1 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:04,134 Okay, who wants to be measured first? 2 00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:06,745 - Me. I do. - Okay, get up here. 3 00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:09,444 - Okay, wait a second. - No, she's got to turn around. 4 00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:11,359 Here. Let daddy show you how it's done. 5 00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:13,013 'Cause then I'm going to lie down. 6 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,452 See, shoes off. 7 00:00:17,452 --> 00:00:19,236 Heels against the wall. 8 00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:20,716 Feet together, head level. 9 00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:22,109 - Alright. - Go ahead. 10 00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:25,982 Okay. And 5'11 and 3 quarters. 11 00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:28,680 What? No, no, no, I'm 6 feet tall. 12 00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:33,076 - Me next. - Not yet. Wait, wait, Ally. 13 00:00:33,076 --> 00:00:34,817 Let daddy do it. Do it again. 14 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:41,911 - Okay, 5'11 and 3 quarters. - No! 15 00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:45,393 It says 5'11 and 3 quarters. 16 00:00:45,393 --> 00:00:47,656 You can't tell on a giraffe. 17 00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:53,183 I'm 6 feet tall, everybody. 18 00:00:55,838 --> 00:00:57,274 I'm 6 feet tall! 19 00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:02,932 Ray Barone. Black hair, brown eyes, 6 feet tall. 20 00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:05,413 People say, "Who are you?" I'm 6 feet tall. That's who I am. 21 00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:10,070 Alright. And... 22 00:01:11,506 --> 00:01:13,899 - 5'11 and 3 quarters. - Come on. 23 00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,945 That's what it says. Look, 5'11 and 3-- 24 00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:19,775 Alright. Alright! What, you like saying it? 25 00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:22,082 You don't have to get so upset about it. 26 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,171 Guys care about height, you know? 27 00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:25,563 Just like women care about weight. 28 00:01:25,563 --> 00:01:27,565 I don't care about weight. 29 00:01:27,565 --> 00:01:30,873 Yeah, you don't 'cause you only weigh about, what, 140? 30 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,056 See, don't get on your high horse 31 00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:41,971 if you can't take the smell. 32 00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:48,978 Ray, I'm sorry about your height. I still love you, okay? 33 00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,589 God! The kids love you. Don't you, kids? 34 00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:56,812 - See? - I'm 6 feet tall. 35 00:01:56,812 --> 00:01:58,335 Honey, maybe you were 6 feet tall 36 00:01:58,335 --> 00:02:00,729 but you just shrunk a little bit. 37 00:02:00,729 --> 00:02:02,905 - What do you mean, shrunk? - Well, that happens, you know? 38 00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:05,386 As you get older, people tend to just... 39 00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,952 Shrink? 40 00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,780 Look, it's not a big deal. It happens to everyone. 41 00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:10,260 I'm shrinking now? 42 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:11,827 Ray, now don't get all, you know... 43 00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:13,785 - Oh, my God. I'm shrinking. - Ray! 44 00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:20,879 Mommy is not 140. 45 00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:30,324 Man, it was so close! 46 00:02:34,937 --> 00:02:37,331 Hey, listen up, everybody. I've got an announcement to make. 47 00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:39,942 I suck and I quit. 48 00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:42,901 You only blew the game-winning shot, what's the big deal? 49 00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,990 Yeah, there'll be other game-winning shots. 50 00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:47,993 Hopefully, you won't take them. 51 00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:50,257 Look, isn't it obvious? I'm too short to play this game. 52 00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,478 - What? - 'I measured myself yesterday.' 53 00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:56,872 And I'm a quarter-inch shorter than last year. 54 00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:58,743 Ray, you could shrink a foot and still not be 55 00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:00,441 the shortest guy on the team. 56 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:07,143 You could lose a leg and still not be the slowest. 57 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:12,670 Don't you see? I'm going to keep shrinking. 58 00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,803 - I'm old! - Relax, Ray. 59 00:03:14,803 --> 00:03:16,631 You weren't that good to begin with. 60 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:22,941 Raymond. Raymond. Raymond. 61 00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:26,162 Sounds like you're having a little mid-life crisis. 62 00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:29,209 What? No, no, God. 63 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,515 Mid-life crisis. I don't want one of those. 64 00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:33,648 I do. I can't wait for mine. 65 00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:37,217 I'm gonna get a Harley and a girl who's impressed by Harleys. 66 00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:44,049 Yeah, well, Debra won't let me have either of those. 67 00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:46,356 Oh, that's not the problem. 68 00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:48,053 Come here, Raygeleh. 69 00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:52,275 You're worried that you're not going to accomplish 70 00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:54,321 everything you set out to do in life. 71 00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:55,887 - I am? - Who knows? 72 00:03:55,887 --> 00:03:58,368 But I went to this self-improvement seminar 73 00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:00,631 to meet women, and I learned that people with goals 74 00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:03,199 don't worry so much about getting old. 75 00:04:03,199 --> 00:04:06,724 - Did you meet anyone? - No one. 76 00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:10,467 Apparently, I don't appeal to women with goals. 77 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,469 You know what I always wanted to do? 78 00:04:14,689 --> 00:04:18,083 Run the New York Marathon. 79 00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:20,999 - Come on, for real? - Yeah, yeah, real. 80 00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:24,568 Hey, guys, what is with all this dream crap? 81 00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:26,701 Why don't you go home, hug your fathers, and maybe 82 00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,964 we'll win a game. 83 00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:30,574 You know what you gotta do, Ray, what they made us do 84 00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:32,968 at the seminar. You make a list of the 100 things 85 00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:35,057 you want to do before you die. 86 00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:36,754 - 100? - I can come up with like, four. 87 00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:39,714 Easy. 88 00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:42,107 Yeah, you just think of the stuff that you want in your life 89 00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:43,631 that you don't have. 90 00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,459 Look, I don't need any of that, alright? 91 00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:48,288 All I need is another quarter-inch. 92 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,680 Who doesn't? 93 00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,511 Yeah. You are correct there. You're right on the money. 94 00:04:56,818 --> 00:05:00,343 "Things to do before I die." 95 00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:05,043 It's personal, okay? Like you have your feminine products. 96 00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:11,006 Is this about you shrinking? 97 00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:15,706 Maybe a little. 98 00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:18,230 Look, the, the guys... 99 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,320 ...thought that the reason the shrinking thing is bothering me 100 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,845 is 'cause... I'm having a mid-life crisis. 101 00:05:23,845 --> 00:05:27,239 Yeah, and I need some goals, you know? Something to shoot for. 102 00:05:32,157 --> 00:05:35,073 You want to have an affair? 103 00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:36,988 What? Where did that come from? 104 00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:39,556 Well, how come you won't show me? 105 00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,950 Yeah. I put "have an affair" on paper. 106 00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:48,609 That's one of my goals. 107 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,743 Disappoint another woman. 108 00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:00,360 Yeah, I get it. 109 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,408 Okay, just give me the list, alright? I just want to see it. 110 00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:09,412 Look, just keep in mind, it's not really done yet. 111 00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:13,982 "Peking duck, goat cheese pizza." What is this? 112 00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:17,028 I told you, it's goals and stuff. 113 00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:20,989 These are your goals? These are restaurant specials. 114 00:06:20,989 --> 00:06:23,034 I've never had the Peking duck. 115 00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:28,518 So your goal is just to eat things 116 00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:32,304 you've never eaten before. 117 00:06:32,304 --> 00:06:33,958 Not entirely. 118 00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:38,876 "Enlarged prostate." 119 00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:45,753 See? That's, that's something that I want to avoid. 120 00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:48,973 Not something I wish to eat. 121 00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,156 - What? - I see. 122 00:06:58,156 --> 00:07:00,420 - What? What are you-- - Well, Ray, come on. 123 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,117 You're a writer, don't you want to do something 124 00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:04,902 like I don't know, write the great American novel or... 125 00:07:04,902 --> 00:07:08,602 Well, I thought about that, and then I thought... 126 00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:11,648 I don't even want to read the great American novel. 127 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:14,390 Well, I mean, there's got to be something else you want to do 128 00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:18,133 besides "Never throw up again." 129 00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:32,234 No. That's it, see? That's it... I got nothing. I got no dreams. 130 00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:34,497 Ray, everybody has dreams. 131 00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:37,195 Yeah? What do you have? What's on your list? 132 00:07:37,195 --> 00:07:38,806 - Me? - Yeah. 133 00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:43,071 Well, I just thought that, you know, after the kids grow up 134 00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:46,509 it might be nice... if, I don't know, we moved upstate 135 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:49,860 and opened a little bed-and-breakfast somewhere. 136 00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:52,384 Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Bed-and-breakfast? 137 00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:53,908 What do you mean, like, strangers 138 00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:56,519 coming in and out of our house all the time? 139 00:07:56,519 --> 00:08:00,610 Yes, Ray, strangers. I'd like to try strangers for a change. 140 00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:06,224 I don't know. This is all happening too fast. 141 00:08:06,224 --> 00:08:08,662 I.. We don't have to do it today, Ray. 142 00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:10,533 I'm just trying to get you thinking. 143 00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:13,275 Yeah, I'm thinking I'd better come up with something 144 00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:16,931 before I end up with your bed-and-breakfast... 145 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:19,107 ...tucking in a gay couple from Cleveland. 146 00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,112 Alright. Alright. 147 00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:30,379 You know, you know what, maybe the reason that you can't 148 00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:32,860 come up with any goals for yourself 149 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:37,647 is that, in your own Ray way 150 00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:41,172 you're actually content. 151 00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:43,871 Where are you picking up that vibe? 152 00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:48,005 Look at the facts, you have a great job, a wonderful family 153 00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:52,967 a loving wife who weighs nowhere near 140. 154 00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:54,795 - Yeah, so what are you saying? - So... 155 00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:57,319 I think maybe you've already accomplished 156 00:08:57,319 --> 00:08:59,843 more than you've ever dreamed of. 157 00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:02,237 - You really think so? - I do. 158 00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:04,413 Maybe you're one of the lucky people 159 00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:08,112 who's actually living his dream. Hm? 160 00:09:08,112 --> 00:09:10,941 - Wow. - Yeah. See? You feel better? 161 00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,290 Yeah. 162 00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:17,861 - What? What, Ray? - I'm just, I'm thinking... 163 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:21,865 If what you said is true, and I've already done everything 164 00:09:21,865 --> 00:09:27,218 then... I guess... this is all there is. 165 00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:55,377 - Hey. - Oh, good morning, Raymond. 166 00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:57,379 - Want some eggs? - No. No, thanks. 167 00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:58,989 Listen, I want to ask you guys something. 168 00:09:58,989 --> 00:10:01,949 When I was a kid, do you remember me having a dream? 169 00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,951 I remember you wetting the bed. 170 00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:08,956 No, I-I don't mean that. I mean, like, what did I want to be? 171 00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:10,697 Dry. 172 00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:16,920 - Morning. - Oh! How many eggs, Robbie? 173 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,967 Uh, three. And today I'd like them raw, in a glass. 174 00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:22,230 - What? - I'm in training. 175 00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,972 Going to be running the New York Marathon this year. 176 00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:26,495 Come on. You're really going to do that? 177 00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:27,888 That's right. 178 00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,498 Marathon, huh? 179 00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:31,631 Put me down for a buck a mile. 180 00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,287 You don't pledge for this one, dad. 181 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:39,639 I'm not pledging, I'm betting. 182 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,250 I say you'll cry like a little girl by mile two. 183 00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:46,558 Ray, you want some of this action? 184 00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,691 Look, at least he's got a dream, right? 185 00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:50,345 Are you making fun, too? 186 00:10:50,345 --> 00:10:52,826 No, I'm actually jealous. 187 00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:55,480 You have a dream. I've got nothing. 188 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:56,699 Nothing? 189 00:10:58,396 --> 00:11:01,573 - You've got nothing? - What? 190 00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:05,273 House, wife... 191 00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:09,712 ...little daughter, twin boys. 192 00:11:09,712 --> 00:11:11,671 That's nothing to you? 193 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,586 That was my dream! 194 00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:17,154 Hello! 195 00:11:17,154 --> 00:11:19,200 So why don't you just go take your little mid-life 196 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,638 "I'm shrinking, I'm dying, I don't have any dreams" 197 00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:25,467 and go right back across the street to paradise. 198 00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:32,082 - Look, you don't understand-- - Oh, yeah, I don't understand. 199 00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:35,216 Just go, okay, because I'm going to tell you something. I have... 200 00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:50,318 Ow! 201 00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:54,322 - A-are you alright, Robert? - Yeah, fine, ma, I'm fine. 202 00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:56,628 - Raymond. - What? What do you... 203 00:11:58,326 --> 00:12:01,372 Okay, ow-ow-ow-ow-ow. 204 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,420 Guess I'm just gonna have to scratch 205 00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,944 dream number two off my list. 206 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,346 Go ahead and cook those eggs, ma. 207 00:12:21,218 --> 00:12:24,613 I should have put my money on warm-up. 208 00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,049 Raymond, why didn't you tell us 209 00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:28,617 you were having a mid-life crisis? 210 00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:31,228 The announcements are still being printed, ma. 211 00:12:31,228 --> 00:12:33,448 Here, sit down, have some eggs. 212 00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:38,540 You know what I always wanted to do, Ray? 213 00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:41,238 Sing like Tony Bennett. 214 00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,371 Tony Bennett? 215 00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:47,723 That's right. But look at me. Am I Tony Bennett? 216 00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:53,250 No. 217 00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:56,776 You see, you do a thing, and that's what you are. 218 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,734 One guy lives in Brooklyn. 219 00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:02,085 One guy lives in Sutton Place. 220 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:04,958 Another guy's a lawyer, one guy is a doctor. 221 00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:08,700 Another guy dies, another guy gets well, people are born... 222 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,659 What the hell are you talking about? 223 00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:16,360 Don't worry so much. You die. You did what you did. 224 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:22,149 Stop saying "die." It's obvious Raymond's afraid of dying. 225 00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:24,934 What am I supposed to tell him? That it's not going to happen? 226 00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:28,416 It's going to happen. You're gonna die! 227 00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:44,911 - Thank you, dad. - There you go. 228 00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:47,870 Now, Raymond, you know, we are all afraid of death. 229 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,264 But the important thing is to be ready. 230 00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:54,746 See, your father and I have all we need, right in here. 231 00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:58,663 We have our will and our insurance 232 00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:03,364 and the deed to our burial plot. 233 00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:05,757 Where's the permit to the neighbors' parade? 234 00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:15,680 - Frank. Frank, what is this? - What? 235 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,901 Our joint burial plot. It only mentions one. 236 00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:22,383 - Where's the other plot? - What, who cares? I sold it. 237 00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:27,214 You sold half of our joint burial plot? 238 00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:29,651 The people next to us had an unexpected death. 239 00:14:29,651 --> 00:14:31,479 They were very upset. 240 00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:34,569 I got twice what I paid for it. 241 00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:36,310 It wasn't yours to sell. 242 00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:38,007 I sold my half of the plot. 243 00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:40,053 How do you know it wasn't my half, Frank? 244 00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:42,403 I always sleep on the left. 245 00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,931 And-and when were you going to tell me about this? 246 00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:53,762 I wasn't. I figured if you went first, you couldn't yell at me. 247 00:14:53,762 --> 00:14:56,069 And if I went first, yell all you want. 248 00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:05,295 You have always wanted to leave me, haven't you? 249 00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:08,864 Till death do us part, Marie. After that you're on your own. 250 00:15:13,521 --> 00:15:17,699 Why don't you fulfill one of my dreams, and leave me alone now? 251 00:15:17,699 --> 00:15:20,615 Holy crap! We found something we have in common. 252 00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,793 How bad can death be? 253 00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:38,024 - Hey, cornflake. - Hi. 254 00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,026 In a good mood, huh? 255 00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:42,332 Yeah, I did a lot of productive thinking today. 256 00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:44,378 - Yeah? - Gonna get cremated. 257 00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,428 - What? - Yeah. 258 00:15:51,428 --> 00:15:53,648 Yeah, I think it just makes sense, you know? 259 00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:55,215 More, more sense than burial. 260 00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:58,958 I'm not all that gung ho about decomposing. 261 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,698 How did you get onto this? 262 00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:03,179 Look, it pays to think about these things. 263 00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:04,746 Oh, hey, don't be like that, either. 264 00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:07,009 I don't want a big, sad funeral. 265 00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:10,230 You know, make it like a celebration. You know? 266 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:13,450 People telling stories, funny anecdotes about me, you know? 267 00:16:13,450 --> 00:16:15,017 Like a roast. 268 00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:20,414 What is wrong with you? 269 00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:23,417 Good news. 270 00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:26,202 I found a cemetery that can fit us all in. 271 00:16:30,815 --> 00:16:33,035 Uh, misery, your company's here. 272 00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:38,823 Look, i-it's beautiful. 273 00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:41,522 But-but it may be a little tight, see. 274 00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:43,524 One of us has to be vertical. 275 00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:49,530 I don't know, ma. I'm thinking of going cremation. 276 00:16:49,530 --> 00:16:52,794 Oh, you want to go off on your own, too? 277 00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:54,839 This family is falling apart. 278 00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:59,018 - This does look nice, though. - See? 279 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,107 Debra, would you mind being the vertical one? 280 00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:04,197 Why Debra, ma? 281 00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:05,415 Well, it can't be your brother 282 00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:07,374 his head would stick out of the ground. 283 00:17:09,289 --> 00:17:11,595 Hey, how about a wood chipper? 284 00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:14,946 Then we could all fit into one big trash bag. 285 00:17:14,946 --> 00:17:17,949 That's morbid, dear. 286 00:17:17,949 --> 00:17:19,560 Yes. 287 00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:24,173 Deb, you should look at this. It's pretty good. 288 00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:27,394 Deb.. Deb! 289 00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:29,657 You're going to die, you know. 290 00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:37,099 Deb, look, I know you're not excited about 291 00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:39,623 spending eternity with my parents 292 00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:41,973 but, you know, it's not going to be like now 293 00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:44,411 when all they have to do is cross the street. 294 00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:47,675 I mean, they're going to have to bust out of their coffins 295 00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:52,288 and tunnel through the dirt... 296 00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:59,991 ...you know, aah... just to get to our coffin. 297 00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:02,255 And then they're, you know, banging... 298 00:18:02,255 --> 00:18:05,258 And we could pretend we're not even there. 299 00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,869 Shut up! Shut up! Just stop it! 300 00:18:07,869 --> 00:18:11,177 Stop talking about coffins. 301 00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:14,484 So you want to do cremation with me? 302 00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:17,922 Ray, you're supposed to be having a mid-life crisis 303 00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:21,230 not an end-of-life crisis. 304 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:24,842 Hey, look, don't tell me how to have a mid-life crisis, okay? 305 00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:27,802 - What would you know about it? - Because I've already had mine. 306 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,111 Really? 307 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:35,157 Yes, a while ago. 308 00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:37,116 Oh. Was that the perm? 309 00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,298 - No. - 'Cause that didn't look good. 310 00:18:45,298 --> 00:18:48,431 It was two years ago. 311 00:18:48,431 --> 00:18:51,913 Well, you never acted like you were having a mid-life crisis. 312 00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:54,698 Ray, look at me. 313 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,005 I'm rubbing cream on my hands. 314 00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:59,747 Do you know why I'm rubbing cream on my hands? 315 00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:03,707 Because it's hand cream? 316 00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:10,801 No, because my skin isn't as soft and smooth 317 00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,934 as it used to be. Have you noticed? 318 00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:15,154 - I didn't wanna say anything-- - Shut up, Ray. 319 00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:21,682 That is why every night I take this cream... 320 00:19:21,682 --> 00:19:24,163 and desperately try to turn back the clock. 321 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,469 And even though I know this is a losing battle 322 00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:28,254 I still do it anyway. 323 00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:32,214 That is how you have a proper mid-life crisis. 324 00:19:32,214 --> 00:19:34,390 You do not start planning your death. 325 00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:38,046 You go into denial like a normal person. 326 00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:42,355 - Give me your shoes. - What? 327 00:19:42,355 --> 00:19:43,921 Give me your shoes. 328 00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:47,925 Alright, but I think my shoes are soft enough. 329 00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:49,927 Just give them to me. 330 00:19:51,755 --> 00:19:55,150 When you started going all nuts about the height thing... 331 00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:57,239 ...I bought these as a joke. 332 00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:00,721 But now... I think they're actually going to help. 333 00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:03,245 - So stick these on. - Oh, come on. 334 00:20:03,245 --> 00:20:04,681 These aren't gonna do anything. 335 00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:07,162 Just.. You wanna be 6 feet tall? Put them on. 336 00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:09,904 Well.. I'm not wearing lifts. 337 00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:12,863 They're not lifts. They're extra-thick Odor-Eaters. 338 00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,259 Two birds with one stone. 339 00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:22,743 Look, this doesn't really mean I'm 6 feet tall. 340 00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:25,572 Well, hey, this cream doesn't mean my hands are any softer 341 00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:27,226 than they used to be. 342 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,750 I don't know. I'm talking about death, here, okay? 343 00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:31,404 You really think some cheap insoles are gonna 344 00:20:31,404 --> 00:20:35,886 change my outlook and... These are kind of bouncy. 345 00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:40,674 Oh, yeah, little spring in your step there, young man? 346 00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:43,154 Yeah, whatever. Come on, who am I really fooling here? 347 00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:45,374 Hey, you only got to fool one person. 348 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,552 And if I recall, that person once asked me 349 00:20:49,552 --> 00:20:51,815 if Jell-O was a fruit. 350 00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:01,347 Yeah. Yeah. 351 00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,959 Listen, you do whatever you need to do. 352 00:21:04,959 --> 00:21:07,178 As for me, I'm going to put these tea bags 353 00:21:07,178 --> 00:21:09,224 on my puffy eyes and dream about 354 00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:11,661 my bed-and-breakfast by the lake. 355 00:21:11,661 --> 00:21:14,011 Good night. 356 00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:16,710 Hey, can you put these in sneakers? 357 00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:20,017 Put them anywhere you want. 358 00:21:25,936 --> 00:21:27,590 Ha-ha! 359 00:21:29,375 --> 00:21:31,768 Feeling tall and smelling good. 360 00:21:35,424 --> 00:21:37,296 Idiot. 361 00:21:41,387 --> 00:21:43,127 Frank, you want your ice cream or not? 362 00:21:43,127 --> 00:21:45,260 He's not here, ma. 363 00:21:45,260 --> 00:21:47,741 - Where did he go? - I don't know. 364 00:21:47,741 --> 00:21:49,699 He said Ray got him thinking. 365 00:21:49,699 --> 00:21:53,747 - Ray got him thinking? - Yeah, you believe that? 366 00:21:53,747 --> 00:21:55,009 About what? 367 00:21:56,750 --> 00:22:01,320 ♪ I left my heart 368 00:22:02,495 --> 00:22:09,066 ♪ In San Francisco 369 00:22:09,066 --> 00:22:10,459 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 370 00:22:10,459 --> 00:22:12,243 My wife thinks I'm in the bathroom. 371 00:22:13,854 --> 00:22:18,815 ♪ High on a hill 372 00:22:18,815 --> 00:22:22,428 ♪ It calls to me ♪