, A.B. Who's A.B? 284 00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:36,119 - Albert Barone, my father. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 285 00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:37,468 Oh, yeah? He gave that to you? 286 00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:38,992 Yeah, yeah. 287 00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:41,690 It's pretty cool. When? When did he give you this? 288 00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:44,998 Yeah, we were always camping, hiking, canoeing. 289 00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:47,348 Guess he gave it to me on one of those trips. 290 00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:49,611 Oh, yeah? Hey, this is history. 291 00:13:49,698 --> 00:13:51,004 I can take this on the reenactment with me. 292 00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:52,701 No, no. 293 00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:54,834 They had no knives like this during the Civil War. 294 00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:56,748 Everything has to be completely authentic. 295 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,489 - 'Yeah.' - See these pants? 296 00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,013 No zipper. 297 00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:03,755 Good luck with that. 298 00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:06,628 Good morning, men. 299 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:08,369 - Morning, sir! - Morning, sir! 300 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:11,807 Hi. 301 00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:15,942 You'll be pleased to know that the battlefield is ours. 302 00:14:16,029 --> 00:14:18,509 The carnival and the petting zoo have moved on. 303 00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,163 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 304 00:14:21,338 --> 00:14:23,384 Here's your uniform. 305 00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:25,038 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 306 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:27,040 - This is a different color. - You didn't tell him? 307 00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:30,130 Oh, yeah. The South's short a few guys 308 00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:31,914 so you're gonna have to fight on their side. 309 00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:36,049 - South? - Hey. 310 00:14:36,136 --> 00:14:37,746 Come on, I don't want to fight on the South. 311 00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,530 I want to be with you guys at this thing. 312 00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,228 A rebel in a Union Camp? 313 00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:43,012 That is out of the question, soldier. 314 00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:45,449 I'm not a rebel! 315 00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:46,929 Come on. I don't know those guys. 316 00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:49,149 I'm gonna be all shy. 317 00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:50,802 Don't make me slap you. 318 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:55,416 I'm never gonna pass for a Southerner, okay? 319 00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:57,809 What if they hear me talk? 320 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,724 Maybe they'll hang you as a spy. 321 00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:03,032 Robert, want to give me a hand? 322 00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,947 I have a cannon in the trunk of my car. 323 00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:08,908 Sir, yes, sir! 324 00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:11,606 Wait. Robert, talk to this guy, will you? 325 00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:13,303 Come on, I don't want to fight for the South. 326 00:15:13,390 --> 00:15:17,307 I can't eat grits and say "y'all." 327 00:15:17,394 --> 00:15:18,700 I like you on the other side. 328 00:15:18,787 --> 00:15:19,962 It's more authentic. 329 00:15:20,049 --> 00:15:23,400 Brother against brother. 330 00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:33,149 Oh, my feet are killing me. 331 00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:36,892 I think these boots are a size too small. 332 00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:41,070 Tell me, what's it say on the bottom of my right boot? 333 00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:42,811 Left. 334 00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:46,946 Oh, crap. What's it say on the other one? 335 00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:49,644 Guess. 336 00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:52,429 Alright, help me off with them, will you? 337 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,954 Hey, dad, are you sure 338 00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:57,043 I can't be on your side at this thing? 339 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:59,436 I told you, the South's a few guys short. 340 00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:02,135 Look, try yanking from the heel, okay? 341 00:16:02,222 --> 00:16:04,180 You know, I kind of thought 342 00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:07,140 I'd be on your side on this thing, you know with you. 343 00:16:07,227 --> 00:16:09,011 Look, I know what you're worried about. 344 00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,882 If we should come face-to-face out there 345 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:14,277 I'll just shoot you in the hand, alright? 346 00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:16,845 Aah! You're twisting. What's the matter with you? 347 00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:18,673 Look, either I'm on your side on this thing 348 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,109 or I'm not gonna go, okay? 349 00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:21,676 You can't desert now. 350 00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:25,419 There's no desert, dad. There's no war here! 351 00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,160 It's just dressing up in costumes 352 00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:30,598 like it's Halloween, with your friend Harry/Jeb. 353 00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:34,776 You shut up now. 354 00:16:36,169 --> 00:16:37,909 This means something to us. 355 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,042 There's camaraderie here. 356 00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:42,131 There's spirit. 357 00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:45,091 You don't understand anything about this. 358 00:16:45,178 --> 00:16:46,744 You have no idea what it feels like 359 00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:49,182 to stand on a battlefield pretending to fight 360 00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:51,097 for something you believe in. 361 00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,973 Look, I'm not talking about that, dad, okay? 362 00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,496 Then why do you want to go? 363 00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:01,933 Believe it or not, to be with you. 364 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,848 'Why can't you do something with me for once?' 365 00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:05,850 What are you talking about? We do stuff. 366 00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:08,331 What? What do we do, dad? What? What do we ever do? 367 00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:10,594 I can't believe you're giving me all this grief 368 00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:12,857 just because you're not on my side in this thing. 369 00:17:12,944 --> 00:17:14,598 I'm sorry I asked you to go. 370 00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:16,035 You didn't ask me to go. 371 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,340 - Yes, I did. - No, you didn't. 372 00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:18,820 I said, "Do you want to go?" 373 00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,430 Yeah, you said, "Do you want to go?" 374 00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:22,998 not, "Do you want to go because I want you to go?" 375 00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:30,397 Oh, my God. 376 00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:32,355 You are gonna get passed around the campfire 377 00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,183 like a bag of chips. 378 00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:40,059 Alright. Forget about it, then. 379 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,974 Forget it. I won't go. Alright. 380 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,674 You know, I just... I thought maybe you... 381 00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:48,545 We could do something together for once 382 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:50,591 you know, like you did with your father. 383 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,114 - What are you talking about? - What do you mean? 384 00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:53,463 What do you mean what am I talking about? 385 00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:55,030 Didn't you just tell me he gave you the knife? 386 00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:57,511 He took you hunting and fishing and canoeing. 387 00:17:57,598 --> 00:17:59,034 Didn't you just tell me that, dad? 388 00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:01,254 Or what, is that all pretend too? 389 00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:12,874 It is. It is, isn't it? 390 00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:19,837 Are you gonna help me off with the damn boots or what? 391 00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:32,720 Turn. Turn the foot, dad. 392 00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:38,073 You know... 393 00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,774 ...I tried to be better than him. 394 00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,647 I know, dad. I know. 395 00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:50,129 Look, you're good at that, aren't you... 396 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,654 ...doing stuff with your kids? 397 00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:56,657 I'm alright. 398 00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:59,181 I could be better too. 399 00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:01,357 You know, but they'll probably be better with their kids 400 00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:04,055 so we're on the right track here. 401 00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:07,537 Your great, great grandchildren 402 00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:09,713 will probably be excellent parents. 403 00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:14,065 Yeah. 404 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:18,505 So are you gonna come to this thing with me or not? 405 00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:20,855 Alright. Stop asking. 406 00:19:20,942 --> 00:19:24,075 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come here. Come here. 407 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,077 I got to teach you the Civil War handshake. 408 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,818 - Dad. - Here, not like that. 409 00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:30,169 You got to clasp forearms like this. 410 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:31,779 - Right. - It's stronger. 411 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:32,910 Like this here? 412 00:19:32,997 --> 00:19:34,260 - Yeah. - Okay. 413 00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:43,486 You know, you're shaking hands with a Confederate here. 414 00:19:43,573 --> 00:19:46,010 Yeah, you don't have much of a grip there, Nancy. 415 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,367 Debra? Debra, you've got to see this. 416 00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:56,673 Come on. 417 00:20:04,115 --> 00:20:08,772 We're just here to say farewell to our kinfolk. 418 00:20:08,859 --> 00:20:10,513 Ray, your ride's here. 419 00:20:30,185 --> 00:20:31,447 Listen, if I don't come back 420 00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:33,232 it's 'cause I died of embarrassment. 421 00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,757 Well, I do declare 422 00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:39,803 you look so very fine in your uniform. 423 00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,762 I believe I've got the vapors. 424 00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:46,680 Where were you last night? 425 00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:48,769 Come on. I don't want them to start without us. 426 00:20:48,856 --> 00:20:50,423 That's right. 427 00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:53,513 All the good killing's in the first five minutes. 428 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,297 Hey, kids, when I come back from the war 429 00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:56,994 we're gonna go to the Happy Zone, right? 430 00:20:57,081 --> 00:20:58,213 I hope you win, daddy. 431 00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,868 Don't bet on it, kid. 432 00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:03,392 Hey, here. Ray, sign this card for the baby shower. 433 00:21:03,479 --> 00:21:05,176 Oh, sorry. Got to go. 434 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:09,920 Oh, come on. What am I gonna tell Tom and Marianne? 435 00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:12,009 Frankly, my dear... 436 00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:17,450 I don't give a damn. 437 00:21:29,331 --> 00:21:30,463 Idiots. 438 00:21:43,258 --> 00:21:44,738 Huzzah! 439 00:21:48,089 --> 00:21:49,656 I can't believe you shot me, Robert. 440 00:21:51,701 --> 00:21:53,747 Stop talking. You're ruining it. 441 00:21:55,401 --> 00:21:57,141 I got to lie here all afternoon? 442 00:21:57,228 --> 00:21:59,405 It's got to be authentic. 443 00:21:59,492 --> 00:22:01,058 What authentic? 444 00:22:01,145 --> 00:22:03,322 Stonewall Jackson's wearing a beeper. 445 00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:08,979 His wife's pregnant.