1 00:00:01,367 --> 00:00:06,033 - "SO THE LION GOT SOME CREAM FOR HIS CHICKEN POX." 2 00:00:07,233 --> 00:00:08,867 - HOW MANY MORE BEFORE MICHAEL? 3 00:00:08,867 --> 00:00:10,200 - SHH! 4 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,033 - 40 MINUTES ALREADY. - QUIET. 5 00:00:12,033 --> 00:00:14,933 - "AND HIS MOMMY PUT THE CREAM ON, 6 00:00:14,933 --> 00:00:16,800 AND HE FELT BETTER." 7 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,167 THE END. 8 00:00:18,167 --> 00:00:20,767 - THANK YOU, GRACIE. 9 00:00:20,767 --> 00:00:24,100 THAT WAS A WONDERFUL AND VERY IMAGINATIVE STORY. 10 00:00:24,100 --> 00:00:25,600 AND NOW WE HAVE IAN. 11 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,333 - OH, CRAP. 12 00:00:30,267 --> 00:00:32,800 - "ESCAPE FROM THE BLUE PLANET." 13 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,300 - FINALLY, SCIENCE FICTION. 14 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:38,567 - "THE ROCKET SHIP LANDED ON THE BLUE PLANET 15 00:00:38,567 --> 00:00:41,300 THAT WAS FILLED WITH WATER." 16 00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:42,733 - YOU DON'T THINK THIS IS NICE? 17 00:00:42,733 --> 00:00:44,767 YOU KNOW, THEY WROTE THESE ALL BY THEMSELVES. 18 00:00:44,767 --> 00:00:48,033 - NO KIDDING. 19 00:00:48,033 --> 00:00:49,633 - "AND THE ROCKET GOT STUCK, 20 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:52,233 BUT THE PILOT HAD SOME EXTRA GAS." 21 00:00:52,233 --> 00:00:54,033 - HE'S NOT THE ONLY ONE. 22 00:00:56,067 --> 00:00:58,800 - "SO THAT IS HOW THEY WERE ABLE TO ESCAPE 23 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:00,567 FROM THE BLUE PLANET." 24 00:01:00,567 --> 00:01:02,633 THE END. 25 00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:07,000 - WONDERFUL, IAN, AND VERY EXCITING. 26 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,567 MICHAEL, IT'S YOUR TURN. 27 00:01:08,567 --> 00:01:10,100 - THANK GOD. 28 00:01:10,100 --> 00:01:12,100 WE GO AFTER THIS. 29 00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:18,200 - "THE ANGRY FAMILY." 30 00:01:32,033 --> 00:01:35,400 "THE DADDY WAS MAD AT THE MOMMY." 31 00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:44,600 "THE MOMMY WAS MAD AT THE DADDY." 32 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,533 - [laughing] 33 00:01:48,967 --> 00:01:53,467 - "THE MOMMY AND DADDY WERE VERY MAD AT THE GRANDPA. 34 00:01:58,667 --> 00:02:02,000 THE GRANDMA GOT MAD AT EVERYBODY." 35 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,267 - I DID NOT. 36 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,067 IT'S WONDERFUL. 37 00:02:08,533 --> 00:02:12,433 - "THE GROWNUPS WERE ALWAYS VERY LOUD. 38 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:16,067 IT HURT THE KIDS' EARS." 39 00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:17,433 THE END. 40 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,200 LET'S WATCH TV! - YEAH! 41 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,800 - YAY! - LET'S WATCH TV! 42 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,700 - WHOO! 43 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,867 - WELL, I CAN'T GO THERE ANYMORE. 44 00:02:58,867 --> 00:03:00,567 THE LOOKS I WAS GETTING-- 45 00:03:00,567 --> 00:03:03,233 I'VE NEVER GOTTEN LOOKS LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE. 46 00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:05,533 - YOU OUGHT TO WATCH ME MORE. 47 00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:13,100 - HOW COULD YOU LET MICHAEL WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 48 00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:14,767 - WE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS. 49 00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:17,167 EILEEN LET THE KIDS WRITE WHATEVER THEY WANTED. 50 00:03:17,167 --> 00:03:20,533 - WHO'S EILEEN? - THE TEACHER. 51 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,000 LOOK, I'M NOT THRILLED ABOUT THIS EITHER, BUT, YOU KNOW, 52 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,667 KIDS SHOULD BE ABLE TO EXPRESS WHAT THEY'RE FEELING. 53 00:03:25,667 --> 00:03:28,767 - WHAT A LOAD OF BULL. 54 00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:31,467 HERE'S A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF YOUR LIBERAL, 55 00:03:31,467 --> 00:03:35,033 "FREE TO BE A BIRD OR BEE" COLLEGE CLAPTRAP 56 00:03:35,033 --> 00:03:38,100 COMIN' HOME TO BITE YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IN THE ASS. 57 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,900 - OH? 58 00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:46,567 THE WHOLE FAMILY? 59 00:03:46,567 --> 00:03:49,300 THE WHOLE FAMILY? WHAT AM I? 60 00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:51,367 I WASN'T EVEN MENTIONED IN THAT BOOK. 61 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,133 - WHAT, YOU'RE INSULTED 'CAUSE YOU WEREN'T INSULTED? 62 00:03:56,133 --> 00:03:58,867 - I'M INSULTED THAT YOU HAVE BRAINWASHED YOUR CHILDREN 63 00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:01,033 INTO THINKING THE ONLY THING I'M GOOD FOR 64 00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:03,633 IS TO HOLD UP A PIÑATA. 65 00:04:03,633 --> 00:04:05,400 - AND I DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT. - WHAT? 66 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,767 - THE KID'S ILLUSTRATIONS. 67 00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:08,733 PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK I LOOK LIKE THAT. 68 00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:10,400 - OKAY, EVERYONE, 69 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,733 COULD WE ALL PLEASE JUST GO HOME? 70 00:04:12,733 --> 00:04:14,733 - DEBRA'S RIGHT. WE GOT TO TALK TO MICHAEL. 71 00:04:14,733 --> 00:04:17,100 - YOU GONNA PUNISH HIM? I WANT INPUT. 72 00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,333 - ALL RIGHT, COME ON, COME ON. 73 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:20,633 - NOBODY'S PUNISHING ANYONE. 74 00:04:20,633 --> 00:04:21,967 - OF COURSE NOT. 75 00:04:21,967 --> 00:04:23,867 GOD FORBID SOMEONE'S FEELINGS SHOULD GET HURT. 76 00:04:23,867 --> 00:04:25,967 - WELL, MY FEELINGS ARE HURT. - MINE TOO! 77 00:04:25,967 --> 00:04:27,433 NOBODY CARES! 78 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,567 - I'M WRITING MY OWN BOOK. - GET OUT. 79 00:04:32,267 --> 00:04:34,167 - THAT'S THE TITLE. 80 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:41,767 - MICHAEL. - HEY, WHOA. 81 00:04:41,767 --> 00:04:43,533 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? - I WANT TO TALK TO HIM. 82 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,233 MICHAEL, COULD YOU COME IN HERE, PLEASE? 83 00:04:45,233 --> 00:04:46,900 - BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU SAY. - DON'T WORRY. 84 00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,100 - HE WRITES IT DOWN. 85 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:54,833 - SWEETIE, I JUST WANT TO ASK YOU SOMETHING. 86 00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:59,700 DO YOU THINK THAT YOUR FAMILY IS "THE ANGRY FAMILY"? 87 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,367 IT'S OKAY, HONEY, YOU CAN TELL US. 88 00:05:03,833 --> 00:05:05,033 RAY, YOU WANT TO -- - NOPE. 89 00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:07,233 - [sighs] 90 00:05:07,233 --> 00:05:10,867 - I LOVED YOUR STORY, MICHAEL. 91 00:05:10,867 --> 00:05:12,700 SAID DADDY. 92 00:05:16,267 --> 00:05:19,467 - GO ON, WATCH TV. 93 00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:22,200 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? - WHAT? 94 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,800 HEY, IF YOU WERE ON TOP OF STUFF, 95 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,200 YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED THE STORY FROM LEAKIN' OUT. 96 00:05:27,433 --> 00:05:30,567 - I AM ON TOP OF STUFF! WHAT DO YOU DO, HUH? 97 00:05:30,567 --> 00:05:33,500 LOOK, THOSE STORIES WERE SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE 98 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,533 FOR THE PARENTS. 99 00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:36,333 - A SURPRISE FOR THE PARENTS? 100 00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:37,800 I THINK A SURPRISE IS, 101 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,733 YOU GET TO THE SCHOOL AND THERE'S AN OPEN BAR. 102 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,767 NO, THIS WAS LIKE AN AMBUSH. 103 00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:51,100 - AND YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE 104 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,600 WHAT THE REAL PROBLEM IS HERE, CAN YOU? 105 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,833 THERE'S AN IMAGE THAT MICHAEL HAS OF US. 106 00:05:54,833 --> 00:05:58,100 - COME ON, WE'RE NORMAL. 107 00:05:58,100 --> 00:06:01,200 COMPARATIVELY NORMAL. 108 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,533 WATCH THE NEWS. 109 00:06:02,533 --> 00:06:03,800 - PLEASE. 110 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,133 - ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY, 111 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,933 THERE ARE TIMES WHEN YOU SEEM TO YELL 112 00:06:08,933 --> 00:06:11,800 FOR NO REASON, YOU KNOW? 113 00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:16,333 MAYBE...MAYBE THAT'S WHAT HE'S PICKIN' UP ON. 114 00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:19,167 - I'M PRETTY SURE THAT MOST OF THE LEADING CHARACTERS 115 00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:22,200 IN THAT STORY WERE FROM THE BARONE SIDE. 116 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:26,167 - YEAH, OKAY, BUT THE LOUD PART, I'M THINKIN', IS PROBABLY YOU. 117 00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:28,167 - SO YOU'RE BLAMING ME? 118 00:06:28,167 --> 00:06:30,000 YOU'RE COMPLETELY FREE AND CLEAR? 119 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,567 - I'M SORRY, BUT I AM NOT THE YELLER. 120 00:06:31,567 --> 00:06:33,300 - YOU ARE THE REASON FOR THE YELLER! 121 00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:34,933 - WELL, YOU ASSUME THAT THERE MUST BE YELLING! 122 00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:36,867 - YEAH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT THERE'S YELL-- 123 00:06:36,867 --> 00:06:39,133 - HEY, HEY, HEY! - HEY! 124 00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:40,200 WHAT, HONEY? 125 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,400 - CAN I HAVE A JUICE? 126 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,667 - SURE, SWEETIE. - YEAH, SURE. 127 00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:44,167 YEAH, WE CAN DO THAT, RIGHT, MOMMY? 128 00:06:44,167 --> 00:06:46,633 - OH, THANK YOU, DADDY. 129 00:06:46,633 --> 00:06:48,267 THANK YOU. 130 00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,400 WE HAVE PROBLEMS. 131 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:05,733 - IT'S ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT? 132 00:07:05,733 --> 00:07:06,967 - NO, IT IS NOT ALL RIGHT. 133 00:07:06,967 --> 00:07:08,267 THIS ARGUMENT JUST NOW 134 00:07:08,267 --> 00:07:09,800 IS EXACTLY WHAT MICHAEL WAS REFERRING TO. 135 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,833 - WELL, YOU DON'T GOT TO WORRY ABOUT THIS ONE, 136 00:07:11,833 --> 00:07:13,000 BECAUSE THAT WAS GEOFFREY. 137 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,467 [telephone rings] 138 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,067 PHONE. 139 00:07:17,767 --> 00:07:19,133 HELLO? 140 00:07:19,133 --> 00:07:21,367 OH, HI, EILEEN. 141 00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:25,267 YEAH, HI. 142 00:07:25,267 --> 00:07:26,733 [clears throat] HOW ARE YA? 143 00:07:26,733 --> 00:07:29,067 YEAH, OH, NO, THAT WAS A GREAT OPEN HOUSE. 144 00:07:29,067 --> 00:07:32,033 YEAH. DYNAMITE. 145 00:07:32,033 --> 00:07:33,100 WHAT CONFERENCE? 146 00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:34,500 - [gasps] 147 00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:37,600 - OH, OH, THAT'S THIS WEEK TOO. 148 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,633 YEAH, RIGHT, WITH THE PARENTS. UH-HUH. 149 00:07:39,633 --> 00:07:41,533 YEAH, I GUESS WE MUST'VE FORGOT ABOUT IT. 150 00:07:41,533 --> 00:07:44,433 YEAH, IT WASN'T LIKE WE WERE TRYING TO RUN OUT OR ANYTHING, 151 00:07:44,433 --> 00:07:47,667 YEAH, YEAH, NO, 'CAUSE, UH, WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU. 152 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:48,633 WE LOVE YOU. 153 00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,133 ALL RIGHT, OKAY. 154 00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:54,767 YEAH, SURE, WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. 155 00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:57,367 OKAY, BYE-BYE. 156 00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:58,200 [sighs] 157 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,000 - [sighs] 158 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,933 - LISTEN, ABOUT TOMORROW, YOU KNOW. 159 00:08:01,933 --> 00:08:04,567 I GOT A PRETTY BIG DAY, SO-- - YOU DON'T WANT TO FINISH THAT. 160 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:05,867 - ALL RIGHT, OKAY. 161 00:08:05,867 --> 00:08:09,200 - AND DID YOU HAVE TO SOUND SO GUILTY ON THE PHONE? 162 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,533 - HOW ABOUT YOU? YOU RAN AWAY LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. 163 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:24,367 - OKAY. SO HOW ARE YOU? 164 00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:27,467 - TERRIFIC. [giggles] 165 00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:31,000 SO...THAT WAS SO, SO FUNNY YESTERDAY. 166 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,267 [giggles] 167 00:08:32,267 --> 00:08:34,567 - WHAT WAS? - MICHAEL'S BOOK. 168 00:08:34,567 --> 00:08:35,600 "ANGRY FAMILY." 169 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,000 [giggles] 170 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,933 I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE... ANYWAY. 171 00:08:40,933 --> 00:08:42,267 UM, IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE. 172 00:08:42,267 --> 00:08:44,067 HAPPY TO DISCUSS EVERYTHING. 173 00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,600 - I WAS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH WHAT MICHAEL 174 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,167 WROTE ABOUT IN HIS BOOK, WEREN'T YOU? 175 00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:49,500 - ME? UH, DEFINITELY. 176 00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,267 OH, DEFINITELY. 177 00:08:51,267 --> 00:08:56,500 UM, BUT I DO THINK THAT HIS BOOK WAS JUST A STORY. 178 00:08:56,500 --> 00:09:00,000 AND, YES, OBVIOUSLY ALL STORIES DO COME FROM SOMEWHERE. 179 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,433 - WELL, NOT ALL OF 'EM. 180 00:09:01,433 --> 00:09:02,533 - HMM? 181 00:09:02,533 --> 00:09:04,533 - I WAS JUST THINKING SOMETHING-- 182 00:09:04,533 --> 00:09:07,667 I WAS JUST THINKING SOME STORIES COME FROM... 183 00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:10,700 LIKE THOSE SHOWS YOU GO TO WHERE THEY SAY, 184 00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,100 "GIVE US A LOCATION," 185 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,833 AND THEN THE AUDIENCE GOES, "AN ELEVATOR!" 186 00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:16,467 YOU KNOW, AND THEN THEY SAY, 187 00:09:16,467 --> 00:09:18,233 "WHAT LANGUAGE SHOULD WE DO" OR SOMETHING. 188 00:09:18,233 --> 00:09:19,800 AND YOU GO, "FRENCH!" 189 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:20,967 YOU KNOW, AND THEN THEY DO 190 00:09:20,967 --> 00:09:22,800 A HILARIOUS THING RIGHT THERE. 191 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,067 YOU KNOW? "SECOND FLOOR. CROISSANTS." 192 00:09:25,067 --> 00:09:27,500 YOU KNOW? YEAH. 193 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:31,767 THEY JUST MAKE THAT STUFF UP RIGHT THERE ON THE SPOT. 194 00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:41,100 SO THAT WOULD BE ONE EXAMPLE WHERE SOME STORIES DO COME FROM. 195 00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:44,133 - IS THAT WHAT MICHAEL DID? 196 00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:46,167 - PROBABLY NOT. 197 00:09:49,033 --> 00:09:51,367 - PLEASE STOP. 198 00:09:51,367 --> 00:09:52,867 - I'M JUST-- I'M TALKING TO EILEEN. 199 00:09:52,867 --> 00:09:55,000 - EILEEN, UM, 200 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,933 DID MICHAEL SAY ANYTHING TO YOU? 201 00:09:56,933 --> 00:09:59,967 I MEAN, DID HE SAY ANYTHING SPECIFIC ABOUT HOME? 202 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,533 - AND REMEMBER, CHILDREN LIE. 203 00:10:02,533 --> 00:10:05,667 - RAY, WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE. 204 00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:07,300 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S SO AFRAID OF, 205 00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:09,933 I MEAN, 'CAUSE WE'RE A NORMAL FAMILY, 206 00:10:09,933 --> 00:10:11,800 COMPARATIVELY. 207 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,333 I MEAN, WATCH THE NEWS. 208 00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:15,100 [laughs nervously] 209 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,333 - THAT WAS MINE, THE NORMAL THING. 210 00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:22,300 SHE STOLE THAT FROM ME. 211 00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:24,100 - IT IS NOT YOUR THING. 212 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:26,567 WE ARE NORMAL. 213 00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:29,100 - YOU KNOW, WE DO HAVE COUNSELORS. 214 00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:30,933 FATHER HUBLEY IS VERY GOOD. 215 00:10:30,933 --> 00:10:32,933 - NO, NO, THAT'S THE LAST THING THAT WE NEED. 216 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:34,533 - WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? 217 00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,633 - BECAUSE THEN EVERYBODY'S TALKIN' ABOUT IT-- 218 00:10:36,633 --> 00:10:38,100 - WHAT ARE YOU-- 219 00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,600 WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO CLOSED-MINDED? 220 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,167 YOU SEE, THIS IS THE ATTITUDE. 221 00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:42,533 - I'M NOT CLOSED-MINDED. 222 00:10:42,533 --> 00:10:44,700 - [scoffs] WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW? 223 00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:45,867 THIS IS WHO YOU ARE. 224 00:10:45,867 --> 00:10:48,367 WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TALK ABOUT THINGS, HUH? 225 00:10:48,367 --> 00:10:49,533 TALK! 226 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:55,333 -YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO SAY 227 00:10:55,333 --> 00:10:57,500 THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY EXHIBITING SOME OF THE VERY TRAITS 228 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,600 THAT SEEM TO JUMP OFF THE PAGE IN MICHAEL'S BOOK. 229 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,800 - WHO? - OH... 230 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,333 [stammers] YOU. 231 00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:07,967 - WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. 232 00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:10,800 FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NOT A BOOK. 233 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,400 IT'S PIECES OF CONSTRUCTION PAPER. 234 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,100 - YOU SOUND A BIT CLOSED-MINDED. - HEY. 235 00:11:19,467 --> 00:11:20,600 EILEEN... 236 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:27,067 YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH. 237 00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:30,033 WHEN I GOT MARRIED, I DIDN'T JUST GET A HUSBAND. 238 00:11:30,033 --> 00:11:31,433 I GOT A WHOLE FREAK SHOW 239 00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:34,733 THAT SET UP THEIR TENT RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET. 240 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,933 AND THAT WOULD BE FINE, 241 00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,300 IF THEY STAYED THERE. 242 00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:44,900 BUT EVERY DAY, EVERY DAY, 243 00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:48,667 THEY DUMP A TRUCKLOAD OF THEIR INSANE FAMILY DRECK 244 00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:49,733 INTO MY LAP. 245 00:11:49,733 --> 00:11:51,367 HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT THROUGH 246 00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:52,667 TWO PEOPLE IN THEIR 60s 247 00:11:52,667 --> 00:11:55,100 FIGHTING OVER WHO INVENTED THE LAWN? 248 00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:56,967 THE LAWN! 249 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,333 AND THEN THE BROTHER: 250 00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:00,067 [mimicking Robert] "I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT. 251 00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,667 "I DON'T EVEN HAVE A LAWN. 252 00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,400 RAYMOND HAS A LAWN." 253 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:05,600 BUT YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM WHEN YOU SEE WHO THE MOTHER IS. 254 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,900 SHE HAS THIS KIND OF SICK HOLD ON THE BOTH OF THEM. 255 00:12:08,900 --> 00:12:11,033 AND THE FATHER'S ABOUT AS DISGUSTING A CREATURE 256 00:12:11,033 --> 00:12:13,500 AS GOD HAS EVER DROPPED ON THIS PLANET. 257 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,433 SO NO WONDER THE KID WRITES STORIES! 258 00:12:15,433 --> 00:12:16,967 I SHOULD BE WRITING STORIES. 259 00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:18,333 MY LIFE IS A GOTHIC NOVEL, 260 00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:19,900 AND UNTIL YOU HAVE LIVED IN THAT HOUSE 261 00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:22,467 WITH ALL OF THEM IN THERE WITH YOU DAY AFTER DAY, 262 00:12:22,467 --> 00:12:25,167 WEEK AFTER WEEK, YEAR AFTER FRIGGIN' YEAR, 263 00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:28,267 YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO JUDGE ME! 264 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:49,533 - WHERE ARE YOU IN HERE, ROBERT? 265 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,367 - EXACTLY. 266 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:57,433 - I'LL TELL YOU WHAT CONCERNS ME. 267 00:12:57,433 --> 00:13:00,767 I WANT TO KNOW WHY I WAS DRAWN COMPLETELY WITHOUT HAIR. 268 00:13:00,767 --> 00:13:03,333 THAT IS AN EXAGGERATION WHICH I DO NOT APPRECIATE. 269 00:13:03,333 --> 00:13:05,300 - ALL RIGHT, NOW, 270 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,133 ALL RIGHT, THERE'S NO NEED FOR TENSION. 271 00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:08,600 WE ALL HAVE ENOUGH TENSION. 272 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:14,333 BELIEVE ME, THIS JOB POUNDS THE LIFE OUT OF YOU. 273 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,767 EILEEN, MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO START WITH-- 274 00:13:16,767 --> 00:13:17,800 - NO, THANK YOU. 275 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,200 - WHAT? 276 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:23,767 - LISTEN, EILEEN, AGAIN, 277 00:13:23,767 --> 00:13:26,100 I AM SO SORRY ABOUT GETTING A LITTLE TESTY 278 00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,200 WITH YOU YESTERDAY. 279 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,267 THAT'S REALLY NOT LIKE ME. 280 00:13:28,267 --> 00:13:31,567 - YEAH, YEAH, FINE, FINE. 281 00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:32,867 ADAM. 282 00:13:32,867 --> 00:13:34,733 ADAM IS THE SCHOOL'S COUNSELOR, 283 00:13:34,733 --> 00:13:37,033 AND WE THOUGHT WE'D LIKE TO HAVE THIS LITTLE TALK TODAY 284 00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,600 TO SEE IF MAYBE WE CAN HELP YOU PEOPLE. 285 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:40,767 OKAY? 286 00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,333 GO ON, ADAM. 287 00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:47,500 - SURE. 288 00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,200 HI, EVERYONE. 289 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,700 I'M ADAM BURKE, AND I AM THE SCHOOL'S COUNSELOR, 290 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,900 BUT I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF MORE AS A FACILITATOR. 291 00:13:54,900 --> 00:13:58,300 - OH, JEEZ. 292 00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:01,600 - SO HERE'S A QUESTION. 293 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,600 DO ANY OF YOU EVER FEEL THAT THE ANGER 294 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,633 GETS OUT OF CONTROL? 295 00:14:06,633 --> 00:14:08,000 - NO WAY. - NO, I REALLY DON'T. 296 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,167 - YES. - WHAT? 297 00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:12,467 - YES, I DO FEEL THAT THE ANGER 298 00:14:12,467 --> 00:14:14,367 SOMETIMES GETS OUT OF CONTROL. 299 00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:18,433 I FEEL IT WHENEVER I COME INTO THE HOUSE. 300 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,400 - THERE IS A SOLUTION. 301 00:14:25,767 --> 00:14:27,100 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 302 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,967 I AM THERE IN A LOVING, NURTURING CAPACITY, 303 00:14:30,967 --> 00:14:33,267 AS IS MY WONT. 304 00:14:33,267 --> 00:14:36,800 - WELL, THEN, MAYBE WE SHOULD ASK OURSELVES, 305 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:40,467 "WHERE COULD THE ANGER IN THIS FAMILY BE COMING FROM?" 306 00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:47,367 - NO, ALL RIGHT. I AM NOT GONNA-- 307 00:14:47,367 --> 00:14:49,267 I DO NOT WANT TO SIT HERE! 308 00:14:49,267 --> 00:14:51,733 - NO, NO, NO. STOP, STOP. 309 00:14:55,267 --> 00:14:57,633 - I'M FINE. MY APOLOGIES. 310 00:14:57,633 --> 00:14:59,167 RAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 311 00:14:59,167 --> 00:15:01,667 I DON'T THINK PEOPLE NEED TO HEAR MY SIDE OF THINGS AGAIN. 312 00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:05,567 MAYBE YOU COULD SAY SOMETHING OBJECTIVE. 313 00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:09,000 - OKAY. 314 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,033 UH, ALL I KNOW IS... 315 00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:21,767 DEBRA'S GOOD. 316 00:15:21,767 --> 00:15:23,367 SHE'S REALLY, REALLY GOOD. 317 00:15:23,367 --> 00:15:26,033 YOU KNOW, SHE'S GOT A LOT OF STUFF TO DO, 318 00:15:26,033 --> 00:15:28,867 AND THAT'S WHY, 319 00:15:28,867 --> 00:15:31,733 IF SHE'S ALL... 320 00:15:42,033 --> 00:15:44,933 THAT'S WHY. 321 00:15:44,933 --> 00:15:46,133 - [clears throat loudly] 322 00:15:46,133 --> 00:15:49,300 IF I MAY... 323 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,600 YOU MENTIONED, FATHER HUBLEY, 324 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,733 THAT I WAS NOT INCLUDED IN THAT BOOK, 325 00:15:52,733 --> 00:15:56,700 AND THAT IS A VERY ASTUTE OBSERVATION. 326 00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:59,167 AND I DO BELIEVE THAT MY UNIQUE POSITION 327 00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:01,000 IN THIS FAMILY, 328 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,133 AS THAT OF AN OUTSIDER, 329 00:16:03,133 --> 00:16:05,000 ALLOWS ME TO VIEW 330 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,600 THIS HODGEPODGE OF LIFE 331 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:11,033 FROM A RATHER UNIQUE VANTAGE POINT. 332 00:16:11,033 --> 00:16:13,433 - TOP OF A BEANSTALK? 333 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,133 - AND I DO MAINTAIN 334 00:16:19,133 --> 00:16:21,733 THAT IF ANYONE IS TO BLAME, FATHER, 335 00:16:21,733 --> 00:16:24,267 FOR THIS RIVER OF PENT-UP HOSTILITY 336 00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:25,700 THAT RUNS THROUGH THIS SORRY BUNCH 337 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:29,567 LIKE YOU-KNOW-WHAT THROUGH A WE-KNOW-WHAT, 338 00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:33,000 THAT PERSON GOES BY THE NAME OF RAYMOND. 339 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,500 - OH, SIT DOWN, YOU DOPE. 340 00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:37,767 - HE IS AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN THE CENTER: 341 00:16:37,767 --> 00:16:39,767 THE CENTER OF ATTENTION, 342 00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,400 THE CENTER OF AFFECTION. 343 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,233 HE ALWAYS GETS THE CENTER CHAIR IN THE KITCHEN. 344 00:16:44,233 --> 00:16:46,433 AND THIS ANGER OF WHICH YOU SPEAK, 345 00:16:46,433 --> 00:16:48,967 FROM THE REST OF THESE POOR SOULS, 346 00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:53,100 STEMS FROM HIS UNWILLINGNESS TO SHARE 347 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,633 EVEN THE TINIEST PORTION OF THE SPOTLIGHT 348 00:16:55,633 --> 00:17:00,533 THAT SHINES, WITHOUT END ON HIM. 349 00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:04,600 [screaming] 350 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,733 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 351 00:17:07,733 --> 00:17:10,633 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 352 00:17:10,633 --> 00:17:11,767 "CENTER CHAIR." 353 00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:13,700 IT'S MY KITCHEN. GET YOUR OWN KITCHEN. 354 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,967 - THERE YOU GO, YOU SEE, 355 00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,467 BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE A KITCHENETTE, 356 00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:17,433 AND HE LOVES IT! 357 00:17:17,433 --> 00:17:18,733 RIGHT, "RUB IT IN" RAYMOND? 358 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,133 NO HOUSE FOR ME. 359 00:17:20,133 --> 00:17:22,500 NO WIFE, NO KIDS, NO LAWN, NO NOTHIN'! 360 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,700 - HEY, FATHER, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHIN'. 361 00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,967 WOULD YOU KNOW WHO INVENTED THE LAWN? 362 00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:28,733 - OH! 363 00:17:28,733 --> 00:17:30,167 WOULD YOU STOP? 364 00:17:30,167 --> 00:17:31,533 NO ONE INVENTED IT. 365 00:17:31,533 --> 00:17:32,567 IT'S GRASS. 366 00:17:32,567 --> 00:17:33,400 - OH, YEAH? 367 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:34,800 SO CAVEMEN HAD LAWNS? 368 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:38,567 - YES, THEY WERE CALLED "FIELDS," YOU BABOON. 369 00:17:38,567 --> 00:17:39,833 - YOU WANT TO KNOW 370 00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:41,900 WHERE ALL THE TENSION IN THE FAMILY COMES FROM? 371 00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,800 I'M CHAINED TO IT. 372 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,533 HERE SHE IS. 373 00:17:45,533 --> 00:17:47,600 AND IF YOU'RE LOOKIN' TO FIND OUT WHY SHE'S LIKE THIS, 374 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:50,467 I'M GIVIN' IT TO YOU, FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL. 375 00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:52,667 YOU READY? 376 00:17:52,667 --> 00:17:55,233 THERE, RIGHT THERE! 377 00:17:55,233 --> 00:17:57,400 SHE MARRIED HIM! 378 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,667 AND THIS ONE STILL CAN'T DEAL WITH IT! 379 00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:10,233 - HOW DARE YOU? 380 00:18:10,233 --> 00:18:12,533 - IT-IT-IT'S ALL RIGHT, MRS.-- - YOU HOLD ON. 381 00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:18,167 YOU THINK MICHAEL'S BOOK IS MY FAULT, DON'T YOU? 382 00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:20,433 DON'T YOU, HUH? 383 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,933 IF THERE'S EVER A PROBLEM IN THE FAMILY, IT'S THE MOTHER. 384 00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:24,967 IT'S ALWAYS THE MOTHER. 385 00:18:24,967 --> 00:18:27,567 WELL, YOU ALL OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES. 386 00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:31,533 AND YOU, YOU-- YOU ALLOW THAT, FATHER HUBLEY? 387 00:18:31,533 --> 00:18:33,233 SHAME ON YOU. 388 00:18:33,233 --> 00:18:35,200 THAT'S RIGHT. YOU HAD A MOTHER. 389 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,000 AND YOU ALLOW ALL THIS TO HAPPEN 390 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,400 IN YOUR SCHOOL, IN YOUR PARISH. 391 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,033 THIS "NEW PSYCHOLOGY," 392 00:18:40,033 --> 00:18:41,800 THAT CHILDREN ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. 393 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,600 THEY'RE BEING REWARDED FOR EVERY LITTLE THING THEY DO 394 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:45,900 WITH THE STICKERS. 395 00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:48,100 I MEAN, THESE KIDS ARE COMIN' HOME FULL OF STICKERS 396 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:49,767 FOR DOING NOTHING! 397 00:18:49,767 --> 00:18:52,067 "OOH, I WENT TO THE POTTY." 398 00:18:52,067 --> 00:18:53,600 "HERE'S A STICKER." 399 00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:58,033 IN MY DAY, YOU HAD TO EARN A REWARD, 400 00:18:58,033 --> 00:18:59,267 AND EVEN THEN, YOU DIDN'T GET IT. 401 00:18:59,267 --> 00:19:00,833 AND IF THERE WAS YELLING IN THE HOUSE, 402 00:19:00,833 --> 00:19:02,100 YOU EARNED THAT TOO. 403 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,400 THERE WAS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. 404 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,733 I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 405 00:19:04,733 --> 00:19:06,500 THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS FAMILY. 406 00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:08,400 WE'RE VERY CLOSE. WE'RE VERY OPEN. 407 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,733 WE'RE VERY LOVING, 'CAUSE I MAKE SURE OF IT. 408 00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:13,300 BUT EVERYBODY HAS TO MAKE A BIG DEAL. 409 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:14,900 YOU HAVE TO HAVE A MEETING. 410 00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:16,067 YOU HAVE TO HAVE AN INQUIRY. 411 00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:18,833 YOU HAVE TO HAVE A WITCH HUNT. 412 00:19:18,833 --> 00:19:20,733 - I THINK THEY FOUND ONE. 413 00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:34,800 - WELL, THANK YOU, EVERYBODY, 414 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,867 FOR A LOVELY MORNING. 415 00:19:38,867 --> 00:19:40,467 BELIEVE IT OR NOT, 416 00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:43,133 I DO UNDERSTAND THE PRESSURES AND TENSIONS 417 00:19:43,133 --> 00:19:45,433 OF RAISING A FAMILY IN TODAY'S WORLD. 418 00:19:45,433 --> 00:19:49,767 BUT I THINK THIS PARTICULAR FAMILY 419 00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:51,433 COMPOUNDS THE PROBLEM 420 00:19:51,433 --> 00:19:54,067 BY MAYBE BEING A BIT TOO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER CONSTANTLY, 421 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:57,933 LIKE PING-PONG BALLS POUNDING AND HITTING OFF EACH OTHER 422 00:19:57,933 --> 00:20:00,433 IN THE LOTTERY MACHINE. 423 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:06,067 EXCEPT NOBODY WINS IN THIS ONE, 424 00:20:06,067 --> 00:20:07,933 LEAST OF ALL THE CHILDREN, 425 00:20:07,933 --> 00:20:11,333 WHICH IS WHAT I GOT FROM THIS BOOK. 426 00:20:11,333 --> 00:20:19,800 SO IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU, OR YOU, OR YOU, OR YOU, 427 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,933 OR EVEN RAYMOND TODAY. 428 00:20:22,933 --> 00:20:25,200 IT'S ABOUT THIS LITTLE GUY 429 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:29,000 AND THIS SWEET, SIMPLE WAY OF MAYBE 430 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,267 GIVING YOU A MESSAGE. 431 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,133 - [sniffles] 432 00:20:44,233 --> 00:20:47,367 [softly crying] 433 00:20:51,633 --> 00:20:54,633 - NOW, WE HAVE THESE PARENTING BOOKS 434 00:20:54,633 --> 00:20:56,200 THAT YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE A LOOK AT-- 435 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,567 - I'LL TRY ONE. - OH, I'LL TAKE ONE. 436 00:20:59,567 --> 00:21:01,700 - WE'LL TAKE 'EM ALL. WE'LL TAKE 'EM ALL. 437 00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:03,567 - NOW, NOW, GIVE ME ONE. THEY'RE NOT ALL FOR YOU. 438 00:21:03,567 --> 00:21:05,767 - RELAX, DAD. YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE! 439 00:21:11,267 --> 00:21:12,533 HEY! - HEY! 440 00:21:12,533 --> 00:21:15,067 - COME HERE, YOU. - COME HERE. 441 00:21:15,067 --> 00:21:16,367 - WHAT'D YOU DO, GO TO THE BATHROOM? 442 00:21:16,367 --> 00:21:18,000 - YEAH, YOUR LIGHT'S ON. 443 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,567 - YEAH, THAT'S 'CAUSE WE'RE READIN'. 444 00:21:19,567 --> 00:21:21,133 - WE'RE READIN' A COUPLE BOOKS HERE. 445 00:21:21,133 --> 00:21:22,900 GIVE ME THAT HEAD. GIVE ME THAT. 446 00:21:22,900 --> 00:21:24,033 HEY, IT'S TIME FOR BED, DUDE. 447 00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,533 - OKAY? - COME ON. 448 00:21:25,533 --> 00:21:27,833 SEE YA TOMORROW, OKAY? - SEE YOU IN THE MORNING, HONEY. 449 00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:29,433 HEY, LISTEN, MICHAEL, 450 00:21:29,433 --> 00:21:31,433 WE REALLY LOVED YOUR STORY YOU WROTE, 451 00:21:31,433 --> 00:21:33,000 AND WE LEARNED A LOT FROM IT. 452 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,733 - I LIKE THAT CARTOON. 453 00:21:34,733 --> 00:21:36,067 - WHAT CARTOON? 454 00:21:36,067 --> 00:21:37,800 - "MONSTER MANIACS." 455 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:38,933 THEY'RE REALLY FUNNY. 456 00:21:38,933 --> 00:21:40,333 THEY'RE ALWAYS YELLING.