- WHERE IS ROBERT?
RAYMOND WILL BE BACK FROM THE AIRPORT
WITH STEFANIA ANY MINUTE.
AND LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
FRANK, ARE YOU HELPING?
- YEAH, I'M BRUSHING UP ON MY ITALIAN FOR STEFANIA.
[howling]
- OH-- ALL RIGHT.
- I'M STILL NOT SO SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA TO SURPRISE HIM.
DO WE EVEN KNOW IF HE'S STILL INTERESTED IN HER?
- DEBRA, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
- UH, JUST WE SHOULDN'T PUSH HIM INTO ANYTHING.
- WELL, FAR BE IT FROM ME TO PUSH.
[chuckles]
I JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW WHAT MY SON WANTS.
HE WANTS TO FINALLY HAVE SOMEONE SPECIAL.
AND HE WANTS TO SETTLE DOWN.
AND HE WANTS TO HAVE GRANDCHILDREN.
- YOU MEAN CHILDREN.
- RIGHT, CHILDREN, WHATEVER.
- I THINK YOU DID A GOOD THING BRINGING STEFANIA HERE.
- OH, THANK YOU, FRANK.
- WE SHOULD DO, LIKE, A FOREIGN EXCHANGE--
SHE COMES HERE, YOU GO THERE.
- OH, ROBBIE!
- HELLO, SON!
- WHAT'S WRONG?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DEAR?
- THE HAPPINESS-- WHAT GIVES?
- WHAT, WE CAN'T BE HAPPY TO SEE YOU?
- HISTORICALLY, NO.
- YOU FUNNY BUNNY. [laughs]
COME ON, SIT DOWN.
COME ON.
- AM I DYING?
- [laughs]
[doorbell rings]
all: OOH!
- WHY DON'T YOU GET THE DOOR, ROBBIE?
- NO.
- COME ON, IDIOT. DO IT.
- WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO GET IT?
- GET THE DOOR!
[all yelling]
- YOU'RE FORCING ME!
- COME ON. COME ON. - GO.
- TRUST ME, ROBERT. IT'S OKAY.
- COME ON.
YOU KNOW, ROBBIE--
ROBBIE, I KNOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN LONELY
AND IN NEED OF SOME COMPANY,
SO I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU.
TA-DA! - WHAT--
- WHAT TOOK SO LONG? I GOT BAGS HERE.
- THIS IS IT?
I DIDN'T LIKE THIS SURPRISE
WHEN YOU GAVE IT TO ME 40 YEARS AGO.
- HEY, HOW ABOUT "THANK YOU"?
- FOR WHAT?
- FOR THIS.
- [gasps]
- [Italian accent] ROBERTO.
- STEFANIA.
WHAT--
H-HOW DID YOU GET HERE?
- I HAD TO TAKE THE BELT PARKWAY TO CROSS ISLAND--
BUMPER TO BUMPER.
- OH, ROBBIE, ARE YOU HAPPY?
I ASKED HER TO VISIT TO CHEER YOU UP.
ME--I DID IT.
- STEFANIA.
LET ME HELP YOU.
- [laughs]
- IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- OH, AND IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU.
MA, YOU DID THIS?
- WHO ELSE?
- [laughs] HUG.
- THANK YOU FOR INVITING ME.
YOU ARE NICE AND BEAUTIFUL.
- MAN, DOES SHE NEED AN ENGLISH LESSON.
- HI, I REMEMBER YOUR HEAD.
- HEY.
HEY, SHE REMEMBERS ME.
- HI, NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
SO THIS IS YOU AFTER A TEN HOUR PLANE RIDE, HUH?
WELL, I GIVE UP.
- HELLO. - HI.
- THANK YOU FOR GETTING US.
- [chuckles sheepishly]
- DID YOU SAY "US"?
- YES.
YOU REMEMBER MY FATHER, MARCO FOGAGNOLO.
- YES, YES, OF COURSE.
- HEY, YOU SHOW ME THIS, HUH?
- OF COURSE.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
NOW, YOU WANT TO HOLD YOUR PUTTER LIKE THIS, OKAY?
AND THEN YOU SWING IT BACK--
OH. OH, BOY. OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
OKAY.
YOU--YOU TAKE THE PUTTER BACK LIKE THIS,
AND THEN YOU--
- OH, YEAH! - HEY, LOOK AT THAT!
HELL OF A SHOT THERE.
- YOU BUY ME ANOTHER HOT DOG NOW.
- WELL, YOU KNOW,
THERE'S MORE TO AMERICA THAN JUST HOT DOGS.
- I LIKE HOT DOGS.
- OKAY, WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT--
I'LL BUY YOU ANOTHER HOT DOG LATER,
IF YOU'RE GOOD. - OKAY.
YOU HIT NOW. - ALL RIGHT.
HEY, THERE! HEY!
[chuckles]
OH! HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
- WHAT? I DO NOTHING.
- OH, I THINK YOU DID, YOU NAUGHTY MONKEY.
[chuckles]
OH, COME ON!
- HEY, YOU'RE A GOOD GOLF PLAYER.
- WELL, I'M TRYING TO BE.
ALL RIGHT. LISTEN, ABOUT--
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. COME HERE.
LISTEN, LISTEN, LOOK, I KNOW--
I-I KNOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO HAVE FUN, OKAY,
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.
SEE, WHEN RAYMOND AND I WERE KIDS,
HE USED TO POKE ME QUITE A BIT, ALL RIGHT?
POKE, POKE, POKE, POKE.
HE WAS, HOW YOU SAY, UH, A JERK, OKAY?
SO THAT'S WHY NOW I'M SORT OF ANTI-POKE, OKAY?
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, BUT, LISTEN,
IF I HAD TO CHOOSE SOMEONE TO POKE ME,
IT WOULD BE YOU.
BUT DON'T POKE ME.
OKAY? ALL RIGHT, HERE, YOU GO FIRST.
- OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT, VERY GOOD. TRY AGAIN.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT. - [speaking Italian]
- ALL RIGHT. TAKE YOUR TIME.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, WELL, THAT--
THAT'S, UH--
THAT'S A--THAT'S AN INTERESTING TECHNIQUE.
ALL RIGHT.
VERY NICE!
OKAY.
OKAY. OVER THERE. THANK YOU.
OKAY.
[ball rattles] - HEY, BRAVO, 'BERTO!
VERY GOOD. - THANK YOU.
THANK YOU--AAH!
- [laughs]
- ALL RIGHTY, LET'S DO THE SCORE NOW.
SHALL WE?
- OOH, I LIKE.
- SO YOU TWO HAVING A GOOD TIME?
- YEAH, A BLAST. THINGS ARE FANTASTIC.
- DID, UH, YOU TWO DO THE, UH--
- THE WHAT?
- THE HUCKLE-BUCKLE?
- WHY DON'T YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, OKAY?
- OH, COME ON, I'M MARRIED, MAN.
I DON'T EVEN HUCKLE.
- HERE YOU GO. - HEY, SUZY, I GOT THAT.
- REALLY?
HEY, NEMO, FRANK'S PICKING UP A TAB.
- DON'T TAKE A CHECK FROM HIM.
- HEY, DON'T EMBARRASS ME IN FRONT
OF MY INTERNATIONAL GUESTS, ALL RIGHT?
I'M BUYING.
HEY, YOU TWO, WE'RE SPLITTING THIS.
- SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
- GRAZIE.
I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING.
I COME TO AMERICA TO TAKE CARE FOR STEFANIA,
BUT I ALSO DREAM ALWAYS TO COME TO THIS COUNTRY,
AND IT IS LIKE A DREAM.
I LIKE THE PEOPLE.
I LIKE THE LIFE HERE VERY MUCH--
WITH THE LARGE DRINKS AND SO MUCH ICE.
AND I HAVE TO SAY,
I DID NOT LIKE SO MUCH THIS ONE.
BUT NOW I DO.
AND I KNOW STEFANIA DO.
SO WHAT I TELL YOU NOW IS,
WE STAY.
- WHAT? WH-WHERE?
- HERE-- LYNBROOK, AMERICA.
[cheering]
- THAT'S COOL.
- IT'S GREAT SURPRISE, NO?
- UH, YEAH, YEAH!
YEAH, GREAT SURPRISE.
BUT YOU JUST CAN'T LIVE HERE.
I MEAN, WHAT WILL YOU DO, SIR?
- WHO KNOWS?
I LIKE THIS PLACE. MAYBE I BUY.
- OH, NEMO WOULD NEVER SELL.
- I THINK MAYBE HE DO.
I WANT TO THANK YOU
FOR TAKING CARE OF MY DAUGHTER.
- [hoarsely] DON'T MENTION IT.
- HEY, EVERYBODY.
- HI, ROBBIE. COOKIE?
- WHAT'S THE POINT?
- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
- I DON'T THINK IT'S GOING TO WORK OUT WITH STEFANIA.
- [gasps] - OH, GIVE ME A BREAK.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
IN ITALY, THE TWO OF YOU COULDN'T
GET ENOUGH OF EACH OTHER.
- I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT THE SAME.
- HEY, LOOK AT HER, LOOK AT YOU.
GRAB ON AND DON'T LET GO.
- OF COURSE IT'S NOT THE SAME.
I KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.
- NO, YOU DON'T. - YEAH, I DO.
YOU GUYS WERE GOING TOO FAST OVER THERE.
RIGHT AWAY-- BOOM, "WE'RE IN LOVE."
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU KNOW--HERE.
LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING. WHAT DO YOU GOT HERE, MA?
- OH, THERE'S SOME CREAM OF WHEAT FOR THE BOYS.
YOU WANT SOME? I'LL MAKE SOME MORE.
- RELAX. OKAY, SEE THIS?
THIS CREAM OF WHEAT-- THAT'S YOU AND STEFANIA.
- WHAT? - JUST STAY WITH ME.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, HERE'S YOU GUYS IN ITALY.
SEE? ALL HOT AND HEAVY.
- OH, NO, THAT'S TOO MUCH. - THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN'T KEEP IT LIKE THAT, RIGHT?
- NO, TURN IT DOWN.
- WELL, WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ROBERT AND STEFANIA
IF I KEEP IT LIKE THAT?
- THEY'RE GOING TO GET ALL DRIED OUT AND CRUSTY.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
RIGHT, ROBERT, YOU WANT IT TO LAST,
YOU GOT TO COOL THINGS DOWN A LITTLE.
SEE? LIKE THIS.
- THANK GOD.
- THAT'S HOW IT IS FOR ME AND DEBRA, RIGHT?
JUST A LITTLE LOW FLAME.
OUR CREAM OF WHEAT CAN JUST SIT ON THAT FOR YEARS.
- HANDS OFF, GIRLS, HE'S MINE.
- I'M GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY MARRIAGE NOW,
BUT I'LL NEED THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL.
- YOU KNOW, ROBERT,
I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF YOU'RE HAVING THESE FEELINGS
BECAUSE, DEEP DOWN INSIDE, YOU STILL CARE FOR AMY.
- NO, NO, IT'S NOT AMY, AND IT'S NOT CREAM OF WHEAT.
THE--THE TRUTH IS,
STEFANIA'S ANNOYING. - WHAT?
- IF BY "ANNOYING," YOU MEAN HA-CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA,
THEN I'M RIGHT WITH YOU.
- NO, SHE--SHE'S ALWAYS TOUCHING ME.
- OH, THAT'S GOT TO BE ROUGH.
- WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU NOT WANT HER TO TOUCH YOU?
- SHE POKED ME IN THE ASS WITH A PUTTER!
- SHE COULD HIT ME IN THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER,
I WOULDN'T CARE.
- IT'S JUST THAT SHE'S ALWAYS POKING ME,
AND I HATE BEING POKED.
- OH, YEAH.
- HEY, CUT IT OUT, OKAY?
I TOLD HER I DIDN'T LIKE IT,
BUT SHE WOULDN'T STOP.
- ROBBIE, I THINK THAT'S LIKE FLIRTING.
- YEAH, REALLY, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE NITPICKING, MAN.
- LOOK, I KNOW STEFANIA IS BEAUTIFUL, OKAY,
BUT, YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN OUT A FEW TIMES NOW,
AND THE MORE TIME I SPEND WITH HER,
I REALIZE THAT-- THERE'S NOTHING THERE.
- ROBBIE,
ARE YOU VERY SURE YOU'RE NOT HOMOSEXUAL?
- MA!
- I-I'M JUST ASKING.
- RAYMOND!
- IT'S STILL FUNNY. STILL FUNNY.
- YOU--YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF STEFANIA WAS STAYING FOR, LIKE, A WEEK,
I COULD PUT UP WITH IT.
BUT NOW THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT STAYING HERE FOR GOOD.
SO, WHAT, AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF HER FOREVER, HUH?
I GOT TO MARRY HER NOW?
- THERE ARE WORSE THINGS, DEAR.
- PLUS, I GOT HER FATHER, SIGNORE "SCARY-OLA,"
WATCHING ME WITH THOSE EYES.
I MEAN, IT'S TOO MUCH. I CAN'T TAKE IT.
- ROBERT, LOOK, YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY UNHAPPY.
YOU GOT TO TALK TO HER.
- AND SAY WHAT?
- I DON'T KNOW; TELL HER THAT, YOU KNOW,
YOU JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
- THAT BROAD AIN'T BUILT FOR FRIENDSHIP.
- LOOK, YOU SHOULDN'T BE PRESSURED
INTO BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP.
- NO ONE HERE MEANS TO PRESSURE HIM,
BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING, ROBBIE?
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
AND--AND I READ, YOU KNOW,
THAT AS MEN GET OLDER, THEIR SPERM PRODUCTION--
- OKAY!
- MA, MA, MA, MA!
- BACK IT UP.
- PLEASE. IT'S SCIENCE.
- YOU'RE REALLY THINKING OF BREAKING UP WITH HER?
- THAT IS THE ONLY DECENT THING TO DO.
THIS IS ABOUT MORALITY.
YOU DON'T STRING SOMEONE ALONG.
- YEAH, BUT STEFANIA-- SHE'S SO--
- SHE'S SO WHAT, RAY?
- JUST DO WHAT SHE SAYS.
- I LIKE YOUR HOUSE.
- IT'S AN APARTMENT, REALLY.
- I DON'T LIKE THIS.
- OKAY, UM,
LISTEN, WE NEED TO TALK, OKAY?
- OKAY.
- [voice cracking] OKAY.
I, UH, THINK THAT IT'S VERY EXCITING
THAT YOU AND YOUR DAD ARE TALKING ABOUT MOVING HERE.
- OH, POLIZIA.
- ATTENTION SPAN OF A MOTH.
UH, LISTEN, LOOK,
I JUST HAD THIS DRY-CLEANED.
- YOU PUT ON FOR ME, HUH?
- NO, NO, THIS IS FOR WORK, OKAY?
LET'S PUT THIS BACK. YOU COME OVER HERE.
- TO THE UGLY SOFA.
- YEAH.
- I'M HUNGRY. DO YOU HAVE FOOD FOR ME?
- MORE?
JUST A SECOND.
- MAYBE YOU HAVE HOT DOGS?
- ONE SECOND.
IT'S LIKE DROPPING WOOD INTO A CHIPPER.
HERE, I HAVE CAPTAIN SALTY PRETZEL NUGGETS.
- I LIKE HOT DOGS.
- PRETZEL NUGGETS!
OH.
- WHAT'S WRONG, 'BERTO?
- NOTHING. IT'S JUST--
THERE'S YOUR TUMMY.
- WELL, YOU DO NOT PUT IT ON, SO...
- WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT IS POLICE PROPERTY.
YOU NEED TO TAKE THAT OFF.
- OKAY.
- WAIT, WAIT, HALT! NO, WAIT.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, LOOK. KEEP IT ON.
HERE. SIT DOWN HERE.
HAVE SOME PRETZELS, OKAY?
- NO, THANK YOU.
I WASN'T REALLY HUNGRY FOR PRETZELS.
- NO.
STEFANIA, YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
AND A LOVELY PERSON
AND A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
AND I THINK THAT IT'S VERY NICE
THAT--THAT YOU WANT TO MAKE A LIFE FOR YOURSELF
HERE IN THIS COUNTRY.
LET ME FINISH.
O-OKAY, HERE'S THE THING--
YOU KNOW, IT'S BEEN SAID THAT
LOVE IS LIKE CREAM OF WHEAT.
- UM, MAYBE NO MORE TALKING.
- UH, WHOA, WHOA, YOU WANT TO--
OH, BOY.
HARD TO ARGUE.
NO, NO. NO, STEFANIA.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NO"?
- NO MEANS NO. SAME IN ITALIAN--
NO MEANS-- [with accent] NO!
- COME, 'BERTO, WE HAVE WAITED SO LONG.
IT WILL BE NICE.
- I'M NOT SAYING IT WOULDN'T BE NICE--AND SOFT.
BUT--BUT IT WOULD BE WRONG.
BECAUSE, STEFANIA, WE SHOULDN'T BE TOGETHER.
- IT'S OKAY. MY FATHER WILL NOT KNOW.
- [sobbing]
NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, LOOK, YOU MISUNDERSTAND, ALL RIGHT?
I SHOULDN'T LEAD YOU ON.
IT'S MORALLY WRONG, I THINK.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- WE SHOULD BREAK UP.
YOU, ME, NO MORE.
- OH.
- LISTEN, STEFANIA,
I'LL ALWAYS CHERISH THE MOMENTS WE HAD TOGETHER,
BUT I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU TO MOVE HERE
FOR THE WRONG REASONS.
HEY, COME ON--
- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT WAS HER IDEA.
SEE, SHE'S CRAZY.
- NO, NO, NO, NO. NO "PINOCCHIO" THIS TIME.
YOU SEE, SHE WANTED ME TO MARRY YOU,
BUT I SAID I COULDN'T BECAUSE YOU'RE ANNOYING.
- ANNOYING?
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN-- "ANNOYING"?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- LIAR! I AM SICK TO LOOK TO YOU.
- BUT, LISTEN, WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS.
YOU SEE, IN AMERICA,
YOU DON'T BREAK UP-- YOU STAY FRIENDS.
THAT'S WHAT YOU DO.
- NOT IN ITALY.
- ANNOYING.
LISTEN, I-I DID THE RIGHT THING.
MORALLY, I DID THE RIGHT THING.
THERE BETTER BE A HEAVEN.
- HEY, NEMO, I'LL TAKE A SLICE.
SIGNORE FOGAGNOLO.
HI.
WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- I TOLD YOU,
WE STAY IN AMERICA.
- OH, SO YOU WORK HERE NOW?
- I OWN HERE NOW.
- YOU OWN?
WELL--WHAT HAPPENED TO NEMO?
- HE GO AWAY.
- WHAT? WHERE?
- AWAY.
- [clears throat] UH, LISTEN,
UH, SIGNORE FOGAGNOLO,
ABOUT STEFANIA...
I AM A HOMOSEXUAL.