1 00:00:01,867 --> 00:00:05,000 [Debra and Ray laughing] 2 00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:08,167 - OH! - WHOA! 3 00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:10,600 [loud thud] - OW! 4 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:14,567 - OH...OH... 5 00:00:14,567 --> 00:00:15,767 OHH, SORRY. 6 00:00:15,767 --> 00:00:19,267 THOUGHT I HAD A LITTLE MORE BED UP THERE. 7 00:00:19,267 --> 00:00:20,600 - NO, HEY, RAY, STOP! 8 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:21,533 - WHAT? 9 00:00:21,533 --> 00:00:23,167 - I REALLY HURT MY SHOULDER. 10 00:00:23,167 --> 00:00:25,100 - OH, WELL, CAN'T YOU JUST SHAKE IT OFF? 11 00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:26,833 - WELL, NO. 12 00:00:26,833 --> 00:00:28,167 NO, IT REALLY HURTS. 13 00:00:28,167 --> 00:00:30,133 I THINK I BETTER PUT SOME ICE ON IT. 14 00:00:30,133 --> 00:00:31,367 - WELL, YOU KNOW, MY WRIST HURTS, 15 00:00:31,367 --> 00:00:32,733 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY. 16 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:35,933 YOU SHOULD GET RIGHT BACK UP ON THE HORSE. 17 00:00:35,933 --> 00:00:38,533 - I'M GETTING ICE. 18 00:00:40,667 --> 00:00:43,000 - BUT THE HORSE! 19 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,233 OW... 20 00:00:48,233 --> 00:00:51,333 MY FIRST SEX INJURY. 21 00:00:52,933 --> 00:00:58,600 male announcer: ANOTHER SEASON OF "EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND." 22 00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,767 [grunting] 23 00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:04,900 [slow motion yelling, grunting] 24 00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:10,167 [determined music] 25 00:01:10,167 --> 00:01:12,567 - [laughs] 26 00:01:12,567 --> 00:01:15,500 [grunting] 27 00:01:27,933 --> 00:01:31,067 [crowd cheering] 28 00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:43,367 - OH! AAH! GOD. 29 00:01:49,267 --> 00:01:52,400 AH, OOH! MAN. 30 00:01:55,933 --> 00:01:59,100 HEY, GIANNI, PASS ME THAT SODA. 31 00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:02,100 OH! AAH! JEEZ. 32 00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:03,933 AAH, GOD. 33 00:02:03,933 --> 00:02:05,300 MAN, I HURT MY WRIST. 34 00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:07,433 I REALLY HURT THAT WRIST, DIDN'T I? 35 00:02:07,433 --> 00:02:10,133 - WHAT, DID YOU SPRAIN IT OPENING A JAR OF MARMALADE? 36 00:02:10,133 --> 00:02:11,633 - [chuckles] 37 00:02:11,633 --> 00:02:14,633 - HOW 'BOUT JUST THE OPPOSITE? 38 00:02:18,833 --> 00:02:24,133 DEBRA AND I HAD SOME WILD SEX LAST NIGHT. 39 00:02:25,067 --> 00:02:27,067 - WHOA! - ALL RIGHT. 40 00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:30,800 - OH, WHOOP-DE-DOO FOR YOU. 41 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,167 - SO WHAT HAPPENED? 42 00:02:32,167 --> 00:02:33,800 - WELL, NO, NO, NO. 43 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,867 I DON'T NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT? 44 00:02:35,867 --> 00:02:37,367 - OH, WOULD YOU STOP? 45 00:02:37,367 --> 00:02:39,600 YOU BROUGHT IT UP. YOU GOT A PHONY BANDAGE ON. 46 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:44,067 YOU CAN'T WAIT TO TELL EVERYBODY EVERYTHING. 47 00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:45,900 - TELL ME ANYTHING. 48 00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:46,967 - NO! NO, NO. 49 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,400 - OH, THIS ISN'T FAIR! 50 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,600 I HAVEN'T HAD SEX SINCE MY KID WAS BORN. 51 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,900 - YOUR KID'S A YEAR AND A HALF. 52 00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:56,800 - TELL ME YOUR STORY. 53 00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:01,200 - ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. 54 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,067 YOU KNOW, THINGS WERE HAPPENING, 55 00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:04,700 AND IT GOT A LITTLE CRAZY, 56 00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:08,833 AND NEXT THING I KNOW, WE'RE AIRBORNE. 57 00:03:08,833 --> 00:03:11,333 - WHOO. 58 00:03:11,333 --> 00:03:16,133 - LONG STORY SHORT, THIS WAS NO MARMALADE ACCIDENT. 59 00:03:16,133 --> 00:03:17,567 - THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME. 60 00:03:17,567 --> 00:03:21,333 - NO KIDDING. 61 00:03:21,333 --> 00:03:23,567 - HEY, SHE'S HURT WORSE THAN ME. 62 00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:27,400 - SO YOU'RE PROUD OF THE FACT THAT YOU'RE SUCH A KLUTZ, 63 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:31,600 YOU FELL OUT OF BED ONTO YOUR POOR PETITE WIFE. 64 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,467 - I CAN HONESTLY SAY THIS WAS NOT MY FAULT. 65 00:03:34,467 --> 00:03:39,533 THE LADY GOT A LITTLE BIT OUT OF CONTROL. 66 00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:40,367 - REALLY? 67 00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:41,567 YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU, 68 00:03:41,567 --> 00:03:43,933 I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ABOUT DEBRA. 69 00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,633 - WHAT? 70 00:03:45,633 --> 00:03:46,800 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 71 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,767 WHAT--WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT DEBRA? 72 00:03:48,767 --> 00:03:50,900 - YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT. 73 00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:53,767 SHE SEEMS TO BE VERY, UH... 74 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,633 "ANIMALE." 75 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,733 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, A LITTLE RESPECT. 76 00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:02,533 IS THIS HOW YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR WIFE? 77 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:05,367 I GUESS THEY'RE JUST HANDING OUT WIVES TO ANYBODY, HUH? 78 00:04:05,367 --> 00:04:08,133 [muttering angrily] 79 00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:12,533 - HEY, SO YOU REALLY THOUGHT THAT ABOUT DEBRA? 80 00:04:12,533 --> 00:04:14,067 - YEAH, SHE'S LIKE ONE OF THOSE 81 00:04:14,067 --> 00:04:16,133 "UPTIGHT AND BOSSY ON THE SURFACE 82 00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:19,067 BUT WILD UNDERNEATH" GIRLS. 83 00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:20,133 - WELL, I'M UPTIGHT. 84 00:04:20,133 --> 00:04:24,067 YOU THINK I'M WILD UNDERNEATH? 85 00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:27,167 - I'D HATE TO BE UNDERNEATH. 86 00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:34,167 - HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS SHOULD KNOW ABOUT DEBRA, 87 00:04:34,167 --> 00:04:37,133 SHE WASN'T ALWAYS--SHE WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW? 88 00:04:37,133 --> 00:04:41,633 BUT I GUESS OVER THE YEARS, I'VE KIND OF CREATED A MONSTER. 89 00:04:41,633 --> 00:04:43,067 [laughing] 90 00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:44,200 - TURN UP THE TV. 91 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,567 I'M COMING BACK, 92 00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:48,433 AND I'LL BE EATING SOMETHING CRUNCHY. 93 00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:50,933 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 94 00:04:50,933 --> 00:04:53,667 JUST SHUT UP NOW ABOUT THE BOOM-BA-DEE-BOOM-BOOM. 95 00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:55,367 - COME ON, YOUR OLD MAN WOULD BE PROUD OF YOU. 96 00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:56,800 YOU WERE TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS. 97 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,367 - EVERY WAY. 98 00:04:58,367 --> 00:05:00,500 - NOW, JUST LOOK, WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT, ALL RIGHT? 99 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:03,100 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? HAVE A LITTLE CLASS, MAN. 100 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:05,067 - DAD, THOSE NACHOS WERE FOR ME. 101 00:05:05,067 --> 00:05:06,100 - I LIKE CHEESE. 102 00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:09,833 YOU KNEW THE RISKS. 103 00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:12,067 - HEY, FRANK, RAY HURT HIMSELF. 104 00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:13,067 ASK HIM HOW. 105 00:05:13,067 --> 00:05:15,433 - BERNIE. 106 00:05:15,433 --> 00:05:16,367 - WHY? 107 00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:18,133 - YEAH, NEVER MIND. 108 00:05:18,133 --> 00:05:20,167 - NO, NO, NO, IT'S A GOOD STORY. ASK HIM. 109 00:05:20,167 --> 00:05:23,133 - ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD. 110 00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:28,100 - WHAT? IT'S NOTHIN'. 111 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:30,700 I HURT MY WRIST, THAT'S ALL. 112 00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:33,867 I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS. 113 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,967 THEY'RE OLD, AND THEY'RE CREAKY, THOSE STAIRS. 114 00:05:36,967 --> 00:05:41,133 - WHAT A MARVELOUS STORY. 115 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:43,467 AND YOU TELL IT BEAUTIFULLY. 116 00:05:43,467 --> 00:05:46,133 - I TOLD YOU IT WAS NOTHING. 117 00:05:46,133 --> 00:05:47,567 - HOW MANY YEARS HAVE I GOT LEFT? 118 00:05:47,567 --> 00:05:50,667 YOU GOT TO WASTE MY TIME WITH THAT STORY? 119 00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:53,067 - WHAT? I DIDN'T WANT TO TELL IT TO YOU. 120 00:05:53,067 --> 00:05:54,633 - THEN YOU SHOULD CUT YOUR LOSSES NOW 121 00:05:54,633 --> 00:05:56,200 AND STOP TALKING. 122 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:59,067 A STAIR STORY. 123 00:06:00,333 --> 00:06:02,100 - DEBRA FELL, TOO. 124 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:04,267 - HEY, WOULD YOU SHUT UP? 125 00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:06,567 ALL RIGHT? JUST SHUT UP! 126 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,133 WHAT ARE YOU BOTHERING MY FATHER FOR? 127 00:06:08,133 --> 00:06:09,467 HE'S WATCHING THE GAME, 128 00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:12,300 AND HE TOLD ME HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. 129 00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,233 - TWO PEOPLE FALLING. 130 00:06:14,233 --> 00:06:16,800 NOW MAYBE YOU GOT A STORY. 131 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,367 HOW'D THAT HAPPEN? 132 00:06:18,367 --> 00:06:22,433 - YES, HOW? PRAY TELL. 133 00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:26,333 - SAME THING. THOSE CRAZY-ASS STAIRS THERE. 134 00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:29,600 SO IF YOU SEE DEBRA LATER AND SHE HAS A SORE SHOULDER, 135 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:30,833 THEN THAT'S WHY. 136 00:06:30,833 --> 00:06:33,800 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW TWO GROWN PEOPLE 137 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,400 FALL DOWN THE STAIRS. 138 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,067 - BECAUSE IT WASN'T OUR FAULT. 139 00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:44,067 THOSE STUPID STAIRS-- THEY'RE DANGEROUS, I TELL YOU. 140 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:49,067 - SO DID YOU REALLY FALL DOWN THE STAIRS? 141 00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:50,067 WHICH STORY'S TRUE? 142 00:06:50,067 --> 00:06:51,333 - WOULD YOU SHUT UP? 143 00:06:51,333 --> 00:06:52,800 - NO, NO, REALLY, I'M CONFUSED, 144 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,633 BECAUSE THEY'RE BOTH QUITE CONVINCING. 145 00:06:58,067 --> 00:06:59,100 [kids yelling] 146 00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:02,467 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 147 00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:03,967 WHOO. 148 00:07:03,967 --> 00:07:05,433 - ALL RIGHT. 149 00:07:05,433 --> 00:07:09,300 I AM LAYING DOWN NOW AND SCRATCHING A FEW THINGS. 150 00:07:12,233 --> 00:07:14,167 - FRANK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 151 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:16,100 - I CAME OVER TO CHECK OUT YOUR STAIRS. 152 00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,933 NO WONDER THE TWO OF YOU FELL. 153 00:07:17,933 --> 00:07:19,300 THESE LOOK WARPED. 154 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:20,733 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING-- 155 00:07:20,733 --> 00:07:23,233 - YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE. 156 00:07:23,233 --> 00:07:24,600 THIS IS WHO HE IS. 157 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,600 THIS IS HOW HE DEFINES HIMSELF AS A PERSON. 158 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,333 - BUT WHY IS YOUR FATHER FIXING OUR STAIRS? 159 00:07:28,333 --> 00:07:30,167 - WHO CARES? THE FUDGE POPS ARE MELTING. 160 00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:31,467 LET'S GO. COME ON. 161 00:07:31,467 --> 00:07:32,900 - WAIT A MINUTE. 162 00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:37,067 WHY DOES YOUR FATHER THINK THAT WE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS? 163 00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:38,467 - BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I TOLD HIM. 164 00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:40,067 YOU DON'T WANT HIM KNOWING THE TRUTH, DO YOU? 165 00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:43,067 HE CAME IN THE OTHER NIGHT, I WAS TALKING TO THE GUYS AND-- 166 00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:47,267 - WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE! 167 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,833 DID YOU TELL THE GUYS? 168 00:07:49,833 --> 00:07:52,300 - UH... 169 00:07:54,067 --> 00:07:58,133 THEY GUESSED. 170 00:07:58,133 --> 00:08:00,267 - YOU TOLD YOUR FRIENDS 171 00:08:00,267 --> 00:08:01,933 ABOUT HOW WE FELL OUT OF THE BED? 172 00:08:01,933 --> 00:08:04,200 - NO, THEY JUST GOT IT. 173 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,733 MY WRIST, YOUR SHOULDER... 174 00:08:06,733 --> 00:08:09,300 IT IS KIND OF OBVIOUS. 175 00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:12,067 - OH, MY GOD, RAY, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING. 176 00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:14,067 HOW COULD YOU? 177 00:08:14,067 --> 00:08:15,933 - IT'S GUY TALK. 178 00:08:15,933 --> 00:08:18,733 COME ON, THAT'S WHAT WE DO. HEY, DON'T BE EMBARRASSED. 179 00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:21,367 WE'RE "MUY CALIENTE"! 180 00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:24,267 - YEAH. 181 00:08:24,267 --> 00:08:26,200 AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT. 182 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,067 - ALL RIGHT! 183 00:08:28,067 --> 00:08:29,600 - I DON'T WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW IT, RAY! 184 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,533 - COME ON, LOOK, THE GUYS ALREADY THINK 185 00:08:31,533 --> 00:08:33,767 YOU'RE WILD AND STUFF ANYWAY, SO IT DOESN'T MATTER. 186 00:08:33,767 --> 00:08:37,400 - WELL, I DON'T THINK... 187 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,067 WILD? 188 00:08:39,067 --> 00:08:41,800 REALLY? 189 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,767 - "ANIMALE." 190 00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:49,767 - REALLY? THEY THINK I'M WILD? 191 00:08:49,767 --> 00:08:52,100 - YEAH, SEE, SEE! YOU LIKE IT. EVERYTHING IS FINE. 192 00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:53,733 - NO, NO, IT IS NOT FINE. 193 00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:56,500 NO, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING ABOUT THAT. 194 00:08:56,500 --> 00:08:58,300 AND THEN YOU HAVE TO MAKE UP THIS WHOLE THING 195 00:08:58,300 --> 00:08:59,733 ABOUT THE STAIRS, 196 00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:01,367 AND NOW YOUR FATHER'S RIPPING 'EM OUT! 197 00:09:01,367 --> 00:09:03,400 HOW ARE WE GONNA GET UP THE STAIRS? 198 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:07,800 - LOOK AT YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE A LITTLE WILD. 199 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:08,933 RAWRRR. 200 00:09:08,933 --> 00:09:11,267 - OH, GET AWAY FROM ME. 201 00:09:11,267 --> 00:09:13,500 - HELLO, DEARS. - HI, MARIE. 202 00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:16,067 - FRANK WANTED SOME ICE WATER. 203 00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,367 - BELIEVE IT OR NOT, MARIE, 204 00:09:17,367 --> 00:09:19,867 WE HAVE THE INGREDIENTS FOR THAT RIGHT HERE. 205 00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:22,233 - OH, I KNOW, 206 00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:25,967 BUT FRANK LIKES HIS ICE CUBES A LITTLE LESS MURKY. 207 00:09:25,967 --> 00:09:27,400 - ALL RIGHT. 208 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:31,133 - OH, I HEARD ABOUT YOU FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS! 209 00:09:31,133 --> 00:09:34,233 SOUNDS TERRIBLE. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 210 00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:35,467 - YEAH, WE'RE FINE, MARIE. 211 00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:38,333 - MY WRIST IS A LITTLE SORE. - RAY. 212 00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:40,467 - YOU POOR THING. - YEAH, YEAH. 213 00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:45,200 - BUT WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND IS, HOW DID YOU BOTH FALL? 214 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:48,700 WERE YOU GOING DOWN THE STAIRS AT THE SAME TIME? 215 00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:50,233 - YES, WE WERE. 216 00:09:50,233 --> 00:09:54,767 THAT IS, INDEED, WHAT WE DID DO. 217 00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:56,567 - BUT WHY? 218 00:09:56,567 --> 00:09:57,833 - I DON'T KNOW. 219 00:09:57,833 --> 00:10:03,033 IT WAS KIND OF LIKE A JACK-AND-JILL SITUATION. 220 00:10:03,033 --> 00:10:05,733 I WENT, AND THEN SHE, YOU KNOW... 221 00:10:05,733 --> 00:10:10,267 CAME TUMBLING AFTER. 222 00:10:10,267 --> 00:10:12,167 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 223 00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:13,600 - WELL, THERE'S NO SHAME IN THAT. 224 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,467 WE ALL GET OLD. 225 00:10:23,633 --> 00:10:25,133 - WE WERE HAVING A RACE. 226 00:10:25,133 --> 00:10:26,500 - HUH? 227 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:29,533 - A RACE? IN THE HOUSE? 228 00:10:29,533 --> 00:10:33,300 - YEAH, MM-HMM. 229 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,867 - SOMETHING DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. 230 00:10:35,867 --> 00:10:37,333 - WELL, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO. 231 00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:41,167 IT'S A TRADITION. 232 00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:42,933 - A TRADITION. 233 00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,100 WELL, I NEVER HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT THESE RACES. 234 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,333 - WELL, IT'S--JUST IT'S KIND OF OUR THING, YOU KNOW? 235 00:10:47,333 --> 00:10:48,800 I MEAN, WE DO IT ALL THE TIME. 236 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,800 SOMETIMES WE DO FRONT DOOR TO BACK DOOR, YOU KNOW? 237 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,233 YEAH, SOMETIMES WE DO THREE TIMES AROUND THE COUCH. 238 00:10:54,233 --> 00:10:55,800 FRIDAY WE USUALLY DO THE STAIRS. 239 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,333 - OKAY, RAY. 240 00:10:57,333 --> 00:11:00,500 - "FRIDAY ON THE STAIRS"-- THAT'S WHAT WE CALL IT. 241 00:11:03,733 --> 00:11:04,933 [pounding, hammering] 242 00:11:04,933 --> 00:11:06,767 - FRANK MUST BE AWFULLY THIRSTY BY NOW. 243 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,067 - YEAH, OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 244 00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:09,200 HE LIKES IT WHEN I GIVE HIM THAT. 245 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,600 - ABOUT THE RACES-- 246 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,500 YOU DON'T MAKE THE CHILDREN RACE, DO YOU? 247 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:13,333 - OH, NO, NO. 248 00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:14,700 - NO, NO. ADULTS ONLY. 249 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:18,067 YEAH, YOU GOT TO BE AT LEAST THIS TALL. 250 00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:20,100 - SO THAT'S HOW YOU BOTH FELL? 251 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:22,067 A RACE AROUND THE HOUSE, 252 00:11:22,067 --> 00:11:26,200 WHICH YOU OFTEN DO AS A TRADITION? 253 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,133 - UH, YEAH. 254 00:11:28,133 --> 00:11:30,167 - STUPID, HUMPED-UP TERMITE TRAP! 255 00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:33,300 [clattering] 256 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:44,800 - OH, MY GOD! 257 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,900 FRANK, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 258 00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:50,167 - HOLY CRAP! 259 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,233 - DON'T MOVE. 260 00:11:51,233 --> 00:11:53,067 I'M COMING RIGHT DOWN! 261 00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:55,667 - I'M IN ENOUGH PAIN! 262 00:12:03,467 --> 00:12:04,733 - THERE YOU GO. 263 00:12:04,733 --> 00:12:06,533 - I MUST SAY, YOU'RE DOING SURPRISINGLY WELL 264 00:12:06,533 --> 00:12:08,100 AFTER TAKING SUCH A FALL, MR. BARONE. 265 00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:09,933 NO INJURIES OTHER THAN A BROKEN RIB. 266 00:12:09,933 --> 00:12:11,600 - OH, THANK GOD! 267 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,800 - YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID. I'M FINE. 268 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,233 NO KISSING. 269 00:12:16,233 --> 00:12:18,300 - I TOLD HIM NOT TO FIX THE STAIRS. 270 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,333 I KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN. 271 00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:22,600 I CAN'T BEAR TO SEE HIM HURT. 272 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:26,367 WHY ARE YOU SUCH A STUBBORN IDIOT? 273 00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:30,633 - DOCTOR, CAN I HAVE THIS REMOVED? 274 00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:31,967 - DOCTOR, BEFORE YOU GO, 275 00:12:31,967 --> 00:12:36,400 IS THERE SUCH A THING AS A PERSONALITY TRANSPLANT? 276 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:41,467 - OKAY, CRAZIES, WE'RE IN PUBLIC HERE. 277 00:12:41,467 --> 00:12:43,700 - HEY, DOC, WHAT'S THIS STUFF DRIPPIN' INTO ME? 278 00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:45,167 - OH, THAT'S JUST SOME PAINKILLER 279 00:12:45,167 --> 00:12:46,533 TO HELP WITH ANY DISCOMFORT. 280 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,600 - BUT I'M NOT EXPERIENCING ANY DISCOMFORT. 281 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,933 - THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY STARTING TO WORK. 282 00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:55,167 - OH. 283 00:12:55,167 --> 00:13:00,133 WAY TO GO, TUBE AND BAGGIE. 284 00:13:00,133 --> 00:13:01,433 - YES. 285 00:13:01,433 --> 00:13:03,133 NOW, A NURSE WILL BE IN AT THE END OF THE DAY 286 00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,767 TO GIVE YOU YOUR DISCHARGE PAPERS. 287 00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:08,067 - PAPERS? DON'T YOU GUYS HAVE BEDPANS ANYMORE? 288 00:13:08,067 --> 00:13:10,367 [laughs] 289 00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:15,167 - YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID TO HIM, HUH? 290 00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:16,600 ALL OF THIS BECAUSE YOU AND DEBRA 291 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:17,667 "FELL DOWN THE STAIRS." 292 00:13:17,667 --> 00:13:19,300 - ALL RIGHT, ROBERT. - DON'T, ROBERT. 293 00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:20,767 - DOCTOR, WHILE YOU'RE STILL HERE, 294 00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,467 WOULD YOU JUST TAKE A LOOK AT MY SON'S WRIST? 295 00:13:23,467 --> 00:13:26,300 - YEAH, AND, RAY, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME 296 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:28,700 SOMEONE LOOKED AT THAT TESTICLE? 297 00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:30,900 - DAD! 298 00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:32,300 - WHAT? 299 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:35,500 NO ONE'S CHECKED IT SINCE HE WAS A KID. 300 00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:37,100 - IT'S ALL RIGHT, DAD. 301 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:41,967 - HEY, HEY, HEY, NOTHIN' TO BE ASHAMED OF. 302 00:13:41,967 --> 00:13:45,400 - OKAY, DAD. 303 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,933 - AND, DEBRA, YOU SHOULD SHOW THE DOCTOR YOUR SHOULDER. 304 00:13:48,933 --> 00:13:50,933 - NO, I'M FINE, FRANK, REALLY. 305 00:13:50,933 --> 00:13:52,933 THANK YOU, THOUGH. 306 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,067 - THEY TOOK A TUMBLE DOWN THE STAIRS. 307 00:13:55,067 --> 00:13:56,233 - BOTH OF YOU? 308 00:13:56,233 --> 00:13:58,200 - UNUSUAL, ISN'T IT? 309 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:02,733 - WE HAVE THESE LITTLE RACES. 310 00:14:02,733 --> 00:14:04,233 - YEAH, YOU KNOW, RAY, 311 00:14:04,233 --> 00:14:06,300 MAYBE YOU SHOULD LET THE DOCTOR CHECK OUT YOUR WRIST. 312 00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,833 I'M SURE YOU AND DEBRA WANT TO GET BACK 313 00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:10,800 TO YOUR ACTIVE LIFESTYLE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, HMM? 314 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,933 - IT'S OKAY. IT'S FINE. SEE? IT'S ALL BETTER. 315 00:14:12,933 --> 00:14:14,500 - REALLY? LET'S ARM WRESTLE. 316 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:15,800 - GET AWAY. - GIVE IT TO ME! 317 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,667 - GET OUT OF HERE. 318 00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:19,267 - BUT, DOCTOR, REALLY, 319 00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:21,433 YOU SHOULD TAKE A LOOK IN HIS SHORTS. 320 00:14:21,433 --> 00:14:24,367 - NO! 321 00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:27,800 - THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH ONE OF THE MAN BERRIES. 322 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,833 - DAD! 323 00:14:30,833 --> 00:14:34,067 YEAH, IT'S--NEVER MIND. 324 00:14:34,067 --> 00:14:36,067 - OKAY, THEN, IF YOU DON'T NEED ME, MR. BARONE, 325 00:14:36,067 --> 00:14:37,833 YOU TRY AND TAKE IT EASY. 326 00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:41,800 - OKAY, AND, HEY, YOU TAKE IT EASY, TOO. 327 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,133 HEY! 328 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:46,067 PEACE. 329 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,200 - I'M SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED, FRANK. 330 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:55,167 - HEY, I WAS HAPPY TO FIX YOUR STAIRS, DEBRA, 331 00:14:55,167 --> 00:14:57,967 BECAUSE YOU NEEDED IT DONE. 332 00:14:57,967 --> 00:15:00,667 AND IF I HAD TO BREAK 100 RIBS, 333 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:06,067 IT'S A SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR THE FAMILY STAIRS. 334 00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:08,067 YES. 335 00:15:10,233 --> 00:15:14,633 I TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY. 336 00:15:14,633 --> 00:15:16,067 "FAMILY." 337 00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:19,700 THAT'S A FUNNY WORD. 338 00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:21,900 FAMILY. 339 00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:25,300 FAMILY, FAMILY, FAMILY. 340 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,133 - I GOT TO GO PICK UP THE KIDS. 341 00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:28,733 YOU WANT TO WALK ME OUT? 342 00:15:28,733 --> 00:15:30,367 - YEAH, I'LL GO WITH YOU. - OKAY. 343 00:15:30,367 --> 00:15:34,867 - HEY, IF YOU GUYS ARE RACING, I GET WINNERS. 344 00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:37,433 - WE CAN NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN. 345 00:15:37,433 --> 00:15:38,633 - WHAT? 346 00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:41,133 - LOOK AT YOUR FATHER, LYING IN THERE HURT, 347 00:15:41,133 --> 00:15:43,200 AND ALL BECAUSE WE-- 348 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,733 AND NOW WHENEVER-- 349 00:15:44,733 --> 00:15:47,900 I'M GONNA THINK OF HIM, WORKIN' ON THOSE STAIRS, 350 00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:49,933 AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, HIS LITTLE BALD HEAD 351 00:15:49,933 --> 00:15:53,800 DROPPING OUT OF SIGHT. 352 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,467 - WELL, HERE'S SOMETHING YOU MIGHT TRY: 353 00:15:56,467 --> 00:15:59,267 THINKING OF ME WHEN WE'RE HAVING SEX. 354 00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:00,767 - THIS IS AWFUL, RAY. 355 00:16:00,767 --> 00:16:02,900 WE LIED TO HIM, AND NOW HE HAS A BROKEN RIB. 356 00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:04,433 WE BROKE HIS RIB. 357 00:16:04,433 --> 00:16:07,467 WE MAY AS WELL HAVE ROLLED OFF THAT BED AND ONTO HIM. 358 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,233 - HEY, ARE YOU TRYING TO PUT IMAGES IN MY HEAD? 359 00:16:10,233 --> 00:16:12,533 'CAUSE WE MAY NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN! 360 00:16:12,533 --> 00:16:13,600 HELLO. HI. 361 00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,200 YEAH, LOOK, THIS IS NOT OUR FAULT. 362 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,700 - YES, IT IS! 363 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:20,500 THIS IS 30% MY FAULT AND 70% YOURS. 364 00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:23,067 - WHERE DO YOU COME UP WITH THOSE FIGURES? 365 00:16:23,067 --> 00:16:24,267 - YOU STARTED THE WHOLE THING. 366 00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:25,633 NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED 367 00:16:25,633 --> 00:16:27,367 IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS 368 00:16:27,367 --> 00:16:28,767 WHAT A BIG STUD YOU ARE! 369 00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:31,067 - OH, WHY COULDN'T THE NURSE HEAR THAT? 370 00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:33,867 LOOK, THE TRUTH IS, NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED 371 00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:37,167 IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE THAT SECOND GLASS OF WINE THAT NIGHT. 372 00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:39,367 OR IF YOU LET ME BUY A KING-SIZE BED. 373 00:16:39,367 --> 00:16:41,833 OR IF JUST ONCE, GOD FORBID, 374 00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:45,600 YOU LISTEN TO ME, AND WE COULD START ON THE FLOOR! 375 00:16:48,367 --> 00:16:50,267 - WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR HIM. 376 00:16:50,267 --> 00:16:51,467 - ALL RIGHT, FINE. 377 00:16:51,467 --> 00:16:52,733 - HOW DO WE MAKE THIS UP TO HIM? 378 00:16:52,733 --> 00:16:54,333 WE HAVE TO GET HIM A SATELLITE DISH. 379 00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:56,733 - WHAT? NO! LOOK, I'LL GO TO THE CAFETERIA. 380 00:16:56,733 --> 00:17:00,067 I'LL GET HIM A NICE JELL-O PARFAIT. 381 00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:01,667 - WE HAVE TO MAKE THIS RIGHT. 382 00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:04,067 I CANNOT GO TO BED EVERY NIGHT WITH THOSE IMAGES IN MY HEAD. 383 00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:05,167 - ALL RIGHT. 384 00:17:05,167 --> 00:17:06,733 ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. 385 00:17:06,733 --> 00:17:09,533 LAST THING YOU NEED IS ANOTHER EXCUSE. 386 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:13,567 - OH, RAYMOND, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK. 387 00:17:13,567 --> 00:17:15,100 I WANT TO TAKE ROBBIE AND INTRODUCE HIM 388 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,100 TO A NURSE I JUST MET. 389 00:17:16,100 --> 00:17:17,633 COME ON, ROBBIE. 390 00:17:17,633 --> 00:17:20,133 - I DON'T THINK I SHOULD MEET ANYBODY NEW RIGHT NOW. 391 00:17:20,133 --> 00:17:21,600 I DIDN'T WASH MY HAIR TODAY. 392 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,633 - WELL, SHE WORKS IN THE HOSPITAL. 393 00:17:23,633 --> 00:17:27,533 I'M SURE SHE'S USED TO SEEING ALL KINDS OF THINGS. 394 00:17:27,533 --> 00:17:31,333 - COME BACK SOON, SMUSHY FACE. 395 00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:34,400 - SO HOW'S IT GOING, OKAY? 396 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,367 - SURE, I'M FINE. 397 00:17:36,367 --> 00:17:38,433 - GOOD. YEAH, YOU LOOK GOOD. 398 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:39,267 LISTEN-- 399 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,600 - I WAS THINKIN', 400 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,633 IT SHOULD BE PRETTY EASY TO FINISH THOSE STAIRS. 401 00:17:43,633 --> 00:17:47,133 THE HARD PART'S ALREADY DONE... 402 00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:50,100 WHERE I FALL THROUGH THEM. 403 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:52,533 - YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL RIGHT. 404 00:17:52,533 --> 00:17:54,533 I CAN HIRE SOMEBODY TO DO IT NOW. 405 00:17:54,533 --> 00:17:55,667 - NO, NO, NO. 406 00:17:55,667 --> 00:17:57,067 NO WAY. 407 00:17:57,067 --> 00:17:59,067 I WANT TO FIX YOUR STAIRS. 408 00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:03,667 ME, NOT SOME GUY. 409 00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:04,933 - THAT'S NICE. 410 00:18:04,933 --> 00:18:08,133 BUT LISTEN, I FEEL BAD YOU GOT HURT, SO I WANT-- 411 00:18:08,133 --> 00:18:10,067 - HEY, DON'T FEEL BAD. 412 00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:13,067 THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. 413 00:18:13,067 --> 00:18:14,067 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 414 00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:16,467 - I'M NOT AN IDIOT. 415 00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:19,233 REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE A KID, YOU GAVE ME THAT MUG THAT SAID 416 00:18:19,233 --> 00:18:21,933 "WORLD'S GREATEST DAD"? 417 00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:24,233 I HATED THAT. 418 00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:33,567 BECAUSE I KNEW I WAS NOT THAT MUG. 419 00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:37,067 AND NOW YOU GOT KIDS OF YOUR OWN. 420 00:18:37,067 --> 00:18:40,333 THE WAY YOU ARE WITH THEM... 421 00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:50,633 - WHAT? WHAT, DAD? 422 00:18:50,633 --> 00:18:56,633 - I LIKED IT WHEN YOU MOVED IN ACROSS THE STREET, 423 00:18:56,633 --> 00:18:58,367 'CAUSE I COULD COME TO YOUR HOUSE, 424 00:18:58,367 --> 00:19:00,867 YOU COULD COME TO MY HOUSE. 425 00:19:00,867 --> 00:19:03,433 NOTHIN' MUCH, JUST... 426 00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:07,433 DOIN' STUFF, WATCHIN' THE GAME, 427 00:19:07,433 --> 00:19:10,600 PLAYIN' SOME POOL. 428 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:16,367 BY THE WAY, ONE OF US SHOULD GET A POOL TABLE. 429 00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:18,967 IT'S GOOD WHAT WE GOT, 430 00:19:18,967 --> 00:19:22,467 'CAUSE WE'RE PALS NOW. 431 00:19:25,267 --> 00:19:29,900 - DEBRA AND I DIDN'T FALL DOWN THE STAIRS. 432 00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:31,333 - WHAT? 433 00:19:31,333 --> 00:19:36,733 - WE ACTUALLY HURT OURSELVES IN THE, YOU KNOW, 434 00:19:36,733 --> 00:19:38,167 BEDROOM. 435 00:19:38,167 --> 00:19:41,400 - A BEDROOM RACE? 436 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,933 - NO. 437 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,800 NO, NO, THERE ARE NO RACES, DAD. 438 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:50,267 - BUT THEY'RE A TRADITION. 439 00:19:50,267 --> 00:19:53,867 - WE--WE FELL OFF THE BED... 440 00:19:53,867 --> 00:19:55,600 BOTH OF US. 441 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,167 HMM? 442 00:19:58,167 --> 00:20:01,733 DAD, WE FELL OFF THE BED WHEN WE WERE HAVING SEX. 443 00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:03,367 THAT'S HOW WE GOT HURT. 444 00:20:03,367 --> 00:20:08,167 - THEN THIS IS ABOUT YOUR TESTICLE. 445 00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:10,367 - WHA--NO. 446 00:20:10,367 --> 00:20:12,500 DAD, NO, IT'S NOT. 447 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,600 I-I LIED TO YOU. I LIED TO YOU. 448 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,500 I TOLD YOU THE STAIRS WERE BAD 449 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,767 SO YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT DEBRA AND I WERE DOING, 450 00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:21,267 AND YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BROKE YOUR RIB IF IT WASN'T FOR ME, 451 00:20:21,267 --> 00:20:24,467 AND I'M BUYING YOU A SATELLITE DISH, ALL RIGHT? 452 00:20:24,467 --> 00:20:30,100 - OH, NOW, THAT'S A GOOD STORY. 453 00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:34,200 WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME THAT STORY? 454 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,533 - BECAUSE IT'S LIKE A SEX STORY, 455 00:20:36,533 --> 00:20:39,400 AND I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE, YOU KNOW, 456 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,100 TELLING YOU THAT KIND OF STUFF. 457 00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:44,900 - BUT WE'RE PALS. 458 00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:50,533 - OKAY, WE'RE PALS. 459 00:20:52,467 --> 00:20:55,833 - HEY, YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHIN', PAL? 460 00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,967 COULD I TELL YOU A STORY? 461 00:20:57,967 --> 00:20:59,733 - YEAH, YEAH, SURE. 462 00:20:59,733 --> 00:21:03,167 - ONE NIGHT YOUR MOTHER HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH KAHLUA-- 463 00:21:03,167 --> 00:21:04,533 - NO, NO, NO, DAD! 464 00:21:04,533 --> 00:21:05,367 NO. 465 00:21:05,367 --> 00:21:07,133 - BUT IT'S STORY TIME. 466 00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,800 - NO, LOOK, YOU NEED YOUR REST. 467 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:10,067 - WAIT, YOU'LL LOVE THIS. 468 00:21:10,067 --> 00:21:11,867 - NO, NO, NO, SWEET DREAMS, PAL. 469 00:21:11,867 --> 00:21:14,433 - IT WAS COLD OUTSIDE... 470 00:21:18,167 --> 00:21:20,867 - ALL RIGHT, HERE YOU GO. 471 00:21:20,867 --> 00:21:23,700 - SO HOW'S THAT RIB DOIN', FRANK? 472 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:24,967 - OH, IT'S COMING ALONG, 473 00:21:24,967 --> 00:21:29,367 ALTHOUGH I STILL CAN'T BURP THE WAY I LIKE. 474 00:21:29,367 --> 00:21:32,600 - WELL, YOU STICK TO YOUR REHAB. 475 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,933 - I'M HAPPY TO BE OUT OF THAT HOSPITAL. 476 00:21:34,933 --> 00:21:36,767 BOY, THEY HAD ME SO DRUGGED UP, 477 00:21:36,767 --> 00:21:40,167 I DIDN'T KNOW WHETHER I WAS COMIN' OR GOIN'. 478 00:21:40,167 --> 00:21:44,733 - I THOUGHT WHAT THEY HAD YOU ON WAS MARVELOUS. 479 00:21:44,733 --> 00:21:48,133 I'M GONNA CALL MEXICO AND TRY TO GET SOME FOR THE HOUSE.