1 00:00:03,333 --> 00:00:04,800 - SO YOU'RE STUCK WITH DEBRA'S PARENTS 2 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:07,333 FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND? 3 00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:09,033 - WELL, WE HARDLY GET TO SEE THEM, 4 00:00:09,033 --> 00:00:10,567 SO WHEN THEY COME TO TOWN, 5 00:00:10,567 --> 00:00:13,367 WE WANT TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE WITH THEM. 6 00:00:20,567 --> 00:00:23,567 I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT'S HOW I FEEL. 7 00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:27,500 - I DON'T KNOW. 8 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,200 THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT DEBRA'S MOM. 9 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,567 SHE GIVES ME THE WILLIES. 10 00:00:31,567 --> 00:00:34,900 - WHAT ABOUT THE HUSBAND? HE'S THE WEIRD ONE. 11 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:37,433 HE GOT ALL THAT LOTION ON HIM. 12 00:00:37,433 --> 00:00:39,067 HE'S ALL SLICK AND MOIST, 13 00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:42,667 LIKE A BEAVER RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS. 14 00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:44,067 [doorbell rings] 15 00:00:44,067 --> 00:00:45,467 - RAY, COULD YOU GET THAT? 16 00:00:45,467 --> 00:00:48,033 - COME IN! 17 00:00:48,033 --> 00:00:49,767 - GET THE DOOR, RAY. 18 00:00:49,767 --> 00:00:52,100 - ALL RIGHT. 19 00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:55,667 COME IN! 20 00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:57,833 - OH, HELLO, RAYMOND. 21 00:00:57,833 --> 00:01:00,233 - HEY, THERE, UH, DEBRA! 22 00:01:00,233 --> 00:01:03,167 - HAPPY TURKEY'S EVE, RAYMOND. WAH! 23 00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:05,533 - HEY, SAME TO YOU. DEB! OH, OKAY. 24 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:08,367 - HI, MOM, DAD. YOU MADE IT. 25 00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:10,367 - MM-HMM. IN RECORD TIME. - YEAH? 26 00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:12,900 YOUR MOTHER KEPT AN EAGLE EYE OUT FOR SMOKIES. 27 00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:14,267 - AH. [laughs] - WARREN. 28 00:01:14,267 --> 00:01:15,467 - HI, GRANDMA. HI, GRANDPA. 29 00:01:15,467 --> 00:01:17,433 - HI, KIDDIES. HI THERE, BABIES. 30 00:01:17,433 --> 00:01:20,033 - OH, ISN'T THIS NICE? 31 00:01:20,033 --> 00:01:21,500 CONNECTICUT GRANDMA AND GRANDPA 32 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:24,667 AND REGULAR GRANDMA AND GRANDPA. 33 00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:27,800 WHO WANTS TOOTSIE POPS? 34 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,700 - ME! ME! ME! 35 00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:36,667 - OH, LOIS. [laughs] 36 00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:38,100 [kissing] 37 00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:39,333 - HI, MARIE. - HI. 38 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:42,700 - MARIE, YOU'RE LOOKING WONDERFUL! 39 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:45,067 - [laughs] OH, I JUST THINK I LOOK A WRECK. 40 00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:47,800 I'VE BEEN HELPING DEBRA COOK. 41 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,733 - I'LL GET THE REST. - OH, AND, ROBERT, 42 00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:55,700 HOW NICE THAT YOU'RE HERE. 43 00:02:00,567 --> 00:02:01,733 OH. 44 00:02:17,167 --> 00:02:19,433 - OH, HE HAD TO GO. HE'S-- 45 00:02:19,433 --> 00:02:22,567 HE'S--HE'S, UH, PASSING A STONE. 46 00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:25,933 - COULD YOU GET UP, FRANK? AND WOULD YOU GIVE ME THOSE? 47 00:02:25,933 --> 00:02:27,633 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 48 00:02:27,633 --> 00:02:29,600 - PANTS, DAD. PANTS, PANTS. 49 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,533 - OH. 50 00:02:36,033 --> 00:02:38,867 - YOU WANT THEM UP OR DOWN? WHAT KIND OF PARTY IS THIS? 51 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,400 [laughter] 52 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,033 - YOU CAN NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT MY PARENTS AGAIN EVER. 53 00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,700 I MEAN IT. 54 00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:47,500 - OKAY, WELL, THIS IS ALL OF IT. 55 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:48,967 - WHOO, YOU GOT THAT? - YEAH. 56 00:02:48,967 --> 00:02:51,233 - OH, MY GOODNESS. 57 00:02:51,233 --> 00:02:53,633 HOW LONG ARE YOUR RELATIVES STAYING, DEAR? 58 00:02:53,633 --> 00:02:55,367 - WELL, WE HARDLY GET TO SEE 'EM WHEN THEY COME TO TOWN, 59 00:02:55,367 --> 00:02:58,667 WE WANT TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE WITH THEM. 60 00:03:01,467 --> 00:03:05,600 - THIS IS FOR OUR TRIP TO BADEN-BADEN IN GERMANY. 61 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,900 - IT'S IN THE SCHWARZWALD, 62 00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:10,467 RIGHT ON THE BANKS OF THE OOSBACH. 63 00:03:10,467 --> 00:03:12,867 - OOSBACH? YOU KNOW, THERE ARE PLENTY OF PLACES 64 00:03:12,867 --> 00:03:15,400 WITH FUNNY-SOUNDING NAMES RIGHT HERE IN THE U.S. 65 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:16,800 - THAT'S ENOUGH, FRANK. 66 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,867 - MILWAUKEE. - DAD. 67 00:03:18,867 --> 00:03:21,233 - LAKE TAHOE. 68 00:03:21,233 --> 00:03:22,967 - WHAT'S FUNNY ABOUT THAT? 69 00:03:22,967 --> 00:03:26,700 - TAHOE. - [chuckles] 70 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:31,033 - ACTUALLY, BADEN-BADEN HAS THE MOST AMAZING SPA. 71 00:03:31,033 --> 00:03:33,833 - IT IS AMAZING, OR AS THEY SAY, 72 00:03:33,833 --> 00:03:36,267 ERSTAUNLICH. 73 00:03:36,267 --> 00:03:40,200 - I GOT SPIT ALL OVER ME HERE. 74 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,533 [buzzer] - OOH, MY YAMS. 75 00:03:42,533 --> 00:03:43,933 - PLENTY OF MARSHMALLOWS, RIGHT, MARIE? 76 00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,500 - OF COURSE. - BECAUSE 77 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:47,767 WITHOUT THE MARSHMALLOWS, IT'S A DAMN VEGETABLE. 78 00:03:47,767 --> 00:03:49,267 - I KNOW, FRANK. 79 00:03:49,267 --> 00:03:51,167 - I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY YAMS, SO, RAY, 80 00:03:51,167 --> 00:03:52,833 COULD YOU SHOW MY PARENTS UPSTAIRS, HON? 81 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:56,400 - UH, YEAH, ALL RIGHT. IT'S JUST--IT'S UP THOSE STAIRS. 82 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,267 - TAKE THEM UP TO THE ROOM, RAY! 83 00:03:58,267 --> 00:04:00,633 - AH. WE HARDLY GET TO SEE YOU. WHEN YOU COME, 84 00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:03,067 WE WANT TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE WITH YOU. 85 00:04:04,133 --> 00:04:06,567 - IT'S SO NICE OF YOU 86 00:04:06,567 --> 00:04:07,600 - CAPE COD. 87 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,567 - OKAY. DAD--DAD, WE GET IT. 88 00:04:12,533 --> 00:04:16,333 - I LIKE THE "COD" PART. [laughs] 89 00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:24,300 - SO THIS IS IT. THE BEDROOM. 90 00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:28,600 - YOU MEAN, DAS SHLAUFZIMMER. 91 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,467 - YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I MEAN. 92 00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:32,700 - IT'S SO NICE OF YOU 93 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:34,933 TO GIVE UP YOUR ROOM FOR US, RAYMOND. 94 00:04:34,933 --> 00:04:37,133 I HOPE WE'RE NOT PUTTING YOU OUT. 95 00:04:37,133 --> 00:04:38,867 - NO, NO, NO, EXCEPT FOR THE PART 96 00:04:38,867 --> 00:04:40,100 WHERE I GOT TO GET OUT. 97 00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:43,667 [laughter] 98 00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:45,100 OKAY. 99 00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:48,533 UH, I'LL JUST GET MY JAMMIES. 100 00:04:48,533 --> 00:04:51,967 - YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE BEST THING TO SLEEP IN? 101 00:04:51,967 --> 00:04:54,433 - A HOTEL? 102 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,767 - NOTHING. AU NATUREL. 103 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:02,967 IT REALLY GIVES THE BODY A SENSE OF FREEDOM, HUH, HONEY? 104 00:05:02,967 --> 00:05:05,500 - OH, LET FREEDOM RING. HA HA. 105 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:11,367 - OH, YEAH, THIS IS WUNDERBAR. 106 00:05:11,367 --> 00:05:15,967 - AH. NICE FIRM MATTRESS, HUH? 107 00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:19,233 - YEAH. OH, YEAH. 108 00:05:19,233 --> 00:05:21,733 OH, THIS WILL BE GREAT FOR MY HIP. 109 00:05:38,933 --> 00:05:41,667 - MY PILLOW. 110 00:05:54,867 --> 00:05:56,600 DEBRA. 111 00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:02,100 DEBRA. - WHAT? 112 00:06:03,567 --> 00:06:07,367 - DOES YOUR FATHER SHOWER BEFORE HE GOES TO BED? 113 00:06:09,033 --> 00:06:11,500 - I DON'T KNOW. 114 00:06:12,467 --> 00:06:16,967 - WE HAVE TO GET A NEW BED. 115 00:06:16,967 --> 00:06:19,500 - WOULD YOU JUST GO TO SLEEP? 116 00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,033 MY GOODNESS, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY 117 00:06:21,033 --> 00:06:24,767 TO HAVE SOME NORMAL PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE FOR A CHANGE. 118 00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:29,100 - HEY, SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT MY FATHER, 119 00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:33,400 HE'S NEVER BEEN NAKED IN OUR BED. 120 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:37,600 EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE SUPER BOWL. 121 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:41,267 - YOU TOLD ME HE WAS WEARING UNDERWEAR. 122 00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:43,733 - JUST SOCKS. 123 00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:48,533 - WE GOT TO GET A NEW BED. 124 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,100 - [grunts] 125 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:55,633 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 126 00:06:55,633 --> 00:06:58,700 - THIRSTY. 127 00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:02,667 YOU KNOW, IF YOU LISTEN REAL CAREFUL, 128 00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:06,000 YOU CAN HEAR MY PILLOW SCREAMING. 129 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,733 - EVERYBODY'S GETTING NAKED IN MY BED EXCEPT ME. 130 00:07:23,233 --> 00:07:25,933 - I AM GETTING SOMETHING TO DRINK. 131 00:07:25,933 --> 00:07:27,333 - WELL, YOU HAVE TO DO THE HOMEWORK. 132 00:07:27,333 --> 00:07:31,200 - I WAS DOING THE HOMEWORK, COMMANDANT. 133 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,600 - NO, YOU WEREN'T DOING IT RIGHT. 134 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,333 THE BINDER SAYS TO LIST 135 00:07:35,333 --> 00:07:38,167 OUR PARTNER'S POSITIVE QUALITIES WITH EXAMPLES. 136 00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:39,800 NOW, HAVE YOU DONE ANY OF THE-- 137 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,333 - FINE. 138 00:07:41,333 --> 00:07:46,267 "WARREN IS VERY, VERY GOOD AT BEING CONTROLLING." 139 00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:47,900 - "CONTROLLING" HAS TWO "L"s. 140 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,100 LET ME SEE WHAT ELSE YOU WROTE. 141 00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,800 - GET AWAY FROM ME. - LOIS, 142 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,233 SHOW ME WHAT YOU WROTE. 143 00:07:52,233 --> 00:07:54,000 I DON'T WANT TO LOOK RIDICULOUS THIS WEEK. 144 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:57,367 - THAT'S RIGHT. ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS HOW YOU LOOK. 145 00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:59,567 WELL, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO GO TO THIS THING. 146 00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:01,433 WHY CAN'T WE JUST GO TO BADEN-BADEN 147 00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:04,067 LIKE WE TOLD EVERYBODY? 148 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:14,067 WELL, MAYBE IT'S WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW. 149 00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:15,533 - [spitting] 150 00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:18,600 - THIS THING IS GOING TO BE A WASTE OF TIME. 151 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,767 - YOU ARE SO DAMNED NEGATIVE. 152 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,267 YOU DON'T THINK WE NEED A LITTLE HELP? 153 00:08:23,267 --> 00:08:24,733 HOW ABOUT THE SEX? WHAT ABOUT THE SEX? 154 00:08:24,733 --> 00:08:27,467 - I AM NOT WITHHOLDING SEX FROM YOU. I AM TIRED. 155 00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:30,467 CAN'T I EVER BE TIRED? IS THAT ALLOWED? 156 00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,633 - WELL, I'M NEVER TOO TIRED. 157 00:08:34,633 --> 00:08:37,333 PUT THAT ON THE LIST. THAT'S A GOOD QUALITY. 158 00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:39,133 - OH, YES, YOU'D LIKE 159 00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:41,000 FOR EVERYONE TO SEE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU? 160 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,600 - WHAT? ALL OF A SUDDEN 161 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,900 DISCUSSING OUR SEX LIFE IS VERBOTEN? 162 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:47,867 - UGH. THAT FACE. 163 00:08:47,867 --> 00:08:49,067 - WHAT FACE? 164 00:08:49,067 --> 00:08:50,333 - YOUR LANGUAGE FACE. 165 00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:53,700 "VERBOTEN, OOSBACH." 166 00:08:56,933 --> 00:08:58,133 - I NEVER MAKE THAT FACE. 167 00:08:58,133 --> 00:08:59,667 - YOU HAVE A FACE FOR EVERYTHING. 168 00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:03,800 HERE IS YOUR "HOW IS MY HAIR?" FACE. 169 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,100 OH, AND MY FAVORITE, 170 00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:08,433 "WE'RE OUT OF VERMOUTH?" 171 00:09:11,733 --> 00:09:13,633 - I NEED THE VERMOUTH 172 00:09:13,633 --> 00:09:16,000 TO PUT UP WITH YOUR PHONINESS. 173 00:09:19,633 --> 00:09:23,000 "OH, WE'RE OFF TO BADEN-BADEN. 174 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:28,533 OH, ROBERT, HOW WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU AGAIN." 175 00:09:28,533 --> 00:09:31,133 [kissing] 176 00:09:31,133 --> 00:09:33,133 COME ON, YOU KNOW THE GUY FREAKS YOU OUT. 177 00:09:33,133 --> 00:09:36,033 - YOU ARE EXACTLY THE SAME, 178 00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,533 AND THESE ARE NOT THE PEOPLE 179 00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:39,700 TO TELL THAT YOU'RE GOING TO MARRIAGE COUNSELING. 180 00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:41,433 - LOIS, IT'S ONLY FOR A WEEK. 181 00:09:41,433 --> 00:09:44,867 - OH, YES, ONLY A WEEK OF MARRIAGE COUNSELING 182 00:09:44,867 --> 00:09:46,367 IN NEW JERSEY. 183 00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:49,300 IT'S LIKE GETTING SHOT AND THEN HUNG. 184 00:09:51,733 --> 00:09:54,267 - HANGED. 185 00:10:58,433 --> 00:11:01,067 - WHAT'S GOING ON? 186 00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:03,700 - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU LAST NIGHT? 187 00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:05,633 DID YOU GO OVER TO YOUR PARENTS' TO SLEEP? 188 00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:11,333 - WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? 189 00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:12,900 NO, I SLEPT IN THE DAMN GARAGE. 190 00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:15,300 - WHAT? YOU SLEPT IN THE CAR? 191 00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:23,933 - NO, I SLEPT ON THE SLED. 192 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,833 - HONEY, WHY? 193 00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:27,233 - I WAS TRAPPED DOWN THERE. 194 00:11:27,233 --> 00:11:29,500 YOUR PARENTS WERE DOWN HERE YAPPING, 195 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:33,267 AND I FELL ASLEEP, WAITING FOR THEM TO GO UPSTAIRS. 196 00:11:33,267 --> 00:11:35,833 - WHAT, SO YOU WERE HIDING FROM THEM? 197 00:11:35,833 --> 00:11:38,567 - THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT PERSONAL STUFF. 198 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,267 - SO? 199 00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:46,733 - YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY WERE SAYING? 200 00:11:48,133 --> 00:11:51,000 - "WHAT'S THAT SMELL IN THE GARAGE?" 201 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,200 - IT WAS ABOUT THEIR TRIP... 202 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,333 THEIR FAKEY-FAKE TRIP... 203 00:12:05,233 --> 00:12:07,733 TO THAT FOREIGN PLACE. 204 00:12:07,733 --> 00:12:09,567 - WHAT, BADEN-BADEN? 205 00:12:09,567 --> 00:12:11,600 - MM, SEE? YOU WANT TO KNOW. 206 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:17,067 THEY'RE NOT REALLY GOING THERE. 207 00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:20,233 THEY'RE GOING TO NEW JERSEY. 208 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:23,767 - NEW JERSEY? 209 00:12:23,767 --> 00:12:26,800 - FOR A WEEK WITH A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR. 210 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,167 THAT'S RIGHT. 211 00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:34,667 - HUH. 212 00:12:34,667 --> 00:12:35,867 - "HUH?" THAT'S IT? 213 00:12:35,867 --> 00:12:37,433 THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GONNA SAY? "HUH"? 214 00:12:37,433 --> 00:12:39,633 COME ON, THIS IS BIG DOINGS HERE, SISTER, HUH? 215 00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:42,200 SHE--HE HATES THAT SHE'S A PHONY, 216 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:46,000 AND SHE HATES HIS "OOSBACH FACE." 217 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:50,367 - YOU KNOW WHAT, RAY? THAT--IT'S A PRIVATE MATTER. 218 00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:52,600 AND MY PARENTS, UNLIKE YOURS, 219 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,033 DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO INFLICT THEIR LIVES 220 00:12:55,033 --> 00:12:56,867 ON EVERYBODY ELSE. 221 00:12:56,867 --> 00:12:58,967 - OR MAYBE THEY'RE A LITTLE EMBARRASSED 222 00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:02,600 BECAUSE, AS IT TURNS OUT, THEY'RE NOT SO PERFECT. 223 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,667 - YEAH, OR MAYBE THEY'RE JUST TRYING 224 00:13:04,667 --> 00:13:06,533 TO WORK OUT THEIR PROBLEMS BEFORE THEIR MARRIAGE 225 00:13:06,533 --> 00:13:08,733 DEGENERATES INTO A SCREAMING MATCH 226 00:13:08,733 --> 00:13:10,300 LIKE YOUR PARENTS'. 227 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,433 ARGUING ABOUT HOW DEEP A PAN IS BEFORE IT'S A POT. 228 00:13:13,433 --> 00:13:15,600 [as Frank] "IF IT'S 3 INCHES, IT'S A POT. 229 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,200 EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT, MARIE." 230 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,600 [as Marie] "IF YOU CAN'T BOIL AN EGG IN IT, 231 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,467 IT'S NOT A POT, YOU JACKASS." 232 00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:28,100 - HEY, EITHER WAY, 233 00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:29,767 YOUR PERFECT LITTLE CONNECTICUT, 234 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:31,800 "OH, OH, MAKE SURE YOU CUT THE CRUST 235 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:36,033 OFF MY CUCUMBER SANDWICH" PARENTS ARE FRAUDS. 236 00:13:36,033 --> 00:13:37,300 - YOU LISTEN. 237 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:40,267 IF MY PARENTS LIT AN ORPHANAGE ON FIRE 238 00:13:40,267 --> 00:13:41,633 ON CHRISTMAS EVE, 239 00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:43,833 THEY WOULDN'T BE AS BAD AS YOUR PARENTS! 240 00:13:43,833 --> 00:13:45,167 HUH? - YEAH. 241 00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:47,267 OH! 242 00:13:47,267 --> 00:13:49,733 DROPPED THE TURKEY. DROPPED THE-- 243 00:14:29,533 --> 00:14:32,667 I ALWAYS WONDERED WHERE THE FLAVOR CAME FROM. 244 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,033 - OOH, NO RUNNING ON THANKSGIVING. 245 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,067 - WHERE AM I SITTING TODAY, DEB? 246 00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:47,767 - UH, BETWEEN MY MOM AND YOUR MOM. 247 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,300 - GOT ANY HARD CIDER? 248 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,367 - OH, THE PARADE IS ON. I LOVE THE PARADE. 249 00:15:05,367 --> 00:15:07,467 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - WHAT? 250 00:15:07,467 --> 00:15:09,033 - YOU--YOU TURNED OFF THE PARADE 251 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,867 JUST 'CAUSE I SAID I LOVED IT? 252 00:15:10,867 --> 00:15:13,867 - THAT WAS A COINCIDENCE. 253 00:15:13,867 --> 00:15:15,400 - CHANGE IT BACK. 254 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,167 - NO. 255 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:20,133 - I'M SCRAPING THE MARSHMALLOWS OFF THE YAMS. 256 00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:25,267 - YOUR PARENTS ARE A TREASURE. 257 00:15:25,267 --> 00:15:28,067 - HEY, HEY, HAPPY TURKEY DAY, YOU IN-LAWS. 258 00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:30,500 - HEY THERE. - YES, RAYMOND, THANKS AGAIN 259 00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,300 FOR THE LOVELY ACCOMMODATIONS. 260 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,167 - THE COZIEST B & B ON LONG ISLAND. 261 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,467 - [laughs] 262 00:15:35,467 --> 00:15:37,300 - THINK IT'LL BE AS COZY OVER IN EUROPE? 263 00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:38,500 - OH, I DOUBT IT. 264 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:41,100 - [chuckles] SO DO I. YEAH. 265 00:15:42,467 --> 00:15:45,233 - SO WHERE YOU KEEPING THE LIBATIONS LOCKED UP? 266 00:15:45,233 --> 00:15:47,233 IT'S GOT TO BE AFTER 5:00 SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD. 267 00:15:47,233 --> 00:15:49,233 - [laughs] - I'M WITH YOU, WARREN. 268 00:15:49,233 --> 00:15:51,733 LET'S GET SNOCKERED. - [laughs] 269 00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:55,167 - UH, DEBRA, LET ME HELP YOU. 270 00:15:55,167 --> 00:15:57,133 - OH, THANKS, MOM. YEAH, RIGHT HERE. 271 00:15:57,133 --> 00:15:59,400 SO HOW'S IT GOING? 272 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:00,800 - YEAH, HOW'S IT GOING? 273 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,033 - EVERYTHING'S FINE. 274 00:16:02,033 --> 00:16:03,300 - OH, YEAH? - MM. 275 00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:04,500 - I BET YOU'RE REAL EXCITED 276 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,067 ABOUT YOUR TRIP TO HAAGEN-DAAGEN. 277 00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:10,300 - RAY... 278 00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:12,200 - WHAT? I'M HAVING A CONVERSATION. 279 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,600 I CAN'T TALK TO MY WIFE'S MOTHER? 280 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,167 - PUMPKIN, CAN I INTEREST YOU IN AN APERITIF? 281 00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:20,133 - OH, THAT WOULD BE LOVELY. 282 00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:24,000 - HEY, MARIE, BEER! 283 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,000 - GET IT YOURSELF. 284 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,267 - HERE YOU ARE, MEINE LIEBCHEN. 285 00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:31,033 - OH, THANK YOU, DARLING. MWA. 286 00:16:32,467 --> 00:16:35,033 OH, JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT. WUNDERBAR! [laughs] 287 00:16:35,033 --> 00:16:37,067 - MOM, MOM, THAT'S ENOUGH. 288 00:16:37,067 --> 00:16:38,967 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DEAR? 289 00:16:38,967 --> 00:16:41,967 - IT'S ENOUGH, OKAY? I KNOW. 290 00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:44,667 - WHAT? WHAT'S ENOUGH? WHAT DO YOU KNOW? WHAT? 291 00:16:47,667 --> 00:16:50,267 - UH, NO--NOTHING, MARIE. IT'S PRIVATE. 292 00:16:50,267 --> 00:16:52,533 - PRIVATE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, PRIVATE? 293 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,333 HEY--PRIVATE. 294 00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:56,800 - UH, NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? UH, IT'S NOTHING, REALLY. 295 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,667 I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 296 00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:01,633 I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, MOM. OKAY, LET'S ALL, UH, EAT. 297 00:17:01,633 --> 00:17:03,867 - OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA, DEBRA. 298 00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:05,333 EVERYTHING LOOKS DELICIOUS. 299 00:17:05,333 --> 00:17:06,967 - GOOD, OKAY, MOM, YOU SIT HERE. DAD, YOU CAN SIT-- 300 00:17:06,967 --> 00:17:08,433 - NO. 301 00:17:08,433 --> 00:17:10,333 - WHAT? 302 00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:11,867 - I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE. 303 00:17:11,867 --> 00:17:13,633 - WARREN. - NO, 304 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,433 I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO HIDE. 305 00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:18,000 I'M TIRED OF THESE PRETENSIONS, 306 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,633 AND I'M TIRED OF THIS CHARADE. 307 00:17:21,633 --> 00:17:23,333 AS IT HAPPENS, UH, 308 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,233 WE'RE NOT GOING TO BADEN-BADEN THIS WEEK. 309 00:17:25,233 --> 00:17:28,500 WE'RE GOING TO PISCATAWAY. 310 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,267 - HEY, THAT'S FUNNY-SOUNDING. 311 00:17:34,033 --> 00:17:37,133 - LOIS AND I ARE GOING FOR A WEEK OF MARRIAGE COUNSELING. 312 00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:38,467 - [gasps] 313 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,600 - WELL, IT'S NOT A FULL WEEK. 314 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,433 SO CAN'T WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE? 315 00:17:43,433 --> 00:17:45,167 - YEAH. [clears throat] - ROBERT, 316 00:17:45,167 --> 00:17:48,467 HAS YOUR STONE PASSED? 317 00:17:54,967 --> 00:17:58,167 - I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND YOU. 318 00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:02,433 - I'M SORRY, BUT IT'S NOT HEALTHY 319 00:18:02,433 --> 00:18:05,233 TO GO ON PRETENDING THAT EVERYTHING IS FINE 320 00:18:05,233 --> 00:18:06,767 WHEN IT ISN'T. 321 00:18:06,767 --> 00:18:08,500 - MA, YOU WANT TO PUT THE TURKEY DOWN? 322 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,567 - NO. 323 00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:13,633 - WHO ARE YOU TO TALK ABOUT HEALTHY 324 00:18:13,633 --> 00:18:16,633 WITH YOUR ANAL-RETENTIVE BEHAVIOR? 325 00:18:16,633 --> 00:18:18,100 WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYONE 326 00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:19,833 ABOUT HOW YOU KEEP YOUR LEFT SOCKS 327 00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:21,233 IN YOUR LEFT DRAWER 328 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:24,133 AND YOUR RIGHT SOCKS IN YOUR RIGHT DRAWER? 329 00:18:24,133 --> 00:18:26,600 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? 330 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:38,000 - MAYBE DR. SHEELY WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY 331 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,367 ABOUT ALL OF YOUR PENT-UP HOSTILITY. 332 00:18:40,367 --> 00:18:42,600 - MY HOSTILITY? - THAT'S RIGHT. 333 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,600 YOU OUGHT TO SEE THIS WOMAN IN TRAFFIC. 334 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:45,833 CURSES LIKE A STEVEDORE. 335 00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:48,300 - WELL, IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF THE TRAFFIC, WARREN. 336 00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:51,033 IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR INSANE WHISTLING. 337 00:18:51,033 --> 00:18:52,933 - THE WHISTLING DROWNS OUT THE PROFANITY! 338 00:18:52,933 --> 00:18:56,400 - WELL, PUCKER UP, WARREN, BECAUSE HERE IT COMES! 339 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,400 - OKAY, MOM, DAD, PLEASE JUST CALM DOWN. 340 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,300 - WHY DID YOU TELL DEBRA ABOUT THIS? 341 00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:03,233 - I DIDN'T TELL DEBRA. - THEN HOW DID SHE KNOW? 342 00:19:03,233 --> 00:19:06,467 - RAY HEARD YOU. HE WAS HIDING IN THE GARAGE. 343 00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:14,533 - I WASN'T HIDING, ALL RIGHT? 344 00:19:14,533 --> 00:19:17,200 I CHECKED THE OIL, OKAY? 345 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,533 AND IT'S A GOOD THING I DID, BECAUSE WE'RE A QUART LOW. 346 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,600 - WELL, WONDERFUL. 347 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,367 NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS. 348 00:19:25,367 --> 00:19:27,433 I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, WARREN. 349 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:31,633 - SWEET BASTARD, I'M GETTING HAPPY. [laughs] 350 00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,233 - IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, DEAR? 351 00:19:39,233 --> 00:19:42,467 - OH, HE IS JUST IMPOSSIBLE. 352 00:19:42,467 --> 00:19:44,433 - GO ON. 353 00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:47,400 - MO-MOM, ARE YOU-- - OH, IT'S-- 354 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,967 IT'S ALL RIGHT, DEAR. WE'RE TALKING. 355 00:19:49,967 --> 00:19:54,133 - I AM SO TIRED OF MY OPINION COUNTING FOR NOTHING. 356 00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:56,733 EVERYTHING HAS TO BE HIS WAY. 357 00:19:56,733 --> 00:19:58,633 I'LL SWEAR, EVER SINCE HE RETIRED, 358 00:19:58,633 --> 00:20:00,733 IT'S NOT LIKE I'M HIS WIFE ANYMORE. 359 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:02,933 I'M HIS EMPLOYEE, 360 00:20:02,933 --> 00:20:06,200 AND IT'S ALL I CAN DO TO KEEP FROM STRANGLING HIM. 361 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,733 - I FEEL SO CLOSE TO YOU. 362 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:24,333 - DO YOU KNOW HE MAKES ME IRON HIS JEANS? 363 00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:27,333 HE INSISTS THAT THEY HAVE A CREASE. 364 00:20:27,333 --> 00:20:30,100 - AT LEAST HE CAN WEAR JEANS. 365 00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:32,367 I MEAN, THE LAST TIME I GOT A PAIR FOR FRANK, 366 00:20:32,367 --> 00:20:35,433 IT WAS FROM THE MATERNITY JEANS. 367 00:20:35,433 --> 00:20:38,033 AND--AND I TOLD HIM THEY WERE JUST STRETCHY. 368 00:20:38,033 --> 00:20:41,300 - [laughs] 369 00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:50,200 - OH, MY GOD. 370 00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:00,933 - HEY, YOUR PARENTS SEEM TO BE DOING OKAY. IT'S NICE. 371 00:21:00,933 --> 00:21:02,933 - IT'S NOT NICE. 372 00:21:02,933 --> 00:21:06,400 MY FATHER JUST SAID, "HOLY CRAP." 373 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,867 - WHAT? YOU ALWAYS WANTED OUR PARENTS TO GET ALONG. 374 00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:12,100 - YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T WANT MY PARENTS TO CONVERT. 375 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,400 LOOK AT 'EM. - YOU'RE RIGHT, MARIE. 376 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,867 DEBRA COULD GET THIS RUG A LOT CLEANER. 377 00:21:18,867 --> 00:21:21,000 - [mumbling] 378 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,433 - OHH, FRANK, I GOT TO TELL YOU, 379 00:21:24,433 --> 00:21:27,267 I OVERDID IT THIS YEAR. AH. 380 00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:36,433 - YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED, PAL? 381 00:21:36,433 --> 00:21:39,433 A PAIR OF MY SPECIAL STRETCHY PANTS.