- Hi. - Hey, there, cumberbund.
What you doing?
Oh, what's for dinner?
Lemon chicken.
Again?
What did you make?
Nothin'.
Okay. You can have that, and we'll have lemon chicken.
Hey, daddy.
Hey, pooky. Hi. How was school?
Good.
Ally made a new friend Daniel.
Daniel? A boy.
He's coming over on Saturday.
Coming over, yeah? Don't you think you should
meet for coffee and see how that goes?
Well, Ally, I'm looking forward
to meeting your gentleman caller
and I hope Daniel realizes
that he's getting involved with a very special young lady.
Don't worry, honey.
Daddy won't be here when he comes over.
'Good.'
You're gonna want me there
when it's time to pay for the wedding
aren't you? Yeah.
Did you do that yourself?
They're coming!
Ray, honey, could you help me here, please?
I'm trying something.
Idiot. Come on, come on.
So, hey, Ally asked that boy to come over?
That's a little forward there, don't you think?
Oh, please.
If women waited for men to ask
the entire species would die out.
What are you talking about?
We wouldn't have gotten together
- If it wasn't for me. - You?
We got together in spite of you.
No. Get outta here.
It was all me, okay?
I came, I saw, I conquered, baby.
You know, as much as I would like to blame you,
us getting together is my fault.
That's not the way I remember it.
That's exactly how it happened.
- No. No, no. - Yes. What?
Don't you remember?
Okay. Oh, that would be awesome.
No, no, we're gonna eat dinner afterwards. Yeah.
Uh, party all day. Yeah.
Okay, listen, I got to shower
so it'll be, like, 20 minutes.
Okay. Bye.
- Yes? - Hey, got your futon delivery.
Oh. I forgot that was today.
Um, okay, bring it in.
Don't drag it, Dopey.
The lady paid for it already.
Slow down. Let me get a grip on it.
'Where's this goin'?'
Um, like somewhere in here.
You got to tell me when you're dropping it.
Come on, you've been doing that all day.
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
Hey, how are you?
I'll go get the frame.
Okay.
I delivered one of these to Cher yesterday.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. She wasn't there.
Her assistant was there.
I'm not really a futon guy.
I'm gonna be a writer.
Now that I think about it,
when that guy comes back
can you put it over there instead?
Yeah. I can do that now.
- 'You can?' - Yeah. Yeah. I don't need him.
Yeah, that would be great.
So, where do you want it?
Oh! I'm sorry! Wait. Are you okay?
I'm fine. What are you doing?
I don't know. I'm gonna be a journalist.
- What are you doing? - Give me a hand.
- What are you doing? - Pick it up. Pick it up.
- I'm sorry. Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- You sure? - Yeah. Fine.
- Alright, I'm sorry. - Don't worry about it.
Hey, lucky I'm not delivering your refrigerator.
Okay. Could you just excuse me for a minute?
Yeah. We got it. Go ahead.
Yeah, you go run for cover.
She's pretty, man.
I could see why you'd want to smother her
with the futon.
She's different. She's different kind of pretty.
You know, natural, walk-on-the-beach
have-a-wine-cooler, kind of pretty, you know?
Let's get the frame started.
Then you can write her a poem.
She laughed at my joke, man.
You see that? She laughed.
You think she's got a boyfriend?
I don't know.
Check out the pictures.
I don't see any guys.
There's no guys.
Hey, maybe she likes women.
Nah, if she was like that
she'd be putting this thing together herself.
Ask her out, big nose.
No, what? Her? Go out with me?
No, no, no. Yeah?
Stranger things have happened.
I can't think of any.
Nah. I live with my parents.
Fine. Then I'll ask her out.
No. No. You can't.
- Why not? - 'Cause.
You're the futon guy.
You're the assistant futon guy.
- I'm asking her out. - 'No. I'll do it.'
She laughed at my joke, man.
I'm gonna do it.
So...
I'll get the clipboard thing
and then I can write that thing down.
What?
Nothing.
My friend is all nervous
'cause he likes you or something.
He wants to ask you out.
Oh. Really?
'What? You got a boyfriend?'
No, it's just that...
Let me ask you something.
If we weren't here
you think you could put this thing together yourself?
I got it. Got the forms. Okay.
Alright. Gianni, you almost done now?
Let me help you. No, no, no. I got it.
You do what you got to do.
Okay.
Hey, music. You like music?
- Uh, yeah. - Yeah, me, too.
Music is good. Yeah.
It's a nice apartment you got.
Oh, thanks.
It's a nice neighborhood.
A lot of nice places to eat around here.
- Yeah, I know. - 'You know what's good?'
That Chinese place
with the crazy grandmother who screams at you.
Oh, yeah, China Star. Oh, I love that place.
- Yeah. - 'Yeah.'
You know what she's screaming?
Yeah. "Habba nye dah!"
She's cra...
She's crazy.
She's saying, "Have a nice day."
Oh.
Maybe she's not crazy, then.
I love that place.
Yeah. Me, too.
So...
...you almost done, Gianni, or what?
Are you?
So maybe I'll see you there sometime, hmm?
- Where? - China Star.
Oh, well, yeah.
If you're in there, and I'm in there then, yeah.
- You got to sign, um... - Okay.
Sign on the bottom.
I'll probably be there for lunch tomorrow.
You talking about it made me really hungry for it.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Actually, I just had Chinese today.
Oh, my God.
But sometimes, when I go back two days in a row,
I just... I order something different, you know?
Like shrimp.
So if I was to go back there
and order the shrimp
would you wanna... go with me?
Yeah. Sure.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Oh, great. Great.
I told you I was gonna be a writer, right?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Yeah. What a way with words.
- 'Let's go.' - Alright, okay.
Alright, so then, what like, 1 o'clock tomorrow?
- Yeah, that'd be great. - Okay. Good.
Alright. Good. Great.
So, then tomorrow. 1 o'clock. Right?
- Oh. I'm Ray. - I'm Debra.
- Hi. Nice to meet you. - Hi.
- Okay, so tomorrow, then. - Yeah, great.
Alright. Good, great.
Habba nye dah!
Hoo hoo hoo!
Am I the man, or what?
Oh, yeah, you're the man.
You should have your genitals revoked.
I'm so pretty. I'm so pretty.
Hey, beautiful.
You forgot to give her the futon cover.
Oh. Oh, yeah.
'Coming.'
'What?'
'Coming.'
- Aah! - Oh!
What do you want? What are you doing?
- You said, "Come in." - I said, "Coming."
It sounded like, "Come in."
What's up?
- What are you doing? - I didn't want him to see.
Would you excuse me, please?
Okay, I'm sorry. Look, I didn't see anything.
- Yes, you did. - I know. I'm sorry.
'Totally naked?'
Yup.
Totally naked?
A beautiful woman, totally naked
facing you.
Yes.
Another gift for Raymond.
I burst into places all the time.
I raid massage parlors.
You know who I get to see naked?
Fat guys.
Fat, hairy, bald guys.
You get to go out with a naked girl.
Oh, I'm not going out with her.
Are you kidding? She thinks I'm a pervert.
And she's the one running around naked.
In her own apartment.
No, I didn't turn away fast enough.
Well, how fast did you turn?
I don't know. Like this. Ooh!
Where's the turn?
Oh, my God. I didn't turn!
I didn't even turn. See? Forget it.
There's no way I could ever go out with her.
Yes, you can.
No. The whole time
she'll know that all I'm thinking about is her breasts.
Well, don't think about them.
"Don't think about them."
Yeah. Don't think about zebras.
Go.
Wow.
Yeah. See? What are you thinking about?
A zebra with breasts.
Well...
That's it. That's why.
There's no way I can go out with her.
Listen, you have to.
You've achieved more before the first date
than I usually do by the end of a relationship.
Forget it. I already called.
I canceled anyway.
I left a message on her machine.
Seems like a terrible waste of a naked girl.
Robbie, your father's coming home soon.
Yeah?
You're sitting in his chair.
You know how upset he gets
if he sees your imprint in his chair.
Ah, he can kiss my imprint.
It's just that he's working so hard.
That's all.
I can't wait till your father retires.
Oh, he's gonna be so much more pleasant then.
Well, hello there.
Hi. Is this 319 fowler?
Why, yes, it is.
May I help you?
Yeah. I'm looking for Ray Barone.
Of course you are. Come in.
Raymond!
Girl!
There's a girl here for Raymond?
What's going on?
Oh.
- Hi. - Hi.
Who is this?
Hi. I'm Debra Whelan.
Ray delivered a futon to me.
Oh.
What?
Oh, nothing.
Just... thinking about zebras.
Wouldn't you like to introduce us
to your friend, Raymond?
Uh, this is... my...
Marie and Robert.
My roommates.
How, uh... What are you doing here?
Well, I went to the futon store
and your friend told me that I could find you here.
Is there someplace that we could talk?
Uh, yeah. I guess so, yeah.
If I knew you were going to have a visitor
I would've laid out a nicer pair of pants for you.
So, um, hi.
How come you canceled our lunch?
Well, I didn't--
Is it because you saw me naked?
Admit it, you don't want to go out with me
- Because you saw me naked. - No!
No... I mean, yes...
Well, just so you know, I don't look like that.
- What? - It was like a bad angle.
Bad lighting. I hadn't showered yet.
- That's not how I look. - What do you mean?
Well, you looked great... Not that I looked.
Then how come you canceled?
Because... I was in over my head anyway.
I was thinking you'd think I'm just some futon guy
then you throw pervert on top--
You should've let me be the one to cancel.
That's the decent thing to do when you see someone naked.
The naked person gets to cancel.
I didn't know that.
Alright. Forget it.
Oh, and by the way
something's wrong with that futon.
The right leg is so loose.
Alright. You want me to fix it?
Well, somebody better, 'cause I got the warranty.
Okay. Alright. I'll fix it tomorrow.
I mean, I'm the futon guy.
It was nice to meet you both.
So, uh, what time tomorrow, then?
I get home from work about 6:00.
That's no good. Raymond eats at 6:00.
Ma, do you mind?
- 00 is good. - Okay.
Okay, dear. Lovely meeting you.
Yeah. Bye-bye.
She's not the girl for you, Raymond.
'Who is it?'
'It's, uh, Ray from Claude's Futons.'
'Yeah, come in.'
I said, come in.
'Now it really sounds like you're saying, "come in."'
Yeah, I did say "come in."
- Hi. - Hi.
Hey, you're all dressed up.
Oh, yeah, the other time
those were my delivery clothes.
Yeah, this is what I wear when I fix stuff.
- Alright. - Okay.
Stupid dressed-up moron.
What?
So it's the right leg that's loose?
- 'Yeah, it's the right one.' - Okay.
I tell ya, nothing really seems to be loose here.
Oh. Sure seemed loose to me.
You know what? I can't even tighten these any more, really.
Huh. I thought it was loose.
No.
It looks like I made too much food here,
if you're, um, hungry.
Oh. Yeah?
Yeah. You want some?
Alright. Yeah, wrap it up.
I'll eat it in the truck.
Okay.
I mean, you could eat it here if you want.
Oh.
Okay.
You can sit.
Sit? Sit here?
- Yeah. That's good. - Alright.
- You need me to help? - No. I got it.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah, sure.
Were you making all that food for someone
and they didn't show up?
They showed up.
Here you go.
So... the futon was never loose?
Look, you know, I've been out with a lot of guys
like stockbrokers and athletes
and rich, famous, good-looking guys--
So you're going the other way now?
No, no. I'm not going any way.
You just seem like a nice guy. That's all.
You are planning on being a journalist, right?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
It's not as much fun as knocking people over with futons, but...
Actually, I'm gonna be a sportswriter.
- Oh, really? - Yeah. You like sports?
Well, I do P.R. for the Rangers.
- Really? - Yeah.
So you know, like, Vanbiesbrouck and Larouche?
Yeah. All those guys.
Wow.
So, your family seemed nice.
Yeah. Yeah. They seem nice.
I'm only living with them until, you know...
- Yeah. Sure. - Yeah. Yeah.
Wow. This is great. This is... What is this?
Oh, it's lemon chicken.
Oh, man.
- Wow. - Yeah.
You really like it, huh?
I could eat this the rest of my life.
What?
Nobody's ever really liked my cooking before.
Well, they're nuts.
Are you kidding? This is great.
I'll probably... Can I have more?
- Yeah, sure. - No, let me get it.
No. I got it. I can get it.
Hey, you want something to drink?
Yeah. Yeah. Well, let me get that.
'The glasses are right there.'
Okay. Ice?
- 'Yeah, that'd be great.' - Okay.
I like the round cubes with the holes in them.
Those are my favorite kind of cubes.
Oh!
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
You keep knocking me down.
I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Ah, are you alright? - Yeah.
You're a good kisser.
Alright. You're in shock.
I don't want you to think I'm like this 'cause I'm not.
Me, neither.
I mean, if this goes anywhere
it's gonna be at least six months
before you see me naked again.
It's okay. I just want some more of that chicken.
Okay.
Here's some more chicken.
- How is it? - Great.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Still great.
And you're still a good kisser.