1 00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:05,831 - Whoo! - Whoa! 2 00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:08,008 Shh! Come on. Keep it down. 3 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,053 I just got the kids to bed. 4 00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:13,926 It's gotta be loud. It's "Cops." 5 00:00:13,926 --> 00:00:16,364 You can't enjoy violence without volume. 6 00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:20,020 Ow! Oh, you're right. 7 00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:24,546 Look at this guy who's running away. 8 00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:26,548 Ooh. Whoo. Look at this guy go. 9 00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:29,333 Move it, dude. 10 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,205 - Oh, good. - What are you doing? 11 00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:32,641 You don't root for the perp. 12 00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:37,907 - He's the underdog. - He's a criminal. 13 00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:40,301 Just sayin' look at the moves on this guy. 14 00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:43,173 The giants could use him. 15 00:00:43,173 --> 00:00:46,350 Oh, big mistake. He's going into the alley. 16 00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:50,050 My boys should be coming right... now. 17 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,573 What? Oh, you seen this one already. 18 00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,879 No, no, no, that's the way they do it, see? 19 00:00:53,879 --> 00:00:55,664 First of all, you set up a perimeter, right? 20 00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:57,622 You close off all the avenues of escape. 21 00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,842 It's like catching a mouse. 22 00:00:59,842 --> 00:01:04,107 Hey, I've seen you with a mouse. 23 00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:07,502 Remember this? Aah! 24 00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:15,205 Remember me beatin' the crap outta you? 25 00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:22,952 Ah, they got the bracelets on him. He ain't goin' nowhere. 26 00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:24,301 Of course he's not going anywhere. 27 00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:26,564 The show's called "Cops." It's fixed. 28 00:01:26,564 --> 00:01:28,784 You never see the bad guy getting away. 29 00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:31,700 Let 'em get their own show. 30 00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:34,050 You see the way they ran that punk down? 31 00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:36,008 You ever run like that? 32 00:01:36,008 --> 00:01:38,272 - I've been known to. - Yeah, when? When do you run? 33 00:01:38,272 --> 00:01:40,578 - When I have to. - Yeah. 34 00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:43,364 Last time you ran was when the wind took your balloon. 35 00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,116 What are you saying, Raymond? 36 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,467 - Nothing. Nothing. - You don't think I do this? 37 00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:00,990 Come on, this is show biz. 38 00:02:00,990 --> 00:02:02,600 This is three months of filming 39 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,993 cut down to half an hour. 40 00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:07,997 What? 41 00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:12,436 Want to go on a ride-along? 42 00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:16,005 - What? - A citizen's ride-along. 43 00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:18,790 Come on, big shot. Spend a shift in the back of my patrol car. 44 00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:22,577 What and drive around with you? 45 00:02:22,577 --> 00:02:23,969 Mm-hmm. That's right. 46 00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,102 Put your ass where your mouth is. 47 00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:36,243 - Why would I want to-- - You know what I mean! 48 00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:38,636 - What's the matter, you scared? - I'm not-I'm not scared. 49 00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:41,204 - I'll go anytime. - How about tonight? 50 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,466 - I can't go tonight. - Yeah. 51 00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:43,815 That's 'cause you're scared. 52 00:02:43,815 --> 00:02:45,295 Alright, go ahead. I'll go. 53 00:02:45,295 --> 00:02:47,036 You set it up, and I'll go. 54 00:02:47,036 --> 00:02:49,430 Alright, fine, I'll check with my partner 55 00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:51,780 and we'll get you a vest. 56 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,348 What do you mean, a vest? 57 00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:58,221 Bullet... proof... vest. 58 00:03:01,093 --> 00:03:03,618 Okay, fine. 59 00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:06,664 Fine. Go ahead. Go right ahead. 60 00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:09,885 I'll just, I'll check with my partner. Hey, Deb. 61 00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:12,888 Robert wants me to go with him on his patrol tonight 62 00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:15,760 you know, and sit in the car where all the action is 63 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:19,199 and wear a bulletproof vest, okay? 64 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,635 Sure. Have fun. 65 00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:26,293 ♪ Bum-ba-da-dun ♪ 66 00:03:34,475 --> 00:03:36,781 Hi, I'm Ray, and I live here in Long Island 67 00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:40,916 with my wife Debra, my six-year-old daughter 68 00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:43,832 and twin two-year-old boys. 69 00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:48,706 My parents live across the street. 70 00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,142 That's right. 71 00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:53,537 And my brother lives with 'em. 72 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:56,105 Now, not every family would defy gravity for you 73 00:03:56,105 --> 00:03:57,541 but mine would because-- 74 00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:59,978 Everybody loves Raymond. 75 00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,763 Hey, you didn't, uh... 76 00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:10,554 Frank, what are you doing? Close the refrigerator. 77 00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:14,123 - Put that on a plate. - I don't want a plate. 78 00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:15,516 I just want a couple of bites. 79 00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:19,868 That's disgusting, sticking your fork in there. 80 00:04:19,868 --> 00:04:21,696 Now nobody else can eat it. 81 00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:24,525 That's all it takes? 82 00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:26,962 This fork was in the ice cream too. 83 00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:29,312 Oh! 84 00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:31,619 Oh, hi, dear. You hungry? 85 00:04:31,619 --> 00:04:34,448 I'm sorry, I can't offer you lasagna or ice cream. 86 00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,928 Or chocolate cake. Mmh. Mmh. Mmh. 87 00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:42,325 Oh! He's like an animal marking his territory. 88 00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:44,849 Hey! 89 00:04:44,849 --> 00:04:46,808 Come on, that was a compliment. 90 00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:51,029 God, I wish this was the wrong house. 91 00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:57,862 Where's Robert? 92 00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:59,386 He's going to work in a few minutes. 93 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,126 Yeah, I know. I know. I'm going with him. 94 00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:03,259 - What? - Yeah, yeah. 95 00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:05,348 Robert, you're taking Raymond to work with you? 96 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:08,308 Yeah, on a citizen ride-along. 97 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,136 No one discussed this with me. You're not going. 98 00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:13,138 - Aw-- - Aw, Ray. 99 00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:17,360 - Your mommy won't let you go. - Yeah. Ma, I'm an adult, okay? 100 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,927 I don't need a permission slip. 101 00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:21,364 Oh, you do have to sign this release form. 102 00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:23,410 The department can't guarantee your protection. 103 00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,065 I thought you were my protection. 104 00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:29,503 No, he's not! Rob-Robbie, give me that. 105 00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,461 Oh, Frank, do something! 106 00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,985 Robert's putting Raymond in danger. 107 00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:37,032 Danger? You want to know danger? 108 00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,121 Here we go. 109 00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:41,384 Try Korea. 110 00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:44,126 They were firing at us with Kalashnikov rifles. 111 00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:46,824 Those things snap off 30 rounds a second. 112 00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:48,783 What are you two gonna be doing 113 00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:53,309 sitting in a squad car with a thermos full of cocoa? 114 00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:58,401 Actually, no. That increases the frequency of urination. 115 00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:01,709 - I-I-I don't like any of this. - Come on, let's go, Raymond. 116 00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,450 - Hooray. - Oh, Raymond, don't. 117 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,235 - Ma, I'm going. I'm going. - Oh, don't. 118 00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:08,498 Alright then, why only Raymond? 119 00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,152 Take Debra and the kids too. 120 00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:14,112 That way I'll lose my whole family in one night. 121 00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:16,114 At least take him! 122 00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:27,822 - '2-3, sergeant.' - 2-3, sergeant. 123 00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,564 - 'You get that 10-10?' - I copy. 124 00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:32,435 Sergeant? They call you sergeant? 125 00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:34,481 That's his rank. Sit back. 126 00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:40,095 Sergeant. Do they know you lick your q-tips 127 00:06:40,095 --> 00:06:42,793 before you stick 'em in your ears? 128 00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,839 Raymond. 129 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,318 I copy the 10-10. 130 00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,886 Open warehouse door, checked out okay. 131 00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:51,498 Open door, yeah. Nobody even broke in. 132 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:58,287 Good thing I'm wearing the vest. It could've been drafty. 133 00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,810 We better drive by later. 134 00:06:59,810 --> 00:07:02,291 If it's open again, we'll call in a K-9 car 135 00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:05,250 and, uh, send in the bow-wow. 136 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:08,471 That's a police dog. 137 00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:15,086 Oh, bow-wow's a police dog. Hmm, how do you crack that code? 138 00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:18,046 That ain't funny. And you don't talk while we're on the radio. 139 00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:21,571 Now sit back! 140 00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,355 I told you, Raymond, it's important 141 00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:26,010 that you not interfere with police business. 142 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,490 Well, what police business? 143 00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:29,927 We've been driving around for 3 hours. 144 00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:32,974 I saw more action on my paper route. 145 00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,454 Alright! 146 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,499 Hey, maybe later we can climb a tree 147 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:39,502 and save a meow-meow. 148 00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:42,374 That's enough, Raymond. 149 00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:44,986 I'm starting to see what you mean about your little brother. 150 00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:46,770 - Yeah, see what I'm saying? - What? 151 00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,076 - What? What does he say? - Sit back! 152 00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,034 I'm not gonna tell you again! 153 00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:55,257 You just lost your tip. 154 00:07:55,257 --> 00:07:58,390 There's nothing to do. I'm bored back here. 155 00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,392 At least run the siren a little. 156 00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,440 This vest is a little smelly. 157 00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:07,878 Hey, if you wash these with regular clothes 158 00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,751 do they become bulletproof? 159 00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:13,275 Okay. Okay. 160 00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:15,625 - '2-3, sergeant.' - 2-3, sergeant. 161 00:08:15,625 --> 00:08:18,106 'Got an emergency call, patching it through.' 162 00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:20,500 Alright. Emergency. 163 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,503 You wanted action? Here we go. 164 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,331 'Robbie, how's Raymond?' 165 00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:30,031 'Is he okay? I want to talk to Raymond.' 166 00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,294 - Ma! - 'What?' 167 00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,170 I need these wrapped to go. 168 00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:41,346 Everybody's asking for doggie bags. 169 00:08:41,346 --> 00:08:42,783 What am I supposed to eat? 170 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:50,791 Give me the usual. I'm going to the ladies' room. 171 00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:55,317 Why are we taking a break? What are we taking a break from? 172 00:08:55,317 --> 00:08:57,449 How about a break from your mouth? 173 00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:05,501 She seems nice. 174 00:09:05,501 --> 00:09:08,504 Sit down, Raymond. 175 00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:10,027 Sit down. 176 00:09:10,027 --> 00:09:12,029 I want to talk to you. 177 00:09:12,029 --> 00:09:15,946 Alright, but I have a right to a ginger ale. You know that? 178 00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:17,905 - Just stop it, okay? - What? 179 00:09:17,905 --> 00:09:20,081 I'm sorry this is such a slow night for you. 180 00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:23,475 No, no, no. There was that open door. 181 00:09:26,043 --> 00:09:28,959 Enough, Raymond. Okay? 182 00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:31,919 A slow night for you is a good night for me. 183 00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:35,618 Do you understand? You have no idea what this job entails. 184 00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:38,099 And your attitude is an insult to me, my partner 185 00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:39,840 and every other cop on the force. 186 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,451 Relax, Robert. I'm-I'm joking here, that's all. 187 00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:44,671 Yeah, yeah, right, yeah. They're just little jokes, right? 188 00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,368 - I'm one big joke to you. - Oh. 189 00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:49,719 My height, my little quirks, the year I had an afro. 190 00:09:53,418 --> 00:09:55,116 Now, come on. That was funny. 191 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:58,423 It was the style then, man. 192 00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:00,469 Alright, come on, relax. 193 00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:03,037 You guys gonna order, or can I grab a smoke? 194 00:10:03,037 --> 00:10:04,734 Come on. What do you want to eat? I'm buying. 195 00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,170 - I'm not hungry. - Come on. 196 00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,519 I'll buy for Judy too. 197 00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:10,740 What does she eat, little kids? 198 00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,568 You just can't stop, can you? 199 00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:14,265 Look, when you're ready, I'm out back. 200 00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,530 - Robert. - What? 201 00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,707 Over there. 202 00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:24,536 Hurry it up. 203 00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:25,973 Get down. 204 00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:29,759 Huh? 205 00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,979 Get down. 206 00:10:31,979 --> 00:10:34,372 Robert, I left my vest in the car. 207 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:41,771 Now, whatever happens... stay down. 208 00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:46,341 No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. Call the police. 209 00:10:46,341 --> 00:10:47,995 - Shh. - Come on, let's go. 210 00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:49,605 Hurry up, come on. 211 00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,835 Get on your stomach. Get your hands behind your back. 212 00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:04,098 - 'I didn't do anything!' - You didn't do anything, huh? 213 00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:06,970 - What'd I do? - Is everybody okay? 214 00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:08,363 - Nemo, you alright? - Yeah, yeah. 215 00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:10,191 How we doin', huh? 216 00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:12,280 - Wise guy. - What happened here? 217 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,804 Well, we got a 10-30. Better check outside. 218 00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:19,113 - You alright, Nemo? - 'Yeah.' 219 00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:22,029 No getaway car. Got no friends? 220 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:25,902 That's alright. We'll give him a ride. Get him outta here. 221 00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:28,513 I'll radio it in. 222 00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:30,298 Come on, Ray. You can ride up front. 223 00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,959 Come on. What are you looking at? 224 00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:47,837 Hey, Susie. Pick up that pizza, will ya? 225 00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,839 Unless the people want a new one. 226 00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:11,731 - Ray? - Hmm. 227 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,950 - What time is it? - Hmm. 228 00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:28,399 What are you doing? Why are you lying there like that? 229 00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:31,272 - Take your clothes off. - Oh, I'm not in the mood. 230 00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:35,842 What are you talking about? 231 00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,582 Hey, how was the ride-along? 232 00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:41,108 It was very boring. 233 00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:43,414 Followed by a short period of terrifying. 234 00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:48,158 What do you mean? What happened? 235 00:12:48,158 --> 00:12:52,249 We went into Nemo's for a break, and a guy came in with a gun. 236 00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:53,990 My God! What do you mean, a gun? 237 00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,818 A gun. A gun. I mean a gun. 238 00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:58,386 A-a thing they use to rob things. 239 00:12:58,386 --> 00:12:59,996 What are you doing with a gun? 240 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:01,345 Nothing! I didn't have the gun. 241 00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:02,825 I mean near a gun! 242 00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:05,132 Who told you to go out and be with guns? 243 00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:07,308 - You did. - I did not. 244 00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:08,831 I said you could ride in the back 245 00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,311 of Robert's police car. 246 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,313 I never said you should get out of the car. 247 00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:14,097 I'm okay, I'm okay. 248 00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:17,057 Jerk! You idiot! 249 00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:20,060 - I'm okay. I'm okay! - Stupid, how could you... 250 00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:24,194 Ow! I need my vest again. 251 00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:26,936 My God. How did this happen? What happened? 252 00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:30,287 Nothing, 'cause Robert stopped the guy 253 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,072 and then we took him to the station 254 00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:34,074 and then Robert booked him and printed him 255 00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,858 and then I told Robert I had to throw up 256 00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,208 and Judy took me home. 257 00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:40,820 - How is Robert? - He's fine. 258 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,865 He's.. I've never seen him like that. 259 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,824 He just took control. He's... 260 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,695 You know, it's like one minute he's my brother 261 00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:50,742 who eats like this, and the next minute, he's like this... cop. 262 00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:53,397 - Why? What did he do? - Eh, I don't know. 263 00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:55,443 It happened so fast. I don't know exactly. 264 00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:58,750 And my view was a little obstructed by the... table leg. 265 00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,927 Oh... 266 00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:03,538 Oh, were you scared? 267 00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:05,757 - A little. - Oh... 268 00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:09,109 Yeah, b-but Robert, you know, was... was not. 269 00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:10,980 Well, you know, that's his job. I mean-- 270 00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,895 I know, I know, but I couldn't do that. 271 00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:15,942 I mean, what's the most dangerous thing I do? 272 00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,422 I let the kids jump on me without wearing a cup. 273 00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:27,170 Robert, Robert is, he's really... 274 00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:31,696 - He's-he's really... - You're proud of him. 275 00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:36,179 Well... He's like a... hero. 276 00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:39,226 You know, and-and everybody's always making a big fuss 277 00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:41,663 about what I do just 'cause I have some column. 278 00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:43,883 Robert's the one whose name should be in the paper. 279 00:14:45,493 --> 00:14:47,408 Did you tell him that? 280 00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:53,414 You know what? I'm gonna do better than that. 281 00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:56,069 - Who are you calling? - Hold on. 282 00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:58,375 Hey, Max. Yeah, it's Ray. Listen... 283 00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,987 You didn't put the paper to bed yet, did you? 284 00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:03,424 Okay, great. I got a great story. 285 00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:07,123 I went with my brother on this police ride-along. 286 00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:10,257 Yeah, yeah, the big guy. Yeah, the chin-toucher. 287 00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:13,173 Yeah, listen, listen, you're not gonna believe what happened. 288 00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:19,353 - Honey, what are you doing? - I'm cutting Molly's hair. 289 00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,268 Oh, no, no, sweetie, if you cut a doll's hair 290 00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:24,097 it doesn't grow back. Only people hair grows back. 291 00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:26,186 Oh. 292 00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,579 - Geoffrey! - No, no, sweetie, sweetie, no. 293 00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:30,581 That's okay. Just cut the doll's hair. 294 00:15:30,581 --> 00:15:32,453 Oh, here, see? You missed a spot. 295 00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,894 - Hey. - Hey. 296 00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:42,028 - Is the article in there? - I can't... find it. 297 00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:47,903 - Oh, no. - What, they didn't print it? 298 00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:49,774 - Look at that. - That's you. 299 00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:52,125 I know. That's a picture of me. Why? 300 00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:56,868 "Newsday's own Ray Barone survives pizza holdup." 301 00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:58,870 I thought it was supposed to be about Robert. 302 00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:02,091 It was! "Sports columnist Ray Barone 303 00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:04,441 "while on a citizen ride-along, narrowly escaped 304 00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:10,012 gunplay when an armed robber.." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! 305 00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,536 Does it mention him at all? 306 00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:15,017 "Police apprehended the suspect." 307 00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,888 That.. Police. They didn't mention him. 308 00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:18,412 He's police. 309 00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:21,067 Well.. Oh, no. What did they do? 310 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,243 Hey, maybe Robert won't read the paper today. 311 00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:26,420 He's Robert. He reads it every day. 312 00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:29,031 He reads it, he taps his chin 12 times with it 313 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:31,947 and he reads it again. 314 00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,296 Aaggh! 315 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:41,043 Hey, Robert. 316 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:47,658 Oh, you read the paper. 317 00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:50,226 I only wish I didn't have to read it again. 318 00:16:53,751 --> 00:16:57,799 - "Newsday's own Ray Barone--" - Okay, okay, let me explain. 319 00:16:57,799 --> 00:16:59,714 No, no. No need. 320 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:01,716 Listen, the reason I called the paper-- 321 00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:04,849 The reason, Raymond... I think I know the reason. 322 00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,809 - It's called self-promotion. - What? No. 323 00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,332 What's the matter, Raymond, huh? 324 00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:10,942 Sports section isn't enough anymore? 325 00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:12,292 Oh, come on-- 326 00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:15,556 You have to be all over the paper. 327 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:16,861 - Robert. - Ga-ga-ga-ga. 328 00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:18,037 Why don't you hop on the subway 329 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,908 make the travel section? 330 00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:22,389 - Alright, come on. - How about the food section? 331 00:17:22,389 --> 00:17:27,046 "Newsday's own Ray Barone enjoys salami sandwich." 332 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,569 - Robert-- - I'll tell you what. 333 00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:29,831 I'll give you change for a dollar. 334 00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:32,268 You can make the financial pages. 335 00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:35,010 "Ray Barone converts paper into coin." 336 00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:40,320 - Are you through? - Yes. 337 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,062 Unless you're gonna be changing your clothes today. 338 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,064 - Robert, I'm s-- - Fashion pages! 339 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,763 I get it! I get it, Robert. 340 00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:51,113 Why are people talking? 341 00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:53,681 It's 8:00 in the morning. 342 00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:56,727 No talking before 9:00. 343 00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:58,686 Oh, good, Raymond. You're back. 344 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:01,210 - You hungry? - No, no. No, thanks, mom. 345 00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,820 - So how was it? - Here. 346 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,344 You can read about it in the paper. 347 00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:06,346 No, give me... Come on, Robert. 348 00:18:06,346 --> 00:18:09,566 Robert, what is that? 349 00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:12,743 "Newsday's own Ray Barone survives... 350 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,963 - Guns?" - Listen, listen! The point wa-- 351 00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:16,704 What did you do to your brother? 352 00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:19,315 - What? What happened? - Nothing happened. 353 00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:22,144 Nemo's was robbed, and Raymond was there. 354 00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:24,886 I knew that something would happen to him. 355 00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:28,150 What happened to him? He's standing here. 356 00:18:28,150 --> 00:18:29,717 He's fine! 357 00:18:29,717 --> 00:18:33,851 Let's celebrate with the making of some eggs. 358 00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,854 - Are you okay, sweetie? - Yes, I'm okay because Robert-- 359 00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:38,900 Oh, how could you do that to your brother? 360 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,771 - No, ma, you don't understand. - He could've been killed! 361 00:18:40,771 --> 00:18:43,296 - Ma, you don't understand-- - Be quiet. 362 00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:45,080 What business do you have getting involved 363 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,865 in something like that with your brother there? He's gentle! 364 00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:57,092 - Police business, mom. My job? - Oh, stop with the excuses! 365 00:18:57,092 --> 00:19:00,617 No more tag-arounds! 366 00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:04,621 It's a ride-along, ma. Okay? 367 00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:05,753 And you don't have to worry anymore 368 00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,494 'cause it'll never happen again. 369 00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:11,976 Gentle Raymond can stay as far away from me as possible. 370 00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:14,849 Come on. Robert! 371 00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:17,939 Alright, good. Alright, you, you must be upset, sweetie. 372 00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:21,290 I-I'll make you some oatmeal. That'll settle your stomach. 373 00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:23,205 Who the hell voted for oatmeal? 374 00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:27,122 Forget the oatmeal. Why-why are you doing that to him? 375 00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,471 Do what? 376 00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:30,256 You act like it's nothing what he does. 377 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,258 He stopped an armed robbery last night. 378 00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:34,216 I didn't do anything. I had to throw up. 379 00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:37,219 You threw up? You should have some dry toast. 380 00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:44,226 Will you stop? Robert's the one you should be worried about. 381 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,923 Are you listening to me, ma? 382 00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:48,012 He's the one who's out there every day. 383 00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:49,188 He's the one who's risking his life-- 384 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,407 I know what he does. 385 00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:53,453 I don't need to think about it. 386 00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,021 Okay, I just wanted you to know-- 387 00:19:57,021 --> 00:20:03,680 Enough! Your mother doesn't like to think about it! 388 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:09,120 Now-now you made me forget. What is it, oatmeal or eggs, Marie? 389 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,905 - Let's go! - Okay. 390 00:20:10,905 --> 00:20:12,341 Come on! 391 00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,911 Excuse me. 392 00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:19,348 - You taking Shamsky for a walk? - Yep. 393 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:21,002 Hey, maybe I'll go with you. 394 00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:23,004 Well, you better check with your mama. 395 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,268 Oh, come on, Robert. Wait up. 396 00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:30,316 It's cold. You two, button your coats. 397 00:20:33,623 --> 00:20:37,584 - So... - Yeah? 398 00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:40,021 You always walk him this early? 399 00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:43,459 I gotta get him to the park before the other dogs. 400 00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:46,245 - Why, he fights? - Nah. Shy bladder. 401 00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:52,773 Listen, the newspaper thing. I... It was supposed to be about you. 402 00:20:52,773 --> 00:20:54,644 - You know, I told them-- - No, no, listen... 403 00:20:54,644 --> 00:20:56,820 I know how that stuff works. 404 00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:59,606 You work for the paper. People know who you are. 405 00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:01,129 You're the important part. 406 00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:03,740 No, you were the important part. 407 00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:07,309 Alright, listen, I'm fine with it, okay? 408 00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:09,572 It doesn't matter to me what people think. 409 00:21:09,572 --> 00:21:11,748 I know. 410 00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:14,142 I'm glad I saw that, though, 'cause you were... 411 00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:20,279 ...something. 412 00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:28,417 - Thanks. - Hmm. 413 00:21:30,245 --> 00:21:31,812 Want to go again tonight? 414 00:21:34,118 --> 00:21:36,730 What are you, nuts? 415 00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:38,775 Well, how about to the park? 416 00:21:38,775 --> 00:21:40,168 Yeah, okay. Park, okay. 417 00:21:41,691 --> 00:21:43,476 - You gonna button your coat? - Nah. 418 00:21:43,476 --> 00:21:45,434 Nah. Me neither. 419 00:21:52,572 --> 00:21:54,965 You couldn't listen to your mother. 420 00:21:56,924 --> 00:21:59,143 Next time I say button your coats 421 00:21:59,143 --> 00:22:01,494 maybe you'll button your coats. 422 00:22:05,193 --> 00:22:07,717 And no more "Cops." That's not entertainment.