1 00:00:03,233 --> 00:00:04,433 - WELL, FIRST OF ALL, 2 00:00:04,433 --> 00:00:06,167 MICHAEL AND GEOFFREY ARE SO CUTE. 3 00:00:06,167 --> 00:00:08,133 - [laughing] THANK YOU. 4 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,233 - THEY'RE VERY FRIENDLY AND HELPFUL 5 00:00:10,233 --> 00:00:12,133 AND ALL THE KIDS LOVE THEM, I LOVE THEM. 6 00:00:12,133 --> 00:00:14,167 - WELL, THANK YOU. 7 00:00:14,167 --> 00:00:15,767 - THEY ARE VERY SPECIAL, 8 00:00:15,767 --> 00:00:18,000 AND THEY'RE SO EXCITED ABOUT DOING A COMEDY ROUTINE 9 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,000 AT THE WINTER CONCERT. 10 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,367 IT'S SO CUTE! 11 00:00:20,367 --> 00:00:22,200 YOU MUST BE VERY PROUD. - OH, YEAH. 12 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,400 - WINTER CONCERT? 13 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,033 - YEAH, RAY. YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT. 14 00:00:26,033 --> 00:00:27,567 - OH, YEAH, I KNOW ABOUT THAT. 15 00:00:27,567 --> 00:00:31,200 I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S WINTER ALREADY. 16 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,133 - HE'S BEEN PRACTICING THEIR ROUTINE WITH THEM. 17 00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,733 HE'S THIS TOTALLY INVOLVED DAD, YOU KNOW? 18 00:00:35,733 --> 00:00:37,233 - YEAH, AND IF YOU NEED ANY HELP 19 00:00:37,233 --> 00:00:40,100 TELLING THEM APART, I'M YOUR GUY. 20 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:41,600 - WELL, ACTUALLY, IT'S GOTTEN EASIER. 21 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,267 BUT THERE ARE SOME DIFFERENCES. 22 00:00:43,267 --> 00:00:45,300 - YEAH, YOU START SEEING IT AROUND THE EYES, RIGHT? 23 00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:47,800 - SURE, THAT, AND THEN THERE ARE SOME OTHER DIFF-- 24 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,100 WELL, LET'S SEE. UM... 25 00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:52,800 THESE ARE THE PRE-K ASSESSMENT FORMS, 26 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,433 AND HERE ARE SOME NUMBERS, 27 00:00:54,433 --> 00:00:55,700 AND THEY BOTH KNOW THEIR NUMBERS, 28 00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:57,133 BUT THEY EACH GOT THE NINE WRONG. 29 00:00:57,133 --> 00:00:58,400 THEY SAID IT WAS A SIX. 30 00:00:58,400 --> 00:00:59,700 THAT'S A COMMON ERROR. 31 00:00:59,700 --> 00:01:01,233 - BUT, YOU KNOW, I GUESS, 32 00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:04,733 IF YOU SHOWED IT TO THEM LIKE THIS, RIGHT? 33 00:01:04,733 --> 00:01:06,367 I MEAN, IT COULD'VE BEEN UPSIDE DOWN. 34 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:10,533 - UH, NO. WE SHOW IT TO THEM LIKE THIS. 35 00:01:10,533 --> 00:01:12,067 - OH. - BUT DON'T WORRY, IT'S A-- 36 00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,733 - COMMON. IT'S A COMMON ERROR. 37 00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:18,767 - AND, UH, WELL, HERE ARE SOME LETTERS, 38 00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:20,433 AND THEY BOTH KNOW ALL THEIR LETTERS. 39 00:01:20,433 --> 00:01:21,967 - WELL, I DO THAT WITH THEM EVERY DAY. 40 00:01:21,967 --> 00:01:23,333 [singing] A, B, C, D-- 41 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:26,967 WELL, YOU KNOW THAT SONG. [laughing] 42 00:01:26,967 --> 00:01:28,400 - YOU OKAY? 43 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,400 - SOMETHING BAD IS COMING. 44 00:01:35,033 --> 00:01:36,033 AM I RIGHT? 45 00:01:36,033 --> 00:01:37,433 - NO, NO, NOT AT ALL. 46 00:01:37,433 --> 00:01:39,267 LET'S JUST, UM-- OH, HERE. 47 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,967 THIS IS A TEST WHERE THE CHILD IS ASKED 48 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,800 TO CUT WITH SCISSORS ON THE LINE. 49 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,400 SO, HERE'S GEOFFREY. 50 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:45,967 - YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD THERE. 51 00:01:45,967 --> 00:01:47,800 - YEAH. MM-HMM. 52 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,333 AND MICHAEL. 53 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,733 - MICHAEL JUST NEEDS TO WORK ON THIS SKILL A LITTLE. 54 00:01:59,733 --> 00:02:02,200 - A LITTLE? WHAT, DID HE CHEW THE PAPER? 55 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,567 - MICHAEL JUST DOESN'T KNOW 56 00:02:06,567 --> 00:02:08,200 HOW TO HOLD THE SCISSORS PROPERLY, 57 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,967 AND HE SEEMS A LITTLE RELUCTANT TO TRY. 58 00:02:09,967 --> 00:02:11,367 - SO WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS? 59 00:02:11,367 --> 00:02:13,800 - IS HE STUPID? YOU SHOULD TELL US. 60 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,500 - NO, NO. NOT AT ALL. 61 00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:18,800 THIS KIND OF THING IS JUST A SIGN OF SLIGHT IMMATURITY, 62 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,267 THAT'S ALL. 63 00:02:20,267 --> 00:02:22,600 AND MICHAEL MIGHT BE JUST A LITTLE YOUNG FOR HIS AGE. 64 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,567 - BUT THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IDENTICAL. 65 00:02:27,367 --> 00:02:29,600 WAS THAT IT? IS IT JUST THE SCISSOR THING? 66 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,733 - WELL, SEE, HERE'S SOME SHAPES, WHERE THEY DRAW SHAPES. 67 00:02:32,733 --> 00:02:34,833 SO, HERE'S GEOFFREY. 68 00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:37,000 AND HERE'S MICHAEL. 69 00:02:41,967 --> 00:02:44,433 AND LET'S SEE... 70 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:50,100 AND THEN THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO DRAW PICTURES OF THEMSELVES. 71 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,200 SO HERE'S GEOFFREY. 72 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:54,333 HERE'S MICHAEL. 73 00:02:57,167 --> 00:02:58,500 AT FIRST HE DIDN'T WANT TO DRAW, 74 00:02:58,500 --> 00:02:59,900 BUT THEN I TALKED HIM THROUGH IT 75 00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:02,033 AND JUST LACKS A LITTLE DETAIL. 76 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,067 - THAT'S A NOSE? WHAT THE HELL? 77 00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,000 - YOU KNOW, UM, 78 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,700 BOYS ARE JUST A LITTLE SLOWER TO DEVELOP THAN GIRLS. 79 00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:16,167 - BUT GEOFFREY'S DEVELOPING ON SCHEDULE. 80 00:03:16,167 --> 00:03:18,633 OH, BOY. MY FATHER'S GONNA LOVE THAT. 81 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:20,800 - WHAT? 82 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,233 SHUT UP. 83 00:03:23,233 --> 00:03:25,667 - EXCUSE ME? - NOTHING. 84 00:03:25,667 --> 00:03:29,033 MY FATHER THINKS THAT GEOFFREY HAS 85 00:03:29,033 --> 00:03:31,267 HOMOSEXUAL TENDENCIES. 86 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,600 BUT, LOOK, 87 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,267 DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS. 88 00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:40,567 HE'S STILL NOT SURE ABOUT ME. [chuckling] 89 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,867 - WELL, IN MY OPINION, 90 00:03:48,867 --> 00:03:51,133 MICHAEL'S ONLY SLIGHTLY BEHIND THE OTHER CHILDREN, 91 00:03:51,133 --> 00:03:54,067 AND I'M SURE HE'LL BE FINE TO MOVE ON TO KINDERGARTEN. 92 00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,300 - BUT THERE'S A QUESTION? 93 00:03:57,300 --> 00:03:58,800 - OH. WELL, NOT WITH ME, 94 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,033 BUT THE KINDERGARTEN TEACHER, RITA, WILL COME DOWN 95 00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,367 AND MAKE HER OWN EVALUATION. 96 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:05,133 - SO MICHAEL MIGHT HAVE TO STAY IN PRESCHOOL 97 00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:06,133 FOR ONE MORE YEAR. 98 00:04:06,133 --> 00:04:07,567 - IT--IT HAPPENS SOMETIMES. 99 00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:09,300 AND IT'S BETTER IF IT HAPPENS IN PRESCHOOL 100 00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,800 BECAUSE THERE'S NO SHAME IN REPEATING AT THIS AGE. 101 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,333 - SURE. RIGHT. 102 00:04:13,333 --> 00:04:15,200 BUT THIS KINDERGARTEN LADY, RITA, 103 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:16,700 SHE'LL MAKE THE CALL? 104 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:17,700 - YES. 105 00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:19,267 - IS SHE TOUGH? 106 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:22,800 - UM, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 107 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,433 - YOU KNOW. 108 00:04:24,433 --> 00:04:26,000 [grunts] 109 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,833 YOU REALLY GOT TO LEAVE HIM BACK? 110 00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:31,567 I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT THAT OTHER KID I SAW, 111 00:04:31,567 --> 00:04:33,600 THE ONE LICKING THE BLACKBOARD? 112 00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:40,633 - RAY, IT'S NOT A COMPETITION. 113 00:04:40,633 --> 00:04:42,967 YOU KNOW, MY BIGGEST CONCERN 114 00:04:42,967 --> 00:04:45,800 IS SPLITTING UP THE BOYS, BECAUSE THEY'RE SO CLOSE. 115 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,667 - WELL, I THOUGHT OF THAT, AND, YOU KNOW, 116 00:04:47,667 --> 00:04:48,800 IF IT COMES DOWN TO IT, 117 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,633 THEY COULD BOTH STAY IN PRE-K ONE MORE TERM. 118 00:04:50,633 --> 00:04:52,300 AGAIN, THEY'RE ON THE YOUNGER SIDE, 119 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:55,233 AND MOVING FORWARD AT THIS AGE ISN'T CRUCIAL. 120 00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:57,300 - I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE THAT WOULD BE BEST. 121 00:04:57,300 --> 00:05:00,067 I--WHAT DO YOU THINK? 122 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,267 - IS THE BOARD-LICKER MOVING UP? 123 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,567 [chilling music] 124 00:05:14,567 --> 00:05:15,567 THEY'RE COMING! 125 00:05:15,567 --> 00:05:21,700 [Beethoven's Ode To Joy playing] 126 00:05:39,067 --> 00:05:40,600 [fire flaring] 127 00:05:48,367 --> 00:05:51,367 [Beethoven's Ode To Joy playing] 128 00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:57,200 - MICHAEL, LIKE THIS. LIKE THIS. 129 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,667 COME ON. LIKE THIS. 130 00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:00,733 - I CAN'T. 131 00:06:00,733 --> 00:06:03,800 - UH, YOU-- DON'T GIVE UP, YOU-- 132 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:04,800 - HOW'S IT GOING? 133 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,933 - SHH. YES. 134 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,767 YOU CAN, MICHAEL. YOU CAN--THERE YOU GO, SEE? 135 00:06:08,767 --> 00:06:10,300 NOW YOU'RE HOLDING IT. THAT'S IT. 136 00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:11,300 THERE, YOU'RE HOLDING IT. 137 00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:12,767 OKAY NOW, NOW LET'S CUT. 138 00:06:12,767 --> 00:06:14,167 - I DON'T WANT TO. 139 00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:15,533 - WELL, SURE, YOU DO. 140 00:06:15,533 --> 00:06:19,533 THIS IS GONNA HELP YOU GET A GOOD JOB SOME DAY. 141 00:06:19,533 --> 00:06:20,533 COME ON. 142 00:06:20,533 --> 00:06:22,100 AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, 143 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,367 ALL THE MILLIONAIRES KNOW HOW TO CUT PAPER. 144 00:06:24,367 --> 00:06:25,867 - OKAY, JUST CUT A STRAIGHT LINE. 145 00:06:25,867 --> 00:06:27,300 GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD. CUT. 146 00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:28,367 BUT NO, STRAIGHT-- 147 00:06:28,367 --> 00:06:29,700 GO STRAIGHT. GO STRAIGHT. 148 00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:32,767 GO STRAIGHT, MIKE! STOP--SLOW DOWN. STOP. 149 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:34,167 GO STRAIGHT ACROSS, OKAY? 150 00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:36,867 NO...NO, NO, NO! 151 00:06:36,867 --> 00:06:38,133 - OKAY, HEY, HEY, HEY, 152 00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:39,500 MAYBE--MAYBE THIS ISN'T A GOOD IDEA. 153 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:40,600 - NO, BUT HE DOESN'T CUT-- 154 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,833 NO! - IT'S OKAY, RAY. 155 00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:43,467 IT'S OKAY. - NO! 156 00:06:43,467 --> 00:06:45,267 - I THINK IT'S BETTER IF HE DOESN'T ASSOCIATE 157 00:06:45,267 --> 00:06:47,467 CUTTING PAPER WITH YOU FOAMING AT THE MOUTH. 158 00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:51,133 WHY DON'T YOU JUST HELP HIM WITH HIS COMEDY ROUTINE? 159 00:06:51,133 --> 00:06:52,600 - YEAH, YEAH. GREAT, GREAT, GREAT. 160 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:56,467 THAT'S A FUTURE. "HEY, HEY, FUNNY BOYS! 161 00:06:56,467 --> 00:07:00,400 "PUT ON THESE CHICKEN HEADS AND HAND OUT THESE COUPONS. 162 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:01,567 "DON'T WORRY, MICHAEL, 163 00:07:01,567 --> 00:07:03,267 WE CUT THEM OUT FOR YOU ALREADY." 164 00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:05,800 - HEY. - HEY, ROBERT. 165 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,600 - ALL RIGHT, MIKE... 166 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,067 GO UPSTAIRS AND-- HERE, PRACTICE CUTTING. 167 00:07:10,067 --> 00:07:11,367 TAKE THE SCISSORS. GO. RUN. 168 00:07:11,367 --> 00:07:14,733 - NO, DON'T RUN! DON'T RUN! 169 00:07:14,733 --> 00:07:16,333 IDIOT. 170 00:07:19,733 --> 00:07:22,067 - THIS IS HOW MICHAEL CUTS PAPER. 171 00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,133 - SO WE HATE HIM NOW? 172 00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:28,633 - HE JUST NEEDS TO WORK ON HIS FINE MOTOR SKILLS A LITTLE. 173 00:07:28,633 --> 00:07:30,667 THEY'RE THINKING OF KEEPING HIM IN PRE-K 174 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:31,933 ONE MORE YEAR. 175 00:07:31,933 --> 00:07:33,600 - REALLY? 176 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,600 INTERESTING. 177 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,167 - WHY? WHY IS THAT INTERESTING? 178 00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:39,067 - OH, NOTHING. 179 00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,500 - YOU GOT ANY DOUGHNUTS? 180 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:42,267 - DON'T GIVE HIM ANY! HE ALREADY HAD TWO! 181 00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:43,900 I STILL HAVE COFFEE LEFT! 182 00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:47,000 YOU REFILLED THAT COFFEE SO YOU COULD HAVE MORE DOUGHNUTS! 183 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,500 - SO SHE ATE THEM! 184 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,267 - THAT'S RIGHT, BECAUSE TWO DOUGHNUTS ARE ENOUGH. 185 00:07:51,267 --> 00:07:52,933 - WELL, HOW MANY DID YOU HAVE? 186 00:07:52,933 --> 00:07:54,567 - WHY DO YOU CHANGE THE SUBJECT? 187 00:07:54,567 --> 00:07:56,700 - ALL RIGHT, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. 188 00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:58,467 I KNOW WHAT TO DO. I KNOW WHAT TO DO. 189 00:07:58,467 --> 00:07:59,667 GET OUT! 190 00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:04,300 - WHAT'S THE MATTER, DEAR? 191 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:06,500 - MICHAEL MIGHT GET LEFT BACK IN PRESCHOOL. 192 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:07,667 - WHAT? 193 00:08:07,667 --> 00:08:11,133 - OH, INTERESTING. 194 00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:12,367 - WHAT? WHAT'S SO INTERESTING? 195 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:15,100 - WHAT, IS HE STUPID? 196 00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:17,167 - NOBODY'S STUPID, FRANK. 197 00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:18,667 MICHAEL'S A LITTLE YOUNG FOR THE CLASS, 198 00:08:18,667 --> 00:08:21,567 AND BESIDES, GIRLS MATURE FASTER THAN BOYS. 199 00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:24,267 - OH, SO I GUESS GEOFFREY'S FINE, THEN. 200 00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:26,333 - YEAH. ALL RIGHT. 201 00:08:27,967 --> 00:08:29,800 - STOP IT, FRANK. 202 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,333 RAYMOND'S UPSET. 203 00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,900 IT'S OKAY, DEAR. IT'S JUST PRESCHOOL. 204 00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:35,400 - THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HIM. 205 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,367 AND IF HE HAS TO STAY, GEOFFREY WILL STAY WITH HIM. 206 00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:40,000 - OH, THAT'S GOOD. - NO, NO, NO! 207 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,700 - WHY NOT, FRANK? 208 00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:42,733 - LAW OF NATURE. 209 00:08:42,733 --> 00:08:44,667 YOU GET LEFT BEHIND, YOU GET EATEN. 210 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:47,800 YOU'RE TOO SOFT ON THE KIDS. 211 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,767 YOU GOT TO PUSH THEM. PUSH THEM FORWARD. 212 00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:54,033 JUST KEEP PUSHING THEM! 213 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,800 - UNTIL WHEN, FRANK? 214 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,533 - UNTIL THEY CRY. 215 00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:01,400 THAT'S NATURE'S WAY OF LETTING YOU KNOW 216 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,467 YOU'VE PUSHED ENOUGH. 217 00:09:07,833 --> 00:09:10,333 - HERE'S A MAN THEY LET HAVE TWO CHILDREN. 218 00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:15,100 - RAYMOND, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE BOYS. 219 00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:17,700 THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL, SWEET BOYS. 220 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:20,300 THEY'RE GONNA FLY AWAY SOON ENOUGH. 221 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:21,533 - YEAH, ALL RIGHT, MA, LOOK, 222 00:09:21,533 --> 00:09:24,067 I WANT THEM TO MOVE UP TO KINDERGARTEN 223 00:09:24,067 --> 00:09:25,367 AND BE WITH THE OTHER CHILDREN. 224 00:09:25,367 --> 00:09:27,433 - OTHER CHILDREN ARE OVERRATED. 225 00:09:29,167 --> 00:09:32,400 BUT IT WON'T HURT MICHAEL AND GEOFFREY 226 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,167 TO STAY LITTLE ONE MORE YEAR. 227 00:09:35,167 --> 00:09:37,500 YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT I DID WITH YOU. 228 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,667 - WHAT? 229 00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:43,667 - IT'S FUNNY. 230 00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,800 [laughing] 231 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,167 I NEVER TOLD YOU THIS, 232 00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:49,533 BUT WHEN YOU WERE THE TWINS' AGE-- 233 00:09:49,533 --> 00:09:52,400 DO YOU REMEMBER NURSERY SCHOOL, USED TO BE ON JAY STREET 234 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,800 WITH THE PRETTY YELLOW FLOWERS OUT FRONT? 235 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,667 WELL, YOU AND I WOULD WALK THERE AND BACK TOGETHER 236 00:09:57,667 --> 00:09:58,667 EVERY MORNING. 237 00:09:58,667 --> 00:10:01,500 AND YOU WERE SO CUTE HOLDING MY HAND. 238 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,100 SO WHEN IT CAME TIME FOR YOU TO GO TO KINDERGARTEN, 239 00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:06,100 WHICH WAS CROSSTOWN WITH A BUS, 240 00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,367 I DECIDED IT WOULD BE NICE FOR EVERYBODY 241 00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:11,733 IF YOU STAYED IN PRESCHOOL ONE MORE YEAR. 242 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,167 - YOU LEFT ME BACK? 243 00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:20,700 - LEFT BACK FOR LOVE. 244 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,600 - THAT, AND YOU WERE SLOW. 245 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,067 I REMEMBER YOU COULDN'T EVEN CUT PAPER. 246 00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:34,800 - HEE HEE! 247 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,133 - FRANK! - WAIT. 248 00:10:36,133 --> 00:10:38,233 WHAT? 249 00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:39,300 WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? 250 00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,033 - NOTHING, SWEETIE. 251 00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:42,700 YOU WERE JUST A LITTLE YOUNG, TOO. 252 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:44,600 SO YOU STAYED THERE ONE MORE YEAR, 253 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:48,400 AND WE GOT TO WALK BY THE YELLOW FLOWERS SOME MORE. 254 00:10:56,833 --> 00:11:01,300 - TH-THAT'S WHY I WAS ALWAYS THE OLDEST IN MY CLASS. 255 00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,567 - YELLOW FLOWERS. 256 00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:07,900 - YOU KNEW? - NO. 257 00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,433 - YES, YOU-- OF COURSE YOU DID! 258 00:11:09,433 --> 00:11:11,100 THAT'S WHAT WAS SO INTERESTING. 259 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:12,600 - OKAY, I KNEW. 260 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,433 - WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? - I DON'T KNOW. 261 00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:16,867 - YOU TELL YOUR BROTHER THIS! - I COULDN'T! 262 00:11:16,867 --> 00:11:18,233 - WHY? - BECAUSE. 263 00:11:18,233 --> 00:11:21,833 - BECAUSE WHY? - BECAUSE I FELT SORRY FOR YOU! 264 00:11:21,833 --> 00:11:24,833 - YOU FELT SORRY FOR ME? 265 00:11:24,833 --> 00:11:27,167 YOU FELT SORRY FOR ME? 266 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:32,800 - RAY, IT WAS JUST PRE-- 267 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,200 - GAH! 268 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,200 - I WAS JUST-- - GAH! 269 00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:45,133 - OH-- - EE--NO! 270 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,733 - MAYBE I SHOULD'VE WAITED ANOTHER YEAR TO TELL HIM. 271 00:12:04,467 --> 00:12:07,000 - DEB. 272 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,533 DEB. 273 00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:21,533 - OW! 274 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:22,733 HEY! 275 00:12:22,733 --> 00:12:25,967 - WHAT'S UP? 276 00:12:25,967 --> 00:12:27,867 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 277 00:12:27,867 --> 00:12:30,067 - AM I STUPID? 278 00:12:30,067 --> 00:12:34,500 - IF THIS IS YOUR NEW WAY OF ASKING FOR SEX, THEN YES. 279 00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:39,067 - COME ON, DON'T YOU SEE? 280 00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:41,067 THAT'S WHAT I PASSED ON TO MICHAEL. 281 00:12:41,067 --> 00:12:42,267 THAT'S MY LEGACY. 282 00:12:42,267 --> 00:12:45,233 - NO, NO, NO. - THE DUMBNESS. 283 00:12:45,233 --> 00:12:48,033 -YOU'VE PASSED ON OTHER THINGS. 284 00:12:50,633 --> 00:12:52,733 YOUR LACK OF TUSHIE. 285 00:12:54,933 --> 00:12:56,667 - HA. YEAH, VERY FUNNY. 286 00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:58,900 YOU HAVE A STUPID KID, YOU DON'T EVEN CARE. 287 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:00,567 - HE IS NOT STUPID. 288 00:13:00,567 --> 00:13:03,533 - THEN WHY ISN'T HE THE SAME AS GEOFFREY? 289 00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:06,767 YOU CAN'T EVEN GET GOOD TWINS ANYMORE. 290 00:13:06,767 --> 00:13:09,533 - WELL, WHY DON'T YOU THINK OF IT THIS WAY, OKAY? 291 00:13:09,533 --> 00:13:12,267 MICHAEL IS THE WAY THE TWINS SHOULD BE, 292 00:13:12,267 --> 00:13:16,100 AND GEOFFREY IS EXCEPTIONAL. 293 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:19,367 - GEOFFREY'S YOUR FAVORITE. 294 00:13:19,367 --> 00:13:21,033 - YOU'RE KIDDING NOW, RIGHT? - ADMIT IT. 295 00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,733 YOU'VE ALWAYS LIKED GEOFFREY BETTER, 296 00:13:22,733 --> 00:13:26,867 AND THAT'S WHY MICHAEL'S GOOFY. 297 00:13:26,867 --> 00:13:28,633 - GOOD NIGHT. 298 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,667 MAYBE IF YOU WERE AROUND A LITTLE MORE, 299 00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:35,767 MICHAEL COULD CUT PAPER. 300 00:13:35,767 --> 00:13:37,633 - AHA! 301 00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:40,500 I KNEW IT WAS RIGHT THERE UNDER THE SURFACE, RIGHT. 302 00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:43,100 SO I SHOULD GO TO WORK AND RAISE THE KIDS, ALL RIGHT. 303 00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,333 IT SHOULD BE ALL ME. 304 00:13:44,333 --> 00:13:45,800 YEAH, AND WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY-- 305 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,367 I'M SORRY. 306 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,433 - EXCUSE ME? - I'M SORRY. 307 00:13:56,433 --> 00:13:57,600 - THAT'S RIGHT, YOU'RE SORRY. 308 00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,000 - THAT'S RIGHT, I'M SORRY! 309 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,800 - YEAH. 310 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,700 - I--LOOK, I JUST-- 311 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:06,233 I WANT THE KIDS TO BE JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. 312 00:14:06,233 --> 00:14:08,267 - THEY ARE. - NO. 313 00:14:08,267 --> 00:14:10,333 NO, THEY SHOULD-- THEY SHOULD MOVE UP 314 00:14:10,333 --> 00:14:12,567 AND GO TO KINDERGARTEN AND BE WITH THEIR FRIENDS 315 00:14:12,567 --> 00:14:17,200 AND KEEP UP WITH THE BOARD-LICKERS. 316 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,433 AND HOW ABOUT THIS? WHAT--WHAT IF-- 317 00:14:19,433 --> 00:14:20,900 WHAT IF ONE DAY GEOFFREY FINDS OUT 318 00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:22,200 THAT HE'S THE SMARTER ONE? 319 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:23,933 HE'LL NEVER LET MICHAEL LIVE IT DOWN. 320 00:14:23,933 --> 00:14:25,333 HE'LL GLOAT. 321 00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:27,633 JUST LIKE ROBERT'S GONNA DO TO ME NOW. 322 00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:28,900 HE'S GONNA GLOAT. 323 00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:31,767 HE'S GONNA GLOAT ALL OVER ME. 324 00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:33,800 - RAY, IT'S PRESCHOOL, 325 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:35,533 AND IF THEY HAVE TO STAY BEHIND, 326 00:14:35,533 --> 00:14:38,900 IT'LL BE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S BEST FOR THEM, RIGHT? 327 00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:42,467 ISN'T THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT THEY'RE HEALTHY AND HAPPY? 328 00:14:44,433 --> 00:14:47,567 - YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT EITHER ONE OF THEM, DO YOU? 329 00:14:51,367 --> 00:14:53,700 - ALL RIGHT, GOOD NEWS! 330 00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:56,100 I WENT DOWN TO THAT SCHOOL AND HAD A LITTLE VISIT 331 00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:59,667 WITH THE KINDERGARTEN BROAD. 332 00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:00,600 - WHAT? 333 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:04,367 - THAT'S RIGHT, I SCHMOOZED HER. 334 00:15:04,367 --> 00:15:06,733 HEY, SHE'S A HUMAN BEING. 335 00:15:06,733 --> 00:15:08,567 AND A WOMAN. 336 00:15:08,567 --> 00:15:09,867 - OH, NO. 337 00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,733 - AND BEING A WOMAN, SHE'S A SUCKER FOR THE OLD 338 00:15:12,733 --> 00:15:14,767 "LOOK HOW MANY PHOTOS OF THE CHILDREN 339 00:15:14,767 --> 00:15:17,067 GRANDPA HAS IN HIS WALLET" BIT. 340 00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:20,967 [in a high-pitched voice] "OH, LOOK! THEY'RE SO ADORABLE! 341 00:15:20,967 --> 00:15:23,467 "AND WHAT A CHARMING GRANDPA! 342 00:15:23,467 --> 00:15:27,567 AND WHAT A DISTINGUISHED-LOOKING FOREHEAD!" 343 00:15:27,567 --> 00:15:28,867 - SHE SAID THAT? 344 00:15:28,867 --> 00:15:31,367 - I PARAPHRASE. 345 00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:33,100 ANYWAY, THE REAL REASON FOR THE BIT IS 346 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:36,800 TO ACCIDENTALLY ALLOW A PEEK AT THE WALLET BEING EXTRA FULL. 347 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,800 - OH, GOD. - OH, NO. 348 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,400 - [chuckles] 349 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,967 - NOW, SHE DIDN'T GIVE ME A DEFINITE ANSWER ABOUT MIKEY, 350 00:15:44,967 --> 00:15:47,133 BUT I SAW HER EYES LIGHT UP. 351 00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:49,467 YOU KNOW, THOSE TEACHERS DON'T MAKE SQUAT. 352 00:15:49,467 --> 00:15:51,500 [chucking] 353 00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:57,633 - I DON'T--I ALWAYS TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE A TRAPDOOR 354 00:15:57,633 --> 00:15:59,533 RIGHT THERE. 355 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,367 - WHAT, NOW YOU'RE MAD? 356 00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:08,167 I DON'T GET YOU TWO. 357 00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:10,333 I'M THINKING OF THE KID! 358 00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:13,467 YOU KNOW, WE THOUGHT THAT LEAVING LITTLE RAYMOND BACK 359 00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:17,433 DIDN'T HURT HIM ANY, BUT WHO THE CRAP KNOWS? 360 00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:20,600 YOU COULD'VE BEEN A YEAR AHEAD IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW. 361 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,133 THAT CAR YOU'RE SAVING UP FOR? 362 00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:24,667 YOU COULD BE DRIVING THAT TODAY. 363 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,600 YOU COULD'VE BOUGHT THE HOUSE A YEAR SOONER, 364 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,733 MET DEBRA A YEAR SOONER, 365 00:16:30,733 --> 00:16:32,833 HAD THE KIDS A YEAR SOONER, 366 00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:34,500 WHICH, IF YOU DID, BY THE WAY, 367 00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:36,467 WOULD PUT MICHAEL RIGHT ON TRACK, 368 00:16:36,467 --> 00:16:39,733 AND WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION! 369 00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:43,767 - ALL RIGHT, JUST HOLD IT, FRANK. 370 00:16:43,767 --> 00:16:45,333 DO YOU WANT TO HELP THE KIDS? 371 00:16:45,333 --> 00:16:48,767 WHY DON'T YOU START BY SETTING A DECENT MORAL EXAMPLE? 372 00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:51,600 NONE OF THIS MATTERS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 373 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:52,800 THEY ARE FOUR. 374 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,367 WE JUST WANT THEM TO BE HEALTHY AND HAPPY! 375 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:02,267 - GOOD LUCK ON THAT ONE. 376 00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,800 - THAT'S WHERE YOU GET IT FROM. 377 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,733 - THAT'S GREAT, I'M GONNA BE STUPID AND BALD. 378 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,700 - HEY, CHUCKLEHEADS, LET'S GO, MAKE THE BEDS! 379 00:17:16,700 --> 00:17:19,567 COME ON, ISN'T TODAY THE BIG WINTER CONCERT GIG? 380 00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:20,500 - YEAH. - YEAH. 381 00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,300 - YEAH, YOU'RE EXCITED, RIGHT? 382 00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:25,867 SO LET'S MOVE LIKE LITTLE EXCITED PEOPLE. 383 00:17:25,867 --> 00:17:27,367 - RAY? 384 00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:29,367 - WHAT? - COME HERE. 385 00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:34,067 I GOT THE CALL FROM THE PRINCIPAL. 386 00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:35,467 - WHAT, ABOUT THEM? 387 00:17:35,467 --> 00:17:36,933 - YEAH. 388 00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:38,167 THEY THINK THAT MICHAEL 389 00:17:38,167 --> 00:17:41,733 SHOULD STAY IN PRESCHOOL ANOTHER YEAR. 390 00:17:41,733 --> 00:17:43,433 - OH... 391 00:17:46,033 --> 00:17:48,600 SO THEN GEOFFREY, TOO? 392 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,600 - MM. 393 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,967 - YEAH. 394 00:17:51,967 --> 00:17:53,500 - [sighs] 395 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:55,300 - SO THEN... 396 00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,400 THAT'S OKAY, RIGHT? 397 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,900 I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT WE SAID, 398 00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:02,033 HAPPY AND HEALTHY. 399 00:18:02,033 --> 00:18:05,033 WE STILL WANT THAT? 400 00:18:05,033 --> 00:18:06,033 - YEAH. 401 00:18:06,033 --> 00:18:08,633 - UM. - YEAH. 402 00:18:08,633 --> 00:18:09,633 - YOU OKAY? 403 00:18:09,633 --> 00:18:10,633 - YEAH. 404 00:18:10,633 --> 00:18:12,300 I JUST THOUGHT YOU'D BE UPSET. 405 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:15,633 - NO, I'M, YOU KNOW, I'M--I'M GOOD. 406 00:18:15,633 --> 00:18:16,433 - GOOD. - YEAH. 407 00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:17,533 - YEAH, THEY'LL BE FINE. 408 00:18:17,533 --> 00:18:19,300 - YEAH, THEY'LL BE TOGETHER. 409 00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:22,633 - YEAH, NO, IT'S--IT'S GOOD. IT'S GOOD. 410 00:18:24,933 --> 00:18:26,867 OKAY. 411 00:18:26,867 --> 00:18:28,167 ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS, COME ON, 412 00:18:28,167 --> 00:18:30,167 YOU'RE THE BIG COMEDY STARS TODAY. 413 00:18:30,167 --> 00:18:32,167 - LOOK, DADDY, I MADE MY BED. 414 00:18:32,167 --> 00:18:35,500 - YEAH, GEOFFREY, YOU DID A GOOD JOB. 415 00:18:47,433 --> 00:18:51,133 MIKEY, YOU'RE DOING IT THERE. 416 00:18:51,133 --> 00:18:52,600 GOOD. 417 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:57,133 HEY, MIKE. 418 00:18:57,133 --> 00:18:59,233 COME HERE. 419 00:18:59,233 --> 00:19:00,867 YOU LIKE YOUR SCHOOL? 420 00:19:00,867 --> 00:19:03,533 - YEAH. - YEAH. 421 00:19:03,533 --> 00:19:06,333 YOU LIKE SARAH, YOUR TEACHER? 422 00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:09,767 - YEAH. - YEAH, ME TOO. 423 00:19:09,767 --> 00:19:14,767 H-HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY IN HER CLASS NEXT YEAR? 424 00:19:14,767 --> 00:19:15,767 - OKAY. 425 00:19:15,767 --> 00:19:16,800 - YEAH? GOOD. 426 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,033 OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, 427 00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:20,867 IF YOU WANT TO, YOU CAN, OKAY? 428 00:19:20,867 --> 00:19:23,100 - OKAY. - GOOD. 429 00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:26,800 GOOD. 430 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,500 - DO I HAVE TO CUT PAPER NOW? 431 00:19:30,767 --> 00:19:33,333 - NO. NO. 432 00:19:34,867 --> 00:19:37,100 NO. 433 00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:39,000 UNLESS YOU WANT TO. 434 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,033 - NO. 435 00:19:40,033 --> 00:19:42,500 LOOK, I HAVE PANTS LIKE DADDY. 436 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:43,867 - HM. 437 00:19:43,867 --> 00:19:47,567 YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT? 438 00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:49,633 JUST LIKE DADDY. 439 00:19:52,867 --> 00:19:54,400 COME HERE. 440 00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:02,100 all: [singing] JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS 441 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,133 JINGLE ALL THE WAY 442 00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:06,467 OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE 443 00:20:06,467 --> 00:20:10,800 IN A ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH 444 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,733 [applause] 445 00:20:20,667 --> 00:20:21,700 - THANKS, EVERYBODY. 446 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,233 AND NOW FOR A VERY SPECIAL TREAT: 447 00:20:23,233 --> 00:20:27,033 THE COMEDY TEAM OF MICHAEL AND GEOFFREY BARONE! 448 00:20:27,033 --> 00:20:30,167 [applause] 449 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,733 - HELLO, MICHAEL, I JUST FLEW IN FROM CLEVELAND. 450 00:20:39,433 --> 00:20:41,633 - AND YOUR ARMS ARE VERY TIRED! 451 00:20:41,633 --> 00:20:44,567 [laughter and applause] 452 00:20:47,567 --> 00:20:51,500 YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN SWIMMING SINCE I WAS THREE. 453 00:20:55,333 --> 00:20:58,167 - AND YOUR ARMS ARE VERY TIRED. 454 00:20:58,167 --> 00:21:01,300 [laughter and applause] 455 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,533 IF YOU'RE AMERICAN IN THE LIVING ROOM, 456 00:21:11,533 --> 00:21:14,133 WHAT ARE YOU IN THE BATHROOM? 457 00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:18,767 - YOU'RE A-PEEIN'! 458 00:21:18,767 --> 00:21:21,700 [laughter and applause] 459 00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:29,100 - THAT ONE WAS MINE. 460 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,100 - HEY. - HEY, WHAT'S UP? 461 00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:41,567 - YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, I GOT THAT GARDEN 462 00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:43,867 GROWING ON MY TERRACE OVER MY APARTMENT, 463 00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:46,433 AND I THOUGHT I'D BRING YOU GUYS SOME PLANTS. 464 00:21:46,433 --> 00:21:47,967 - REALLY? ALL RIGHT, GOOD. 465 00:21:47,967 --> 00:21:49,233 - YEAH. 466 00:21:49,233 --> 00:21:51,267 I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THESE. 467 00:22:03,933 --> 00:22:05,633 ENJOY.